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BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?

Noreen 13 Sep 03 - 05:38 AM
McMusic 13 Sep 03 - 04:16 AM
Jack the Sailor 12 Sep 03 - 08:11 AM
GUEST,Ms Guided 12 Sep 03 - 06:50 AM
CarolC 11 Sep 03 - 03:04 PM
GUEST 25 Aug 03 - 06:48 PM
ToulouseCruise 25 Aug 03 - 02:20 PM
GUEST,Mishell Baker 25 Aug 03 - 01:45 AM
hesperis 24 Aug 03 - 11:38 PM
Ebbie 06 Aug 03 - 06:53 PM
GUEST,heric 06 Aug 03 - 06:32 PM
Kim C 06 Aug 03 - 03:41 PM
GUEST,heric 06 Aug 03 - 01:56 PM
Sam L 05 Aug 03 - 07:46 PM
GUEST,heric 05 Aug 03 - 05:10 PM
GUEST 05 Aug 03 - 04:48 PM
Ebbie 05 Aug 03 - 04:33 PM
GUEST,heric 05 Aug 03 - 04:20 PM
GUEST,heric 05 Aug 03 - 04:06 PM
Sam L 05 Aug 03 - 04:01 PM
Kim C 05 Aug 03 - 03:20 PM
akenaton 05 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM
Amos 05 Aug 03 - 01:51 PM
Jeanie 05 Aug 03 - 12:15 PM
akenaton 05 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM
Ebbie 05 Aug 03 - 01:22 AM
Amos 05 Aug 03 - 12:05 AM
akenaton 04 Aug 03 - 08:43 PM
Ebbie 04 Aug 03 - 08:25 PM
akenaton 04 Aug 03 - 08:09 PM
Amos 04 Aug 03 - 08:03 PM
Sam L 04 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM
akenaton 04 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM
Peter T. 04 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM
Helen 04 Aug 03 - 05:42 AM
Amergin 04 Aug 03 - 02:14 AM
Amos 04 Aug 03 - 12:01 AM
Helen 03 Aug 03 - 11:41 PM
Kim C 03 Aug 03 - 09:03 PM
Helen 03 Aug 03 - 07:55 PM
rock chick 03 Aug 03 - 06:09 PM
akenaton 03 Aug 03 - 01:49 PM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 12:44 PM
Kim C 03 Aug 03 - 11:02 AM
akenaton 03 Aug 03 - 10:25 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 10:23 AM
Sam L 03 Aug 03 - 10:00 AM
Amos 03 Aug 03 - 09:59 AM
akenaton 03 Aug 03 - 06:57 AM
DMcG 03 Aug 03 - 05:03 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Noreen
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 05:38 AM

Jack t S: wasn't the warm feeling caused by the colonoscopy?

(Sorry!)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: McMusic
Date: 13 Sep 03 - 04:16 AM

Haven't. Doubt that I will.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 08:11 AM

We met here and talked online and by phone.

I knew when I was about to have a colonoscopy and she offered to come 750 miles and care for me. I declined the offer but I had a warm feeling for weeks afterward.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Ms Guided
Date: 12 Sep 03 - 06:50 AM

Haven't yet or rather thought I might have,thought I knew and he did when he met someone else. C'est la vie


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: CarolC
Date: 11 Sep 03 - 03:04 PM

Looks like I've missed some good threads the last few months while my internet access has been severely limited.

We met right here in the Mudcat. Our first contact was in this thread. We spent the following year getting to know each other in IMs and on the phone. "Knowing" was a sort of gradual process, but I was pretty sure by the time he showed up at my door and we met face to face for the first time.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 06:48 PM

I don't suppose this will help !

My first love got in touch after 15 years. He says it was love at first sight for him. He had forgotten that after one night together we didn't see each other for three months, during which time he could have phoned me but didn't. Funny that.

He has also got a whole lot of other things wrong ... like where & how he proposed. And he thinks we were happy all the time we were together. It's quite funny. There must be 5 sides to every story !


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: ToulouseCruise
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 02:20 PM

*sigh*

Follow up to earlier posting by me... I guess I didn't KNOW afterall, or at least she didn't... anyways, it didn't work out. No worries, I'll just have to change topic to When WILL you KNOW?

still a believer love can overcome you like a wet blanket,
Brian.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,Mishell Baker
Date: 25 Aug 03 - 01:45 AM

Hi... Looking over these stories I'm just amazed. I've never understood the "love at first sight thing," truly.

The first time I met my true love, I thought he was a dork. Didn't fall in love with him until we'd already been best friends for a year and I saw the fascinating person that lurked within his geeky exterior. By then he'd figured out I was way too immature to have a relationship with. So for six years we stayed friends, grew closer and closer and closer, and then finally he outgrew his Vulcan demeanor, I outgrew my selfishness, and his newfound passion met my newfound responsibility in just the right place. Also, he'd been working out. ;-)

We fell in blissful, mutual love. And the nine years of friendship, a friendship that survived even though we moved across country a total of six times between us, took our new passion and gave it a foundation so rock-solid that now I know nothing will ever tear us apart.

I never would have had the courage to commit to someone who hadn't already stuck through me through thick and thin, and loved me through some of the most shattering changes of my life.

-Mishell


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: hesperis
Date: 24 Aug 03 - 11:38 PM

So far, the only "knowing" I've done is that the ones I was going out with weren't "the one". I guess that discernment is important as well, though.

There are, however, several friends who I know will be in my heart forever.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:53 PM

heric, I suppose the reason I referred only to my #1 is because I don't want there to be a #2. I don't regret marrying the first time- after all, I got a daughter out of it- but I'm better off single and I'm glad that I realized that long ago.

On the other hand, I love happy endings!


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 06:32 PM

Aaah, this is a thread for women and for men with delusions of self-determination!


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 03:41 PM

Well, I would venture to say that sometimes one person Knows and the other doesn't...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 06 Aug 03 - 01:56 PM

When I get me a handle it may be Threadkiller. I wasn't trying to put you on the spot or hit a nerve I hope you know. I just was making a joke about the next thread in the sequence, i.e. whether it would be "When did you KNOW it was the NEXT one" or "When did you KNOW he wasn't the one After All, or whatever. (The former is of some interest to me, in fact. I face the "choice" of LH's loving life versus loving number two, with the demographics predicting a 50:50 split.)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 07:46 PM

Is this why my wife has started introducing me to people as her "first" husband?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 05:10 PM

My confusion, though, memberEbbie, came from the way you refer to "The One" as someone you left in the dust, as if number two was never contemplated. (Which is fine, of course. Just surprised me.)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:48 PM

I was at my desk at work, looked up and saw this man striding through the office. His posture was perfect and simply radiated confidence; he also a headful of black curly hair and the merriest eyes. I was 18 and captivated. He was married and in his mid-forties. A few years later he was divorced and we began dating. I moved in and after spending a year talking about everything under the sun we decided we knew enough about each other to marry. I'm now middle-aged and he's in the twilight of life. His remaining hair is white and one eye is clouded with a cateract but it doesn't matter. When I look at him the years fall away. His eyes still twinkle and it's wonderful to be caught up in his arms, dancing to the kitchen radio.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:33 PM

Sorry, Guestheric. My question was meant as "how soon did you KNOW that THIS is the one"?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:20 PM

Well duh now I see the teaser was in the opeing verse. So the major question for me would become, what was the first moment when I knew WHAT? Because I have learned an awful lot since the first moment I thought I knew something.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:06 PM

Ebbie you are confusing the beejeezus out of me with your first and last posts. Did you launch the opener with the sequel in mind?


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 04:01 PM

LOL Fred! You kill me!


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 03:20 PM

I actually DO have knitting to do! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 02:55 PM

Youve got the right idea Jeanie...Unfortunately all the wrinklies would be jumping over cliffs the day before their 75th....Amos iv four boys ,all grown and who knows if weve made agood job of them or not.Personally I think kids grow up as"society" wants them to,not as their parents would like.As i think you generalise too much,Ill tell you a wee story about a woman who lived next door when i was young.   She had six children all by different fathers and when asked to marry she always said "No man will rule me". the children were loved more than any others in our area by their mother and certainly returned that love . they all grew up well adjusted and did fine in life.    Iv also seen kids suffer terribly in "bad " marriages...Ake


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 01:51 PM

Oh, sorry -- I didn't recognize the colloquialism. I will say this: bringing children up on an unstable social footing, not knowing where or who their parents are, is a serious disservice to many chi9ldren. Some of them meet the challenge, but others are dinged significantly by it.

So if your scheme involves bringing kids up in a musical chairs environment, I would say we should go back to the drawing board. My 2 cents' woirth anyway -- have you raised children, yourself?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Jeanie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:15 PM

Which way does your over 75 age limit work, akenaton ? Is it that once you reach 75 you have to re-apply and be approved by a government department ? Or is it that nobody should be allowed to get married until they are over 75 ? (I favour the latter option !!)

- jeanie


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 08:55 AM

Sorry Amos,I didnt mean to be personal. Its an old Scottish insult only used to friends and people you like.    As for the marriage Question, iv had a wee think and maybe an age limit for taking out a marriage license (like a motor car) would be a good thing.   I would suggest --Over 75......When all you want is somebody to warm your feet on.    And another thing... this thread is one of the most interesting on the Forum at the moment and shouldnt be addressed in cliches      Best wishes Alex...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 01:22 AM

ake, I'm sorry- I think I didn't make it clear. I meant that if I felt that way about my marriage (or anything else) I'd be long out of it. And then of course, it occurred to me that I had felt like that about my marriage and I did leave. OTOH, I realize there can be other factors that keep a relationship going.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 03 - 12:05 AM

Akenaton:

I have more than knitting to away to, thanks. No need to get personal.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:43 PM

Good for you Ebbie..Short and sweet...Familiarity breeds complacency.. Rave on...Best Wishes A.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Ebbie
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:25 PM

Ake, if I felt that way, I'd be long gone. Come to think of it, I am.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:09 PM

Amos....Awa tae yer knitting...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 08:03 PM

Akneton:

Choose the ideal you like, mate; but allow others the same privelege, eh? There's nothing enforced about family values IF you are choosing the path freely and creating it intentionally as a preference. The assertion that your life should be other than you have lived it is just you being disagreeable with your self and resisting your own design decisions. I know very well what that feels like, and I agree it can be compelling (at least until you spot where it is coming from!). But it shouldn't be confused with a higher truth!! :>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 07:49 PM

Thanks Akenaton, I'm not hating my style, lately, as much as I usually do.

It seems to me that the "family values" people go on about are more or less the ones invented by rather hypocritical 19th century English moralists.

But I'm still liking my deal, very much. For one thing, I'm quitting my job soon, and she's making some real money this year. For another, she laughs at my jokes. For another, other women are cute as hell, but they smell wrong. It's not that I'm not utterly charmed, but it's not worth all the trouble. Couldn't they all just mail me some nude photos, and write me a letter? I have things to do.

   We sometimes think it would help to marry a third person though. Or adopt a kid with good prospects, who can cook, has a lot of energy, likes to "keep busy". (Turns out there's a waiting list.)Also, with new people there's all that insecurity crap, all that tending, and sensitivity. I'm done with that chore. My wife was telling me about her boss's age, and said But she still looks youthful, she's attractive, and I said Sure, I'd do her. Lynne just said Well, Yeah--like that was any mark of distinction--and went right on talking.

Sex has always been pretty important to me. But it's a myth that people are just bad, good, and better. Maybe some people are really terrible, but maybe that's just how they are with you. One person with any talent has lots of variety.

Women like to think they're sensitive, on the basis that they want YOU to be sensitive to THEM. That's not sensitivity. The really sensitive women are the sluts. They're the ones who think of other people's feelings. Every kind, generous, decent woman has a slutty phase, sometime. If you know one who hasn't had a slutty phase, or if you are a nice woman who hasn't, just wait.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:23 PM

I think youre all rather missing the point. Marriage was brought about To provide society with the means to control people. This is why politicians are still banging on about "family values". Iv been married for a long time ,and as I near the great finishing line,Iv come to realise that life is short and should be packed with as many new experiences as possible. I know couples who have melded together and become quite insulated from life, living in their own safe little world. (Darby + Joan).I feel our Traditional music is full of song s about people who lived life on the edge. Free as the air, and taking their pleasures where they could.....That should be the ideal not some mouldy compromise.    Ake..


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Peter T.
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 06:05 PM

The only thing true to life about High Fidelity or the rest of Nick Hornby is that the men he depicts are recognizeable aspects of intelligent single middle class men at their worst. Like Bridget Jones -- intelligent single middle class women recognise themselves at their worst. They wouldn't be funny caricatures if they were more realistic.

yours,

Peter T.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 05:42 AM

I might have given the impression that the movie High Fidelity just shows men wanting sex and not real relationships. The clue is that John Cusack is in it. It's actually quite a good depiction of a real man (not a Hollywood caricature) searching for a real relationship and coming to terms with the complexities of the quest for true communication between men and women in relationships.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amergin
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 02:14 AM

If I just wanted sex i'd go hire a prostitute...I want companionship...some one to talk to...laugh with...to share things with...like susnets or beaches...


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 03 - 12:01 AM

Interesting. I would offer that men really want to have their best brought out of them, and admired, by women. And may be for some men, that's their sex, for others it is a mix of brains, sex and emotion, and I guess what that means for men is an individual deal. Heterosexual men, anyway, not being qualified to speak to other sorts.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:41 PM

Kim C,

I watched a good movie recently called High Fidelity, with John Cusack. In the special extra material on the DVD there was an interview with John and he said that he thought that only men would like the movie and that women would hate it. But, many women have said to him that they are happy that at last men have made a movie about what they really want, and how they really feel.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:03 PM

heehee! I'm glad a man finally admitted that thing about What Men REALLY Want. Of course, if you have a good committed relationship, in the best of all worlds, you would be able to get It most of the time, with someone you like. That ain't too bad of a deal. But of course, Real Life usually enters into it somewhere, and kids, and work, and all that. But still, I say, it ain't too bad of a deal. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Helen
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 07:55 PM

akenaton,

I found my freedom when I found the right person for me.

I had been in a previous relationship where we clicked in all the most negative ways, and it was very painful once we were entangled together, and extremely difficult in the aftermath, for many years after. I realised that an effective way to gauge the healthiness of a relationship is to look at how each person affects the other one. Right from the start we really brought out the negatives in each other.

When I found my then-to-be-future hubby we clicked in very, very positive ways. We bring out the best in each other. And it is a real relief to be myself, be appreciated for that, and be able to encourage someone else to be the best he can be too.

It's a strange paradox, that the most freedom anyone can get IMHO is to become committed to someone else, if that someone else loves and appreciates you for who you really are.

Helen

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: rock chick
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 06:09 PM

We meet through Mudcat, he replied to one of my threads, we just talked over the cat for a time, then over the phone, we decided to meet and within less than 15 mins we knew there was something VERY special. Initially there were few problems with other people, but nothing has put either of us off.

It's very strange to think you can have that strange unexplainable click with that person in such a very short time, and know its special, but it does happen, and when it does hit you, WOW its one hell of a feeling.

We have only been seeing each other since November 02 and it gets stronger each time we meet, and grows even more when we are apart, he lives up north and me down south. He is the love of my life, and i know im am his.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 01:49 PM

That was brilliant Amos..allthough I knew about the story of D+J,I didnt realise that there was a poem...We should be honest about our relationships...Women like a challenge, they latch on to all the wild men and try to change them...If they succeed they are pissed off because their left with a mammys boy..The most important thing to us men is of course sex and any man who tells you he loves committment and all that stuff is either lying through his teeth, or been got at by some control freak with big boobs....Any way i could go on forever in this vein so ill go before the monsterous ranks descend. P S I wonder if Gargoyle would help me in this one man war against the sugary cake and syrup machine...Ake


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 12:44 PM

A Victorian image of an old, quiet, harmonious couple, based on a poem by Frederic Edward Weatherly (b. 1848)

 

Darby and Joan



 
DARBY dear, we are old and gray,
Fifty years since our wedding day,
Shadow and sun for every one
As the years roll on;
Darby dear, when the world went wry,

Hard and sorrowful then was I—
Ah! lad, how you cheered me then,
Things will be better, sweet wife, again!
Always the same, Darby my own,
Always the same to your old wife Joan.

Darby, dear, but my heart was wild
When we buried our baby child,
Until you whispered "Heav'n knows best!"
And my heart found rest;
Darby, dear, 't was your loving hand
Showed the way to the better land—
Ah! lad, as you kiss'd each tear,
Life grew better, and Heaven more near:
Always the same, Darby my own,
Always the same to your old wife Joan.

Hand in hand when our life was May,
Hand in hand when our hair is gray,
Shadow and sun for every one,
As the years roll on;
Hand in hand when the long night-tide
Gently covers us side by side—
Ah! lad, though we know not when,
Love will be with us forever then:
Always the same, Darby, my own,
Always the same to your old wife Joan.

 Regards,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Kim C
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 11:02 AM

Who are Darby and Joan? Besides, a lot of folk music is written about relationships. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:25 AM

Fred I like your style...the black clouds are lifting.Maybe weve just got old as Amos says,butI still think that all the music we love espouses freedom and liveing life to the full(Think of allthe Thompson songs like Beeswing ect) Love should be short and very sweet,even better,   Bitter sweet....Thanks for your support. Ake.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:23 AM

Kim,

I have met perrhaps ten or twelve people in the course of a lifetime about whom I had the distinct impression that I was wuith them at the Battle of Hastings or somethiung comparable. Sometimes it is perfectly clear exactly when. Usually it is merely an obscured impression, albeit a strong one.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Sam L
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 10:00 AM

That's funny Akenaton, and I know how you feel. But the point of free thinking is that you don't have to prove it to anyone. When people talk about "the institution of marriage" I tell them we thought it was our idea.

   Deda that's how it used to be--long ago marriage was the only sacrament that didn't require clergy, and painters used to get portrait commissions to document the moment. That would work for me, if it came back.


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 09:59 AM

"Cutting edge folk site"? Bit of an anachronistic oxymoron, wouldn't you say?

Hey man, free thinking, independent, yeah. But just a bit better organized than thirty years ago, by necessity. Cheer the fuck up. Time moves on.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: akenaton
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 06:57 AM

Is this a cutting edge folk site or a Darby and Joan club...
Where are all you Bohemian folkies that i used to know.We were all so proud of being free thinking independant types...I feel so depressed
    Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: How did you meet? When did you KNOW?
From: DMcG
Date: 03 Aug 03 - 05:03 AM

My wife and I celebrate 25 years married in September. While its not fully accurate for our story, I think the FIddler on the Roof version isn't too far out.


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