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Farting in Public

catspaw49 28 Sep 01 - 08:31 PM
Bill D 28 Sep 01 - 08:27 PM
Nancy King 28 Sep 01 - 08:05 PM
Jeremiah McCaw 28 Sep 01 - 07:04 AM
Trevor 28 Sep 01 - 04:35 AM
Liz the Squeak 28 Sep 01 - 02:29 AM
GUEST 27 Sep 01 - 10:54 PM
AliUK 27 Sep 01 - 09:22 PM
rangeroger 27 Sep 01 - 08:45 PM
53 27 Sep 01 - 07:15 PM
Paul from Hull 27 Sep 01 - 07:07 PM
VoxFox 27 Sep 01 - 06:58 PM
Jane2001 27 Sep 01 - 06:28 PM
Bill D 27 Sep 01 - 05:25 PM
Fortunato 27 Sep 01 - 03:36 PM
Liz the Squeak 27 Sep 01 - 03:30 PM
mooman 27 Sep 01 - 03:11 PM
Ditchdweller 27 Sep 01 - 03:00 PM
Wyrd Sister 27 Sep 01 - 02:58 PM
GUEST,Fartin Tartan 27 Sep 01 - 02:56 PM
53 27 Sep 01 - 02:23 PM
Steve in Idaho 27 Sep 01 - 01:27 PM
Mrrzy 27 Sep 01 - 01:18 PM
Mr Red 27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM
Mike Byers 27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM
Jim Dixon 27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM
Clinton Hammond 27 Sep 01 - 01:00 PM
Mrrzy 27 Sep 01 - 12:57 PM
LR Mole 27 Sep 01 - 12:49 PM
Biskit 27 Sep 01 - 12:24 PM
GUEST,JohnB 27 Sep 01 - 12:23 PM
GUEST,Steve Parkes 27 Sep 01 - 12:07 PM
Bill D 27 Sep 01 - 12:02 PM
53 27 Sep 01 - 11:52 AM
mooman 27 Sep 01 - 11:18 AM
GUEST,Steve Parkes 27 Sep 01 - 10:31 AM
GUEST,Scabby Doug at work 27 Sep 01 - 10:02 AM
Donuel 27 Sep 01 - 09:58 AM
Jim Dixon 27 Sep 01 - 09:49 AM
Jim Dixon 27 Sep 01 - 09:41 AM
sophocleese 27 Sep 01 - 08:37 AM
Ella who is Sooze 27 Sep 01 - 08:36 AM
Murray MacLeod 27 Sep 01 - 08:29 AM
Jim Dixon 27 Sep 01 - 08:27 AM
Jim Dixon 27 Sep 01 - 08:14 AM
GUEST,Mandolin King 27 Sep 01 - 07:13 AM
IanC 27 Sep 01 - 05:43 AM
alanww 27 Sep 01 - 05:43 AM
GUEST 27 Sep 01 - 05:37 AM
KingBrilliant 27 Sep 01 - 05:13 AM
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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 08:31 PM

Lest you all think this is a new subject to the 'Cat, please go back and read this thread.......Facts on Farts (Phartin Phenomena) which is filled with 'information'....so to speak.

For a somewhat scientific view of the art of the fart, CLICK HERE

To give an added punch to your farts, try this salsa recipe.

And of course the last rip on naming them goes to "The Crepitation Contest" between Lord Winderschmear and Paul Boomer. Chanteyranger was good enough to make a copy for me as it had been many years since I lost my vinyl to this classic.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 08:27 PM

that's a "fundimental" system...*grin*


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Nancy King
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 08:05 PM

ROTFLMAO!!!

We used to have a rudimentary (I use that word advisedly) classification system: There was the Squeaker, the SBD (Silent But Deadly), the Tear-Ass Rattler, the Thunder-Rumble, etc.

Cheers, Nancy


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 07:04 AM

Had a friend who related that he was doing yoga one day, and tried a new posture which translated as "gas relief position" and was astounded to find it very accurately labeled. Said it was so bad that even the dogs ran howling from the room!

Somewhere around the turn of the century (previous one, that is) there was a performer in the French music halls (read: "bordellos") known as "Le Petomaine" who was able to fart in pitch. I believe the "Marseillaise" was his show-stopper. ("Le Petomaine" derives from "peterade" -sp? - defined in my larousse as 1} a series of short sharp explosions; 2} a series of farts) (Even sillier sidelight: 'twas while in search for this definition that I accidently discovered the fine irony that in French the word for 'lesbian' is considered a masculine noun!)

Trivia: homage to the above was paid by Mel Brooks in "Blazing Saddles". His governor character was named "William G. Lepetomaine".


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Trevor
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 04:35 AM

This thread has me absolutely on my back, laughing like the aliens in the 'Smash' advert (USA catters - you had to be there). Have you ever noticed,when the dog farts while he's lying in front of the fire, he lifts his head and looks round, wondering where its come from before realising that it was him and going down for the big sniff. Ther's a brilliant Bill Cosby recording where he talks about being on his honeymoon and never having farted in front of his wife before. He's trying to hold on to it 'until my leg was aching'.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 02:29 AM

I knew my best friend's family and I were going to get on real well when her mother let loose a 'calico ripper' and DIDN'T blame the dogs! (For the term calico ripper - take a piece of calico or other tough cotton material. Rip it from end to end. Should last about 3-5 seconds and be audible in another room).

The changeover from church pews to comfortable chairs has meant the demise of the 'hymn book dropper'. That rattle or rumble down the back of the pew that makes you drop your hymn book in a desperate attempt to hide your face during the prayers, because it only happens during the prayers. Never during the loud bits. Although a certain 'trumpet voluntary' has been heard over some of the more energetic chorus type songs....

The best one I ever heard came from the arse of no less a person than the Archbishop of Canterbury himself..... Ah, the "advantages" of sitting in the choir.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 10:54 PM

I used to go with a girl who was a farter - had no problems just letting it out. Pretty interesting I must say - it only flipped me out when I realized that she inherited this gift from her father AND mother. Nothing weirder than your girfriend's mom farting on purpose in front of you!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 09:22 PM

I remember one time when I was singing at a club near my home town and let rip in the middle of a very poigniant moment of the song. The acoustics were wonderful at that club...the ale too.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: rangeroger
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 08:45 PM

The way to tell if a woman is wearing panty hose is her ankles swell when she farts.

rr


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: 53
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 07:15 PM

fart while you are in church and the preacher is praying, you know one of thos #4 farts. bob


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 07:07 PM

Jane, I can well believe it of the girls.....*GRINS*

Great thread folks, btw...had me in fits of laughter time & time again!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: VoxFox
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 06:58 PM

OH MY GAWD, I'm dying here Bill. Tears are rolling down my face and my hands are shaking so much I can hardly type.That has to be the best ever. Wait, I have to clean the spittle off my screen. Ok, done now, oooops, guess not. I'm sure glad I didn't have beans for supper. VF


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jane2001
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 06:28 PM

When my daughter was in her teens, she and her friends displayed highly laudable scientific interest in the combustible nature of farts. I told them how to collect them by displacement of water so that they could carry out their experiments in safety. Years later they told me that they used to keep jam jars of farts in various stages of ripeness inside their desks to be unleashed at suitable moments.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 05:25 PM

years ago, my ex-wife and I were standing in the den talking to a friend..(TOTALLY forget who now..)...when suddenly, I felt a buildup of gas in my nether regions...and *brrrrrraaappp*...I let loose with an enormous fart!...well, there was this awkward pause, as I tried to summon some apology...when, from my wife there came this tiny little *poot*..about .072% the size of mine. She looked up innocently, and with a perfectly straight face says, "It took me a minute to think of the answer."

....it is still one of the best imprompteau lines I have heard...


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Fortunato
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 03:36 PM

"It was only flatulation, I know."


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 03:30 PM

There is an entertaining little volume entitled 'A History of Farting' (available for perusal in our bathroom), by Dr Benjamin Bart... which has a great deal of information both anecdotal and medical about anal eructations, a most pleasing thing to read whilst engaged upon other 'tasks' in the same room...

Did not the Emperor Claudius decree that farting was essential? One of the consuls dropped dead of intestinal troubles because he would not fart in front the Emperor, so Claudius decreed that farting was permissable.

And champagne corks are supposed to come out of the bottle with a 'sound like an angel's fart', rather than this vulgar popping sound and spray everywhere... unless of course that is how angels fart....

And I'm surprised no one has formed a blue clicky to the infamous 'cat farts' thread yet.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: mooman
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 03:11 PM

As an "amateur" myself (as they say in these parts) of this fair art, I decided to consult one of my favourite sources, the very excellent Sick Notes - An Alphabetical Browsing-Book of Derivations, Abbreviations, Mnemonics and Slang for the Amusement and Edification of Medic, Nurses, Patients and Hypochondriacs by Fritz Spiegl. Not unsurprisingly, it proved once again an invaluable resource.

Spiegl cites two important treatises on farting: Thurlow's Essays on Wind of 1825 which describes "five or six species of fart" and a French paper L'art de peter, Essai theori-physique et methodique (sorry can't do the proper acute accents on this keyboard!) published in 1776.

More interestingly he also quotes from the Merck Manual of Diagnosis and Therapy of 1993 which is pretty much the standard "bible" to be found on any general practicioner's desk. Surprisingly, this learned tome is remarkably staightforward in its language of classifying "four fart types" as follows:

1) The "slider": (crowded elevator type), which is released slowly and noiselessly, sometimes with devastating effect

2) The open sphincter or "pooh" type: said to be of a higher temperature and more aromatic

3) The staccato or drumbeat type, pleasantly passed in privacy (this is the spurious connection to a music forum!)

4) The "bark" type, characterised by a sharp exclamatory eruption that effectively interrupts (and often concludes) conversation. Aromaticity is not a feature.

Speigl goes on at much greater length but I recommend you procure a copy of this excellent book to enjoy both that and its many other gems of information.

All of this deliberation let me to further ponder how these four fart types could best be described onomatopoeically.

Reading earlier posts in this thread, 'Spaw's "BBBRRRAAAAWWWWMMMPPP" probably refers to type 4, although my keen ear detects the presence of an "M" which could hint at a touch of moisture, which could point towards type 2. Clearly aromaticity could be an important classification criterion here but we on this forum are sadly not in a position to judge on this (perhaps a task for FSGW attendees?).

Since flatulence makes a regular appearance on this site, it would be interesting to get the views of other 'Catters on the onomatopoeic representation of the other fart types so that we may more accurately transcribe them in our future postings.

Yours fartfully,

mooman


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Ditchdweller
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 03:00 PM

1st Verse for Hamish:-

At tea with the dutchess McPhee,

She said "Sir, do you fart when you pee?"

I replied "Not a bit!"

"Do you belch when you s***?"

"A capital answer!" Said She


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Wyrd Sister
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 02:58 PM

Jean Genet said something about carrying farts like roses to his nose. But it's 30yrs since I read it so I can't remember exactly.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Fartin Tartan
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 02:56 PM

I sat with the duchess to tea
She enquired "Do you fart when you pee?"
I replied "Not a bit -
Do you belch when you s**t?"
And I felt that was one up to me.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: 53
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 02:23 PM

that sounds like a dweeb to me. bob


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 01:27 PM

I love the long high reedy sounds, I love the quiet ones in an elevator, dogs in their sleep, loud and raucous in private - or not - they all make me laugh!!

Anyone who has been with a Rifle Company after a long night on watch - ah the rising of the tunes - it's a stress reliever, a contest, a fitting end (pun intended) to a jovial night of music with friends while standing in the parking lot. Oh to be a kid again and have the freedom to express myself in the office -

What a hoot!!! Steve


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 01:18 PM

My father told me that the original definition of a "dweeb" was someone who farted in the bathtub just to watch the bubbles - Can anyone confirm that?


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mr Red
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM

Is this a report?
bum bum

I once sang "Waltzing Matilda" standing on my head
The Folk Club (in the UK of course) cracked-up because not only was I singing Oz style while my girlfriend held my ankles but she tried to pour beer down my trouser leg & couples got up and waltzed around the floor.
A beer break was called immediately thereafter in deference to any poor sole who tried to follow that.
I can't see that FC accepting such antics now - po faced IS the word.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mike Byers
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM

The absolute worst place for mass, uncontrolled public farts is an altitude chamber. Physics dictates that as the chamber is pumped to a lower pressure, internal gases will expand. And expand they do, with great vigor. Fortunately, you are usually wearing an oxygen mask, as the experience otherwise might not be survivable.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 01:16 PM

Here is Benjamin Franklin's A Letter to the Royal Academy of Brussels.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 01:00 PM

What was the line on Enterprise last night?

You can't be afraid of the wind....


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mrrzy
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 12:57 PM

Once in a grocery store, one of my sis-out-laws (with small child in cart) let loose a really foul, but silent, miasma. She was trying to walk out of the cloud when her child piped up (at the top of his lungs, of course) I smell Mommy farts! - and she couldn't even pretend it wasn't her child, poor thing!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: LR Mole
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 12:49 PM

Pleasantries and transparent excuses:
Damn rats.
(Glancing upward) Barking spiders.
(Glancing down) Floorboards...
And wasn't there one where you pretended it was the first note of a song you were singing?


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Biskit
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 12:24 PM

little lady Helen--Ne'er blush my child; thoul't tickle thy tender maidenhedde with many a mousy squeak before thous learnst to blow a hurricane like this!! OH GEEEZ, classic Clemmens! I laughed 'till I cried,..then I laughed some more! ~B~


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,JohnB
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 12:23 PM

How dare you fart before my wife! Sorry I did not know it was her turn, said the drunk. JohnB


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Steve Parkes
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 12:07 PM

Two distinct jets--I am impressed!

steve


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 12:02 PM

All Armed Forces Champion


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: 53
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 11:52 AM

fart or not to fart that is the question. i say if you gotta you gotta, that's how bob dylan wrote the song, blowin in the wind. bob


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: mooman
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 11:18 AM

There are certainly references to farting in Chaucer but one of my favourite passages on the subject is from Francoise Rabelais' "Gargantua and Pantagruel". Certainly one can see from this that Pantagruel could have been a worthy rival to our own dear 'Spaw!

Then said Pantagruel, Come, my lads, let us begone! we have stayed here too long about our victuals; for very seldom doth it fall out that the greatest eaters do the most martial exploits. There is no shadow like that of flying colours, no smoke like that of horses, no clattering like that of armour. At this Epistemon began to smile, and said, There is no shadow like that of the kitchen, no smoke like that of pasties, and no clattering like that of goblets. Unto which answered Panurge, There is no shadow like that of curtains, no smoke like that of women's breasts, and no clattering like that of ballocks. Then forthwith rising up he gave a fart, a leap, and a whistle, and most joyfully cried out aloud, Ever live Pantagruel! When Pantagruel saw that, he would have done as much; but with the fart that he let the earth trembled nine leagues about, wherewith and with the corrupted air he begot above three and fifty thousand little men, ill- favoured dwarfs, and with one fisg that he let he made as many little women, crouching down, as you shall see in divers places, which never grow but like cow's tails, downwards, or, like the Limosin radishes, round. How now! said Panurge, are your farts so fertile and fruitful? By God, here be brave farted men and fisgued women; let them be married together; they will beget fine hornets and dorflies. So did Pantagruel, and called them pigmies. Those he sent to live in an island thereby, where since that time they are increased mightily. But the cranes make war with them continually, against which they do most courageously defend themselves; for these little ends of men and dandiprats (whom in Scotland they call whiphandles and knots of a tar-barrel) are commonly very testy and choleric; the physical reason whereof is, because their heart is near their spleen.

mooman


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Steve Parkes
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 10:31 AM

Then Nicolas let flee a fart
As round as goeth a thunder-clap

The Miller's Tale

Funny how some bits stick in you r mind, isn't it?

Steve, trying to keep a straight face as I type in the <BR>s


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Scabby Doug at work
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 10:02 AM

(Slaps own wrist for posting as GUEST)

Re the history of farting: St. Augustine (The City of God, XIV:24) cites the instance of a man who could command his rear trumpet to sound at will, which his learned commentator fortifies with the example of one who could do so in tune!
(from the 1601 article I (very very badly) linked to above)

Cheers

Steven


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 09:58 AM

I think Ben Franklin wrote a classic on this subject.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 09:49 AM

From "Brief Lives," by John Aubrey:

Edward De Vere: Earl of Oxford

This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his return the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart.


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Subject: Lyr Add: SUMER IS ICUMEN IN
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 09:41 AM

SUMER IS ICUMEN IN
(Anonymous Middle English, c. 1260)

Sumer is icumen in,
Lhude sing, cuccu!
Groweth sed and bloweth med
And springth the wude nu.
Sing, cuccu!

Awe bleteth after lomb,
Lhouth after calve cu
Bulloc sterteth, bucke ferteth.
Murie sing, cuccu!
Cuccu, cuccu,
Wel singes thu, cuccu.
Ne swik thu naver nu!

Sing cuccu nu, sing cuccu!
Sing cuccu nu, sing cuccu!

[Modernized spelling:]

Summer is a-coming in
Loudly sing, cuckoo!
Groweth seed and bloometh meadow
And springeth the wood anew.
Sing, cuckoo!

Ewe bleateth after lamb,
Loweth after calf, cow.
Bullock leapeth, buck farteth,
Merrily sing, cuckoo!
Cuckoo, cuckoo!
Well singest thou, cuckoo!
Nor cease thou never, now!

Sing cuckoo now, sing cuckoo!
Sing cuckoo now, sing cuckoo!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: sophocleese
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 08:37 AM

There is a story of farting in One Thousand and One Arabian Nights. Of course I can't remember when that was first published.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 08:36 AM

oh lovely, it's ye olde versione of ....

quick burgulars, and being held captive under the duvet...


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Murray MacLeod
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 08:29 AM

As a matter of interest, would the earliest known literary reference to farting be in Chaucer ? I seem to remember one of the Canterbury Tales being particularly bawdy, and containing an account of a lady farting in her blindfolded lovers face. Probably the "Miller's Tale," if memory serves me right.

Murray


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 08:27 AM

Jewish law apparently prescribes a special prayer to be used if one needs to "break wind or sneeze" while praying:

"Master of the Universe, You have created us with many openings and cavities. Our shame and our disgrace are open and known before You; shame and disgrace during our lifetime, worms and insects after death."

Details here.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 08:14 AM

While searching for a more readable version of 1601, I found it quoted in its entirety by a certain flatulence-obsessed gentleman who calls himself Dr. Salvo. Although Dr. Salvo has some witticisms of his own worth reading, you can skip all that and go directly to Twain's text by searching for the word "Yesternight" -- and the same trick works with the Project Gutenberg text that Steven linked to above.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Mandolin King
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 07:13 AM

2 interesting things in that vein have happened to me while working the 3rd shift at a convenience store. One was a very attractive girl of about 25 who was in shopping and while bending over to get a cold drink from the cooler she let out an amazingly loud and long fart. She was so embarrassed about it but I just let her know it was no big deal and happened al the time in the store (I guess even the "beautiful people" fart too). The other wasn't farting but was also on the 3rd shift in which 3 girls of about 20 or so came in with trench coats on at about 3 AM and proceeded to take them off to reveal that they were totally nude (I think it was a college initiation thing as it's near the college and they stayed for like 5 minutes pretending to shop). Needless to say - I volunteered for night duty for quite some time after that. No other nudies though :(


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: IanC
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 05:43 AM

Olde Englise Rhyme, learned from my father.

Where e'er ye be, let your win run free
In Church or Chapel, let it rattle

;-)


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: alanww
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 05:43 AM

I remember in the lobby of the changing rooms / toilet block on the camp site at Chippenham FF at about 2 am during the usual singaround [a good place to be as Alan White had fixed up a barrel of real ale!]. Well just as someone was in the fifth verse of a rather boring sad ballad ... a noise was heard.
Well, the problem wasn't that it happened but I shook it out of my trousers and I stamped on it to kill it (as you do!) At that point several of us sniggered so much that we had to retreat into one of the changing room and we couldn't stop giggling until after he had finished his song ...

"Don't mind the wind ...!"
Alan


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 05:37 AM

Re: the Mark Twain 1601 thing try this link

If you search form project gutenberg , and then look for "Mark Twain 1601"

And it is funny..

Cheers

Steven


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: KingBrilliant
Date: 27 Sep 01 - 05:13 AM

Oh my Lord!!!! I did it only yesterday. Right next to the cereals in Tesco. Luckily there was no-one nearby.
The worst farts in the world come from Hamm's backside. She is truly foul - and insists that I should join her in sniffing them in deeply the better to appreciate them.

Kris


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