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Farting in Public

catspaw49 06 Oct 01 - 10:19 PM
GUEST,Genie 06 Oct 01 - 10:04 PM
GUEST,Flawn 06 Oct 01 - 09:01 PM
AliUK 06 Oct 01 - 07:58 PM
Son of the Mill 06 Oct 01 - 06:35 PM
catspaw49 06 Oct 01 - 05:17 PM
GUEST 06 Oct 01 - 05:06 PM
catspaw49 06 Oct 01 - 02:59 AM
Genie 06 Oct 01 - 02:41 AM
CapriUni 02 Oct 01 - 12:39 PM
Metchosin 02 Oct 01 - 10:52 AM
guinnesschik 02 Oct 01 - 09:41 AM
kendall 02 Oct 01 - 08:15 AM
alanww 02 Oct 01 - 04:49 AM
Metchosin 02 Oct 01 - 04:37 AM
MudGuard 02 Oct 01 - 03:11 AM
GUEST,Genie 02 Oct 01 - 03:10 AM
GUEST,Helping Hand 01 Oct 01 - 11:37 PM
GUEST 01 Oct 01 - 11:04 PM
Paul from Hull 01 Oct 01 - 10:03 PM
GUEST 01 Oct 01 - 09:37 PM
CapriUni 01 Oct 01 - 02:38 PM
GUEST,siouxsie 01 Oct 01 - 02:22 PM
kendall 01 Oct 01 - 02:03 PM
Steve in Idaho 01 Oct 01 - 01:37 PM
GUEST,MC Fat 01 Oct 01 - 09:57 AM
CapriUni 01 Oct 01 - 01:08 AM
Bernard 30 Sep 01 - 07:32 PM
DancingMom 30 Sep 01 - 05:59 PM
GUEST 29 Sep 01 - 07:27 PM
Banjer 29 Sep 01 - 07:18 PM
AliUK 29 Sep 01 - 07:09 PM
GUEST,Argenine 29 Sep 01 - 02:14 PM
VoxFox 29 Sep 01 - 10:34 AM
Banjer 29 Sep 01 - 07:11 AM
GUEST,Amy Canada 29 Sep 01 - 06:42 AM
GUEST,me again 29 Sep 01 - 05:30 AM
GUEST,guest 29 Sep 01 - 05:06 AM
Mr Red 29 Sep 01 - 04:32 AM
catspaw49 28 Sep 01 - 11:15 PM
GUEST,Genie 28 Sep 01 - 11:02 PM
GUEST 28 Sep 01 - 11:01 PM
GUEST,Genie 28 Sep 01 - 10:54 PM
Mark Cohen 28 Sep 01 - 09:43 PM
CapriUni 28 Sep 01 - 09:20 PM
Tattie Bogle 28 Sep 01 - 09:15 PM
catspaw49 28 Sep 01 - 09:07 PM
AliUK 28 Sep 01 - 08:52 PM
AliUK 28 Sep 01 - 08:50 PM
AliUK 28 Sep 01 - 08:47 PM
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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 10:19 PM

LOL....Aw geez Genie, I was just kidding you on the fart link thing!!! The reason I originally linked that one is that Max went to Penn State and I like to give him hell about it. There ain't no rule........well except that of you eat my hot wings you must not complain about how painful it is to fart.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 10:04 PM

Spaw,
Did I goof -- on two counts?
I'm afraid I looked at the linked site only briefly and did not realize it was that gross. (I checked out a couple of other links which were ovbiously gross, so I didn't pass them on.)
If I was supposed to acknowledge the person who originally posted the link, sorry for the omission.
Genie


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Flawn
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 09:01 PM

On the serious side of farting:

The current "News of the Weird" (in papers, not yet on website) describes an incident in Evanston IL where two mothers and their newborns were exposed to necrotizing fascitis bacteria via farts released by the surgeon who performed Caeserian section operations on them.

All are reported well now.

As if the world didn't have enough to worry about!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 07:58 PM

hahahahahahahahahahhahaha. Reminds me of the time my wife was in a department store, the shop assistant bent down behind her just as she dropped an SBD. I've never seen anybody get up so quickly in my life.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Son of the Mill
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 06:35 PM

A woman visits a doctor complaining of flatulence...... "However", she goes on to explain, " They don't smell and they are silent, for example I've done it twice since I've been here!"."I don't think this is too much of a problem," replies the doctor, "I'll prescribe some pills for the flatulence, in the meantime I'll make an appointment with the audiologist, and these nose drops should give you back your sense of smell".


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 05:17 PM

I assume you're getting therapy or treatment then Guest?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 05:06 PM

I love it when women fart. Most of them try to lead us to believe that they never do - but I love when a fart slips out! Ever hang out by the bathroom door when a woman is in it? Great sounds.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 02:59 AM

Uh-huh..............So Genie...........No credit due the original poster of that grossly obnoxious link then???(:<))

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Genie
Date: 06 Oct 01 - 02:41 AM

Here's more, from a very old thread

Click here


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 12:39 PM

Also, to bring this thread back to music is this 17th century catch posted by MMario last year:

A Lady and her Mayde"

(now who posted here that men fart more than women? ;-))


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 10:52 AM

Thanks Alan, I think that further proves that farting and folk music are one and the same.*BG*

Now with Spaw's raw talent, I'm sure it would only take a few lessons on his instrument before he could eventually blow off a few licks and end up sitting on a fortune.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: guinnesschik
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 09:41 AM

Ah, good ol' Mudcat! I've spewed coffee on my screen this morning.

When my beautiful 13 year old daughter was but a wee two year old, we were standing in a Christmas crowded line with our purchase. The little one ripped a huge gusty fart, and without missing a beat looked over at me and said with pure disgust, "Mommy!" The line cleared, and the cashier couldn't understand my inability to speak and the tears in my eyes. I've never been more proud of that child!

For fun stories about farting and really good nicknames for farts, go to www.fartfarm.com

Letting Fluffy off the leash...


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: kendall
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 08:15 AM

..the wind in the wires made a tattle tale sound, and a wave broke over the railing...


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: alanww
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:49 AM

Brilliant, Metchosin! If only I had that skill ... !

Don't mind the wind ...!"
Alan


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Metchosin
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:37 AM

To turn this thread back into something music related click here


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: MudGuard
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:11 AM

Is this where the title for "Blow Ye Winds" came from? Is it truly about farting?

The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind...


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:10 AM

On one of Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion Shows, in the News From Lake Woebegon, he talked about a fraternal organization (like the Moose, Elk, etc.) in which one of therir annual highlights was to fart a particular melody in unisong in front of their wives and families.
Maybe I can find the reference to that particular show. It was priceless.
Genie


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Helping Hand
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 11:37 PM

For all the fart and poop info you ever needed (or never needed):

www.fart.com/question.html


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 11:04 PM

Is this where the title for "Blow Ye Winds" came from? Is it truly about farting? ('Tis a joke)


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Paul from Hull
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 10:03 PM

"Blow winds, & crack your cheeks!"

King Lear


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 09:37 PM

I've been reading this thread and laughing so hard I farted myself - too bad no one else was around to enjoy it.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:38 PM

Kendall --

You wrote:

"There once was a fella named Carter
He was a world famous farter
He could fart anything
From God Save the King
To Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata."

In Shakespeare's day (when they were far less prudish about these things than we were), farting a tune was a recognized, if not exzctly a respectable, skill. I believe there are a couple of lines from one of his plays that refers to this, in jest. I don't remember the lines exactly, and I can't remember if they are from "Hamlet" or from "Taming of the Shrew" (and I may be wrong in both cases), but the gist is something like this:

Man 1: And will there be musicians?
Man 2: Yes M'lord. They play wind instruments.
Man 1: Ah! Thereby hangs a tale ...

(and you thought 'Catters came up with groaners of puns! ;-))


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,siouxsie
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:22 PM

An aunty of mine married an indian prince, and she was rather put out that he would never take her to any social functions. He knew a little about English "etiquate" but she didn't know much of his country's traditions. She eventually pestered him so much that he took her along to one of the dinners. There they ate a really good feast and sat farting for the rest of the night. It was considered complementary to the chef!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: kendall
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:03 PM

When I first saw this thread I thought, my God! is nothing off the table? Today, I was going to read the whole thing, then protest. But, far from being offensive, I have been LMAO!!

I have a Labrador retriever who likes to lay near me, and, thats ok until he farts. Then, you can not imagine a more foul odor, I swear it would knock a Hyena off a gut wagon. Plus, it makes my eyes smart, and it sets off the smoke alarm.

There once was a fella named Carter
He was a world famous farter
He could fart anything
From God Save the King
To Beethovens Moonlight Sonata.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 01:37 PM

Arg - you're killin me!!! ROTFLMAO - - Steve


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,MC Fat
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 09:57 AM

I've just put this message on the 'Nudity in Public' thread but perhaps it belongs more in here !! A few years ago whilst working for Doncaster Libraries I had a farting experience par excellance. At the time I ran the Doncaster Folk Club and this required me to drink copious quantities of rather fine Guinness every Tuesday night. Guinness as most people know is the best fart makers next to beans known to mankind. My staff hated Wednesdays we were located in a samll office with 'no windows'.My desk was located with my back to the door, I felt a real cracker coming on and lifted my backside off the chair pointing my arse into the air and let rip a real thunderer. Unfortunately I hadn't noticed that a hush had just descended on the room because the Audio Visual Librarian who also happened to be a vicar's wife was stood behind me about to ask me a question about a request for some folk music. She got full blast. After much profuse apologies I could only think of the old joke 'How dare you fart before the Vicar's wife !! Sory I didn't know it was her turn !!'


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 01:08 AM

Um, Bernard, you wrote

"(runs away giggling manically, carefully avoiding badly aimed rotten fruit...)"

Who said it was badly aimed?!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Bernard
Date: 30 Sep 01 - 07:32 PM

Why do men fart more often than women?

Because women can't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up the required pressure...
(runs away giggling manically, carefully avoiding badly aimed rotten fruit...)


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: DancingMom
Date: 30 Sep 01 - 05:59 PM

I feel better about my fart-obsessed 9- year-old son.

The Phartin Phenomena thread is hysterically funny.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 07:27 PM

It's amazing this thing that we've started/ Knowing at times we've all have farted/ But praise I do say/ don't send it my way/ I've got my OWN smells I've discarded


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Banjer
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 07:18 PM

AliUK, Strictly in the interest of furthering the education and forming of the young minds you work with I offer the rest of the first ditty:

Beans, beans, good for your heart,
The more you eat the more you fart,
The more you fart the better you feel,
Let's have beans for every meal!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 07:09 PM

Bean, beans are good for your heart. The more you eat the more you fart.
or for the american version: Beans, beans the musical fruit. the more you eat the more you toot.


here's another one for after you've belched:

Pardon me for being so rude, it was not me it was my food. It just popped up to say hello, and now it's gone back down below. If had been below my heart, then it would have been a fart..

I use that one to teach the present perfect tense to my teenage students.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Argenine
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 02:14 PM

Folks, I think we've just about hit bottom!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: VoxFox
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 10:34 AM

Here's a ditty we used to say: Here I sit brokenhearted, Paid a dime but only farted, Then I thought I'd take a chance, Saved my dime but shit my pants. LOL VH


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Banjer
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 07:11 AM

Seen on a bathroom wall....

Here I sit broken hearted
Thought I'd shit but only farted!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Amy Canada
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 06:42 AM

While removing my clothes for a bath/ A teriible odor came into my path/ 'cause that squeak on the floor/ was a little bit more/ It was me farting up my own draft!

or

I pulled down my pants on the loo/ Just waiting and waiting to poo/ but all that came out/ was a fart with such clout/ that I fell off the pot as it grew

or

While mooning my friends in Toledo/ I ripped a hole in my borrowed tuxedo/ My friends all applauded/ my fine ass was then lauded/ for the result of a bottle of Beano


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,me again
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 05:30 AM

That's the Hornleg, Mississippi, Missionary Baptist Church.


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 05:06 AM

There is a distinctly apropos song, "Daddy Cut the Big One" in which each verse ends, "When Daddy cut the big one, in the Hornleg, Mississippi, da-da-da-da Baptist Church."


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mr Red
Date: 29 Sep 01 - 04:32 AM

Mrrzy
re bathtub -
I always heard it that if they counted the bubbles they were puff adders (UK snake)


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 11:15 PM

The other Duchess limerick where the Duchess "scores:"

As I sat by the Duchess at tea
She asked if an eggplant I ever did see
I replied, "Yes," rather bored,
And she said, "Sir you've explored,"
Up a hen's ass much further than me!"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 11:02 PM

There! This time it should say "Genie" without the "guest."


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 11:01 PM

BTW, the reference I made above to "frump" was "someone who farts in the bathtub and bites the bubbles.

Also, here is a corrected version of the "San Francisco" parody;

I let a fart in San Francisco,
High on a hill by the Bay so fair. It cleared out several Cable Cars And upscale singles' bars-- That gaseous fog sure fouled the air! But, who cares? You left me there in San Francisco, A very blue and windy me! If I come back to you, San Francisco, There'll be a warrant out for me!

Genie (whose cookie expired after first sign-in this evening and had to be reset)


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: GUEST,Genie
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 10:54 PM

•Here is Hamish's limerick, with line breaks added:

I sat next a duchess at tea
As emarrassing a time as could be
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenominal
And everyone thought it was me


•Actually, Mrrzy, when I was a teenager, my brother told me that was the definition of "frump."

•Fortunato,
Here's more of the song you started:

It was flatulation, I know
And it should have ended right there with that "pop."
You were passing wind, just like all your kin,
And it could have gone on all day without stopping.
It was flatulation, I know,
I could hear you over the banjos and drums.
When I took your hand for the dance, I could sense it:
Flatulation from your bum.

Here's one I started to write a couple of years ago when my nephews were at that stage where everything scatalogical was hilarious to them.


I let a fart in San Francisco,
High on a hill above the Bay.
It cleared out several Cable Cars
And upscale singles' bars--
That gaseous fog sure fouled the air!
But, who cares?
You left me there in San Francisco,
A very blue and windy me!
If I come back to you, San Francisco,
There'll be a warrant our for me!


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 09:43 PM

A friend who grew up in Massachusetts but lived in France for a time tells of how she would ask people to repeat something they'd said by saying, "Repetez, s'il vous plait" (the first two e's should have an accent aigu, but I don't know how to do it). Only she pronounced it wrong (without the accents), and she later found out she'd been asking them to "Fart again, please!" It's now a standing joke with her bilingual children.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: CapriUni
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 09:20 PM

If you want to read about some Farts of Folktale, click here ...Maybe this could turn into a song challenge, and folks could try to write a ballad from one of these stories?

Just a thought...


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: Tattie Bogle
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 09:15 PM

My parents rescued an old golden labrador from a dog rescue centre: we soon realised why he had been abandoned by his former owners ( sounds just like Trvor's dog too )

25 years ago I had the misfortune to work with an anaesthetist whose nickname was SBD (silent but deadly): his patients probably didn't need much nitrous oxide or halothane!

Another medical colleague has this theory, which he asserted loudly at a meeting I went to, that no-one would be bothered with Irritable bowel syndrome if they just farted when they wanted to, and didn't hold it all in!

And I could go on, but I have to go to bed and prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmp down the bedclothes!

Tattie


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 09:07 PM

Of course if you can't be there to fart with your friends in public, SEND THEM A FART!!!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 08:52 PM

*sheesh* here's the last line again


I've broken wind, I've dropped my guts
open the window please


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 08:50 PM

For some reason the end of the chorus got cut of each time. here it is in full


I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans


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Subject: RE: Farting in Public
From: AliUK
Date: 28 Sep 01 - 08:47 PM

"I'VE FARTED"
I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans

A gentleman tells before it smells
But I'm the kind of cheeky bugger
who lets off and doesn't let on.
I've let them off in bus queues
In phone boxes and trains
and when they stink the people blink and blame it on the drains.


I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans Bubbles in the bath
real rip snorters
up on one cheek and hope it don't make a noise
window rattlers
cushion creamers
don't shake your leg and keep it in your couderoys


I've farted, I've farted,
I've made my trouser cough
I've whistled in me Y-Fronts
I've just peeled one off
I've blown my bowel bugle
I've been eating beans
that snippet of song comes from a boyhood summer cackling to a record of IVOR BIGGUN AND THE RED NOSED BURGLERS that I found in my uncle's record collection, and unfortunately that's all I can remember of it.


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