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BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk

25 Feb 07 - 01:31 PM (#1979008)
Subject: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: catspaw49

What the hell are you doing? Geeziz Hawkster...Did you wake up the other day wondering about the Best, Worst, and Most Unusual or what? We got like a hundred and ninety two threads from you in 48 hours wondering about things from the worst case of venereal warts to the longest known slug trail............Didja' get ahold of some exceptionally potent happy pills? If so, I'd lay off the narcotic before it leaves your ass null and void.

Listen you jackass jadrool, I'd suggest you get hold of yourself but I think you already have so stop the wanking and get a different grip....................maybe if you use the other hand or something huh?   Just step back and don't breathe on me.........Whatever is wrong with you is no small thing.....unlike your pecker.                           

Spaw


25 Feb 07 - 01:35 PM (#1979012)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Alba

Those last few words seem to be a compliment LH!
I think!!! The rest of Spaw's post may be based apon concern for your well being....Oh I am so out of this thread!

LOL
Jude


25 Feb 07 - 01:36 PM (#1979015)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

But....Spaw...you are my inspiration, man. I mean, those incredible stories you wrote about Paw and Cletus and the Reg Boys (how many of them were there?) and the Little Pissant and stuff like that. I have been trying to equal that outpouring of inane crap ever since I arrived here, and still haven't quite made it to the mark. It is only my desire to emulate you and possibly draw near to your magnificence that keeps me going.

I also yearn to talk dirty like you do, but I just can't summon up the nerve. (sigh)

One day greatness shall be mine too!


25 Feb 07 - 01:38 PM (#1979019)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: bobad

So that's it.


25 Feb 07 - 01:40 PM (#1979026)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee

Jealousy rears its ugly head.


25 Feb 07 - 01:41 PM (#1979027)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: wysiwyg

Ah, but Spaw was always sparing, if not exactly sparse. Besides there is only one Spaw (pray God).

~S~


25 Feb 07 - 01:43 PM (#1979029)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

So? There's only one of me too!

(Oh...great straight line, folks! Come on, I know you can do it...)


25 Feb 07 - 01:55 PM (#1979047)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: artbrooks

I visualize LH's parents looking down upon him in his little crib and saying, "oh my god, what have we done?" Whereupon they BOTH go in for some minor elective surgery.


25 Feb 07 - 01:58 PM (#1979051)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

What an uncharitable thing to say, artbrooks! You sir, have worn out your welcome with me, and you will NOT be receiving any more of those little embroidered items in the mail. Don't bother pleading. It won't do any good.


25 Feb 07 - 02:05 PM (#1979063)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: artbrooks

Oh darn! Now what shall I give my cat to shred and hide underneath the bookcase?


25 Feb 07 - 02:16 PM (#1979071)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Ebbie

Hmmm. Why am I picturing a two-sided coin?


25 Feb 07 - 02:24 PM (#1979077)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jeri

There ought to be a BableFish thing that adds profanity and colorful verbiage to your statements. Hawk, if you underwent as many medical procedures that deprived your brain of oxygen as Spaw has, you might have abilities closer to your roll [sic] model. Maybe it was just the drugs in the 60s or 70s, or the syph has reached his brain.

Nevertheless, Spaw has bigger dogs than you and his Weimers could eat your wieners for lunch.


25 Feb 07 - 02:32 PM (#1979082)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jean(eanjay)

I thought there were a lot - I was having a job keeping up with them!


25 Feb 07 - 02:37 PM (#1979089)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie

It's bin goin' on a heck of a loooong time folks

"Subject: Why are most mudcatters human?
From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 15 Jul 00 - 04:20 PM

As long as we're trying to find out why most mudcatters are white and heterosexual, this is obviously a question worth asking, don't you think? I mean, it's really quite surprising that we don't have a solid contingent of felines, considering we are mudCATTERS, after all. Then too, my dog howls every time I play the harmonica. Why isn't he a mudcatter? Maybe if we changed the name to the "Muddog Cafe"... We don't have any Martians either. By golly, I think it's time we got to the bottom of this. Without delay."


Giok


25 Feb 07 - 03:08 PM (#1979120)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Ah, yes...that was a lovely one.

Thanks for the cute weiner dog link, Jeri!


25 Feb 07 - 03:09 PM (#1979122)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Umm...that's wiener dog, I mean...


25 Feb 07 - 03:10 PM (#1979125)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: wysiwyg

Weineraner?

~S~


25 Feb 07 - 03:12 PM (#1979128)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jeri

No thanks, I just had lunch.


25 Feb 07 - 03:44 PM (#1979152)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Charley Noble

I'll have mine with saurerkrut and Mr. Musturd!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


25 Feb 07 - 05:25 PM (#1979246)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: RangerSteve

In reference to Spaw's opening comments, I happen to own the longest Slug trail - it's on display in an oak case in my living room. The slug wasn't there when I dug the trail up, so I had one recreated out of marzipan. As for the largest venereal wart - I'd be interested in how Spaw and LH work that one out. I don't have any and I'm not showing them to anyone anyway.

Steve


25 Feb 07 - 05:26 PM (#1979248)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Peace

Oh, yes, venerable warts.


25 Feb 07 - 06:58 PM (#1979327)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: GUEST,Dickey

I don't mind Little Hawk but why do those Canadians send their geese down here every year to crap all over the place?

Maybe this is what Dianavan meant when she said "Give em shit Canada"


25 Feb 07 - 07:22 PM (#1979346)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Peace

Dickey, you have just pointed out a national embarrassment. But, in the words of a fellow I knew in the 1960s in NYC, "It's good shit, man, good shit."


25 Feb 07 - 07:23 PM (#1979348)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Peace

BTW, now that THAT door is open: Is the export of fertilizer covered under NAFTA?


25 Feb 07 - 08:24 PM (#1979404)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Ha! Ha! (snort!) Good one, Dickey...


26 Feb 07 - 02:04 AM (#1979578)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Gurney

Artbrooks, I'm a little slow today. Why would Littlehawk's parents BOTH opt for the surgery?
Unless you left out a line such as "He's got your chin and my nose!"


26 Feb 07 - 02:19 AM (#1979582)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell

I think the procedures to which Art was referring would be a vasectomy for Dad and a tubaligation for Mom. Having either procedure done would probably prevent them from making the same mistake again, but for absolute, 100% certainty, do 'em both.


26 Feb 07 - 06:33 AM (#1979677)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: artbrooks

And then take vows of chastity.


26 Feb 07 - 07:04 AM (#1979693)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: beardedbruce

The problem is that the Canada Geese are STAYING down here, year-round.

One has to wonder what they know that has slipped past LH.


26 Feb 07 - 09:09 AM (#1979783)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee

More of them dag-slabbed illegal immygrants! Gather 'em up and send 'em all back to Cannyda, I say! They only comes here ta take advantage of the US's great social programs like Medycare and in-state tooishuns and ta vote fer the Demmycrits so that they'll git a law passed making Spanglish er Franglish er another of them furrin langwajes the official langwaj of the US of A and that ain't what us vettyrans fought and died fer! Send 'em all back and if any of 'em tries ta cross the border jist shoot 'em!


26 Feb 07 - 12:05 PM (#1979916)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: dianavan

Give em verbal crap, Little Hawk!


26 Feb 07 - 12:17 PM (#1979920)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee

Us real-blooded Amuricans don't need none of that IMported Canadyan crap. We god us plenty of home-growed crap and if you don't believe me you just go talk to Congress and the Pressydent and THEY'LL set ya straight!


26 Feb 07 - 12:24 PM (#1979927)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie

It may be rubbish; but it's Canuck rubbish!

G.


26 Feb 07 - 12:43 PM (#1979943)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Heh! Heh! And the crap rolls on....

The Canada Geese are simply the advance scouts on our plan of attack here. We intend to bury the USA under mountains of crap and then take over. The 2nd and 3rd waves will involve moose and beavers.


26 Feb 07 - 01:23 PM (#1979983)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Sorry, Little Hawk, think again! Your have omitted the likely effects of global warming in your crap burying calculations. The few inroads your Canadian species have made in crap distribution will soon be negated as your geese, moose and beavers begin to move northward as things warm up. In fact, they'll probably all move well north of the Canada/US border and more southernly species will migrate northward to take their places. Don't be surprised if Toronta and vicinity are buried under armadillo and alligator crap within the next fifty years.


26 Feb 07 - 01:25 PM (#1979984)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Bee-dubya-ell

And Toronto, too. I have no idea where Toronta is.


26 Feb 07 - 01:30 PM (#1979990)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Americans usually say "Tronna" when they mean Toronto. That's one way of spotting an American tourist right off.


26 Feb 07 - 03:07 PM (#1980081)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Ebbie

"We intend to bury the USA under mountains of crap and then take over. The 2nd and 3rd waves will involve moose and beavers." Little Hawk

You surprise me, LH. Are you telling us that living on maountains of crap is the only setting where Canadians are comfortable?

Americans (as in the Staters) make good use of their animal crap.I guess we are different from you after all.


26 Feb 07 - 03:13 PM (#1980090)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Well, no, Ebbie. We are comfortable in a number of other settings as well. Hot tubs come to mind. And tropical beaches.


26 Feb 07 - 03:15 PM (#1980092)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie

Tell em not to pile it too high LH, otherwise they might elect it to run the country!
G.


26 Feb 07 - 03:20 PM (#1980102)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Hmm. But could it really get any worse than it is now?


26 Feb 07 - 04:21 PM (#1980165)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Amos

BEsides, Oh Wily But Impractical Canuck, how ya gonna get more than a few meese and beavers airborne?


A


26 Feb 07 - 04:25 PM (#1980167)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: John MacKenzie

He's going to adapt one of these of course Amos!
Giok


26 Feb 07 - 04:52 PM (#1980195)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Impressive. I wonder how much a full-sized moose chucker would cost? Hmm. I think it might exceed our available military budget to make enough of those to have a real impact.

No, we are thinking of suspending the moose from hot air balloons. As for the beaver, they will make their way down along key waterways and then fan out in all directions. They will dam all important lines of communication.

You have no idea what you're in for. Resistance is futile. The words "Shock and Awe" are, I think, appropriate ones to describe the overall effect.


26 Feb 07 - 05:06 PM (#1980208)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee

The Idaho legion stands always ready to repel any invasion from Canada!

Well, mostly. Some of the Legion prefer to sit and others won't be vertical until the booze wears off.

Remember: The Legion Dies, But Never Surrenders!*











*Except in cases of rain, snow, and other adverse weather conditions; numerically superior enemy forces; acts of God; or in cases of war, insurrection, riot, or rebellion.


26 Feb 07 - 05:10 PM (#1980216)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: catspaw49

Y'all might run into a problem there...............

For many years, the Bob Evans Farms Sausage Company would have a field day open to the public on their actual farm down in Rio Grande, Ohio. One of the many events they had was a chicken flying contest. The chickens were in mail boxes 4 foot off the ground and you had to yell or poke at or generally aggravate the chicken until he left the box on her "flight" and they measured the distance. This actually went on for a number of years until the inevitable happened.

A big doofus of a redneck hilljack walked up to his chicken in the mailbox and from somewhere in his bibs produced a ball bat. With a mighty swing before anyone could do anything to stop it, Bubba slammed the back of the mailbox. Amidst a cacophony of "BBRRUUUUCCCKKK" sounds and a small cloud of feathers the chicken was launched into deep right.........and ended any further chicken flying both then and for all time in the future.

I would write this off as legend but embarassingly enough, I was there.

Spaw


26 Feb 07 - 05:26 PM (#1980233)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Becca72

We intend to bury the USA under mountains of crap and then take over. The 2nd and 3rd waves will involve moose and beavers." Little Hawk


Uh-Oh....I think we've got a few of these terrorist cells right here in my home state of Maine...You can tell because the native moose and beavers don't wear tuques...


26 Feb 07 - 07:43 PM (#1980374)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: LukeKellylives (Chris)

I've never been more lost in my life. It's hard to tell who's for and who's against Hawk...Doesn't really matter, I guess, though.

Remember:

Arguing over the internet is like running in the special olympics.

Even if you win...


You're still retarded.


26 Feb 07 - 07:46 PM (#1980375)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: The Length

I happen to like what Littlehawk writes, read some of his stuff earlier.


26 Feb 07 - 07:54 PM (#1980389)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

Not to worry, guys. Spaw is just having a little fun at my expense, and probably wondering how the heck I can have so much time on my hands.


26 Feb 07 - 08:15 PM (#1980406)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: jaze

But who would have expected our own dear LH to be so diabolical?


26 Feb 07 - 08:21 PM (#1980415)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Joe Offer

You know, the anonymous trolls are going to get on my case for not deleting this as a personal attack - but I'm sure that Little Hawk considers a thread like this to be the highest possible form of praise.
-Joe-


26 Feb 07 - 08:21 PM (#1980416)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: catspaw49

Yeah Guys......Hawk and I both have too much time at times and when we have it together, you get this kind of sillyass shit.

If we lived a few blocks apart instead of 5 or 6 hundred miles we'd be sitting around bullshitting each other to death and you'd miss all this great stuff!!!!

Spaw


26 Feb 07 - 08:40 PM (#1980427)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jeri

There ought to be a rule:

If something looks like an attack, and the 'target' doesn't react in as offended a manner as you think they ought to, there's something you don't understand.

I've been in a few of those situations myself, and I've found that if I keep quiet and pay attention, it eventually all becomes clear. In this case, 1) Catspaw is completely batshit, whacko, 'round the bend, looney tunes, a couple of Buds short of a sixpack, a few fries short of a Happy Meal, a couple of politicians shy of a cluster fuck, and ...a few other things. 2) Hawk is... well, he's the same, only different.


26 Feb 07 - 08:43 PM (#1980429)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jeri

If you guys were living a couple of blocks apart, you'd both have to watch out for flaming sacks of dog poop on your porches. It's just that Spaw would have smaller poop sacks to stomp out.


26 Feb 07 - 08:47 PM (#1980432)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: The Length

Lets take a day off guys and think about what we write first, life is to sort.Good night from Damp England


26 Feb 07 - 08:49 PM (#1980433)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: catspaw49

To sort what? I refuse to sort flaming bags of dog poop, I can tell ya' that for free! (Damn Jeri....You always crack me up)

Spaw


26 Feb 07 - 09:23 PM (#1980447)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Jeri

Whoa...

...irony. ("If something looks like an attack...") And since I've used my quota of periods for the night, I guess I'll have to deal with THAT°


26 Feb 07 - 09:35 PM (#1980451)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee

Well, the Idaho Legion wants to know if it should stand down from its current state of Absolute And Complete Readiness To Repel Canadians and go back to its usual state of Absolute and Complete Readiness To Drink With Canadians or some sort of half-way mode of being willing to drink with normally repellent Canadians.


26 Feb 07 - 09:37 PM (#1980454)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Joe Offer

"Batshit." Now, THAT's a term that fits Spaw to a "T." His philosophy of life, mayhaps.

We certainly don't want to do away with humor here - even if it's perhaps a bit "irreverent." Animosity is another matter. That's poison around here.

-Joe-


26 Feb 07 - 10:05 PM (#1980469)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Joe_F

Send all the geese you like, but lay off the bloody polar air masses.


26 Feb 07 - 10:05 PM (#1980471)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Amos

I would advise the Legion to plan a strategic diminuition of tactical presence on the double. Those beavers are nothing to fuck around with.

A


26 Feb 07 - 10:06 PM (#1980472)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Rapparee

"Batshit."

That's the Secret Code Word which returns the Idaho Legion to its normal status.

Thanks, Joe. Some of the Legionaires and Legionettes were getting mighty thirsty.


26 Feb 07 - 10:34 PM (#1980482)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Little Hawk

I know for a fact that most members of the Idaho Legion completely lose their presence of mind when faced with live beaver...what presence of mind they already have, I mean, which probably ain't much.


27 Feb 07 - 12:34 AM (#1980524)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: Amos

Yeah...they don't wanna mess with them Canuck beavers, I'm telling ya. That dodge of Rapaire's about the code-word was pretty slick, though. I'm gonna remember that one. Haw. Code-word. Good 'un.


A


27 Feb 07 - 01:23 AM (#1980527)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: dianavan

The real code word is guano.

Spaw quano.


27 Feb 07 - 06:20 AM (#1980620)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: GUEST,ib48

Anything said or sung by Phil Collins


27 Feb 07 - 08:21 AM (#1980695)
Subject: RE: BS: Worst Case Of Verbal Crap by Little Hawk
From: artbrooks

Joe F: the solution to a polar air mattress is to fill it with your hair dryer.