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BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter

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Rapparee 17 Jul 03 - 10:20 PM
Amos 17 Jul 03 - 10:24 PM
katlaughing 18 Jul 03 - 03:22 AM
MudGuard 18 Jul 03 - 03:37 AM
Dave Bryant 18 Jul 03 - 06:16 AM
Grab 18 Jul 03 - 08:32 AM
Little Hawk 18 Jul 03 - 10:09 AM
Amos 18 Jul 03 - 10:20 AM
Noreen 18 Jul 03 - 10:50 AM
Gareth 18 Jul 03 - 11:01 AM
GUEST,MMario 18 Jul 03 - 11:05 AM
GUEST,Desdemona at work 18 Jul 03 - 11:53 AM
Amos 18 Jul 03 - 11:56 AM
GUEST,leeneia 18 Jul 03 - 12:04 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Jul 03 - 12:13 PM
GUEST,leeneia 18 Jul 03 - 12:20 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Jul 03 - 12:26 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Jul 03 - 12:27 PM
DMcG 18 Jul 03 - 12:47 PM
GUEST,MMario 18 Jul 03 - 12:53 PM
Mudlark 18 Jul 03 - 01:26 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 03 - 01:40 PM
Amos 18 Jul 03 - 02:34 PM
Liz the Squeak 18 Jul 03 - 03:08 PM
clueless don 18 Jul 03 - 04:44 PM
Chief Chaos 18 Jul 03 - 04:56 PM
Amergin 18 Jul 03 - 05:18 PM
GUEST,pdc 18 Jul 03 - 06:01 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 03 - 06:09 PM
Liz the Squeak 18 Jul 03 - 06:10 PM
TheBigPinkLad 18 Jul 03 - 06:27 PM
EBarnacle1 18 Jul 03 - 06:41 PM
Liz the Squeak 18 Jul 03 - 06:42 PM
Liz the Squeak 18 Jul 03 - 06:44 PM
TheBigPinkLad 18 Jul 03 - 06:48 PM
McGrath of Harlow 18 Jul 03 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 18 Jul 03 - 08:53 PM
Nancy King 18 Jul 03 - 10:16 PM
Liz the Squeak 19 Jul 03 - 03:02 AM
Bassic 19 Jul 03 - 04:30 AM
Bassic 19 Jul 03 - 04:34 AM
Hillheader 19 Jul 03 - 08:09 AM
Rapparee 19 Jul 03 - 08:28 AM
Hillheader 19 Jul 03 - 09:07 AM
Bert 19 Jul 03 - 02:00 PM
GUEST,Boab D 19 Jul 03 - 02:14 PM
The Walrus 19 Jul 03 - 06:27 PM
Amos 19 Jul 03 - 07:04 PM
Rapparee 19 Jul 03 - 11:56 PM
Liz the Squeak 20 Jul 03 - 01:13 PM
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GUEST,Boab D 20 Jul 03 - 01:47 PM
Dave Bryant 21 Jul 03 - 05:01 AM
GUEST,Boab D 21 Jul 03 - 09:19 AM
GUEST 21 Jul 03 - 09:23 AM
EBarnacle1 21 Jul 03 - 09:53 AM
Dave Bryant 21 Jul 03 - 10:05 AM
Bert 21 Jul 03 - 10:07 AM
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Grab 21 Jul 03 - 11:18 AM
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Subject: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:20 PM

Being a librarian, I have Certain Contacts. As a result, here is some stuff that was left out of the Harry Potter books published so far. I knew that y'all would appreciate them

---------------
            
    Harry gazed up and greater fear than he'd ever known before in his life stabbed through him. At the same time his scar blazed with such pain that he collapsed, staring up at the sign swinging in the gentle breeze, the sign reading "Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, Attorneys-At-Law."
                               **
    "Of course there are girls upstairs at the Three Broomsticks! Why do you think they call her MADAME Rosemurta, anyway?" asked George incredulously.
                               **
    "Harry," said Hermione quietly, "these tests don't lie. You have to face the fact that Severus Snape is your father."
                               **
    "For God's sake, Weasley," drawled Malfoy, "roll off her and let Crabbe show you how it's done."
                               **
    When Snape had his back turned again, Hermione whispered to Ron, "You know, you can stir around in my cauldron anytime."
                               **
    She flicked her long black wand against her tight leather pants and purred, "It's MISTRESS Ginny, Potter, MISTRESS Ginny. Now get down on your belly and beg Mistress's forgiveness like a good little worm."
                               **
    McGonigle pointed her wand at Dumbledore and shouted "Viagra!"
                               **
    "Great man, Dumbledore," murmured Hagrid. "A bit of a twit, but a great man all the same."
                               **
    "Ah, Harry," said Hermione, looking pale. "You know the other night...and, well, I got the spell wrong...and, oh, Harry, you were right! You were right! The words WERE 'Contra ceptio' and not 'Pro ceptio' What are we going to do?! Harry?.. Harry?"
                               **
    "Harry," whispered Angelina, "why don't you let me show you some positions you won't find on the Quidditch field?"
                               **
    "Sorry, Malfoy," grinned Harry. "I thought it was the snitch. You know, you really should either wear underwear or fasten your robes when you play Quidditch or accidents like this will happen."
                        **
In a blaze of anger Harry pointed his wand at Ron and Hermione and shouted, "Coitus interruptus!"
                        **
Harry looked up lazily from his place on the ground, up the shapely leg to the short wizard's robe that fit tightly around the well-shaped figure, past the teasing green eyes to the flaming red hair, and said, smiling, "My goodnes Ginny! You're all grown up, aren't you?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 03 - 10:24 PM

Well, that certainly pops THAT little bubble, doesn't it??? ">))

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: katlaughing
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 03:22 AM

LMAO, thanks!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: MudGuard
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 03:37 AM

Rapaire, where can I buy this adult version? ROFL!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:16 AM

"Hermione", gasped Harry, "I do love the way that you perform that spell completely orally".


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Grab
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 08:32 AM

I remember a little while back seeing a bit of HP fan-fiction involving a naked Quidditch match, presented as emails between the various people. That was a total scream. I'll dig it out if anyone wants.

Graham.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 10:09 AM

There has also been no mention of either Bob Dylan or William Shatner in any of the Harry Potter books as yet. I thought I'd mention it, because I doubt that anyone else will.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 10:20 AM

Got that right, LH.

Face to face with the deepest and most immediate evil she had ever seen in the world, Hermione was frozen with fear. Weakly, lost in his deep glowering stare, she wiggled her wand with one finger, and managed to whisper "Williamus Shatneri" in a dry and terrified voice.

The evil spell evaporated, and Voldemere -- the lord of terror, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the tower of incarnate evil and fear, blinked, overcome by a cloud of insipid dullness that seemed to transform him. He staggered back, and looked around him stupidly.

"Gee!", he said. "What was that? Was that a magic spell? Hey, that was purty good!"

Hermione couldn't believe her ears....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Noreen
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 10:50 AM

What role will WS take in the next HP fillum, LH?

One of the posing potraits on the staircase??

:0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Gareth
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 11:01 AM

Oh Damn - I misread the title - thought it was about Harry Pollit

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 11:05 AM

No! WS will have the role of a new ghost - Almost Dickless Amadeus


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Desdemona at work
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 11:53 AM

It's obvious that WS will be the next Defense Against the Dark Arts
teacher. Unfortunately, his only countercurse will be, "Must...resist..."!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 11:56 AM

It raises an interesting question. We generally hear that good, intelligent people have a Dark Side, or are sometimes overcome by the Dark Side, or some such. I suspect that what bothers Evil Forces the most is that they will be overtaken by the Dull Side, and find themselves in the grip of an uncontrollable impulse to do nothing very interesting, or wake up stupid. A sort of satanic nightmare...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:04 PM

As a former librarian myself, I'm glad to see that others don't idolize the Harry Potter books. I actually read one once, for I was crossing the Atlantic and was desperate for something to pass the time. I found it hackneyed, filmi, and much too violent. Its happy ending was simply wrenched into place, for the author had apparently written herself into a cul-de-sac, then decided the book was long enough.

Parents, there are a lot better books of magic and fantasy down at your public library.

NB: "Filmi" is a wonderful new word I got from a book set in India. It means that something in real life slavishly imitates something in the movies. Spread it around, would you?


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:13 PM

I keep hearing the Potter books described as violent - but I don't see them as violent at all - maybe I just have a higher threshhold?


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:20 PM

In the book I read, a gang of thugs guns down Harry's mother and father as Harry looks on. Later, an animal (small dragon, if I recall) is euthanized at the behest of the school bully. Our emotions are much manipulated as we share the other children's helpless rage over this. (The dragon is miraculously resurrected in the hokey last chapter.)

I consider all that too violent.

I have a little friend, age 7, whose father reads to her. They tried the Potter books, and she told me herself that they quit reading them because they were too violent.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:26 PM

don't remember those scenes at all!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:27 PM

as a matter of fact - weren't Harry's parents killed when he was an infant and he has no recollection of the scene at all?


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: DMcG
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:47 PM

I'm wondering, leenia, if you've read Bruno Bettelheim's "Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairytales"? There are many who disagree with him, but his main thesis was that fairytales allow children to explore dangerous situations imaginatively while knowing they are physically safe. While there are many parts of his books I don't agree with myself, I do feel that it is not a good idea that all violence and uncomfortable ideas are expunged from books for seven year olds.

All of this drift is far too serious for this thread, let's get back to the silliness.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 12:53 PM

there are a lot of sites out there trying to come up with "Butterbeer" recipes - most of which sound disgusting...

I would think that a homemade "rootbeer" type concoction could be done using Butterscotch flavouring and yeast - just enough fementation to make it "sparkle" that would be much tastier then the combinations of melted butter and soda that many sites are reccomending.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Mudlark
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 01:26 PM

It's hot, the air is smoky, casting fear upon the land and I've a load of laundry and much housecleaning to do before the next onslaught of houseguests. And then...Mudcat! The pause that refreshes. A great thread.

Amos, you are a funny man! And I mean that in the best poss way.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 01:40 PM

Actually, I rather like the HP books, as do every kid I know. They do require Coleridge's "willing suspension of disbelief," though.

Personally, I think that Bettelheim is right in saying that literature helps prepare children. My mother used to read us the Arthurian stories, and ever since I've been ready to pull that sword out of the stone and rule all England as the rightful king.

There's also "Terence, this is stupid stuff."

I started writing the HP outakes a couple of years ago (yes, I confess, I wrote them and wattayagonnadoaboutit, huh?) simply because I have a hard time taking a lot of stuff seriously -- and because I liked the use of language in the books.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 02:34 PM

Thanks, darlin' --but I am far and away not the only or the most funny guy in this neck of the owods!! :>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 03:08 PM

Norbert was NOT euthanised... he was sent to Romania, to a sanctuary where one of Ron's brothers worked... Bill I think?

Odd that I forget the humans' name but remember the dragon.

Actually, no, not odd at all, given that I share a house with only 2 humans (if you can call Bratling human) but some 500+ dragons.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: clueless don
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 04:44 PM

Not that it matters, but I *suspect* that the book GUEST,leeneia was talking about was "The Prisoner of Azkaban", and that the "dragon" she/he seems to remember was in fact the Hippogriff, Buckbeak. Of, course, I may be wrong.

I love the books myself, and am patiently waiting for "Order of the Phoenix" to come out in paperback.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 04:56 PM

Buckbeak escaped and helped Harry. He was to be destroyed but that was all Lucious Malfoys doing. Wouldn't want him to have a happy ending now would we.

Keep up the outtakes. Can't take this stuff too seriously. What's more violent? HP or GWB?


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amergin
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 05:18 PM

well it's certainly no more violent than the bible...or the other various mythologies of the world....


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,pdc
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:01 PM

I don't think the wonderful first Harry Potter book is suitable for a 7-year-old child at all. Harry is 11 in the first book, and I think that's a good age for a child's introduction to the books. I just finished the 5th book in the series, and IMO, it shouldn't be read until the child is approximately 15 as well (Harry is 15 in the book).

For one thing, even the first book is too scary for a 7-year-old; in the second place, the kids get so much more out of these books when they are the right age for them.

I have them all for my grandson, who is 6. I'm just waiting a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:09 PM

Like so many other things, you shouldn't give Harry or anything else to a child until she or he is ready for it. My 8 year old nephew, for instance, has read all four HP books and is reading the fifth. Other children might not be ready for any of them until into their teens.

PDC, at least you care. Lots don't and librarians, like teachers, see it. But don't use your grandchild as a ruler against which to measure all children. They are individuals and mature, physically, intellectually, and psychologically, at different rates. Statistics are wonderful, but they only apply to a large population -- and one isn't a large population. I'm afraid that all too often we lose sight of the individuality of children.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:10 PM

Sod that, just getting most 7 year olds to read a book is hell's own job.... if they want to read HP and stick to it, why shouldn't they? Bratling loves them, even though she's just 7. She saw the films and still wanted to read the books.

Besides, this is the child who was found one day watching 'the Mummy', and laughing at the 'juicy' skeleton.

And as Ms Rowling answered one parent who criticised the violence and horror that Harry goes through ~ If you think this book is scary, you ought to try real life one day.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:27 PM

Bang on L-the-S. It was kids that chose to make this character a phenomenon, not librarians.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:41 PM

Thread drift--Liz and others. If you are desirous, PM me and I will forward "Once There Were Dragons," a tale/essay about why dragons seem to have become extinct, at least in public. It is much too long to type up here and I have not gotten around to publishing it. Eric


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:42 PM

Yup, like quite a few other people here, I was once a librarian. The films were made because the books were popular and if they were popular, it's because they were being read.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:44 PM

That's a familiar title... where is it from originally?

It's going to bug me all night now.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: TheBigPinkLad
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 06:48 PM

It might be familiar from ancient maps ... to the south of the known world they used to write "here there be dragons"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 07:15 PM

I think leenia must have skipped rather vigorously and creatively.

I think a lot of the problems with the books are that she's been learning on the job. Assuming she keeps on writing after she's got the seven Harry Potter booked finished with, it'll be interesting to see what she comes up with.

I was disappointed she didn't bump off one of the other popular characters instead. But saying which one would be a spoiler, since it'd indicate that unfortunately the character is still with us.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 08:53 PM

Hey, the librarians bought it so that kids who couldn't buy it could read it.

The days of "that's simply not great literature" are over everywhere I know about. We want kids reading; great lit can came later if ever.

Are you familiar with Captain Underpants? Kids like him, but he's been on the banned books lists....


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Nancy King
Date: 18 Jul 03 - 10:16 PM

LOTS of really great literature has been on the banned books list. It's almost a badge of honor. Sure, lots of kids aren't ready for the HP books, or their parents think they aren't. So they don't have to read it. I'm a librarian too, and believe me, those books get kids to read. Captain Underpants, Harry Potter, Goosebumps, whatever works.

As for myself, I'm currently listening to "Order of the Phoenix" on tape, and I think it's a gas. Great literature, no. Fun stuff? Yes.

And I LOVE the "stuff left out!" Let's have more!

Cheers, Nancy


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 03:02 AM

Captain Thunderpants is another one that got made into a film - starring Ron Weasley looking very strange as a egghead.

If the book is banned, how will the little darlings be able to read it?

But I agree, get into the habit of reading now, and the classics can come later, although that spawns a whole new thread, what do you consider a classic children's book?

Reading is a learned response and a habit. They read at school because they have to, at home because they want to. Bratling has seen Manitas and I with a book so often that it's considered normal behaviour to read at home. Our house is full of books, there isn't a room that doesn't have at least one bookshelf full to overflowing, including the bathroom (poetry - people spent entirely too long in there reading long novels, poems are usually shorter). Bratling's nearly finished an Enid Blyton compilation of the Wishing Chair stories, a book thicker than most Bibles! And still, people look amazed when they see her sitting in a corner with a book. I pity them because they've ovbiously learned that reading books stops when you leave school.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Bassic
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 04:30 AM

Here here! PLEASE dont wrap your kids in cotton wool. Know what they are reading, explain context to them, reassure them, but let them have a flavour of life and the real world. I am not a naturally literate person, I understand music at a far more instinctive level than I do litterature. I have always been able to "spell" musically but English has always been hard work. I am so thankfull that I was encouraged to read when I was younger.
As a consequence I am still child like in my reading in that all I really care about in a book is if it has a good story but I HAVE got the skills to access good literature when the need or mood takes me, its just hard work thats all. And why do I have those skills? Because I read Enid Blyton and Biggles amongst others. Probably all now banned as being racist, too violent or some other such PC infringement.
Its not that they were great literature, but they got me READING! My later education was then able to access that skill so that I could appreciate good literature and develop my own oppinions about stuff and understand those of others. How are you expected to truly appreciate most of Monty Pythons humour if you have never read Biggles? I am not saying that we should be writing those kinds of stories now for todays children, society and its norms have moved on since those days, but PLEASE stop overprotecting them. I would rather any child of mine was curled up in bed reading a Potter book than surfing the net or "playing" in the street. Far more "danger" there I would think?


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Bassic
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 04:34 AM

Especially if they have never learned that there just could be something nasty "lurking" just around the corner!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Hillheader
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 08:09 AM

"Bloody House Elves! What have they done with the WMD?"

"Hermione, I told you there was no way Bush or Blair would take the veracitarium"

"Yes Ron, Hagrid does look a bit like John Prescott - but is less dangerous".

"I don't get it Hermione, how can Voldermort be an anagram of Alistair Campbell."

Davebhoy


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 08:28 AM

My brother Tony might be thought strange by some, but his house is FULL of reading. And he doesn't protect his kids more than he thinks needful:

"'You're taking a five-year-old and a four-year-old to their grandmother's funeral?! That's awful! Aren't you afraid that your boys will be traumatized?'

'No. Death is part of life. I've explained that to them.'"

"'You're taking your children hunting with you?!?! You'll traumatize them!!! Aren't you worried? Don't you CARE??'

'I'm far more worried that they'll end up thinking that meat comes in neat little packages, all wrapped in plastic.'"

These are word-for-word conversations he had. The results:

The youngest was at the funeral with me. At the cemetery, he was holding my hand and he turned to me and said, "Why are they going to put Grandma in that hole?" "Because we can't keep her around any more. Besides, that's just her body -- Grandma's done with it and has gone elsewhere." "Oh. Then it's a good idea."

Oldest Daughter, the first time she _helped_ to clean out a deer: "It was cool and really, really interesting!" She'll graduate with a BS in Biochemistry next Spring and head off to grad school.

Youngest Daughter, last Fall: "It was great. I think that I want to go into Veterinary Medicine, and now I know more about animal anatomy."

No, don't give 'em more than they can take...and be with them the whole way, because that's your job as a parent. But don't shield them, either.

Books and reading can and do help.

(If you want to shield them, hide the television.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Hillheader
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 09:07 AM

"No Hagrid, it's not Buckbeak. It's Anne Widdicombe on her new Nimbus 2003"

Davebhoy


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Bert
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 02:00 PM

Hermione held out her hand and commanded "UP"
"Not again!" sighed Ron wearily


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 02:14 PM

Some people are really not living in reallity these days when you can go on about a CHILDRENS book being violent. Come on now when you were all kids and were little people ,like your kids and grandweans did some of the "Thats too violent" crew never read any thing that made you nutters and not wee reserved people who care about what the content of a book is. Children (and adults) read books and if HP is a way to get people reading and away from the television and the internet well is it a bad thing just because theres some fighting and some good versus evil and all the stuff that goes into books. That is the crux of things though good and bad. So if someone is relating to the little ones in your care or in your family by writing books whats the problem. At least they're learning about the beauty of language along with some morals in the process


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: The Walrus
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 06:27 PM

I seem to recall childhood tales of Giants being killed, dragons being sliced up by thugs in tin suits, Grannies being eaten by wolves, wolves being sliced up by local woodcutters and witches being tricked/forced into their own oven by children, and the Potter books are too violent????

Walrus


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 07:04 PM

Hermione made her way through the disgruntled portrait and up to her dormitory bed, and began to fold her school uniform and slip on her nightgown.

"Oh, my!", she muttered to herself. "You are a big girl now, aren't you??"

...


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jul 03 - 11:56 PM

Harry took off his robes and gazed into the Mirror of Arisaid. "Oh, man," he breathed, "if only I WAS built like that!"
    --
"Harry," said Ron breathily, "Harry, I've wanted to tell you something for a very long time, Harry."
    --
"Well, for goodness sakes, Weasley," said Seamus, settling the front of his robe. "Why do you think he's called Longbottom, anyway? Neville's family name is Smith."
    --
His robes vanished, and with a big grin Harry plunged into the traditional Gryffyndor House Cup Orgy.
    --
"Huhmf!" Madame Maxime sniffed scornfully. "Not EVERYTHING about you is gigantique, 'agrid."
    --
"Of course Fred and George are going blind, Potter! They're Beaters, after all."
    --
"Now, class," said Hagrid, "I've arranged for a special treat. I think you'll enjoy this, all of ya. Today, we're studying Satyrs and Nymphs, and here they come now!"
    --
"It was horrible," gasped Hermione, "just horrible. I never thought...I never suspected...in the teachers' lounge...McGonigle and Dumbledore...naked...."
    --
Madame Pomfrey sniffed. "Yes, Potter, you have hogwarts, and I have to report it to the Ministry of Public Health. And stay away from those Slytherin girls in the future!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 20 Jul 03 - 01:13 PM

Bratling is very upset that I won't let her read this!!!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 20 Jul 03 - 01:29 PM

"Hermione" said Ron softly"Any chance of a blowjob"

"was that the First time for you professor Snape"asked Harry" Because you were crap"


"Ron" Hermione sceamed "Not in that one"

Harry walked into the room and Mr Dursley told him the truth. Harry couldn't beleive that he was just having a bad trip and there was no such thing as Hogwarts. He was promptly put back into the cupboard under the stairs without his tea.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 20 Jul 03 - 01:47 PM

"Hedwig" said Harry looking rather distrustfull" Just how did you find those weapons of mass distruction"

"Hermione can I strok your pussy"

Mrs Weasley grabbed Harry by the hair, pulled him down to her waist and said "EAT"

Mr and Mrs Weasley lay in bed drenched in sweat after there five hour love making marathon. As ginny went to leave Mrs weasley said" you havent finished Harry off yet Ginny dont be selfish."

"Oh Hagrid can you come here and hold Malfoy for minute" Harry said exasperated" The little shit just isnt taking it ball deep"

"Next" Hermione said as the huffellpuff quidditch team cleaned up and got dressed.

"Fluffy put 'Arry back together"


Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 05:01 AM

Liz - are you absolutely sure that "Guest, Boab D" isn't actually Bratling anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 09:19 AM

"Harry" said Mrs McGonnagle in a dissapointed tone "I never new you were a banjo player"

Harry, Ron and Hermione went into the darkened room and nothing happened.

Longing for the loving touch of his parents Harry started to dig.

Hedwig flew straight into the window and said "aya"

the quaffle went through the hoop. Malfoy flew over to Harry sneering Harry just looked and said "Gonnae no dae that"

And its really boab not Bratling


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 09:23 AM

"There's a big difference" muttered Hagrid, "Between Clever and Crude; and I for one know the difference"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 09:53 AM

The correct spell is not "UP," it is "Levitatum."


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 10:05 AM

It never works for me these days - not even when Essex Girl says it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 10:07 AM

Well they said "UP" in the movie - SO THERE!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Dave Bryant
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 10:48 AM

"There's a lot of stuff that's been left out of Harry Potter" said Malfoy, "But if the little wotsit will remove his robe and bend over, I'll see what I can put back in !"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Grab
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 11:18 AM

As I mentioned earlier, the Naked Quidditch Match. Enjoy...

Graham.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Cluin
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 12:11 PM

"UP!" wasn't a spell.

It was a command to the broom.

Just like Curling.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Noreen
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 02:32 PM

Boab D: those weren't funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 02:37 PM

Noreen waves her wand in Boab D'sa general direction and calls "Subtilissimus Minimalis!!!!".

All of BoabD's posts are mysteriously and suddenly re-written by Rick Fielding.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 02:45 PM

My deepest apologies. I hope no one was too painfully inconvenienced. That should have been "Levitatus." My bad.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Noreen
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 02:48 PM

:0)


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Chief Chaos
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 03:31 PM

Seeing what was going on, Professor McGonagal grabbed Draco Malfoy by the ear and muttered the counter spell "Desistus Vibratorum". She then handed the broomstick back to the crimson cheecked and glassy eyed Hermione.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 21 Jul 03 - 07:14 PM

'Oh Harry, I didn't realise that spell only works if you do it beforehand.... I wonder how Ron is going to like being an uncle AND head boy?'

'Professor Sprout - have you been allowing the fourth years to grow dope in your lessons again? Really Professor, you know what effect it has on their flying... that's the fifth time Potter has stuck Longbottom on the high turret this week!'

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Cluin
Date: 22 Jul 03 - 02:16 AM

"Well, that's interesting," said Hermione teasingly, sitting down across from Harry and Ron in the Great Hall.

"What is?" they asked, together. They leaned forward in expectation.

"I've just seen Nearly Headless Nick in the second floor girl's loo," said Hermione with a smile. "He's been visiting Moaning Myrtle and, from what I saw of them together, he's not nearly as Nearly Head-less as he'd have us believe."

Ron nudged Harry and snickered, "Maybe he's giving Myrtle something to moan about as well, eh?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 22 Jul 03 - 10:47 AM

Well played. The only problem with the quidditch match is that it obviates the need for more books.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jul 03 - 11:54 PM

"Harry," said Mr. Weasley, "I've tried to be good to you, because I like you and I liked and respected your parents. But enough is enough! I can accept that you and Ron...and that you and Ginny...and you and Fred and George and Bill and Charlie and Ron...well, anyway, I can accept those things. But Harry, I give you fair warning: should you ever again attempt that with Molly...I'll, I'll, I'll become very, very vexed with you."
   --
"CLOACA!" shouted Neville, getting the charm wrong and room filling the room with a foul-smelling, lumpy liquid.
   --
"Oh my," exclaimed Angelina. "I've never been able to remember the difference between a vanishing charm and an engorgement charm. Sorry, Fred."
   --
Lee Jordan pointed his wand directly at Crabbe's lips and exclaimed, "Pogue mahon!"
   --
Dumbledore smiled at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and seemed to grow larger and, somehow, darker. "You three are the best students Hogwarts has seen in many years. You could be great, all three of you. But you never noticed the Dumbledore sort of rhymes with Voldemort, did you? You never noticed that when Voldemort was around I was not, did you? You never understood that Voldemort only feared me because I AM VOLDEMORT!!"

And, with one shrill "ADAVA KADAVRA!" the three young people lay still, the series over.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 10:29 AM

B,C,D,F,G,I,J,K,L,M,N,Q, S, U, V, W, X, and Zed are all left out of Harry Potter.

A bit unfair when 'R' is in there three times and 'T' twice.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Jerry
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 02:17 PM

Stuff that will be left out:

Harry finished his firewhiskey and motioned to the barkeep for another. He turned back to Ron. "Yeah, the job's alright -- I'm up for promotion to Assistant District Manager next year. And in another two years I'll get three weeks vacation. Can't complain, although the boss is a total git."

Ron smiled wanly. "I know what you mean. My supervisor is a supreme a-hole -- keeps making me rewrite the executive summaries on the production reports." He scratched the top of his head, where his scalp gleamed through the pale orange strands of his comb-over. "So, do you think Hermione will show?"

"Nah," said Harry, gazing absently at his former schoolmates gyrating on the dance floor, and rubbing his paunch. "I haven't heard from her since Cho and I split up. She's too big a deal to come to a reunion -- famous author, and all."

"You're probably right," agreed Ron. He paused thoughtfully. "Who'd have guessed that she'd make a fortune writing books about Muggle kids' adventures in school? That's all I hear from my two: 'Dad, can we get the new Larry Cotter book? Dad, can we rent Larry Cotter and the Dining Hall Dilema?' I'm sick of it!" he concluded with some heat.

They stood surveying the room for a minute without speaking, as the members of the Hogwarts Class of 2005 jerked and bobbed ridiculously to the DJ's tunes. Finally Harry spoke. "You wanna another drink?"

"Why not?" said Ron, and they turned back to the bar.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: EBarnacle1
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 02:59 PM

Grab, I forwarded the naked match to some friends and reactions ranged from ROTFL&WMP to "I am not a Harry Potter fan."


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Cluin
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 09:09 PM

Guest,Jerry... :-D


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jul 03 - 09:29 PM

Jerry:

That's really funny! Good job.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: The Walrus
Date: 25 Jul 03 - 07:08 PM

Refresh


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 02:01 AM

Glad we're done with the porn on this thread but the Naked Quidditch Match link is hilarious. Just read all 10 pages..........


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Phot
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 11:19 AM

The Naked Quidditch Match, pure genius, so funny it hurts!

Chris. {Still giggling, probably for the rest of the day!}


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 01:44 PM

Nkaed quidditch mach
That was really funny,chuckles and chuckles, and beats my poor attempts at humour. So did the rest of the alphabet one hehe
Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: Amergin
Date: 26 Jul 03 - 06:41 PM

youre right boab....they were poor attempts...

that naked quidditch match is really hilarious....right along with guest jerry's...


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST,Boab D
Date: 27 Jul 03 - 02:56 AM

Aye but I was trying and I thought the digging one was quite funny, come to think on it I still do
Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Sep 04 - 07:47 AM

Lucius Malfoy stands in front of the mirror and sings, "I'm Too Sexy".

BTW I loved the Naked Quidditch Match.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: belter
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 04:54 PM

The thing I really want to hear.

Dumbledore said to Snape "Why doen't you bloody well grow up."


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: HuwG
Date: 21 Jul 07 - 08:13 AM

"To lose one parent is a misfortune" said Dumbledore sadly, shaking his head. "But to have the entire Hogwarts PTA Avada-Kedavra'd ..."

****

Madam Pomfrey brushed aside all excuses and explanations. "Well what else did you expect ?" she said, "Saying 'Well, bugger me' anywhere near an enchanted broom ?"

****

"Well, aren't you pleased to see me, Ron ?", said Hermione. "Or is that just a three-foot long scroll in your pocket ?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
From: HuwG
Date: 21 Jul 07 - 03:18 PM

Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat, uneasily aware that Professor Snape knew exactly what he was thinking and feeling. Snape surveyed the class and said, "The events of the year preceding the first downfall of he who we do not name led to it being known as the 'Annus horribilis'. Spelled incorrectly with one 'n' instead of two, as Potter and Weasley and no doubt some others have contrived to do, the phrase refers to a potion, better known by its Muggle name of 'vindaloo'. Some of you will by now be well acquainted with its effects."

****

"B-b-but Professor, I c-c-can't possibly be pregnant", said Cho, sobbing. "It was only a Goblin party I went to."


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