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BS: New element discovered

michaelr 12 Mar 03 - 08:36 PM
John Routledge 12 Mar 03 - 08:41 PM
mack/misophist 12 Mar 03 - 10:25 PM
Rustic Rebel 13 Mar 03 - 12:34 AM
Wolfgang 13 Mar 03 - 05:10 AM
GUEST,Mr Red 13 Mar 03 - 09:12 AM
Amos 13 Mar 03 - 11:32 AM
John MacKenzie 13 Mar 03 - 03:06 PM
Don Firth 13 Mar 03 - 10:26 PM
Bill D 14 Mar 03 - 12:30 AM
Mr Red 14 Mar 03 - 02:37 PM
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Subject: BS: New element discovered
From: michaelr
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 08:36 PM

Latest discovery...

A major independent research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named "Governmentium." Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass".


(This was forwarded to me via e-mail. No idea where it comes from.)

Cheers,
Michael


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: John Routledge
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 08:41 PM

Looks like a parody on a Les Barker poem the name of which temporarily escapes me.


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: mack/misophist
Date: 12 Mar 03 - 10:25 PM

Thank you. I knew there had to be a retional explanation for it all.


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 12:34 AM

I actually was looking forward to a scientific discussion about a new element! That was funny though Michael.


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: Wolfgang
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 05:10 AM

old thread from 2001 with same title:

New element discovered

Only difference: Last time we read about it it was called administratium.

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 09:12 AM

ROTFLMAO

I know what he sediment, but not what the element.

so what is it's density? Dare we mwention confusion ? WIMPs?
strange quarks?


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 11:32 AM

Governmentium is also unusual in that only two forces seem to be at play in its structure -- the "weak force" and gravity.

Strange quarks and charm are both antipathetic to governmentium; however, governmentium's excessive density means that when those particles come within weak-force fields of governmentium the strange quarks and charm particles are sucked in and converted into morons.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 03:06 PM

I am not a number, I am a free man!!
To paraphrase Mary Queen of Scots [I think?]
After I am dead, if you open me up, you will find GOVERNMENT PROPERTY carved on my heart.
Giok


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: Don Firth
Date: 13 Mar 03 - 10:26 PM

This, I believe, ties in with String Theory. All of the neutrons are trying to pull the strings of all the other neutrons. Barring statistical anomolies, they cancel each other out and the net result is total inertia.

I'm sure this somehow relates to Chaos Theory, but I'm still working that out.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: Bill D
Date: 14 Mar 03 - 12:30 AM

"I keep my quarks tied up with a piece of string.
They form neutrons,and almost everything.
(oughta be 'some' decent line here...but it's late)
Because we sing, please pull the string!"

(aww...needs work..feel free to mess with it. or not....)


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Subject: RE: BS: New element discovered
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Mar 03 - 02:37 PM

Bill D I'm sure you could have got "my Ding-a-ling" in there somewhere - It is now traditional - almost.


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