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BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day

Wilfried Schaum 01 Sep 06 - 02:56 AM
John O'L 01 Sep 06 - 03:41 AM
Paul Burke 01 Sep 06 - 03:45 AM
Bunnahabhain 01 Sep 06 - 05:00 AM
Peace 01 Sep 06 - 08:32 AM
Gedpipes 01 Sep 06 - 09:33 AM
Wilfried Schaum 01 Sep 06 - 10:34 AM
John MacKenzie 01 Sep 06 - 12:26 PM
GUEST,Pseudolus at Work 01 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM
Rapparee 01 Sep 06 - 12:46 PM
Stilly River Sage 02 Sep 06 - 11:52 AM
Liz the Squeak 03 Sep 06 - 04:46 AM
John MacKenzie 03 Sep 06 - 05:02 AM
el_punkoid_nouveau 03 Sep 06 - 05:38 AM
Liz the Squeak 03 Sep 06 - 05:48 AM
Don(Wyziwyg)T 03 Sep 06 - 06:00 AM
GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones 03 Sep 06 - 04:16 PM
Peace 03 Sep 06 - 04:34 PM
Tootler 03 Sep 06 - 07:01 PM
Liz the Squeak 04 Sep 06 - 04:36 AM
John MacKenzie 04 Sep 06 - 04:50 AM
Liz the Squeak 04 Sep 06 - 03:27 PM
Richard Bridge 04 Sep 06 - 03:53 PM
Tootler 04 Sep 06 - 05:11 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 04 Sep 06 - 05:25 PM
Peace 04 Sep 06 - 05:27 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 04 Sep 06 - 05:29 PM
Amos 04 Sep 06 - 06:16 PM
Peace 04 Sep 06 - 06:38 PM
Peace 04 Sep 06 - 06:41 PM
Little Hawk 04 Sep 06 - 07:18 PM
Amos 04 Sep 06 - 08:29 PM
Peace 05 Sep 06 - 12:39 AM
GUEST,Veronica Rutledge 05 Sep 06 - 06:36 PM
Peace 05 Sep 06 - 07:10 PM
GUEST,Partridge 11 Sep 06 - 01:06 AM
John MacKenzie 11 Sep 06 - 03:34 AM
Rapparee 11 Sep 06 - 03:05 PM
Wilfried Schaum 12 Sep 06 - 02:58 AM
John MacKenzie 12 Sep 06 - 03:41 AM
Grab 12 Sep 06 - 07:57 AM
Rapparee 12 Sep 06 - 08:55 AM
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Subject: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 02:56 AM

Fed up with all these spam mails about losing pounds? My solution:














Invite me to any British port (Hull preferred)


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: John O'L
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 03:41 AM

OK, go to Hull.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Paul Burke
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 03:45 AM

Buy 10 pints of bitter at the Barley Mow- that will lose you £23.00.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 05:00 AM

Serious bad taste alert!

How to lose more than 20 pounds in a day?




























Morris dancing in a Mine field.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Peace
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 08:32 AM

"Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day"

Cut off yer head? If you don't want to do that yourself, Hezbollah would be happy to help . . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Gedpipes
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 09:33 AM

just send the 20 quid to me - I'm a bit broke at the moment


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 10:34 AM

No, no, people - the idea is that YOU lose the pounds (Sterling!) and I get the free binge!


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 12:26 PM

You could get really pissed in Hull and call a mini-cab to take you back to your hotel/hostel/abode, and in time honoured tradition you could be sick in the back of the said mini-cab.
Contact Sir j0hn9 for the phone number of a good cab firm!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: GUEST,Pseudolus at Work
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM

I lost 120 pounds in one day but who the hell wants to hear about my divorce????? HAHA

Frank


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 12:46 PM

I lost a whole lot more than 20 pounds when I was in England.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Sep 06 - 11:52 AM

I think I found it. I've been trying to lose it again myself, to no avial. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 04:46 AM

Did you look behind the sofa? Or under the piano??

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 05:02 AM

Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: el_punkoid_nouveau
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 05:38 AM

Easy - take my daughter shopping.

epn


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 05:48 AM

Or just take my daughter!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 06:00 AM

SLIMMERS, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR LIMITED INTRODUCTORY OFFER!

GET YOUR PRICE REDUCED COPY OF DOCTOR FIDDLER'S "SCAM DIET" TODAY!

Just send S.A.E. together with your personal cheque to the value of £21 to Dr. A Twistin-Fiddler, 73, Bindun Avenue, Herts UR1 4BS.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 04:16 PM

Ha! Easily done. Any encounter with my young niece Veronica usually results in parting with at least that much.

"Uncle Winston, I simply must have a new pair of shoes/gloves/new hat/new dress/bracelet/car to complement my new whatever-the-hell-it-was that Uncle Winston paid for yesterday! All my *old* shoes are just horrid!" etc...etc...etc...

Another very good way: Take my wife Penelope for a drive downtown. Poof! A Hundred and Fifty quid gone in a flash.

They obviously think I'm made of money.

* WW-J


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Peace
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 04:34 PM

Lots of fiber in the diet is another way . . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Tootler
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 07:01 PM

My daughter once offered to put my wallet on a diet as it needed to lose a few pounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 04:36 AM

Limpit has mine on starvation rations then!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 04:50 AM

You spoil that child!
G


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 03:27 PM

I have to... she's the one who'll be choosing my nursing home when I've finally metamorphosed into Lady Constance de Coverlet.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 03:53 PM

Oh, Lady Constance, is that you? I haven't seen you for ages!


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Tootler
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 05:11 PM

And mine is still putting my wallet on a diet. She just got back from her Honeymoon recently and I got the phone call "Dad ..."

I leave you to imagine the rest.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 05:25 PM

Very well then, Winston. If you see fit to air this sort of utter rubbish on a public forum and embarass our family, then I must counter by pointing out that the amount of money you spend on hard liquor and carousing with your aimless and totally worthless so-called "friends"...(Ha! They're nothing but a bunch of wastrels and pathetic hangers-on who enjoy drinking up our collective inheritance and murdering defenceless wild animals in their spare time.)...yes, Winston, darling, that amount of money squandered by you on your idiotic pursuits would no doubt be sufficient to end poverty in some small country somewhere.

And that would be a much better way to spend it, in my opinion.

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Peace
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 05:27 PM

Winston spent his money on whores and booze. The rest he wasted.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 05:29 PM

Ha! Ha! How very droll, Mr Peace...

You might be closer to the truth than you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 06:16 PM

My dear Ms. Rutledge:

I am delighted that you have discovered at least some small corner of the rich and variegated humor behind the quiet facade of our own Mister Peace. I recommend his depths to your immediate attention, in the complete confidence that should you venture there to explore, you will be delighted, thrilled, titillated, elevated, entertained, liberated, exalted, electrified, and thoroughly irked by the many wonderful aspects of love, humor and wisdom to be uncovered therein. I urge you to take a leisurely sabbatical to a remote corner of the Canadian hinterland, to taste the delights which await you there within the many mystifying, intriguing and delightful inner folds of his being, and to do so immediately, while the precious window of opportunity is open to you.

Pack some warm clothes, and plenty of wherewithal, and you will thank me, I assure you.

Warmest regards,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Peace
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 06:38 PM

With all due respect to my good friend Amos, I live a solitary life and that's the way it will remain. I once cohabitated with an ill-tempered bi#ch of a mountain lion, snarling and hissing all the time, and she never did get used to me. I doubt you and I would have any luck, either. Besides, I would never understand you when you speak:

"Very well then, Winston. If you see fit to air this sort of utter rubbish on a public forum and embarass our family, then I must counter by pointing out that the amount of money you spend on hard liquor and carousing with your aimless and totally worthless so-called "friends"...(Ha! They're nothing but a bunch of wastrels and pathetic hangers-on who enjoy drinking up our collective inheritance and murdering defenceless wild animals in their spare time.)...yes, Winston, darling, that amount of money squandered by you on your idiotic pursuits would no doubt be sufficient to end poverty in some small country somewhere."

Just call him an arsehole and be done with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Peace
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 06:41 PM

Penelope,

The guy you really want is Little Hawk. He is erudite, intelligent, kind. He doesn't walk around the house scratchin' his nuts or his arse. He doesn't wipe his nose on his sleeve or his hands on his jeans. Seeing the way you talk, he's the guy for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 07:18 PM

Thanks for the recommendation, Peace. I'm willing to consider it if Penelope is. I'll even put aside my quest for Winona Ryder. I really like the way Penelople talks, and I admire her independent and forthright. She's a strong woman. I like that. Alas, she is encumbered by that arrogant, dipsomaniac fool of an aristocrat she married in a moment of very ill-considered haste, so I can see obstacles in the path that may not be easy to remove.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 08:29 PM

I will only approve such a liaison if ten percent of the funds provided by the Winston Rutledge consortium in Penelope's mad dash for feminine equality are set aside to start the "Send Hesperis to College" reserve fund.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Peace
Date: 05 Sep 06 - 12:39 AM

I have NO doubt that Little Hawk would willingly offer 50% of the soon-to-be-departed Winston Rutledge fund to find Penelpoe a good _____________. (Insert word of your choosing, but be NICE.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: GUEST,Veronica Rutledge
Date: 05 Sep 06 - 06:36 PM

Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston have had a simply DREADFUL fight! They often do that, and then they make up afterward and everything is ducky for awhile, but this time I think they might not be making up for some time. Uncle Winston has left for his hunting cabin, and Aunt Penelope says she is going to change the locks!

Dear me! This means I may not get to go to Spain next week, as was planned! If so, I shall be extremely put out, and I intend to make everyone's life simply miserable about it.

Furthermore, my Zebra-striped Porsche is on the blink. It makes a horrible sound and then stalls. Damn! It's going to be one of those months. I can just feel it in the air. Everything is all rainy and gloomy outside and I HATE this place! I want to go south NOW! Nobody every listens to me! I shall find ways to make them listen, mark my words!

TTFN! Veronica


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Peace
Date: 05 Sep 06 - 07:10 PM

Oh, Veronica, we will listen to you. Pour forth your angst that those of us who worship the shoes you walk on may embrace the agonies you experience and squeeze them from your sweat glands. Fu#k! I'm gettin' the hang of this sh#t.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: GUEST,Partridge
Date: 11 Sep 06 - 01:06 AM

Whitby this year - lost loads of pounds, but gained lots of beer and good friends
Pat x


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Sep 06 - 03:34 AM

Well Veronica, from Peace's post, all you need to do to keep him happy is send him a pair of your shoes. Funny old fetishest that he is, he appears to worship whatever ones you walk in.
Don't send him the Jimmy Choo's, he make mis-read your intent, and head for Chatanooga.
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Sep 06 - 03:05 PM

Fetishest?? Peace is the most fetish of anybody? I've known fetishists (I shan't explain how or where or when or why or who or what, as some things are best kept confidential), but to know the pinnacle, the ultimate of fetishism -- wow! That's somethin'!


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 02:58 AM

Still nobody took my hint to lose some pounds by inviting me for a binge - alas.


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 03:41 AM

Come to Portaferry in February Wlfried, that'll make you lose a few pounds!
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Grab
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 07:57 AM

He doesn't walk around the house scratchin' his nuts or his arse

Nah, he subcontracts that to Chongo...


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Subject: RE: BS: Get rid of more than 20 pounds in 1 day
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Sep 06 - 08:55 AM

Wilfred, you come visit Pocatello and I'll treat you to a binge.


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Mudcat time: 20 October 2:32 AM EDT

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