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BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?

GUEST,Bothered and Bewildered 08 Mar 04 - 03:06 PM
Clinton Hammond 08 Mar 04 - 03:09 PM
Amos 08 Mar 04 - 03:09 PM
GUEST,pdc 08 Mar 04 - 03:13 PM
Allan C. 08 Mar 04 - 03:17 PM
GUEST 08 Mar 04 - 03:19 PM
The Villan 08 Mar 04 - 03:22 PM
GUEST,I prefer to remain anon, too 08 Mar 04 - 03:54 PM
Rustic Rebel 08 Mar 04 - 04:03 PM
GUEST,Bothered and Bewildered 08 Mar 04 - 04:10 PM
The Villan 08 Mar 04 - 04:16 PM
GUEST 08 Mar 04 - 04:50 PM
Bill D 08 Mar 04 - 05:14 PM
Pexx97 08 Mar 04 - 05:16 PM
mg 08 Mar 04 - 05:27 PM
GUEST, who can't speak for all men, but 08 Mar 04 - 05:28 PM
Walking Eagle 08 Mar 04 - 05:28 PM
Allan C. 08 Mar 04 - 06:00 PM
Peace 08 Mar 04 - 06:10 PM
GUEST,can't speak for all women but..... 08 Mar 04 - 06:28 PM
Allan C. 08 Mar 04 - 06:43 PM
harvey andrews 08 Mar 04 - 06:45 PM
GUEST,jacquic@Newark 08 Mar 04 - 07:01 PM
Mr Red 08 Mar 04 - 07:04 PM
Little Hawk 08 Mar 04 - 07:07 PM
Allan C. 08 Mar 04 - 07:11 PM
Peace 08 Mar 04 - 07:21 PM
Strick 08 Mar 04 - 07:28 PM
GUEST,Bothered and Bewildered 08 Mar 04 - 08:18 PM
open mike 08 Mar 04 - 08:44 PM
Allan C. 08 Mar 04 - 08:47 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Mar 04 - 09:21 PM
hobbitwoman 08 Mar 04 - 09:25 PM
Thomas the Rhymer 08 Mar 04 - 09:27 PM
Amergin 08 Mar 04 - 09:37 PM
Bobert 08 Mar 04 - 09:44 PM
Peace 08 Mar 04 - 10:21 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 08 Mar 04 - 10:23 PM
harpgirl 09 Mar 04 - 12:09 AM
Peace 09 Mar 04 - 12:23 AM
Amergin 09 Mar 04 - 12:56 AM
open mike 09 Mar 04 - 12:59 AM
Amergin 09 Mar 04 - 01:25 AM
SueB 09 Mar 04 - 02:21 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Mar 04 - 02:42 AM
Little Hawk 09 Mar 04 - 10:25 AM
Ellenpoly 09 Mar 04 - 11:45 AM
GUEST,Heart-broken 09 Mar 04 - 12:13 PM
Chief Chaos 09 Mar 04 - 12:17 PM
GUEST,harpgirl 09 Mar 04 - 12:28 PM
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Subject: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,Bothered and Bewildered
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:06 PM

I am a regular Catter, but prefer to be anonymous on this one. Hope you all don't mind. I am serious in asking for your opinions and information.

I am divorced and middle-aged and it is more than 20 years since I have been involved in anything like 'dating'. I find I am entering a very different and rather bewildering world and I wonder if what I have been experiencing is the norm. I got talking to a man through work, who asked me out for a drink and we got on very well. What amazes me is that within two weeks of our first meeting, he wanted and expected me to go to bed with him. This is the second man I have been out with since I have been single and the second time this has happened. Am I really so very out of touch ? Are people in real life all now behaving like characters from Sex & the City and Eastenders etc. ?

Please don't think I am a version of "disgusted of Tonbridge Wells". I'm very much hoping to have a full sexual relationship with someone again. It's just that I thought that mature adults would enjoy and understand the delight of a gradual build-up, of getting to know someone and that sex would mean something.

Are the two experiences I have had typical amongst the middle-aged ? I'd be glad to know. At the moment, I am feeling rather disappointed and disillusioned, as well as

Bothered and Bewildered


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:09 PM

"I thought that mature adults would enjoy and understand the delight of a gradual build-up, of getting to know someone and that sex would mean something"

Some will... some won't... The real trick is finding the ones who ARE like minded...


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:09 PM

For once, a question on which I have no opinion!! Seriously, though, I don't think expecting sexual congress is sufficient grounds for granting it. For one thing, I'd think the other party might be sensitive enough to understand what was going on, especially if you were up to communicating it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,pdc
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:13 PM

Based on my own experiences, I regret to say that I think yours are typical. Perhaps with luck you will meet a man your own age with similar values -- I hope so. I did, and ended up marrying him.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Allan C.
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:17 PM

Not for me, necessarily, but for many men two weeks is a gradual buildup!


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:19 PM

You aren't out of touch. Its the date that's out of touch with proper etiquette, how to treat a lady. Were I single and attractive to you, I would definitely allow you the luxury of time to get to know me and would allow you also to make the first move when you felt comfortable. Good luck in your endeavors.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: The Villan
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:22 PM

I guess when you are middle aged (I am past that), then you have learned a lot over time. Whats the point of beating about the bush.
You are not a teenager anymore. If you fancy somebody, then go for it. life is too short. I guess safe sex is more important nowadays than it ever was. get him tested. If he is all clear, then within reason, you know he isn't a jump into bed with anybody, or he is just very lucky.
The middle aged bloke needs to sow his oats before it is too late. So be warned, he may not fancy you enough to get married to, he may just want sex.
At the end of the day it is your decision, you are a grown up person, who doesn't have to answer to anybody else.
I think life has changed dramatically. I don't think courtship comes into it anymore (blame telly and peoples morality and thepill and anything else that you can think of).
Hey at the end of the day, you have to decide, not anybody else.
Good luck on whatever you decide.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,I prefer to remain anon, too
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 03:54 PM

Your experience could mean any number of things, really.
The men might be very attracted to you as a potential mate; they might be using dating for sex; they might be sex addicts; they might think this was their only chance at sex for several more days/weeks/months/, etc. etc. What do you think it meant?

    How long did it take you to sleep with your husband? Have you ever jumped into bed when you were attracted to someone? A man who likes you enough to wait can take no for an answer. Why are you so surprised that grown people want sex after two dates? You might want to explore your own expectations to see if they are unrealistic. Men almost always have more compeling sex drives than women. Surely you are aware of that?


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 04:03 PM

You could always look at it this way... The sooner you have sex with him the sooner you know if it's going to be a good thing or a bad thing. What if you wait and fall in love only to discover you found yourself a horrible lover, that can't satisfy you. That would be a bummer huh? Life is short, but if you like the guy, and if your horny at all, well what the hell? (Ha!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,Bothered and Bewildered
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 04:10 PM

Thank you everyone for the comments so far. I will look in later to see if there are any more.

'Guest' - you are a gentleman indeed ! 'pdc' - I am very pleased to read your story. Thank you.

'The Villan' - I made my decision. I said "No" and would say no again in a similar circumstance. I think it's wise for people to know each other for at least 6 months before they go to bed together. By then, if they are still together, it is going to be more than something 'recreational'.

'The Villan' said: " You are not a teenager anymore. If you fancy somebody, then go for it." Surely, that IS the way teenagers behave. Don't older people have a bit more sense and maturity than that ?

Maybe I will just have to get a parrot, like the old maid in the garret song :)

Please keep the replies coming. This is very interesting. Thank you.

Bothered and Bewildered


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: The Villan
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 04:16 PM

Having said all of that, i have to say that I have remained loyal to my wife.
You made the right decision.

"Don't older people have a bit more sense and maturity than that ?"

I guess that depends on the person. You know a mans brain is in his ****. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 04:50 PM

After becoming single again I quickly gave up on "dating" as it all seemed pretty gruesome.

Instead I got into the ceilidh scene and started meeting people without any sexual or romantic baggage. One night I gave a regular dancing partner a lift home and we went on our first date after breakfast. We are still together over 10 years later.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Bill D
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 05:14 PM

if a man 'expects' sex on the first or 2nd date, it may be a clue to how he approaches other important issues. If two people suddenly discover, after 2 hours together, that they both WANT to head for bed, that's something else...and may be even nice!

I had a rule that served me pretty well for years..."Never go to bed with someone that you are not sure you'd enjoy being with if you are not going to bed with them" ...this can be projected to ask what the other person thinks of YOU, also...if they are not enjoying your company out of bed, how will sex improve it?


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Pexx97
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 05:16 PM

Five years ago I met my partner and the same night I asked her to stay over. She refused and I thought more of her for that. I knew then that I wanted to get to know her better before anything happened. I have said to her that if she had stayed I probably would never have seen her again. We are both middle aged and have been separated from our previous partners for more than six years. I misread the situation and am so glad I did. Instead of a one night stand I have found someone whom I can happily spend the rest of my days with. Perhaps I did react that first night like a horny teenager but because she had more sense I have found more than I ever expected. Stick to your gut feelings on this one. Somewhere out there is a man who will take all the time you need and more. WE


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: mg
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 05:27 PM

Tell them right up front what your rules and goals are. It might scare them all away but that is OK too...mg


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST, who can't speak for all men, but
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 05:28 PM

In answering to your original question I'd have to say a resounding "yes!" you are out of touch. Above someone said something about lifes too short. I'm afraid that in today's society, men your age will be wanting to explore every aspect of your relationship in short order. You can blame it on TV, on societal changes or whatever you want but the fact remains that most men will not be satisfied with hors d'oeuvres and soup of the day for very long without sampling the main course and dessert. This doesn't have to indicate a lack of respect for you. Finding you desireable and voicing the wish to act upon it is just being human. I'm sorry that you seem to think less of a man because of it. After all, the guys who keep their legs crossed for SIX MONTHS! aren't guaranteed to be gems either.

You are old fashioned but sometimes there is beauty in that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 05:28 PM

It all comes down to one question. Do you, or do you think you will at some point, love him? Gut check time.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Allan C.
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:00 PM

That's Old Fashioned
Words and Music by Bill Giant, Bernie Baum, and Florence Kaye


We hold hands in the movie show
So they say that we're old fashioned
Or we stroll beneath the silv'ry moon, oo-oo-oo-oon
And we carve our initials in the old oak tree
That's old fashioned, that's the way love should be

We enjoy sitting side by side
In the booth in the ice cream parlor
Where we play the nickelodeon, ah-ah-ah-ahn
And we dance when we hear our favorite melody
That's old fashioned, that's the way love should be

It's a modern changing world
Everything is moving fast
But when it comes to love I like
What they did in the past

I'm the kind who loves only one
So the boys say I'm old fashioned
Let them laugh, honey I don't mi-i-i-i-ind
I've made plans for a wedding day for you and me
That's old fashioned, that's the way love should be


as sung by The Everly Brothers


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Peace
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:10 PM

Dear B and B: I do not think you are out of touch. People ya love are worth waiting for. It's pretty simple to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,can't speak for all women but.....
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:28 PM

Should desire and sexual attraction be governed by a six month waiting period.Isn't that a bit clinical? Does that make it worthier? More respectful?

At the end of the day it is nobody elses decision other than yours as to whom you share your body with, but sex can be recreational. Unless you view every prospective partner as a husband.

The act itself is the perfect way to indulge our senses, relieve tensions and lead to a fitful sleep. The hang ups associated with it are of our own making.

I'd say follow your libido. If it feels good do it. If it don't then don't. But forget the time ban. If you meet someone and can't keep your hands off him after a fortnight, then go for it. Life is short.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Allan C.
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:43 PM

You meant "restful" sleep, didn't you Guest, csfawb?


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: harvey andrews
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 06:45 PM

Six months! I'd feel unwanted. In middle age six months is more like two years, the clock ticks.Life is to be lived. If you don't want   him within hours, I'd say he was the wrong one for you. I was 38 when I had my first date with my wife 23 years ago. I knew within minutes.So did she.We still do. Lust is good, so is love, they're nature's way. Both together are heaven, but one without the other can be hell.Good luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,jacquic@Newark
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:01 PM

I think that this has to come down to individual circumstances. I must admit that, when I was younger I did get sexually involved at an early stage in relationships but even then had to have strong feelings for the guy. Nowadays I would prefer to get to know someone as a friend before committing to a relationship by sleeping with them - I've seen too many of my friends get too far into unsatisfactory relationships too fast and then have a problem getting loose.

Who makes a judgement as to whether someone is 'good in bed'? A guy can be a great sexual athlete but if the feeling isn't there then it's an empty act as far as I'm concerned. If there is a good relationship between two people then any sexual problems can be dealt with in one way or another. If I had to choose I'd rather have the emotional side of a relationship than the physical any day - both is hitting the jackpot. Maybe that's a female way of looking at it though.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Mr Red
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:04 PM

Subject for a song Harvey? eh? Middle-age dating, newbies all over again - spirit unwilling and the flesh ............

On a serious note - I would say the first thing is there is a trend to web contacts &/or newspaper ads and my feeling there was and you will find similar views on this site is:-

The problem with text is that it doesn't convey the other 70 (or 80) % of human communication. The smiles, the blushing (Frueds say it is a sign of sexual submissiveness) the hand wringing, the mirroring. The problem then is we tend to place all judgement on the text. And in my limited experience there is a lot of fickleness and lack of honesty that you nail good and proper with an "eyeball".

Take one instant - I went to meet midday Sunday very public and she turned-up (not ever gaurranteed). Pleasant day no real spark but I am patient. We visit museum and art gallery - no real spark and she walks me to my car (her insistence). Then we have the game of spotting my car - a modest 10 yearold. By which time I had her sussed. The car was the analogue for the wallet (unless it was a phallic surrogate) and that was her criterion. I depart annoyed but thankful of the inevitable which came slowly. AND she was not the only one to use that criterion, in various shades of "subtle". I had a good job and fully paid for house.

Compare that with meeting Joy. At a Cajun dance. I am a keen dancer - so is she. That was three glorious years ago. Common interest and first contact is visual. Let's just say it is easier that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:07 PM

Takes all kinds, doesn't it? I think if you keep looking you will find someone who is on your wavelength about timing, Bothered. What I have found is that every situation is different. Some relationships build up very slowly, others more quickly. You just never know. You have to follow your instincts each time, that's all. There IS no one particular formula, as far as I'm concerned.

Then too, "no" can be a very useful word, can't it? :-) Even men get to use it now and then, hard as that is to believe! I have...but not to someone I was actually "dating"...more to certain individuals I happened to be around a lot...and they decided to take the initiative. I wasn't into it, for various reasons, on some of those occasions.

Of course, when you say "no" it helps to say it diplomatically...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Allan C.
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:11 PM

The emotional side of it is just fine. But I submit that it is good to know early on that your partner prefers wearing galoshes and playing a bassoon during sex. Of course, if you'd rather have that kind of surprise after having invested months and months of emotion...


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Peace
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:21 PM

I'm Canadian. Our women often DO wear galoshes. Don't make fun of our women. Them's fightin' words. And if there's the added bonus of her being a really GOOD bassoon player . . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Strick
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 07:28 PM

I'm so out of date that any opinion of mine should be disqualifed, but I've heard something about a "three date rule" that apparently causes some confusion.

Didn't Seinfeld do a bit about it?


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,Bothered and Bewildered
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 08:18 PM

Thank you all so much for these comments. It is helping me a lot, and I'm glad to see that there are at least a few people living on the same planet as me, but comments from the other planet are very helpful in getting my thoughts clearer.

Some people have talked about 'life being too short': Maybe it depends on personality. Some people will gobble their favourite item of food on the plate first. Others know the pleasure of eating the rest slowly and watching and leaving the best until the end and then truly s a v o u r i n g it. How does a child eat ? How does a connoisseur eat ? I am sure you are right, Harvey. Desire is instantaneous. You can want someone, but you don't have to act on that straight away.

'Guest,can't speak for all women but..": Your comments have helped me a lot. To me, the phrases "if it feels good, do it" and "sex can be recreational" and your referring to "the act" is what is "clinical", more so than my saying it is wise for people to wait for months before sleeping with each other.

You say: "The act itself is the perfect way to indulge our senses, relieve tensions and lead to a restful sleep." I know exactly what you mean. You are talking about the purely physical orgasmic level of experience. I enjoy and indulge those senses (without a partner)with great satisfaction most nights.

I may be out of touch and old-fashioned, but I think sex with a partner is meant to go so far beyond the mere physical "relief of tension". We humans are body, mind and spirit. You say: "But sex can be recreational. Unless you view every prospective partner as a husband." Yes I do. Not in the sense of a 'legal piece of paper husband' but in the sense of someone with whom I share everything. For whom nothing about me is hidden. Where this Trust, Honesty and Love. That is a true husband and wife, "Married with God's blessing" without necessarily a church or a priest. You can have a good idea about the nature of a person within seconds of meeting them, but it takes time for trust, honesty and love to grow to fruition. Then, and only then, you are not "indulging in physical sex", you are Making Love.

(Less) Bothered and Bewildered, thanks to ALL your comments. I am coming to the conclusion that I am certainly out of step with a lot of people's thinking, but I cannot change the way I am. "To thine own self be true". I am certainly not judging or criticizing anybody else's views here. This is all just helping me (and maybe hopefully others) to think around this subject.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: open mike
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 08:44 PM

Well, there are 28 posts on the moolit beach thread
and there are 28 posts on the dating thread...
they are neck in neck (neckin' neck?)


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Allan C.
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 08:47 PM

It's a Libra thing, OM!


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:21 PM

Look, if the guy wants to have sex and you don't, just say, "Thanks for the lovely evening," and then give him Rustic Rebel's phone number.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: hobbitwoman
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:25 PM

Well, B&B, you may be out of step with a lot of people's thinking, but I'm apparently the last person on earth who still views sex as something to be saved for marriage. Before y'all start throwing things at me, I do not sit in judgment on anyone - that is just my personal belief, maybe just a throwback to all that good, old-fashioned Irish Catholic guilt I was raised on... or maybe not. At any rate, that's one of the reasons I have not dated in the 13 years I have been widowed... I know guys generally want "more" than what I feel I can give, and I have no desire to be spending my evenings fending off, physically or verbally, someone's advances. Also, what kind of a relationship would it be if I felt I was denying my partner something that was important to him? If this all adds up to a vow of celibacy, so be it. I can't change the way I am either.

Now, this is not to say that if 6 months or a year or 10 years from now, the "right" person might come along, I might find myself thinking differently on this subject, because if there is one thing I have learned, it is that I cannot predict the future, and a lot of the things I used to believe, I don't believe any more. So maybe I can't change the way I am, but life can change me. And has done, and probably will again.

But as for jumping into bed after 2 dates, for all the good reasons others have listed here, no, sorry, don't see that happening any time soon. If that's what dating's all about these days, I'll skip it, thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:27 PM

Don't worry yourself sweetie... it is important that you follow your inner voice in this matter. If the people around us are quite simply, wrong... you wouldn't want to be in step with them anyway. Especially on the subject of intimacy. The only person who can 'make sure' you are having your emotional needs met, and your need for safety guarenteed... is you. You set the stage, and you have to make the proper choices for yourself.

Also, your 'way of loving' needs to be a language your partner speaks fairly fluently...

Good luck! ...and may you find just the right person.
ttr


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Amergin
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:37 PM

I think it is commendable to want to wait....if you're not comfortable with it...then why do it? I never saw why people jumped into bed with each other right away anyways...it is much better when there is an emotional tie between the two people instead of let's just fuck and get it over with.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Bobert
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 09:44 PM

No smoke, no fire... You'll know...

Ain't about what *he* wants but what *you* want... Shoot, if he's "the one" you'll be jumpin' his bones about the third date.

Time tables go out the window when it comes to love........

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Peace
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 10:21 PM

That's it. That's the pompitous of love. Dang, after all these years. Now I know what that line meant.

I agree with hobbitwoman and TtR's post. It's a very personal decision, and the person and timing have got to be just right.

Like cooking a 2 minute and 45 second egg. (OK, the simile's all wrong, but ya know?) Like picking just the perfect, ripe onion to add on top of the pizza. Like blue cheese and that je ne sais pas quois flavour of the muscatel. Like garlic snails on whole wheat crackers with peanut butter. Like smoked oysters and zig-zag papers. Like two-ply tissue and a runny nose. Like . . . . Oh, I could go on, but you know what I mean. If it ain't right, it ain't right.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 10:23 PM

Damn - calendars - one can work into an Irish Buzz.....and discover they were days before they was.

See the current film "50-One-Dates" go home and then view "Ground-Hog's Day."

Times have changed....it is time for you.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Unless you are Episcopalian, Luthern, Baptist, Brethern, Orthodox....in which case..."sin" is still "SIN!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: harpgirl
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:09 AM

gee whiz, garg...you sound like you have an Irish Buzz! This chick wants spiritual union when she has sex. So you might as well forget any designs you might have had on her!


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:23 AM

Why would he draw designs on her?


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Amergin
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:56 AM

sounds kind of kinky to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: open mike
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:59 AM

i think they make some body paints/bath soaps to use on your lover when applying those designs...maybe they are using henna tatoos?!


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Amergin
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:25 AM

shouldn't that be henna taboos?


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: SueB
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 02:21 AM

B&B, I have researched the question, and I believe I have the definitive answer. According to my copy of The Rules (I sent it to my sister 6 or 7 years ago as a gag gift, and she was mortally offended and sent it back)..."don't be surprised if the man you're dating gets very angry when you kiss him goodnight in the lobby at the end of your second date rather than invite him upstairs for a drink. He has probably been spoiled by other women" (those sluts!)"who slept with him on the first or second date and now he feels he's being denied this pleasure. But don't worry. Anger indicates interest, and you might be surprised, for he will probably call you again!" The author goes on to say, "Making him wait will only increase his desire and create more passion when you finally have sex whenever you're ready." That's Rule #15: Don't rush into sex.

Hope this helps!


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 02:42 AM

My number- 555-horny. You have mine, and Bee-duby-ell's permission to give that number out as long as the man has a beautiful smile, eye's that light the way to my passion, a laugh that's loud, robust, and sensitive, and a big....

heart.


Ps. This is only directed to Bee-Dubya-
You shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 10:25 AM

LOL! I was wondering when the reaction would come.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Ellenpoly
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:45 AM

I'm coming onto most of these threads way too late, but that's because I'm limited to the time I can spend online...sorry. I just wanted to say this...
I'm a child of the 60s, and looking back on my sexual history, I have had far more sex because I felt I was supposed to, than sex because I was ready for it.
Being older for me means learning what I really like, and what feels right, and not feeling pushed by anyone or anything to act before I'm damn well ready.
Follow your gut on this. Wait until you're ready, whether it's after one or one hundred dates. This is harder for woman because we've been taught to acquiesce, but age also has it's privileges, and the the biggest is to be who you've grown into being, yes?
..xx..e


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,Heart-broken
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:13 PM

Having been wooed, courted and won (?) with great energy, application and lies, through the initial medium of Mudcat and then dumped unceremoniously I would now say some of these posts about the behaviour of men of a certain age are spot on.

There are men of a certain age who revert to being teenagers - there are men (usually 50 more or less) who think women of their age must be deperate and grateful and in fact, like teenagers, don't expect a committment: after all they've had their fingers burned by alimony etc and plus it's too exciting being let into the candy store.

There are men of this age who (I've seen them) with a thought bubble above their heads that says "I am short, fat, grey, balding and a preference for grey, sagging, nylon underwear, dubious laundry habits and a prediliction for boring the arse off everyone (including my mates) but hey, I have a penis so that makes all the foregoing desirable?"

Men are boring and predictable - and face it, honey- all the good ones got snaffled long ago - or are still into biological imperatives such as making it with fertile females (ie, under 40) or they are gay. The only ones worth not giving a wide berth to are widowers.

Fact: whereas men not in relationships are generally (sexually and mentally) wankers - for solitary women, masturbation gives predictably satisfactory results without having grey, nylon, laundry chores.

Dating? Forget it. Men - forget them. Concentrate on creating a fulfilling life for yourself (after all, unless you hook a toy boy we women are all going to end up living longer and alone anyway).

Me: after the appalling heart break by someone who took great care to pass all the inbuilt checks - I'm gonna be a lesbian. At least that's having sex and a relationship with a species I can understand and relate to.   Men really are from the planet Zog and why waste any more of your life trying to understand them?


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:17 PM

I posted as "guest" (6th post). I deleted cookies the other day and forgot the forum would do that.

I still believe in what I said, regardless of the other opinions presented.
Life is short? All the better to savour the desire and other intangible feelings leading up to making love. As a middle age(?)(37) male I find others constantly flirting with me because of the ring on my finger and really don't know how to react. Are they joking or serious? I suppose it doesn't matter because I'm just a faithful old dog anyway.

This isn't a game. This isn't a food item with an expiration date.
Making love is a selfless "miracle" between two lovers where each should be giving themselves to the other while trying their best to love and please the other.

I believe the best way to express what I'm trying to say is with that great line from a Who song:

"One and one don't make two, One and one make one"

Call me a Southern Gentleman or a hopeless romantic, its how I feel.


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Subject: RE: BS: Dating Behaviour - am I out of touch ?
From: GUEST,harpgirl
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:28 PM

...my cookie's gone now too at the moment but I did not write as Heart-Broken in case anyone thinks I did! LOL I'm still waiting for another BillD/JoeOffer/RogerinBaltimore/Bee-dubya-ell/Rapaire/JerryRassumusen/ArtThieme, etc etc to come into my little life...Hell, I'd even go for a McGrath if he would give me an hour of silence every day! hahahahaha


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