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23 messages

BS: Funerals

02 Oct 06 - 03:06 PM (#1848532)
Subject: BS: Funerals
From: Scooby Doo

I wondered how many of us have decided on which funeral there going to have.I am having a pagan funeral,what are you having when the time comes?


02 Oct 06 - 03:15 PM (#1848536)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Rapparee

Mine has been described in song by the Chad Mitchell Trio:

Spoken:
Funeral Directors of America, I am very deeply honored standing here;
Receiving this token of your esteem, "The Funeral Director of the
Year."
Now I've been asked by all the delegates--and members of the board,
To tell you of the funeral that won me this award.
It was handled with taste and dignity, that much I can say for it;
And I'm sure it will take the family twenty years to pay for it!

Chorus:
It was a helluva fun'ral, It was a helluva fun'ral
The finest fun'ral ever booked:
I had some high school juniors who passed around petunial
And lilies everywhere you looked.
It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral
Oh, how I wish that you were there;
I had ten drum majorettes doubling on the castanets
It really was a lively affair
It really was a lively affair.
It was a helluva fun'ral, It was a helluva fun'ral
The national guard showed up for me;
And during the oration, they went into formation
And formed the letters R. I. P.
It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral
I gave it all my loving care;
The band was on its toes playing "Mexicali Rose",
It really was a lively affair.
It really was a lively affair.

A tisket a tasket, Tell us about the casket

Spoken:
Well, I'll tell you 'bout the casket, my good friends
It would-a made your poor eyes pop
It was sterling silver all around and a real formica top.
(Formica top, it had a formica top).

Well, I'll tell you 'bout the widow, my good friends,
The widow was in navy blue
With a gown designed by Balenciaga, I supplied that too.
(He sold the widow widow's weeds too).

I held the first funereal raffle, though I don't much like to boast
And I gave away a Chevrolet to the person who cried the most.
(He gave away a brand new Chevrolet). I won it myself!

There were eighteen jugglers by the grave to demonstrate their art
And when they were done, I fired a gun to let the hoot-e-nanny start.
(He fired a gun and the hoot-e-nanny begun).

I was serving beer and prtzels, 'til the hot pastrami came;
And I sold some souvenier hankies with the dear departed's name.
(He was sellin' hankies with the dear departed's name).

As a fitting finale we had the Rockettes from New Your's Music Hall;
As you can see, my very good friends
All in all, all in all:

Sung:
It was a helluva fun'ral, I say one helluva fun'ral
No other burial could compare;
It was all done up deluxe 'n' I made forty thousand bucks,
It really was a lively affair. It really was a swingin' affair


02 Oct 06 - 03:16 PM (#1848538)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Clinton Hammond

I won't care... I won't be attending it... They can do what they like....


02 Oct 06 - 03:20 PM (#1848542)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Scooby Doo

What about medical research with your body?.


02 Oct 06 - 03:31 PM (#1848550)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: lady penelope

Once the medics have recycled any bits of me worth bothering with, I would like my friends and family to have a bang up wake.

Let there be music, jokes, tall tales, roaring laughter and even some tears. When they've drunk all the booze, told all the stories, sung all the songs, let them dip me remains in liquid nitrogen, pulversize them and bury them in a carboard box.

Somewhere out of the way, with no marker, nothing for people to dwell on. Let the memories fade as I go back where I came from.

If people want to have a ceremony, that's up to them. In reality, funerals are for the living.

However, should I be forewarned of my impending doom, I should very much like to attend my wake.....   :0)


02 Oct 06 - 03:51 PM (#1848562)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Rapparee

Dare I say it? Eat me!


02 Oct 06 - 04:05 PM (#1848567)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Sorcha

I'm with Lady P on this one. They've been told, and instructions printed out.


02 Oct 06 - 04:09 PM (#1848571)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: number 6

I wanna be launched out onto Courtney Bay on a Viking boat set on fire

But on second thought the city here flushes raw sewage into Courtney Bay .... Hmmm, forget Valhalla and all that.

I'm not gonna die anyway.

sIx


02 Oct 06 - 04:12 PM (#1848574)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Amos

Let us know how that decision works out for you, 6, won't you? :)


A


02 Oct 06 - 04:18 PM (#1848580)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Divis Sweeney

Already arranged, Flag on coffin, played out with the Parting Glass, all welcome.


02 Oct 06 - 04:24 PM (#1848602)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Richard Bridge

Dispose of my mortal remains as cheaply as possible.

Then have a wake like Jacqui's please.


03 Oct 06 - 08:50 AM (#1849157)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: jacqui.c

I'm with Richard here. That was how Dave Bryant went out.

I've left instructions.


03 Oct 06 - 11:05 AM (#1849251)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: mack/misophist

A solo cremation (no guests, no service), then pour the ashes down the nearest drain.


03 Oct 06 - 11:28 AM (#1849269)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Paul Burke

State funeral service in Westminster Abbey, Union Jock at half mast, weeping queen and crowned heads of Europe in attendance, dirges played by band of the Royal Horticultural Corps, crowds of millions all in black, nation at a standstill, shops shut, flowers piled on war memorials, traffic bollards and at the doors of public urinals, fountains flowing with gin-and-grapefruit, irreplaceable tropical hardwood coffin placed in gold plated carriage hauled by steam engine (Gresley A4 streamlined 4-6-2 - first one through channel tunnel) distraught women immolating themselves under the wheels, taken to the vatican and interred in state after they've got rid of that red- headed old bugger that's occupying my grave, St Peter's closed to the public and declared a war grave and a mausoleum forever.

Or stick a skyrocket up me arse and launch me (AFTER I'm dead I said...).


03 Oct 06 - 01:16 PM (#1849362)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Joe Offer

I'd like a Catholic funeral with lots of friends, lots of music, and lots of food and drink afterwards. I hope my friends enjoy it.
Oh, and cremation is just fine with me, but that's up to the people I leave behind.
I haven't figured out what to do with my folk music books yet. I hate to think of them being sold at a garage sale.
-Joe-


03 Oct 06 - 01:25 PM (#1849370)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Little Hawk

I don't care if I even have one or not. I'd be quite happy to leave so quietly that no one even noticed I'd left the room. Maybe that was what Ambrose Bierce had in mind when he disappeared in Mexico.


04 Oct 06 - 11:53 AM (#1850208)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Mr Red

Well I want Horses Brawl to finish the ceremony and all the guests hold hands and dance out in the Horses Brawl step. in the key of GG of course.


04 Oct 06 - 11:55 AM (#1850210)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: SINSULL

Soylent Green.


04 Oct 06 - 01:07 PM (#1850290)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp

When I go, I want a huge funeral parade in downtown Chicago. I want all the gangs and all the cops out there on the street to give a last respectful salute. I want cryin' apes, monkeys, and humans lined up by the thousands, and truckloads of flowers and bananas. I want a funeral oration by some of my best buddies and most worthy opponents. I wanta go out in style, but I'm not sure if it's better to die in bed with weepin' dames around on all sides...or to go down in a hail of bullets...

Hmmm. I gotta think about that.

Well, the fact is, ya never know when you're gonna go, so we'll just have to wait and see.

- Chongo


18 Feb 10 - 04:57 PM (#2843536)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: GUEST,steven rankin

ILOVE    THE    FUNERALS HOMES    TO   THE   DIEDS YOU
WILL TO SEE   BECAUSE......


THINK YOU STEVEN RANKIN

2/18/2010.....


18 Feb 10 - 05:36 PM (#2843592)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Acorn4

I think I'll probably be stuffed!


18 Feb 10 - 08:50 PM (#2843764)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: GUEST,999

Body parts to people who could use 'em; body to a medical school. I expect they will then burn what's left and dump the ashes either in a landfill or down the drain. .


18 Feb 10 - 09:02 PM (#2843771)
Subject: RE: BS: Funerals
From: Bill D

Me? Right next to Jeremy Bentham....

We philosophers need more 'visibility'.