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BS: Smear a Llama Here

09 Jun 08 - 06:54 PM (#2361873)
Subject: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: skipy

Just for those among you that have problems with Llamas, you can talk about it here.
Skipy


09 Jun 08 - 06:59 PM (#2361878)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: jacqui.c

I've got a problem with a llama. Somehow this hussy has got it into her head that she and Kendall are soulmates and I'm not having any of that!

She sent scale models of herself and even a tee shirt with her photo on it. Well, Seamus put paid to one of the models and I think that the tee shirt is being used to clean out the oven on the rare occasions that gets done.

Hoity toity little madam! She threatened to spit in my eye if I don't leave and let her move in. I told her that she won't be able to see to spit - I have a crochet hook and I know how to use it!


09 Jun 08 - 07:04 PM (#2361885)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: open mike

i have problems with them when they spit at me...
especially if they have their mouth full of bits of hay
at the time...http://www.jaunted.com/files/3873/LlamaTeeth.jpg

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama

http://www.frolic.org/


09 Jun 08 - 07:22 PM (#2361896)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: bankley

thinly sliced on rye bread and mustard, and you have a Deli Llama


09 Jun 08 - 07:28 PM (#2361900)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Amos

Go and tell yo' mama
To call of her llama
Take him back to Chile
Way down south.

I don't think it's fittin'
For llamas to be spittin'
'Specially with hayseeds
in their mouth!

I don't need that beast here,
I don't need a priest here,
Call yo'mama, quick
As you can!

Take that furry camelid
Back to where his daddy did
ANd leave me here alone
With my man!!


(Fade out with a ragtime strum on a tenor banjo)


09 Jun 08 - 07:50 PM (#2361912)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Ed T

A wise llama never counts his teeth
Pakistani proverb


09 Jun 08 - 07:51 PM (#2361914)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Bee-dubya-ell

The one-l lama,
He's a priest.
The two-l llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
Three-l lllama.

        -- Ogden Nash


09 Jun 08 - 08:14 PM (#2361923)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Peace

"Smear a Llama Here"

OK.


09 Jun 08 - 08:20 PM (#2361925)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

I smeared a llama once and it spit right into my left shoe. Stupid llama.


09 Jun 08 - 08:22 PM (#2361927)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Peace

Reminds me of something I heard way back.

"Camels have been domesticated for 5000 years and they still don't like people. Ya suppose they know something?"


09 Jun 08 - 08:25 PM (#2361930)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Ed T

http://ceeburt.blogspot.com/2007/07/llama-fest.html


http://www.mwminillamas.com/MW%20Llamas%20Misc%20Photos%20Around%20the%20Farm.htm


09 Jun 08 - 08:35 PM (#2361936)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Peace

From one of the sites Ed linked to.

What a beautiful face it has. Lovely azure/taupe colouring to it.


09 Jun 08 - 08:41 PM (#2361946)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: artbrooks

If you hit a llama with a semi-truck, you really smear it!!


09 Jun 08 - 09:00 PM (#2361956)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Bee-dubya-ell

I really have a problem with the critter's name. It's supposed to be pronounced "yama", right? So why doesn't it just call itself a "yama"? I mean what's with the "l"s? Ditch 'em and buy a friggin' "y"! Do they get some sadistic pleasure from hearing people mispronounce their name?

Sure, I know that "ll" is pronounced like "y" in Spanish, but ya know what? The only llama I know on a first-name basis lives in Indiana and her name is "Myrtle". No damned body in Spain, llama or otherwise, is named "Myrtle"! It's an American name and she's an American llama. If she and her fellow American llamas wanna be "yamas", then they need to learn to spell like Americans!


09 Jun 08 - 09:24 PM (#2361967)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

Como se llama, Senor?


09 Jun 08 - 09:28 PM (#2361970)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Riginslinger

A Dolly Llama? Can we clone him?


09 Jun 08 - 09:40 PM (#2361976)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Bobert

I did *not* have sex with...

...oh, nevermind...


09 Jun 08 - 09:59 PM (#2361984)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

It depends upon what you mean by "llama", Bobert.


09 Jun 08 - 10:11 PM (#2361989)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Peace

It depends on what he means by sex, Rapaire.


09 Jun 08 - 10:38 PM (#2361997)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Amos

A three-el lllama is a giant conflagration.

A


09 Jun 08 - 11:03 PM (#2362005)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Riginslinger

And a four el is a lllamal!


09 Jun 08 - 11:04 PM (#2362006)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: artbrooks

With or without Night Visitors?


09 Jun 08 - 11:06 PM (#2362008)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

I get any night visitors and I'm likely to shoot 'em.


09 Jun 08 - 11:07 PM (#2362011)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Peace

The joys of a .357 !


09 Jun 08 - 11:25 PM (#2362021)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

Yep. An' a thuty-thuty an' a 12 gauge an' a .38 an' a .45 an' a 20 gauge an' a thuty-ought-six an' a 7.65mm an' a coupla swords an' a bow an' arrows an' a nightstick an' a buncha .22s. An' that ain't countin' the muzzleloaders or my wife's shootin' ahrns.


09 Jun 08 - 11:26 PM (#2362023)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Peace

Take the SOB by hand and you won't wake yer missus with the loud noise.


10 Jun 08 - 04:26 AM (#2362103)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Micca

Bee-dubya, if you think you have trouble with saying the word, think of the Welsh!!! They pronounce double ll as a sort of throat clearing noise!!so it would sorta sound like clama!!!with a lota phlegm on the c!


10 Jun 08 - 06:26 AM (#2362146)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: *Laura*

Ralph the Wonder Llama!! and 3600 Vietnamese Battery Llamas In drugs, sex and spider plant scandal!


10 Jun 08 - 06:28 AM (#2362148)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: John MacKenzie

Ram a llama, ding dong.


10 Jun 08 - 07:16 AM (#2362170)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: gnu

They do look like sheep, Giok.


10 Jun 08 - 08:04 AM (#2362188)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: kendall

Jacqui, must you air the family's dirty linen in public?
Actually, when I married Jacqui I gave up LLamas, They are too high and...well too high. :-)


10 Jun 08 - 08:09 AM (#2362192)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: John MacKenzie

Dial a Llama for Kendall.

G

"10 am: Tea & coffee on arrival with a chance to get to know your Llama*" ?


10 Jun 08 - 08:12 AM (#2362194)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: bankley

new mascot... the Obama llama.... spitting for the Dems.


10 Jun 08 - 08:12 AM (#2362197)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: John MacKenzie

The more I look at that site, the harder it is to find a single entendre!

"10:45: Head off."


G


10 Jun 08 - 08:20 AM (#2362203)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: GUEST,LTS pretending to work

I can't access those sites at work.... wonder what that indicates....

There was a team of trained llama that did the credits for one of the Monty Python films... I think that's where Ralph the Wonder Llama got his first big break.

LTS


10 Jun 08 - 09:24 AM (#2362236)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

I've never really trusted a llama. Not since that party back when I was in college anyway.

It's a long and sordid story from the days when I pursued the pleasures of the flesh, the juice of the barley, and the blood of the grape instead of the pleasures of knowledge and the delights of the mind. Since all Mudcatters are celibate ascetics and have eschewed the baser pleasures I shan't tell it here lest passions become inflamed.

But take it from me, never trust a llama with your girlfriend.


10 Jun 08 - 10:09 AM (#2362266)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Peace

THESE are the coming thing in "Wanna see what I got?" circles.


10 Jun 08 - 11:12 AM (#2362317)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: John MacKenzie

I don't want my flies trapped !
Got enough painful pictures in my mind from the 'Do you shave your sack' thread.


G


10 Jun 08 - 11:37 AM (#2362343)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Oh, never trust a llama with your girlfriend
No, never trust a llama with your girl
His equipment is much longer
Than your scrawny little donger
It'll make her scream and then make her toes curl

Yes, never trust a llama with your sweetie
No, never trust a llama with Sweet Nell
For his tongue it works much sweeter
Than your puny little peter
And it's guaranteed won't make her belly swell


10 Jun 08 - 12:38 PM (#2362394)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

Gee, Bee-Dubya, that's swell.


10 Jun 08 - 12:40 PM (#2362399)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Liz the Squeak

Sometimes I wonder about our American cousins... really I do!

LTS


10 Jun 08 - 12:45 PM (#2362402)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Paul Burke

Is the Daily Llama all he's cracked up to be though? I mean, all that reintarnation and mantra rays and all that. You can't trust a bloke that's had a previous life- he might know something about your grandmother. And what about the Dolly Llama, or the Dial-a-Llama?


10 Jun 08 - 12:51 PM (#2362407)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Micca

Giok, I think thats Charles I's schedule you published and not the llama's


10 Jun 08 - 01:01 PM (#2362416)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Les from Hull

Who put the ram in the rama llama ding dong?

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Once said, 'There is something I do know:
A woman is fine         
And a sheep is divine,         
But a llama is Numero Uno!


10 Jun 08 - 01:14 PM (#2362422)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Georgiansilver

So have i got this right?
A Rama is the mana. A sheepa is the womana and a llama is the babya........


10 Jun 08 - 01:22 PM (#2362428)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Bee-dubya-ell

Liz, that's why you UK types call us "cousins" instead of "brothers and sisters". Sometimes you need all the distance you can claim.


10 Jun 08 - 01:43 PM (#2362450)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: John MacKenzie

Would you have preferred 'subjects' BWL ?


10 Jun 08 - 02:16 PM (#2362472)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Def Shepard

for our American cousins requiring sustenance they might want to stop off at The Deli Llama


10 Jun 08 - 02:35 PM (#2362490)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: gnu

Kendall.... too high? Here ya go.


10 Jun 08 - 08:07 PM (#2362801)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Ed T

Good advice for those seriously considering acquiring a llama at the site below:

Only buy llamas for the use you intend

Hire, or find a llama person who knows llamas and have them locate the animal you desire

Llamas are a lot of fun, It may be free, but you will still have to feed it and care for it. Why own a pet you can't do anything with?

http://www.nas.com/~jnkllamas/llamainfo.htm


11 Jun 08 - 01:33 AM (#2362922)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: open mike

Weaverville, Calif. coffee shop--
http://www.mammallama.com/


11 Jun 08 - 09:06 AM (#2363143)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: the lemonade lady

did anyone already do this?

sal


11 Jun 08 - 06:06 PM (#2363721)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Def Shepard

The ieal running mate in a federal election is, of course a llama with Obama ;-)


12 Jun 08 - 07:55 AM (#2364108)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Dave the Gnome

In Peru many years ago, just outside the capital, there was a huge Llama dearlership where people came from all over to buy, sell and trade Llamas. Well, the years passed and, as with everywhere, Peru became more industrualised. The Llama trade was not what it was and the dealership had to close. The town council wondered what to do with this huge wasted area and as, in the 1950's, all things from the USA were in vogue it was convereted to a shopping mall and food court.

One of the food vendors was an exceptionaly good Chinese restuarant whos speciality was stir fried lamb with bamboo shoots. It became so popular that all the young people ate there and, due to this, the whole mall became the scene for the up and coming rock and roll singers. Eventualy people from all over the world began to arrive. The mall itself paled into insignificance and it's name was lost to the records. Many famous people visited and to make sure that they were always refering to the right mall one particular artist came up with a name so accurate that everyone knew what he was talking about.

Well, I believe the mall and food court have long since gone now but the name lingers on in song to this day. It is...

the Lima Llama rama with the lamb bamboo

I need to lie down now...

:D


12 Jun 08 - 09:26 AM (#2364165)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Rapparee

Back in the old days they also used to ring a bell when a female llama was inseminated. The bell was, of course, called "The Ram A Llama Ding Dong."


13 Jun 08 - 08:08 AM (#2364922)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: GUEST

Not knowing how to put in a link to another thread, I'll copy this post from the dwyle-flunking discussion:

'Llamas and alpacas are becoming increasingly common in East Sussex; sooner or later someone will write 'Searching for Llamas'.

There is already that telling phrase in 'The Farmer's Toast':

'And the lark is aye mourning a llama,'

Valmai (Lewes)


13 Jun 08 - 08:46 AM (#2364946)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Paul Burke

Slam in a llama, Sam! All animals!

The mall itself paled into insignificance and it's name was lost to the records.

O stone me, not so, Dave. It was called Llama Mall.


13 Jun 08 - 09:04 AM (#2364959)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Dave the Gnome

Me and my mate Mike got very drunk on Holts Regal Lager one night. Someone told us it was palindromic, which we took to mean it was very good or very strong or some such:-)

Live llama did a mall evil?


Moving off palindromes and onto agramans, we have Stanley Accrington on at our club tonight. Staying on a beer theme the anagram of Draught Guinness is Hard guts ensuing.


14 Jun 08 - 01:51 AM (#2365641)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Dave the Gnome

Sorry - shouldn't have been tonight - meant to say on Monday (16th). But I guess everyone in the world knows that Swinton club runs on a Monday?

:D


14 Jun 08 - 07:42 AM (#2365744)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Valmai Goodyear

I hope everyone also knows how good Stan is. I've never quite recovered from his performance at my fiftieth birthday bash.

Your Lima Llama joke was the sort of cruel and unnatural punishment prohibited by the Geneva Convention and may well find its way into next year's Lewes Arms pantomime.

Valmai (Lewes)


14 Jun 08 - 10:49 AM (#2365800)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: GUEST,DP sans bisuit

Stanley Accrington - Can't act, yel nor sing!

:D


14 Jun 08 - 10:51 AM (#2365803)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: GUEST,DP again

BTW - Stan dips in here occasionaly, Valmai, Doesn't post but you may be written into a mudcat song next time he is there, so watch what you say:-)


14 Jun 08 - 11:35 AM (#2365820)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Def Shepard

Llamas, morris dancing, tomatoes,confession boxes and sex- Discuss.


14 Jun 08 - 01:20 PM (#2365882)
Subject: RE: BS: Smear a Llama Here
From: Donuel

What better place to post classified information than smearing llamas...

In the world of surrveiliance a few conundrum remain such as disposable cell phones paid for in cash. Monitoring these purchases world wide is still a hole where privacy still thrives - for now.

If you own a North Star system in your automobile or a Cable TV box at home you are wide open to an invasion of privacy greater than that of warrentless wire tapping.

The North Star system has given permission to one way listening of what ever is going on in the car. In the hands of divorce lawyers or competators this is good stuff to have.

With Comcast cable boxes they have the capability to listen AND watch. The other two providers are suspect but evidence is sketchy.
With the same noise redution technology in headphones or building sir systems the sound of the TV is virtually eliminated and a clear acoustic signal can be sent back to the provider. A pin hole video camera within the IR receptor is good within 20 feet.

All that can be done with all this data is to store it just in case.
The human frailities fears and foibles make the "just in case" argument a teflon slope. We human beings are a bit like ants. We are not all that intelligent on an individual basis but collectively we can do incredible things. Even the person in charge of terrorism investigation and intelligence gathering is not that smart. They even admit to not knowing the differeince between SUnni and Shia and this distinction is uninportant.
But collectively a group of people with limitless data can do serious harm to people with broad brushes and vengeful fearful imaginations.

If you are reading this now you can be assured that your data has been stolen, sold and resold many times over. The new insurance companies that have sproung up to protect you from the people who have stolen your data are in some cases the very people who helped steal it.

In co operation with a program called DARLA, a process we will call the Mega Cookie can cross reference everything about you by you merely viewing an internet page.

What is really scary about this is that assumptions are amed every step of the way when looking at you. The assumptions are never good ones when looking for evil doers and always assume that it is you doing the viewing. Cross ferencing by computer will take unrelated hot words and assemble them as a list which would make you appear guilty of heinous things by your word choices over 10 years.

The solitary stupid ant can become your nemisis as easily as the entire intelligence of the colony. The reason will invariably be inrelated to the initial job of national security.
The harm may be as unknown to you as the entire surrveiance process.
If it hpaaens to you note that it will come in the form of D's

Delay, denial or death.



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Any rellation between this story by Don Hackman and real people or events is purely coincidental