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Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs

Singing Salmon 30 Nov 04 - 06:41 AM
GUEST,Mingulay 30 Nov 04 - 06:59 AM
freda underhill 30 Nov 04 - 06:59 AM
Flash Company 30 Nov 04 - 07:16 AM
Crystal 30 Nov 04 - 07:20 AM
Splott Man 30 Nov 04 - 07:36 AM
GUEST,Elfcall 30 Nov 04 - 08:13 AM
GUEST,Carol 30 Nov 04 - 08:31 AM
mandotim 30 Nov 04 - 09:05 AM
late 'n short 2 30 Nov 04 - 12:05 PM
GUEST 30 Nov 04 - 12:18 PM
Nigel Parsons 30 Nov 04 - 12:34 PM
PennyBlack 30 Nov 04 - 12:49 PM
PennyBlack 30 Nov 04 - 12:52 PM
Leadfingers 30 Nov 04 - 12:54 PM
Stilly River Sage 30 Nov 04 - 12:57 PM
PoppaGator 30 Nov 04 - 12:59 PM
Juan P-B 30 Nov 04 - 01:01 PM
PennyBlack 30 Nov 04 - 01:04 PM
GUEST,Art Thieme 30 Nov 04 - 01:30 PM
GUEST,Toenails John 30 Nov 04 - 01:38 PM
Little Robyn 30 Nov 04 - 01:46 PM
Bob Bolton 30 Nov 04 - 10:04 PM
LadyJean 30 Nov 04 - 11:09 PM
dick greenhaus 01 Dec 04 - 12:05 AM
GUEST,Art Thieme 01 Dec 04 - 12:31 AM
Bob Bolton 01 Dec 04 - 02:32 AM
Snuffy 01 Dec 04 - 08:34 AM
Cluin 01 Dec 04 - 09:12 AM
Splott Man 01 Dec 04 - 11:20 AM
Arkie 01 Dec 04 - 03:10 PM
Tattie Bogle 01 Dec 04 - 03:14 PM
GUEST,Smokey 01 Dec 04 - 03:53 PM
Kaleea 01 Dec 04 - 09:35 PM
GUEST,Stephen 01 Dec 04 - 10:27 PM
Ron Davies 02 Dec 04 - 06:54 AM
Ron Davies 02 Dec 04 - 09:19 AM
JWB 02 Dec 04 - 12:40 PM
PoppaGator 03 Dec 04 - 05:57 PM
Joe_F 03 Dec 04 - 09:36 PM
LadyJean 04 Dec 04 - 01:42 AM
Songbird 04 Dec 04 - 01:31 PM
Gaucho 05 Dec 04 - 04:40 AM
PennyBlack 05 Dec 04 - 12:27 PM
Terry Allan Hall 05 Dec 04 - 04:07 PM
JJ 06 Dec 04 - 09:32 AM
Mark Ross 06 Dec 04 - 10:41 AM
Compton 06 Dec 04 - 11:21 AM
Bob Bolton 06 Dec 04 - 06:01 PM
PennyBlack 06 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM
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Subject: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Singing Salmon
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 06:41 AM

I need to find some funny christmas songs to sing! they have to be easy to learn, and preferably to a well known tune as i am running out of time, Nothing to vulgar as i am a sweet and innocent wee lass but needs to entertain a group of Morris Men! can you help?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Mingulay
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 06:59 AM

Sid Kipper's Arrest these Merry Gentlemen comes to mind (it's in here somewhere). Morris men and sweet and innocent wee lassies? What is the world coming to.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: freda underhill
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 06:59 AM

I havent got anything useful like songs for you, singing salmon, but welcome to Mudcat!

best wishes

freda


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Flash Company
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 07:16 AM

Sidney Carter's song 'There are no lights on our Christmas Tree' probably qualifies. Search in Digitrad under Christmas tree and you'll find it!
As freda said, welcome to the madhouse (Ooops, I mean Mudcat!0

FC


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Crystal
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 07:20 AM

Well I was going to suggest "walking round in womens underwear" But that is not a song for the innocent (although most the morris dancers I know like it!). The Drunken 12 days of Christmas is a good-un. Practically anything by Sid Kipper is good if you are looking for humour although I can't remember any specifically christmassy ones.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Splott Man
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 07:36 AM

you could always dedicate a song to

Mayor Daisby
Marion Bright
Anne Mayall
Yer Chris
Mrs B White

Think about it


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Elfcall
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 08:13 AM

Sid K has many classic Christmas songs - 'We will rob you' springs to mind as a favourite.

Elfcall


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Subject: Lyr Add: PLEASE, DADDY (DON'T GET DRUNK THIS...)
From: GUEST,Carol
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 08:31 AM

Country and Western type song!!
Please daddy don't get drunk this christmas
I don't want to see my momma cry x 2

Just last year when I was only 7
Now I'm 8 as you can plainly see
You came home at a quarter past eleven
And fell down underneath the Christmas tree
Chorus

Mamma tunrned her face towards the window
She said you'd better go upstairs my dear
Then you went and hollered Merry Christmas
And then was when I saw my momma cry
Chorus

So awful that it's funny!!!


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE RESTROOM DOOR SAID GENTLEMEN (Rivers)
From: mandotim
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 09:05 AM

Try this (from Bob Rivers);
The restroom door said gentleman so I just walked inside,
I took two steps and realized I've been taken for a ride.
I heard high voices, turned and found the place was occupied,
By two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.
What could be worse?
Than two nuns, three old ladies and a nurse.

The restroom door said gentleman it must have been a gag,
As soon as I walked in there I ran into some old hag.
She sprayed me with a can of mace and smacked me with her bag,
I could tell, this wouldn't be my day.
What can I say?
It just wasn't turning out to be my day.

The restroom door said gentleman and I'd would like to find,
The crummy little CREEP who had the nerve to switch the signs.
'Cause I got two black eyes and one high heel up my behind,
Now I can't, sit with comfort and joy.
Boy oh boy.
Now I'll never sit with comfort and joy.

I don't have to tell you the tune, do I?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: late 'n short 2
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:05 PM

Guest Carol:

Funny how the same song can bring different reactions from people. I sang John Denver's "Please Daddy..." about 20 years ago just in front of a group of friends and I thought I knew them pretty well. About the time I got to the second verse a woman in the group left the room in tears and my wife went to check on her. Seems like that's what her Christmases as a kid were really like. The original version is pretty up-tempo...and that's the way I did it...but if you slow it down it can take on a whole different meaning.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:18 PM

How about this one from the Alternative Chistmas CD "Bah Humbug"
Im the man tha slits the turkeys throat at Christmas


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:34 PM

The Goons, "I'm walking backwards for Christmas"


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Subject: Lyr Add: SAM'S CHRISTMAS (Richard Grothusen)
From: PennyBlack
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:49 PM

From our CD Christmas card..... (makes more sense in the UK!)P.B. (if you want the tune I can post a MP3 to our music host..

Sam's Christmas(Richard Grothusen,)

Sam's mother was widowed, his father was dead,
They were poor as two people could be.
One room was their home and it's floor was their bed,
They were both dressed in rags, they were seldom well fed.
As Christmas came round, and the icy winds blew,
Their plight was a pity to see.
The gas was cut off, electricity too,
Then a brainwave told Sammy what he had to do, --- he wrote.

Dear Father Christmas, I trust you're quite well,
But I'm sorry I can't say the same.
My Mummy and I haven't eaten for weeks
We've no money at all to our name.
I don't want a train set, or even a bike,
Though I'm asking for something it's true.
Just a few pounds to lighten our Christmas we'd like,
Not much, just a fiver will do.

The letter was posted and later that day,
In the hands of a sorter was grasped.
His colleagues were silent, as they heard him say,
The words of the letter that in his hands lay.
One Post Office worker then slowly commenced
To collect in a hat which was passed,
To each of his workmates, who spared no expense
In collecting the sum of Four Pounds Fifty Pence.

They sent it to Sammy, enclosing a note,
Someone signed it F. Christmas. Esquire,
It bought them a turkey, a cracker or two,
And enough coal to light a small fire.
Sam wrote back to Santa, Your letter arrived,
With the Five Pounds we're pleased as can be.
But those robbing sods at the Post Office
Opened it up, and pinched Fifty p.


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Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS IN AUSTRALIA.
From: PennyBlack
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:52 PM

or maybe?

CHRISTMAS IN AUSTRALIA.

Spoken
Forget your snow and reindeer and all that there malarky
'Cause down here Father Christmas wears a pair of shorts.... KHAKI

Chorus.
Christmas in Australia, is Christmas in paradise,
Christmas in Australia is basically, 'Bloody Nice',
Bruce goes steady with Sheila, and Sheila goes steady with Bruce,
And if you don't have a Christmas suntan, you're a 'Pommie' and you ain't no use


It's ninety in the shade at Christmas, the sun's a blazing 'phew',
So grab a tube of Foster's and a slice of cold kangaroo.
Bruce is waxing his surf board, and waxing his Shiela too,
It's a great Australian Christmas, ya-hoo.

Chorus.

It was a lovely sunny Christmas, we had a party on the beach,
Sang Australian carols, you should have heard us screech.
Our 'Silent Night' was a burst of light and the likes are heard only seldom,
Of 'Once In Royal Bruce's City', in a little town called Melbourne.

Chorus.

Bruce and Sheila disappeared round the far side of the truck,
They were gone for quite some time, we shouted, "Are you stuck?"
Then I had a bright idea, said, "I know what I'll do,
I'll play 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful' on Bruce's didgeridoo.

Chorus.

As the afternoon wore on everyone got paralytic,
A drunken brawl developed from a friendly game of cricket.
Rolph Harris turned up finally to distract us from our combat,
By painting a lovely picture of Rudolf the Red Nosed Wombat.

Chorus.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Leadfingers
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:54 PM

Tom Lehrer's Christmas Carol has been a favorite of mine for YEARS !!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:57 PM

I grew up listening to Stan Freberg's "Green Christmas" (it's a novelty song and probably would do well with the sound effects) and Stan Boreson's collection of silly christmas songs. I'll see if I can find that tape around here to give you some of the names. They're fractured versions of traditional non-religious songs, in a Norwegian accent. "I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas" and "Yingle Bells," for example. "Ragnar the Flat-nosed Reindeer," and "All I Want for Christmas is my Upper Plate." More will occur to me once I hit "Submit Message."

SRS


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: PoppaGator
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 12:59 PM

"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" was a big C&W hit some years ago, and still gets played to death every year -- in the US anyway. Over there in Britain, if it's less well-known, it might still have some novelty value.


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Subject: Lyr Add: BRUNO
From: Juan P-B
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:01 PM

This one doesn't 'scan' exactly like the original but I wrote it a coupla years ago after a few Guinnii (?) Hope it's of some use

BRUNO

Everyone's heard of Rudolph. The reindeer with the shiny nose
And Cupid and Dancer also and all the othersI suppose
But nobody's heard of Bruno! The reindeer no one talks about
His is a sad old story. I'll tell you how it came about.

One cold and icy Christmas Eve, Bruno he was placed
One place behind Rudolph and they set off at a pace.

It happened just over Margate, They were flying through the dark
When something shot right across them. Santa had to pull up sharp
With a screech of reindeer hoof-tracks like polystyrene on a dustbin lid
Bruno the brown-nosed reindeer couldn't stop as quick as Rudolph did.


Bruno the brown-nosed reindeer was a sorry sight to see
Covered in reindeer doo-dah - No one shouted out with glee
All of the other reindeers turned their noses up at such a sight
Bruno the brown-nosed reindeer covered in reindeer ………….

Poop !!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: PennyBlack
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:04 PM

Juan P-B

No mention of Olive?

the other reindeer that used to laugh and call him names...

PB


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:30 PM

Henry Lawson's poem Santa Claus In The Bush just begs to get a good tune.

How about The Cherry Tree Carol. It always seemed humorous to me. It showed Joseph as the human being he must've been.

Also: Allen Sherman's:

God rest ye Jerry Mendelbaum let nothing you dismay,
Dis May has been a rotten month, so what more can I say,
Let's hope next May is better and good things will come your way,
And you won't have a feeling of dis May---Next May!

Art Thieme


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Subject: Lyr Add: CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE JAILHOUSE
From: GUEST,Toenails John
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:38 PM

Try this one for size!
No idea of the original air to it


'Twas Christmas Day in the jailhouse, and as night slowly fell,
A prisoner sat and shivered in his lonely little cell.
He'd only the cold to remind him of the festive time of year,
As he raised a hand to brush away the memories, and a tear.

Then, through a tiny hole in the wall that he hadn't seen before,
He heard the sound of a soft "Hello," from the man in the cell next door.
"Oh, who are you? Is it really true? Can I hear a human voice?
Oh, now is the time to be happy! Now is the time to rejoice!

Though a cold stone wall divides us, we can surely offer praise!
In fellowship I greet you on this happiest of days!"
"It may be a time to be happy," said the voice, "at least, for you.
I'm due to be hanged tomorrow, which can alter your point of view.

Still, it has its compensations," the voice from nowhere said.
"I can have what I like for my very last meal - I've ordered a damn good spread.
It's turkey and chips for tea tonight, and Brussels sprouts and peas,
And cranberry sauce and gravy... I can have just what I please!

And Christmas pudding, with holly on, and a bottle of Beaujolais,
And biscuits and cheese and cocoa, and nothing at all to pay.
It's almost worthwhile being hanged, for such a splendid treat,
And I'm going to pull a cracker, before I start to eat..."

And though the two were divided by the cold stone prison wall,
For a moment the world was happy, and peace reigned over all.
"And what have you got for tea tonight?" the man who was condemned said.
"Oh, only a mug of cold water, and a little piece of bread."

"But now is the time for fellowship! It doesn't seem right to me,
That you get bread and water, and I get a slap-up tea.
So, pass me your piece of bread, my friend, and I'll tell you what I'll do -
I'll make you a turkey butty, with cranberry sauce on, too."

So, he did what the voice had told him, as people often will.
And he waited for his sandwich... He's probably waiting still.
So, don't you listen to voices that come through a hole in the wall.
Though it's not a feast, dry bread, at least, is better than bugger-all


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE POACHER'S CHRISTMAS (Kipper Family)
From: Little Robyn
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 01:46 PM

My favourite is the Poacher's Christmas, also from the Kipper Family.
On the 13th day of Christmas my dog and I got caught with
12 stags a-rutting
11 salmon smoking
10 hares receding
9 breeding rabbits (all with dirty habits)
8 stoned crows
7 pleasant pheasants
6 bootiful turkeys
5 poached eggs
4 bald coots
3 lame ducks
2 moor hens
And a partridge in an old sack!

Robyn


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 10:04 PM

G'day Art Thieme,

"Henry Lawson's poem Santa Claus In The Bush just begs to get a good tune" ...

OK ... OK ... ! After your previous remark, to the same effect, in another thread I looked through the file copies of Mulga Wire ... but couldn't find the prize-winning setting I mentioned.

If I can't track it down in publication, I'll see if I have the submitted cassette (it was years ago) filed away - and chisel the dots down on the rough stone.

(Some time ... maybe when the Antipodean weather stops trying for record high temperatures. We had the highest October [mid Spring] temperature ever recorded in Sydney, last month {38º C = ~ 100.4º F] ... and yesterday was threatened to be the highest November [last day of Spring] temperature ever recorded (42º C = ~ 108º F] ... but a cool sea breeze saved coastal Sydney - if not the inland suburbs!

Regards,

Bob (definitely no air-con ... !)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: LadyJean
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 11:09 PM

Sung:"Yingle bellski, yingle bellski yingle all the wayski"
Spoken "What are you doing?"
Spoken "I'm Russian the season."

Three kings of orient are
One of them lighted a big black cigar
It was loaded it exploded,
Two kings of orient are.

Two Kings of orient are
One of them lighted a bigh black cigar
It was loaded. It exploded.
One king of Orient are.

One king of orient are.
He lighted a big black cigar
It was loaded. It exploded.
Silent night.

I fear I do not know all the words to "Deck us all with Boston Charlie" But I'm sure several mudcatters do.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 12:05 AM

Two CDs that have been mentioned: "Bah! Humbug!" and "Arrest These Merry Gentlemen" are both funny and available at CAMSCO.
BTW, "No Lights on Our Christmas Tree" is by Cyril Tawney, not Sydney Carter. Cyril sings it on "Bah! Humbug!"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 12:31 AM

Bob,

Good to hear from you. I'd forgotten you'd mentioned the possible tune for Lawson's poem. I keep trying to picture a Paddy Melon as a little kangaroo of sorts and not a juicy cultivated plant for eating--probably at breakfast.---The image is stuck in me brain though. Cutting it in half and removing the seeds.---

I was just listening to Backblock's Musicians last week.

All the best and a grand Christmas to you and yours,

Art


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 02:32 AM

G'dat Art,

Actually, the paddy melon (the vegetative sort) is decidedly un-edible ... and dangerous. One of the great old dance musicians (button accordion) from rural Forbes, Dave Mathias, was essentially blinded as a child by the caustic juice of a (thrown ... ? by other kids ... ?) paddy melon splashed into his eyes.

Regard(les)s,

Bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Snuffy
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 08:34 AM

Gaudy Tree, translated from the Latin


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Subject: Lyr Add: BALLAD OF SCALY OTIS, THE CHRISTMAS RAT
From: Cluin
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:12 AM

This looks like a good book.

Then there's "Scaly Otis, the Christmas Rat", a poem I found on the Web several years ago, then altered it a bit and set it to music. (You can find the original version by Googling "Scaly Otis") It's been a favourite with the kids around here since then. Gave my little niece a nightmare once.

THE BALLAD OF SCALY OTIS, THE CHRISTMAS RAT
originally 1996 by David Moll, altered by Rick Deevey the same year

Christmas Eve is coming soon; a joyous time for all.
Purfle every windowpane and decorate the hall.
A time for joy and brotherhood, for woollen gloves and hat,
A time for Scaly Otis, Santa's Christmas rat.
Santa visits children sweet, to bring whate'er they please,
But Otis bites the naughty ones, and gives them a disease.
Bad children quiver in their beds, a-babbling with fear,
For they know who comes a-calling at this special time of year.

See little Becky Carpenter, with dimple in her chin.
Although her face is angel-sweet, her soul is black with sin.
In June she found a robin's nest and smashed it with a stick.
Tonight she'll learn that judgment comes and judgment comes right quick.
He'll scamper up the waterspout, his ghastly snout a-twitchin'.
He'll sneak inside and skulk around, and soon he'll find the kitchen.
He'll frolic in the garbage can until he's had his fill,
And then he'll scoot to Becky's room, his whiskers slick with swill.

Becky hears the pitter-pat of paws grotesque and wee.
Becky pulls the covers back and bravely looks to see.
He looks as though he's inside out. He smells like pesticide.
There's scores of running sores upon his loathsome scabby hide.
He scuttles like a hermit crab. There's larvae in his head.
He's bloated with the Gawd-knows-what. Some people say he's dead.
Then Scaly Otis bunches up, and leaps into the air.
Becky tries to shield herself, but he's already there.

Becky wails and thrashes 'round, her tiny feet a-drumming.
Across the hall her parents smile. They know she's had it coming.
And on that Christmas morning, there's peace within their home
As Becky lurches down the hall, her dimples flecked with foam.
They gather 'round the table for the splendid glowing feast
Though Becky won't be eating. She's not hungry in the least.
They'll raise a toast to Otis, where'er he may have gone:
"To spare the rat's to spoil the child. God bless us—every one!"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Splott Man
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 11:20 AM

Jogging Along With Me Reindeer by John Kirkpatrick.

3 Wise Women by Stanley Accrington is hilarious.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Arkie
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 03:10 PM

Merry Christmas From the Family, Robert Earl Keen's, account of a family gathering, John Williamson's "Christmas Photo", and Simani'a "Ooh Christmas Tree" are lighthearted glimpses of the holiday season and good for a few laughs. They would not be all that easy to learn. "Ooh Christmas Tree" reminds me of my own tromps through the woods to find the perfect tree, back in the days when I had a woods.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 03:14 PM

Sid Kipper's "Death or Glory Wassail" is also in the DT - OK if you know the tine to the Wassail carol


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: GUEST,Smokey
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 03:53 PM

Post Chernobyl lyrics to "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" 1999 by
Smokey Dymny:

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it you would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer looked so wasted and so lame
They seemed to be unable to join in any reindeer games

Then one day some scientists came with their fancy stuff
They looked all over Finland, and they began to tut, tut, tut

Now we know why old Rudolph had a very shiny nose
The lichen he loved eating, was poisoned by a nuclear dose.
Now all those nuclear scientists shouted loud and danced with glee
They're sure that radiation, will do a job on you and me!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Kaleea
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 09:35 PM

Uff da!


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Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHIMNEY SONG
From: GUEST,Stephen
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 10:27 PM

Another from the twisted mind of Bob Rivers, THE CHIMNEY SONG, sung to a cute tune by a little girl with an adorable voice:

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all night long.
Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night
But he never came, and it don't seem right
That there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't make a sound,
But I wish you Merry Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all week long.
Well, the dog keeps barking up the chimney flue
And we don't know what we're going to do,
'Cause there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't move around,
And it's been a week since Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all month long.
Well, it's jammed up tight above the fireplace;
Now the house smells funny, such a big disgrace
That there's something in the chimney
And it doesn't talk at all,
And it's been there since last Christmas.

There's something stuck up in the chimney
And I don't know what it is,
But it's been there all year long.
I'll been waiting up for Santa like I did last year
But my brother says he's already here,
And he's stuck up in the chimney
And he doesn't say a word,
And he'll be there every Christmas.
And we'll have him every Christmas


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Ron Davies
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 06:54 AM

Some ideas--some I think already mentioned, some not.


If you can do "Santa Baby", that's always been well received at Christmas parties my group has sung at.

If the Morris men want to join in, you could try "Sound, Sound Your Instruments of Joy."

As mentioned above, anything from "Arrest These Merry Gentlemen"

Depending on how old they are they might well enjoy:

"We 3 Beatles of Liverpool are
One in a taxi, one in a car
One on a scooter, blowing his hooter
Following Ringo Starr"

"Mrs. Fogarty's Christmas Cake" has been a huge hit.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer can be sung to any number of tunes, including "Sherburne" and "Methinks I See An Heavenly Host of Angels on the Wing"

I also have a tape of Catmas Carols (carols with bad puns on cats), if you'd like any of those texts, and another one on a cow theme, (though I can't find the second one right now).

Another one I think I got from Mudcat

ABCDEFGHIJKMN
OPQRSTUVWXYZ
No L, No L No L, No L
This is an aphabet without any L


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Ron Davies
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 09:19 AM

Actually, of course "Sound Sound" is not a funny song---but it is fun to do.



Also, among the tunes that can be sung to "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" is " Amazing Grace". So, of course, the opposite is also true.

In fact Rudolph can be sung to any song of the same meter. That can also be fun.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: JWB
Date: 02 Dec 04 - 12:40 PM

I've got a piece of sheet music at home with the song "All I Want for Christmas is a Concertina" on it. That could work for a Morris side. It's not a familiar tune, tho, so you would have to do some extra work.

Since we've heard from OZ in this thread, I'll mention Kevin "Bloody" Wilson's lovely "Hey Santa Claus, You C__t, Where's My F____ing Bike?"

Joy of the Season,

Jerry


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: PoppaGator
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 05:57 PM

Anyone interested in funny/silly/outrageous/bad Christmas recordings might be interested in two annual extravaganzas broadcast by WWOZ in New Orleans.

On Friday 12/17 (two weeks from today) Bill & Julie's Horrendous Holiday Music Party will air from 11am to 2pm US Central Standard Time. That's noon-3 Eastern, 10-1 Mountain, 9-noon Pacific, and for our friends in the Greenwich Mean Time zone, 5-8 am [sorry!]. You Aussies are on your own to figure out what time it will be there -- think it might be a different day ;^).

Missy Bowen, another of the regular DJs who has a Friday evening show (10-midnight), also teams with a friend for an annual program of bad/humorous holiday music. She is anticipating some kind of scheduling problem and is not sure what date and time they will do it this year, but it might be that same Friday 12/17. Missy's partner-in-crime on this project, "The Doctor," is also an 'OZ volunteer DJ, so it could happen in one of his time slots rather than hers. If it does air during Missy's assigned timeslot, 10pm-midnight CST translates to 4-7 pm in the British Isles -- a much more civilized hour than Bill & Julie!

I've really enjoyed these programs in past years -- lots of funny stuff, more or less in the tradition of Dr. Demento.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 03 Dec 04 - 09:36 PM

Hark! The herald angels sing,
Glory to the newborn Thing,
Who, because of radiation,
Will be cared for by the nation.

-- E. Gorey (I think)


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: LadyJean
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 01:42 AM

Rudolf the Red nosed Cowboy
Had a very shiney gun
And if you ever saw it.
You would turn around and run.
All of the other cowboys,
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolf
Join in any poker games.
Then one foggy Christmas eve,
the sherriff came to say.
Rudolf with your gun so bright.
Will you kill my wife tonight.
Then all the cowboys loved him,
and they shouted out with glee,
"Rudolf the red nosed cowboy,
You'll be hanging from a tree"

There used to be a children's show called "Ricky and Copper". Their gimmick was that a group of kids would come on the show, on their birthdays, and Ricky, the pretty lady host would have each of them sing a song and tell a joke. A little girl sang that one, and it has stayed with me all these years.
An eidetic memory is a mixed blessing.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Songbird
Date: 04 Dec 04 - 01:31 PM

To PennyBlack


any chance of getting the MP3 for Sam's Christmas?
Where would it be posted?
Thanks


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Gaucho
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 04:40 AM

refresh


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: PennyBlack
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 12:27 PM

songbird:- et al

Go here and click on the Music Link - take your pick


PB


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Subject: Lyr Add: JIM-BOB THE RED-NECK REINDEER
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 05 Dec 04 - 04:07 PM

Here's a couple of "Texas Christmas Carols" that my daughter and I came up with:

JIM-BOB THE RED-NECK REINDEER

Jim-Bob the Redneck Reindeer
Has a piss-poor attitude
Just stood around scratching his cojones
And acting in a manner rude

Jim-Bob, he liked his Lone Star
He liked to honkey-tonk from dusk 'til dawn
He liked to line-dance to the "Cotton-Eyed Joe"
Then hurl his gut on Santa's lawn

Then one dusty Christmas Eve
Rudolph came to say:
"Jim-Bob, you're just Cow-town Trash!"
So Jim-Bob knocked him on his heiney

And now all the other reindeers
Are afraid they'll get what Ridolph got!
That why Jim-Bob the Red-neck Reindeer
Is the toughest buck of Santa's lot!

Then one dusty Christmas Eve
Miss Comet was heard to say:
"Jim-Bob, if I'm a good rein-doe
Won't you please just rock my world?

And now all the other rein-does
Want what Miss Comet had
And now JIm-Bob the redneck reindeer
Is a lot of little reindeer's Dad!

*****************************************************************
Santa Claus Is Copping a 'Tude

You better get wise, you better get hip
And don't go givin' your Mama no lip
'Cause Santa Claus is coping a 'tude!

He's making a list, he's checkin' it twice
He don't give a rat's ass if you're naughty or nice
'Cause Santa Claus is coppin' a 'tude

Ol' Rudolph, he got stupid
He got up in Santa's face
Now Santa's big white freezer
Is Rudolph's final resting place

You better get wise, you better get hip
And don't go givin' your Mama no lip
'Cause Santa Claus is coping a 'tude!

He's making a list, he's checkin' it twice
He don't give a rat's ass if you're naughty or nice
'Cause Santa Claus is coppin' a 'tude

Santa's three days out of Prozak!
He's jonesin' Xanax, too!
If Santa don't his fix right quick
We'll all get sacks of "poo"

You better get wise, you better get hip
And don't go givin' your Mama no lip
'Cause Santa Claus is coping a 'tude!

He's making a list, he's checkin' it twice
He don't give a rat's ass if you're naughty or nice
'Cause Santa Claus is coppin' a 'tude

Don't try to shuck and jive him
He's hip to all your tricks!
He's got better spies than Ashcroft
And he's had enough of your shit!

You better get wise, you better get hip
And don't go givin' your Mama no lip
'Cause Santa Claus is coping a 'tude!

He's making a list, he's checkin' it twice
He don't give a rat's ass if you're naughty or nice
'Cause Santa Claus is coppin' a 'tude


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: JJ
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 09:32 AM

Ricky and Copper? Is it a Pittsburgher you are then, LadyJean?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Mark Ross
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 10:41 AM

To the tune of JINGLE BELLS;

Walking down the aisle, with an empty pocketbook,
I can't afford to buy, so I'll just have to look,
Bells on registers ring, making me uptight,
I guess I'll have to go and rob a liquor store tonight!

Chorus;
Stick 'em up, stick 'em up, Christmas should be free,
I can't beat inflation, but inflation won't beat me!

Mark Ross


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Compton
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 11:21 AM

Nobady yet,(It appears) has mentioned...old favourites(??)"Does Santa Claus Sleep with His Whiskers Over or Under the Sheet?"...and "When Santa Got Stuck Up the Chimney"!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 06:01 PM

G'day PennyBlack,

I followed your link .. and on to the MP3 link ... and was confronted with a comprehensive and detailed "Sign-up" page for all sorts of things I don't want - while being flakked by intrusive pop-ups (with no turn-off Xs) ... so I think I'll take the safe path ... and stick with the tune I wrote (channelling whiney Cockney music hall ... )!

Regard(les)s,

Bob Bolton


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: Funny Christmas songs
From: PennyBlack
Date: 06 Dec 04 - 07:32 PM

and stick with the tune I wrote (channelling whiney Cockney music hall ... )! ?

If you are refering to the song mp3 requested by Songbird - as long as all copyright is observed feel free.

PB


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