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BS: Nest - Empty or full?

artbrooks 21 Nov 03 - 04:00 PM
Amos 21 Nov 03 - 03:48 PM
Morticia 21 Nov 03 - 03:41 PM
GUEST,MMario 21 Nov 03 - 02:56 PM
Amos 21 Nov 03 - 02:49 PM
Alaska Mike 21 Nov 03 - 02:31 PM
open mike 21 Nov 03 - 02:03 PM
GUEST,MMario 21 Nov 03 - 01:47 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: artbrooks
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 04:00 PM

Huuummm...when older daughter graduated from high school, we moved (job) and bought a house with one less bedroom. When other daughter graduated from high school five years later, we moved (job) into government quarters...with one less bedroom. When I retired, we moved again...and have one less bedroom. Somehow, the issue hasn't come up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 03:48 PM

LOL, Morty! MM, I can only suggest that such parents are seriously out of communication if their expectations are that far out of synch with their actual results.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: Morticia
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 03:41 PM

Hmmmm, well,Pixie moved home after university while she takes thinking time to decide what to next and earning time to finance it. I did not expect her to come home but was pleased that I have her for another year or so .....after that, who knows?

My son left a few months ago....I don't know when I will see him again but I think, aside from holidays,I probably won't.On the other hand, I thought that a year ago and in he moved ( again) so once again, who knows?

I appear to have VNS (variable nest syndrome).


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Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 02:56 PM

That's what floored me about the thread on the other forum- was the parents who were posting who expected their kids to just move back in - and were devestated when they didn't.


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Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 02:49 PM

MM:

Barky is off at the Conservatory most of the year and decides for herself what she will do in between semesters, with a certain amount of input from us. But when she graduates we expect she'll be making her own head of steam in the world. But she will always have a place under our roof if she needs it -- we just don't expect she will.

Of course, partly, that depends on the economy, as Mike points out. But IMNSHO, a parent should stand ready to watch fledglings fly, even over the horizon if that is what it comes to. You generlaly get as good a return in communication as you invested earlier.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: Alaska Mike
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 02:31 PM

Hi Mmario, we have five children ages 27, 25, 23, 21, and 20. The only one that has not moved away from home is the 20 yr old. He decided not to go to college yet. He works full time, pays a trifle for room & board and seems quite happy to be where he is.

When my eldest finished college she got an apartment and started working full time. When her student loans came due, she moved back in with us to reduce her expenses so she could pay off her loan. She is planning on moving out again in the spring of 2004.

My second child got married at 17 and moved to Germany for three years. She and her family now live in Anchorage in their own house and visit with 2 of my grandchildren once in awhile.

My third daughter went off to college in Pennsylvania and had almost finished her bachelor's degree when she too ran out of money and moved back home. She is also working full time and living at our house and will probably go back to finish her degree next fall.

My 21 yr old son got married last year and he and his family (1 grand daughter) recently moved down to Oregon where he has not been able to find a job. They are thinking of moving back to Anchorage or perhaps further south to New Mexico.

So currently I have 3 adult children living at home and 2 living on their own. I'm not sure how this compares with others, but I am very glad to have 4 of my kids close enough to see nearly every day. I talk to my son in Oregon quite often and will be ready with the checkbook if he should need a helping hand.

Our children are the greatest thing to ever happen to my wife and I. We are devoted to them in every way. Our children are intelligent and confident in themselves. Although each is quite different, they all possess compassion, inquisitiveness and an understanding of right and wrong. When they choose to fly away, I am saddened and excited for them at the same time. We have never pushed them into things, and we always try to assist them in whatever they decide to do.

Best wishes,
Mike


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Subject: RE: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: open mike
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 02:03 PM

my nest is empty empty empty..
in the last couple of years
my parents left this world,
my husband is now my ex
and both daughters are on
their own . This is a lot
of change to process.
I am proud and
glad that the kids have gone
(or are going) to college.
I expect that they will
continue moving on their
own paths which are likely
to be away from, not towards
thier parents.
roots and wings...
roots and wings...
now is my opportunity
to try my wings..
flap flap flap


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Subject: BS: Nest - Empty or full?
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 21 Nov 03 - 01:47 PM

Question for people - another forum I'm on has a lengthy (for that forum) thread on the heartbreak a mother is feeling when her 22 year old daughter chose not to move back into the family home after having been away at college for four years.

this was certainly not an expectation my parents had - nor, as far as I know any of my siblings with grown children... (not that "flown" children wouldn't be welcomed back under most circumstances- but they aren't expected to move back)

Most of the people commenting on that thread are reporting similar feelings to the original poster (and similar expectations)

Now I know it's tough letting them out to "fly on their own" - but do many/most parents expect grown kids to stay in the family home?

Of course my folks always stated their intention to have us settle coast to coast as an excuse for them to travel in their retirement - *grin* which they have done - but as far as I know so were most if not all of my friends encouraged to go out on their own. Is it a generational thing?


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