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BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors

Firecat 25 Jan 04 - 04:00 PM
NH Dave 25 Jan 04 - 03:12 PM
Don Firth 25 Jan 04 - 02:08 PM
Uncle_DaveO 25 Jan 04 - 01:18 PM
Sandra in Sydney 25 Jan 04 - 06:51 AM
GUEST,JTT 24 Jan 04 - 06:33 PM
Amos 24 Jan 04 - 05:10 PM
Uncle_DaveO 24 Jan 04 - 04:58 PM
Cluin 24 Jan 04 - 04:56 PM
GUEST 24 Jan 04 - 04:53 PM
Firecat 24 Jan 04 - 04:37 PM
Sandra in Sydney 24 Jan 04 - 07:56 AM
JennieG 24 Jan 04 - 06:15 AM
Sandra in Sydney 23 Jan 04 - 07:33 AM
Clinton Hammond 22 Jan 04 - 07:22 PM
GUEST,obnig hrobdog 22 Jan 04 - 07:15 PM
Cluin 22 Jan 04 - 07:06 PM
Uncle_DaveO 22 Jan 04 - 07:01 PM
Don Firth 22 Jan 04 - 06:20 PM
Clinton Hammond 22 Jan 04 - 04:48 PM
Folkiedave 22 Jan 04 - 04:42 PM
GUEST,Santa 22 Jan 04 - 12:13 PM
SINSULL 21 Jan 04 - 07:23 PM
GUEST,leeneia 21 Jan 04 - 01:19 AM
Clinton Hammond 21 Jan 04 - 12:41 AM
JennieG 20 Jan 04 - 11:31 PM
Roger the Skiffler 20 Jan 04 - 03:49 AM
Deckman 20 Jan 04 - 01:33 AM
Neighmond 20 Jan 04 - 01:08 AM
GUEST,John Gray in Oz 19 Jan 04 - 09:55 PM
Uncle_DaveO 19 Jan 04 - 03:55 PM
Raptor 19 Jan 04 - 12:08 PM
Bob Hitchcock 19 Jan 04 - 11:57 AM
Mark Dowding 19 Jan 04 - 11:42 AM
GUEST,ClaireBear 19 Jan 04 - 11:23 AM
GUEST,James 19 Jan 04 - 10:27 AM
Clinton Hammond 19 Jan 04 - 03:14 AM
Rustic Rebel 19 Jan 04 - 01:12 AM
JennieG 19 Jan 04 - 12:42 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 18 Jan 04 - 10:31 PM
Donuel 18 Jan 04 - 07:30 PM
Jeanie 18 Jan 04 - 06:16 PM
Uncle_DaveO 18 Jan 04 - 02:53 PM
GUEST,Boab D 18 Jan 04 - 11:11 AM
MudGuard 18 Jan 04 - 10:37 AM
Amos 18 Jan 04 - 10:28 AM
Jeanie 18 Jan 04 - 10:04 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 Jan 04 - 09:24 AM
Leadfingers 18 Jan 04 - 09:01 AM
Sandra in Sydney 18 Jan 04 - 07:49 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Firecat
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 04:00 PM

To those who were asking what a canna is, it's the abbreviated way of saying canvasser. I couldn't be bothered typing the full word all the time!


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: NH Dave
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 03:12 PM

When I moved about 6 years ago, I took over the apartment and phone number one (faster & cheaper that getting another number) of a guy who must have owed everyone in this part of the world. When I got calls for him I'd simply say that he had moved, leaving no forwarding address.

Meanwhile, when I changed the phone over to my account, I used the name Anony Mouse. When the phone company sales assistant told me that it wasn't a name, I assured her that Anony was a fine Greek name, and how long did they expect to keep their Greek customers if the continued discriminating against us this way. We do have a large Greek population locally. So now I had two tip-offs, if they called for Bill Deadbeat or Mr. or Mrs. Mouse, I'd simply hanng up.

Unfortunately when it came time to get a new telephone directory, smarter person from the directory service office called me in a really bad mood and told me that Anony Mouse was neither a name nor the least bit funny and if I wished to keep my phone service I had to give them a better name.

Oh well, it worked for a bit.

Dave


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Don Firth
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 02:08 PM

My sympathies, Firecat—up to a point.

I worked for a few weeks back in the early Fifties in telephone sales. Apparently I was pretty good at it because my boss said I was doing marvelously and somehow I made enough money at it (percentage of sales) to put a down payment on my first really nice guitar (a Martin 00-18 — full price, $95.00 at the time; my down payment was $15.00). But frankly, I couldn't take that much rejection. On top of that, I knew I was interrupting people in the middle of their busy day and trying to sell them something that maybe one out of 500 might actually consider buying, but probably not from some gink on the phone who rang them up just as they were going into the bathroom to take a pee. I'd have to be dangling off the side of a cliff before I'd consider taking that kind of job again—for several reasons.

Once in a while I'll play a bit with a caller as I did in my post above (I was just answering the questions the guy asked, after all), but usually, once I've ascertained that it's a sales call, I interrupt the opening pitch and politely tell the caller, "Let me save us both some time. I'm not interested. Thank you." Then I hang up without further ado.

I consider sales calls to be on a par with pop-up adds on my computer. It's a rude interruption of what I'm doing at the time and the overwhelming majority of them are nothing I would be remotely interested in anyway.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 01:18 PM

As to the word "canna", Google finds nothing but flowers. What is its origin, and what is its geographical distribution?

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 25 Jan 04 - 06:51 AM

Firecat - good luck in getting another job. I've worked in a call centre, too, tho we received calls, so I know the system.

As others have said, I did not ask the caller to ring me & interrupt what I was doing, so I get rid of the call as fast as I can.

My home is very much my castle & my refuge & I don't let strangers in. I'm not happy about repairmen since one commented on my valuable collection - cos it isn't, as any thief would find if they tried to sell my treasures. I have also been on the Aust Direct Marketing Assn's Off-list for over 20 years so I don't get much junk mail (except from real estate agents, but that's a different story) & as soon as Oz gets a phone Off list similar to US & UK I'll be on that.

Having worked in a call centre I know how hard it is to get a job - some of my colleagues had been out of work for quite a while before they joined us & most of them went on to bigger & better jobs. I hope you find your ideal job where you can be as happy as I am now, away from the stress of the call centre & it's management culture.

sandra


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 06:33 PM

I usually just explain that I'm not the man of the house, and they ask what time to phone back, and I say time, and they don't phone back.

But I've always wanted to say: "Son, have you been Saved?" and reach for my Bible. Scary thing is that I actually might succeed in converting one. You know how it is when you get into something enough.

But the pibroch idea is *very* tempting.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Amos
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 05:10 PM

I've had some loverly conversations with commercial callers (by the way, where does the word "canna" come from -- we don't have it over here). I get them off their spiel as soon as I can. If they're awake and alive it doesn't take much!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 04:58 PM

Firecat, I don't dislike you (or any other individual in your position), but I intensely dislike the system of which you are a part.

I think you need to realize that, for your own economic or other reasons (which I guess I understand), you are engaging in what most of us in this thread consider a very rude and uncalled for intrusion. We (or at least I) tend to lump all such calls and callers into one grand bundle of intrusion into my (our) life/lives, and we (or at least I) regard you not as an individual but just another instance of the grand pain-in-the-ass. And as "just another instance" the temptation is to unload on you all the feelings that get built up.

My take on it, for whatever it's worth. I hope you can soon find another and better job.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Cluin
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 04:56 PM

I have had nice conversations with telemarketers before, by interrupting them with "Do you like your job?" The ones who stop and answer "No", I then engage in a few minutes of nice conversation about the weather, news, etc. then wish them a good day and good bye and let them get back to their job. It was a nice break in the day for both of us I like to think.

I also politely let them know that if I was going to do business over the phone it would be me calling a business initally, not the other way around.

The things I posted above were just for fun. I'd never do them in reality. Both because it's mean to someone stuck doing a lousy job (would anybody seriously enjoy it?) or because I have better ways to spend my time.

While I've never done that kind of work myself, I have done "telephone list" duty for our local folk club. That entails calling numbers of people who have signed to be on the calling list to notify them of upcoming concerts and events. It can be unpleasant when you call the place and get someone there who isn't interested in the info. Some spouses, family members, etc. have been downright rude ("What the f**k are you calling me about this for? DON"T CALL HERE AGAIN, ASSHOLE!"), even when I explained that the person I was trying to reach had signed our list to be called. So I do have some sympathy for people who do that for a living.

But I do get annoyed that they call at dinnertime. Or worse, when you get the computer-dialed call that results in no one on the other end. I know that the computer has dialed several numbers at once and the human telemarketer has answered the first caller to pick up and the rest get forgotten. Like their time is more important than mine. THAT process should be outlawed everywhere.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 04:53 PM

Firecat, I know you're young,and I really am not trying to sound preachy, but some of these people are shift workers/changing nappies/trying to relieve their constipation/making wild passionate love/delicately blowing glass/in the middle of a huge marital row/coping with recent bad news/lancing a boil/boiling a lance/on the way out/on the way in/cross stitching/painting the ceiling/bleaching the carsey/placating a child with chicken pox/making airfix models/cleaning the windows/stirring custard....and heaven forbid all of the above at the same time.

They never asked you to call.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Firecat
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 04:37 PM

Having read all of this thread, I think it would be suitable to tell you my job! I'm a telephone canvasser!!!!!

Yep, I'm one of the poor unfortunate souls that all of you lot are whinging about! Time to tell you MY side of it.

Point one:- I don't know if this is true for all call centres, but the one I work at has automatic dialling, i.e. I do not get a say in who I call.

Point two:- You may well find that if you are rude to the person who calls you, you could get called more by the same company, subject to whether you p*** off the canna enough for them to press the button marked "Answerphone" which will mean you automatically get called back the next day.

Point three:- PLEASE try and put yourself in our position. Telephone cannas have an extremely boring job. We generally make about 400 calls a shift (the shift I work is 3 hours), using exactly the same script. I ended up being able to recite the script in my sleep!

Point four:- If you are not the person the canna is asking for (in my case the property owner), PLEASE don't swear at us. The other day, I asked for a Mrs Edwards. The woman I spoke to was NOT the person I wanted to speak to, but instead of telling me this calmly and politely, like some of the people I speak to, her response was (exact words here) "F*** off and f***ing get an f***ing life, you f***ing stupid fat f***ing b****!" How she came to the conclusion I was fat I don't know, because it's not video-phone!

Point five:- Cannas are told to attempt to pronounce customers' names, even in the most difficult cases. I have had names ranging from the easy-to-pronounce Jones to the nigh-on-impossible Woloniewicz.

You get more from being polite than you do from using the sort of language as used in the example in point four. It is true in real life (or so I've found) and it is true when speaking to cannas.

The majority of cannas where I work are around 16 to 18 years old. I'm 20 and I'm one of the old ones! I have frequently seen new cannas in the verge of tears due to the rudeness of some of the people they have spoken to, and I personally have ended up in tears (and it is extremely rare that I cry) for the same reason.

I am looking for other jobs, but I have been at the call centre for just over four months now, and I have only spoken to about 15 people who are friendly and polite.

We don't even get paid that much! I get £5.10 per hour, but I think I should get a lot more!

Sorry if you have now taken a thorough dislike to me, but it's a job.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 07:56 AM

fierce JennyG!! Keep those boys in order. Do you use the same tone at school?

I had another caller this afternoon. I was lying down, dozing as my legs were killing me as I'd done a bit of walking. My phone is next to my bed on an old wooden bedside table & really echoes when it rings in my ear & I woke with a start, heart pounding. So I hung up on her & sat on the edge of the bed till I'd calmed down. Silly, me, I normally take the phone off the hook when I need rest.

sandra


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: JennieG
Date: 24 Jan 04 - 06:15 AM

It's not the words I use when I answer the caller, it's the tone of my voice. It is the "you-can-ask-as-much-as-you-want-but-the-answer-is-still-NO" voice. I have raised teenagers. I know how to say no so it will be believed.
Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Jan 04 - 07:33 AM

Cluin - your # 2 is used in a comic strip I have in my cartoon collection - she goes on at great length about her various illnesses, including taking pills for some hinted at condition, then says she would go mad if it wasn't for her little dog & tells it to say hello to the nice man. Sound of phone hanging up & last frame shows her with a contented smile & thought balloon "I just love telephone solicitors"

As I hang up immediately on any junk mail caller, I've never tried it but it sounds fun! The nearest I've come to playing with these callers (who I know are workers like you & me, but ...) is once when someone asked if I was Mrs (surname). I'm not married, so I said "There's no-one of that name here". Caller said is that (number)? I repeated what I'd said, more firmly this time. Caller persisted (I wonder what was on his cheat sheet?) So I snarled the same message & hung up!

Some time back we had another thread on telephone solicitors & I printed out Gargoyle's contribution. I especially loved the bit about letting them wait while he slowly chews his mouthful of celery & peanut butter.

sandra


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:22 PM

8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"

Can you folks get blood out??

No... I mean a LOT of blood...

No... more than that....

Cause I can get if off the walls myself, but....

:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: GUEST,obnig hrobdog
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:15 PM

Another one for the English-American dictionary


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:06 PM

Dealing with Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?"

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . ." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your fictitious problems.

3. If the person says he's Joe Whatsisname from the XYZ Company, ask him to spell his name, then ask him to spell the company name, then ask where it is located. Continue asking personal questions or questions about the company for as long as necessary.

4. If you are male and the telemarketer is female... Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with Canter and Siegel services....
You: "Hang on a second." (few seconds pause) "Okay, (in a really husky voice) what are you wearing?"

5. If you are female (or male too) cry out in well-simulated tones of pleasure and surprise, "Judy!! Is this really you? I can't believe it! Judy, how have you BEEN?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

6. Say, "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each no, and keep an even tempo even as they're trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can keep going until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up with their Family and Friends plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can muster, "I don't have any friends . . . would you be my friend?"

8. If they clean rugs: "Can you get blood out, you can? Well, how about goat blood or HUMAN blood - chicken blood too?"

9. Let the person go through their spiel, providing minimal but necessary feedback in the form of an occasional "Uh-huh, really, or, "That's fascinating." Finally, when they ask you to buy, ask them to marry you. They get all flustered, but just tell them you couldn't give your credit card number to someone who's a complete stranger.

10. Tell them you work for the same company they work for.
Example: Telemarketer: "This is Bill from Watertronics."
You: "Watertronics!! Hey I work for them too. Where are you calling from?"
Telemarketer: "Uh, Dallas, Texas."
You: "Great, they have a group there too? How's business/the weather? Too bad the company has a policy against selling to employees! Oh well, see ya."

11. I'm sorry, sir, but I'm completely filled with fruit and cheese.

12. OK, I'll take it on the condition that, right now, you bark like a dog for three minutes straight.

13. I can't make that kind of decision now; I'm on my deathbed. (cough, cough)

14. When you send that registration form to me, do I fill it out in pen, or is human blood OK?

15. I'm too fucking drunk to decide. (vomit noises)

16. Grandpa? Grandpa, is that you?...But...but...you've been dead for 15 years!

17. Really, ma'am, this is not a good time. I'm cold and naked with a plastic bag over my head.

18. Now will this protection you're offering cover all the children I keep locked up in the basement?

19. No, sir, you will not solicipitate me!!!

20. Just keep repeating: "I weel hunt you down like dog and keel you!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:01 PM

Although our "spam calls" have decreased greatly since the federal and state do-not-call lists were instituted, occasionally we still do get a call from some organization that evidently doesn't read the newspapers.

I am just waiting for the next one, so that I can say, "Let me talk to your supervisor, so I can arrange for your organization's $10,000 fine, please."

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Don Firth
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 06:20 PM

Last night. We're about to sit down to dinner. The phone rings.
         "Hello."
         "Hello. Is this Donald Firth speaking?"
         "Yes."
         "Mr. Firth, this is the [some finance company, I didn't get it]. Are you paying more than five percent on your home mortgage?"
         (Nobody's G—D— business, but I decided to have a little fun by adding to the level of frustration that is the lot of telephone solicitors.)
         "No."
         "Well, Mr. Firth, whatever your interest rate, we can refinance your mortgage to make your monthly payments smaller."
         "We don't make monthly mortgage payments."
         "I beg your pardon?"
         "Our mortgage was paid off twenty-one years ago."
         "Oh. . . . Well, are you planning to take out a home improvement loan any time in the near future?"
         "No"
         "Oh. . . . Well, our company can consolidate your credit card debt so that you only have to make one payment a month."
         "No thank you. We have no credit card debt."
        I thought I heard him choke for a moment.
         "No credit card debt!???"
         "No. My wife and I both use the same credit card and we pay it off every month. And since we pay it off every month, we never have to pay interest."
         "One credit card!??? You only have one credit card!??"
         "That's correct."
         "And—now let me get this right—you have no debt? You don't owe anybody any money?"
         "That's correct."
         "Oh. Uh. Oh. Hmm. Uh. . . ."
         "Have a nice evening." [Click]
And everything I told him is true.

Don (debt free) Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 04:48 PM

"Sounds like an urban tale to me"

I can see where it might, but I've been there when he's done it...

"it's really ignorant and nasty"

That's as may be, but it keeps the b@stards from ever calling back... At least he claims to never have recieved calls from the same place twice...


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: Folkiedave
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 04:42 PM

In the Uk it is possible to register with the telephone preference service and that does help a lot. I have used various techniques (for fun) to get rid of callers the object getting them to put the phone down not me!

Best one I have found is to tell them that if they wish to continue speaking then that will form a contract and I shall be invoicing them for my time. Ask for the number/adderess and tell them it is £60 per hour minimum 3 hours. That's what "solicitors charge".....etc....


Dave
www.collectorsfolk.co.uk


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telephone Solicitors
From: GUEST,Santa
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 12:13 PM

I'm waiting to try saying "Please ring back when I'm out" but none have called since I thought of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: SINSULL
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 07:23 PM

I recently had a hilarious conversation with a collection agent named Jim who was obviously calling from India.
To back up a step- my phone number was used on an application for a credit card possibly by the previous owner of the number. So - they a number, no name, no address, etc.

i called their 800 number to straighten out the mess, gave them the phone number and asked who owed how much and for what and why were they bothering me about it?


"jim" claimed they had no record of my phone number. I replied "Good. Then the calls will stop"
Him: "Well no. If you could just give me your address and Social Security number, I can find your account.
Me: "You are calling my number, you don't know who I am or where I live but you are going to insist that I pay you money that I don't owe you?"
JIM: With well practised feigned indignation "We operate within the Federal guidelines."
Me: "But what Federal government's guidelines are you using?"?
Jim: uh duh uh CLICK

The calls have stopped at least for the time being.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 01:19 AM

Re "A chum of mine talks to them... and gradually talks quieter and quieter until he can tell that they've turned thier phone reciever volume WAY up...

Then he blows a ref whistle as loud as he can into the phone..."

Sounds like an urban tale to me, but if it's true, it's really ignorant and nasty. You can destroy part of a person's hearing that way. Tell the a**hole to say "Put me on the do-not-call list."


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 12:41 AM

Again... sounds more than polite enough to me JG...

A chum of mine talks to them... and gradually talks quieter and quieter until he can tell that they've turned thier phone reciever volume WAY up...

Then he blows a ref whistle as loud as he can into the phone...

No one ever calls back....

again... more than polite if ya ask me...


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: JennieG
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 11:31 PM

Clinton,
There are ways of saying "I'm just not interested" that are definitely not polite!
Had another call last night, "What are you selling" I asked as he was launching into the spiel; as he was muttering something he got the "No thank you I'm not interested" and I hung up in mid-sentence. His, not mine.
Then I went back to cooking dinner.
Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 03:49 AM

Like Uncle Dave I found these folks usually mispronounce my surname and I either follow his line "What are you selling?" or just say "no thanks" and ring off. Since joining the telephone, mail and computer preference services in the UK, junk mail & cold calls have virtually disappeared.
RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Deckman
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 01:33 AM

John Gray ... I've done the same thing in elevators. It takes another person in on it. As the elevator fills up, you turn your back to the crowd and start speaking to your partner in an agitated and intense whisper: "I didn't know what to do. I mean, she'd told me she was pregnant. The knife was right there. Gawd ... it was so bloody!" Then as it dawns on others what you're saying, you both leave the elevator. CHEERS, Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Neighmond
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 01:08 AM

I tell them I am just stepping to the bath. Then I like to tell them what "I do in the bath". With whom.

I seldom get past the rubber duck and the neighbor and the line goes dead.

A'la Benny Hill!

Chaz


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: GUEST,John Gray in Oz
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 09:55 PM

I try and turn these calls into a positive - just for a laugh.

Telsol - could I speak to Mr John Gray please.

Me, in an agitated voice - Ummm-er-ummmm, he can't come to the phone right now he - he - aw shit, there's blood going everywhere! I didn't mean to hit him that hard but he wouldn't stop belittling me. Oh geez, what am I going to do - he's stopped breathing. I gotta ,gotta .................( and hang up )

Sometimes the phone rings right away but I don't answer it of course. Let them think they phoned a murder scene.
A couple of times the cops have arrived about 30 minutes later. They ask who I am and I tell them. Then they ask if they can have a look through the house - no problems. They leave shaking their heads, and it gives the neighbours something to talk about.
I didn't make a hoax phone call, someone called me.

JG/FME


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 03:55 PM

John Dowdling, I have one of those names they stumble over, too. It's "Oesterreich", the German word for Austria. My family pronounces it "OH-strich", and in German it's something like "AY-strike".

So (before the lists) when I'd get a call and hear, "Good evening, Mr....... Oh.... O'Ester-rich!" or similar stumbling, I'd immediately say, "Good evening. What are you selling?"

"Oh, I'm not selling anything!"

"That's good, because I'm not buying anything."

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Raptor
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:08 PM

My wife would pick up the phone let them go through thier spiel than in a kiddy voice say "I'm not wearing any pants" and when they'ed ask to speak to her parents she tell them in the same kiddy voice that she lived alone and that would mess them up compleatly!

I miss her.

Raptor


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Bob Hitchcock
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 11:57 AM

I too have noticed that these calls have stopped since I signed up for the Do Not Call List. My usual response to telemarketers was to say, "I am so glad you called, have you ever considered the benefits of owning a fine set of Encyclopedias". They would either hang up or just sit there in silence for a few seconds then I would hang up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Mark Dowding
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 11:42 AM

My name is Dowding as you will have gathered from the name above this post. It's simple enough to read and say but I get everything from Dowling, Downing, Donding, Dodling, Dowdling, etc, usually with whoever is on the other end stumbling over the pronunciation. If they don't give the correct pronunciation I just say that nobody of that name lives here - goodbye.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: GUEST,ClaireBear
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 11:23 AM

An idea I've fantasized about but haven't had the chance to try out yet:

"Oh, I'm glad you called, I really want to hear what you have to say -- but I'm just in the middle of a particularly difficult passage and I have to get it right before I stop playing. Can you hold on a second? Thanks..." then gently put down the phone next to a cassette player, punch play and walk away as 45 minutes of pibroch starts up.

I'm desperate to try this but don't have a cassette recorder. Please someone, try it and let me know if it's as satisfying as I think it would be!

Claire


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: GUEST,James
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 10:27 AM

Isn't it amazing that we are having this conversation at all. How did these people get the right to come into our homes ? It seems to me that my phone should not be available to others in order that they may make a profit.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 03:14 AM

"I'm just not polite. I usually say "no thank you I'm not interested"

Sounds MORE than polite enough if ya ask me...


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 01:12 AM

I had a call once looking for my friend. The caller said he was an owner of a McDonalds and he needed some work done. I had a hard time believing this guy because he had called several times before and I recognized his voice, so I said hold on a minute and I'll get him. I hand the phone over and the caller hung up. So then I knew it had to be the same caller. So when he called back another day and I again recognized his voice right away and I told him to take a big mac and shove it right up his ass and hung up. He didn't call back.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: JennieG
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:42 AM

It must be a bugger of a way to make a living I reckon - ringing up total strangers and reading some spiel from a big card to them. But having said that I will admit I am not usually polite to unwanted callers; I'm not quite rude, I'm just not polite. I usually say "no thank you I'm not interested" and hang up before they can draw breath to try to change my mind.

And they always ring up as I am cooking/eating/getting ready to go out......

Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:31 PM

Have a contest with friends.

Record the conversation on your answering machine....give awards for who keeps the tele-marketer going the longest, the funniest schtyck, the most gullible consumer rep, the shortest hangup by a marketer......gather for an evening of entertainment....and you will reap more than pound of flesh.

Sincerelyl,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Donuel
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 07:30 PM

If you hang up immediately you are only increasing the telemarketers efficiency to call the next person.

That is why "Please hold, the Congressman will be right with you" or any such thing that might make them actually stay on the line while you go about your business is a just and cumulative reward.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Jeanie
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 06:16 PM

Thanks, Amos - now I know what it is I'm saying no to !

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 02:53 PM

Since the Do Not Call lists I don't get many, but on the occasion when a commercial caller gives me a spam call, I say, "Are you aware you are in violation of the law, both State and federal? I am on both the State and Federal do-not-call lists. Please give me a phone number to call you back, so the $10,000 fine can be applied."

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 11:11 AM

The one that I use is just so obvious that they hang up straight away and I love it.

I just go "excuse me if I want to but something then I would go and buy it. However I do not want to but things during my evening meal nor do I think that you would good night." That has never failed to get them off the line in a hurry.

You could also use the old "Hello trading standards office" I think that would work quite well too.

I just think if you are in your house then you have every right to be rude to anyone who interups your evening as they know what time it is and know exactly what you will be doing at that time of night and should be prepared for the stick that thay recieve. I know they aer trying to earn a living but I'm trying to eat.

Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: MudGuard
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:37 AM

Thanks, jaze and Stilly River Sage!
To use the phone information number looks like a good idea.
If a company (unnecessarily) wants a phone number in an internet form, I usually use their own phone number...


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:28 AM

Soffit boards are the facing placed over the beam ends of the roof beams -- they follow along the edge line where the roof ends and present a flat surface for 8 inches or 10 inches below the roof. Also sometimes called fascia boards. Replacing them is way to improve the appearance of some older houses, especially if they have been damaged by weather or termites.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Jeanie
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 10:04 AM

I heard people discussing this problem last week on BBC radio. One of the suggestions there was to say "I'm 87 years old" over and over again or, as Otken has suggested, to let them know you are not the home owner (and therefore not the person who would pay for the double glazing, or soffit boards. - I am often asked if I would like soffit boards. What the blazes are they ???). I think it's always as well to be polite (because these kids doing the phoning have one hell of a job) and just say, really early on, before they launch into the 'spiel' that you are sorry but really not interested.

Best solution I found happened by accident, and I've never yet been able to repeat it. My daughter and her friend were making such a racket when the phone rang, that I had no idea who was on the line. I called out to them to keep the noise down, and said "I don't know who it is...sounds like a Scotsman on the phone." It turned out to be someone from BT (and *not* Scots) launching into one of their marketing spiels, asking me all kinds of questions about the phone line - Just as I started to reply, I caught sight of something out of the corner of my eye: two little girls doing very energetic mock Highland dancing and bagpipe impression of Scotland the Brave.... Total collapse into incoherence on my part.... tried to reply....BT man eventually saying "I see I have called at an inconvenient time" and hanging up to get away from the lunacy. Never had any calls them since.

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 09:24 AM

The advent of widespread caller ID has resulted in a change in the way telemarketers place calls. Since it's more likely that a call will be screened than just picked up, many telemarketers use dialing programs that dial several numbers at once. When someone answers one of the calls, it's picked up and the others are disconnected. You can tell when a call is coming from such a system because it takes the operator about a second to connect to the live call. If I answer the phone and have not had a response within one second it's probably a telemarketer so I just hang up. If it turns out to have been a tongue-tied friend, he can call back.

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Leadfingers
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 09:01 AM

I usually try to be polite,knowing that it is some poor bastard who is
just trying to make a living, but when I got a call from B T at five thirtyfive pm on a Saturday with a B T Business Line offer , I must admit I was a bit rude.After all I am NOT nor ever have been a B T business subscriber on my home phone. Another nasty trick is the - Just a minute I will get him for you- then go and put the kettle on to make a cup of coffee.


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Subject: RE: BS: Questions to ask Telphone Solicitors
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 07:49 AM

If someone invades my privacy I get rid of the call immediately. A bright plastic voice starts saying "Hello, this is Mary/John from X" & I hang up. Maybe it's would be more polite to say I'm not interested, but I didn't ask them to interrupt my dinner, or my reading or whatever I'm doing. I don't get many calls as I don't buy stuff over the phone, nor do I enter competitions

sandra


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