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Bad Christmas music

GUEST,pattyClink 13 Dec 08 - 02:39 PM
Bodbum 13 Dec 08 - 12:29 PM
VirginiaTam 13 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 22 Nov 08 - 03:39 AM
GUEST,leeneia 21 Nov 08 - 11:34 AM
Genie 20 Nov 08 - 10:46 PM
Genie 20 Nov 08 - 10:38 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 20 Nov 08 - 06:32 PM
Acorn4 20 Nov 08 - 03:16 PM
GUEST,Charley O'Neill 20 Nov 08 - 12:55 PM
GUEST,Faye 19 Nov 08 - 02:46 PM
GUEST,guest 19 Nov 08 - 02:23 PM
Jack Blandiver 19 Nov 08 - 01:51 PM
GUEST,jasper 19 Nov 08 - 12:53 PM
GUEST,shelley c at work 24 Dec 03 - 04:52 AM
Dave Masterson 24 Dec 03 - 04:02 AM
RangerSteve 23 Dec 03 - 02:20 PM
PoppaGator 23 Dec 03 - 01:46 PM
Metchosin 23 Dec 03 - 01:27 AM
GUEST 23 Dec 03 - 12:37 AM
Robin2 22 Dec 03 - 10:43 PM
PoppaGator 22 Dec 03 - 12:21 PM
Donuel 21 Dec 03 - 12:09 AM
Haruo 20 Dec 03 - 11:52 PM
GUEST,Chief Chaos 20 Dec 03 - 06:30 PM
GUEST 20 Dec 03 - 12:43 AM
jaze 19 Dec 03 - 09:35 PM
Clinton Hammond 19 Dec 03 - 01:49 PM
PoppaGator 19 Dec 03 - 01:33 PM
Snuffy 19 Dec 03 - 08:51 AM
MBSLynne 19 Dec 03 - 05:54 AM
MBSLynne 19 Dec 03 - 05:47 AM
PoppaGator 18 Dec 03 - 11:12 AM
Mary in Kentucky 18 Dec 03 - 10:55 AM
Dave Bryant 18 Dec 03 - 09:47 AM
RichM 18 Dec 03 - 09:45 AM
Mary in Kentucky 18 Dec 03 - 09:33 AM
Margret RoadKnight 18 Dec 03 - 08:42 AM
Mary in Kentucky 17 Dec 03 - 10:23 PM
GUEST 17 Dec 03 - 09:59 PM
Tattie Bogle 17 Dec 03 - 07:07 PM
RangerSteve 17 Dec 03 - 06:39 PM
Dani 17 Dec 03 - 07:46 AM
Micca 17 Dec 03 - 07:45 AM
The Fooles Troupe 17 Dec 03 - 07:40 AM
Dave Bryant 17 Dec 03 - 06:57 AM
Leadfingers 17 Dec 03 - 06:45 AM
Joe Offer 17 Dec 03 - 02:41 AM
GUEST 17 Dec 03 - 12:17 AM
Clinton Hammond 16 Dec 03 - 11:50 AM
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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,pattyClink
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 02:39 PM

Today I not only had to hear our quartet do the vile "Santa Baby" a couple more times (okay, they sing it beautifully, but the words are SO low-rent), I heard some school is letting 12-year-old girls sing the raunchy thing. Yeeuch. So I must nominate it for The Worst.

My runner up is "Merry Christmas Darling" a la Karen Carpenter which despite a lovely tune is just too smarmy for words.

In the category of fine and worthy-est, I must place in nomination Robert Earl Keen's masterwork "Merry Christmas From the Family" in all its flawed glory.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Bodbum
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 12:29 PM

It's not so much bad christmas songs, it's the problem that once heard you can't get the damn things from running round your head all day.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 Dec 08 - 12:13 PM

SAY NO TO X-FACTOR FOR CHRISTMAS NO.1 - VOTE FOR AN ACTUAL CHRISTMAS SONG!!


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 22 Nov 08 - 03:39 AM

You might like this one..i laughed my ass off!

Twelve Days of Christmas
Warning - Before you send all of the gifts described in the song - "The Twelve Days of Christmas" - read how it can go TERRIBLY wrong... as described by the series of letters written to the gift-giver by the recipient of such lovely Christmas gifts ...

(OR go directly to the expenses for the 12 Days of Christmas)

December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection,
Agnes

December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtledoves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes

December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.
Love,
Agnes

December 17th
Dear John:
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes

December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes

December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially,
Agnes

December 20th
John:
What's with you and those birds? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird crap all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY. So stop with the birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes

December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is cow poop all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me. SMART-ASS!
Ag

December 22nd
Hey Butthead:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers piping. And man do they pipe. They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Ag

December 23rd
You Rotten Dick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those women ladies. They've been with those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of cow dung. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sic'ing the police on you. They know where you are.
One who means it,
Ag

December 24th
Listen, Doormat:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned "ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again.
Those pipers ran through the maids and are now after the cows. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Miss Agnes McCallister

December 25th
From the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem and Howe
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy-Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Dewey, Cheatem and Howe
Attorneys at Law


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 21 Nov 08 - 11:34 AM

Thirty years ago, I moved 600 miles away from my family. The rest of the family stayed close together and could visit one another. After a few years I realized the gifts I sent, cards I mailed and long-distance calls I made were never being reciprocated.

My family didn't give it much thought, but with 20 of them in Wisconsin and me in Missouri, it was 20 against 1, and it was very cold and unfair. So I decided simply to stop giving gifts and sending cards. (I still make calls once in a while, esp. to my sister.)

The beautiful side-effect of all this is that I never shop at Christmastime. I make music with my friends, I entertain dinner guests, and I sing in church. Some years we set up our little ceramic Midwestern town and populate it with toy vehicles. (We actually have a tiny tornado-chase vehicle. Not thrill-seekers. It's from a radio station so it can warn people.) I think my Christmases are much nicer than most people's.

I am particularly thankful that i don't have to listen to

Holly, Jolly Christmas
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
We need a little Christmas

all of which have that irritating, brainlessly-cheerful Broadway tonality.

Finally, I have to say that I have never even heard many of the songs mentioned here. See how lucky I am?


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Genie
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:46 PM

As for bad VERSIONS of songs, I almost forgot:

I love Stevie Nicks - usually - but her recording of "Sah-lunt Night" is one of the most groan-worthy things I've ever heard come over my radio! Gawdawful!

Now when it comes to really bad Christmas SONGS, I second the nomination of "The Christmas Shoes."
But The Beatles' "So This Is Christmas" is not only one of the worst, most Hallmark-card-ish piece of "lyric" doggerel but pretty danged trite musically as well.
What makes it so bad is that it gets played over and over ad nauseum every year!


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Genie
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 10:38 PM

You haven't heard "bad" Christmas music until you've heard Jewel 'singing' Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
-- unless, of course, you've heard Cher's version of O Holy Night. LOL

(Paul Shafer [sp?], on Letterman's show, does a wonderful impersonation of that particular butchering of O Holy Night!)

Genie


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 06:32 PM

Take a listen to Stan Freberg's parody of "White Christmas," "Green Christmas." It is an early harpooning of the "selling of Christmas" by merchants one and all. It dates from the early 1960's, I believe. It brings to mind a description of the various holidays by American author, Daniel Boorstin. He called them "festivals of consumption."


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Acorn4
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 03:16 PM

Come Back, Ebenezer

1.The first Nowell that the angels did say
Was a Noel Edmonds Special upon Christmas Day
All hail to the brain dead forget silent night
Fill up every channel with wall to wall sh**e

Chorus:-
Come back, Ebenezer, when all's said and done,
Put it down to your dry sense of humour
Wheel your trolley to the checkout,
Stick on a false grin
And become a festive consumer.

2.Away in a manger, no crib for a bed,
They've barcoded Jesus stuck a paper hat on his head
Like cattle we're seething let's make the tills ring,
With big mouths and big bums and obnoxious offspring

Chorus

3.Oh come all ye faithful, oh come ye three kings
Bear the gift of Bing Crosby to make us all cringe
Let's all stuff our faces, and loudly get pissed
Unto us is born Johnny Mathis to drive us all round the twist.

Chorus

4.Lets deck all the halls with boughs of holly
Fill up the bars with every rentagob wally
It certainly would have advanced peace on earth
If someone had strangled Cliff Richard at birth.

Chorus

5.Hark the Herald Angels jingle and wassails
Here's a health to the credit card, to Cliff's wallet all hail
And just for a parting gift to all mankind
That f***ing record by Slade for the 3 millionth time


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,Charley O'Neill
Date: 20 Nov 08 - 12:55 PM

Come on man ,there are some good 'uns !

For what it's worth, my top 5-no particuar order-

1. Lennon - Happy Xmas, War is over (Beats his old pal McCartney's dreadfull,'wonderfull christmas time' into a cocked hat!)

2. Bing & Bowie - Little drummer boy -something bizarre and strangely touching about this one, Bowie thought Crosby looked like, 'a little old orange sat on a stool' and Crosby clearly didn't have a clue who Bowie was !

3.Jona Lewis -Stop the Cavalry

4. Pogues & Kirsty MacColl -Come on !!!

5. Slade - Merry Christmas everybody - Yep overplayed, but Noddy sounds like a man having the time of his life and not a sleighbell in sight !!

I'm not a christmas man, but am actually moved by this list. Yer can keep yer Wizzard's and ex Elvis impersonators trading on their christianity for a number one !!

Peace on earth,

Charley.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,Faye
Date: 19 Nov 08 - 02:46 PM

If that Slade song comes on when I'm in a shop I drop whatever I'm holding and run for the door. I HATE it!!!

And damn you for making me think of the ******* thing- it's going round in my head now!!


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 19 Nov 08 - 02:23 PM

A few Christmases back I was on a bus on the way to a Christmas party. The bus was fairly empty -- it was round about shop-closing time -- and things were very quiet. Up at the front of the bus sat a little group -- it looked like grandmother, mother and small son. The kid was about 4. He had obviously enjoyed his trip and the rhythm of the bus was mellowing him out. He was happily singing away (fairly loudly) to himself. His choice of song? "Please, Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas". All the other passangers had their hands over their mouths -- what a hoot!

But still, it's a very bad song!


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 19 Nov 08 - 01:51 PM

Bad as in good; let nothing ye dismay!

http://www.myspace.com/jinglebrass


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,jasper
Date: 19 Nov 08 - 12:53 PM

Alright this band has just put the cherry on top of Terrible Christmas music cake!!!!!!!!!

They have single handedly destroyed what little hope for Christmas music was left. Christmas will never be the same if this gets popular.

Get your Barf bags out if you choose to listen

www.kasiokristmas.com

or

www.myspace.com/kasiokristmassong


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,shelley c at work
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 04:52 AM

I used to work in a shopping mall, and I can tell you that any Christmas song becomes hateful once you've heard it every 30 mins on a loop day after day.
But the worst ones were the ones specifically written for shopping malls, with lyrics designed to make the unwary just spend more money. There was a particularly ghastly one with the lyric 'Lots and lots of lovely presents for all my favourite friends'. I can still remember it, even though its been nearly 20 years since I worked in the mall.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Dave Masterson
Date: 24 Dec 03 - 04:02 AM

Eileen and I were in Maidstone a few weeks ago – it was the usual pre-Christmas rugby scrum, assailed on all sides by seasonal 'music' (debatable). We entered one shop to be met by a TV suspended from the ceiling, playing a video (presumably for sale) of a spotty child singing carols, out-of-tune, with subtitles. At that point I breached my 'insincerity threshold'…..


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: RangerSteve
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 02:20 PM

Wow, this is the first thread I ever started where the number of entries reached merited being shown in blue. Thanks.   

Here's my Blue Christmas update: I turned on the radio on Saturday to hear the last two lines sung by a bluegrass group. I don't know who they were, but it may have been as bad as Elvis' version. That evening on a live weekly country music concert where I perform, one of the groups did the dreaded song, but I was backstage and only heard the end. But, then, on Sunday, at a monthly gospel show where I also perform, it showed up again. The pastor, concerned that there might be some duplication of carols, decided to permit non-religious Christmas music, probably assuming that no one would want to sing depressing songs. He was wrong. Getting back to Saturday afternoon, the same radio show where I almost heard the bluegrass version of BC, featured Daddy Don't get Drunk, but I managed to turn it off after the first three words. Unfortunately, there seems to be a wealth of sad country songs, mostley concerning dead or dying orphans, or as the DJ called them, Miserable Children songs. But, still, no Elvis singing BC. Only two and a half days left. Maybe I'll be lucky.

Oh, yeah, I heard Dominic the Donkey, but remain ignorant of "Christmas SHoes". One more song to dread.

May your days be merry and bright, and free from BC by Elvis.
Steve


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: PoppaGator
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 01:46 PM

This just in -- on the radio as I type (not "bad" so much as "unconventional"):

"Santa Claus is smokin' reefers / Santa Claus is smokin' tea.."

Sounds like 1930's, boogie-woogie piano and vocals. Hopefully, they'll announce the artist before long.

....[20 minute delay]...[no announcement]...[calling the station]...

The title is "Santa's Secret," sometime listed under the name of Slam Stewart (bassist), other times under the name of the vocalist Johnny Guarnieri, can be found on a Savoy (label) Christmas CD.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Metchosin
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 01:27 AM

Guest 12:37 was me. Someone described this song as a badly sung, manipulative, lump of treacle. I think I'd agree with that.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Dec 03 - 12:37 AM

The Cat Carol....ugh. If you haven't heard it yet, count youself lucky, all others pale by comparison.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Robin2
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 10:43 PM

The song that has annoyed me the most this year is "Santa Claus is Coming To Town", by the Jacksone Five. Seems I've heard it EVERYWHERE!

Don't trash "Jingle Cats" too soon. It's a hoot if you have cats around the house. I put the CD in, and watch all of my cats come into the room, with their stiff legged "intruder cat" posture, wandering around trying to find the cats that are invading their domain. What a snort!!

Robin2


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: PoppaGator
Date: 22 Dec 03 - 12:21 PM

Mea culpa -- I *really* should have posted some critical info to this thread last week.

A couple of the volunteer on-air characters at WWOZ, New Orlean's community jazz/blues/roots rastion station, put on an annual bad-Christmas music extravaganza every year on the Friday evening before the Big Day. So of course, this year's edition, which ran for over three hours, has already taken place and my telling you about it now is really too late.

Since the station is available world-wide on the internet (www.wwoz.org), perhaps someone out there would have taken the opportunity to listen in, if only I had posted the info in time.

In any event, one selection that I had never heard before, and that I really enjoyed, was "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire." It featured dead-on impressions of the Chipmunks AND David Saville AND Nat King Cole while narrating a fairly complicated plotline incorporating a fair amount of sly irreverent humor. I'm sorry to read that GUEST, above, put this on his/her list of least favorites.

They also played a recording of recently-deceased comic actor Art Carney's recitation of "A Visit From St. Nicholas," accompanied only by a jazz-style drummer. The effect was *very* much like current-day rap, but it was recorded in 1956, before many rappers were born; I suppose it was inspired by beat-poetry spoken-word performances. A day or two later (sometime during the weekened), NPR broadcast a feature on the same record. This not only means that some of you may have heard it on your local public radio station (if in the US), but also that anyone who cares to can look it up at www.npr.org and give it a listen.

I'm finding it difficult to remember what else among the many other parodies, novelties, and unintentionally humorous "bad" selections made me laugh, but one in particular stands out: the "What's It To Ya Chorus" (parody of Hallelujah Chorus, of course).


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Dec 03 - 12:09 AM

A little rum 'n boy
----------------------------------------------------------------------
{The Little Drummer Boy}

Man I need me
Some Extra strength Tums
I ate some turkey
and some extra strength tums
Then I had dessert
and extra strength tums
and ninty proof egg nog
Pa rum pum rum pum,
Rum pum rum pum,
rummy pum rum

So not to offend
Pa rum rum rum rum
I had more rum
Some rum and tums yum
Now I'm queasy
Some rum and tums yum
I had some fruit cake too
Some rum and tums yum
Oh no they want to sing
Some rum and tums yum
I got heart burn
thats fit for a King
Some rum and tums yum,
rum 'n tums yum,
rum 'n tums yums.

Here's a drink for you
Some rum 'n tums yum
Got some gum?

Mary nodded
Some rum 'n tum gum
The ox and lamb kept time
Some rum 'n tum gum
I sang my guts out then
Pa rum pum pum pum
I sang my best for them
Some rum 'n tum gum,
rum 'n more pum,
rum 'n more pum
Then they smiled at me
Pa rum pum pum pum

Me and my run


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Haruo
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 11:52 PM

All you Little Drummer haters, do you feel the same way about "Patapan"? (BTW the new Esperanto Christmas album CD "Kristnaska Kordo" from "Akordo" has this among many others.

I recently heard "Six White Boomers" for the first time, and was enthralled. It's in the DT I think.

Haruo

Haruo


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST,Chief Chaos
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 06:30 PM

If you think you've heard the worst you really need to hear Leroy The Redneck Reindeer. It covers the territory of bad Christmas music as well as a Christmas parody. Although I am proud of being a southerner this one hits below the belt.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 03 - 12:43 AM

This has been the year for truly horrid Christmas songs. I've heard, "I want a hippotamus for Christmas", which is horrid, "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire" Whic is sick, and "Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey," which gives bad Italian songs a bad name.

Incidentally, I'm on this thread as Guest, and I don't know why. I don't understand this internet thing.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: jaze
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 09:35 PM

"Christmas Shoes" falls into that category of... I heard it once, I'm glad I heard it once. Now I NEVER want to hear it again!


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 01:49 PM

" But Clinton, you surprise me-- I think I have out-grinched you on this topic!"

And yer PROUD fo that?

See... I like X-mas... and for the most part, I like X-mas music...   Sure some of it (o.k.. a lot of it) is trite and cheesey... But so frigg'n what? Ya wanna be all serious and stuffed shirt all frigg'n year? Let yer hair down a bit... have some nog... and take off that stupid tie! Put yer feet up... pull my cracker and crack my nuts! We'll sing a few songs, badly... have way too many cookies... hit on each others significant others under the mistletoe...

Ya know... have a good time?? Heard of it?


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: PoppaGator
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 01:33 PM

I used to really hate "Winter Wonderland," but ever since I first heard the Bobs' parody "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear, " I can't help but smile whenever I hear that old melody.

(Lyrics have been posted within the last week or so -- probably in the current thread "Christmas Parodies.")

Another tune from the same era that I continue to dislike: "Silver Bells." I need someone to write a really nasty parody before I can start enjoying that one.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Snuffy
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 08:51 AM

The best UK Christmas number One was Lily the Pink, but not Christmassy at all.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 05:54 AM

Ooops! Sorry about that last one, my fingers were cold and hit the wrong thing.
I loathe Winter Wonderland and Frosty the Snowman, and, as someone else said, any Christmas song played too early...certainly before the beginning of December. I used to like all the carolly sort of things that got played but I hate the junk they play in shops these days. Part of the total devaluation of Christmas.
Jonah Lewie's (sp?)Call the Cavalry really irritates me, because I hear it every Christmas, and the only thing that makes it a Christmas song is that it says "I wish I could be home for Christmas" once, and it was a Christmas hit. I suppose I should be glad they don't play "Long Haired Lover from Liverpool" which was also a Christmas hit! on the other hand Classic FM has been playing some really lovely Christmas music just about every other track, and I did hear "Ring out Solstice Bells" in Tesco.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: MBSLynne
Date: 19 Dec 03 - 05:47 AM


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: PoppaGator
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 11:12 AM

I can't believe it's been 3 days since I checked this thread. In response to M. Ted's query of 2:30 pm 12/15, yes, he's right, the song I was thinking of (as a *good,* not bad, nouveau-Xmas tune, performed annually on the Lettterman TV show) was indeed "Christmas, Baby, Please Come Home," and the artist is Darlene Love, not Ronnie Spector.

Someone mentioned really hating "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," for which I have a special affinity. I've been working as Santa Claus at the local mall for the last couple of years (see member-photo section), and I pick out tunes on a one-octave C-major toy xylophone between visitors. The situation is somewhat reminiscent of my streetsinger years, even though I'm not singing, only playing, and the indoor mall "crossroads" is only a pale imitation of a real streetcorner

As you might imagine, establishing an instant rapport with young mothers of small children is part of the job, and my instrumental rendition of "I Saw Mommy..." never fails to bring a few new customers quickly out of the woodwork. I call it my "subliminal advertising," and my coworkers (photographer and cashier) get a good laugh out of how well it works.

The dinky little plastic box with metal keys has a nice "chimey" sound, and is surprisingly loud and resonant. The acoustics are probably enahanced by my position directly below a large pyramidical skylight. For the record, other numbers in my xylophone repertoire:

Joy to the World (*very* well suited to the instrument)
Deck the Halls
Rudolph (including the "verse," or intro, since last year when one six-year-old berated me for not including it!)
Jingle Bells

The absence of sharps, flats, and notes above and below the single octave make it impossible to play all the Christmas tunes I'd like. When crowds are thin, I don't hestitate to noodle around and experiment, trying new tunes and even playing a few that I *know* I can't play perfectly because one or two notes are just not there -- like:
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen (in D-minor -- can get all but one note)
Mel Torme's Christmas Song ("Chestnuts...") -- I can play several whole sections, but not the whole thing.

******************

Must add to the "nice" list of enjoyable non-traditional seasonal songs: something playing on my radio at this very minute:

Louis Armsrong's "'S That you, Santa Claus?" followed by his "Christmas Time in New Orleans."


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 10:55 AM

I mean John Rutter. My first post was late at night and a bit muddled. I don't link him with Bad Christmas Music; I was just responding to Lanfranc who had mentioned him.

Tell us about singing under his baton...but maybe another thread so he won't be linked to Bad Christmas Music!


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 09:47 AM

Mary, do you actually mean John Nutter or do you really mean John Rutter who is a UK composer of mainly church music and who was one of the compilers of the "Carols for Choirs" series of books ? I've sung under his baton a few times and quite enjoyed it, but there are many other MDs who I prefer. I love his Requiem and many of his hymn and carol arrangements though, and would hardly link him with Bad Christmas Music.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: RichM
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 09:45 AM

some excellent examples of bad xmas music here. I think 90 percent of what passes for xmas music is bad!
Our bluegrass group ( http://www.back40.ca/band.html )did a christmas party last week for a special needs organization, and we did (I confess!)include some xmas tunes...only once a year, Thank He whose birthday we celebrated...

But Clinton, you surprise me-- I think I have out-grinched you on this topic!

Rich McCarthy


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 09:33 AM

Make that John Rutter.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Margret RoadKnight
Date: 18 Dec 03 - 08:42 AM

Tiny Tim singing "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth" ..... truly excruciating!


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 10:23 PM

Lanfranc, I saw John Nutter on TV this evening. (I had never heard of him before.) I would love to sit in on one of his singing "classes." His energy and enthusiasm reminds me a bit of Leonard Bernstein. The interviewer said that some people think his work is too sugary, fairy dust trails after it. I haven't heard enough to have an opinion.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 09:59 PM

How could any of you forget to condemn "Feliz Navidad" It's got everything bad about it. Bubbly and happy. Repetitious as hell. And its half in a foreign language making you wonder if your not singing the wrong thing (and perhaps saying something positively dirty). Add to it that there's a new version by Celine Dion. There's something amusing about a French Canadian singing a song in Spanish. Somehow they made it even happier. Yechhh! By the way, there's an even worse version of Blue Christmas by Jon Bon Jovi. I can't remember which carol it is but the Pretenders do a version of it with Chrissie Hind singing flat through a good deal of the song.
I don't much care for Christmas Shoes myself


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:07 PM

Lots of "bad" ones on the Cd "Bah Humbug" but more in the category of bad, mad and very funny if you've got a black sense of humour, e.g. "I'm the man that slits the turkeys' throats at Christmas" adn "Santa Bloody Claus".


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: RangerSteve
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 06:39 PM

Micca, that was almost as bad as the 12 Days of Xmas that you posted, but not quite. Keep them coming.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Dani
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:46 AM

Hey, now, Joe. You know I wasn't paying attention in class when you taught us Midis. I will, however, learn the tune from the sheet music, and sing it to anyone willing to call me!! That's my MO, and I'm sticking to it. 'Least 'til I have some spare time to learn this stuff.

Dani


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Micca
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:45 AM

and just when you thought I had had a "Good taste transplant"
Try here


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 07:40 AM

I remember cats, and the barking dogs songs.... only just ... think they did a "Christmas" one too - and then "Simon and the Chipmunks"....

but those things always remind me of Stan Freburg and the shepherd with his singing sheep... he hit them over the head with his crook and they each went baaaa in tune....

Robin


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 06:57 AM

What about "When Santa got stuck up the chimney".


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Leadfingers
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 06:45 AM

Leadfingers dons his Pedant hat to inform you that Tom Lehrers song is actually entitled 'A Christmas Carol'.And if any one wants the dots I can do a copy from the Hardback book published in 1958- and No
I Dont have a First edition.
We had our Christmas do at Uxbridge last night - Carols in the bar -
A Good Time Was Had By All, Despite some one singing 'I Saw Momma Kissing Sant Claus' which I think qualifies for a nomination for worst Christmas song.


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Joe Offer
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 02:41 AM

Dani, are you saying you want me to transcribe the tune for Lehrer's "Christmas Time"? Heck, that tune is four pages long, a veritable concerto! I'll tell you what: I e-mailed a scan of the song to you, so YOU can transcribe it and send me a MIDI.
Good luck.
-Joe Offer-
joe@mudcat.org


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: GUEST
Date: 17 Dec 03 - 12:17 AM

My sister gave me "Meowy Christmas By The Jingle Cats" when it came out. If you haven't had the bad luck to hear it, some genius spent nine months recording his several cats meowing, then spliced the meows into Christmas songs and carols.

We played it for our cousin John Caldwell. I will never forget, John, who loves Bach heard cats meowing "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring". "He spent nine months making that," John said. "He needs something else to do."


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Subject: RE: Bad Christmas music
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 16 Dec 03 - 11:50 AM

I kinda like Robert Earl Keen Jrs song...

Maybe ya hadda grow up there to get it...


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