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BS: Why can't pickles fly?

GUEST,Eddie Pyle 16 Jan 04 - 12:38 PM
Charley Noble 16 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM
mike the knife 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM
Cluin 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM
Amos 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM
Peg 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 04 - 01:08 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:09 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jan 04 - 01:10 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM
Ebbie 16 Jan 04 - 01:15 PM
Charley Noble 16 Jan 04 - 01:17 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM
MMario 16 Jan 04 - 01:48 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:50 PM
okthen 16 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM
Chief Chaos 16 Jan 04 - 01:58 PM
Walking Eagle 16 Jan 04 - 02:11 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 02:17 PM
Cluin 16 Jan 04 - 02:30 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 02:48 PM
Cluin 16 Jan 04 - 02:56 PM
Charley Noble 16 Jan 04 - 05:16 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM
GUEST,Martin Gibson 16 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 16 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM
Peace 16 Jan 04 - 08:12 PM
Bobert 16 Jan 04 - 08:26 PM
GUEST,Eddie Pyle 16 Jan 04 - 08:44 PM
GUEST,B. Ranston. 16 Jan 04 - 09:27 PM
LadyJean 17 Jan 04 - 12:11 AM
Little Hawk 17 Jan 04 - 12:49 AM
GUEST,Boab D 17 Jan 04 - 06:04 AM
Kim C 17 Jan 04 - 09:27 AM
Charley Noble 17 Jan 04 - 11:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 04 - 12:24 PM
Leadfingers 17 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 01:12 PM
Charley Noble 17 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM
Bill D 17 Jan 04 - 01:24 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 01:31 PM
rangeroger 17 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 02:00 PM
GUEST,B.Ranston 17 Jan 04 - 03:08 PM
GUEST,si 17 Jan 04 - 03:22 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 03:30 PM
Bill D 17 Jan 04 - 04:42 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM
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Subject: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:38 PM

This is a question that's been bugging me for years. I really like pickles, specially the larger ones, like the Polish kind. I don't get why they can't fly. They seem like they ought to be able to to me. I figure this is the place to go to ask such a question, cos you people seem to have all the facts at your fingertips.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM

Because they're too "dill" and there's no point in trying to cure them?

I've been waiting years for someone to ask this question.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: mike the knife
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM

but they will light up if charged electrically...


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM

Who says they can't?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM

They are aerodynamically unsound; but this can be modified.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peg
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM

because they refuse to get fingerprinted.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:08 PM

My God, man! There are vast, sky-darkening flocks of pickles -- sweets, dills, breadnbutters, all of them -- that fly south from their summer homes in the Arctic every year! Not fly?! How do you think they get to their winter homes in the Antarctic -- walk?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:09 PM

they can fly only before they've been pickled. Pickling damages the Icarus cells, and grounds them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:10 PM

I think it's not that they can't...they just don't want to.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM

Your link doesn't work, Bill. I am very disappointed. You owe me and the whole forum a new link.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM

you mean YOU never saw one of those, LH?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:15 PM

Check out the 'Glowing Pickle' fact sheet in Mudcat songs and you'll learn more than you ever dreamed of.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:17 PM

Damn, Bill D., your link to the "winged cucumber" JPG won't work for me. What a crock!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM

doesn't work?? It works here... try the original page

cucumber


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM

Ah. Now I see it. What a glorious sight! If cucumbers can fly surely pickles can fly too. Come to think of it, zeppelins looked almost exactly like enormous cucumbers! This lends weight to the theory of flying pickles...but not too much weight, hopefully, otherwise it could cause them to remain grounded.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:48 PM

Few people realize it , but the reason zeppelins went out of fashion is that they were actually constructed from the shed skins of the adult form of the flying cucumber. Unfortunately the adult flying cucumber has always been extremely rare, nesting only on the bikini islands of the Pacific. None have been seen in recent decades.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:50 PM

in order for pickles to fly, the Icarus cells would have to be rejuvinated. This requires long massages and treatment by sun lamps. If you really want your pickle to fly, heat it up and rub it for a few hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: okthen
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM

Oh how we Brits envy the freedom of our American cousins, any student of modern British politics will tell you Thatcher made flying pickles illegal way back in the 1980's.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:58 PM

For some reason women seem to do better at rejuvenating downed pickles (and cucumbers) with the rubbing technique. I've also heard about some sort of special "dip" treatment but I have never seen it first hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:11 PM

They would never pass the security check. Too much acid which could be used To eat a hole through the flightdeck door, therefore gaining access to the 'deck.

Amos, bees fly even though engineering tests have proven that they can't. Guess someone forgot to tell the bees about these tests.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:17 PM

the old myth is that BUMBLEbees can't fly according to the laws of physics. I don't know that any reputable physicist ever claimed that, but if he did, it was just that he didn't really know how fast their wings beat.

Cucumbers, on the other hand, seldom show THEIR wings, except at mating season.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:30 PM

They do, y'know...

But they're called rods and they move really fast, too fast to see.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:48 PM

Oh, right! But those are only the fastest cucumbers! (as they approach warp speed, their shape distorts)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:56 PM

YES!!

*high 5*

Another mystery solvéd!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:16 PM

Thanks, Bill D! I've just checked your new link to "Da Flying Cucumber" and it is most glorious to behold. It is a pity that we can't have soaring sour pickles as well. But it's probably isn't even Kosher.

Guest Eddie Pyle has brightened my day by starting this thread.

Thanks so much!
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM

(wonder who Eddie is? I knew of Ernie Pyle, the great WWII cartoonist)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM

Eddie Pyle is the instituitionalized son of former U.S. marine Gomer Pyle.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM

Look, Eddie, you gotta get help. I am serious here, eh? If your pickle can't fly, like, get help now, buddy! How old are you Eddie? Have you got a insignificant other to, like, help you out with this problem?

If my pickle couldn't fly, man, I would be in a panic, lemme tell ya. Mine flies every time the eagle screeches. No boast, man...just the truth.

- BDiBR


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:12 PM

I humbly draw the attention of the posters here that you have accepted the premise that pickles CAN'T fly. If you've never seen a pickle fly, then how do you know they can't? Ah HA!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:26 PM

Well, danged!

Pickles fly just fine but...

... don't land too well.

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:44 PM

Well, there have been some helpful comments here, I think. I feel deep in my heart that pickles CAN fly, and I am eager to find evidence proving it. The painting of the flying cucumber is encouraging.

There have also been some useless comments, which I will now address.

Blind DRunk in Blind River: What kind of idiot are you? I don't have to take this kind of stuff from you, you simpleminded jerk! There is nothing wrong with my sexual system. Take your stupid innuendos and inflict them on people who are at your own infantile mental level, if you can find any!

Amos: I am very offended that you think pickles are aerodynamically unsound. That's a blatant misrepresentation. Pickles are so beautifully constructed from an aerodynamic point of view that the North American Auto industry has taken notice in recent years and built many cars which resemble the general shape of a pickle. Note the perfectly rounded front of the pickle, offering the ideal shape to reduce air resistance. Note the long, lean, slightly curving structure of the pickle's fuselage, maximizing strenght, resiliency, and balance. Then note the greatest feature of all...the little bumps! These act as a means of breaking down turbulence and resisting wind shear. I predict that within the next 20 years all high performance fighter planes will sport similar little bumps on their wings and fuselages. Lemons also have such bumps, but lemons can't match pickles as an airfoil because they aren't long enough to maintain directional stability. I demand that you retract your statement, Amos, and admit that pickles are earodynamically almost perfect.

Martin Gibson: I am not institutionalized! I'm one of the founding members of the Loyal Order of Muskrats in my town, and I am a regular churchgoer at the Baptist Fellowship. I have a library card. I bowl on Saturdays and watch football on Sundays (after church). I drive a Ford Aerostar. My daughter is a Varsity cheerleader. What do you take me for? As a matter of fact, I am related to Gomer Pyle, but only distantly. He was a cousin of a great uncle's nephew or something like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,B. Ranston.
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 09:27 PM

Pickles can fly. But the trouble is they fly SO fast they break the sound barrier and are often mistaken for thunder in these parts. I have always known that the distant rumble was really the 6.30 non stop from Epicure.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: LadyJean
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:11 AM

One of the older women working on the Pittsburgh for Dean committee is a real pistol. She says one day she was talking to someone and eating one of those huge dill pickles.
Someone asked the man she was talking to what she was saying, and he said, "I don't know, I was too busy watching her eat that pickle." This sweet old dear once slipped her panties to a mafia boss. You meet the most interesting people in politics.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:49 AM

That's it! They fly so damn fast that no one can see them go by. I also expect that they usually fly after dark, because pickles are discreet by nature. I sure hope the Weekly World News gets hold of this and gives the flying pickle story the kind of coverage it deserves.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:04 AM

They cant fly because they are too drunk.
Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 09:27 AM

No wings?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 11:18 AM

Eddie-

Thanks for checking in. I've enjoyed this thread, and I've learned a lot from it.

My mother used to can sour pickles back when we all lived on the family farm in Maine. It's so nice to be reminded of those by gone days, rocking on the kitchen porch in the evening, listening to the chirps and whistles from the cucumber patch.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:24 PM

I've never seen a pickle fly.
Sometimes I sit and wonder why.
Is it simply for lack of wings?
No. There are lots of other things
that hurtle through the air with ease,
like rockets, baseballs and bee-bees,
that have no wings to them affixed.
How do they do it? What's their trick?

Simple. They're through the air propelled
by forces that come from elsewhere.
A gun, a bat, a rocket engine
supply the energies that send 'em
on their journeys through the air.
Well, dang, that gives me an idear!

Just take a pickle from a jar,
remove your pants and underwar.
Then shove that pickle up your ass
and leave it while sufficient gas
pressure builds up to send it flyin'
across the room! There's no denyin'
that fart-powered pickles can fly!
Just drop yer drawers... Give it a try!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM

Beware the Intercontinental Ballistic Cucumber !


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:12 PM

Well, we've solved part of the UFO controversy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM

Well, another fine song!

But I don't want a pickle,
Just want to ride on my motorsickle...

Next will be the inevitable parody of "The King of Rome."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:24 PM

"Well, we've solved part of the UFO controversy."

oh, then cucumbers fly out of Area 57?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..got it yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:31 PM

Good one, Bill D. Mr Heinz would be proud. And do the newly-married boy pickles take off from Groom Lake?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: rangeroger
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM

It's my understanding that they have to cut the wings off to fit them in the jars.

rr


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 02:00 PM

rangeroger has made a cogent and informed observation. It leads to a question of importance: Is there a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pickles? If not, then BDiBR and I are gonna start one. he doesn't know yet, so let it be a surprise to him, OK?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,B.Ranston
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:08 PM

Then we should march on every chippy in the land, and liberate them from their glass prisons. You may think they sit their on the counter quite happily, but listen next time, really carefully and you will hear the weeping.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,si
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:22 PM

I have a cat called Pickles. I will eject her from a fourteenth floor window later and report back.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:30 PM

So right, B.Ranston. Why, recently, in the aisle of a supermarket, I heard some bread and butter pickles saying, "Would you like a flick of my Bick, sir?" The onions were marinating in their own tears. Where are the protest songs for the lowly pickle? We have bee-dubya-ell's "Ode to the Pickle and Sundry Methods of Propulsion", true, but where are the songs that do for the pickle what Clinton did for the cigar? I ask you! No, I challenge you. Come forth and defend our vinegared friend. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the pickle.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 04:42 PM

brucie...experimental pickles are not allowed to marry! "Groom Lake" is merely where they are taught to LOOK good before a flight! (either that, or it is where depressed Japanese pickle spys go to drown themselves)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM

You know, my knowledge of the pickle world is really limited. I have led a sheltered life. Do any of y'all know some good jokes about pickles? The only one I ever heard was on a record entitled "A Child's Garden of Grass." It went thus: "You may not like dill pickles, but it is after all the only thing you can do with cucumbers." Now, I know that many of you who have not led a sheltered life will challenge that remark (although I would beg to be spared the details (well, if you're brave enough to share, I'm brave enough to read what you write)). Either way, pickle jokes are rare. So are pickle protest songs. Like, why DO sweet pickled onions cause some unfortunate souls to have gas? Why do pickled beets taste so good? Why does Kim Chee taste so good? Why does sauerkraut go so well on hotdogs--especially Montreal steamies? Why am I getting hungry? Stuff like that.


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