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Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival

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Peter Kasin 17 Jul 06 - 04:31 AM
Mr Happy 17 Jul 06 - 05:36 AM
Dave Hanson 17 Jul 06 - 08:02 AM
The Barden of England 17 Jul 06 - 08:33 AM
Mr Happy 17 Jul 06 - 09:31 AM
Mr Happy 17 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM
GUEST,cardboard cutout 17 Jul 06 - 12:42 PM
Georgiansilver 17 Jul 06 - 01:14 PM
Mr Happy 17 Jul 06 - 05:29 PM
Mr Happy 18 Jul 06 - 09:57 AM
Geoff the Duck 18 Jul 06 - 11:13 AM
Georgiansilver 18 Jul 06 - 04:08 PM
Peter Kasin 19 Jul 06 - 02:20 AM
The Barden of England 19 Jul 06 - 05:19 AM
GUEST,old git 19 Jul 06 - 05:47 AM
GUEST 19 Jul 06 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,towel 19 Jul 06 - 12:28 PM
Georgiansilver 19 Jul 06 - 03:11 PM
Elmer Fudd 19 Jul 06 - 03:18 PM
Mr Happy 19 Jul 06 - 08:14 PM
Georgiansilver 20 Jul 06 - 03:06 AM
GUEST,old git 20 Jul 06 - 05:43 AM
Mr Happy 20 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM
Peter Kasin 21 Jul 06 - 12:54 AM
GUEST,Mingulay at work 21 Jul 06 - 08:30 AM
Georgiansilver 21 Jul 06 - 09:03 AM
GUEST,Mingulay at work 21 Jul 06 - 09:22 AM
Georgiansilver 21 Jul 06 - 11:22 AM
GUEST,Mingulay at work 21 Jul 06 - 11:38 AM
The Villan 21 Jul 06 - 12:40 PM
Georgiansilver 21 Jul 06 - 06:56 PM
leeneia 21 Jul 06 - 11:16 PM
Peter Kasin 22 Jul 06 - 12:01 AM
Georgiansilver 22 Jul 06 - 04:46 AM
The Villan 22 Jul 06 - 05:09 AM
GUEST,old git 22 Jul 06 - 05:53 AM
The Villan 22 Jul 06 - 06:01 AM
GUEST,old git 22 Jul 06 - 06:04 AM
Peter Kasin 22 Jul 06 - 10:11 AM
GUEST,Mingulay (somewhere) 22 Jul 06 - 12:01 PM
The Villan 22 Jul 06 - 12:08 PM
Georgiansilver 22 Jul 06 - 02:31 PM
GUEST,old git 23 Jul 06 - 04:59 AM
Geordie-Peorgie 23 Jul 06 - 01:38 PM
The Villan 23 Jul 06 - 01:55 PM
Elmer Fudd 23 Jul 06 - 03:08 PM
Peter Kasin 23 Jul 06 - 08:11 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jul 06 - 08:58 PM
Little Hawk 23 Jul 06 - 11:53 PM
Georgiansilver 24 Jul 06 - 02:16 AM
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Subject: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 04:31 AM

Who's going?

The 1st annual Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival will be held in the old barn at Avon on Calling, the second weekend of December. With such an astonishing lineup of performers, this promises to be one of the finest festivals anywhere. Booked so far are:

LA DERRIERE SOURIANT
High energy kick-ass music from Quebec

THE BOTTLEFIELD BAND
Sideways with Scotland's Pissed

THE INCREDIBLE STRING CHEESE
reunion of this sixties icon band

THE ROYAL PAYNES
The Duke of NumbChester Nigel Payne's family band. Exciting bagpipes, accordion, didgeridoo and hurdy-gurdy.

NATE RUSBY
"Nate" assures us the operation hasn't affected the voice

THE BRACKISH FAMILY
Dublin's famed siblings

GRAVLAX
Loose quartet of regular singers from Norway's Uff Da Folk Club

THE MISKAYT SHIKERS, with guest NIBEKH PUPIK, clarinet
Old-world Klezmer music from Iceland

THE HARLOW GLOBETROTTERS

SHONA LIGHT

THE CHEFTAINS
Irish music and great food

Workshops:
Sea Songs of Tibet and Hungary

Children's Concert of favorite Murder Ballads

Flood relief benefit Concert, with THE HIGH LEVEL RANTERS, THE WATERSONS

Evening hootenanny at the Owl and Goat Pub

Camping available: contact Yosemite National Park. No camping at this festival, though.


Did I miss any performers? Feel free to list any acts I left out.

Chanteyranger


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 05:36 AM

On-site food from Cor! & Most Cholesterol Catering Co.

MENU:

Lard Burgers £2.50

Bacon Butties with extra grease. £2.00

Bacon & egg binlid drizzled with vintage saturated fats. £3.50

Sausage batch drenched with greasy stewed onions. £2.00

Minty lamb greaseburgers with extra polos. £3.50

Cone of oily Chips with extra hard bits you can't eat. Only £1.99

Extra portions of Suet. 99p

Garnish & dips include:

Tomato with added chemicals & sugar plus loads of salt.

Mustard containing carcinogenic dyes.

Brown sauce with added chemicals & sugar plus loads of salt.


Beverages:

Tea. 90p

Coffee. £1.20

Hot drinks served in flimsy plastic cups, guaranteed to burn your fingers, and flexible enough to spill most of it as you push your way through the crowd.


Cans. With piles of 'E's, sugar, preservatives, & additional aspartame. Only 99p.


CMCCC welcome singers & musicians to have late nite sessions in their tent, especially unaccompanied drunken bawling lengthy dirges at the tops of their voices.

Audiences must make lots of noise while people are performing.

Customers must buy lots of 'food' & drop bits over musicians on way back.

Alcohol-fuelled staggering about is also encouraged, likewise inane shouting.

Vomiting should only be undertaken in the designated area.

The volume of sound should be enough to awaken the whole campsite & entice more punters to partake of our intriguing services!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 08:02 AM

Undrikable beer, served warm, short measured in a plastic beaker, oh I forgot Sam Smiths do this already.

eric


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Barden of England
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 08:33 AM

'Cheese Nose' will be serving a new vegetarian menu made from free range, organic vegans. All will be served on a bed of Rocket (fuel), Titanic Iceberg Lettuce, Green onions, Booker T, Horsefly raddish and a generous helping of dew drenched cooch grass. Several herbal teas will be on offer such as calomine, turpentine and of course the ever popular tea tree tea.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 09:31 AM

Indoor camping will be available on a 1st come, last served basis, and will be facilitated in the local odd fellows hall.

The hall is only a stonefs throw from the main site, across the river.

The nearest bridge is a mere 15 miles away, but a ferryman will be on hand to assist swimmers.

Indoor camping rules:

Rubber hammers will be supplied to assist campers to bang their pegs into handy holes.

All holes must be filled after the tents have been taken down.

Showers provided on an ad hoc basis.

Local odd fellows will stand by in the ladies.

Smoking:

Local odd fellows will strictly enforce the smoking rules, as it is only permitted inside and outside the premises.

Disabled access to the upstairs dormitories & wheelchair toilets can be gained via the grain hoist to the rear of the main building.

Stewards will be happy to operate the block & tackle winch at a small fee of only 99p per person per trip.

For those needing special help at night, several buckets will be placed at strategic intervals around the stairways.

There is a local shop adjacent to the hall but it is only for local people.

Barbecues:

These can be accommodated, but please bring your own bricks, as the premises is listed.

Evidence of its listing can be seen from the Acro-props holding up the main wall of the east wing.

Water supply:

Some stirrup pumps are provided for anyone needing water.

Just go down to the river & help yourself!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 10:07 AM

Festival fringe programme:

Ethno- roots music session every morning 5am- 7.30am in the stables, led by Rustic Roy & the Oddfellows.

Celtic thrash featuring Domhail Nfhmhahohum ag Padraig OfFulohimself.

Workshops:

Cooking for Omnivores.

How to weave dollies in interesting & novel positions.

Make your own kazoo.

101 things a child can do with a toilet roll.

Learn Morris Dancing the Blitherscrum way, includes how to procure & carve your own stave!

Alcohol workshop: How to drink sensibly every day & night!



Scottish country dancing:

reels, sword dance, & Highland Fling [please bring own wellies]



Other attractions:

Have a ride on the authentic mediaeval ducking stool!

Guided tour of the local landmarks. [Local people only]

Guides also available for other extra mural activities.

Traditional crafts, including banana embalming, bras rubbing [a favourite of the oddfellows!], banjo & bodrhan skinning [Stanley knives provided] ,


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,cardboard cutout
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 12:42 PM

Presumably there will be the usual singalong turnip roast, as it appears to be organised by the same people as do brampton-folk-festival (the real one not the pretend one in Cumbria)
Can't do blue clicky things, but have a look at :-
www.brampton-bugle.co.uk/brampton-folk-festival


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 01:14 PM

This is actually the second Blitherscum FF but obviously no-one wishes to remember the first.
Two children drowned whilst partaking in the trout tickling workshop.
Three men had heart attacks from over indulgence with the high cholestrol food. One of the wives died of shock.
The marquee burnt down due to the 'Smoking' rule (ie everyone had to smoke in the marquee).
Several people had their rear ends bitten by the sewer rats which hid round the bends of the temporary toilets and only came out for a nibble.
Many people were injured whilst others were checking to see if the main hall really was only a stones throw away.
Such was the demand for bodhrans that several were stolen..(another theory was that they were destroyed when the marquee burnt down..but how they got there from the other side of the river in time for the fire is anyones guess)
Two people are still suffering from epizootic lymphangitis after stroking the cows which were wandering in the indoor camping site.
Five others also have the disease after bathing in the cows milk.
There were other things which marred last years festival but I can't remember them all can I?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 17 Jul 06 - 05:29 PM

Other guests invited to appear:

Donovan Zimmerman & Bob Leitch.

60fs superstars with hits such as eCatch a coldf,
eBlowinf in the draughtf, & e Hey Mr. Dylan wonft you plagiarise a song for mef

Acclaimed Local singer songwriter Wailon Glum.

Unusual guitar technique, using spherical picks and woollen strings.

Sundown sword dancers. Perform only after dusk. Infra red goggles can be hired.

The Blitherscrum Mountain Boys: hillbilly music & abseiling.

The Blues Brother: Dan Ackroydfs one man show!!

Morris Sides:

Cape Wrath Itinerants.

Cherry Blossom Rapper [Black face]

Cotswold Cobblers: Mixed borderline.

Manchester United Mummers: 5 a side traditional plays.

Merrie Olde Englishmen: travelling drinking club for elderly alcoholics. They always guarantee a staggering display!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 09:57 AM

The free festival bus will take seasoned ticket holders to & from venues.

The journey to the village takes about 5 ½ hours.

The bus stop near the camping field is situated next to the swill bins and skips.

The bus leaves at regular intervals at random times of the day.

The stops include:

1.        Ye Olde Oddfellows Arms: sessions & sinarounds.

2.        The New Oddfellows Arms: open mike – pump up the volume!!


3.        Oddfellow's Wine Bar: serious English music only, no singing or smiling.

4.        Oddfella's Pizza Parlour: Dine while being serenaded by authentic learners of Italian as a 2nd language, practicing their arias; using the Linguaphone Method.

5.        Blitherscrum Community Centre: Craft Fair & Coracle making workshop- a must do!

6.        Blitherscrum Sports Centre: Ceilidhs, morning, noon, & night.

Featuring the Len Miller Hot Three & Blitherscrum Jazzmen.

7.        The Odd Triangle Irish Bar: Celtic session- belt out diddley diddleys as fast & loud as possible!

8.        Blitherscrum Legless Ex-Servicemen's Club: plain song with the Hellback Chorus.

9.        Blitherscrum British Legion: Dreary Song Folk Club – get yourself put down for a spot!

10.        Blitherscrum Curry Mile: Indians, Chinese, Balti's galore!

The bus will terminate at stop No. 10 at approximately 3 a.m.

Festival goers are free to make their own way back to the main site.

Taxi's: none in immediate area, but you can order one from Oddcabs, a mere hour's walk away in picturesque Nether Blitherscrum.

Alternatively, environmentally fiendly transport can be hired from Wing Chang Loo's Rent-a-Rickshaw & Bicycle Ltd. Competitive rates guaranteed!
For those in a hurry, WC Loo's also hires out Pedalo's for that rapid river crossing!
Persons wishing to hire these must bring a vehicle & boat trailer.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 11:13 AM

Ticket holders must remember that if they wish to be seasoned, they must attend the early arrivals workshop at the Salton Pepper Mill on Shaker Street.

Those wishing to us Wing Chang's loo must buy the extra armband. These are only availably with a medical certificate stating that the extra arm is a permanent addition and not just a prosthesis.

Quack!
GtD.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Jul 06 - 04:08 PM

This years event may be attended by BOB DYLON(don't forget to add the salt).....a colourful character whose songs may be blowing in the wind and may go down like a rollin' stone.
Let me assure you that this really is the Folk event of the year......not sure which year but........Whoever comes to this event is assured of a great time whether they be a Catholic, a hindu, an atheist, a jain, a buddhist or a Baptist or a Jew and who knows he shouldn't kill but he knows he always will, killin' for me my friend and me for you....oops got carried away there.
Anyway...down by the Sally Gardens there are many young girls with little snow white feet who are pretty clever. There are many men who given half the chance will steal away your thyme. There is also Suzanne who will take your hand and lead you to the river....she wears rags and feathers that come from Salvation Army counters.
There is a lass whose eyes shine like diamonds and they call her the queen of the land...and her hair hangs over her shoulders, tied up with a black velvet band.
Just remembered from last year...'It was Willie what got drownded in the deep blue sea'
So have I helped you make the decision to come this year???


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 02:20 AM

Thank you all for posting details about the food, fringe, etc. I just got word that some more performers have been snookered...uh...booked into fest:

ROOKER SNEAD AND HIS CHARTREUSE POODLES OF INFAMY
Great novelty act from Antartica

RACHEL WINTERSET AND THE UNTHANKED

SIMON AND GARBUT
Mr. Nicol and Vin have teamed up


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Barden of England
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 05:19 AM

LAST NIGHTS CURRY will be making an unscheduled appearance with their big hit 'I woke up with a burning ring of fire' along with a support (or is that truss) from SHOW OF GLANDS who will sing a chorus of 'Colombus didn't find Africa!'


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 05:47 AM

Doyley Part-Time has offered to turn up and give a rendition of her famous Impotence song "Long time have I been waiting for the coming of my love"


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 11:01 AM


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,towel
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 12:28 PM

I met the founder of the Blitherscrum Folk Festival once, an old Cornish dog with who played squeeze with a lot of mustard.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 03:11 PM

If you require PA equipment then please contact Carrie & Oakey who are always willing to oblige...as well as providing PA equipment.
Folding chairs are available but at your own risk as two people lost fingers and one man....well...he lost his.....shall we say thumb last year when they prematurely folded after use.
Homosexuals can put umbrellas up but not open them.
There is no colour prejudice at Blitherscrum...you may use whatever coloured instrument you wish. Health and safety is a priority and that is why you are advised not to attend this year unless you have to.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 03:18 PM

Roots music with family members Ginger, Beet, and Roto, following a seminar on the seeds of ethnomusicology in ethnobotany.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 19 Jul 06 - 08:14 PM

Children's Entertainers: Ages 0 - 10

Jim's Blackboard Hot Air Balloon:

See your kids off on a trip in Jim's airship; you'll likely never see 'em again!

A must for all mums & dads – peace at last!!

1st Blitherscum Scouts: Knots & Ropework- will keep the little ones tied up for hours!

Professor Moonshine's Medicine Show: let your youngsters learn how to mix that extra special cocktail, then drink it. Keep them quiet all day! [and night-or for whole duration of the festival- if you're lucky!]

Face Painting & Cross Dressing with Natalie & Fifi.


Dr.Fu Manchu's Oriental Circus:

Kids can learn to juggle unicycles & do tightrope walking over the Blitherscum gorge on the famous River Avon.



Porta Potty Maintenance with Wing Chang Loo.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 03:06 AM

I thought this years Potty maintenance was being done by
Twoloos Lautrec!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 05:43 AM

re my last post
had a message from GUEST Animal Lover ... it should of course have read "the coming of my deer"


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Mr Happy
Date: 20 Jul 06 - 11:21 AM

Sunday services for religious maniacs.

Our Lady of the Holy Moly Sikh Temple.

Veggie burgers on sale really cheap!



Tabernacle of the Trembling Brethren of Latter Day Sinners. .

Join them for evensong in traditional hymns such as eImaginef & ePlastic Jesusf & afterwards Bible Study with refreshments including Irish coffee & brandy snaps.



Interdenominational Friendship Service

At St. Abrahamfs Buddhist Baptist Mosque. .


Led by Rabbi Burns & featuring the Avon on Calling Ladies Male Voice Choir.

Pastor Finbar OfLevy will later lead the whole congregation down to the river to pray & study all about the good old way.

St. Patrickfs Presbyterian Synagogue

Saturday night live!

With the Joystrings!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 12:54 AM

As news of this new and exiting...er...exciting festival spreads, some legendary folk icons have signed on:

PEAT MOSSER, one of the original Alcatraz Singers, and later of The Wheatthins, world-reknowned for his work on behalf of pollution, still singing and playing his patented 5-string oboe.

VELVEETTA
Soulful, heartfelt, sincere songs, with a powerful voice, a tremendous stage presence, and an unostentatious, unfettered, superfluous, unmitigated multi-rendered, many-textured circumferensive emulsiontive centrifically emonizingly unsaturated pelsifier.

LOO KILTMEN
Leading light from Gatemouth-On-Pittsburgh, leading a workshop on "Songs from the Ship's Head"


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 08:30 AM

LATE NEWS!!!!!!!

Sunday afternoon's GERBIL SMOKING FOR BEGINNERS will be cancelled unless non-smoking gerbils can be found of a legal age.

BONECRUSHER'S tent can now be found in Block C, Row 4. Can someone please ask him to retreive it as it is covering the latrine pit.

PARKANRIDE TO BIGGLESWADE, the story in song of Bedfordshire mud sculpting, will now take place in Sheepfondle Gardens. If wet, it will adjourn to the vicarage tool shed.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 09:03 AM

For those of you coming via Wales. When you pass through the villages and you see a sheep tethered to the village name sign....please do not worry, you are passing the village leisure centre.
Accompanying the gerbil smoking will be a gerbil swallowing workshop led by the one and only Freddie Starr.
Plese make sure you keep a vigilant eye for the 'Blitherscum' sign when you are getting near your destination. It is rumoured that some have ended up in 'Brigadoon' instead and never returned.
If you are still deciding whether or not to come, let me help you decide....Don't be put off by any of the positive comments in this thread! Don't worry about meeting your girlfriends husband there as he is not going. Don't worry about the high cholestrol food if you are a vegetarian....we have our own delicacy which consists of carrots, turnips, parsnips and celery...delicious eh? all deep fried in dripping and served with any meat of your choice.
Also although all the camper van tyres were slashed during the night last year, we do not expect a repeat this year as the hospital is next door to the campsite and the hospital have guard dogs 'operating'


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 09:22 AM

FURTHER TRAVEL UPDATE. For those travelling by whales please use the outside berths nearest the harbour entrance.


CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS

For new, remoulded and part-worn tyres
why not visit David Unlop Limited of
45/46 Cringing Way, Neerdowell Ind. Est,
Phone Blitherscrum 7


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:22 AM

I have to say I have had much fun on this thread. Great thanks to Chanteyranger for starting it off. Questionable as to whether it should have been BS rather than music but some cracking (or cracked) musicians appearing eh? Keep it going folks...it really is fun and tests your inventiveness.
Best wishes, Mike.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay at work
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:38 AM

EVEN HOTTER NEWS

Well known folk person EDWARD IAN PEWTER to make special guest appearance declaring the Festival open at 3.00pm on Thursday the Umpteenth and welcoming delegates to the 193rd Annual Convention of the 1812 Society which is being held in the MARVIN CATTY Junior School bicycle shed.

It is hoped that Marvin himself will be able to accompany the opening speech on his ukelele. Although, as he himself says "tuning this thing's a bugger".


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Villan
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 12:40 PM

Last minute news

Whan King is coming

R Soul is bringing his bum band as usual



Recommended on the food menu

Tam Pon when in season covered in a delicate sauce with vinegar but no chips

Pea & Carrot Sick Soup is freshly made from previous nights collections and sieved to ensure cigarette butts and other excrement are excluded.

Unfortunately Spotted Dick will not be served, as the antibiotics worked and is now FFI.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 06:56 PM

That's supposed to be Juan King Les, who I might add seems to be around at a lot of festivals..


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: leeneia
Date: 21 Jul 06 - 11:16 PM

Oh, how I wish I could be there! Love the acts!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:01 AM

Leeneia, I'm flying in to the festival on American Express next day delivery. What time should I pick you up?

Chanteyranger


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 04:46 AM

Understand there have been problems with the transport. The bus has broken down and is not repairable so the onus for providing transport has fallen on the yokels...sorry locals. Peter Piper who grows and picks pecks of pickled pepper will be bringing his herd of Llamas to which he will fit temporary saddles. Donkeys from Hee Hore Grange Donkey Sanctuary have some old donkeys which are still capable of carrying guests. Farmer Ara bull(a man outstanding in his field) has a tractor and trailor but says he will have to charge at least £5 per person for the 1 mile trip as diesel fuel has risen in price. To avail yourself of the transport, please wait on the bus stops in the normal manner.
There has been a recent reported sighting of a black panther on the outskirts of Blitherscrum and it is suggested that you bring a stick with a horses head handle to poke it if it comes near you.
You may notice that The Old Barn at Avon on calling will have had a coat of paint just before your arrival at the event. The sign 'WET PAINT' is a warning not an instruction to the gentlemen who come. This brings me to a serious complaint that was made last year about a beautifully voluptuous female on the campsite who was apparently taking her clothes off outside the tent. To the women who complained:- you will get nowhere with your complaints, much like last year, as the men do not find this kind of behaviour offensive...and if you have trouble keeping your husband/partner on a leash, that's your problem not ours. It is however requested that the men who accompanied the taking off of her clothes, with kazoo music, should desist this year as it disturbs the children who are trying to sleep.
Women shouting at husbands/partners also has that effect.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Villan
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 05:09 AM

A new pole dancing competition will be introduced this year.

There will be a workshop so that everybody can see how its done first. This is open to men and women, although it is aimed at the younger age group of 16 to 25.

There will also be a "Semen Tent" where men can donate there sperm so that folk clones can be developed. There will be a wooden wall in the tent called the "Tooley Wall", where one can select the best suited sperm hole to make ones deposit. for those that cannot find a suitable hole, there will be assistants available called hand jobbers.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 05:53 AM

the Pole dancing competition has had to be cancelled
Jan Woysckx could not get the necessary visa


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Villan
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 06:01 AM

Boooo


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 06:04 AM

late edition to the bill
That infamous shanty group THE FARTING ROARIES will give a performance of Blow the man down...with special effects.

The maritime session will also be graced by THE KEEL-OVERS who will sing about rum sodomy and the lash (we would like to point out that this is NOT an interactive workshop)


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 10:11 AM

Great to see that The Keel-Overs will be there. Danny McLout, George Armytank, Peter Chunderwood, "Stout"Jim McGuinness, and Asahi Fitzsnippets are favorites of mine. Thanks for the news, old git.

When did you get wind of the Roaries arrival? It's good to see them get a break.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,Mingulay (somewhere)
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:01 PM

News from abroad - the well know antipodean group led by Dick and Sid Staines will be appearing at the singarounds held in the Badgers Bottom Bar (Lower Muck).

Yes. it's the first time here for the DOWN UNDER STAINES. Songs, dances and didgeridoo fingering par excellence.

Melbourne Star - The Dingo's Bollocks, a must see.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Villan
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 12:08 PM

Is Betty Swollocks on the pongo drums?


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Jul 06 - 02:31 PM

Betty Swollocks is coming from Upper Ramsbottom I hear. Wind instrument I understand for Betty.
I have heard that the 'Schitzophrenics' are playing a spot this year if he can get to the venue.
Last year I was asked to give a talk on sex to the adult attenders in the Under Milkwood Barn. When I got there, the MC said they were running late and could I make my talk as short as possible? I agreed and when the time came, I stood up and said.."Ladies and Gentlemen, It gives me great pleasure" and sat down again. Really went down well.
This years festival co-incides with the scarecrow festival again and I would suggest you don't stand still too long unless you want all and sundry taking photos of you.
It is now getting close to the Festival so I must wish you all the best of luck.   So 'Best of luck to you all'


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: GUEST,old git
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 04:59 AM

There was to be a talk from Cecil Sharp Pencil but unfortunately he is no longer with us....apparently he met with a violent death when gathering nuts in May


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Geordie-Peorgie
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 01:38 PM

Is there any chance that the craft Fair will have those Geordie 'folk jewellers "The High Level Ratners"


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: The Villan
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 01:55 PM

Excellent workshop coming up.

Learn to play the Spatula

Oakley and the Humber Whelks will be running this workshop


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Elmer Fudd
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 03:08 PM

Great news! The twins, Sassafras and Grass, will be added to the Roots Music ensemble.

And don't forget about the square dancing in the town square, the line dancing at the county line, tap dancing in the pub (next to the taps), and Morris dancing on top of that obnoxious orange cat.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 08:11 PM

Next to last day there'll be an afternoon tea concert with Nic Scones, McCormick Lipton, and a special appearance by Steeleye Spam.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 08:58 PM

Wow. This is an event not to be missed by anyone who is a folk aficionado or who has failed their last breathylizer test. How fondly I recall the last few times I attended Blitherscrum, not to mention the time I participated in the closing singalong of "Dead Skink in the Middle of the Road/Achy Breaky Heart" medley. It was unforgettable.

No, wait...

That was the Blind River country-rockabilly-folk festival in '92.

Well, I'm sure Blitherscrum will still be great anyway. Be there or be coherent!


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Jul 06 - 11:53 PM

One often sees dead skinks in that neck of the woods. They like sunning themselves on the blacktop in the morning and...VOOMP!...another innocent skink run over by an 18-wheeler. It's a sad business. They don't stink the ways skunks do, so people tend not to notice. That's why the song was written, so that people WILL take notice. It's a protest song.


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Subject: RE: Blitherscrum Folk Music Festival
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 24 Jul 06 - 02:16 AM

I would like to help with directions for getting to the festival, which is now very imminent, but much as I loved geography at school.. my geographical knowledge is not great as I could never find the classroom!. Perhaps someone with great geographical knowledge (National Geographic Mag or similar) can produce a map of the area. All I can tell you is...if you are approcahing from the North, you may be best to head South, or from the East, to head West and vice versa. Blitherscrum is a small village so please if you are speeding, don't blink or you may miss it, or worse still, hit one of the festival scarecrows which just happens in the way. If you plan on joining in the last night of the Blitherscrum Folk proms with comb and tissue, please bring your own (harder, crisper) tissue as we only have the type that your fingers go through at inopportune times. Please do not put the harder type tissues down the toilets as it gets stuck and its not just a flash in the pan when it does..it drives the organisers round the bend.
Campers need not bring their own water supplies this year as there is now a tap on site and all water has been passed by the management team.
Enjoy the festival Folks.


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