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BS: The Marminator

19 Nov 03 - 11:20 AM (#1057016)
Subject: BS: The Marminator--A Thread That Was Once Lost.
From: Peace

A movie in the making. The genesis. In a galaxy far far away. This new thread is the result of the creative collaboration of many people too numerous to mention. This is how it all began. We thought we'd get in trouble for THREAD CREEP, (notice the 'we' guys) so WE started this.


Subject: RE: Jesus - Did he exist?
From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 18 Nov 03 - 11:15 PM

Right on, brucie! I can hardly resist starting a thread called "Marmite - Does it exist???" (but I'm afraid Joe Offer would really get irritated if I did...you can imagine what it might spawn in further copycat threads...)


Subject: RE: Jesus - Did he exist?
From: brucie - PM
Date: 18 Nov 03 - 11:48 PM

Hey, LH, then we could have "Son of Marmite", "Revenge of Marmite". (There's a real industry in the making here. Ya just gotta be the first to see it.) We could go to a movie studio and make hundreds if not thousands of dollars. Cross marmite with terminator and get Marminator (or Termite). Maybe hire the Governor of California to star in the first film. I'm sharing this willingly; work with me. Here's the title of our first film: "Clone of Marminator: The Tepid End of the Gene Pool." Has a ring to it, don't ya think? Don't worry that someone might take the idea and run with it. There's more where that came from.

So, to get back to the real question, like I'm a guy, right, and if my brother and his wife have a girl child, am I an aunt or an uncle? I have the feeling no one will answer me on this one, 'cause you're probably thinking I'm joking.

Or a chain of stores: "Marmite R Us", but to distinguish the chain from the Toy people, we turn the M backwards. I'm gonna give this a little more thought. I'll get back to you.

This is NOT a Nigerian scam letter. If you want to invest in the film, we refuse to accept more than $25,000 from any single individual. If you're married, $50,000. Sorry about the thread creep. Something just took over. But if any people in the world would understand the 'creative impulse', it would be 'catters.


Subject: RE: Jesus - Did he exist?
From: Little Hawk - PM
Date: 19 Nov 03 - 12:06 AM

Brucie, you are an unsung genius! This is an idea whose time has come. "The Marminator!" I love it! How about "Attack of the Marmites"??? They could be giant rodents who emerge from the Earth's core due to the collapsing magnetic field of the planet and the Madonna-Britney kiss causing instability in the Earth's rotational axis. I visualize a tidal wave of gigantic, chittering marmites advancing on Washington, siezing people, cars, and Abrams tanks in their pincer-like jaws, without regard to race, creed or religion.

Only The Marminator can stop them! (Enter Arnold, packing firepower like you've never seen before...except maybe in the last 20 or so action films...)

It can't fail. I see big bucks here.

Now where were we?

Oh, yeah. You're an uncle, man. An uncle.

- LH


Subject: RE: Jesus - Did he exist?
From: Rapaire - PM
Date: 19 Nov 03 - 08:45 AM

"Marmite vs. Vegimite: The Armegeddon Duel".


(Armeggedon outa here...)


Subject: RE: Jesus - Did he exist?
From: brucie - PM
Date: 19 Nov 03 - 10:54 AM

I love you guys! It's like knowing you have an IQ of 186 and finding out you're the dumbest one in the room. We are talkin' BIG BUCKS here. This cannot fail. And on top of that I'm an uncle, and I don't have a brother with a kid. And because I'm an uncle, then that little girl my brother and his wife didn't have is my nephew. I GET IT NOW!

Hey guys, we'll all write it, one of you directs, the other produces and I interview the actresses who are over the age of 21--and have ID to prove it. Seems like a fair division of labour to me. How's it with you guys? And we get to wear shades, right, designer shades. And maybe dress like the Blues Brothers. What do ya think?


Subject: RE: Jesus - Did he exist?
From: brucie - PM
Date: 19 Nov 03 - 11:08 AM

Fellow Movie Makers and Would-be Multimillionaires: We are gonna get in serious trouble for thread creep here. I cannot tell a lie: Little Hawk caused it. I'm gonna start a thread under the name The Marminator, and I want to thank Jesus for making this possible, (and LH and Rapaire). I should warn you that they are certifiable, but they don't get near sharp or pointy things.


19 Nov 03 - 12:01 PM (#1057044)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Liz the Squeak

How about Marmitopia? Where everything is rosy and lovely, people live in peace and harmony and there's Marmite on every supermarket shelf whether it's gravy or jam.

Frankly, I'd rather live on the Aurora crusing round the North Sea.

LTS


19 Nov 03 - 12:04 PM (#1057047)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Guys, Liz is on board. We have another movie maker. She and Frankly are living on the Aurora with rosy harmonies on the supermarket shelf. This WILL fly.


19 Nov 03 - 12:49 PM (#1057069)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Little Hawk

Actually, I think I started the ball rolling on this by mentioning that I had a strong desire to start a thread called: "Marmite - Does it really exist???" But I didn't, cos I thought it might bug Joe Offer, cos he hates copycat threads.

With such tiny beginnings are great things launched!

So....it all began with the notorious Madonna-Britney kiss, which grossed out millions and titillated millions more...BUT more important than THAT...it caused a wobbling, a fibrillation in the rotation of the Earth upon its axis!!! This, combined with the unprecedented 300 year decline in the Earth's magnetic field (which has been noted by scientists...look it up if you don't believe me or ask Wolfgang about it)...anyway, the combination of fibrillation of planetary rotation cross-referenced with collapsing magnetic field caused perturbations deep in the planetary mantle releasing...

MARMITES! Hundreds of thousands of them. A MARMITE is a very large rodent, resembling a shrew. It's about the size of a Mack Truck. MARMITES are always hungry, and they'll eat just about anything, specially if it screams and struggles while being caught!

Consider the possibilities...

- LH


19 Nov 03 - 01:31 PM (#1057101)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Hey, LH, my man! I like your use of the titillated word. I'll incorporate that when I do the interviews. (Something like, "May I see your titillated please?") You are indeed a thinker! But, we will have to be careful with things like "a wobbling, a fibrillatio in the rotation of . . ." . We want this to be a PG movie, right? And we better be careful with 'perturbations', too. Kids can't watch that kinda thing. Later.


19 Nov 03 - 01:41 PM (#1057114)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,MMArio

Kids can't watch that kinda thing

UNLESS. . .



you make it an animated feature - if it's a cartoon you can get away with anything!


19 Nov 03 - 01:55 PM (#1057124)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: RangerSteve

Suggested titles: Marmite Cowboy, Marmite Express, Marmite in the Garden of Good and Evil.


19 Nov 03 - 01:58 PM (#1057128)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

Vegemites! Like giant cockroaches, but dirtier and nastier and lots, lots bigger -- somewhere between the size of the tank of PMS on the left in this picture
and the Alaska State Ferry in the center.

Vegemites! They creep out at night, consuming sewage treatment plants, spent nuclear fuel rods, banjos, and their natural prey, Marmites!

Vegemites! They only grow larger and filthier when caught in a nuclear explosion!

Vegemites! Perhaps the end HAS come....


19 Nov 03 - 03:01 PM (#1057157)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Ranger Steve: Murder on the Marmite Express!

Vegemites, Rapaire. I can but echo LH. You are the true genius. This has potential.

We need a twist here. LH--we all depend on you for the lateral thinking. (Rapaire is bonafide nuts; you are truly twisted. We depend on you for the plot twist.)


19 Nov 03 - 04:38 PM (#1057216)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: McGrath of Harlow

"Marmalised" is the word. As popularised by comedian Ken Dodd.


19 Nov 03 - 05:06 PM (#1057231)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Barden of England

Marmites are tiny creatures that live on Mars - it's obvious. And when the Beagle has landed, we'll have photos of them. It'll be a nice prezzie for Chrimble.

Hi Liz by the way. How's Manitas?


19 Nov 03 - 05:23 PM (#1057239)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Now wait a minute here! What's a "marminator"? Must be something that 'ates marms, right. But what the hell's a "marm"? So I did a Google Image Search for "marm" and came up with THIS! You guys 'ate that and wanna get rid of it? Shame on you! I think it's really cute. Sorta like Boo from "Monsters Inc."

Of course, I'm assuming that it's as small as it looks in the picture and pictures can be deceiving. If it is, in fact, twenty feet tall, weighs 3,000 pounds and eats Toyotas for breakfast, please ignore my comments and destroy it at your earliest convenience.


19 Nov 03 - 05:49 PM (#1057253)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

It is, in fact, twenty feet tall, weighs 3,000 pounds and eats Toyotas for breakfast.


19 Nov 03 - 06:26 PM (#1057267)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: jacqui c

Sounds like my son - can he audition for the part?


19 Nov 03 - 06:38 PM (#1057276)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: McGrath of Harlow

Marmy-- Marmy, I'm comin'--
I'm so sorry that I made you wait!
Marmy-- Marmy, I'm comin'!
Oh God, I hope I'm not late!
Look at me, Marmy! Don't you know me?
I'm your little baby!
I'd walk a million miles
For one of your smiles,
My Marmy!


19 Nov 03 - 06:44 PM (#1057280)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Liz the Squeak

Sorry LH - apart from a little difference in size, the giant rodents has been done.

A film called 'The Princess Bride' with Cary Elwes in it, has R.O.U.S's - Rodents Of Unusual Size in it. They are rats the size of small ponies and live in the swamp.

If 'to caramelise' something is to turn it sticky and translucent, is 'marmelising' to turn something brown and smelly?

LTS


19 Nov 03 - 06:46 PM (#1057281)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Amos

A marminator is someone who marminates, obviously. Marminators bathe others in maternal affection of the deepest most cloying sort. They drown their acquaintances in mother love much the way a chef drowns beefsteak in wine sauce before frying it. They tend to be deep-chested and roundish women between 40 and 55 with over-sized biceps and obsessive appetites for cuddling their victims.

A


19 Nov 03 - 10:25 PM (#1057423)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Bee-dubya-ell

The there's the evil villian from old Westerns, the "Schoolmarminator" who went around putting thumbtacks in schoolmarms' chairs. A doer of dastardly deeds indeed.


19 Nov 03 - 10:28 PM (#1057425)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Little Hawk

Well, of course it's been done, Liz! That's the whole idea. Does the movie industry want something original? Hell, no! They want something that's already a proven moneymaker done over again with bigger and louder special effects and more sex and violence than the last time. They want faster and faster cuts between scenes until only a 12 year old kid in a sugar frenzy can follow what's happening onscreen. They want the mindless repetition of a proven concept.

That is exactly what we intend to give them....giant rodents consuming screaming starlets, lots of explosions, and lots of blood and gore.

The MARMINATOR is Arnold Schwarzenneger in a black leather and gunmetal combat outfit, wielding a series of deadly hi-tech weapons and glaring a lot. If we can't get Schwarzenneger, we'll get "the Rock". He's good for the part, and Arnold's getting a little old for it, actually. The MARMINATOR terminates MARMITES...or he marinates termites...or something like that.

- LH


19 Nov 03 - 10:28 PM (#1057426)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Amos

Well, as the baby ostrich said when Mom sat on a Valencia..."Lookit the orange Marma laid!!"


BadaBInnnnnnng!



A


19 Nov 03 - 10:37 PM (#1057435)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

Wasn't the Marminator either a monster in the Labyrinth that was killed by Theseus or the Union waship that fought the Merrimac (a/k/a Virginia) at Hampton Roads?

Closeup: the quiet waters of Hampton Roads. Pull back to see happy folks at play, waterskiiing, fishing, fooling around, messing about in boats. Swing right to view the USS Ronald Reagan at anchor in the Naval Yard.

SFX: bubbles from the water, growing larger and more frequent. Suddenly, a monstrous head breaks the surface and with one more mighty bubble a fearsome mouth opens and, water and slime dripping from teeth the size of mizzenmasts, it says,

Spaw!! Braaaaaap!!

and hundreds of recreating folks scream and rush to shore.

Dripping muck and seaweed, the thing waddles to shore.

The first Vegemite has returned.


19 Nov 03 - 11:46 PM (#1057475)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Great ideas. We're gonna be hundredaires, If we film it in the winter (in Canada), we could be frigidaires. You are a creative crew. Who is gonna yell "ACTION"? Where's the cast?

See Rapaire's "SEX: bubbles from the water, growing larger and more frequent, Suddenly, a monstrous head breaks the surface . . . .

Is our director gonna get us X-rated or what?


19 Nov 03 - 11:47 PM (#1057479)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Little Hawk

Ooooooooo....GROSS! I like it. I see the USS Ronald Reagan very slowly and majestically capsizing, spilling screaming people into the bay, as the ship says huskily: "Umm....what was the question?"

- LH


20 Nov 03 - 12:12 AM (#1057503)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Inspired. The USS Ronald McDonald: we won't need sharks if we have The Marminator. How will this work with Rapaire's SEX scene? And no one has yet mentioned whether or not we get to wear sunglasses and dress like the Blues Brothers. Who will save the people in the water and Amos' baby ostrich? Hey, if we serialize this, we could invent a trend in movies: We'll call it the hangcliffer. Just look at the raw talent contributing to this movie. LOOK.


20 Nov 03 - 03:37 AM (#1057583)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Barden of England

Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd are returning for another series of 'Marmiting' I hear


20 Nov 03 - 07:03 AM (#1057672)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: RangerSteve

Marmite Dearest
Indiana Jones and the Marmite of Doom
Star Wars: the Phantom Marmite
Pink Marmitoes


20 Nov 03 - 07:34 AM (#1057684)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: muppett

So in this film then will the hero say 'Hasta la ar marmite baby'


20 Nov 03 - 08:44 AM (#1057715)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

"Go ahead. Make mine Marmite."

"Aw, MARMITE!" (Bang!)

"Marmite? We don't need no steenkin' marmite!"

By the way, that was SFX, the abbreviation for Special Effects, not SEX, the abbreviation for SEX. Later, however, the script WILL call for SFX for SEX.

Watch for it: the SFX for SEX should be interesting, 'cause a Marmite will attempt to molest a Vegemite (or maybe vice-versa). It'll be a love story, sort of a Hatfield-McCoy Romeo & Juliet sort of thing, only with monstrous sex. Gratuitious monstrous sex, of course -- we gotta make some money on this in order to become tenaires.


20 Nov 03 - 10:48 AM (#1057797)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Sorry there Rapaire. Next time I'll wear my glasses. Looked like SEX. I should have known better. There's no 'F' in SEX. We will need oil for the SFX SEX scene. Any ideas where to get that--low cholesterol vegemite oil? And what kind of scene do you have in mind that would need LOW CHOLESTEROL OIL? (We have Dubya workin' on that for us. Ain't goin' worth s##t.)

When can I do the starlet interviews? And if we get busted for the SEX scenes, we'll become rapaires. (I'm on a roll, here. But I'd like to be on some buns, so back to the interviews. What about the interviews? Ask me if I'm excited. It only happens once a year, but today's the day!)

Later, fellow and fellowette producers ad producerettes.


20 Nov 03 - 01:41 PM (#1057916)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: McGrath of Harlow

The Yeast from 20,000 Fathoms should come into it somewhere.


20 Nov 03 - 01:57 PM (#1057928)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,MMario

and when the various legal eagles and protection leagues get up in arms about discrimination against Marmites we can sponsor a fund-raising concert - we'll Call it Marmil-AID!


20 Nov 03 - 02:44 PM (#1057961)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

We have a major industry in the making here. Residuals, product merchandising, spinn-offs. Movies, toys, foods: anyone know how we can crack the designer-clothing market? And beer, seeing McGH's post above. We could go from being loot-beggars to boot-leggers. WOW! Haven't received any offers of financial aid from anyone. Maybe we could write to the Nigerians and ask if they want to invest. What do you think?


20 Nov 03 - 03:28 PM (#1057982)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

For the SFX SEX scene I'm thinking of something sort of ecologically oriented, using used 30 weight oil. Maybe a porcupine, some grape jelly, Alice Cooper (if we can get him) or Prince Charles (second choice), a Honda motorcycle, Craters of the Moon National Park, a surplus Minuteman III missile, two hockey pucks, LOTS of fireworks, the deep part of the Great Salt Lake (or Lake Baikal), a sturgeon, and, for the grand climax, several thousand gallons of various flavors of jello dripping and oozing down the participants, the screen, the Carpathian Mountians, and the legs of someone wearing a kilt (I suggest Red Stewart plaid, but I'm not fanatic about it -- McDonald will do as well).


20 Nov 03 - 03:32 PM (#1057986)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,MMario

oh please. Who would ever believe that scene - *TWO* hockey pucks?



they always go too far. always.


20 Nov 03 - 03:40 PM (#1057992)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,Robert Nobutuhane, Lagos

Hello,

You may be sruprised to recieve this communication from me because you do not know of me, but I am the controller of a prestigious import-export house in Lagos, Nigeria. It so happened recently that my uncle, Kimu Nobutuhane died tragically due to Marmite attack, leaving his entire fortune of $976 Billion in limbo with the Investors' National Bank of Lagos, a prestigious banking firm with a rock solid reputation all over the World.

Due to the Marmite connection, and the fact that Rapaire's name coincides with the name of my uncle's only heir (who disappeared fifteen years ago without trace while photographing lions in the Serengeti), I have the idea that we could facilitate the transfer of the $976 Billion to Rapaire's North American bank account, upon the condition that Rapaire receives 33% of it as compensation for the service of releasing these funds. This would amount to $322,080,000,000 in US dollars being retained by Rapaire, while the rest would be returned to the account of Robert Nobutuhane in Nigeria.

We have to put a condition on this arrangement that at least half of the $322 Billion be used to finance your movie "The Marminator", so that the World public be alerted to the great danger posed by Marmites.

We are depending on you to be honest and return the remaining 67% of the funds ($653,920,000,000 US dollars). We believe that you are sincere honest people who would not cheat us.

Accordingly, please contact us ASAP by fax at 1-800-BIG-LOAD and we can take the next procedural steps in this arrangement.

We thank you in the name of the Lord Almighty for being our compassionate rescuers in time of need!!!

REspectfully,

Robert Nobutuhane
Lagos, Nigeria


20 Nov 03 - 04:44 PM (#1058032)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Ah, man, we have died and gone to heaven.

We gotta write to Robert right away. We can still do the Marmil-AID concert, but we should get the Lagos cash ASAP. With that kinda money, we can buy off the censors. (Truthfully, you could buy me for half of that amount. I'm easy but I ain't cheap. And I'm as honest as a good politician: once I'm bought, I stay bought.) The SFX SEX scene is too exciting. My breath is coming in short pants--jodpers, actually. Ease up a bit there, Rapaire. Kids read this stuff, too.

Mr Nobutuhane: We are yours to command. Tell us how to follow up on this transaction. Our fax machine has been destroyed by the prototype of the Marminator, so we are really f####d in that department. To get the cash, what else would you suggest. We'll give you a credit in the movie. (For that kinda money, we'll throw in Disneyland or Washington, same thing.) Get back soooooon.


20 Nov 03 - 05:04 PM (#1058045)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

And llamas. And lamas. I want to film the scene in Tibet, with K-2 and Everest as the backdrop! And a cast of thousands of extras, all Sherpas and all dancing and swaying in time to the music (John Williams, maybe?). A poignant, yet stimulating SFX SEX scene.

I don't have bank account; here in Idaho we do everything in cash 'cause it's harder to trace.


20 Nov 03 - 05:29 PM (#1058064)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Bee-dubya-ell

A smarmy schoolmarm was feeding a marmalade and marmite sandwich to her pet marmots and marmosets while sitting on Mount Marmolada and wishing she was sailing on the Sea of Marmara instead. She got so caught up in her daydream about the Sea of Marmara that the sandwich became marmoreal and neither the marmots nor the marmosets would eat it.


20 Nov 03 - 05:52 PM (#1058073)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

The bullbuck up on the hill got hit by a blue-butted schoolmarm today. Seems like a kill-snake set the schoolmarm rolling and the bullbuck was in the way. Took him out on a stretcher on the high-line.


21 Nov 03 - 11:21 AM (#1058558)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

SFX SEX-----we could do wonders with Everest and K2. An avalanche is just a mountain getting its rocks off. Think of the possibilities.


21 Nov 03 - 11:59 AM (#1058585)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Dear Liz the Squeak, Little Hawk, MMArio, RangerSteve,
Rapaire, McGrath of Harlow, John Barden, Bee-dubya-ell, jacqui c, Amos, muppet, and our spiritual leader, Robert Nobutuhane:

If the movie craps out, I think we oughta start a new religion.

To the donating public: We are not insistent that the donations people send MUST be spent on a movie. We are flexible. (You'll notice that in the SFX SEX scenes.) If you would rather we spent the money on other things, we'd be more than willing to do so. On that, we are not rigid. And speaking of which, is there any chance we can get the Nude Photographer from another thread to do the camera work?

Rapaire, please tone down the stuff to do with llamas. The cattle industry may want a piece of the action, and we don't want any complaints from the wool people or animal protection agencies. Don't mean to sound bossy about this, but if any federal agencies find out what we're doing, Little Hawk could get in deep dung. I've been signing all the cheques with his name! So far we've spent a trivial $73,000,063 on the set (in a secret location--but it has a hot tub and big-screen TV). I was able to buy the dog house that the religious fundamentalist had built years ago. His cost was about $12,000, but for a kickback of 60%, he let us have it for just under thirty-five million--and he threw in the dog. Been bargaining hard.

I want to begin the starlet interviews soon, so I have purchased stock in Ginseng futures. Hope you guys don't mind. We'll have to get a firmer plot, but things are shaping up just fine. We have a hit on our hands here.


21 Nov 03 - 06:21 PM (#1058790)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

I want a battle scene, where the military tries to kill the Vegemites and the Marmites. It doesn't have to be be anything big, because we can film from the top, bottom and sides and nobody will notice that it's the same scene. AND we'll get an award for creative camerawork, since I don't think ANYONE has ever filmed a battle from the bottom before!

So anyway, here's my thinking on this:

The Vegemites and the Marmites join forces, temporarily, because the US Marines are bothering them. Needing a few good men, the V&Ms eat about half the 1st Marine Division and continue stomping towards Hull9, where they are going to have their Armeggedonish battle. Outside of Youghcaghanny, Pennsylvania, on the banks of the Mighty Yuck (the river), they are confronted with the 1st through 9th US Infantry Divisions, the British Paras, the SAS, the SBS, the Green Berets, and the Fifth Northumbridgeshire Light Lancers (known as "the Cherry Pickers" but not because of their uniforms). Off in the distance the pipes of the Sutherlands and the Black Watch tell us that Lord Lurkin' is marching to reinforce the Thin Red Line at the front. Ghurka forces slip between the Vegemites' toes, where they hack at them with their famous knives. The Unites States' Special Military Underwater Reconnaisance Force (or SMURFs), clad in their special blue uniforms, attach the Marmites by shoving flares under their toenails and lighting them off. Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, playing themselves and eager to squelch the rumors of their gay marriage as reported in "The News of the World" some weeks ago, lead jihad forces.

All to no avail. The slaughter is immense and quite complete. There is nothing between the Vegemites and the Marmites and Hull9 but several million people, part of Canada, some good-sized cities, and the Atlantic Ocean.

Maybe if we understood the Marmites and Vegemites, maybe if we treated them as people...nah.


22 Nov 03 - 07:07 PM (#1059276)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe

And let's not forget the competing

The Pro-Mites...

The Mighty-Mites...

The Phantom Marmiter Of Old London Town...

My Mind Reels...
~~~~~~~
Brucie... "There's no 'F' in SEX"

Hmmm, that reminds me..

In Oz here we had a Music Hall comedian who transited well to Radio called "Mo" - real name Roy Rene. he had a side kick called "Stiffy"... (keep it clean!)

One of his famous routines involved having Stiffy reading from a large chart with letters of the alphabet as Mo pointed and said them.

Mo: A, B, C, D, E, F,

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: Start again!
Mo: A, B, C, D, E, F,

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: Start again!
Mo: A, B, C, D, E, F,

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: Start again!

Stiffy: A, B, C, D, E, K,

Mo: What's wrong with you? Every time I say F, You See K!


Robin


22 Nov 03 - 08:14 PM (#1059304)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

I haven't yet worked out all the details, but one scene will be set in a private school (public in the UK). All of the students will be destroyed just before Christmas by...term-ites.


22 Nov 03 - 09:16 PM (#1059338)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Not the Potter kid. No, no.


23 Nov 03 - 06:34 PM (#1059575)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Kim C

I am pleased to report, I am no longer a Marmite virgin.


23 Nov 03 - 06:54 PM (#1059589)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe

OK KimC,
The next step is a bath...


23 Nov 03 - 07:10 PM (#1059599)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

You want I should make that Marmite polecat Do Right by you? Out here in The West we don't take kindly ta such goings-on. My shotgun is yers ta command, m'am.


24 Nov 03 - 08:09 AM (#1059821)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Mr Red

Kim C

As they say in the ads - You either "are" a Marmite virgin or you "are not" a Marmite virgin

Personally I am not - but it still stinks - that bath is essential.

Stay off the Bovril at all costs or there is no hope.


24 Nov 03 - 08:54 AM (#1059842)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Doktor Doktor

Oy!

Theres something wrong with McGrath - he's caught modesty!

Would have thought this an ideal cue for a song -

Where's the Marmite & The Jam then, Kev?


24 Nov 03 - 08:58 AM (#1059845)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Doktor Doktor

PS
Marmites 20
Vegemites 17
(gloat)


24 Nov 03 - 09:42 AM (#1059864)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie

I only had the 1/2 teaspoon serving like it says on the jar. And I did have a bath today. Amazing how much B vitamins are in it! It tastes sort of like soy sauce concentrate. Mister actually bought it to use as a yeast nutrient in winemaking.


24 Nov 03 - 03:43 PM (#1060065)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Hate to say this, but we've lost our focus. The money has not yet arrived from Nigeria, and the donations are a bit slow in coming. Little Hawk has a tad over $73,000,000 to account for, and the doghouse is very well furnished. I'll be holding the starlet interviews in there even though it seems the movie is a bust. We tried.


24 Nov 03 - 05:37 PM (#1060122)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

Ah, Brucie, I have the 9th Armored Division, the 5th Special Forces Group, the 11th Airborne, the SAS, SBS, and two regiments of Scottish Highlanders on retainer. Also the US Navy's Pacific Fleet and the Siberian Forces of the Russian Army.

There are 1,403 girl scout troops, 734 Brownie Troops, and 8 Senior Girls Scout troops waiting (the Senior Girls Scouts are my personal advisers). 814 Boy Scouts and 875 Explorer Scouts also will want payment. And then there are all the camerapeople, grippeople, bestboypeople, molepeople, costumepeople, makeuppeople, lightingpeople, and extras. Not to mention all the cossacks, cowboys, and cavalry (and their horses).

And what should I do about the population of the nation of Marzunda? They want their fish!

And all those explosives! Do you have any idea of the cost of those thermonuclear bombs you wanted so badly?????

To whom do I sent the bills? Little Hawk or you?


24 Nov 03 - 06:02 PM (#1060135)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

No question: Send the bill to Bush. He can hide the items in his Iraq budget. Looks like we have to start a religion. And regarding the Senior Girl Scouts: they were supposed to be at the starlet interviews. Any left-over bills go to Little Hawk. Let's hang on to the thermo-nukes. Just in case we have to 'off' the thermos.


24 Nov 03 - 07:59 PM (#1060220)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

And the cookies that the Girl Scouts brought at your insistence? GWB would choke on 'em, like he does on pretzels.


24 Nov 03 - 08:08 PM (#1060225)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe

Hey you people better be careful - talking about thermo-nukes openly like that! You'll attract attention to us nice innocent folkies from the NSA!

Ooops!

OK now! Everybody wave to the nice guys watching us all at Echelon!

Hi Guys! Keep reading the messages!

Robin


24 Nov 03 - 08:31 PM (#1060246)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

It's all Rapaire's fault. Sorry buddy, but I can't take the rap for this. Too many starlets waiting in the wings. At my age, this could take a while. I hope you understand.

Stupid of me to mention the unmentionables. That's code for unowatt. That's code for uno. That's code for we better stop talking about whatever we're talking about that was caused by whomever. That's code for all you guys and gals at Echelon. We're with you. We support whatever it is you do. Don't actually tell us what that is, unless you put it in c##e. In fact, the typo that said thermo-nukes should have read thermal-cukes. We're trying out a new recipe for C U C U M B E R S. With a one letter transposition, read it D V D V N C F S T.

On second thought, Rapaire, I'll take the rap. My knees gave out; sorry. No blindfold, you know. Must stiffen the old upperlip.

And in the words of WC Fields (for my friends at Echelon), "On second thought, G V D L 'F N."


24 Nov 03 - 08:45 PM (#1060262)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

Sorry I mentioned those thermonuclear toaster ovens, Brucie. You said that they were "real bombs" because they got everything too hot. They really aren't composed of a gun- or sleeve-type fission weapon surrounded by lithium VI deutride and they look like every other toaster oven.


24 Nov 03 - 08:48 PM (#1060263)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

President Bush is the bossage,
Of makers and takers of sausage,
His computers keep track
Of the Echelon fact
-ory's usage/abusage of lossage.


24 Nov 03 - 08:53 PM (#1060266)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Jaysus, Rapaire, put it in code!

Kbztvt' Sbqbjsf' qvu ju jo dpef. Xf xjmm hfu jo effq tiju.


24 Nov 03 - 08:53 PM (#1060267)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Donuel

A glimpse of a marminator in the dark
http://www.angelfire.com/md2/customviolins/bump1.jpg


24 Nov 03 - 09:35 PM (#1060296)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

v41ufpI
z3t14Z1
xX59rTR
2nQpPc6
obWWzx5
G0t1txx
6ruc13?


24 Nov 03 - 09:53 PM (#1060307)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Amos

Rapire finally came up with an unbreakable cipher system!! Kewwwwl!!!

A


25 Nov 03 - 07:19 AM (#1060491)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

No it ain't unbreakable. There's a message in it. Really there is. And it's NOT difficult to decrypt, but it's not one of your simple-minded one-offs. Then again, it's not a one-use-pad, either.


25 Nov 03 - 01:59 PM (#1060711)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie

I've gone and done it now. I had Marmite on toast with my breakfast this morning.


25 Nov 03 - 04:45 PM (#1060800)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe

I've got a whole continuous roll of blank one-use pads fitted to my toilet wall...


25 Nov 03 - 10:57 PM (#1061031)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

Robin, I'll bet that your messages stink.


26 Nov 03 - 12:10 AM (#1061076)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Little Hawk

What is this about sending me all the leftover bills???? Geez, I go to Atlanta for the weekend and everthing goes crazy in my absence!

Look, forget about me paying those bills. I say, keep working the Nigeria angle for all it's worth, and hire William Shatner to star in the film. He's got no shame, he'll go for it like a duck diving for swamp bugs. With Shatner in it the film is guaranteed to go far and be remembered for decades afterward...if not centuries.

- LH


26 Nov 03 - 01:59 AM (#1061127)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: The Fooles Troupe

Well, Rapaire,
it's not as if I haven't been accused of talking shit before...

Robin


26 Nov 03 - 04:56 PM (#1061531)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Be ecologically friendly. Use both sides of the toilet paper.

Rapaire, All I got is 'got it brucie?' I'll keep at it.


26 Nov 03 - 06:41 PM (#1061615)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Peace

Little Hawk, it's great that you're back. Have had a terrible time keeping the expenses under control. I guess we'll just have to smarten up. I realize that thirty-five million for a dog house is a bit much, but, hey, it's a tax write off. That will be easy to do when we have an income.


26 Nov 03 - 07:41 PM (#1061670)
Subject: RE: BS: The Marminator
From: Rapparee

Gooooooooooooood Brucie! Nice brucie! Brucie did gooooooooooood. Let's see if Brucie can get the rest of it. It's not hard, it's a easy as pie. I think he can do it. Now sit Brucie! Sit boy!