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BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs

GUEST,moggy lover 30 Jul 03 - 11:14 PM
GUEST,Thespian 30 Jul 03 - 11:17 PM
Stilly River Sage 31 Jul 03 - 12:45 AM
catspaw49 31 Jul 03 - 01:26 AM
Helen 31 Jul 03 - 01:42 AM
catspaw49 31 Jul 03 - 02:06 AM
Metchosin 31 Jul 03 - 03:16 AM
Deckman 31 Jul 03 - 03:31 AM
Grab 31 Jul 03 - 08:27 AM
sian, west wales 31 Jul 03 - 08:46 AM
Alba 31 Jul 03 - 09:11 AM
gnu 31 Jul 03 - 09:46 AM
katlaughing 31 Jul 03 - 10:27 AM
JenEllen 31 Jul 03 - 10:56 AM
Metchosin 31 Jul 03 - 11:17 AM
Metchosin 31 Jul 03 - 11:19 AM
beadie 31 Jul 03 - 11:23 AM
Bill D 31 Jul 03 - 12:09 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 03 - 02:17 PM
Emma B 31 Jul 03 - 02:38 PM
Raedwulf 31 Jul 03 - 03:25 PM
Stilly River Sage 31 Jul 03 - 03:36 PM
Gareth 31 Jul 03 - 03:44 PM
Emma B 31 Jul 03 - 04:18 PM
katlaughing 31 Jul 03 - 05:17 PM
Kim C 31 Jul 03 - 06:38 PM
Gareth 31 Jul 03 - 06:51 PM
GUEST,petr 31 Jul 03 - 08:05 PM
GUEST,travellin' Catter 01 Aug 03 - 11:00 AM
katlaughing 01 Aug 03 - 12:35 PM
ard mhacha 01 Aug 03 - 01:03 PM
Nigel Parsons 01 Aug 03 - 03:53 PM
Padre 02 Aug 03 - 12:34 AM
GUEST,McGrath of Altcar 02 Aug 03 - 06:29 AM
Billy the Bus 02 Aug 03 - 07:41 AM
Bert 02 Aug 03 - 10:43 AM
Ebbie 02 Aug 03 - 05:35 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 07:47 PM
Little Hawk 02 Aug 03 - 10:30 PM
GUEST,anonymous by choice for this 03 Aug 03 - 01:27 AM
Inükshük 03 Aug 03 - 07:06 AM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 03 - 11:42 AM
katlaughing 28 Oct 04 - 01:23 AM
fat B****rd 28 Oct 04 - 03:24 AM
GUEST,CrazyEddie 28 Oct 04 - 10:48 AM
Dave the Gnome 29 Oct 04 - 08:01 AM
GUEST,John O'Lennaine 29 Oct 04 - 09:11 AM
Blissfully Ignorant 30 Oct 04 - 12:51 AM
Genie 31 Oct 04 - 01:11 AM
The Fooles Troupe 31 Oct 04 - 05:40 AM
JennyO 31 Oct 04 - 09:08 AM
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Subject: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,moggy lover
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:14 PM

This is from a cat calendar:

If you gave wings to a cat, it would not condescend to be a bird.
It would be an angel."

- Dick Shawn -


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,Thespian
Date: 30 Jul 03 - 11:17 PM

"If you gave wings to a cat, there would be no birds." Harry Lee Wigley...1852


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:45 AM

"The fog comes in on little cat feet. . ."

Robert Frost.

Around here, with the way the cats thunder through the house on those little feet, that fog bank would be a thunderstorm. :)

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 01:26 AM

"OUTSIDE OF A DOG, A BOOK IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND;
INSIDE A DOG IT'S TOO DARK TO READ"
- Groucho Marx

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Helen
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 01:42 AM

You're no-one until you have been ignored by a cat.

(found on a coffee mug)

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: catspaw49
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 02:06 AM

A personal favorite:
"A dog's life is too short. It's their only fault really."...... Alice Turnball

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 03:16 AM

"The good Lord in his ultimate wisdom gave us three things to make life bearable, hope, jokes and dogs, but the greatest of these was dogs." ...Robyn Davidson


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Deckman
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 03:31 AM

You had to see it to appreciate it, I'm told. Here in the Seattle area, it was 98 degrees today. That's pretty damned hot for this cool country. I gave up trying to work in my woodshop when the temp went over the 100 degree mark. When "Bride Judy" got home from work, I was sleeping on the grass, on my back, wearing only shorts, in our very private courtyard. Our wonderful kat "Kissa Poika" was snuggled up beside me. Judy said she couldn't figure out who was snoring the loudest! CHEERS, Bob


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Grab
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 08:27 AM

"If cats looked like frogs, we'd understand what nasty, cruel little creatures they really are." - Terry Pratchett, 'Lords and Ladies'

"$£%&ing cats shitting on our garden, and their $%&£ing inconsiderate bastard owners!!!" - Me, roughly every week when we have to clean up after them

You may have guessed that I sing "Nobody's Moggy" with real enthusiasm, as I pray for the same fate for the little bleeders that their owners allow to run wild in our area...

Graham.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: sian, west wales
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 08:46 AM

To a dog, you're Family. To a cat, you're Staff.

sian


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Alba
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 09:11 AM

"I've seen a look in Dog's eyes, a quick vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically Dogs think Humans are nuts" -John Steinbeck

"A Cat pours it's body on the floor like water. It is restful just to see Him" - William Lyon Phelps.
JD


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: gnu
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 09:46 AM

I just had a good laugh. I was doing a building inspection where six cats are living. My client petted one large orange tabby tom and the cat was relly enjoying it. When my client stopped and pulled his hand away, the tom, as if to say, "I wasn't finished being petted.", swiftly sank a set of claws in the back of his hand and raked him good... lots of blood. I couldn't control my laughter.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:27 AM

Never ask a hungry cat whether he loves you for yourself alone.

Dr. Louis J. Camuti


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: JenEllen
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 10:56 AM

"That dog is a black blurred ghost. Black electricity. Yet he is still a dog and to more fully appreciate his love, consider his simple dog brain. A brain the size of a walnut. If we could fly above it, it would resemble a map of the USA composed of six states: A Texas for eating, a California for humping, a New York for the olfactory center, a Maine for pooping and pissing, a Rhode Island allowing him to fetch and shake hands, and finally an Alaska of love--love for the master or mistress."~~~David Bowman


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 11:17 AM

"All knowledge, the totality of all questions and all answers, is contained in the dog." ...Franz Kafka

"A long time ago, dogs were regularly mistreated - unfed, unloved, and abused. So they gathered together and wrote a letter to God, selected a messenger dog and inserted the letter inside him below his tail - so he would not drop it when he ate or barked, for the journey would be long and hard. Generations passed and the dogs are still waiting. That is why they sniff each other - they are searching for God's reply!"....Chipas Folklore

All quotes from a book by Raymond Merritt and Miles Barthof entitled 1000 Dogs, probably the most incredibly moving collection of photographs I have ever seen, regarding any topic.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Metchosin
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 11:19 AM

correction...... "Miles Barth"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: beadie
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 11:23 AM

CAT :: . . . . The other white meat.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Bill D
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 12:09 PM

Your dog thinks "Look at all the wonderful things my humans do for me, they must be Gods!"

Your cat thinks "Look at all the wonderful things my humans do for me, I must be a God"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 02:17 PM

"Mm-mm, good!" -- Campbell's Soups.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Emma B
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 02:38 PM

Most cats, when they are Out want to be In and vice versa, and often simultaneously
Dr Louis J Camuti

A cat isn't fussy - just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate from which he will take it, and eat it off the floor
Arthur Bridges

Dogs come when they are called; cats take a message and get back to you
Mary Bly


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Raedwulf
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 03:25 PM

"That's mine, this is mine" (whilst spraying scent everywhere) - (The) Cat, from Red Dwarf


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 03:36 PM

"It's time to go to bed," complains my white cat, Mowgli, around 11 each evening. "Stop what you're doing and come sleep on your bed so I can sleep next to your feet."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Gareth
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 03:44 PM

"You never own a cat, you merely feed it" from God knows where !

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Emma B
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 04:18 PM

You own a dog but you feed a cat
Jenny de Vries

The trouble with sharing one's bed with cats is that they'd rather sleep on you than beside you
Pam Brown

Only cat-lovers know the luxury of fur-coated musical hot water bottles that never go cold
Susanne Millen


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: katlaughing
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 05:17 PM

Re' Mets' Chipas Folklore story: if a dog sniffs a cat's "rosebud" he's looking for dinner, fresh with no grits from the litter box!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Kim C
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 06:38 PM

There was a quote from Samuel Butler, which I don't remember verbatim - but it goes something like, the greatest thing about a dog is that when you make a fool of yourself, he'll make a fool of himself right along with you.

One Christmas I gave my brother a photo I had taken of his little schnauzer Gar (short for Gargoyle) wearing a Santa hat, with that quote in calligraphy.

There was something else from the very old days, from one of the poets - something about dogs possessing all of man's virtues with none of his vices.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Gareth
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 06:51 PM

And, so far as I am aware, an original or two.

"Genetic Modification will never be aceptable - Untill they make a Dog that eats grass, and p****s creasote"

"I Don't mind taking the Dog for a walk to the pub, but I wish the B****r would buy his round"

The late 'GUTO' was notorious in the 'Royal Oak' for drinking the contents of any glass left within his reach !!!

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,petr
Date: 31 Jul 03 - 08:05 PM

dog poetry.

are you gonna eat that?
are you gonna eat that?

I could eat that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,travellin' Catter
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 11:00 AM

Nice one, petr. Reminds me of somedog I know....

'Tis sweet to hear the watch-dog's honest bark
Bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw near home;
'Tis sweet to know there is a eye will mark
Our coming, and look brighter when we come."

~Lord Byron


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: katlaughing
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 12:35 PM

Paraphrase from today's comics:

What do you call a duck who gets a good tune out of a mandolin?
















A PLUCKY DUCK!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: ard mhacha
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 01:03 PM

Around the 1940s, March was when the dog licence was due, it was a half a crown but this figure was way out of a lot of the poor dog owners reach.                                                             I was always in fear that my dog would go the way of some other poor hound, I was lucky as my father took a chance that the local RUC man was as blind as he was stupid looking.

Thus arose the saying, " Die dog or shite the licence" . Ard Mhacha.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 01 Aug 03 - 03:53 PM

From the BBC radio programmes for schools (circa 1961/2):

"It's raining cats, It's raining dogs,
It's pouring from the skies.
'Tis fine for fish, 'tis fine for frogs,
But oh, poor butterflies"

(And I think I still have the music book somewhere!)

Nigel


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Padre
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 12:34 AM

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." Robert A. Heinlein

"Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people..." Sigmund Freud

"If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die, I want to go where tthey went" Will Rogers


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,McGrath of Altcar
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 06:29 AM

Kennel three
Bury one.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:41 AM

Sunday 12 February 1659/60 "...So to bed, where my wife and I had some high words upon my telling her that I would fling the dog which her brother gave her out of window if he [dirtied] the house any more." - Samuel Pepys

There's a discussion on Phyl Gifford's Pepys Diary site.

Cheers - Sam (who does like cats and dogs, except when they are descending from heaven)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Bert
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:43 AM

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
- Mark Twain


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Ebbie
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 05:35 PM

It has often occurred to me that if cats were three times larger than they are, they would not be allowed in the house or near children and small dogs.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 07:47 PM

The basic facets of a dog's existence:

# 1 - If it moves, kill it or hump it.

# 2 - When's dinner?

# 3 - If it doesn't move, eat it or pee on it. Maybe hump it too...and if it REALLY STINKS TO HIGH HEAVEN, roll in it good and proper.

# 4 - Don't poop on your own lawn if the neighbour's is accessible.

# 5 - When's dinner?

# 6 - Check out the scent of anything first. The scent is 98 per scent of the whole story. Then move to rule # 1, 2, etc...

# 7 - When's dinner?

# 8 - No amount of barking is ever really too much.

# 9 - When's dinner?

# 10 - No amount of sleeping is ever really too much.

# 11 - When's dinner?

# 12 - AWRIGGGHHHTTT!!! DINNER!!! (Gulp! Slorp! Glop! Bolt!) (URP!)

# 13 - Was that (*Urp*) all???

# 14 - Start over at # 1 and repeat indefinitely until death...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Aug 03 - 10:30 PM

Some more tenets of the canine existence:

If it touches the floor it's mine.

Theft is entirely justifiable, because possession is 99 per scent of the law. In fact, upon possession hang the Judges, the Law, and the Prophets.

The worse I smell, the more attractive I am.

I will always show you lots of close physical attention, specially when I'm wet or covered in dung and carrion which I have recently rolled in. This is because I love you.

To err is human, to forgive is canine.

Cats are living proof that Satan exists and is in control of planet Earth. That is why I intend to wipe them out.

You can get a skunk before he gets you if you're fast enough, but it takes a lot of practice...

Same with porcupines.

Dogs never need baths. Disabuse yourself of the mad notion that they do and we'll get along much better in future.

I pity you people, I really do. All that time wasted fussing around with worthless, meaningless objects that can't be eaten, staring at a flickering noisebox, jabbering incomprehensibly at each other... Why do you do it? Why not just nap instead?

So when's dinner?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,anonymous by choice for this
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 01:27 AM

"They eat pretty good, if'n you're hungry enough" by a crusty sergeant in 'Nam.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Inükshük
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 07:06 AM

Cardinal rule for dogs:
If you can't eat it, or hump it; piss on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:42 AM

Another common dog thought: "God...I am soooo bored. Why does nothing ever happen around here? When's dinner?"

This is the common lament of older dogs, who have passed the optimistic stages of crazy puppyhood and libidinous young adulthood, and have settled into the daily grind of ordinary domestic life. Their attitude is "Been there. Done that." They are eternally disappointed with life, except at mealtimes.

Some cats are like this too, specially the housebound ones, but they're a bit more sarcastic about it, since they figure "I'm okay, it's everybody else who's nuts." Dogs are usually a bit troubled by obscure guilt feelings, and the thought that maybe they are not okay. They lie around and worry about it. As they worry, their little eyebrow bumps move up and down fitfully.

Dachshunds and bassett hounds are superb at doing all of the above.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 01:23 AM

If cats seem distant and aloof, it is because this is not their native planet -- they are here just to visit and dominate.
- Hank Roll -


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: fat B****rd
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 03:24 AM

"I was thinking to myself, the other day, how man is a superior species when I tripped over the cat which was asleep in front of the fire as I set off for night shift at the glue works" More or less word for word from a real philosopher. Ken Dodd.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 28 Oct 04 - 10:48 AM

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening.
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains.
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys.
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

From "The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Elliot


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 08:01 AM

It was raining cats and dogs. I stood in a poodle...

:D


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: GUEST,John O'Lennaine
Date: 29 Oct 04 - 09:11 AM

It's unspeakably cruel to tease a dog, but teasing a cat can be really funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Blissfully Ignorant
Date: 30 Oct 04 - 12:51 AM

In all other areas i'm a cynical b*****d, but i just wuv my ickle puppies and kitties, yes i do, yes i do.... whos the cutest ickle thing EVER? My ickle snookums....aw....ain't they cute...? AWAWWWW!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: Genie
Date: 31 Oct 04 - 01:11 AM

OK, if I've botched it, somebody please give me the CORRECT rendition of this gem:

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

And who said that?
W C Fields
Mark Twain
Winston Churchill
other?


§;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 31 Oct 04 - 05:40 AM

Sounds like Spike Milligan...


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Quotes about Cats and Dogs
From: JennyO
Date: 31 Oct 04 - 09:08 AM

Groucho Marx


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