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BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!

Little Hawk 01 Sep 05 - 08:35 PM
The Fooles Troupe 01 Sep 05 - 08:16 PM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 01 Sep 05 - 11:56 AM
GUEST,SueB 14 Sep 04 - 03:33 AM
GUEST,skool kid 13 Sep 04 - 07:42 PM
Bill D 29 Aug 04 - 10:30 AM
s&r 29 Aug 04 - 04:38 AM
Bernard 28 Aug 04 - 10:07 PM
Caroline1984 27 Aug 04 - 07:04 AM
s&r 27 Aug 04 - 03:48 AM
s&r 26 Aug 04 - 05:26 AM
frogprince 25 Aug 04 - 10:58 PM
Bernard 25 Aug 04 - 10:35 AM
Naemanson 24 Aug 04 - 08:35 PM
Bernard 24 Aug 04 - 08:31 PM
M'Grath of Altcar 23 Aug 04 - 08:50 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 23 Aug 04 - 04:19 AM
Georgiansilver 23 Aug 04 - 04:15 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 23 Aug 04 - 12:52 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 23 Aug 04 - 12:51 AM
Cluin 23 Aug 04 - 12:48 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 22 Aug 04 - 11:32 PM
GUEST,MMario 15 Aug 03 - 08:04 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 14 Aug 03 - 11:08 PM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 07 Jul 02 - 02:21 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 07 Jul 02 - 02:16 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 07 Jul 02 - 02:09 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 07 Jul 02 - 01:53 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 07 Jul 02 - 12:42 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 07 Jul 02 - 12:24 AM
GUEST 06 Jul 02 - 04:56 AM
GUEST,Sonja 05 Jul 02 - 04:11 PM
Mr Happy 05 Jul 02 - 03:25 AM
Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull 04 Jul 02 - 04:32 PM
Mr Happy 04 Jul 02 - 09:10 AM
lamarca 02 Jan 02 - 03:54 PM
Melani 02 Jan 02 - 11:31 AM
Paul from Hull 01 Jan 02 - 11:37 AM
Amos 01 Jan 02 - 11:16 AM
catspaw49 01 Jan 02 - 07:26 AM
Chris/Darwin 01 Jan 02 - 06:48 AM
Little Hawk 31 Dec 01 - 08:37 AM
Amos 31 Dec 01 - 05:41 AM
Melani 31 Dec 01 - 01:29 AM
Ian Darby 30 Dec 01 - 05:52 AM
Dicho (Frank Staplin) 29 Dec 01 - 10:46 PM
catspaw49 29 Dec 01 - 10:19 PM
Ian Darby 29 Dec 01 - 10:04 PM
Amos 29 Dec 01 - 05:52 PM
Little Hawk 29 Dec 01 - 05:18 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 08:35 PM

Always good to see hamsters getting the respect they merit.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 08:16 PM

Ah - if you can demonstrate that you put it out in the Public Domain, such as here, prior publication usually destroys any attempt to patent something.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 01 Sep 05 - 11:56 AM

somebody is nicked my idea, i see on news last week that a man invented a mobile phone charger powered by hamsters, this was my idea ages ago, i should of copywrited it,
anyway=i might soo him.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,SueB
Date: 14 Sep 04 - 03:33 AM

It occurs to me we've got the wrong end of the stick here - we should be thinking about providing free electricity FOR hamsters, to power their little toasters and heating pads and laptop computers and all.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,skool kid
Date: 13 Sep 04 - 07:42 PM

havin hamsters power cities is a good idea u can get millions of hamsters in hamster wheels powerin turbines, and u could breed the hamsters usin selective breeding to make a strong, faster super hamster. and yes i am just a kid doin a speech on the matter


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 10:30 AM

it would take MORE electricity to produce enough hamster food to fuel their exercise than they would produce by running, thus a net loss in energy. Hamsters may cause the end of civilization as we know it!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: s&r
Date: 29 Aug 04 - 04:38 AM

Fred I think recorded 'the oldest swinger' as traditional, but it wasn't. Ed produced his first LP I think with cash from royalties on the oldest swinger.

Stu


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bernard
Date: 28 Aug 04 - 10:07 PM

Spooky... Fred Wedlock once recorded 'Oldest Swinger'... and has appeared on a TV series in the UK with Trevor 'Clockwork Radio' Bayliss...

Well I  thought it was spooky, anyway...!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Caroline1984
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 07:04 AM

LOL


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: s&r
Date: 27 Aug 04 - 03:48 AM

I'll refresh this because I love Ed's songs

Stu


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Subject: Lyr Add: HAMSTER SID (Ed Pickford)
From: s&r
Date: 26 Aug 04 - 05:26 AM

Ed pickford here wrote 'Hamster Sid'

Last night I heard on my TV
how we're going to lose all the energy
The oil and coal are getting low
and the fast reactor is slow

Well I gave a little scream I gave a little cry -
looked like we were all fixin' to die
Then I heard a voice it was my Hamster Sid -
these were the words he said

'You may be human; you are dumb -
there's no need to sit there glum
I turn my wheel all through the night;
that energy could give you light

Cho
So sing a little song for my Hamster Sid
His wheel is connected to the National Grid
He's a dynamo of high degree
He makes electricity

With a Hamster wheel and an elastic band
he makes the pylons sing all over this land
He jumps in his wheel - he says 'Go!'
You should see those electrons flow

He eats seeds from the sunflower flower
He makes Hamster electric power
Good for all ecology
High on ergs and pollution free

Cho
so my furry pal and the food he ate
Saved our world from an awful fate
One day he died - he died well-used
His eyes just closed and his heart it fused

Cho (past tense)

Ed is a wonderful writer - his best known song is probably 'The Oldest Swinger in Town'


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 10:58 PM

there may be another possible approach to this; if you stick two spikes in a potato and put wires on them, you get enough electricity to power a battery watch or small clock. Has anyone tried this with a hamster?...


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bernard
Date: 25 Aug 04 - 10:35 AM

Them thar pesky critters will store anything in their cheek pouches!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Naemanson
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 08:35 PM

I wasn't aware that the hamsters had captured electricity or that it neeeded to be freed.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Bernard
Date: 24 Aug 04 - 08:31 PM

Ummm... Trevor Bayliss invented the clockwork radio, BTW - Dyson invented the cyclone vacuum cleaner... (Sir jOhn from Hull's original posting).

Cats land on their feet, don't they? And bread lands butter-side down? So if you strapped a slice of bread butter-side up to a cat's back, then dropped the cat, would it float?


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: M'Grath of Altcar
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 08:50 AM

Watch out for animal rights nutters jOhn. If they get to hear of this they may put more cats in your bin.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 04:19 AM

Bastards!, I will soo them!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 04:15 AM

John.....I understand that Yorkshire Electricity have 5,000,000 hamsters on order and 5,000,000 mini turbines which are run from hamster wheels. I believe they have taken your idea and are about to use it. Did you take out a patent on it?.. If not then I believe that you cannot sue them for your share of the profits.
Best wishes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 12:52 AM

Post 100, I thank you.
Hamsters, the true path!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 12:51 AM

oh.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Cluin
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 12:48 AM

Pssst... by the way, it's really spelled miniature.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 22 Aug 04 - 11:32 PM

gerbils are rubbish!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Aug 03 - 08:04 AM

how true! Pet stores throughout NY; Ohio, NJ, Massachusetts and Ontario report massive runs on hamsters and even gerbils!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 14 Aug 03 - 11:08 PM

heloo, this is a good idea for power cuts.john


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 07 Jul 02 - 02:21 AM

If the hamster's dead who is turning the wheel? (And Why) Weirdo!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 07 Jul 02 - 02:16 AM

Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Good Night
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 07 Jul 02 - 02:09 AM

God had nothing to do with it!
I am sure he has more important things on his mind than your bad spelling!

Sincerley
John from Hull


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 07 Jul 02 - 01:53 AM

By God - that miss-spelling sobered the old sot up quick!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 07 Jul 02 - 12:42 AM

I think he means minature.

Sincerley
John


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 07 Jul 02 - 12:24 AM

Current issue of Smithsonian Magazine, July 2002, has an article PeeWee Poweron miniture engines the size of a quarter.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Jul 02 - 04:56 AM

Well, something/someone IS stupid here.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: GUEST,Sonja
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 04:11 PM

Now, if we can only train politicians and lawyers to do the same...


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 05 Jul 02 - 03:25 AM

btw they're called lemmings


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 04 Jul 02 - 04:32 PM

melani-hamsters are NOT stupid.john


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Mr Happy
Date: 04 Jul 02 - 09:10 AM

there's creatures at the north pole very similar to hamsters.

at certain times of the year they become suicidal en masse and stampede to the nearest icy precipice and all fling themselves off into thin air, dropping into the arctic sea & drown.

perhaps they could be caught in nets attached to a turbine which could then be used for central heating & hot showers in peoples igloos!


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: lamarca
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 03:54 PM

The dead hamsters are a lot easier to stack if you first run over them a couple times with your SUV, let them air dry for a few days, then peel them off the pavement in compressed form.

We once had a pair of Siberian hamsters that were liberated from a depression study (did you know that hamsters get depressed? Neither did I - that's government research for you!) We named them Hoover and Eureka (because of the way they reacted to their food) and kept them in a little cage in the lab. And Hoover and Eureka begat Electrolux, Rainbow, Miehle and Kirby, who were sent home with various co-workers for their children. Then they begat Dustbuster, Dirt Devil, Oreck, Bissell and Hokey. As we started running out of names, we started trading the offspring in for tropical fish for our aquarium. Hoover and Eureka kept on inhaling food and producing baby hamsters. It never occurred to us to try to use them as a power source...


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Melani
Date: 02 Jan 02 - 11:31 AM

Couldn't we use methane generated by the, er, byproducts to generate power? I will admit to being way out of my depth here, just brainstorming. Also would the fact that hamsters are determinedly nocturnal be an advantage or disadvantage?


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:37 AM

Hehehehehe...

John, mate, you never realised what a monster you were going to create with this one, I'm sure!

*G*


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 11:16 AM

600,000,000,000,000 (6x10^14) watts? or 600,000,000,000 (6x10^11) watts?

And am I to assume that is a number of watts flowing 24 hours a day? Because if so you'd need shifts -- the little buggers need their sleep, you klnow. Which means two or three times that number of individuals. Maybe four times, 'cuz I don't think hamsters can run a straight eight-hour shift. Don't small bodies deplete sooner under sustained exertion? If humans can work eight hours, according to Chris' scale of 1:100, hamsters can only run for about 4.8 minutes without sleeping for another 4.8 minutes, more or less. And then taking 4.8 minutes of to live their lives and eat and so on. If this is the case we can round the numbers out and estimate a 15 minute diurnal cycle of work, sleep, eat. This is the equivalent of only producing 19.2 minutes an hour which actually means the labor pool would have to be 3.125 times Chris' initial estimate, plus a margin for illness and holiday coverage.

As for Obits, if you had to name them individually, it would be a challenge. You'ld probably have to resort to numbered names like Rolf345, Spot59792, Spanky987, and Tidbit288.

The back yards of the world would be littered with little signs that say things like "Here lies Timmy67890987 -- A Good Hamster -- He gave his All".

Real estate values would plummet because of the legal complications of residences built on burying grounds, and all kinds of sanitary devices would be invented. "Neighbors not respecting minimum depth laws for their hamsters? Being hounded by bad smells? Don't suffer in silence -- get this house-size Wind Reverser, and send those odors back where they came from!! Yours for only twenty EASY payments...."

Not to mention labor-saving things to make the composting of the little corpses easier. "Hi, I'm Fred Gewgaw and I'm here to tell you about the new "Stackastiff" hard plastic multitier underground stiff-stacker. Make your life a little easier for only $99.99!!"

Ya know, when you are responsible for new techology you have to think hard about the ramifications over time. I think in this case we really ought to send John back to the drawing board or the bottle, whichever comes first!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 07:26 AM

Chris, I am indeed grateful for these calculations and research. What you're saying then is that John may be a bit off-base here...either that or drunk. As we had already established the latter, we all appreciate your work on the former.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Chris/Darwin
Date: 01 Jan 02 - 06:48 AM

Finally this thread needs some sense!! I work for a power company, so in lieu of Yorkshire, I am just the man to put you all right on the mathematics of this!

I read once that a human can put out about 100 watts of power for a while (and while we are at it, let's get the watts jokes out of the way - "what, what, what, what - I say, only four watts, he is not very bright!!").

Assuming a hampster is about one hundredth of a human in power output (we will need to redefine horsepower (hp) here, because we could get confused with human power (hp) or hampster power (hp) - let's assume a hampster (hp) is one watt (definitely not very bright!).

To generate enough electricity to supply the USA, you would need about 600 billion hampsters (i.e., 600 thousand million). I tried to work out how much feed this many hampsters would need, but my calculator went on strike, and the answer was either 4 million cubic acres per hour (i.e., 2 million of Uncle Scrooge's money bins full of feed) or something the size of Venus. I tried to check this calculation using pen and paper, but I ran out of paper.

However, I can confidently predict that there isn't enough food on earth to feed this lot, but if you could the by-products would truly awe - inspiring. And the support industries - breeding replacements, funerals and burial of 200 billion hampsters per annum. (Come to think of it, the funeral notices would get a bit repetitive, wouldn't they?) The mind boggles! Imagine if they all farted at once - you would knock the Earth out of orbit!

By the way, are there any songs about hampsters?

Regards Chris


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 08:37 AM

Melani - Well of course they bit you! Hamsters don't like being called "stupid". :-))

Ian - LOL! Very funny stuff! I love the centipede description...and the Tyson/Flatley match is really something to contemplate. Interesting variation by Spaw too. How about a Mike Tyson versus Woody Allen match...or even Mike Tyson versus Bill Gates...

Compose a description of that for us, if you would.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 05:41 AM

See? Not only are they quitters, but they're obsessive-compulsive, too!!! ;>))

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Melani
Date: 31 Dec 01 - 01:29 AM

Little Hawk--As a veteran of four hamsters and five rats, I feel I am in a position to compare them. I will admit that hamsters are cuter to look at, and have lovely golden brown fur. But every hamster I ever had bit me at least once, and none of the five rats have ever bitten anyone.

As for being quitters--you should have seen Olivia this morning, trying to open a jar of peanut butter with her teeth. Given long enough, she would have done it. Rats once caused a leak in the C.A. Thayer's fresh water system by chewing through lead pipes.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Ian Darby
Date: 30 Dec 01 - 05:52 AM

Thanks Catspaw

A certain ex-girlfriend of Tyson's gets in the ring, and removes the flute from its resting place. Now, since the trial she has learned to play a Didgeridoo of immense girth....


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 10:46 PM

Is it true that hamsters keep the wheels turning behind the scenes at Mudcat?


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 10:19 PM

Ya' know.....Somehow I can't buy off on your Michael Flatley scenario. I think it might be more like:

Picture the scene, "Seconds away. Round one." Cue music.. (Bhodran & Fiddle.) Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! "And Tyson's simply staring" Diddly, Diddly, Diddly, SMACK! "Tyson rushes in and ties up Flatley giving him a quick knee to the groin and biting off half his ear" (Ref separates them and Flatley looks confused) "Flatley's now has his flute out and begins to play an air for his mother.... Tyson lands a right cross and Flatley goes down as Tyson rams the flute a foot and a half up his ass........"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Ian Darby
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 10:04 PM

Those Hamsterdance Chaps, I love the way they stare straight ahead and keep their arms at their sides whilst jigging around looking mildly constipated.

Before I go any further, if Michael Flatley intends to take up a career(?) in boxing, how's he going to go on if he's never learnt to use his arms.

Picture the scene, "Seconds away. Round one." Cue music.. (Bhodran & Fiddle.) Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! Diddly Diddly Diddly, SMACK! "And Tyson's tiring," Diddly, Diddly, Diddly, SMACK! "Flatley's just got his flute out and is playing an air for his mother.... Tyson looks confused, he doesn't seem to be able to work out what key Flatley's in....."

Returning to the thread, I personally prefer the energy generating qualities of centipedes* but as a general rule of thumb, their length should not exceed that of half the circumference of the wheel.

If it matches the circumference then they just go round and round and the wheel remains stationary. Then again, I find them to be sullen, lazy creatures and very difficult to motivate. Trying to get electricity from these beggars is about as easy as milking a frog.

I am also distrustful of any creature which needs more than four limbs to move around. If Spiders looked more like little fluffy dogs or Cats there would be far less phobias in this world. I for one would be happy to leave food out for them. (As long as it wasn't dishes full of flies and moths.)

* Don't use the poisonous ones.

P.S. I haven't actually done any of the above. I made it all up.

P.P.P.S. I meant it about the spiders though.

Happy New Year to all you gentle Mudcats and Mudcatesses, I would also like to apologise in advance.


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Amos
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 05:52 PM

Rats are QUITTERS!!!??

ROFLMAO, Little Hack!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Free Electricity From Hamsters!
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Dec 01 - 05:18 PM

That flaming strawberry pop tart in the toaster device is a scary one indeed! What if Bin Laden's fanatics should succeed in positioning one under Dubya's Oval Office chair...or his bed...or in his toilet bowl? This is a dire threat if ever I've heard of one, and I hope the Secret Service is working night and day on doing something about it!

Melani - So hamsters are "notoriously stupid", are they? Well! You're going to be getting some nasty responses from some furry little faces around here, lemme tell ya!

I asked the resident hamster why they, unlike rats, continue using their excercise wheels, month after month, year after year. He says it's because "rats are quitters". Boy, is he ticked off at you...

- LH


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