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BS: Politically correct jokes

Gareth 02 Dec 01 - 06:27 AM
leprechaun 02 Dec 01 - 06:02 AM
Nigel.Parsons 01 Dec 01 - 05:08 PM
leprechaun 30 Nov 01 - 09:08 PM
Gareth 30 Nov 01 - 06:34 PM
Dicho (Frank Staplin) 30 Nov 01 - 02:03 PM
Rick Fielding 30 Nov 01 - 11:04 AM
Bert 30 Nov 01 - 04:52 AM
Wilfried Schaum 30 Nov 01 - 03:39 AM
Wilfried Schaum 30 Nov 01 - 03:37 AM
Murray MacLeod 30 Nov 01 - 01:52 AM
Jim Dixon 30 Nov 01 - 01:47 AM
Murray MacLeod 30 Nov 01 - 01:34 AM
katlaughing 30 Nov 01 - 12:13 AM
Melani 30 Nov 01 - 12:02 AM
Murray MacLeod 29 Nov 01 - 11:58 PM
Bill D 29 Nov 01 - 11:34 PM
Rick Fielding 29 Nov 01 - 11:25 PM
Murray MacLeod 29 Nov 01 - 08:08 PM
ddw 29 Nov 01 - 07:55 PM
GUEST,Les/ Manchester uk 29 Nov 01 - 04:24 PM
mousethief 29 Nov 01 - 03:49 PM
Jack the Sailor 29 Nov 01 - 01:40 PM
catspaw49 29 Nov 01 - 12:27 PM
GUEST 29 Nov 01 - 12:07 PM
Jack the Sailor 29 Nov 01 - 11:06 AM
GUEST,Stavanger Bill 29 Nov 01 - 06:24 AM
Wolfgang 29 Nov 01 - 06:24 AM
Tone d' F 29 Nov 01 - 02:12 AM
Murray MacLeod 29 Nov 01 - 01:23 AM
Rick Fielding 29 Nov 01 - 01:10 AM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 01 - 11:55 PM
Amos 28 Nov 01 - 11:55 PM
Murray MacLeod 28 Nov 01 - 09:16 PM
Bill D 28 Nov 01 - 09:08 PM
Murray MacLeod 28 Nov 01 - 08:20 PM
Amos 28 Nov 01 - 08:01 PM
Murray MacLeod 28 Nov 01 - 07:21 PM
Teresa 28 Nov 01 - 07:16 PM
AliUK 28 Nov 01 - 07:15 PM
alison 28 Nov 01 - 07:07 PM
Teresa 28 Nov 01 - 07:07 PM
Gareth 28 Nov 01 - 07:05 PM
catspaw49 28 Nov 01 - 07:01 PM
Murray MacLeod 28 Nov 01 - 06:51 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Nov 01 - 06:26 PM
mousethief 28 Nov 01 - 06:20 PM
Murray MacLeod 28 Nov 01 - 06:15 PM
Jack the Sailor 28 Nov 01 - 06:09 PM
Clinton Hammond 28 Nov 01 - 05:19 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Gareth
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 06:27 AM

Snosrap - actually, in the Valleys we tell them about North Wales.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: leprechaun
Date: 02 Dec 01 - 06:02 AM

I think all you folks are confused about the definition of "politically correct." It doesn't mean you can't offend anybody. In the world of political correctness, you just have to offend the correct people.

Q. How many politically correct people does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. THAT'S NOT FUNNY!


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Nigel.Parsons
Date: 01 Dec 01 - 05:08 PM

Wolfgang: the chances of the two bombs being on board; you say the presence of the first bomb reduces the chance of there being a second bomb, (yes, I know it's a spurious argument). But how do you ensure that yours is the "first" bomb ??

Murray: most of the U.K. tell sheep shagging jokes about the Welsh, but here in the capital, Cardiff, we tell them about people from the valleys Have you heard about the new leisure centre in Pontypridd ? Three sheep tied to a stake.

Bill D: 3 guys trying to enter heaven a PC joke ? what about all those Atheists, Agnostics and reincarnationists you'rs alienating ?

Finally: "It's hard to find, for love or money, A joke that's clean, and also funny"

Nigel Parsons


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: leprechaun
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 09:08 PM

How do you top a car?

Tep on the brake, toopid!

You're stranded on a deserted island. When you look out to sea there are three boats coming toward the island, carrying a cannibal, a head hunter and an attorney. You have a gun, but only two bullets. What do you do, what do you do?

Shoot the attorney.

Twice.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Gareth
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 06:34 PM

Sorry WIlfred, I concur that the Stem of the Joke refered to Italians - but thats the English version.

The Royal Oak (Ystrad Mynach) version of this week was quite specific about the French - and I should know 'cos I was there !

There were no Italians at Agincourt, Poitiers, Calais etc.

But the South Welsh Archers were there.

Gareth (in chauvenistic Mood.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Dicho (Frank Staplin)
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 02:03 PM

What is that? (Holding up the plastic net from a six-pack cluster). A(n) Irish, English, Scotch, Ukrainian, Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Portuguese, French, German, Hawaiian, Asian, European, Mexican, African Fly Swatter.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 11:04 AM

Hey Murray, PM me your address and I'll send you a copy. The rest of my output you'll have to buy!

Why this largesse on my part?

Because, despite your being a crusty troublemaking Caledonian Conservative Curmudgeon, offending decent human beings in every corner of the planet.....you've given me quite a few chuckles this week. I detect this slight mischievous grin behind every outrageous statement you make. It IS there isn't it? Right? I mean it really IS, eh? eh?

Now sit down by this roaring candle, and have a nice porridge sandwich. Ahhhhh now THAT'S true Scots hospitality!

Cheers, Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Bert
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 04:52 AM

It's centrifugal force and centripetal acceleration.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 03:39 AM

And here is the missing e> of somthing.

Wilfried


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Wilfried Schaum
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 03:37 AM

Methinks, Gareth's joke is incorrect. Centuries of warring against the French have taught us otherwise. The answer should be: The Italians are committing troops (last flop: 1940 joining Hitler's French war).
But now a political very correct joke about our first king and emperor (of both French and German, died 814):
One day Charlemagne rode out to hunt in the woods around Aix-les-Bains, where he happened to meet an old hussy collecting brushwood.
"How do you do, old hussy" said Charlemagne.
"How do you do, Charlemagne" said the old hussy.
Such and similar stories they're telling still today around Aix-les-Bains about Charlemagne's cordiality.
This joke fits very well Freud's definition (if I remember it well): At first a certain amount of tension is created, then it is unravelled by somthing totally unexpected.

Wilfried


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 01:52 AM

That is FUNNY , Jim. French toast during the Renaissance, LOL !!

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 01:47 AM

The sign on the caf window said "Breakfast Any Time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

The sign on another caf window said "Open 24 Hours." I started to walk in. The manager said, "Sorry, we're closed." I said, "But your sign says, 'Open 24 Hours.' " He said, "Yeah, but not consecutively."

I'm having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

--stolen from Stephen Wright


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 01:34 AM

Centripenile force, I like it. That could well find its way into the dictionary, Kat.

This force certainly guided me in my earlier years . And even today, with a following wind ................. Well, at least I can dream

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: katlaughing
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 12:13 AM

Murray, I think it is "centripenile" force.

Stavanger BIll, thanks for the explanation!

Jack, Phew! What a slew!


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Melani
Date: 30 Nov 01 - 12:02 AM

Q:How do you get a (social or ethnic group of your choice) to burn his face?
A:Call him on the phone when he's ironing.

Q: How did the (social or ethnic group of your choice) burn his face?
A: Bobbing for french fries.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 11:58 PM

Jees, Rick, if only I had a dollar for every time I have had to grin and bear that joke , I would be able to afford to buy that compilation CD (the one with Hesitation Blues on it ).

Incidentally, while we are on the Scottish/kilt theme, further to my observations earlier about not using the kilt pin to fasten the kilt, if you have ever been to a Highland Games event and witmessed the spectacle of the kilted athletes throwing the hammer, you will not have failed to notice the frisson of excitement generated among the female spectators as the hammer thrower spins faster and faster and his kilt fans out horizontally under the influence of centripetal (or is it centrifugal?) force.

The impact of this brathtaking spectacle would be severely diminished if the kilt were to be fastened instead of being able to swing free.......

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 11:34 PM

*grin*...well, actually *guffaw*...wonderful, Rick!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 11:25 PM

Murray, knock it off!! First I have to explain to my Glaswegian wife (the former Heather Docherty) that NO Scots people were injured (mentally or physically) in my brilliant joke....and now YOU! I give up!

.......well maybe not. I'll try one more bit of hilarity that has nothing to do with any ethnic characteristics.

At a Rolling Stones concert , people are happily singing along as Mick (no Irish reference intended) intones: "Hey you! Get offa my cloud"!

A concert goer resplendant in non-pant-like lower attire, says to the person beside him/her. "They stole that song you know". The person is at first rather confused by the stranger's incomprehensible (but none the less valid) accent. "How do you know"? He/she asks. "It's an old folksong that the rest of us rural (not meant to demean the 'urbanly challenged') folk knew well. It really goes: "Hey Macleod Get off of my Ewe"!

The discombobulated (or temporarily sanity challenged) concert goer is immediately thrown into a huge quandry as she/he is BOTH a member of "The society for Ethical treatment of animals" AND the "sexual freedom league"

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 08:08 PM

Guest wrote" "There are 3 kinds of people in the world: those who can do math, and those who can't..."

Now that is funny, but why is it funny ?

I gave always understood that conventional psychology holds that humor derives ultimately from observing the misfortunes of others from a "safe seat". But does Guest's joke fit into that category? I can't decide.

Jack's "long face" joke I have always loved. I first heard it from Ian Bruce, Scottish singer extraordinaire. Some of his other jokes however are not so politically correct, although invariably funny.

Murray

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: ddw
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 07:55 PM

Teresa, I think your joke about two lesbians on a bus is appallingly sexist!

What! You think just because they're women, they are automatically in the passive role? Obviously one might be the driver.

Shame on you!

;>) David


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: GUEST,Les/ Manchester uk
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 04:24 PM

I guess the real challenge is to tell a political/social joke that is PC and still funny. Jokes are more and less funny according to context, the teller (or crackist?)and the audience. Jewish comedians with a majority Jewish audience can have the audience laugh at life and itself with a joke that would not work in another context.

I bate (but gently) Irish friends and sound PC friends with:

Why are Irish jokes simple?

So that the English can understand them!

It generally works but I don't think it would work with English people expecting an 'Irish Joke'


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 03:49 PM

Teresa, that's offensive. You're saying lesbians can't drive a bus. I know plenty of lesbian bus drivers, and they would all be shocked and offended by your joke.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 01:40 PM

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?"

Wah Wah wah wah wah......


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 12:27 PM

Wolfgang I LOVE IT!!

and Jack....thanks for several laughs too!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 12:07 PM

There are 3 kinds of people in the world: those who can do math, and those who can't...


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 11:06 AM

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."

The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."

Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

`,,``,,``,,`

Crazy Laws -----------

In Temperance, MS, you can't walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.

In St. Louis, a law on the books makes it illegal to park your car without turning off the engine. This was to avoid scaring horses.

In Kansas City, KS, saying the name "George Washington" without adding the phrase "blessed be his name," can land you with a fine of up to fifty cents.

In California, selling a gold piece without tooth marks in it is considered forgery.

An old statute in Flint, MI, compels dentists to offer a slug of whiskey with no additional charge to said patient.

The city of San Francisco holds a copyright on the name San Francisco. It is illegal to manufacture any item with the name without first getting permission from the city. Since the Supreme Court upheld the copyright, San Francisco has had an annual $300 million surplus every year.

In Raleigh, North Carolina, before a man asks for a woman's hand in marriage, he must be inspected by all the barnyard animals on the young woman's family's property, to ensure a harmonious farm life.

In Salzburg, Germany, any child born on August 18th must be tested for possible witchcraft. This is due to a local legend that an evil warlock was born on that day in 1638.

`,,``,,``,,`

His mother was now living in Miami Beach, and the young man didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that Mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear mother.

A few days later, he called. "Ma, what do you think of the bird?"

"The bird was good, but a little tough. I should have cooked it longer."

"You ate the bird?!? Ma, the bird was very expensive. It spoke seven languages!"

"Oh, excuse me. But, if the bird was so smart, why didn't it say something when I put it in the oven?"

`,,``,,``,,`

There's a big conference of beer producers in the most beautiful town in the world: Amsterdam, the Netherlands.

At the end of the day, all of the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar. The president of 'Budweiser' orders a Bud, the president of 'Miller' orders a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, and the list goes on.

Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke! "Why don't you order a Guinness?" his colleagues ask.

"Naah. If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."

`,,``,,``,,`

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.

He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation.

"Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.

He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."

I asked, "What's the difference?"

He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

`,,``,,``,,`

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?".

The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.

As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

`,,``,,``,,`

A father is In church with three of his young children, including his five-year-old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The five-year-old was taken by the whole procedure of pouring water over the infant's head... With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and whispered, "Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?

`,,``,,``,,`

A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall, ice-cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he says, "I'll have a waterloo too.'" The bartender gives him a tall, ice-cold drink. He takes a big drink and says "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water ! " The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it IS water...right Lou?"

`,,``,,``,,`

It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice and cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, l've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "Look, I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: GUEST,Stavanger Bill
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 06:24 AM

A man/woman who has always wanted a parrot, finally manages to acquire one that is a guaranteed talker.

The parrot is delivered to the house, settles in and from that point forth proceeds to F and Blind about the place in a most profuse and obscene manner.

The new owner puts this down to the parrot's previous environment and attempts to change the parrot's behaviour and language by talking to it nicely, playing soothing music and never raising his/her voice. This has absolutely no effect the parrot blithly continues as before.

The owner finally reaches the point of complete frustration, grabs the parrot, gives it a damn good shaking and throws it in the freezer to teach it a lesson. Standing by the freezer the parrot could be heard scrambling about inside, this is interrupted by a loud squawk followed by complete silence.

The owner suddenly thinks - Hell's teeth! I've just paid over two thousand pounds for that bird and I might have killed it. On opening the freezer door the parrot hops out onto the outstretched arm of the owner and climbs up to sit on the owner's shoulder.

As the owner looks at the parrot, the parrot says, "I really do think that I owe you an apology. It's obvious that my language and general behaviour have upset you tremendously and by way of redress I can only offer you my most sincere apologies and my promise that as of now I will definately change my ways."

The owner accepts the parrot's apology and they agree to start from scratch. After a couple of minutes, the parrot nibbles the owner's ear and says, "Excuse me but can I ask you a question". "Yes, certainly! Of course you can" Replies the owner. Then the parrot asks,"Would you mind telling me what the chicken did to upset you."

For Murray,

According to one explanation I've heard. The Skien Dhu translated from gaelic means dark knife. No Highlander could ever be totally unarmed, and the Skien Dhu was traditionally a secret (concealled) weapon, which he would hide on his person. No Clan Chieftan could refuse an audience to any member, or broken man, of his clan. The only condition was that the person requesting the audience had to divest himself of his weapons. But no Highlander could be totally unarmed, so to satisfy all requirements, the person requesting the audience was shown into a room where he would remove all his weapons, take the Skien Dhu from it's normal place of concealment and place it in the top of his hose. The Chieftan would be armed during the audience and would know exactly where the only other person in the room's weapon was. The significance of wearing a Skien Dhu in the top of your hose is that you come in peace, intending no ill-will to any person present.

Bit of a bastard though if having gone through all that rigmaroll your right knee starts to itch.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Wolfgang
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 06:24 AM

Well, Spaw, I sometimes get my laughs in a different way than others. I remember the night when a writer was reading from his new book and I was laughing out loud when he was reading something like 'the small cold sickle of the new moon shed not much light when we went home shortly after midnight'. They all turned to me and I think nobody knew why I was laughing.

I often like 'twisted' jokes better than the original version. Here's one I always tell when the lecture about human errors comes. (I think I can transport the double/single meaning of the relevant word into English) I first tell the original version ("solely for didactical reasons" I say and my grin tells I'm lying):

A man had erectile dysfunction and none of the conventional doctors could help. So he went to this alternative nutrition analysist who told him that eating a lot of whole wheat brown bread would cure his limpness. The man by now was ready to try anything and went into the bakery and said: "Give me three loafs of brown bread please." The seller says: "THREE loafs!!! Aren't you afraid half of it gets hard?" "O.K., give me six loafs then."

This was Elisabeth's joke, she could tell it perfect and we had heard it often for she loved to retell it when a new person came into our group. But we never laughed as hard as we did when one day she told this version (and I retell it "for didactical reasons only" to the audience):
A man had ...went to the nutrition analysist...was told to eat a lot of brown bread...went to the bakery and asked for three loafs of brown bread. The seller says: "THREE loafs!!! Aren't you afraid half of it gets stiff?"...

I just love jokes gone wrong in the telling.

GUEST Date: 28-Nov-01 - 05:17 PM, I have checked the math, I don't see any error.

Wolfgang


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Tone d' F
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 02:12 AM

1st cow:- Moo 2nd cow:- Moo 1st cow:- Moo 2nd cow:- Moo Moo 1st cow:- Don't change the subject

sorry just a load of bull realy


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 01:23 AM

Rick, I think that is very funny but it is only funny because I know the original joke.

And I may as well tell you now that we are not going to rest until all anti-Scottish jokes have been eliminated, They may hide in caves they may hide in canyons, but rest assured we will find them. And we will destroy them.

We will also cut off their financial lifelines, no more Simpsons stereotypes, no more Mike Myers.

God Bless America

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 29 Nov 01 - 01:10 AM

A man of no specific nationality wearing a checked dress-like form of apparal walks into a chemist's shop. He asks the chemist-person in a rather heavy but non prejudicial accent if he may have a latex safe-sex device (which we all should use) repaired. The Chemist-person recoils in horror at the man's request*. "I think you should buy a new one" he/she says. The man in the dress-like form of apparal exits the store, only to return the next day. "After careful consideration, the war mongering running dog Militarist oppressing cartel I belong to has decided to have the item replaced"!

*although not because he/she feels that the man should be censured for displaying any National characteristics of fiscal pucilamity.

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:55 PM

Jim Dixon - ""How did people accused of rudeness and bad taste defend themselves before?"

Well, if I can go by historical novels, cowboy films, etc...they usually responded with further rudeness and bad taste, verbal abuse, fisticuffs, gunplay, and other forms of mindless violence, including frequent duels, carefully organized ahead of time, with seconds and surgeon standing by.

Alexander Hamilton was an unfortunately fatal casualty of one such duel, due to the acrimonious relations between him and Aaron Burr. I always liked Hamilton better. What a bummer.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 11:55 PM

Sorry, Murray. How about this one: What is the sound of one person laughing?


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 09:16 PM

Made me laugh Bill ! Maybe there are politically correct jokes which are funny as well, after all.

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 09:08 PM

let's see if this makes PC ...but it many NOT be funny enuf!

3 buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at an orientation to enter heaven.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 08:20 PM

No more nihilist jokes please, Amos

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 08:01 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:21 PM

Spaw, I agree with you, what good is a pin that doesn't fasten? Its function is purely decorative, it is just one of these things. Sartorially it would be a faux pas of the grossest sort to actually fasten your kilt with the pin. (NB correct application of split infinitive there btw)

It is like the "sghian dhu" (sp?) the knife, or "dirk" which we wear tucked into our "hose" (knee length socks), when we wear the kilt. This is purely ceremonial nowadays, although it had a functional origin, being used in days of yore to gut, or "gralloch" deer, and to dispatch stray Englishmen.

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Teresa
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:16 PM

Hey, Alison, I remember hearing Mick Maloney's version of a song about an Irish immigrant to the States named Kelly, who was going around a large city looking for relatives. He asked people of all different ethnic backgrounds if they knew any Kellys and they all said their names were Kelly.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: AliUK
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:15 PM

Im not even going to try to come up with a PC joke! I mean...whats the point? spaw the pin is to prod the sheep to see if it still alive in the morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: alison
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:07 PM

There were three men all from varying cultures and ethinic backgrounds, all strangely enough christened Paddy, who walked into a bar.................

nope I give up

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Teresa
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:07 PM

What do you call two lesbians on a bus?

Passengers.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Gareth
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:05 PM

Murray - At least we admit our relations with sheep.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 07:01 PM

Okay Murray.....In my lifelong quest to sup at the dogdish of all knowledge, what the hell good is a pin that fastens to the outer layer of a kilt? Not knowing is killing me and if you'll enlighten me I'll see if I can get an extra special discount on a Gordon Bok Fan with the Cookie Duster HEPA filter and the Downeast Crapper Whapper and the switch that allows it to turn on toward morning.

JIM DIXON.....I have no idea Jim, and as someone of bad taste, I should know!!! More to learn, more to learn............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 06:51 PM

Jack, I thought it was funnier the way Jay Leno told it.

And Alex, your joke was funny. Strange thing is that in Scotland we always tell these sheep-shagging jokes about the Welsh ......

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 06:26 PM

Murray MacLeod I think there are thousands of politically correct jokes out there. If we were honestly tying to find such jokes it would be easy to find hundreds and even easier to clean up some existing jokes. It takes a little more effort but I think it is worth it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: mousethief
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 06:20 PM

Boy, take all the fun out of a lame joke why don'tcha.

Alex


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 06:15 PM

Mmm some valiant attempts here, and I am amazed the thread has lasted this long.

Rick, you were doing sooo well ........perseverance, that's what it is all about.

Alex, I have to correct your fallacious statement that kilts fasten with safety pins. The kilt doesn't fasten at all, making it faster still for the kind of special operations which we are sometimes called upon to perform while roaming the heather. The kilt-pin (which can sometimes resemble a large safety pin ), is inserted in the outer layer of the kilt, and does not fasten the garment in the way one might expect.

Wolfgang, I can see now why none of the new wave of comedians list "Statistics Monthly" among their big influences .......... But as a result of your post I am going to suggest to President Bush that airlines issue a bomb to each and every passenger as they board. That should render the probability of an unauthorized bomb to somewhere near zero.

And I agree that Gary T's version was funny. And, I think it probably is a politically correct joke, recent events notwithstanding.

Murray


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 06:09 PM

Politically and historicaly correct version of Mr. Leno's joke.

The French have answered Mr. Bush's request and agree to send troops to Afghanistan. It is generally thought that these troops will be unsuitable and only fit to teach the Taleban to surrender because sixty years ago the French and British armies were overrun by the German Blitzkreig and while remnants of the British Army barely escaped accross the channel at Dunkirk. It should be noted that although it was apparant and inevitable that at some point the USA would be drawn into this conflict, that country chose to bravely wait at home for Germany to increase its hold on the resources of Europe, making the fight all the more difficult.


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Subject: RE: BS: Politically correct jokes
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 28 Nov 01 - 05:19 PM

I'm with Dave... PC is bad joke enough...


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