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Farting in Public

26 Sep 01 - 09:27 PM (#559541)
Subject: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Jane L

Last night while performing at an open mike I was introducing a somber ballad song, and during the intro was treated to this horrible sound (fart) emitting from an emarrassed audience member (it was obviously not done on purpose). Needless to say it cracked everyone up and I did a rousing song instead. Anyone ever have any weird stuff like this happen to them?

Jane


26 Sep 01 - 09:37 PM (#559546)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: rangeroger

Sounds like a case of quantum cloud entanglement.

rr


26 Sep 01 - 09:37 PM (#559547)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

BBBRRRAAAAWWWWMMMPPP

.....aaahhhhhhhhh......good one........

Now........What's the problem again?

Spaw


26 Sep 01 - 09:51 PM (#559554)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Steve in Idaho

Like Spaw says - Now what was the problem? ROTFLMAO

Peace - Steve


26 Sep 01 - 09:51 PM (#559555)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Donuel

THE Mother of ALL farts occured in a Circuit City Store in DC.

Before Xmas there was a llllooong line of people waiting to pick up their purchased merchandise from the single 'warehouse' clerk. Some how one kid managed to choke the ENTIRE STORE with a fart soo foul so hideous you can not begin to imagine. People walking in the front door with smiles suddenly covered their face and left. Warehouse employees coming in with merchandise could be seen writhing their face as if in a sand storm as soon as they got in range. People who had already paid were determined to stay BUT IT ONLY GOT WORSE>A blind couple sped for the door a bit too fast-wham... The kids who tried to laugh could only cough , wives left their husband to endure while they evacuated. One hysterical guy was yelling my buddy did that, over and over! There were apparently several people who were honestly perplexed with the commotion which could only mean they had no sense of smell. After Xmas the building was merciflly remodeled with tall ceilings.


26 Sep 01 - 10:20 PM (#559570)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Clinton Hammond

Pull my finger...


26 Sep 01 - 11:29 PM (#559615)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia

Several months ago a bloke here was taken to the local police station for questioning. He convinced the cops he was innocent and as he was leaving he let rip with a robust fart. The witnesses, the agrieved cops who hadn't been able to pin anything on the farter, said the fart was meant to mock them and immediately arrested him for "being obnoxious in a public place", or words to that effect.
The poor bloke was chucked in the slammer and, at his first trial, was found guilty and released with a hefty fine. This verdict was overturned on appeal with the judge telling the police to grow up as well as hitting them with the legal costs.
The irony is that it all took place in the town of Werribee, where the State's main sewerage farm is, and the aroma is most noticeable when driving through.

JG / FME


27 Sep 01 - 12:14 AM (#559641)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: paddymac

Without question the most hilarious work by Mark Twain is a piece called "1601: A Fireside Conversatyion in the Time of the Tudors" (or something close to that - it's been a long time since I read it). The story line is quite simple: a horrendous fart at the table, followed by a round of denials. If you do, or ever did, think a fart can be funny, you might appreciate Twain's artistry.


27 Sep 01 - 12:19 AM (#559644)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: DougR

It could have been worse. It could have been accompanied with attendent solid matter I suppose. Then you could have proclaimed to your audience, "Well, it happens."

DougR


27 Sep 01 - 12:23 AM (#559646)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Murray MacLeod

Reminds me of the ancient joke.
Aristocratic lady at table lets rip a loud one, turns round to butler and says "STOP IT, JAMES".
Butler says, "Certainly Madam, which way did it go?"

Murray


27 Sep 01 - 01:16 AM (#559665)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie

The story is told about Queen Victoria, I think. The Queen was showing off her stables and her prize stallions to a visiting dignitary, when one of the horses let a humongous, foul fart. The Queen, being quite dismayed, blurted out to her guest, "Oh, dear sir, I am terribly sorry!" (or words to that effect)--to which the gentleman replied "That's quite all right, Your Highness. Actually, I had thought it was the horse!


27 Sep 01 - 03:38 AM (#559716)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Hamish

I sat next a duchess at tea As emarrassing a time as could be Her rumblings abdominal Were simply phenominal And everyone thought it was me


27 Sep 01 - 03:45 AM (#559725)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Ella who is Sooze

As I play in a band who are exept me and another all boys... You kind of get used to this behaviour.

Trumpet trousers!

The best laugh though was in a yoga class I used to go to for years...

Yoga relaxes... EVERYTHING!

and often in class whilst people were stretching, and holding yogic stances or bringing their legs over their heads etc, then someone would uncontrolable let one out. Much to their embaressment, and used to make me and my friend just crack up totally.

Especially when it was one of the more refined looking elderly ladies...

Methane yoga!

:)


27 Sep 01 - 05:03 AM (#559737)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Linda Kelly

I own a thirteen year old dog with poor digestion -there is nothing that shocks me anymore!!!


27 Sep 01 - 05:13 AM (#559742)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: KingBrilliant

Oh my Lord!!!! I did it only yesterday. Right next to the cereals in Tesco. Luckily there was no-one nearby.
The worst farts in the world come from Hamm's backside. She is truly foul - and insists that I should join her in sniffing them in deeply the better to appreciate them.

Kris


27 Sep 01 - 05:37 AM (#559747)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

Re: the Mark Twain 1601 thing try this link

If you search form project gutenberg , and then look for "Mark Twain 1601"

And it is funny..

Cheers

Steven


27 Sep 01 - 05:43 AM (#559750)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: alanww

I remember in the lobby of the changing rooms / toilet block on the camp site at Chippenham FF at about 2 am during the usual singaround [a good place to be as Alan White had fixed up a barrel of real ale!]. Well just as someone was in the fifth verse of a rather boring sad ballad ... a noise was heard.
Well, the problem wasn't that it happened but I shook it out of my trousers and I stamped on it to kill it (as you do!) At that point several of us sniggered so much that we had to retreat into one of the changing room and we couldn't stop giggling until after he had finished his song ...

"Don't mind the wind ...!"
Alan


27 Sep 01 - 05:43 AM (#559751)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: IanC

Olde Englise Rhyme, learned from my father.

Where e'er ye be, let your win run free
In Church or Chapel, let it rattle

;-)


27 Sep 01 - 07:13 AM (#559761)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Mandolin King

2 interesting things in that vein have happened to me while working the 3rd shift at a convenience store. One was a very attractive girl of about 25 who was in shopping and while bending over to get a cold drink from the cooler she let out an amazingly loud and long fart. She was so embarrassed about it but I just let her know it was no big deal and happened al the time in the store (I guess even the "beautiful people" fart too). The other wasn't farting but was also on the 3rd shift in which 3 girls of about 20 or so came in with trench coats on at about 3 AM and proceeded to take them off to reveal that they were totally nude (I think it was a college initiation thing as it's near the college and they stayed for like 5 minutes pretending to shop). Needless to say - I volunteered for night duty for quite some time after that. No other nudies though :(


27 Sep 01 - 08:14 AM (#559776)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon

While searching for a more readable version of 1601, I found it quoted in its entirety by a certain flatulence-obsessed gentleman who calls himself Dr. Salvo. Although Dr. Salvo has some witticisms of his own worth reading, you can skip all that and go directly to Twain's text by searching for the word "Yesternight" -- and the same trick works with the Project Gutenberg text that Steven linked to above.


27 Sep 01 - 08:27 AM (#559782)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon

Jewish law apparently prescribes a special prayer to be used if one needs to "break wind or sneeze" while praying:

"Master of the Universe, You have created us with many openings and cavities. Our shame and our disgrace are open and known before You; shame and disgrace during our lifetime, worms and insects after death."

Details here.


27 Sep 01 - 08:29 AM (#559784)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Murray MacLeod

As a matter of interest, would the earliest known literary reference to farting be in Chaucer ? I seem to remember one of the Canterbury Tales being particularly bawdy, and containing an account of a lady farting in her blindfolded lovers face. Probably the "Miller's Tale," if memory serves me right.

Murray


27 Sep 01 - 08:36 AM (#559787)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Ella who is Sooze

oh lovely, it's ye olde versione of ....

quick burgulars, and being held captive under the duvet...


27 Sep 01 - 08:37 AM (#559789)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: sophocleese

There is a story of farting in One Thousand and One Arabian Nights. Of course I can't remember when that was first published.


27 Sep 01 - 09:41 AM (#559837)
Subject: Lyr Add: SUMER IS ICUMEN IN
From: Jim Dixon

SUMER IS ICUMEN IN
(Anonymous Middle English, c. 1260)

Sumer is icumen in,
Lhude sing, cuccu!
Groweth sed and bloweth med
And springth the wude nu.
Sing, cuccu!

Awe bleteth after lomb,
Lhouth after calve cu
Bulloc sterteth, bucke ferteth.
Murie sing, cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu,
Wel singes thu, cuccu.
Ne swik thu naver nu!

Sing cuccu nu, sing cuccu!
Sing cuccu nu, sing cuccu!

[Modernized spelling:]

Summer is a-coming in
Loudly sing, cuckoo!
Groweth seed and bloometh meadow
And springeth the wood anew.
Sing, cuckoo!

Ewe bleateth after lamb,
Loweth after calf, cow.
Bullock leapeth, buck farteth,
Merrily sing, cuckoo!
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
Well singest thou, cuckoo!
Nor cease thou never, now!

Sing cuckoo now, sing cuckoo!
Sing cuckoo now, sing cuckoo!


27 Sep 01 - 09:49 AM (#559845)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon

From "Brief Lives," by John Aubrey:

Edward De Vere: Earl of Oxford

This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his return the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart.


27 Sep 01 - 09:58 AM (#559851)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Donuel

I think Ben Franklin wrote a classic on this subject.


27 Sep 01 - 10:02 AM (#559852)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Scabby Doug at work

(Slaps own wrist for posting as GUEST)

Re the history of farting: St. Augustine (The City of God, XIV:24) cites the instance of a man who could command his rear trumpet to sound at will, which his learned commentator fortifies with the example of one who could do so in tune!
(from the 1601 article I (very very badly) linked to above)

Cheers

Steven


27 Sep 01 - 10:31 AM (#559871)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Steve Parkes

Then Nicolas let flee a fart
As round as goeth a thunder-clap

The Miller's Tale

Funny how some bits stick in you r mind, isn't it?

Steve, trying to keep a straight face as I type in the <BR>s


27 Sep 01 - 11:18 AM (#559898)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: mooman

There are certainly references to farting in Chaucer but one of my favourite passages on the subject is from Francoise Rabelais' "Gargantua and Pantagruel". Certainly one can see from this that Pantagruel could have been a worthy rival to our own dear 'Spaw!

Then said Pantagruel, Come, my lads, let us begone! we have stayed here too long about our victuals; for very seldom doth it fall out that the greatest eaters do the most martial exploits. There is no shadow like that of flying colours, no smoke like that of horses, no clattering like that of armour. At this Epistemon began to smile, and said, There is no shadow like that of the kitchen, no smoke like that of pasties, and no clattering like that of goblets. Unto which answered Panurge, There is no shadow like that of curtains, no smoke like that of women's breasts, and no clattering like that of ballocks. Then forthwith rising up he gave a fart, a leap, and a whistle, and most joyfully cried out aloud, Ever live Pantagruel! When Pantagruel saw that, he would have done as much; but with the fart that he let the earth trembled nine leagues about, wherewith and with the corrupted air he begot above three and fifty thousand little men, ill- favoured dwarfs, and with one fisg that he let he made as many little women, crouching down, as you shall see in divers places, which never grow but like cow's tails, downwards, or, like the Limosin radishes, round. How now! said Panurge, are your farts so fertile and fruitful? By God, here be brave farted men and fisgued women; let them be married together; they will beget fine hornets and dorflies. So did Pantagruel, and called them pigmies. Those he sent to live in an island thereby, where since that time they are increased mightily. But the cranes make war with them continually, against which they do most courageously defend themselves; for these little ends of men and dandiprats (whom in Scotland they call whiphandles and knots of a tar-barrel) are commonly very testy and choleric; the physical reason whereof is, because their heart is near their spleen.

mooman


27 Sep 01 - 11:52 AM (#559923)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: 53

fart or not to fart that is the question. i say if you gotta you gotta, that's how bob dylan wrote the song, blowin in the wind. bob


27 Sep 01 - 12:02 PM (#559930)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D

All Armed Forces Champion


27 Sep 01 - 12:07 PM (#559933)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Steve Parkes

Two distinct jets--I am impressed!

steve


27 Sep 01 - 12:23 PM (#559943)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,JohnB

How dare you fart before my wife! Sorry I did not know it was her turn, said the drunk. JohnB


27 Sep 01 - 12:24 PM (#559944)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Biskit

little lady Helen--Ne'er blush my child; thoul't tickle thy tender maidenhedde with many a mousy squeak before thous learnst to blow a hurricane like this!! OH GEEEZ, classic Clemmens! I laughed 'till I cried,..then I laughed some more! ~B~


27 Sep 01 - 12:49 PM (#559967)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: LR Mole

Pleasantries and transparent excuses:
Damn rats.
(Glancing upward) Barking spiders.
(Glancing down) Floorboards...
And wasn't there one where you pretended it was the first note of a song you were singing?


27 Sep 01 - 12:57 PM (#559973)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mrrzy

Once in a grocery store, one of my sis-out-laws (with small child in cart) let loose a really foul, but silent, miasma. She was trying to walk out of the cloud when her child piped up (at the top of his lungs, of course) I smell Mommy farts! - and she couldn't even pretend it wasn't her child, poor thing!


27 Sep 01 - 01:00 PM (#559979)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Clinton Hammond

What was the line on Enterprise last night?

You can't be afraid of the wind....


27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM (#559987)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon

Here is Benjamin Franklin's A Letter to the Royal Academy of Brussels.


27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM (#559988)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mike Byers

The absolute worst place for mass, uncontrolled public farts is an altitude chamber. Physics dictates that as the chamber is pumped to a lower pressure, internal gases will expand. And expand they do, with great vigor. Fortunately, you are usually wearing an oxygen mask, as the experience otherwise might not be survivable.


27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM (#559989)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mr Red

Is this a report?
bum bum

I once sang "Waltzing Matilda" standing on my head
The Folk Club (in the UK of course) cracked-up because not only was I singing Oz style while my girlfriend held my ankles but she tried to pour beer down my trouser leg & couples got up and waltzed around the floor.
A beer break was called immediately thereafter in deference to any poor sole who tried to follow that.
I can't see that FC accepting such antics now - po faced IS the word.


27 Sep 01 - 01:18 PM (#559991)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mrrzy

My father told me that the original definition of a "dweeb" was someone who farted in the bathtub just to watch the bubbles - Can anyone confirm that?


27 Sep 01 - 01:27 PM (#559996)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Steve in Idaho

I love the long high reedy sounds, I love the quiet ones in an elevator, dogs in their sleep, loud and raucous in private - or not - they all make me laugh!!

Anyone who has been with a Rifle Company after a long night on watch - ah the rising of the tunes - it's a stress reliever, a contest, a fitting end (pun intended) to a jovial night of music with friends while standing in the parking lot. Oh to be a kid again and have the freedom to express myself in the office -

What a hoot!!! Steve


27 Sep 01 - 02:23 PM (#560059)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: 53

that sounds like a dweeb to me. bob


27 Sep 01 - 02:56 PM (#560087)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Fartin Tartan

I sat with the duchess to tea
She enquired "Do you fart when you pee?"
I replied "Not a bit -
Do you belch when you s**t?"
And I felt that was one up to me.


27 Sep 01 - 02:58 PM (#560090)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Wyrd Sister

Jean Genet said something about carrying farts like roses to his nose. But it's 30yrs since I read it so I can't remember exactly.


27 Sep 01 - 03:00 PM (#560091)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Ditchdweller

1st Verse for Hamish:-

At tea with the dutchess McPhee,

She said "Sir, do you fart when you pee?"

I replied "Not a bit!"

"Do you belch when you s***?"

"A capital answer!" Said She


27 Sep 01 - 03:11 PM (#560099)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: mooman

As an "amateur" myself (as they say in these parts) of this fair art, I decided to consult one of my favourite sources, the very excellent Sick Notes - An Alphabetical Browsing-Book of Derivations, Abbreviations, Mnemonics and Slang for the Amusement and Edification of Medic, Nurses, Patients and Hypochondriacs by Fritz Spiegl. Not unsurprisingly, it proved once again an invaluable resource.

Spiegl cites two important treatises on farting: Thurlow's Essays on Wind of 1825 which describes "five or six species of fart" and a French paper L'art de peter, Essai theori-physique et methodique (sorry can't do the proper acute accents on this keyboard!) published in 1776.

More interestingly he also quotes from the Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy of 1993 which is pretty much the standard "bible" to be found on any general practicioner's desk. Surprisingly, this learned tome is remarkably staightforward in its language of classifying "four fart types" as follows:

1) The "slider": (crowded elevator type), which is released slowly and noiselessly, sometimes with devastating effect

2) The open sphincter or "pooh" type: said to be of a higher temperature and more aromatic

3) The staccato or drumbeat type, pleasantly passed in privacy (this is the spurious connection to a music forum!)

4) The "bark" type, characterised by a sharp exclamatory eruption that effectively interrupts (and often concludes) conversation. Aromaticity is not a feature.

Speigl goes on at much greater length but I recommend you procure a copy of this excellent book to enjoy both that and its many other gems of information.

All of this deliberation let me to further ponder how these four fart types could best be described onomatopoeically.

Reading earlier posts in this thread, 'Spaw's "BBBRRRAAAAWWWWMMMPPP" probably refers to type 4, although my keen ear detects the presence of an "M" which could hint at a touch of moisture, which could point towards type 2. Clearly aromaticity could be an important classification criterion here but we on this forum are sadly not in a position to judge on this (perhaps a task for FSGW attendees?).

Since flatulence makes a regular appearance on this site, it would be interesting to get the views of other 'Catters on the onomatopoeic representation of the other fart types so that we may more accurately transcribe them in our future postings.

Yours fartfully,

mooman


27 Sep 01 - 03:30 PM (#560103)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak

There is an entertaining little volume entitled 'A History of Farting' (available for perusal in our bathroom), by Dr Benjamin Bart... which has a great deal of information both anecdotal and medical about anal eructations, a most pleasing thing to read whilst engaged upon other 'tasks' in the same room...

Did not the Emperor Claudius decree that farting was essential? One of the consuls dropped dead of intestinal troubles because he would not fart in front the Emperor, so Claudius decreed that farting was permissable.

And champagne corks are supposed to come out of the bottle with a 'sound like an angel's fart', rather than this vulgar popping sound and spray everywhere... unless of course that is how angels fart....

And I'm surprised no one has formed a blue clicky to the infamous 'cat farts' thread yet.....

LTS


27 Sep 01 - 03:36 PM (#560106)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Fortunato

"It was only flatulation, I know."


27 Sep 01 - 05:25 PM (#560209)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D

years ago, my ex-wife and I were standing in the den talking to a friend..(TOTALLY forget who now..)...when suddenly, I felt a buildup of gas in my nether regions...and *brrrrrraaappp*...I let loose with an enormous fart!...well, there was this awkward pause, as I tried to summon some apology...when, from my wife there came this tiny little *poot*..about .072% the size of mine. She looked up innocently, and with a perfectly straight face says, "It took me a minute to think of the answer."

....it is still one of the best imprompteau lines I have heard...


27 Sep 01 - 06:28 PM (#560253)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jane2001

When my daughter was in her teens, she and her friends displayed highly laudable scientific interest in the combustible nature of farts. I told them how to collect them by displacement of water so that they could carry out their experiments in safety. Years later they told me that they used to keep jam jars of farts in various stages of ripeness inside their desks to be unleashed at suitable moments.


27 Sep 01 - 06:58 PM (#560268)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: VoxFox

OH MY GAWD, I'm dying here Bill. Tears are rolling down my face and my hands are shaking so much I can hardly type.That has to be the best ever. Wait, I have to clean the spittle off my screen. Ok, done now, oooops, guess not. I'm sure glad I didn't have beans for supper. VF


27 Sep 01 - 07:07 PM (#560274)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Paul from Hull

Jane, I can well believe it of the girls.....*GRINS*

Great thread folks, btw...had me in fits of laughter time & time again!


27 Sep 01 - 07:15 PM (#560281)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: 53

fart while you are in church and the preacher is praying, you know one of thos #4 farts. bob


27 Sep 01 - 08:45 PM (#560342)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: rangeroger

The way to tell if a woman is wearing panty hose is her ankles swell when she farts.

rr


27 Sep 01 - 09:22 PM (#560368)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK

I remember one time when I was singing at a club near my home town and let rip in the middle of a very poigniant moment of the song. The acoustics were wonderful at that club...the ale too.


27 Sep 01 - 10:54 PM (#560427)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

I used to go with a girl who was a farter - had no problems just letting it out. Pretty interesting I must say - it only flipped me out when I realized that she inherited this gift from her father AND mother. Nothing weirder than your girfriend's mom farting on purpose in front of you!


28 Sep 01 - 02:29 AM (#560516)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak

I knew my best friend's family and I were going to get on real well when her mother let loose a 'calico ripper' and DIDN'T blame the dogs! (For the term calico ripper - take a piece of calico or other tough cotton material. Rip it from end to end. Should last about 3-5 seconds and be audible in another room).

The changeover from church pews to comfortable chairs has meant the demise of the 'hymn book dropper'. That rattle or rumble down the back of the pew that makes you drop your hymn book in a desperate attempt to hide your face during the prayers, because it only happens during the prayers. Never during the loud bits. Although a certain 'trumpet voluntary' has been heard over some of the more energetic chorus type songs....

The best one I ever heard came from the arse of no less a person than the Archbishop of Canterbury himself..... Ah, the "advantages" of sitting in the choir.....

LTS


28 Sep 01 - 04:35 AM (#560549)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Trevor

This thread has me absolutely on my back, laughing like the aliens in the 'Smash' advert (USA catters - you had to be there). Have you ever noticed,when the dog farts while he's lying in front of the fire, he lifts his head and looks round, wondering where its come from before realising that it was him and going down for the big sniff. Ther's a brilliant Bill Cosby recording where he talks about being on his honeymoon and never having farted in front of his wife before. He's trying to hold on to it 'until my leg was aching'.


28 Sep 01 - 07:04 AM (#560587)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jeremiah McCaw

Had a friend who related that he was doing yoga one day, and tried a new posture which translated as "gas relief position" and was astounded to find it very accurately labeled. Said it was so bad that even the dogs ran howling from the room!

Somewhere around the turn of the century (previous one, that is) there was a performer in the French music halls (read: "bordellos") known as "Le Petomaine" who was able to fart in pitch. I believe the "Marseillaise" was his show-stopper. ("Le Petomaine" derives from "peterade" -sp? - defined in my larousse as 1} a series of short sharp explosions; 2} a series of farts) (Even sillier sidelight: 'twas while in search for this definition that I accidently discovered the fine irony that in French the word for 'lesbian' is considered a masculine noun!)

Trivia: homage to the above was paid by Mel Brooks in "Blazing Saddles". His governor character was named "William G. Lepetomaine".


28 Sep 01 - 08:05 PM (#561091)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Nancy King

ROTFLMAO!!!

We used to have a rudimentary (I use that word advisedly) classification system: There was the Squeaker, the SBD (Silent But Deadly), the Tear-Ass Rattler, the Thunder-Rumble, etc.

Cheers, Nancy


28 Sep 01 - 08:27 PM (#561098)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D

that's a "fundimental" system...*grin*


28 Sep 01 - 08:31 PM (#561100)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

Lest you all think this is a new subject to the 'Cat, please go back and read this thread.......Facts on Farts (Phartin Phenomena) which is filled with 'information'....so to speak.

For a somewhat scientific view of the art of the fart, CLICK HERE

To give an added punch to your farts, try this salsa recipe.

And of course the last rip on naming them goes to "The Crepitation Contest" between Lord Winderschmear and Paul Boomer. Chanteyranger was good enough to make a copy for me as it had been many years since I lost my vinyl to this classic.

Spaw


28 Sep 01 - 08:47 PM (#561107)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK

"I'VE FARTED"
I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans

A gentleman tells before it smells
But I'm the kind of cheeky bugger
who lets off and doesn't let on.
I've let them off in bus queues
In phone boxes and trains
and when they stink the people blink and blame it on the drains.


I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans Bubbles in the bath
real rip snorters
up on one cheek and hope it don't make a noise
window rattlers
cushion creamers
don't shake your leg and keep it in your couderoys


I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans
that snippet of song comes from a boyhood summer cackling to a record of IVOR BIGGUN AND THE RED NOSED BURGLERS that I found in my uncle's record collection, and unfortunately that's all I can remember of it.


28 Sep 01 - 08:50 PM (#561109)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK

For some reason the end of the chorus got cut of each time. here it is in full


I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans


28 Sep 01 - 08:52 PM (#561111)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK

*sheesh* here's the last line again


I've broken wind, I've dropped my guts
open the window please


28 Sep 01 - 09:07 PM (#561117)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

Of course if you can't be there to fart with your friends in public, SEND THEM A FART!!!

Spaw


28 Sep 01 - 09:15 PM (#561129)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Tattie Bogle

My parents rescued an old golden labrador from a dog rescue centre: we soon realised why he had been abandoned by his former owners ( sounds just like Trvor's dog too )

25 years ago I had the misfortune to work with an anaesthetist whose nickname was SBD (silent but deadly): his patients probably didn't need much nitrous oxide or halothane!

Another medical colleague has this theory, which he asserted loudly at a meeting I went to, that no-one would be bothered with Irritable bowel syndrome if they just farted when they wanted to, and didn't hold it all in!

And I could go on, but I have to go to bed and prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmp down the bedclothes!

Tattie


28 Sep 01 - 09:20 PM (#561130)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni

If you want to read about some Farts of Folktale, click here ...Maybe this could turn into a song challenge, and folks could try to write a ballad from one of these stories?

Just a thought...


28 Sep 01 - 09:43 PM (#561140)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mark Cohen

A friend who grew up in Massachusetts but lived in France for a time tells of how she would ask people to repeat something they'd said by saying, "Repetez, s'il vous plait" (the first two e's should have an accent aigu, but I don't know how to do it). Only she pronounced it wrong (without the accents), and she later found out she'd been asking them to "Fart again, please!" It's now a standing joke with her bilingual children.

Aloha,
Mark


28 Sep 01 - 10:54 PM (#561163)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie

•Here is Hamish's limerick, with line breaks added:

I sat next a duchess at tea
As emarrassing a time as could be
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenominal
And everyone thought it was me


•Actually, Mrrzy, when I was a teenager, my brother told me that was the definition of "frump."

•Fortunato,
Here's more of the song you started:

It was flatulation, I know
And it should have ended right there with that "pop."
You were passing wind, just like all your kin,
And it could have gone on all day without stopping.
It was flatulation, I know,
I could hear you over the banjos and drums.
When I took your hand for the dance, I could sense it:
Flatulation from your bum.

Here's one I started to write a couple of years ago when my nephews were at that stage where everything scatalogical was hilarious to them.


I let a fart in San Francisco,
High on a hill above the Bay.
It cleared out several Cable Cars
And upscale singles' bars--
That gaseous fog sure fouled the air!
But, who cares?
You left me there in San Francisco,
A very blue and windy me!
If I come back to you, San Francisco,
There'll be a warrant our for me!


28 Sep 01 - 11:01 PM (#561168)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

BTW, the reference I made above to "frump" was "someone who farts in the bathtub and bites the bubbles.

Also, here is a corrected version of the "San Francisco" parody;

I let a fart in San Francisco,
High on a hill by the Bay so fair. It cleared out several Cable Cars And upscale singles' bars-- That gaseous fog sure fouled the air! But, who cares? You left me there in San Francisco, A very blue and windy me! If I come back to you, San Francisco, There'll be a warrant out for me!

Genie (whose cookie expired after first sign-in this evening and had to be reset)


28 Sep 01 - 11:02 PM (#561169)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie

There! This time it should say "Genie" without the "guest."


28 Sep 01 - 11:15 PM (#561173)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

The other Duchess limerick where the Duchess "scores:"

As I sat by the Duchess at tea
She asked if an eggplant I ever did see
I replied, "Yes," rather bored,
And she said, "Sir you've explored,"
Up a hen's ass much further than me!"

Spaw


29 Sep 01 - 04:32 AM (#561253)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mr Red

Mrrzy
re bathtub -
I always heard it that if they counted the bubbles they were puff adders (UK snake)


29 Sep 01 - 05:06 AM (#561264)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,guest

There is a distinctly apropos song, "Daddy Cut the Big One" in which each verse ends, "When Daddy cut the big one, in the Hornleg, Mississippi, da-da-da-da Baptist Church."


29 Sep 01 - 05:30 AM (#561269)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,me again

That's the Hornleg, Mississippi, Missionary Baptist Church.


29 Sep 01 - 06:42 AM (#561286)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Amy Canada

While removing my clothes for a bath/ A teriible odor came into my path/ 'cause that squeak on the floor/ was a little bit more/ It was me farting up my own draft!

or

I pulled down my pants on the loo/ Just waiting and waiting to poo/ but all that came out/ was a fart with such clout/ that I fell off the pot as it grew

or

While mooning my friends in Toledo/ I ripped a hole in my borrowed tuxedo/ My friends all applauded/ my fine ass was then lauded/ for the result of a bottle of Beano


29 Sep 01 - 07:11 AM (#561295)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Banjer

Seen on a bathroom wall....

Here I sit broken hearted
Thought I'd shit but only farted!


29 Sep 01 - 10:34 AM (#561359)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: VoxFox

Here's a ditty we used to say: Here I sit brokenhearted, Paid a dime but only farted, Then I thought I'd take a chance, Saved my dime but shit my pants. LOL VH


29 Sep 01 - 02:14 PM (#561435)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Argenine

Folks, I think we've just about hit bottom!


29 Sep 01 - 07:09 PM (#561558)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK

Bean, beans are good for your heart. The more you eat the more you fart.
or for the american version: Beans, beans the musical fruit. the more you eat the more you toot.


here's another one for after you've belched:

Pardon me for being so rude, it was not me it was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below. If had been below my heart, then it would have been a fart..

I use that one to teach the present perfect tense to my teenage students.


29 Sep 01 - 07:18 PM (#561562)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Banjer

AliUK, Strictly in the interest of furthering the education and forming of the young minds you work with I offer the rest of the first ditty:

Beans, beans, good for your heart,
The more you eat the more you fart,
The more you fart the better you feel,
Let's have beans for every meal!


29 Sep 01 - 07:27 PM (#561565)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

It's amazing this thing that we've started/ Knowing at times we've all have farted/ But praise I do say/ don't send it my way/ I've got my OWN smells I've discarded


30 Sep 01 - 05:59 PM (#562076)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: DancingMom

I feel better about my fart-obsessed 9- year-old son.

The Phartin Phenomena thread is hysterically funny.


30 Sep 01 - 07:32 PM (#562139)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bernard

Why do men fart more often than women?

Because women can't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up the required pressure...
(runs away giggling manically, carefully avoiding badly aimed rotten fruit...)


01 Oct 01 - 01:08 AM (#562305)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni

Um, Bernard, you wrote

"(runs away giggling manically, carefully avoiding badly aimed rotten fruit...)"

Who said it was badly aimed?!


01 Oct 01 - 09:57 AM (#562502)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,MC Fat

I've just put this message on the 'Nudity in Public' thread but perhaps it belongs more in here !! A few years ago whilst working for Doncaster Libraries I had a farting experience par excellance. At the time I ran the Doncaster Folk Club and this required me to drink copious quantities of rather fine Guinness every Tuesday night. Guinness as most people know is the best fart makers next to beans known to mankind. My staff hated Wednesdays we were located in a samll office with 'no windows'.My desk was located with my back to the door, I felt a real cracker coming on and lifted my backside off the chair pointing my arse into the air and let rip a real thunderer. Unfortunately I hadn't noticed that a hush had just descended on the room because the Audio Visual Librarian who also happened to be a vicar's wife was stood behind me about to ask me a question about a request for some folk music. She got full blast. After much profuse apologies I could only think of the old joke 'How dare you fart before the Vicar's wife !! Sory I didn't know it was her turn !!'


01 Oct 01 - 01:37 PM (#562658)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Steve in Idaho

Arg - you're killin me!!! ROTFLMAO - - Steve


01 Oct 01 - 02:03 PM (#562687)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: kendall

When I first saw this thread I thought, my God! is nothing off the table? Today, I was going to read the whole thing, then protest. But, far from being offensive, I have been LMAO!!

I have a Labrador retriever who likes to lay near me, and, thats ok until he farts. Then, you can not imagine a more foul odor, I swear it would knock a Hyena off a gut wagon. Plus, it makes my eyes smart, and it sets off the smoke alarm.

There once was a fella named Carter
He was a world famous farter
He could fart anything
From God Save the King
To Beethovens Moonlight Sonata.


01 Oct 01 - 02:22 PM (#562707)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,siouxsie

An aunty of mine married an indian prince, and she was rather put out that he would never take her to any social functions. He knew a little about English "etiquate" but she didn't know much of his country's traditions. She eventually pestered him so much that he took her along to one of the dinners. There they ate a really good feast and sat farting for the rest of the night. It was considered complementary to the chef!


01 Oct 01 - 02:38 PM (#562720)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni

Kendall --

You wrote:

"There once was a fella named Carter
He was a world famous farter
He could fart anything
From God Save the King
To Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata."

In Shakespeare's day (when they were far less prudish about these things than we were), farting a tune was a recognized, if not exzctly a respectable, skill. I believe there are a couple of lines from one of his plays that refers to this, in jest. I don't remember the lines exactly, and I can't remember if they are from "Hamlet" or from "Taming of the Shrew" (and I may be wrong in both cases), but the gist is something like this:

Man 1: And will there be musicians?
Man 2: Yes M'lord. They play wind instruments.
Man 1: Ah! Thereby hangs a tale ...

(and you thought 'Catters came up with groaners of puns! ;-))


01 Oct 01 - 09:37 PM (#563001)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

I've been reading this thread and laughing so hard I farted myself - too bad no one else was around to enjoy it.


01 Oct 01 - 10:03 PM (#563021)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Paul from Hull

"Blow winds, & crack your cheeks!"

King Lear


01 Oct 01 - 11:04 PM (#563067)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

Is this where the title for "Blow Ye Winds" came from? Is it truly about farting? ('Tis a joke)


01 Oct 01 - 11:37 PM (#563092)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Helping Hand

For all the fart and poop info you ever needed (or never needed):

www.fart.com/question.html


02 Oct 01 - 03:10 AM (#563178)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie

On one of Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion Shows, in the News From Lake Woebegon, he talked about a fraternal organization (like the Moose, Elk, etc.) in which one of therir annual highlights was to fart a particular melody in unisong in front of their wives and families.
Maybe I can find the reference to that particular show. It was priceless.
Genie


02 Oct 01 - 03:11 AM (#563179)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: MudGuard

Is this where the title for "Blow Ye Winds" came from? Is it truly about farting?

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind...


02 Oct 01 - 04:37 AM (#563237)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Metchosin

To turn this thread back into something music related click here


02 Oct 01 - 04:49 AM (#563240)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: alanww

Brilliant, Metchosin! If only I had that skill ... !

Don't mind the wind ...!"
Alan


02 Oct 01 - 08:15 AM (#563316)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: kendall

..the wind in the wires made a tattle tale sound, and a wave broke over the railing...


02 Oct 01 - 09:41 AM (#563365)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: guinnesschik

Ah, good ol' Mudcat! I've spewed coffee on my screen this morning.

When my beautiful 13 year old daughter was but a wee two year old, we were standing in a Christmas crowded line with our purchase. The little one ripped a huge gusty fart, and without missing a beat looked over at me and said with pure disgust, "Mommy!" The line cleared, and the cashier couldn't understand my inability to speak and the tears in my eyes. I've never been more proud of that child!

For fun stories about farting and really good nicknames for farts, go to www.fartfarm.com

Letting Fluffy off the leash...


02 Oct 01 - 10:52 AM (#563407)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Metchosin

Thanks Alan, I think that further proves that farting and folk music are one and the same.*BG*

Now with Spaw's raw talent, I'm sure it would only take a few lessons on his instrument before he could eventually blow off a few licks and end up sitting on a fortune.


02 Oct 01 - 12:39 PM (#563466)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni

Also, to bring this thread back to music is this 17th century catch posted by MMario last year:

A Lady and her Mayde"

(now who posted here that men fart more than women? ;-))


06 Oct 01 - 02:41 AM (#566124)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Genie

Here's more, from a very old thread

Click here


06 Oct 01 - 02:59 AM (#566127)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

Uh-huh..............So Genie...........No credit due the original poster of that grossly obnoxious link then???(:<))

Spaw


06 Oct 01 - 05:06 PM (#566372)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

I love it when women fart. Most of them try to lead us to believe that they never do - but I love when a fart slips out! Ever hang out by the bathroom door when a woman is in it? Great sounds.


06 Oct 01 - 05:17 PM (#566375)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

I assume you're getting therapy or treatment then Guest?

Spaw


06 Oct 01 - 06:35 PM (#566410)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Son of the Mill

A woman visits a doctor complaining of flatulence...... "However", she goes on to explain, " They don't smell and they are silent, for example I've done it twice since I've been here!"."I don't think this is too much of a problem," replies the doctor, "I'll prescribe some pills for the flatulence, in the meantime I'll make an appointment with the audiologist, and these nose drops should give you back your sense of smell".


06 Oct 01 - 07:58 PM (#566443)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK

hahahahahahahahahahhahaha. Reminds me of the time my wife was in a department store, the shop assistant bent down behind her just as she dropped an SBD. I've never seen anybody get up so quickly in my life.


06 Oct 01 - 09:01 PM (#566468)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Flawn

On the serious side of farting:

The current "News of the Weird" (in papers, not yet on website) describes an incident in Evanston IL where two mothers and their newborns were exposed to necrotizing fascitis bacteria via farts released by the surgeon who performed Caeserian section operations on them.

All are reported well now.

As if the world didn't have enough to worry about!


06 Oct 01 - 10:04 PM (#566507)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie

Spaw,
Did I goof -- on two counts?
I'm afraid I looked at the linked site only briefly and did not realize it was that gross. (I checked out a couple of other links which were ovbiously gross, so I didn't pass them on.)
If I was supposed to acknowledge the person who originally posted the link, sorry for the omission.
Genie


06 Oct 01 - 10:19 PM (#566512)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

LOL....Aw geez Genie, I was just kidding you on the fart link thing!!! The reason I originally linked that one is that Max went to Penn State and I like to give him hell about it. There ain't no rule........well except that of you eat my hot wings you must not complain about how painful it is to fart.

Spaw


06 Oct 01 - 10:25 PM (#566516)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Crane Driver

"Blessed be the lips that speaketh without a tongue"

Let 'em rip!


07 Oct 01 - 01:00 PM (#566812)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bernard

Bloke goes to the doctor's, complaining of extreme flatulence.

Whilst talking to the doc, he lets go a couple of real knicker-rippers, and the doc leaves the room.

He returns, carrying a large pole with a hook on the end.

Nervously our bloke asks the doc what he intends to do with the pole...

'I'm going to open the windows! It bloody stinks in here!!'


07 Oct 01 - 01:05 PM (#566817)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bernard

Erm... CapriUni - you asked who said the fruit was badly aimed... I believe it was me...!!

You were quoting me, duh!!

;o)


07 Oct 01 - 01:35 PM (#566830)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni

Bernard -- It was a rhetorical question... let me rephrase: "What makes you think the fruit is badly aimed?"

:::Splat:::


07 Oct 01 - 03:18 PM (#566903)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

test 

test test

test test


07 Oct 01 - 11:01 PM (#567162)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie

Spaw, Thanks for the tip about the wings!

Genie

BTW, are you "scat(alogical) singers" aware of the parody on "The Parting Glass" that is posted here at Mudcat?


08 Oct 01 - 09:44 AM (#567379)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bernard

CapriUni - so much for rhetoric, we are talking virtual rotten fruit here!

How do I know it was badly aimed?

Coz it MISSED!

Or are you simply admitting I'm good at dodging??

;o)


08 Oct 01 - 09:46 PM (#567878)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

testicle

testicle testicle

testicle testicle testicle

testicle testicle

testicle


09 Oct 01 - 07:47 PM (#568579)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bernard

Seems our anonymous 'GUEST' has a rather sad obsession...

Welcome to the club!!


23 Aug 02 - 03:31 PM (#770393)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Fartlover

Well Jane? hold on who did the fart was it you or the audience member? Cause I some how was under the impression that they'd done the fart. And about the DC department store fart how do you know for sure if it was a kids fart did you ever see or witness the farter at the time before during and after the fart? How many females would even fess up to such a fart? I remember one time when my late Dad was alive that we went to this Sears department store you know we were looking for some jeans. To make a long story short a couple pants try ons later these to fair pretty black ladies walked in they were both wearing dresses. Any way they were with these two kids that were very animate and lively running around and what not. Somewhere down the line one of them farted. Now I'm not saying it was necessarily the kids or the ladies nor that it wasn't neither one of them either. But the way they chose to deal with this anal emmission seems to me indicative that the lady on the right who laughed her ass off directly after the fart and the one who kept telling her not to laugh might be the guilty party. Here's why the lady who kept trying to silence her then proceeded to spray past her her direction with her perfume bottle in full tot. Women generally try that manuever to cover up their own farts... However I'm not quite sure now that I think about it as to which lady did the deed... SA -rest your cursor on this SA if you want to know who I am.


23 Aug 02 - 05:52 PM (#770467)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: tar_heel

geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz...are we serious here?i can remember about a year and a half ago,i left a few messages to my dearest SANDYTOES,in here and you would have thought thst i hsad committted the unpardonoble sin...now i come in here and read this SHIT...!!!DAMN!!!


23 Aug 02 - 08:12 PM (#770530)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Joe_F

Applause makes a good time to fart.


23 Aug 02 - 08:34 PM (#770539)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Genie

Farting in public now,
Never wanted to.
What am I to do?
I can't help it.

I break wind easily,
Stifle, though I may.
I'm just made that way
I can't help it.

Gas forms inside me like mountains of methane,
And if I let one, I know I'm not to blame.

Farting in public now,
Never wanted to.
What am I to do?
I can't help it.


24 Aug 02 - 04:59 AM (#770693)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: fogie

My husband did me deadly spite ,for he gave a fart in the middle of the night, put my servants all to flight, it shocked the dog ,it fused the lights. The fart it brake the fart it blew the fart it rattled the rafters through As through the house the fart did sound ,sometimes before ,sometimes behind. Its amazing what use idle minds can be put to is it not. Apologies to Martin Carthy and anyone who knows the Famous Flower ballad.


24 Aug 02 - 08:51 PM (#771056)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Big Mick

ROFLMAO...............

Growing up in the 50's and 60's in Michigan meant, in our house, that during the fall Sunday afternoons were spent in the living room with Da watching the Detroit Lions football game. There was Da, my brother Charley, myself, and my beagle Daisy Mae. There were very strict rules regarding this ritual. One was that one was not allowed to come into the living room and start a conversation about anything other than the game. This one applied mostly to my Mother. LOL. Another was that Da was to always have a fresh bottle of beer, one of which would invariably get thrown at the TV when the Lion quarterback, Milt Plumb comes to mind, did something stupid. Da always called him Plumb the Bum. Another part of the ritual was that at some point during the game, Da would let a monstrous, ass cheek clapping, stinky, fart. He would then shake his finger at poor Daisy Mae (who would be in her customary spot on the floor in front of the TV watching the game with us) and say "Daisy Mae, you dirty pup, you ought to be ashamed of yourself", which always brought a grin to my brother and my face. And poor aul Daisy would look at Da with her ears down. One Sunday while Daisy was laying there, her tail went straight up in the air, this whistling sound was heard, and the most God awful dry dogfood smelling fart came out of my pretty little hound. Before my brother and I even had time to laugh, Daisy turned around and looked squarely at Da, as if to say "Bernie, you dirty pup,...........". Charley and I laughed so hard that we had tears. The long suffering Miss Daisy Mae had her revenge.

Mick


29 Aug 02 - 01:40 AM (#773390)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST

He was once doing fine catspaw49


29 Aug 02 - 11:39 PM (#774022)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Wincing Devil

Q: Why do Farts Smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them to!

Here are some Facts on Farts


30 Aug 02 - 04:44 AM (#774089)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Eldorado Girl

When the great lord passes, the wise peasant bows deeply and silently farts.--- Ethiopian proverb.

I had heard something about a public health campaign in the Netherlands urging people to be less shy about farting in public, presumably because it's healthier out than in. Any Dutch Mudcatters out there? Did it work?


30 Aug 02 - 11:18 AM (#774260)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Larkin

My Granfather was caught on Westmiinster Bridge in London in WW2 as a V1bomb went over. Every one on the bridge went quiet as they listen incase it's engine stopped after it had gone over someone let rip a very nervous fart which was greeted by the comment from a very cultured man ' I say, I think i've just heared the first Cuckoo! '


30 Aug 02 - 11:22 AM (#774263)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Larkin

I really must spell check before I send stuff off- hope you got the gyst.


04 Oct 03 - 08:48 PM (#1029763)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

I pulled this one back up just to see the GoogleAd suggestions and somehow I can really see how well the thing works!!! One ad for "Gorillas" and the WWF and another for "Disaster Relief"!!! Kinda' sez it all ya' know............

Spaw


04 Oct 03 - 11:23 PM (#1029818)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: open mike

even better yet...the ads now say fart machines and remote control fart machines. can't imagine a more complete match to the subject!


05 Oct 03 - 12:23 AM (#1029841)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: rangeroger

I was trying to figure out what remote control fart machines and celtic music had to do with each other.

To further the subject;

My mother died last Nov. and I went to San Diego for the memorial services. Just before the dinner, the entire family was in my dad's small apartment at Fredericka Manor in Chula Vista. The living room was wall to wall people and I had to fart. My brother was by himself in the bedroom. I walked through the door and asked him to pull my finger. He did,and I ripped off aloud one. The entire living room full of people went silent until one of my nephews turned to his brother (both in their 30's) and said "Gee, that still works?"

Needless to say,everyone was laughing their heads off.

rr


05 Oct 03 - 12:49 AM (#1029850)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull

joke about farts=
posh woman in a big posh mansion farts, then says to the butler "stop that Jeeves", he replies, "certainly madam, which way did it go?" !


05 Oct 03 - 03:26 AM (#1029883)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak

A lord in his bath is interrupted by his butler Wibble, bringing him a carafe of finest vintage Tapwater. He looks askance at Wibble and asks him what the hell he thinks he's doing, interrupting him in his lovely bubbly bath. Wibble replies:

'My lord, I distinctly heard you, through the door, you said 'what about a water bottle Wibble'.

LTS


11 Jan 04 - 07:30 PM (#1090650)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,cinwop

One time my grandma farted in bed. It smelled so bad, and my little sister enjoyed the aroma so she promptly farted to inhale the vibrant odor. My brother pushed my grandma to the crack and then farted himself. Must have been the sourcrout! Another time my mom had a bad case of gas and farted so bad our entire house had to evacuate. Only my sister who enjoyed the aroma went back in for a good whiff. She loves the smelly ones...especilly those pre-pooping explosions. I love this site! Please let me know if you like the smell too so my sister can talk to you. Her name is fartalicious.


11 Jan 04 - 07:36 PM (#1090658)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,embarrased

my dad constantly asks me to pull his finger, is this normal?


11 Jan 04 - 07:50 PM (#1090667)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace

Try this: "Sing on oh sweet lips that never told a lie." That's from one of James Herriott's well-loved books.


11 Jan 04 - 09:23 PM (#1090747)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble

I've tried to resist this thread in good taste but here's a shanty verse:

If we're becalmed that will be a great sin,
Away, Rio!
But we can fill all our sails by just breakin' wind,
We're bound for the Rio Grande...

I'm not sure that there has been an adequate description of the classic underground recording of "The Great Farting Contest." Spaw apparently has a tape and should share its contents; the nomenclature and scoring of the farts is a hoot. My family's vinyl copy dissipated years ago. What was the origin of this recording?

My dear departed uncle once did a recording of Twain's "1601" which is available on special order CD from Smithsonian for those who are truly interested.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


11 Jan 04 - 10:01 PM (#1090774)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace

Y'ain't supposed to taste 'em, Charley.


12 Jan 04 - 03:45 AM (#1090907)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak

I visited my Dr a few weeks ago, depression has hit again, and he wrote me a prescription for a book - I think I may print this thread out and give him a copy to give to hand out to other sufferers!

LTS


12 Jan 04 - 04:11 AM (#1090917)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin

Talented doggies.


12 Jan 04 - 06:11 AM (#1090959)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Dave Bryant

A version of this joke is posted already, but I think that this is a more complete version.

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he just can't stop farting. "It's no great problem because they're silent and odourless" he tell the doctor, "You wouldn't realise it but I've dropped at least ten farts since I've been in here". The doctor gives hin a prescription and tells him to return in a week. At the next appointment, the man says "Those tablets didn't stop me farting at all, but now they smell absolutely disgusting". "Good", said the doctor, "We've sorted out your sinusitis - now we can work on your deafness".

One girl I knew some years ago, had been educated at a convent boarding school and one of the things that (she claimed) they used to do in the dormitory at night was to fart into the top of an empty drinks can and then put a match to it to see how far it would skate down the polished wooden floor. They also used to steal altar candles from the nun's chapel and sculpt them with penknives and hot water into amazingly real-looking likenesses of male genitalia - she showed me the one that she had made. They must have all been quite disappointed when they saw the size of a real one !


12 Jan 04 - 10:33 AM (#1091117)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin

Sure, Dave... how did they get them so lifelike if they hadn't seen one? Huh? Answer me that one? Huh? Huh?      

;)


12 Jan 04 - 11:11 AM (#1091158)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Dave Bryant

I asked her at the time - she claimed that it was from some photos that one of the other girls had !


12 Jan 04 - 12:45 PM (#1091222)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Schantieman

...and what did they do with them once they'd made them???

To return to the thread....

Kids are like farts - you can put up with your own but other people's are awful!

S


12 Jan 04 - 01:09 PM (#1091250)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Uncle_DaveO

Charley Noble:

Your uncle recorded 1601, which is available from Smithsonian?   You mean Richard Dyer-Bennet? Or someone else?

Dave Oesterreich


12 Jan 04 - 02:13 PM (#1091293)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble

Dave-

The same; good catch! My own copy of the 1601 recording drifted away around 1965; I think I lent it to Sandy Ives.

Our old friends the Pulestons of Long Island, NY, send us a vinyl copy of the Great Farting Contest in the 1950's. "It's a Treblew", the contest judge exclaimed in wonder. And I'll always remember the tragic ending to the contest when the reigning champion squats to regain the lead: "He shit! The champion is disqualified!"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


12 Jan 04 - 03:23 PM (#1091331)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble

Just ordered a new CD copy of "The Farting Contest" recently re-released(pffffttttt!) as "The Original Crepitation Contest" via laugh.com, via order.store.Yahoo.com; it cost $14.98, plus shipping. I hope it's the real thing in which the Australian Paul Boomer pursues his challenge of the Grand International Title held by defending Champion, Lord Windeshmere. It's probably a rip-off!

Charley Noble


12 Jan 04 - 03:49 PM (#1091353)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D

for those who LIKE the topic...after Xmas bargains


13 Jan 04 - 01:58 AM (#1091738)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin

That's a good deal, Bill. If I could get mine reduced by 50% maybe they let me back into Olive Garden again.


13 Jan 04 - 11:22 AM (#1091838)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: ced2

Ha ha! Picture this, crawling along mud Henslers; a 2' diameter phreatic tube in the Gaping Ghyll system with about 8" of liquid mud in the bottom. You and the rest of the lads had had a few pints the night before. You're in the middle of the group, a couple in front and a couple behind. Suddenly the bloke in front lets rip. It's been brewing all night thanks to ale and has a paricularly stomach churning quality. No where to go for you or the fart. "Saved!" he says. There's no answer.


13 Jan 04 - 11:25 AM (#1091841)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB

Here's a musical reference to farting, from Guy Logsdon's "The Whorehouse Bells Were Ringing"
and Other Songs Conwboys Sing. He collected from an old cowpoke called Riley Neal - it's called
"Jimmie Tucker" and goes to the tune of "The Old Chisolm Trail."

Oh, there was a little girl and she lived with her mother,
And never on this earth was there such another.
Come-a ti yi yupi yupi ti yi ya
Come-a ti yi yupi, yupi ya.

(2nd verse describing said female, omitted here.)

There was a little man and his name was Jimmie Tucker,
And he swore, by God, that he was gonna f**k 'er,
Come-a ti yi yupi etc.

He got her in the sh*thouse up against the wall,
(more lyrics omitted here)
Come-a ti yi yupi etc.

He took her in the kitchen and thought he'd get some more,
And the damned b*tch farted - blowed a hole through the floor.
Come-a ti yi yupi yupi ti yi ya
Come-a ti yi yupi, yupi ya.


And here's another musical reference, from the same source, called "The Sea Crab,"
with alternate titles Good Morning Mister Fisherman, The Crab Fish, The Jolly Fisherman,
Fisherman Have You Any Sea Crabs, and John Henry and the Crab.

"The story recounts a humorous series of events that occur when a man takes a sea crab home, and for want of a better place, puts it in the chamber pot. Unaware of the guest in the pot, his wife relieves herself only to be bitten by the crab. While attempting to rescue her, the husband, too, is bitten; the crab holds him in an embarrassing position."

Here are the relevant verses (relevant to this discussion of eructation, that is.)

"Oh, Sal! Oh, Sal! Can't you let a little fart?
Oh, Sal! Oh, Sal! Can't you let a little fart,
To blow my nose and your ass apart?"
Sing ho, sing ha.

Sal, oh, Sal, she tried a little bit,
Sal, oh, Sal, she tried a little bit,
She filled John's face plum full of (rhyming word which I can't bring myself to mention goes here)
Sing ho, sing ha.

"Oh, Jackie, oh Jackie, get the horse and cart,
Jackie oh Jackie, get the horse and cart,
To pull my nose and your Mammie's ass apart.
Sing ho, sing ha.

It tickled those children plum to the heart,
It tickled those children plum to the heart,
To see the horse pull and to hear Mammy fart.
Sing ho, sing ha.


14 Jan 04 - 12:13 AM (#1092414)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB

Uh oh. Maybe you all weren't ready for the songs that cowboys sing...sorry 'bout that!


14 Jan 04 - 12:20 AM (#1092420)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace

A fart will not even get near the Canadian record until there's nothin' left but the elastic band.


14 Jan 04 - 12:23 AM (#1092422)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin

some verses from "Kathusalem":

...
Hi Ho Kathusalem
Harlot of Jerusalem
Prostitute of ill repute
Daughter of the Baba

He laid her down upon the grass
Lifted her dress above her ass
He grabbed his prick and made a pass
Directly at Kathusalem

Hi Ho...

But she was low and underslung
He missed her twat and hit her bung
Planting the seeds of many a sone
In the asshole of Kathusalem

Hi Ho...

Kathusalem, she knew her art
She arched her back and blew a fart
And blew the bastard all apart
All over old Jerusalem

Hi Ho...

And when the moon is bright and red
A tattered form sails overhead
And rains down curses on the bed
Of the Harlot of Jerusalem

Hi Ho...




Just so you're not alone, SueB.


14 Jan 04 - 12:39 AM (#1092428)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB

Bless you, Cluin. I was beginning to think I had dropped an unacceptable stinker.

What I find amusing about those songs are the lighthearted refrains.

Hi ho.


14 Jan 04 - 12:46 AM (#1092434)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Lonesome EJ

The following excerpt from a Mudcat fiction piece :

"Well, it was one time when RL decided he'd give up the roadhouse life and be a farmer. He had him a worthless ol Coondog name Tad. That ol dog could fart and clear a room in three seconds flat. He used to say 'Git, Tad!' when he'd hear Tad rip one and Tad'd leave the kitchen. It got to where RL didn't have to tell him anymore, and Tad would just cut one and leave on his own. Pretty soon, anytime Tad got up to leave, everybody else would make a run for it at the same time." Jessie began laughing, tears falling down his cheeks. "One time ol Tad was nosin around in some blackberry bushes and RL hears him rip one, and pretty soon this skunk comes runnin out." Jessie shook with laughter. "RL always said that was one hell of a fartin' dog could flush a skunk out of a blackberry bush."


14 Jan 04 - 01:06 AM (#1092443)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace

SueB and not SueB, you ARE a pair. Good songs.


14 Jan 04 - 08:50 AM (#1092624)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble

You may have missed this new Mudcat collaborative ballad inspired by a recent news story entitled "Methane Sinks Ships":

Words by Charlie Ipcar, Norris Dale and Mudcat Guest "Unwitting Muse", 2003

Tune: traditional "White Cockade"

THE BLOW AT WITCH'S HOLE


As we set out one evening, upon the Northern Sea,
Headed out a-fishing for to earn our daily fee;
Headed out to fish, me lads, we set our course so bold,
When our ship was (when our ship was),
When our ship was (when our ship was),
Overwhelmed, dragged down the Witch's Hole!

Our charts were fully up-to-date, so thought our Captain Brock,
Avoiding every hazard, every shoal and rock,
Yes, every shoal and rock, me lads, upon the Northern Sea;
And we cours-ed (and we cours-ed),
And we cours-ed (and we cours-ed,
By the Witch's Hole, that lay athwart our lee.

No rogue wave swept o'er us, no squid nor octopus,
No giant whirlpool sucked us down, we had no time to fuss;
There was no time to fuss, me lads, as we sank beneath the waves,
But we all stood (yes, we all stood),
But we all stood (yes, we all stood),
Resolutely, so valiant and so brave.

A silent threat but deadly, that methane from the Hole,
Rising from the gassy depths, amidst the dark and cold,
Amidst the dark and cold, me lads, like some monster from the deep;
And it dragged us (yes, it dragged us),
And it dragged us (yes, it dragged us),
To the Witch's Hole, forever there to sleep.

"It's suffocate or evacuate!" we heard our captain cry,
As he pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his tearing eyes;
As he pulled out a handkerchief, and held it to his nose,
"We will never (no, we'll never),
We will never (no, we'll never),
Rise again from our odorous repose."

This was no bathtub bubble or some silly fish's farce,
But a blast of great proportion from the earth's own mighty arse,
From the earth's own mighty arse, me lads, the methane did arise;
And the water, (yes, the water),
And the water, (yes, the water),
Lost its density, and thus proved our demise.

I was the sole survivor, me messmates drowned that day,
The Coast Guard came a-racing up and snatched me from the wave,
They snatched me from the wave, me lads, and saved me sorry skin,
And I surely (yes, I surely),
And I surely (yes, I surely),
Would have drowned if I hadn't broken wind!

I'm sure you'll agree that this ballad needs to be released to a wider audience.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


14 Jan 04 - 09:33 AM (#1092640)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Catherine Jayne

My brother used to light his farts...this was all well and good until, much to my amusement, he set fire to his trousers!!! oh it was funny!!!


14 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM (#1092826)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Michael

My Gran, a saintly old lady we always thought when we were young, taught us the '--in Church or chapel let it rattle' one (see above) and: A fart's a fart and not a crime, it gives the bowels ease, it warms the bed in winter time and suffocates the fleas.'


14 Jan 04 - 05:44 PM (#1092833)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin

She must've been a hit at the bake sales, Mike.    ;)


14 Jan 04 - 06:20 PM (#1092855)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: wysiwyg

Dunno if y'all have this one already (just dropping in for a mo'!), but I think this fella prolly has us all beat:

LE PETOMANE (THE FARTISTE)

~S~


14 Jan 04 - 07:31 PM (#1092930)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble

Just received my CD of "The Original Crepitation Contest" in the mail. It is an amazing recording! But really a bare bones package, no notes to speak of. I'd forgotten that Paul Boomer, the challenger, was an Australian. And even after hearing it after a lapse of 40 years, it's brilliance still...resonates.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


14 Jan 04 - 10:36 PM (#1093032)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin

Alternative terms for farts:

chuff
quack
pass gas
shit your pants
let one go
drop one
cut one
cut the cheese
salute the queen
float an air biscuit
released Lord Flatus from the Cave of the Winds
call your MP


15 Jan 04 - 02:37 AM (#1093120)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: SueB

Also,

pooy
toot
and
lay an egg


15 Jan 04 - 08:10 AM (#1093248)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Sttaw Legend

"shit a brick"


15 Jan 04 - 08:31 AM (#1093259)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Charley Noble

"Break wind"
"Rip one"


15 Jan 04 - 09:47 AM (#1093315)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: wysiwyg

Poot (ladies)

~S~


15 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM (#1093470)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Cluin

for a loud powerful one: touch cloth


16 Jan 04 - 06:10 AM (#1093974)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Boab D

Hullo again well this has to be the best one ever well in my opinion it was so I will tell you.
On a lovely romantic holiday in Vienna with the new girlfriend who had never farted in front of me ever. So I decided that we should do the touristy thing and she wanted to also so we went to the museum of modern art. No problem went straight to the top and worked our way down. Now I'm not knocking modern art but at the top it was wierd and the further you decended the worse it became. Anyway get to the bottom level and it was the most, well ,vile I suppose is the only word for it of guys pishing into beakers on video and spitting blood all over each other just wierd well anyway there was the girlfriend and I laughing at the absurdity of this trying to keep it in obviously as we dont want to offend the curators or the other tourists when we turned a corner and this guy was having a shit (on film) pulling his cheeks apart well she just started laughing and a wee well quite a big fart came out and everyone in the gallery looked at us and this poor lassie was dying of embarassment and laughter for obvious reasons. One of those ones where you had to be there but if you are ever feeling blue of really sad for about €10 go to the museum of modern atr in Vienna and start at the top and work your way down. The pleasure I get from just thinking about it is amazing.

Dylan


03 Sep 04 - 07:07 AM (#1263295)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,jimebc@earthlink.net

I am trying to locate the song, The Day Daddy Let the Big One at the Mississippi Missionary Baptist Church. Can anyone help me?


03 Sep 04 - 08:27 AM (#1263331)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49

Here ya' go Dude.......

http://www.luke179.com/funstuff/bigone1.wav

Spaw


03 Oct 04 - 03:59 AM (#1287261)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Guest Bottyburp

Regarding affectionate nicknames for farts, my mother related to me the fact that in her household - in Glasgow, between WWI and WWII - a resonance of farts was described as:
"A Bugle Call from Tolie land, that the Khaki Boys are coming!"

Perhaps the Trumpet voluntary should be re-named Trump'l'ole.


03 Oct 04 - 08:18 AM (#1287330)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver

Have you ever considered the range of "wind breakings"
A Fluff......Silent but deadly.
A puff.......only just audible
A pip........audible but very short duration.
A trump......the average passing of wind.
A pump.......a forced passing of wind.
A fart.......one that all can hear.
A ripper.....long lasting, sounds like tearing material(can be mistaken for trouser seams splitting)....(IF YOU'RE LUCKY)
A blaster....speaks for itself.
There is also the "Duck fart" which comes out in phases as you walk along or as you come downstairs.
Any more for any more????
Best wishes.


03 Oct 04 - 09:10 AM (#1287353)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: el_punkoid_nouveau

Oh well - it's a year since the dog died, and I still blame him ('cos he can't answer back!).

My beloved tells the tale of our first holiday together - supposed to be her honeymoon. Apparently, I let rip int he middle of the night to such effect that I lifted myself off the bed!

epn


03 Oct 04 - 10:47 AM (#1287398)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver

Wonder if that's where the idea for a jet engine came from...can't ask Whittle now I suppose can we?
Best wishes.


03 Oct 04 - 06:20 PM (#1287662)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Joe_F

Donnel was probably thinking of Franklin's "Brussels Letter". I have it on disk, but it will take a little editing before I can post it.


03 Oct 04 - 08:42 PM (#1287774)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Shanghaiceltic

My sone came up with the expression 'Scuse me I just trod on a duck'

In China guffing is not considered a problem. Indeed I was once give a presentation and demonstration on some calibration equipment just after lunch. Three male engineers and a lady engineer were present.

Just as I was about to get to a quite technical bit the lady engineer literally lifted a leg and let rip. I tried not to be thrown off the subject in hand. She repeated the action a few more times, all with a dead pan expression on her face. Was this a comment on my presentation skills I have always wondered?


04 Oct 04 - 12:14 AM (#1287962)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: The Fooles Troupe

Maybe she was just a frustrated Tuba player...


04 Oct 04 - 05:59 AM (#1288085)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver

She would be frustrated playing bum notes!
Best wishes.


04 Oct 04 - 07:42 AM (#1288139)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: The Fooles Troupe

From the Thread List...

Unwanted Accompaniment
Farting in Public


04 Oct 04 - 11:10 AM (#1288286)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: JennyO

In my family, it was referred to as an 'organ recital' - all the funnier considering that my dad was a church organist.

Jenny


04 Oct 04 - 11:25 AM (#1288295)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Georgiansilver

So he was the one who was always farting in Church!!! LOL
Best wishes.


05 Oct 04 - 02:21 AM (#1288851)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Arne Langsetmo

We used to have a rudimentary (I use that word advisedly) classification system...

Wouldn't that be "alimentary system", my dear Watson.

WRT the French: "Le Petomaine" derives from "peterade" -sp? - ...

I've heard that "being hoist on one's own petard" may refer to such type 'explosions' (although the alternative definition of "petard" as a small explosive device or a torpedo also seems to work; it seems that the "petard" military definitions is likely derived from 'small explosions' ... the "petere"). See this. I prefer the alimentary visual of someone being "hoist on his own petard" myself....

Cheers,


12 Jan 05 - 01:40 PM (#1377490)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,leisurebeing

i always have horrible gas at school. as much as i might try to hold it in, it always comes out. how embarassing it is!


12 Jan 05 - 02:15 PM (#1377519)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak

Try to eat less roughage in the evening... it brews in the gut over night and will release during the day. Eat the roughage for breakfast or lunch and it should be about ready by bedtime, just right to warm the bed.

LTS


12 Jan 05 - 03:29 PM (#1377590)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: RichM

Go ahead, fart away! If you are really talented, you can fart at least part of a major scale...


12 Jan 05 - 06:54 PM (#1377723)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Alaska Mike

I knew a fellow once who could fart "Yankee Doodle" as he went up the stairs. Unfortunately, the fingerings were such that he had to wash his hands after each performance.


12 Jan 05 - 08:24 PM (#1377802)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: The Fooles Troupe

So how often did they wash the stairs?


12 Jan 05 - 09:27 PM (#1377851)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace

A really good fart don't leave nothin' but the elastic band.


13 Jan 05 - 06:53 PM (#1378562)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: JennieG

Billy Connolly reckons "it's yer arse applaudin' - you know when you clap hands together real fast and make a noise, well it's yer cheeks clappin'! They're applaudin' yer!"

Cheers
JennieG


13 Jan 05 - 08:49 PM (#1378660)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Leadfingers

Cant think of any thing that would add to this rthead


13 Jan 05 - 08:50 PM (#1378662)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Leadfingers

Except


13 Jan 05 - 08:51 PM (#1378664)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Leadfingers

Two hundred !!!


12 Jan 06 - 07:24 PM (#1647300)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=423412654049302774


12 Jan 06 - 07:30 PM (#1647301)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Peace

LOLOLOL

Love it.


12 Jan 06 - 08:15 PM (#1647342)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Bevis

Baking brownies


13 Jan 06 - 04:04 AM (#1647554)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Splott Man

There was a young fellow called Martin,
Who had an immaculate parting.
He said that the knack
Was to stand back to back
With a very large elephant far enough away to be comfortable.


13 Jan 06 - 05:07 AM (#1647581)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: David C. Carter

Here In France last year they put on a programme about a very famous Petomane.He would"perform"on stage,on his back,legs in the air while holding a match.He drew wild applaus for his efforts.I had to leave the room,followed by my son.Talk about a fart in a spacesuit.My Croatian wife tried to teach our son to count in her language.She could never get beyond the n°5,because the n°5 is "pet" which in French means fart.To him it sounded like:Un-deux_trois-quatre---fart.


13 Jan 06 - 10:23 AM (#1647816)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak

Don't ever take him to a pet shop.. he could severely injure himself laughing!

LTS


13 Jan 06 - 10:34 AM (#1647834)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: David C. Carter

Maybe this is where the word TRUMPET comes from.

David


02 May 11 - 08:09 AM (#3146374)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Nigel Parsons

Refresh:
see associated thread Here


02 May 11 - 05:19 PM (#3146697)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Michael

As my old Grannie used to say:
Let your wind go free where ere you be; in church or chapel let it rattle: A fart's fart and not a crime, it gives the bowels ease, it warms the bed in winter time and suffocates the fleas.

Mike


02 May 11 - 06:51 PM (#3146745)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Janie

Ahhh, Youth.

I remember the days when a cough might possibly conceal a fart as opposed to causing a fart.


02 May 11 - 08:17 PM (#3146790)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Joe_F

http://come-to-think.livejournal.com/?skip=40


02 May 11 - 09:03 PM (#3146804)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Janie

Now see?   if I had read that long ago, I would have given up on garlic (being a member of the onion family,) and kale much sooner.

Or even not reading it, had I but heeded the words of my father, his wisdom passed down through generations of eastern Kentucky farmers, and mayhap and perchance, handed down even longer thence from ancestors of assorted and diverse origins, his wisdom being, "put the kale through two changes of water to boil the farts out of it," I might still be happily married.


02 May 11 - 10:11 PM (#3146833)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Shanghaiceltic

During my time in Shanghai I was once giving some training to some cusotmers at the office. The done thing was to buy them lunch and carry on in the afternoon.

This I did, however the only lady in the group of 5 stood in front of the displayed equipment and then calmly lifted a leg and let rip.

She did this on several occassions and I am sure she was trying to put me off my stride...I continued manfully on.

Letting rip in public is quite normal in China.


02 May 11 - 10:14 PM (#3146834)
Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Smokey.

Letting rip in public is quite normal in China.

It's a long way to go for a trouser-cough.