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22 messages

2b or not 2b

11 Aug 01 - 04:42 PM (#525794)
Subject: 2b or not 2b
From: mytoycar

2b or not 2b that is the question, correct? but my queiry is: is it bad to still be a virgin in your late teens, even twenties. I only ask as so many people are losing it faster than they can find out what it actually is. Are virgins becoming a forgoten species as people hit the big 20. Where I live you could find the virgin population in a phone box! Are we losing it to early? and is sex education to blame for a youths phisical sex education?
on a lighter side are there or were there any tutors at your high skool, college, university what ever that you, well, would have Done?

11 Aug 01 - 04:47 PM (#525796)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Firecat

As far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with it! I think the reason that so many people around my age are losing it really early is cos sex is a taboo subject that is not to be discussed in polite company. I read somewhere that in Norway where they're really open about it, the average age for losing it is 19, whereas in Britain and places like that, it's 13! I think that says something, don't you?!

11 Aug 01 - 05:17 PM (#525812)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Rick Fielding

Kendall is still a virgin at the age of 78!

Wait a minute...has he gone to England yet? If he can't see this, there's no point insulting him.

Please insert the word "Catspaw" instead, and change the age to......63.

Prew, between the ages of 14 and 18 I would have "done" every female teacher!


11 Aug 01 - 05:30 PM (#525825)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Amos

Would have? Sure. Coulda? Not really. Not that I really tried. And losing your virg9inity at 20 is not early unless you judge it to be so by your own standards. Just make a safe occasion of it, please!! And enjoy!


11 Aug 01 - 07:53 PM (#525923)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Liz the Squeak

I suppose it averages about 16 - 18.... depends on what is available in your area. My area was sort of short on that sort of bloke.... lots of fumbling about at 14 - 16 but not until 17 did IT happen..... and then it wasn't really my choice.... but that's another story.

Make sure you really want it, and that your partner really wants it too..... and be safe.


11 Aug 01 - 08:11 PM (#525938)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b

I went to a Catholic high school - all nuns. And no I would not ahve "done" any of them.

11 Aug 01 - 09:42 PM (#525960)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: GUEST,aesop

There's no rush. When you "do it" is less important than who you "do it" with and how you both feel about it and eachother. The first time can be one of your best or worst memories. Just losing your virginity to get it over with is a bad idea. There's nothing wrong with virginity. If the time and person are right for you, just enjoy, and, yes be careful.

11 Aug 01 - 10:00 PM (#525968)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: GUEST,an older woman

People used to ask "is it all right to not be a virgin in your teens?" How times have changed! When I was 15 I thought I was the only one who wasn't a virgin. You may feel like the only virgin of your age in the neighborhood, but you're not. Either way is OK. And sex education isn't to "blame" for early sex, if early sex deserves blame. Ignorance doesn't equal innocence. Knowing what's what only helps you make more responsible decisions. Cats and dogs "do it" and they've never had a sex education class. They also have alot of kittens and puppies. As a wise older woman my advice is find someone you really like who really likes you. And use a condom. Or wait until you're older.

17 Aug 01 - 08:00 AM (#530027)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: mytoycar

Its easy for people to say wait but when you do and you think hes the one you find out he isnt who you thought at all

17 Aug 01 - 10:37 AM (#530129)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Amergin

I lost mine little over a year ago...at 25...and it was with some one I truly cared about....

17 Aug 01 - 10:56 AM (#530143)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: GeorgeH

You may be able to fit those in your area who claim to still be virgins in a phone box . . But in this area in particular there's usually a huge gulf between what people claim and what they've actually done. (The plot line of American Beauty is pretty accurate in that respect.)

As has been pointed out, various studies have shown that the more sex education is given, and the "better" its quality (e.g. it's pretty pointless pretending teenage sexuality doesn't exist) the later the onset of sexual activity, which has advantages both from the health and the emotional perspectives. The UK has an absolutely apalling record in this area; I don't know at all about the US.

However, you ask "is it bad" - no, of course not; it could never be bad to "still" be a virgin. What matters is what's right for you, in your own considered opinion. When you have intercourse it should be because you have decide it's the right thing for you and your relationship.

(OK, If I'm going to be totally accurate I can think of a case where "still" being a virgin might be construed as "bad" - but that's absolutely exceptional.)


17 Aug 01 - 12:13 PM (#530203)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Kim C

It's important that you take your clothes off with someone you trust and care about, who trusts and cares about you. And if you have to wait till you're 25 or 30, that's nobody's business.

I was 17. I was not sorry then, and I'm not sorry now. But that was my experience, and your mileage may vary.

You have to do what YOU think is right and don't worry about everyone else.

17 Aug 01 - 12:27 PM (#530216)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: M.Ted

An awful lot of young people lose their virginity though sexual abuse, and often before they reach their teens. The saddest thing is that the kids get blamed, and labelled immoral--

There is a whole machinery of denial that tells us all that today's kids are more sexually promiscuous than ever, when in reality, they are often simply being sexually exploited by adults and larger and stronger kids. It isn't a new development. In a lot of instances, the "sexually active" teens were introduced to sex through abuse at an early age, and are still being victimized, but in less obvious ways.

In more cases than you might suspect, the people who are at the other extreme--the "career virgins", are really people who avoid intimacy because of early and inappropriate sexual contact.

Having the choice, 2b or not 2b, whatever your age, is a good thing.

17 Aug 01 - 12:58 PM (#530233)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Justa Picker

17 - a disaster, and then again at
19 - good and proper

17 Aug 01 - 01:05 PM (#530240)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Marymac90

Well said, M Ted!

17 Aug 01 - 03:15 PM (#530331)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: SharonA

Prew sez: "Its easy for people to say 'wait' but when you do and you think he's the one, you find out he isn't who you thought at all ."

So when you find that out, I'm thinking, it would be easier to extricate yourself and move on to the next potential "one" if you weren't already sexually active/involved/committed with the wrong "one".

One of the characteristics of the "one" is that he won't pressure you to do something with him that you're not ready to do. If he tells you that it is (or that you are) "bad" when you want to first make sure that you're comfortable with the idea of sexual intimacy, he's a bad choice for the "one". Anyone who makes that kind of negative value judgment about you is somebody whose opinion is best ignored, and whose companionship is best avoided.

17 Aug 01 - 06:09 PM (#530431)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: DougR

It sounds to me as though you, Prew, may already have lost "it" or are close to doing so because of possible pressure, and that you are beginning to doubt that "he" is the person you thought he was. If you have any doubts ...wait. It will still be there when the time is right. It does not heal up, nor will it go away.


29 Aug 01 - 04:57 PM (#537706)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: mytoycar

I lost mine at 17 and I still am I didnt know if i luved him know I know i do but we all do things to late

29 Aug 01 - 05:46 PM (#537732)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: wysiwyg

What I think can't be anticipated is the bond this act forms, the first time or anytime, for most people. We can't pre-feel that so it makes decisons difficult.


29 Aug 01 - 08:54 PM (#537827)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: iamjohnne

As someone earlier in the thread mentioned, do it safely. and if you cant discuss doing it safley then you are not comfortable enough with this partner to do it. It is hard to say only do it if you are sure this is the right one, sometimes we dont know that until too late. Just do it safely. Also remember. you can only do it the first time once. Johnne "goin where the weather suits my clothes"

29 Aug 01 - 09:20 PM (#537839)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: Chicken Charlie

Dear Nite-- Best things said so far have been to be safe and to select a partner you trust. What needs to be emphasized more, maybe is the bonding aspect. With any sensitivity at all, you will remember the person and the event for the rest of your life. It's nice to understand clearly what you and your partner both think is involved in terms of commitment. Doing a one-nighter knowingly is one thing; doing a one-nighter that you think is the start of something is hell if the other person doesn't feel the same. Just from personal experience, my first lady has honestly not been out of my thoughts very much for the last 35 years; it's not always easy to accept separation.

Also if I infer from your second question that you are considering such a relationship, I would advise against it. This may sound odd, but as an ex-teacher & educational administrator it is not fair to the person in that role. It's like men in hospitals falling "in love" with their nurses; it's a confusion of rolls and deserves very careful thought. Even without knowing details, I would tend to say it's a bad idea, probably BECAUSE OF, not IN SPITE OF, the fact that we all fantasize about it.


31 Aug 01 - 11:46 AM (#538982)
Subject: RE: 2b or not 2b
From: mytoycar

cheers chicken charlie and no Im not thinking about shacking up with a teacher.