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Bawdy Limericks [1]

Related threads:
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Joe_F 09 May 13 - 10:25 PM
GUEST,Jebas 09 May 13 - 04:10 PM
Gda Music 05 Jan 13 - 06:11 PM
Allen in Oz 05 Jan 13 - 04:25 PM
GUEST 05 Jan 13 - 09:04 AM
Joe_F 23 Oct 12 - 03:59 PM
GUEST,Leonard 23 Oct 12 - 07:21 AM
GUEST,Leonard 23 Oct 12 - 07:17 AM
GUEST,Chris 25 Jun 12 - 08:47 AM
BanjoRay 23 Aug 11 - 09:22 AM
Joe_F 22 Aug 11 - 08:36 PM
MGM·Lion 22 Aug 11 - 12:07 AM
dick greenhaus 21 Aug 11 - 10:03 PM
Midchuck 21 Aug 11 - 08:47 PM
GUEST,Thomas Xavier O'Toole 21 Aug 11 - 08:25 PM
Bentley 03 May 11 - 05:03 PM
josepp 03 May 11 - 02:30 PM
GUEST 02 May 11 - 05:10 PM
Joe_F 28 Jan 11 - 08:33 PM
GUEST,EnkiduP 28 Jan 11 - 05:26 PM
GUEST,dan the man 07 Dec 10 - 11:00 PM
kendall 07 Dec 10 - 07:52 AM
Dave Hanson 07 Dec 10 - 03:08 AM
MGM·Lion 06 Dec 10 - 05:36 PM
Joe_F 06 Dec 10 - 05:13 PM
MGM·Lion 06 Dec 10 - 07:52 AM
Dave Hanson 06 Dec 10 - 07:15 AM
MGM·Lion 06 Dec 10 - 04:53 AM
Dave Hanson 06 Dec 10 - 04:16 AM
SRD 05 Dec 10 - 04:59 PM
GUEST,Anil Srivastava 05 Dec 10 - 12:26 PM
GUEST,Mike A 26 Jun 10 - 06:42 PM
GUEST 26 Jun 10 - 06:09 PM
GUEST,Luke 20 May 10 - 01:34 PM
Dave Hanson 20 Apr 10 - 03:02 AM
Joe_F 19 Apr 10 - 08:15 PM
Dave Hanson 19 Apr 10 - 03:24 AM
Joe_F 18 Apr 10 - 09:03 PM
Dave Hanson 18 Apr 10 - 04:47 AM
Joe_F 17 Apr 10 - 06:32 PM
Dave Hanson 17 Apr 10 - 02:04 AM
GUEST,GODFATHER 16 Apr 10 - 07:00 PM
Midchuck 22 Mar 10 - 08:19 PM
Joe_F 22 Mar 10 - 04:23 PM
Bryn Pugh 22 Mar 10 - 10:27 AM
Dave Hanson 22 Mar 10 - 01:51 AM
Greg B 21 Mar 10 - 09:27 PM
Greg B 21 Mar 10 - 09:26 PM
GUEST,angrycow 21 Mar 10 - 11:26 AM
Sandy Mc Lean 13 Mar 10 - 07:36 PM
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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 May 13 - 10:25 PM

There was once a young lady of Harrison,
Who longed for the love of a Saracen,
    But she had to confine her
    Intent to a Shriner,
Who suffers, I fear, by comparison.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: GUEST,Jebas
Date: 09 May 13 - 04:10 PM

There was once a man named Dave
That kept a dead whore in a cave
She lasted a week
Then she started to reek
But look at the money he saved


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: Gda Music
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 06:11 PM

There was a young man from The Clyde
Who fell down a toilet and died
And he had a brother who fell down an other
And now they`re interered side by side

GJ


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: Allen in Oz
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 04:25 PM

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
And the cube of its weight
Times his penis plus eight
Is his phone number..give him a call !


There was a young girl from Darjeeling
Who danced with plenty of feeling
Not a voice, not a word
Not a sound could be heard
But the fly buttons hitting the ceiling

A Pansy who lived in Khartoum took a Lesbian up to his room
And they argued a lot
About who would do what
And just with what , and to whom


AD


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Jan 13 - 09:04 AM

There was an old poet from Crewe
Whose limericks stopped at line two.

(and that's all folks...
Chrs Muriel)


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: Joe_F
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 03:59 PM

A young lady who lived near the Bosporus
Was seduced by a red-eyed rhinoceros.
    Said she, with a shriek,
    "His horn is unique
And leaves mere men merely preposterous."


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: GUEST,Leonard
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 07:21 AM

At the Tabard, said Harry, one day,
In a friendly and jocular way,
We're in no hurry to reach Canterbury,
So let's have some tales on the way . . .

The halls of your balls
Have some very strange walls,
As Sertoli found out,
None too soon,
So if one should ask,
The distance is vas,
When you go from 'tocyte
To 'tozoon . . .


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: GUEST,Leonard
Date: 23 Oct 12 - 07:17 AM

A horny old trout, name of Blue,
Went to his girl friend to woo . . .
She egged in the silt,
He squirted his milt,
Then asked, was it good for you, too ? ?


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: GUEST,Chris
Date: 25 Jun 12 - 08:47 AM

The wife of a sprinter named Rinde
suggested an act much maligned:
I'll back up to your dong
and you'll see before long
that you've managed to come from behind!


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: BanjoRay
Date: 23 Aug 11 - 09:22 AM

There was a young lady called Alice
Who shat in the Vatican palace
It wasn't the need
That promped the deed
But sheer bloody Protestant malice

and by a friend of mine:

There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in a lake
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in her ear
And said you can't swim here it's private


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 08:36 PM

Dick G.: The Harrison one is by Ogden Nash. He also wrote

There once was a belle of old Natchez,
Whose garments were always in patches.
    When comment arose
    On the state of her clothes,
She drawled, "Where Ah itches, Ah scratches."


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 22 Aug 11 - 12:07 AM

On the breasts of a barmaid from Sale
Were tattooed the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the use of the blind
Was the same information in braille


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 10:03 PM

And one of the few non-bawdy (but good)ones

A vaporish lady from Harrison
Once pined for the love of a Saracen
But she had to confine her
Intent to a Shriner
Who suffered, I fear, by comparison


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: Midchuck
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 08:47 PM

A gay Irish priest in New Delhi
Had the Lord's Prayer tattooed on his belly.
By the time that a Brahmin
Got down to the "Amen,"
He'd blown both salvation and Kelly.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks [1]
From: GUEST,Thomas Xavier O'Toole
Date: 21 Aug 11 - 08:25 PM

A carpenter named Paddy Ridge
Buggered natives right under the bridge
They hollered "Oh Paddy,
For sure you're my Daddy!"
And later wound up in his fridge.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Bentley
Date: 03 May 11 - 05:03 PM

Now that Osama is dead
Obama let it go his head
Whilst addressing the nation
He gave a quotation
But it was the menu he read.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: josepp
Date: 03 May 11 - 02:30 PM

Learned this one in nuclear power school:

There once was nukey named Slim
Who took his rod out for a shim
But his fluorescent sperm
Made ladies squirm
So no nooky for the nukey named Slim


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 11 - 05:10 PM

There once was a man named Muldoon
Whose farts could be heard on the moon
when you'd least expect'em
they'd roll out his rectum
like a southeasterly typhoon.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Joe_F
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 08:33 PM

There was once a young fellow named Rand
Who sat seeing the sights in the sand.
    "My problem," said he,
    Is as hard as can be,
But I think I can take it in hand."


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST,EnkiduP
Date: 28 Jan 11 - 05:26 PM

There was a youn girl from St. Kitts,
Who told her boy friend "Don't tickle my tits,
You can tickle my crutch,
I like thate very much, but elsewhere just gives me the shits!"


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST,dan the man
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 11:00 PM

There once was a lady from Starkey
She had an affair with a darky
The results of her sins where quadruplets
not twins
one light on dark and two kacky.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: kendall
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 07:52 AM

Ok, I've resisted long enough

A mathematician named Hall had a hexihydronical ball;
The cube of its weight, plus his pecker, times eight
Was four fifths of five eights of fuck all.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 07 Dec 10 - 03:08 AM

Maybe the Dons have buggered them all.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 05:36 PM

Well then, you were unlucky, Joe. It is a river college, and swans are frequent there beneath its two bridges. I still live near Cambridge and am frequently around there.

~Michael~


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Joe_F
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 05:13 PM

What's more, I visited St John's, as a tourist, ca. 1959, and saw no sign of any swans.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:52 AM

Really, now, Dave? And Baring-Gould a Cambridge man at that! Well, well: just shows you can never trust anybody!


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 07:15 AM

It's straight from W S Baring-Gould's ' The Lure Of The Limerick ' so it's his fault.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 04:53 AM

Dave: Cambridge colleges, like [St] John's, have 'porters', who are based in the gate-lodge and regularly patrol the college grounds. They are not 'hall porters', who belong in hotels. That line would better read "Along came the porter", I think.

~M~


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 06 Dec 10 - 04:16 AM

There was a young student of Johns,
Who determined to bugger the swans,
But the loyal hall porter,
Said, Sir take my daughter,
The swans is reserved for the Dons.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: SRD
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 04:59 PM

Thanks to Blossom for:

There was a young man from Coombe-Martin,
Who had an immaculate partin',
He said that the knack,
Was to stand back to back,
With an elephant just as it's close enough to be effective but not too close for comfort ...


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST,Anil Srivastava
Date: 05 Dec 10 - 12:26 PM

There was this sweet, innocent, young Croat,
God blessed her with a tight and juicy twat;
Which her boyfriend tried to enter,
But failed, though he bent her,
He now prefers diddling the cat.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST,Mike A
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 06:42 PM

There was a young lady of Ealing
Whose lover before her was kneeling.
She said "Dearest Jim, take your hand off my quim -
I much prefer fucking to feeling."


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Jun 10 - 06:09 PM

There was an old man of Nantucket
Who kept horse manure in a bucket
On the roof of his shed,
And when it fell on his head,
It is said he exclaimed "Oh dearie me!"

There was a young lad of Devizes
Whose balls were of two different sizes.
The ball that was small was of no use at all
But the big one won quite a few prizes.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST,Luke
Date: 20 May 10 - 01:34 PM

Twisted morals, who he?!
He's a model Christian, you see,
Sunday's for praying,
With a Whore He's never laying,
He just occasionally drinks his own wee.

Luke


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 20 Apr 10 - 03:02 AM

There once was a young girl called Jeannie,
Whose dad was a terrible meanie,
He fashioned a latch,
And a hatch for her snatch,
She could only be had by Houdini.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 08:15 PM

There once was a Bey of Algiers
Who said to his harem, "My dears,
    Though you may think it odd o' me,
    I'm giving up sodomy.
Tonight's for you ladies!" (_Loud cheers._)


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 19 Apr 10 - 03:24 AM

There was a young student called Johns,
Who wanted to bugger the swans,
But the loyal hall porter,
Said ' sir take my daughter '
The swans is reserved for the Dons.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Joe_F
Date: 18 Apr 10 - 09:03 PM

A young lady who lived in Connecticut
Once flagged down a train with her petticoat,
    Which her husband opined
    Showed presence of mind,
But deplorable absence of etiquette.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 18 Apr 10 - 04:47 AM

While Titian was mixing rose madder,
His model reclined on a ladder,
The position to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he jumped on the ladder and 'ad her.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Joe_F
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 06:32 PM

To his girl said the sharp-eyed detective:
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
    Has your west tit the least bit
    The best of your east tit,
Or is it a fault of perspective?"


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 17 Apr 10 - 02:04 AM

A bobby from Nottingham Junction,
Whose organ had long ceased to function.
Decieved his good wife,
For the rest of her life,
With the aid of his constable's truncheon.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST,GODFATHER
Date: 16 Apr 10 - 07:00 PM

A DAGO NAMED TONY BALDINI
WAS HUNG WITH THE TINIEST WEENIE
HIS DICK WAS SO SMALL
IT WAS SCARCE THERE AT ALL
BUT HIS 13 INCH TONGUE WAS A MEANIE


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Midchuck
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 08:19 PM

The young British mage, Harry Potter
Though brilliant, was sort of a rotter
And especially fond
Of using his wand
To impregnate some muggle's poor daughter.

Peter


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Joe_F
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 04:23 PM

There was once a young lady named Alice,
Who frightfully misused a chalice,
    But it is my belief
    It was done for relief,
And not from sectarian malice.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 10:27 AM

A certain young lady called Alice
Used to think of her c*nt as a chalice.
One night, in the nude
She awoke, feeling lewd
And there in her chalice - a phallus.


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 01:51 AM

There was a young man called Jack Bosham,
Who took out his balls for to wash 'em,
His mother said Jack !
If you don't put 'em back,
I'll tread on the buggers and squash 'em.

Dave H


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Greg B
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:27 PM

There once was a couple named Kelly
What were forced to lie belly to belly
Because in their haste
They got library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Greg B
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 09:26 PM

There once was a girl from Darjeeling
Who pasted her tits to the ceiling
With a terrible sound
She crashed to the ground
But now I hear they are healing


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: GUEST,angrycow
Date: 21 Mar 10 - 11:26 AM

there once was a man from madras
whose balls were made out of brass
in stormy weather
they clanged together
and sparks came out of his arse

~cheers


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Subject: RE: Bawdy Limericks
From: Sandy Mc Lean
Date: 13 Mar 10 - 07:36 PM

I think that I have already posted this on another thread but my favourite is:

There was a young lady from Thrace
Who's corset grew too tight to lace
Says her mother to Nellie
There's more in your belly
Than ever went in through your face


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