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BS: Why can't pickles fly?

GUEST,Eddie Pyle 16 Jan 04 - 12:38 PM
Charley Noble 16 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM
mike the knife 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM
Cluin 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM
Amos 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM
Peg 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 16 Jan 04 - 01:08 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:09 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jan 04 - 01:10 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM
Ebbie 16 Jan 04 - 01:15 PM
Charley Noble 16 Jan 04 - 01:17 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM
Little Hawk 16 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM
MMario 16 Jan 04 - 01:48 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 01:50 PM
okthen 16 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM
Chief Chaos 16 Jan 04 - 01:58 PM
Walking Eagle 16 Jan 04 - 02:11 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 02:17 PM
Cluin 16 Jan 04 - 02:30 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 02:48 PM
Cluin 16 Jan 04 - 02:56 PM
Charley Noble 16 Jan 04 - 05:16 PM
Bill D 16 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM
GUEST,Martin Gibson 16 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 16 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM
Peace 16 Jan 04 - 08:12 PM
Bobert 16 Jan 04 - 08:26 PM
GUEST,Eddie Pyle 16 Jan 04 - 08:44 PM
GUEST,B. Ranston. 16 Jan 04 - 09:27 PM
LadyJean 17 Jan 04 - 12:11 AM
Little Hawk 17 Jan 04 - 12:49 AM
GUEST,Boab D 17 Jan 04 - 06:04 AM
Kim C 17 Jan 04 - 09:27 AM
Charley Noble 17 Jan 04 - 11:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 17 Jan 04 - 12:24 PM
Leadfingers 17 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 01:12 PM
Charley Noble 17 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM
Bill D 17 Jan 04 - 01:24 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 01:31 PM
rangeroger 17 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 02:00 PM
GUEST,B.Ranston 17 Jan 04 - 03:08 PM
GUEST,si 17 Jan 04 - 03:22 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 03:30 PM
Bill D 17 Jan 04 - 04:42 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM
Joybell 17 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM
Peace 17 Jan 04 - 05:32 PM
GUEST,Disgusted 17 Jan 04 - 05:50 PM
Kim C 17 Jan 04 - 06:35 PM
Cluin 17 Jan 04 - 06:36 PM
GUEST,Disgusted 17 Jan 04 - 06:59 PM
Little Hawk 17 Jan 04 - 10:32 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 17 Jan 04 - 10:59 PM
rangeroger 17 Jan 04 - 11:36 PM
Peace 18 Jan 04 - 03:47 PM
Charley Noble 18 Jan 04 - 05:13 PM
GUEST,Disgusted 18 Jan 04 - 05:58 PM
Charley Noble 19 Jan 04 - 10:24 AM
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Subject: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:38 PM

This is a question that's been bugging me for years. I really like pickles, specially the larger ones, like the Polish kind. I don't get why they can't fly. They seem like they ought to be able to to me. I figure this is the place to go to ask such a question, cos you people seem to have all the facts at your fingertips.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM

Because they're too "dill" and there's no point in trying to cure them?

I've been waiting years for someone to ask this question.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: mike the knife
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM

but they will light up if charged electrically...


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 12:51 PM

Who says they can't?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM

They are aerodynamically unsound; but this can be modified.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peg
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:01 PM

because they refuse to get fingerprinted.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:08 PM

My God, man! There are vast, sky-darkening flocks of pickles -- sweets, dills, breadnbutters, all of them -- that fly south from their summer homes in the Arctic every year! Not fly?! How do you think they get to their winter homes in the Antarctic -- walk?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:09 PM

they can fly only before they've been pickled. Pickling damages the Icarus cells, and grounds them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:10 PM

I think it's not that they can't...they just don't want to.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:13 PM

Your link doesn't work, Bill. I am very disappointed. You owe me and the whole forum a new link.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM

you mean YOU never saw one of those, LH?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Ebbie
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:15 PM

Check out the 'Glowing Pickle' fact sheet in Mudcat songs and you'll learn more than you ever dreamed of.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:17 PM

Damn, Bill D., your link to the "winged cucumber" JPG won't work for me. What a crock!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:19 PM

doesn't work?? It works here... try the original page

cucumber


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:27 PM

Ah. Now I see it. What a glorious sight! If cucumbers can fly surely pickles can fly too. Come to think of it, zeppelins looked almost exactly like enormous cucumbers! This lends weight to the theory of flying pickles...but not too much weight, hopefully, otherwise it could cause them to remain grounded.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:48 PM

Few people realize it , but the reason zeppelins went out of fashion is that they were actually constructed from the shed skins of the adult form of the flying cucumber. Unfortunately the adult flying cucumber has always been extremely rare, nesting only on the bikini islands of the Pacific. None have been seen in recent decades.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:50 PM

in order for pickles to fly, the Icarus cells would have to be rejuvinated. This requires long massages and treatment by sun lamps. If you really want your pickle to fly, heat it up and rub it for a few hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: okthen
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM

Oh how we Brits envy the freedom of our American cousins, any student of modern British politics will tell you Thatcher made flying pickles illegal way back in the 1980's.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 01:58 PM

For some reason women seem to do better at rejuvenating downed pickles (and cucumbers) with the rubbing technique. I've also heard about some sort of special "dip" treatment but I have never seen it first hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Walking Eagle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:11 PM

They would never pass the security check. Too much acid which could be used To eat a hole through the flightdeck door, therefore gaining access to the 'deck.

Amos, bees fly even though engineering tests have proven that they can't. Guess someone forgot to tell the bees about these tests.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:17 PM

the old myth is that BUMBLEbees can't fly according to the laws of physics. I don't know that any reputable physicist ever claimed that, but if he did, it was just that he didn't really know how fast their wings beat.

Cucumbers, on the other hand, seldom show THEIR wings, except at mating season.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:30 PM

They do, y'know...

But they're called rods and they move really fast, too fast to see.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:48 PM

Oh, right! But those are only the fastest cucumbers! (as they approach warp speed, their shape distorts)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 02:56 PM

YES!!

*high 5*

Another mystery solvéd!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:16 PM

Thanks, Bill D! I've just checked your new link to "Da Flying Cucumber" and it is most glorious to behold. It is a pity that we can't have soaring sour pickles as well. But it's probably isn't even Kosher.

Guest Eddie Pyle has brightened my day by starting this thread.

Thanks so much!
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:25 PM

(wonder who Eddie is? I knew of Ernie Pyle, the great WWII cartoonist)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Martin Gibson
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM

Eddie Pyle is the instituitionalized son of former U.S. marine Gomer Pyle.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 05:36 PM

Look, Eddie, you gotta get help. I am serious here, eh? If your pickle can't fly, like, get help now, buddy! How old are you Eddie? Have you got a insignificant other to, like, help you out with this problem?

If my pickle couldn't fly, man, I would be in a panic, lemme tell ya. Mine flies every time the eagle screeches. No boast, man...just the truth.

- BDiBR


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:12 PM

I humbly draw the attention of the posters here that you have accepted the premise that pickles CAN'T fly. If you've never seen a pickle fly, then how do you know they can't? Ah HA!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bobert
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:26 PM

Well, danged!

Pickles fly just fine but...

... don't land too well.

Bobert


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 08:44 PM

Well, there have been some helpful comments here, I think. I feel deep in my heart that pickles CAN fly, and I am eager to find evidence proving it. The painting of the flying cucumber is encouraging.

There have also been some useless comments, which I will now address.

Blind DRunk in Blind River: What kind of idiot are you? I don't have to take this kind of stuff from you, you simpleminded jerk! There is nothing wrong with my sexual system. Take your stupid innuendos and inflict them on people who are at your own infantile mental level, if you can find any!

Amos: I am very offended that you think pickles are aerodynamically unsound. That's a blatant misrepresentation. Pickles are so beautifully constructed from an aerodynamic point of view that the North American Auto industry has taken notice in recent years and built many cars which resemble the general shape of a pickle. Note the perfectly rounded front of the pickle, offering the ideal shape to reduce air resistance. Note the long, lean, slightly curving structure of the pickle's fuselage, maximizing strenght, resiliency, and balance. Then note the greatest feature of all...the little bumps! These act as a means of breaking down turbulence and resisting wind shear. I predict that within the next 20 years all high performance fighter planes will sport similar little bumps on their wings and fuselages. Lemons also have such bumps, but lemons can't match pickles as an airfoil because they aren't long enough to maintain directional stability. I demand that you retract your statement, Amos, and admit that pickles are earodynamically almost perfect.

Martin Gibson: I am not institutionalized! I'm one of the founding members of the Loyal Order of Muskrats in my town, and I am a regular churchgoer at the Baptist Fellowship. I have a library card. I bowl on Saturdays and watch football on Sundays (after church). I drive a Ford Aerostar. My daughter is a Varsity cheerleader. What do you take me for? As a matter of fact, I am related to Gomer Pyle, but only distantly. He was a cousin of a great uncle's nephew or something like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,B. Ranston.
Date: 16 Jan 04 - 09:27 PM

Pickles can fly. But the trouble is they fly SO fast they break the sound barrier and are often mistaken for thunder in these parts. I have always known that the distant rumble was really the 6.30 non stop from Epicure.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: LadyJean
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:11 AM

One of the older women working on the Pittsburgh for Dean committee is a real pistol. She says one day she was talking to someone and eating one of those huge dill pickles.
Someone asked the man she was talking to what she was saying, and he said, "I don't know, I was too busy watching her eat that pickle." This sweet old dear once slipped her panties to a mafia boss. You meet the most interesting people in politics.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:49 AM

That's it! They fly so damn fast that no one can see them go by. I also expect that they usually fly after dark, because pickles are discreet by nature. I sure hope the Weekly World News gets hold of this and gives the flying pickle story the kind of coverage it deserves.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:04 AM

They cant fly because they are too drunk.
Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 09:27 AM

No wings?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 11:18 AM

Eddie-

Thanks for checking in. I've enjoyed this thread, and I've learned a lot from it.

My mother used to can sour pickles back when we all lived on the family farm in Maine. It's so nice to be reminded of those by gone days, rocking on the kitchen porch in the evening, listening to the chirps and whistles from the cucumber patch.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:24 PM

I've never seen a pickle fly.
Sometimes I sit and wonder why.
Is it simply for lack of wings?
No. There are lots of other things
that hurtle through the air with ease,
like rockets, baseballs and bee-bees,
that have no wings to them affixed.
How do they do it? What's their trick?

Simple. They're through the air propelled
by forces that come from elsewhere.
A gun, a bat, a rocket engine
supply the energies that send 'em
on their journeys through the air.
Well, dang, that gives me an idear!

Just take a pickle from a jar,
remove your pants and underwar.
Then shove that pickle up your ass
and leave it while sufficient gas
pressure builds up to send it flyin'
across the room! There's no denyin'
that fart-powered pickles can fly!
Just drop yer drawers... Give it a try!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 12:48 PM

Beware the Intercontinental Ballistic Cucumber !


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:12 PM

Well, we've solved part of the UFO controversy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:14 PM

Well, another fine song!

But I don't want a pickle,
Just want to ride on my motorsickle...

Next will be the inevitable parody of "The King of Rome."

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:24 PM

"Well, we've solved part of the UFO controversy."

oh, then cucumbers fly out of Area 57?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..got it yet?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:31 PM

Good one, Bill D. Mr Heinz would be proud. And do the newly-married boy pickles take off from Groom Lake?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: rangeroger
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 01:55 PM

It's my understanding that they have to cut the wings off to fit them in the jars.

rr


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 02:00 PM

rangeroger has made a cogent and informed observation. It leads to a question of importance: Is there a Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Pickles? If not, then BDiBR and I are gonna start one. he doesn't know yet, so let it be a surprise to him, OK?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,B.Ranston
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:08 PM

Then we should march on every chippy in the land, and liberate them from their glass prisons. You may think they sit their on the counter quite happily, but listen next time, really carefully and you will hear the weeping.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,si
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:22 PM

I have a cat called Pickles. I will eject her from a fourteenth floor window later and report back.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 03:30 PM

So right, B.Ranston. Why, recently, in the aisle of a supermarket, I heard some bread and butter pickles saying, "Would you like a flick of my Bick, sir?" The onions were marinating in their own tears. Where are the protest songs for the lowly pickle? We have bee-dubya-ell's "Ode to the Pickle and Sundry Methods of Propulsion", true, but where are the songs that do for the pickle what Clinton did for the cigar? I ask you! No, I challenge you. Come forth and defend our vinegared friend. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the pickle.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 04:42 PM

brucie...experimental pickles are not allowed to marry! "Groom Lake" is merely where they are taught to LOOK good before a flight! (either that, or it is where depressed Japanese pickle spys go to drown themselves)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:20 PM

You know, my knowledge of the pickle world is really limited. I have led a sheltered life. Do any of y'all know some good jokes about pickles? The only one I ever heard was on a record entitled "A Child's Garden of Grass." It went thus: "You may not like dill pickles, but it is after all the only thing you can do with cucumbers." Now, I know that many of you who have not led a sheltered life will challenge that remark (although I would beg to be spared the details (well, if you're brave enough to share, I'm brave enough to read what you write)). Either way, pickle jokes are rare. So are pickle protest songs. Like, why DO sweet pickled onions cause some unfortunate souls to have gas? Why do pickled beets taste so good? Why does Kim Chee taste so good? Why does sauerkraut go so well on hotdogs--especially Montreal steamies? Why am I getting hungry? Stuff like that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Joybell
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:29 PM

I wish I was a little pickle
And I had wings and I could fly
I'd fly away to my false true-lover
And try to pass my troubles by.

and again

Oh had I the wings of a pickle
Far on my pinions I'd fly
Slap bang to the arms of my Polly-love
And on her sweet bosum I'd die.

So you see they used to.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:32 PM

Beautiful. Just beautiful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 05:50 PM

Typical, I'm sick of it, onions, onions, onions, that's all I've heard all my life. Do you think they are the only ones to suffer?
They don't have a monopoly on pain you know.
How about me,I'm an egg and we get pickled too. Ever heard an egg complain? I rest my case.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Kim C
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:35 PM

I used to likke pickled bologna. Can't hardly find it anymore.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Cluin
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:36 PM

I think we just did.

But I really can't blame you eggs for complaining...

1.You only get laid once.
2.You only get eaten once.
3.It takes you 7 minutes to get hard (in boiling water).
4.You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.
5.The only one that sits on your face is your mother.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 06:59 PM

Eggsactly. So sod the onions, they don't know when they've got it good.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 10:32 PM

LOL! Omigod! This thread is surpassing normal expectations altogether. Thank you, Eddie Pyle, thank you!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 10:59 PM

Flippin A, Hawk! This thread is Boss. But hey...I think i heard someone toss a insulut or two in my direction, eh?

Eddie, you flippin' Pyle...you must be the most totally major loser I ever heard of yet! You mean ta tell me that it is REAL pickles wea are taliking about here? The kind in jars??? Gimme a flippin break, Eddie!

You are worse off than I thought. You need a catspan or somethin like that, eh?

What kind of idiot am I? I'll TELL ya what kind of idiot I am...the kind that gets to be a floudnering member of CNUI, that's what! Canadian Nashunal Union of Idiots, to you, dork! That's right! Don't think you will ever qualify for a membership, you flippin dipwad! I bet when you walk down the street people point and laugh. I read your little story about yourself and you know what? You aint got one thing goin' for yourself except this...you got a daughter who is a varsiyt Cheerleader. That rates in my book. S3end her to Blind River, Eddie, and I will put some light in her life which I hardly flippin well think she will get from hangin out with you, LOSER! Put that in your pickle jar!

As for the thing about innuendows...I aint got any of those. I wash when I use pulbic labatorys.

- BDiBR


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: rangeroger
Date: 17 Jan 04 - 11:36 PM

brucie, I was thinking of that quote as I read the first of your post. I still have my copy of "A Child's Garden of Grass".

rr


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 03:47 PM

Hey, Rangeroger. I bet I know what you were doing when you first listened to it. I was doing the same thing. I believe I still have the vinyl copy, but maybe it's come out on CD. God, it was hilarious at the time. But for years after that, we couldn't use the shower curtain rod, huh? Later. BM


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 05:13 PM

Well, verse one is a snap:

In the West End of Derby lives a working man;
He says "I can't fly but me pickles can
And when I set them free
It's just like part of me
Gets lifted up on shining wings."

Anyone want to try another?

Poor little pickled egg. Life's just not what it's cracked up to be. Sure hope he can take a yoke.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 18 Jan 04 - 05:58 PM

No actually I can't. Ever seen an egg laugh eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 10:24 AM

Disgusted-

No, but I've seen them make some wise cracks now and then.

And, come to think of it, I've even seen some hens brood over their eggs.

Back on the farm we used to preserve eggs in waterglass in a huge crock downcellar. When you fished them out months later they were amazingly slimy. Thought you might what to know.

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 12:14 PM

My mother was a hen, don't start on her or you are in big trouble.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 05:56 PM

Disgusted-

Well, you probably didn't drop far from her nest.

My favorite mother hen was the one we placed duck eggs under. When they hatched, the ducklings made a beeline to the frog pond and jumped in. Mother hen was not too pleased about this but she was outvoted 12 to 1 and eventually learned to wade around the edges of the pond catching pollywogs for her weird children. Thought you'd like to know!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Disgusted
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 06:53 PM

Thank you Charley, I have never had a real friend before. Not many people see the merits in talking to a pickled egg, but you are different and I like you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Jeri
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 08:11 PM

Here ya go, Charley:

In the woods of Maine lives a crazy man
He says "I can't fly, but my pickles can
And one day you'll see
I'll set them free
And your pigeons all will hang their heads in shame

Well, Charley had a pickle patch in his back yard
In the pines, where growing pickles was quite hard
But Charley did some dope
And it gave him hope
He'd grow a pickle that could make his dreams come true

There was a champions' race from Isle au Haut
Which wasn't far, as pigeon races go
"Charley, it's a dead veggie"
Charley gave the jar to me
And said "please put this in the mail and send it off today"

On the day of the big race, a storm blew in
It was too windy for it to begin
"Charley, we told you so
Surely by now you'd know
When you do that much dope, not many dreams are true"

"Yeah, I know. But I had to try
A man can count his toes
Or he can let his pickles fly
And if you live out here
Sanity is awful dear
Sometimes you need a lift from silliness"

I snuck back out and from my car
I grabbed that pickle in its little jar
And set it on the roof
"Hey, Charlie, here's your proof
You're pickle's perched upon your house!"

"Come on down, you gherkin king
I knew someone would know, the joke's the thing
Come on down, dilly, down
You made my dream come true"

In the woods of Maine lives a crazy man
But not so crazy, now we understand
For a silly dream
Can make it seem
You're lifted up on laughter's wings


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 04 - 08:22 PM

Jeri-

Weird but good! I think you really nailed this thread.

Now I just may have to learn this song, but there's only so much space left in my brain. I guess several sea shanties will have to be deleted to make room. I have so few songs that really have something to say to the next generation.

What a thread!

Thanks,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 04:55 PM

Looks like folks have bailed out on this thread. I do hope someone else caught Jeri's song.

Refreshing,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 06:27 PM

we were just stunned, Charley....absorbing all that poetry, like a mixture of Zen, Emily Dickenson, and William McGonagall


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 10:38 PM

Charley, I HAVE noticed I can kill threads with a song. I don't know why. I suppose people just stare at the screen, muttering "What the f...?!" and then go on to another thread to chat with the Witchfinder-finder General, or talk about Politics or other things that make more sense.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 10:39 PM

I've been meditating on Jeri's verses and there is either a typo in verse 2 or she was on something stronger than birch beer:

"And it have him hope"

Is probably:

"And it GAVE him hope"

Someone is gonna have to learn this thing and sing it, release it to the world and see where it wafts.

Down, dilly, down,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Jeri
Date: 20 Jan 04 - 10:42 PM

What typo?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 08:34 AM

Bill D-

I'm thinking Dave Goulder. Jeri should try her hand at composing "Alice in Mudcatland."

And the proofreader also is pondering verse 6:

"You're pickle's perched upon your house!"

And here's my new question: "You can can a pickle but can a pickle can can?"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 04 - 02:09 PM

ahh...Dave Goulder! who can doubt the subtle nuances of "The Field of the Willows"

yep..Jeri is right up there with the like of ol' Mr. Dodgson, too, I'd venture! A lass of many facets! Why, in verse 5, she even includes a sanity clause!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 09:11 AM

Well, I guess it's time to put a lid on this thread.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 10:56 AM

No it isn't! I just noticed on the "hamster goes slowly mad" thread that MMario says there are snakes that can fly!!! If this is true then it lends support to the notion pickles can fly too. After all, a pickle is a good deal more aerodynamic than a snake, because it doesn't flop all over the place, but maintains its normal shape and position at all times. If snakes can fly, pickles MUST be able to!

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Sttaw Legend
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 11:00 AM

Unfortunately to obtain a pilots licence is far to expensive for the majority of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 12:15 PM

Jeri...Love the song!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 01:30 PM

Little Hawk-

The same bizarre thought occured to me but I decided to post something more directly appropriate to the current hamster great escape story line.

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 01:41 PM

http://www.flyingsnake.org/


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 04:54 PM

I took too many drugs in the 1960s. This stuff is starting to make sense to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:21 PM

actually, if snakes fly by flattening their bodies, perhaps pickles CAN fly even after losing their Icarus cells...ot at least glide!
Pickles for gliding


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 07:32 PM

Well, by golly...I found the "Flying Pickle Monster"!

Go to this site to see it:

http://www.supah.com/misc/picklefest/picklefest-Pages/Image10.html


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Jan 04 - 08:23 PM

Awesome! What can't you find on the internet?

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Eddie Pyle
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 05:46 PM

Today I saw a gigantic pickle fly right over my property in Happy Jack, Arizona!!! It was awesome! I would say that it was almost as long as a football field, and it looked like a Polish Kosher pickle to me. It was magnificent. I am awed and humbled. I have been vindicated. My life is now complete.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:06 PM

probably a green weiner dog on its way to Heaven...


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Strick
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:11 PM

A former chairman of American Airlines used to brag he saved $2,000,000 by taking the pickle and two olives off the first class meal tray. Of course now they've taken the silverware and more often than not the tray as well, but that's not the point.

I believe that this is why pickles won't fly -- it's a protest. The same goes for olives, of course, but that should be a separate thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: CarolC
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:34 PM

I don't know about pickles, but I can tell you from experience that spaghetti can fly. I've seen it.

What you do is arrange a few strands of cooked spaghetti (I use angel hair, I don't know if it would work with anything else) around on the inside of a metal collander. It needs to be sticky, so don't rinse it off after cooking. Then you wait for them to dry. As they are drying, they stick to the sides of the collander, and then they start to shrink. When that happens, sometimes the force that is created by the shrinking spaghetti being pulled away from the sides of the collander will cause it to break off with such force that it will go flying across the room.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,U.F.O
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 06:44 PM

We can---------------------you just think we can't.

Live in ignorance.

Unidentified Fried Onion.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Hiro Nakishima
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 07:08 PM

scroll down


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 08:46 PM

It's not that pickles can't fly. It's just that there are so many of them on the government's "No Fly List" that it's too much hassle. After being pulled out of line and grilled by airport police and then having nasty things stuck up whatever passes as their assholes, is it any wonder they don't fly?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 11:10 PM

It's actually simpler than all that. Pickles can't fly because Tuesdays are illegal in Bolivia.

Stephen Lee


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Apr 04 - 11:40 PM

But, but ....Tuesday is when they cut Rosewood in Bolivia!

(never mind..VERY 'in' joke among woodworkers.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 03:49 PM

I once saw an egg levitate all by itself.

I had been in the mood for an egg salad sandwich (a craving that strikes once in awhile, I don't know why). I put an egg on to boil and totally forgot it was there. When the water in the pan boiled out the hissing and smell alerted me to my forgetfulness. I walked in the kitchen and observed the egg lift itself about a foot and a half above the surface of the stove, hover for a brief moment and then explode. Burned hard boiled egg all over the kitchen with that lovely bouquet of sulphur lingering in the air.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Apr 04 - 08:52 PM

What probably caused the levitating egg was the dry, overheated pot-bottom flexing upward as it expanded from the heat and bouncing the egg into the air. The same bounce would have probably cracked the shell and caused the ensuing explosion. Neat trick. Next time, make a video.

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Apr 04 - 12:01 AM

Yeah, that sort of thing is definitely worth doing more than once...right?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Trevor
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 12:53 PM

Speaking of Bolivia, I had a very hard time getting good pickles when I was there last year. That may have been due to a disturbance in their migration patterns as a result of El Nino. What do you think?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 01:18 PM

I dunno if they can fly or not but according to Amos THEY GLOW


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Donuel
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 01:47 PM

have you seen the hollywood movie The Pickle? or was it super pickle?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Mrs Olive Whatnoll
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 02:06 PM

I 'ave. It was dreadful. Bloody stupid if you ask me. If pickles could fly, the Poles would rule the world, that's my opinion. Bloody good fing they carn't! The world's in bad shape as it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: jpk
Date: 29 Jul 05 - 05:33 PM

easy,there to darn drunk,why do you think there called pickels,there pickeled,have agood day


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: GUEST,Lois
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 09:09 PM

One can't help but wonder about it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Feb 06 - 10:19 PM

I have reconsidered my entire opinion of pickles. Amos mentioned the following idea on another thread and it has sent me to pondering*.

Our human concept of intelligence is highly biased toward mathematics and language. We assume that any life-form which doesn't do math and doesn't communicate ideas via language is unintelligent. But, that need not be the case. It is theoretically quite possible for high degrees of intelligence to evolve without the constructs of mathematics and language developing.

Enter the pickle. I have concluded that the pickle meets all requirements set out above. Pickles don't talk, don't surf the Web, don't read books, and don't solve quadratic equations. Therefore, pickles are a highly evolved hyper-intelligent life form. They just don't show it.

If they ever learn math so they can do aerodynamics, I'm certain they'll be flying in no time.






*Pondering is an enchanting little town in the hills of northern Alabama. It's quite lovely in the fall. You should go there sometime.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Feb 06 - 05:02 PM

Alabama is one of the few states I have never been to......perhaps I see why.☺


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Mr Red
Date: 01 Mar 06 - 08:13 AM

they can if you put 'em on my plate


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 05:16 PM

It's a question still worth asking.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bill D
Date: 09 Aug 06 - 05:46 PM

'twas answered....


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 12:50 AM

The proof is here . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Stephen L. Rich
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 11:40 PM

Yes, but it leads to the next, and most obvious question:
Can mud fly if mudflaps?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Aug 06 - 11:46 PM

Why not? We park on driveways and drive on parkways.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 03:11 PM

It's clearly time to discuss this subject again!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 03:35 PM

Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust;
If it weren't for the ladies, our pickles would rust.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: MMario
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 03:37 PM

It has lately been theorized that (some) pickles cannot fly because they are not pigs; thus cannot see the wind.

I do note that the topic has hovered primarily around pickled cucumbers, and neglected such items as pickled beets, onion, dilled beans and sauerkraut.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 03:44 PM

oh but they can


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 04:25 PM

I think Mmario's onto something! There's obviously a conspiracy to use pickling to prevent pigs from flying!

It's a simple syllogism:

Major premise: Pickles cannot fly.
Minor premise: Pickled pigs' feet are pickles.
Conclusion: Pickled pigs' feet cannot fly.

So, it follows that if pickled pigs' feet cannot fly, pickling a pig's feet will keep him from flying!

(Sometimes my brilliance amazes me. I only regret that King khandu no longer frequents this forum so he can vicariously bask in my glory.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 06:29 PM

I searched for an old timey thing from my childhood: pickled pig tails. They used to be in every tavern, curled up in a gallon jar like a bunch of skinned snakes. I wanted to share that image with everyone.

Instead I found recipes for fried pig tails, pickled pig ears, pickled pig lips, pickled pig testicles, pickled beets, pickled eggs...but the only picture of pickled pig tails was of a label on a plastic bag from a market.

What is our society coming to, when no one will post a photo of a gallon jar of pickled pig tails? Has civilization declined THAT much?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 06:58 PM

Yes, civilization has declined that much. The places where people once ate pickled pigs' tails and the inebriants that made them want to eat pickled pigs' tails are both part of history.

Can you imagine someone in Starbucks ordering a half-caf grande latté, an organic bran muffin, and a pickled pig's tail?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 07:30 PM

Anyone who has been anywhere knows that the pickle is a wingless vegetable. It cannot fly for the same reason as an ostrich.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 07:53 PM

But, both can dream.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 08:49 PM

Ostriches can't fly? Really, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 08:59 PM

One of the things I enjoy about getting back to Quebec is the availability of pickled tonge. DAMN, that's good.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:00 PM

Lemme tray that again: TONGUE


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:02 PM

Sorry for the thread drift.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:12 PM

"Yuck! You'd eat something that had been in cow's mouth?!?!?"

"Guess you ain't never et no egg, huh?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:12 PM

Pickles can fly. You just have to launch them with enough velocity to escape the atmosphere.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:14 PM

Les Francophone connais le tongue la!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:15 PM

Anyone who has been anywhere knows that the pickle is a wingless vegetable. It cannot fly for the same reason as an ostrich.

Boy, Amos! That one's sooooo full of holes.

In the first place, the winglessness of fruits nad vegetables does not necessarily entail flightlessness. An apple has no wings, but it flies. It flies from the top of the apple tree all the way to the ground. Sure, we humans call it "falling", but to the apple it's "Look, Mom! I'm Flyinnnnnggggg! (THUMP!) Damn, that hurt!"

Secondly, the presence of wings does not necessarily entail the ability to fly. A maxipad has wings, but a tomato flies at least as well.

And an ostrich does have wings, it just also has a one track mind. It gets a helluva running start and then get's so absorbed in running that it forgets to stick its wings out. If it would just learn to multitask a bit it'd probably take off like a rocket.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:32 PM

Rapaire. that bird was close kin to you, a bustard.

Ostriches fly not and their wings are unwinglike.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:41 PM

Bull patooties, Amos! Check out that anatomy, boy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:43 PM

I an usually good at "what comes next" puzzles, but that one puzzled me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 09:54 PM

Ossie the ostrich would like to discuss that "unwinglike" comment with you, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:40 PM

The kinship between you and the bustard is actually very close, but it is not anatomical, but alphabetical, sir.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:44 PM

"A maxipad has wings, but a tomato flies at least as well"

But both of them land with a "splat", and leave about landing site looking about the same.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: frogprince
Date: 09 Jul 09 - 11:51 PM

...the landing site...


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 02:03 AM

My pickle doesn't fly, but it does glow at night.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: TheSnail
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 07:44 AM

Preparing for take off.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:40 AM

Somewhere...a Zoning Board is running from a lynch mob.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Mr Happy
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 11:09 AM

.........pigs might fly!

Seems like they do now since pandemic: 'Swine Flew'??


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 12:06 PM

Rest assured, if pigs do it so will pickles. The Great Pickle Flew Pandemic is coming.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: open mike
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 01:07 PM

the flying acrobats of the Pickle Family Circus

join their classes

see the pickles defy gravity

oh, and BTW piga fly, too.

news flash--this just in--flying pig seen in U.K.

please excuse piggish thread drift


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: SharonA
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 01:48 PM

"Why can't pickles fly?"

Pickle 'em in Red Bull, and then maybe...


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Severn
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 03:21 PM

Still trying to negotiate the Cumberland Gap, are we?

All these years and all these posts and nobody has realized the obvious? Pickles can't fly because they're too cumbersome. Only when totally unencumbered can any of us truly fly like unto the Greek God Piccles (Pronounced Pick-leeze), himself.

Nowadays they're heavier than the old air filled ones before the burpless hybrids were developed. You can't hear them sputtering anymore as they approach, and cucumber patches are no longer required to repair leaks.

"The pickle the litter"-The ones who tried to fly and couldn't and are strewn across the ground like so many expired lemmings waiting to be made into merangue pie? Thus, of course becoming true members of the squash family?

Now, pickles CAN sail and Pickle Day, I believe is celebrated in the UK for the very Pickle that brought news of Nelson's victory.

I should've signed out and come back on as "GUEST George Gherkin", but I guess it's too late now to put this thread above the line.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 03:31 PM

Sev's got his Cumberland belt back on and he's not waisting any words.

So nice to see, Sev.

Is that a cucumber in yer pocket or are you Gherkin me around?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Severn
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 03:39 PM

It's not a Cumberland belt, gnu!........
















It's a cumberbund!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickled kraut fly?
From: Severn
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 03:52 PM

Of course, most are bunned between the mustard and the burger.

Und vee von't confuse it all mit zee German-American Bund, as ve're concerned here mit zee flight of the cumber/pickle und not zee germanation....


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 03:52 PM

Never tried to make a pickle sail, but when I was a little runt on the farm we usually had tons of cucumbers in the garden. Every so often I would make a little dugout canoe of one and mess around with it in the cattle tank.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 04:20 PM

My old granny grew old-time cucumbers, which she made into old-time pickles. I remember her putting those cukes into a stoneware container and then covering them with her special brining mixture. And she did it in a special way: way down on the very bottom was a layer of sliced cabbage which was to be made into sauerkraut. On top of that was a layer of peeled ginger roots, then sliced beets, then a layer of pig's testicles, then a layer of rock salt, then the layer of whole cucumbers. The brining solution was an ancient family secret and she passed away before passing it on.

I do now that it had a base of bock beer, the bocker the better -- sludge was excellent -- and a LOT of salt. Ol' granny'd let that stuff ferment for three months or so, and long about January she'd dig it out "for the men-folk to eat." Grandpa, being no fool, ate all he could stomach BUT he rubbed Limburger cheese under his nose first and smoked a Truly Awful See-gar while he ate. Each time after he was finished he'd chew up a storm on some sort of chewin' tobacco he kept in the garage.

But about the pickles.

They tasted awful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 06:08 PM

Thanks for refreshing this old thread.

It's one of the best!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: frogprince
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 07:38 PM

Repaire, are you sure that was pickles, and not a bad kimchee recipe?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:02 PM

My old granny was German, not Korean. We had never HEARD of kimchee until I went to Korea. I would rather not know about it even now.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: gnu
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:30 PM

Makes you kimill?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 08:41 PM

A bad kimchee recipe? Does that mean there's such a thing as a good kimchee recipe?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 08:11 PM

THAT is painful. I LOVE kimchee.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 09:00 PM

I've heard that there was good kimchee. I just haven't run across any.

There are, you know, two kinds: Summer and Winter. The Winter kind is much more spicy so that you will keep warmer. The Summer kimchee is milder. Both are eaten with nearly everything.

The above paragraph is the truth and nothing but, by the way.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 09:03 PM

Ah, man. The nearset kimchee to here is 300 km away.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 09:51 PM

You CAN make your own, you know:

Ingredients:
        
3 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon pickling salt
6 cups water
2 pounds Chinese (Napa) cabbage, cut into 2-inch squares
6 scallions, cut into 2-inch lengths, then slivered
1 1/2 tablespoons minced fresh ginger
2 tablespoons Korean ground dried hot pepper (or other mildly hot ground red pepper)
1 teaspoon sugar

Instructions:         
(Makes about 1 1/2 Quarts)

1. Dissolve the 3 tablespoons salt in the water. Put the cabbage into a large bowl, a crock, or a nonreactive pot, and pour the brine over it. Weight the cabbage down with a plate. Let the cabbage stand for 12 hours.

2. Drain the cabbage, reserving the brine. Mix the cabbage with the remaining ingredients, including the 1 teaspoon salt. Pack the mixture into a 2-quart jar. Pour enough of the reserved brine over the cabbage to cover it. Push a freezer bag into the mouth of the jar, and pour the remaining brine into the bag. Seal the bag. Let the kimchi ferment in a cool place, at a temperature no higher than 68° F, for 3 to 6 days,until the kimchi is as sour as you like.

3. Remove the brine bag, and cap the jar tightly. Store the kimchi in the refrigerator, where it will keep for months.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 11:11 PM

Peace only likes kimchi because if you pour it on your crotch it will kill crab lice far more effectively than anything you can buy at a pharmacy.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 11:17 PM

He's right about that.


Rap, I have made kimchee before. Slightly different recipe. Thanks though for posting that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 11 Jul 09 - 11:22 PM

Works better than A-200.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 04:03 AM

Ah ha! Got it. The thread premise is slightly askew. They CAN fly. As the graph clearly demonstrates, pickles fly more often than not.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 09:49 AM

Late last night Albert Boorstead got up to let out his Yorkshire terrier, Mitzy, and when he walked out onto the front porch he was struck in the ear by a flying pickle. His wife called 911 and he was rushed to the hospital where efforts are now underway to remove the briny cuke. Reports indicate it's a large garlic dill, and local authorities indicate that this type of pickle is not normally found flying around this far north. Mr. Boorstead's condition is reported as guarded.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 10:26 AM

Could this be the beginning of The Pickles' Revenge? (Please note correct use of the plural possessive.)

That could bring down Civilization As We Know It (such as it is), fulfilling Nostradamus' (ahem! note possessive!) prophecy:

In that same year that the Sun is still
No horse will wear the Triple Crown
Leaves of Red will fall upon the field of ice
And pickles will stick in your ears.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 01:12 PM

Ever since Eddie Pyle drew the public's attention to the phenomenon of flying pickles the number of these incidents has increased annually. There have been 65,012 sightings of flying pickles worldwide in the last couple of years.

Wait. Make that 65,013 sightings! Yes, the reports are coming in even as I speak!

Watch the skies!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 01:48 PM

I hear the sweet pickles are even more dangerous than the dills!


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 01:56 PM

It's Gurkhins that really scare the crap out of me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Charley Noble
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 07:58 PM

I relish sweet pickles!

Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 08:04 PM

Does anyone remember who was called Pickles in a famous comedy show a while back? I never did know if it was done in colour because I only ever had a black and white TV. Heck, that was back in the day that there were more TVs in Canada than indoor toilets.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 09:16 PM

There was a character named Pickles, but I can't recall the context. I was thinking it was in a movie.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 09:25 PM

Maybe, but the one I'm thinking of was on TV. I'm sure about that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 10:32 PM

"The Oblongs" and "Rugrats" both had characters named Pickles.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 10:41 PM

Nope.Theyain'tit.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 11:07 PM

"Pickles" was the wife of "Buddy" (Morey Amsterdam) on the "Dick Van dyke Show".


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Peace
Date: 12 Jul 09 - 11:48 PM

YES!
Thank
you.
Now
I
shall
be
able
to
sleep.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Stringsinger
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 02:58 PM

Because it kosher too much money to buy a ticket.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 09 - 03:41 PM

NOthing dill witted about you, if a crash senshea yewma.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 12:13 PM

Simon Schwartz was out on Lake Palin this morning, about to land what was reported to be a record breaking rainbow trout, when a kosher dill flew by, grabbed the fish off the gaff-hook, and skimmed on off across the lake with it. Mr. Schwartz has threatened to take his deer rifle and go out looking for that "dratted pickle."


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 12:50 PM

Many people don't know that there is a part of Western Civilization that impales pickles and freezes them. Others will make picklesicles from the juice.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 01:42 PM

While in bedroom communities across this great land, bored housewives hum a song about "Just wanna ride on my motorpickle...".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 07:03 PM

Pickle Pastry = Dill-Dough


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 07:21 PM

Because no modern day airline will accept passengers who are not reasonably sober.

Arriving at check-in pickled will undoubtedly lead to postponement, and in serious cases cancellation, of your flight.

This has come about largely as a result of the propensity for rage and/or violence exhibited by those who are pickled.

Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 07:39 PM

You'd think they'd be more understanding, given the overall state of things.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 14 Jul 09 - 07:40 PM

Oh, I see. You mean why the "pickled can't fly!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 10:28 AM

"Pickles" is the noun applied to items which are pickled....n'est ce pas?

Don T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Riginslinger
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 12:43 PM

So if one walks into a bar in the late afternoon, one is apt to meet a bunch of pickles, aye? And who's to say they're not flying?


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: TheSnail
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 12:54 PM

High as a kite.


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Subject: RE: BS: Why can't pickles fly?
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 09 - 04:13 PM

I say, "Judge NOT! Lest ye be judged!"


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