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BS - Cow tipping...is it real???

Little Hawk 26 Feb 01 - 09:31 PM
bet 26 Feb 01 - 09:43 PM
Matt_R 26 Feb 01 - 09:45 PM
GUEST,MichaelM 26 Feb 01 - 09:48 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 01 - 09:50 PM
catspaw49 26 Feb 01 - 09:53 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 01 - 09:54 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 01 - 09:59 PM
flattop 26 Feb 01 - 10:07 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 01 - 10:15 PM
catspaw49 26 Feb 01 - 10:18 PM
flattop 26 Feb 01 - 10:27 PM
Matt_R 26 Feb 01 - 10:35 PM
Katcina 26 Feb 01 - 10:37 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 01 - 10:40 PM
GUEST,khandu 26 Feb 01 - 10:48 PM
Gray Rooster 26 Feb 01 - 10:51 PM
flattop 26 Feb 01 - 10:55 PM
Little Hawk 26 Feb 01 - 11:10 PM
mousethief 26 Feb 01 - 11:32 PM
catspaw49 26 Feb 01 - 11:34 PM
Matt_R 26 Feb 01 - 11:42 PM
flattop 26 Feb 01 - 11:47 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 12:12 AM
flattop 27 Feb 01 - 12:26 AM
catspaw49 27 Feb 01 - 12:32 AM
Spud Murphy 27 Feb 01 - 12:35 AM
wysiwyg 27 Feb 01 - 12:51 AM
Spud Murphy 27 Feb 01 - 12:57 AM
wysiwyg 27 Feb 01 - 01:03 AM
Spud Murphy 27 Feb 01 - 01:29 AM
wysiwyg 27 Feb 01 - 01:57 AM
Spud Murphy 27 Feb 01 - 02:02 AM
Gary T 27 Feb 01 - 02:17 AM
Ebbie 27 Feb 01 - 02:57 AM
Liz the Squeak 27 Feb 01 - 03:14 AM
Banjer 27 Feb 01 - 03:25 AM
SINSULL 27 Feb 01 - 08:31 AM
wysiwyg 27 Feb 01 - 09:12 AM
SINSULL 27 Feb 01 - 09:28 AM
LR Mole 27 Feb 01 - 09:37 AM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 12:41 PM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 27 Feb 01 - 12:46 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 12:59 PM
Kim C 27 Feb 01 - 01:44 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 03:18 PM
Kim C 27 Feb 01 - 03:25 PM
SINSULL 27 Feb 01 - 03:27 PM
Don Firth 27 Feb 01 - 03:32 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 03:38 PM
Hawker 27 Feb 01 - 03:44 PM
CarolC 27 Feb 01 - 03:50 PM
Max 27 Feb 01 - 03:56 PM
Kim C 27 Feb 01 - 04:37 PM
SINSULL 27 Feb 01 - 04:42 PM
MMario 27 Feb 01 - 04:44 PM
Ebbie 27 Feb 01 - 04:59 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 05:10 PM
Hawker 27 Feb 01 - 05:22 PM
Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) 27 Feb 01 - 06:04 PM
Jim the Bart 27 Feb 01 - 06:23 PM
GUEST,A Cow 27 Feb 01 - 06:25 PM
Don Firth 27 Feb 01 - 06:51 PM
GUEST,khandu 27 Feb 01 - 07:16 PM
Gary T 27 Feb 01 - 07:29 PM
Ebbie 27 Feb 01 - 07:39 PM
flattop 27 Feb 01 - 07:44 PM
GUEST 27 Feb 01 - 10:07 PM
Ebbie 27 Feb 01 - 10:41 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 11:07 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 11:22 PM
Matt_R 27 Feb 01 - 11:28 PM
Little Hawk 27 Feb 01 - 11:36 PM
flattop 28 Feb 01 - 12:11 AM
hesperis 28 Feb 01 - 12:49 AM
flattop 28 Feb 01 - 12:54 AM
Katcina 28 Feb 01 - 03:11 AM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 01 - 12:55 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 01 - 12:58 PM
Kim C 28 Feb 01 - 01:04 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 01 - 01:11 PM
Jim the Bart 28 Feb 01 - 01:29 PM
GUEST,Allen Help 28 Feb 01 - 01:43 PM
wysiwyg 28 Feb 01 - 02:03 PM
Little Hawk 28 Feb 01 - 02:31 PM
wysiwyg 28 Feb 01 - 03:06 PM
CarolC 28 Feb 01 - 03:12 PM
Kim C 28 Feb 01 - 04:27 PM
hesperis 28 Feb 01 - 08:07 PM
flattop 28 Feb 01 - 08:58 PM
flattop 28 Feb 01 - 09:03 PM
wysiwyg 01 Mar 01 - 12:18 AM
wysiwyg 01 Mar 01 - 12:21 AM
GUEST,Roger the skiffler 01 Mar 01 - 06:30 AM
wysiwyg 01 Mar 01 - 07:54 AM
Kim C 01 Mar 01 - 10:00 AM
flattop 01 Mar 01 - 10:29 AM
hesperis 01 Mar 01 - 11:44 AM
Kim C 01 Mar 01 - 11:55 AM
CarolC 01 Mar 01 - 12:13 PM
Kim C 01 Mar 01 - 12:15 PM
flattop 01 Mar 01 - 12:15 PM
flattop 01 Mar 01 - 12:17 PM
wysiwyg 01 Mar 01 - 12:48 PM
hesperis 01 Mar 01 - 02:38 PM
hesperis 01 Mar 01 - 11:01 PM
Ely 02 Mar 01 - 12:11 AM
CarolC 02 Mar 01 - 01:02 AM
wdyat12 02 Mar 01 - 02:33 AM
CarolC 02 Mar 01 - 08:21 AM
GUEST,Hobojr 01 Apr 03 - 03:19 PM
Ebbie 01 Apr 03 - 03:58 PM
wysiwyg 01 Apr 03 - 05:08 PM
CarolC 01 Apr 03 - 05:49 PM
Deckman 02 Apr 03 - 04:49 AM
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Subject: BS - Cow tipping...truth or myth???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:31 PM

I was sitting at the dinner table tonight, in legendary Orillia (well, just outside town a few miles)...with flattop, CarolC, and heseperis...and the subject of "cow-tipping" came up.

Flattop, an incurable cynic, expressed disbelief in the whole concept, saying that he doubted that anyone could sneak up on a cow in a field and tip it over. He also said that cows don't sleep standing up, but lying down.

I don't know if he's right about that or not.

Does anyone have any rock solid info on the presumed sport of cow-tipping? Has it really been done, or is it just another one of those weird stories that go around?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: bet
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:43 PM

Both my girls here in Colorado swear that they have been cow tipping. Seems it's a young flok activity, probably will partying and such. Myself, I'll leave it to the younger ones. bet


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:45 PM

You need to get a running start, much like the ancient sport of bull-leaping.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,MichaelM
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:48 PM

15% increasing to 20% if the cud was really excellent.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:50 PM

Okay, Matt, but wouldn't the cow hear you coming and do something about it? Cows can be pretty agressive if they take a disliking to you.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:53 PM

Yep...its real. A lot of folks are skeptical, and you can't tip a big one, but the younger ones.....sure can. They become damn near comatose at times if not truly asleep.

Here's one for you to do right there!!!

CLICK AND TIP RIGHT HERE

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:54 PM

Michael - Fer chrissake, I wasn't talking about that kind of tipping! What kind of restaurants have you been going to??? Are you a Texan?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 09:59 PM

Spaw, mah man, you have come through as usual! I'm impressed! I advise all who want to know the complete, ugly truth about cow tipping to go to the link that Spaw has posted above.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:07 PM

"The subject of cow-tipping came up?" Guess who brought it up after he'd discussed alternatives to toilet paper?

Damn, the Hawk has some serious problems from childhood memories of cows and toilets! He wouldn't know a Herford from a Guernsey. He's never had a Holstein rock over onto his foot with all it's weight. So, of course, he can come up with stupid questions.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:15 PM

I only do it out of compassion, so that flattop has a chance to provide some stupid answers.

Instead of doing that, however, he has to resort to vile calumny and character assassination, and unsupported allegations of a totally scurrilous and irresponsible sort.

It's "hereford", not herford, ignoramus!

Furthermore, I have never considered cows to be a viable alternative to toilet paper, and I am astonished that you would accuse me of having done so.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:18 PM

Well now that cows have been dispatched, can I interest you in CAMELS????..........Like man, I'd walk a mile for a hump.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:27 PM

I don't know about Spaw but Little Hawk's mind is as rich as the piles out behind the cow shed. If you're a worm, you can live well on the edges but the middle of the pile is toohot and steamy for the most enthusiastic night crawler. Some of us can't spell but we've been up colse and personal with cows. If only he'd crossed the road and met those cows instead of looking to his beagle for leadership and direction. If he had, today he might realize that Cheese Whiz has more nuance than Dylan.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:35 PM

Flattop, I believe that the correct spelling is "Cheez Whiz". What next, man??! Spelling "Treet" as "Treat"?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Katcina
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:37 PM

Good try Spaw, but they are still throwing cow patties at each other.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:40 PM

If flattop could just STAY on topic for longer than the heartbeat of a fruit fly...

Suzie, the beagle of whom he speaks, was as incapable of leadership as Spencer Schlossnagel. All she ever did was lie around and sleep, between bouts of gluttonous eating, of course. Okay, she did one other thing...she barked at the cows in the neighbours' field...sometimes for hours. They didn't like it one bit. One day she made the mistake of following me and my freind Johnny into the pasture and the cows spotted her from afar. They all came stampeding over to try and kill her and she ran like hell. They chased her for at least a mile and a half, across about 5 or 6 fields, and you could hear her yelping all the way. It was the most exercise the lazy old thing ever got.

The next day she went right back to barking at them...

I refuse to be drawn into a debate comparing Cheese Whiz to Bob Dylan. Phooey. For shame.

Spaw - Remember the old camel come-on: "One hump or two?"

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:48 PM

AH SWEET MEMORIES!!

In my teens I would sneak into the pasture to tip some of Granddad's cows. But they looked so docile and inviting that I would always forget about tipping and start thinking of romance. It was during one of these excursions that I first fell in love.

I have never tipped a cow, because my testosterone always reared it's purplish head!

Thanx Little Hawk for refreshing my best memories!!!

khandu


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Gray Rooster
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:51 PM

Cow tipping. Sheesh. Texans gave that up years ago for a REAL sport: HOARING - Hands On Armadillo Racing. **BG**


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 10:55 PM

Even those of us Canadians who can't spell, don't accept Websters misspelling of Cheeseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

And sure Little hawk, you can bark a good dog story but what do you really know about cows? I suspect that anyone who would even think of tipping a cow has scant understanding of what goes on behind their beautiful gentle brown eyes. khandu has a point. Little Hawk has no idea how much of his decades of women trouble was triggered by his lack of empathy for these gentle hooved creatures.

Squeeze Cheese has touched more people than Don't Think Twice It's All Cheesy.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:10 PM

Gray - Yup. That's just the sort of twisted thing I'd expect Texans to be doing these days... :-)

khandu - your best memory...and the cow's WORST.

flattop - As a matter of fact, I know exactly what goes on behind my beautiful gentle brown eyes...but I ain't tellin' you! Or did you mean the cows? I know what goes on behind their beautiful gentle brown eyes too. They stand there all day thinking "God, I hope that bugger flattop stays the hell away from here. What a loser!" Either that or they obsess about being assaulted in the dead of night by khandu...

When it comes to touching people, I believe your Uncle Fred is the all time champ. Will he be released any time soon? Hopefully not.

I don't think Dylan has ever written a song with the word "cheese" in it, but I will have to check...

- LH

(ambience) CarolC is playing beautiful accordion stuff in the background. Very nice!

Hesperis is reading a book on the music industry.

Flattop is pondering his next clumsy assault on the impregnable magnificence of Bob Dylan, no doubt, whilst washing the dishes.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: mousethief
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:32 PM

Bob Dylan never HAD any magnificence, so that's why it's never been impregnated. If he did have one, it would have been buggered by a cow-tipper, no doubt.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:34 PM

It was reported that Major Tom's space capsule was lost due to Cheez Whiz plugging the coolant pumps and the psychotic astronaut didn't notice the failure in time, being otherwise engaged with a Jersey.

Lots of good Dylan songs though..............

Blowin' Out the Cheese
Tangled Up in Cheese
Lily, Rosemary, and Monterey Jack
Buckets of Cheese
Subterranean Roquefort Bleu's
Boots of Spanish Cheddar
Gates of Edam
Gotta Serve Some Cheese
I Pity the Poor Limberger
It Ain't Me Babe (who cut the cheese)
Leopard Skin Cheesebox Hat
Cheese Is Just a Six Letter Word
What Gouda Am I
Meet Me in the Mozzarella
Honey Just Allow Me One More Cheese
The Provolone of Hollis Brown

So many more..............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Matt_R
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:42 PM

Spaw, that was hilarious! Leopard Skin Cheesebox Hat!


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 26 Feb 01 - 11:47 PM

Real nuance!


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:12 AM

Hmmm, yeah...

Cheez, Missus Henry
John Wensleydale Harding
Ain't No More Cheese
Tangled Up In Blue Cheese
The Ballad of Ementaler
Blind Willie McCheese
Ballad in Plain Brie
Camembert Woman
Farewell Gorgonzola
If Not For Cheese
Stilton on a Barbed-Wire Fence
Visions of Velveeta
With Gouda On Our Side
To Ricotta
All Along The Liptauer
The Gruyere's Still Waiting At The Altar

That should put paid to that idea.

Now, where were we? Hmmmm....

Oh yes, cow tipping. Unfortunately Bob Dylan has not yet written a song on this very important subject. One has to wonder why? Got any answer to that, Spaw?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:26 AM

Cheezy Dylan


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:32 AM

Well, he did write a few for khandu......

The Cow's Still Waiting at the Altar
I Want You (so baaad)
If You See Her, Say Moo
Absolutely Sweet Bossy

Tipping? Well.................some related I think......

Country Cowpie
Just Like A Tipper
License to Fall
Simple Tip of Fate
This Cow's on Fire (refer to previously linked website)
The Death of Emmett the Tipper

Many more...........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:35 AM

We had a big old Holstein we called Patsy. My dad bought her for five dollars from our neighbor, who had tried to dehorn her and let her get away from him after he sawed one horn off. She was runnin loose on about seven hundred acres and nobody could catch her, and that's why my dad could buy her so cheap. We finally pushed her up into a fence corner and got a rope on her. I never saw a wilder cow than that nor a bigger one, and never expect to.

We dallied her up to the spare tire on the old Essex and with my brother drivin got her through several gates and down about a quarter mile of county road and home. She had a calf at her side and that could have been part of the reason she was so independent minded. My brother was about fourteen then and he got the job of milkin her. We was milkin two other cows then, one a jersey we called Katie and another a little guernsey that we called E.J.'s heifer, ecause she belonged to my sister E.J., both first heifers, which the dairies used to sell cheap during the hard years of the Depression.

Most cows kick to knock the bucket out from between your knees and spill the milk. Nothing malicious about it. It's just a game. Or maybe they're gettin fly-bit. They don't mean no harm, just when you get a couple of gallons bang! clang! and then they kind of twist their head around in the stanchion and look at you with those big brown limpid eyes and they actually smile. If a look could express itself in words the word would be JERK!

With Patsy, kicking had nothing to do with games. She had every intention of maiming you when she kicked. The way you milk a cow that won't stand still is you make sure you got a stool that is high enough to put your head up against her flank, so your head is sort of a wedge between her leg and her belly. That way, when she kicks she kicks herslf in the belly, even though it's by way of your head. If that doesn't solve the problem, you hobble the cow, and that's when, if they try to get to rambunctious, they tend to tip over.

Well, what happened was that when brother Jack got to milkin he neglected to make sure that the hobbles were secure and pretty soon old Patsy snatched her foot out and was strikin out in all directions with it. Jack was clearly on the defensive, tryin to save what milk he had and gettin tangled up with the milkin stool and then, everything was just for a second lined up and clear and POW!!! I'll bet you'll never guess where she kicked him. If you ever want to hear a fourteen year old boy scream and cuss that's the way to do it.

There was a three tine pitch fork leanin against the stanchion and being that was the first thing that came to hand he swung it down on her shoulders, and then, realizin what he had a hold of, he buried it in her belly.

There was a whole lot of confusion and yellin goin on with Jack howlin in pain and me cheerin everything on. (We always had our separate ways of seein things, bein that he was eight years older.) My mother heard the commotion and came running out from the kitchen to the corral. She got the pitchfork away from Jack and out of Patsy's belly and she must have given me a couple of wacks for havin such a good time about it. She also decided, in that instant, that I could do ALL the milkin from that time on.

Anyway, to finish gettin the hobbles off Patsy we had to sorta bulldog her and put her on the ground, and get a rope around her hind feet so she was stretched out and couldn't kick.

That's called tippin a cow.... or cow tippin..whichever.

Spud

(This is a true story.)


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:51 AM

Spud! That has GOT to go on the Storyteller Page!!!!

~S~

And hey-- LH. It is spelt-- among the refeened, swave, and deboner-- Pfui.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:57 AM

WYSIWYG: I'd be pleased. If the opportunity arises someday, I'll give you Part II.

Spud


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:03 AM

Anytime, Spud! Will you submit the story above to Aine or will we have to report you? *G*

Hey I just realized why the USA failed to elect Al. If only Tipper had gotten more sleep at night she could have milked the crowds far more effectively.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:29 AM

W: How do I do that? I ain't too much for smarts.

Spud


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:57 AM

Spud, page up on this page to see the little Quicklinks box. Click it open, and click to select Aine's Mudcat Songbook. That will take you to her page for all the Mudcat songs and stories. On that page, look for the underlined link for story submissions-- click that and you will be magically transported to writing her a message, in e-mail.

From there, either give her a copy of the story, or ask her to come to this thread to copy it out for you.

OK? Sounds tricky maybe but I have a feeling you are going to need to know the way to her inbox!

Or you can send her a PM.

Let me know if this does not work-- and I'll submit it for you.

But I do have a feeling you are going to need to know the way to her inbox!

It's very, very good. I can HEAR you say the words. Let me know if you could ever use a line editor-- it would be a pleasure to work with you.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:02 AM


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Gary T
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:17 AM

Just in case anyone's interested in LH's original question, here's Cecil Adams' "Straight Dope" discussion about it (click me, now! Don't wait!). It's somewhat inconclusive, but it's quite thorough about being inconclusive.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 02:57 AM

What a hoot. I read the blicky and I've never seen such a bunch of misinformed people. Not a farm kid in the bunch.

Cows sleep lying down, period. Horses, as a rule, sleep standing. Colts and young horses and then again old horses often lie down but I haven't often seen a mature horse lying down except when it was ill or giving birth.

(I suspect the term 'cow tipping' is a takeoff on the phenomenon of what a cow looks like when passing urine. It's definitely tipped.)

One interesting difference between the two species is their method of rising. A horse straightens its front legs and heaves itself up by pushing with the hind legs.

A cow, by definition, has an udder, sometimes a very large one. If it rose the way the horse does, the udder might get trapped under the hind hooves. So a cow rises hind legs first.

Ebbie


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:14 AM

Cows can lick their own nostrils....

LTS - brought up mostly on a dairy farm, with Fresian/Hereford cross cattle, a brother and a sister, no dogs, one pig and 147 cats in the barn, although we only ever saw 3.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Banjer
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:25 AM

I won't wrongly accuse anyone of having way too much time on their hands, especially not since I feel compelled to add to this nonsense. I have never tipped a cow, (except maybe that heifer that works down at the diner), but I have been known to 'tail ski' one or two of them. This is accomplished by planting both feet (preferably with heavy rubber boots on) in a fairly fresh cow patty, grabbing Bosies tail with one hand and with the other swatting the old gal across the rump. The resulting distance is then recorded and the next competitor takes a try. I know this sounds like udder nonsense, but folks without any breeding and culture are not expected to know of these things!

BTW...what are the alternatives to toilet paper, other than the obvious of course? Enquiring minds want to know.....


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 08:31 AM

I needed a place to share this:
An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater." The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm, so the man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick it's head out and watch the movie. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified. She elbows her friend Myrtle and whispers, "Myrtle, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!" Myrtle whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all." Agnes says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my POPCORN!!"


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:12 AM

If only all little girls could be told that joke before getting their first "flashing" the world would be a much, MUCH better place.

I am not sure I can stand to laugh as hard as that joke demands!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:28 AM

Sorcha - I was thinking tha same thing. When I was all of twelve I went to school on the A Train which stopped at Aquaduct Race Track. You can not imagine the degenerates who frequented those trains. Men masturbating publicly in front of little girls in their plaid uniforms was an everyday occurrence(SP?)and we "could" not talk about it. Just not mentioned in those days. Now the bastards would be strung up by their balls. The chicken eating popcorn image might have made the whole business downright funny. Sorry for the drift. Now back to cow tipping.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: LR Mole
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 09:37 AM

"Bob Dylan's 115th Dream": "He said, you know,they refused cheeses,too"...


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:41 PM

Very good, Mole...(actually, for those who don't know, the word in the song is "Jesus").

So...we now have a whole bunch of rochfort solid (sorry!) and diametrically opposite opinions on the subject of cow tipping, horse tipping, and how cows and horses sleep.

Quite confusing.

It's too bad we can't get a testimonial from an actual cow-tipper (assuming such fools actually exist). I feel sure that Blind DRunk in Blind River has at least attempted to tip a cow on some drunken outing, but he's been lying low lately. Maybe he found a girlfriend (!) or possibly he's in jail for welfare fraud. Or maybe he went through the ice on his snowmobile...

Time will tell.

So come on, there (cut it out!) and (hey! I'm trying to type here, fer God's sake!)...my SO is tickling me and causing no end of confusion here...

Yes. Will all those degenerates who have actually tipped....or at least attempted to tip a cow, please post to this thread?

And will all cows who have been subjected to such harassment do so likewise? Assuming you're computer literate, that is...if not, get help.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:46 PM

I'm sure the stories that Aberdeen Angus only tip 5% is an unjustified slur.
RtS "You'll have had your tea?"


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 12:59 PM

"Yes, and with one sugar, thank you."

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 01:44 PM

What Gouda Am I! Heeeheeheheeeheeheeheheeeheehee!

I actually have a leopardskin cheesebox hat, thankyouverymuch - I got it at a flea market for $2. It's fake, of course.

My favorite cheese story happened several years ago when I worked at one-a-them "alternative newsweeklies." Countrypop band Sawyer Brown had just put out a new album, and our music reviewer called it "cheesy." A couple of weeks later, a package came for him. There was a very humorous and good-natured letter from the band, along with a 5-lb block of Velveeta.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:18 PM

Cheese again! Well, better cheesy than sleazy, I suppose.

Still, what we need here is some actual solid evidence on:

1. Cow tipping - real or not?

2. Cow sleeping - prone or standing up?

3. Horse tipping and sleeping - same questions as above...

Which brings me to this question...what about elephant and rhinoceros tipping? Why stop at mere cows? Cows may be more generally available, but that shouldn't stop a real enthusiast who has the grit to aim for the highest achievement possible in his field. Or would that be giraffe tipping?

Hold the velveeta.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:25 PM

Well what I have always heard is that horses and cows CAN sleep standing up because it can be difficult for them to get up and down. I mean, cows are just a little ungainly. Imagine if you weighed a ton and only had those little spindly legs to hold you up. I have seen cows in pasture lying down but not very often. So I really don't know what that's all about. Cow tipping could be a lot like snipe hunting for all I know. Horses and cows both reproduce and give birth standing up, so why not sleep that way too?

Anybody here a veterinarian?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:27 PM

Cletus and his buddies have been known to tip cows. Of course then we'll have to discuss whether or not they are real.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Don Firth
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:32 PM

Good one, Sinsull. How about this?

An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater." "Why the hell not?" roars the man. "Well," says the girl, somewhat flummoxed by the man's bellow, "Why would a chicken even want to go to a movie?" "I don't know why she wouldn't," says the man. "She loved the book!"

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:38 PM

"Snipe hunting"? What is that like?

"Imagine if you weighed a ton and only had those little spindly legs to hold you up."

Well, there are a number of women (and a few men) in this town who fit that description to a "T", and they do manage to get around. I see them most often at the Chinese buffet, getting their 5th heaping plate of food. As far as I know they do not sleep standing up, however. Strange, isn't it?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Hawker
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:44 PM

Anything to do with livestock is a sensitive subject down here on the Devon and Cornwall borders, however, it made me think......

What is fly tipping? (I know really, but wouldn't it be fun if it was like cow tipping..... MUCH MUCH HARDER!! LOL!) Lucy


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: CarolC
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:50 PM

Sometimes my sick minded brother used to pull the wings off of flies and call them "walks".


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Max
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 03:56 PM

Cow tipping is real. Nuff said.

In high school I worked at as a greenskeeper at a local golf course. I was the only employee that didn't call it a career. A couple of the guys I worked with had a hobby they called HOGGING. The game was to pick-up and have sex with the heaviest woman possible. The loser of the nights games would have to do the least pleasurable job on the course the next day. I did not play this game. At the time, I was faithfully in love with the most evil woman ever to have lived.

We never did go cow tipping in high school. Our illigitimate hobby was to go to construction sites at 2am and ride around on the bulldozers and whatnot. Once, I had to get home for curfew before the boys were done playing, and the next thing I know my dad was waking me up at 5am asking me if I knew anything about the 2 buldozers parked in our front yard. Of course, I knew nothing. Dad left for work, and I started one and moved it down the block. Problem was, I didn't know how to turn it off.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 04:37 PM

Yeah Little Hawk but I bet they have problems getting up from a squishy chair. (help I've sat down and I can't get up)

Snipe hunting is when you go hunting snipes. Everybody knows what a snipe is, right? ;)


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 04:42 PM

Max? I don't even know what to say...Spaw. Help me out here.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: MMario
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 04:44 PM

Snipe hunting backfires when you live in an area where snipes actually exist. (yes, they are a real type of shore bird)

Our (brand new at the time - from the midwest) scoutmaster organized a "snipe hunt" the first big campout we had. He was a little flabbergasted when two of the teams actually managed to bag snipe.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 04:59 PM

Mario, for that reason I've never understood the joke about snipe hunting. In Oregon's Willamette Valley where I grew up, snipe would on occasion stop by. Very busy birds with long, long beaks and short stubby tails. Why a joke about an existing critter?

I don't know what Max is talking about in saying cow tipping is real. I suspect that 'tipping' is a euphemism for something else that I don't even want to know about!

Ebbie


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 05:10 PM

Max - that was what I call a memorable post. One bizarre revelation after another. You also should be commended for not having dragged cheese into it somehow. You say you were "faithfully in love with the most evil woman ever to have lived"...Wow! That must have been quite an experience. I've encountered one or two fairly evil women in my time, and I don't even want to think about the possibilities...

Ebbie - Fear not. "Cow tipping" is no euphemism. As for snipe hunting, I don't get the joke. Can someone explain it?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Hawker
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 05:22 PM

And I'm now wondering if I went into a restaurant and tipped the waiter..... would he mind?

Sorry, it's just the way my mind works......

Lucy


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 06:04 PM

Spaw, you've got too much time on your hands.

I have seen cows sleeping on their feet. ( I declined to tip them)

The closest thing I have to a cow tipping story is that whilst hitch-hiking a couplafew years ago, I told this young couple that picked me up about all the people who had been playing that infamous game of stopping about a half-mile up the road and honking so you run to get a ride, and then they pull off just as you reach the back bumper. The guy reflected that it's got to be one step down from cow tipping on the humanity scale.

This thread has to go into the classic threads collection.

Rich


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 06:23 PM

Years ago the band I was playing with was booked at the Illinois State Fair. Part of our contract was to serve as the back up band for Merle Kilgore, a member of the Country Music Sing Writer's Hall of Fame and co-writer of "Ring of Fire", among other great songs. Merle was a huge man -larger than life - who told some great stories.

One afternoon as we were sitting around, killing time between shows, he told us about a tour that he had done with the late Marty Robbins, a few months after the death of their mutual friend, Jim Reeves. Apparently, Marty had been reading a book on India and re-incarnation and had consoled himself about the loss of his friend by thinking that he might be coming back some day.

Well, one night as they were driving through the country on their way to the next performance, Marty Robbins shouted "Stop the Car!", which Merle did, at which point Marty ran over to a fence surrounding a field in which some cows were dozing (he did not say if they were standing or lieing down). He then began singing to the herd. Apparently, M. Robbins had heard one of the cows lowing in the field and was convinced that it was Jim Reeves come back to earth. He was hoping to identify which cow was the singer by getting him to join in on one of his favorite old tunes. Rumor has it that there was alcohol involved at the time that this occurred.

After a short period of time, Merle convinced Marty that none of these cows could be Jim Reeves; after all, he had just recently passed and these cows were all clearly too d*mned old. They got back on the road and Marty promptly fell asleep as Merle lit up another cigarette and headed on to the next town. Merle swore this was all just as it had happened.

So, kids, even though all of our curiosity has been piqued by this talk of cow tipping, please don't try it. You may be knocking over one of the greatest singers in the history of country music.

Thanks for the laughs, all.
Bart


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,A Cow
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 06:25 PM

You're damned right it's real, and it hurts like hell, too.

A. Cow


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Don Firth
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 06:51 PM

Major thread creep (I think), but the subject of chickens did come up.

My wife Barbara -- a woman of infinite resource and sagacity -- works at the Seattle Public Library, and occasionally she works at the information desk. One day she was at the info desk when a chicken walked into the library and came up to her. It was a bit unusual, but Barbara was not at all taken aback, because a chicken is nowhere near the strangest thing to be found frequenting the library. The chicken looked at Barbara. Barbara looked at the chicken. The chicken said, "Book!" Barbara said, "Book?" The chicken responded, "Book!" So Barbara got up, went to a nearby shelf and took a book out at random, brought it back and placed it in front of the chicken. The chicken motioned meaningfully with one wing. Barbara placed the book under the chicken's wing. The chicken nodded, walked out of the library.

A little while later, the chicken came back in carrying the book under its wing, came up to Barbara, and dropped the book in front of her. Then, the chicken said, "Book!" Barbara picked up the book on the floor, re-shelved it, and brought the chicken another book and placed it under its wing. Once again, the chicken nodded and walked out of the library.

Still later, the chicken came back in. It dropped the book in front of Barbara, and this time it said, "Book! Book!" So Barbara picked up the book, re-shelved it, and brought the chicken two books, placing one under each wing. The chicken nodded and walked out of the library.

Normally, such things don't flummox Barbara in the least, but this time, her curiosity was really piqued. She called Clarice to take her place at the info desk and dashed out to surreptitiously follow the chicken. The chicken got on a bus. Barbara followed the chicken onto the bus, but since the bus was pretty crowded, she managed to stay out of sight, but keep track of where the chicken was. Finally, the chicken got off the bus out near Haller Lake, in Seattle's north end. Barbara followed the chicken down to a marshy area at the lakeshore, ducked behind a tree, and watched the chicken.

The chicken walked up to a frog and dropped the two books in front of it. The frog glanced at both books and said, "Read it! Read it!"

Don Firth (What planet am I on?)


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,khandu
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 07:16 PM

For my pictorial book (A great conversation piece if placed on one's coffee table), "How to Make Love to a Cow", check your local Books-a-Million. Be sure to get my follow-up romance novel, "Something in the way She Moos". And we must not forget my book about unfaithful men;"Some Other Udder"!

khandu


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Gary T
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 07:29 PM

Little Hawk, snipe hunting is a practical joke played on tenderfoots (newbies) in the Boy Scouts. Basically, the patsy is perched somewhere uncomfortable holding a gunny sack, waiting for a snipe to come by so he can catch it. It has to be at night, and quite a ways from camp so that the others in on the joke aren't found out. Someone who's actually been involved in one (I never have--just heard about them) may be able to elaborate.

It wasn't until decades after I'd heard of snipe hunts that I found out that there actually was a bird called a snipe. I had always figured it was a made-up name for a non-existent creature. I don't imagine snipe hunts are quite the same in areas that really have them.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 07:39 PM

About cow tipping- I was adamant in my belief that there ain't no such critter and then I suddenly remembered one time when I gave a cow a hearty shove with my shoulder just about where the hindquarters connect with the torso. To my amazement she almost fell down. So yes, I suppose there is such a thing as tipping a cow. But trust me- they needn't be asleep. They only need to be standing. And off guard.

Ebbie


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 07:44 PM

Wouldn't it be great if they made hobbles for Little Hawk's mouth?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 10:07 PM

Anyone tried Hawk tipping, from a great height?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 10:41 PM

Right between the hindquarters and the torso? LOL

Ebbie


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:07 PM

Ebbie - Thanks for some pretty convincing testimony regarding the feasibility of tipping a cow.

Thanks also to A. Cow, who has given us her side of it.

Thanks to Gary T. for the explanation of the snipe hunt. I was never in the Boy Scouts, so I missed out on that one.

Flattop, of course, was in the Boy Scouts...for a week. They kicked him out after the incident of the visiting nun (Sister Electra) and the exploding McGill porta-potty. In later years he was unfortunately appointed a scout leader for a brief period...a decision that could only have been made by a system wherein the right hand has utterly no idea what the left hand is doing. I shudder to think of the damage that may have been done to young and impressionable minds.

The Marty Robbins story is an intriguing one. I've known for some time that Marty Robbins was a believer in reincarnation...it's fairly evident in some of his western songs that he is either reliving past events in which he participated...or believes that he is, anyway (for you skeptics out there). That he would think Jim Reeves had reincarnated as a cow, however, is pretty hilarious. Ask any cow and she will tell you the whole concept is highly questionable, if not offensive.

Well, I think we are getting close on verifying that cow tipping is a genuine, if rare, phenomenon.

I should think that the scientific world would be quite grateful for our efforts in unearthing evidence on this vital matter...not to mention the folk music community in general...hi diddle, hi day...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:22 PM

Something really spooky just occurred to me, and I don't think anyone else has commented on it yet...

You Americans just missed getting a First Lady named...

TIPPER GORE !!!

Sounds like a connection to the whole cow tipping thing to me...! Ooooo...synchronicity, that's what it is.

I mean, it just can't be a coincidence...think about it. Tipper Gore. It's like...don't tip a cow, cos you just might get gored! A little moral lesson in 3 syllables.

Hmmmm...the implications are unsettling. Given the fact that the Republicans "won", however, I suspect that the facts behind cow tipping will remain hidden in the "Bush" for at least 4 more years.

Cows will not rest easy tonight...or for some time to come.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Matt_R
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:28 PM

Help! It's a cheese-induced riot!


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Feb 01 - 11:36 PM

Not cheese again! flattop is responsible for this. He said that "cheese has more nuance than Dylan". The nerve of the man!

No cow tipping incident has ever involved cheese. Beer, definitely, but not cheese.

It's a beer induced riot, that's what it is!

Why isn't MAV on this thread anyway? It makes more sense than the other one...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:11 AM

The only exploding McGill story that I can remember Little Hawk is the time you used a McGill.

Well there is the explosion in the port-a-toilet sector with Orillia's McGill Environmental leading the way!

Perhaps if you were quick enough, Little Hawk, you could tip a whole herd of cows and create a perfect crap circle. Should I call Colin McKimm to get the story for the Orillia Packet and Times? Carol suggests that you might also create a crap circle if you tip a bunch of McGills.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: hesperis
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:49 AM

Ohhhh, that is the perfect title for that pic! LOL!

:applauds vigorously:


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:54 AM

What a perfect shithouse photographer!


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Katcina
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:11 AM

Little Hawk,
Yes there is definitely 'Cow tipping'. I'm originally from Texas and was a secretary got the Charolais Association when much younger.
It was a farotite pastime among teenage boys and drunks. Cows DO sleep standing up and are quite easy to tip if you just push hard in the right spot.
I now live in Wisconsin, the land of cheese and therefore dairy cattle so it's a sommon practice here as well.
FYI, KatC


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:55 PM

Okay, KatC, I guess that settles it. There IS cow tipping.

Now where does Tipper Gore fit into all this? We had best find out while people still remember who Tipper Gore is...which may not be for very long. I cnn't even remember who ran against Bill Clinton in his 2nd election, after all...can you?

I got some info about giraffe tipping, by the way. It has been attempted, but never successfully, because the only way you can get above a giraffe's center of gravity is to approach the giraffe on stilts, and then you are too precariously balanced to tip the giraffe, and instead end up tipping yourself, assuming you can even sneak up on the giraffe in the first place when on stilts, which is damned near impossible to do. It's also very difficult to handle walking on stilts when one is drunk, and in most localities it is traditional to tip large animals only when thoroughly inebriated. Of course some teenagers will try it even when sober, so it's not an absolute rule, but even teenagers mostly do it when drunk.

At any rate, Stoogie Parkham of Johannesburg, South Africa apparently attempted it on 27 different occasions, until he got fatally mauled by a lioness after falling off his stilts (for the 27th time) and landing on a large colony of red ants. His loud cries of distress attracted the attention of the lioness and led to his demise.

No information has surfaced yet regarding Rhinoceros tipping. Or elephant tipping either, for that matter.

flattop - the idea of tipping a whole herd of cows simultaneously is an interesting one. I think it would require a large number of people and a great deal of stealth to bring it off, but the results would certainly be worth the trouble, especially if it could be videotaped. I suggest we contact one of the dumber Orillia lodges, such as the Oddfellows or the Loyal Order of Moose, and see if we can get them interested. It could be used as a fundraiser for some useful cause, like raising the Mariposa Bell, for example...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 12:58 PM

Sorry, that should have been "Mariposa Belle".

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 01:04 PM

My favorite snipe story is the early episode of "King of the Hill" when Bobby bags a whooping crane. I have watched this show since its premier and this remains my favorite episode of all time... although this last one about the hooker was pretty good! :)

Mister said he had heard about cow tipping but doesn't believe in cruelty to animals.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 01:11 PM

Well, for sure! I don't believe in Democrats and Republicans either, but they keep getting elected don't they? I call that cruelty to the electorate! :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 01:29 PM

Don't take reports of cow tipping in Texas at face value. After all, in Texas it was mostly likely a steer rather than a cow. It's falling over could well have been caused by some bovine defect. We might just be looking at the tail of another bum steer. . .

later,
Bart


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,Allen Help
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 01:43 PM

The real answer is no. Cow Tipping rates right up there with Snipe hunting, watching the sub races at the local dam. When I was a kid the local basketball team was called the Stars and it was common for young man to ask young ladies out to see the Stars even when there was no games being played.

No. Cow tipping just doesn't happen. First off cows are light sleepers and will normally wake up long before you get near them. Secondly cows weigh as much as some small cars. Anyone who says the legs they stand on are week has never been kicked by one or had one step on their foot. I have on occasion seen a cow that was blotted (SP) on its side it was not on its side because it had been tipped but because it ate the wrong things.

To get an idea of how hard it would be to tip a cow set up about 20, 50-pound bags of sand on a board supported by 2 saw horses. At best you will get a sore shoulder. I use to milk cows for years and they are not small animals easy to push let alone tip over. It may be possible for a cow to sleep on its feet and many times it seems like they are but anytime I went near them it was either to milk, feed, brand or administer some medication. When a cow steps on your foot you can kick push hit as hard as you want and still have almost no impact on them. Imagine a two year old knocking over a 200-pound man by running into him it just wont happen.

People who have worked on farms for any length of time are none to gentle to those big dumb animals. When you milk 150-200 cows three times a day you certainly don't give them names.

I remember one cow # 137 she would kick you every time you gave her a chance. I remember her more from her back left huff than anything else it looked like a banana and hurt like heck. One day she Kicked Uncle Jay right in the groin the next Sunday at dinner he asked what I thought of the steak. I told him it was pretty good. He said it was 137. I couldn't help but enjoy it a little more.

You might be able to tip a cow with a car but certainly not a shoulder. If a young man is asking you to go tip a cow he is either pulling a joke on you or wants to make out. In any event don't go to the sub races, cow tipping or snipe hunting as it will either embarrass you or worse. As I have my own sons in daughters I answered this question as best as I could.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 02:03 PM

Little Hawk, if you would read the threads you start, you'd see that in this one I already spotted Tipper Gore.

My personal thanks though go to you eternally, for helping to make it PC at the Mudcat to make fat jokes-- thus saving many of us from mistakenly believing the stuff in the past Mudcat thread about Mudcat men appreciating real Mudcat women.

Now as far as the topic goes, this is quite simple. At our house blessing once mud season ends, we'll just charge $5 per person to hop the fence and investigate personally. Bring the digital cameras, and bring it on. Thus we can fund the sound system we will need to celebrate our gathering properly.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 02:31 PM

Is it PC now to make fat jokes? I didn't know. I have noticed simply that some of this town's largest men and women regularly attend the Chinese buffet where they can eat any amount of food at a nominal charge. No joke...fact. Being on only 2 legs, I suspect that they would be easier to tip than the average cow, but I'm not volunteering...

When you're as thin as I am you notice these things. Specially when you're hanging onto a lampost in order to avoid getting blown away by a gust of wind. People like me are so easy to tip that it's not even worth bothering.

The Tipper Gore thing? Well, I have read the entire thread, but not at one sitting, you see, I just keep checking on the new stuff...so I guess I lost that post of yours in the shuffle, as they say. Sorry about that. When one is reading a number of different threads here and there, it's easy to overlook something.

Now Allen Help says it's not possible to tip cows. Looks like we are once again without a consensus here. What a bummer.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:06 PM

LH--

We all know that it's a bad idea to make what would be called at its most bald, "nigger jokes." And I think we all know that racism starts so early that by the time one has words to express it with, it's gotten in very, very deep.

One of the reasons for racism is that it keeps people divided against one another who would otherwise band together around their other obvious commonalities. If they did band together, they might create social change that threatens the business world's status quo.

Schools in general have a vested interest in keeping everyone caught up in them, including teachers and administrators, firmly in place. Ask a teacher how it feels from their side, and you see pretty fast that in the building, there is actually no one who can be blamed for the bad things that happen. But happen they do, even in schools that are actually trying with all their might to be good places for people to be.

Schools are essentially hierarchies, with many layers that include not only the employees, or the employees at one level and students at another... they are intricate networks of pecking orders with a place for each individual, and this is how the top stays on top-- each one is willing to keep the next lower one in place, so the ones at the top only have a layer or two to concern themselves with. Enforcement of the pecking order is best carried out from within, at the grassroots level-- most efficient. Any oppressed group knows this full well.

So there has to be some group to pick on, or some members of the larger group who can be targeted, or classroom management could not be carried out effectively-- the students would band together and overthrow the system.

But racism is not the only thing that is used for this purpose, at the personal, daily-life, invisible level of passing on oppressions. In all-one-color schools, short boys, fat kids, newcomers, kids with disabilities-- the pecking order soon emerges, based on a dehumanization of the people at the lower end. Or it can be the members of the majority group who are "Too black," "too Jewish," "Too This" or "Too That."

By the time we are old enough to go to school, we have all the word-weapons we need to join this old, old battle, and few tools to do anything else. This is handy for the place schools hold in keeping people from thinking TOO much or becoming TOO effective in changing the world. And then we blame kids for being so mean-- they act mean, but they didn't get born that way, and they are doing it to avoid unbearable hurt themselves.

When you are in one of the easily targeted groups, there is a strong pull to join one of the groups that picks on another one. You get to keep your place in the pecking order if you are willing to put others lower on it than you are willing to be. And if you take the time to get to know an unthinkingly oppressive and offensive person, what you find very quickly is how they got hurt in order to act that way.

So, LH, I can't find it in my heart to blame you for being so colossally dumb. I'd have to assume there's a reason you don't see my smile sitting across the table when you write these things. And as far as Max goes, I can only imagine the guy-to-guy pressures at the age he describes, and how silly it would be to expect someone to actually speak against what he described.

But you know even though I see how this stuff works, I suddenly have no desire to sit across table from you again, LH. This is in the way now. I think that sucks. I also think it sucks that people don't have a real good way, usually, of proceeding past this sort of stuff. I blame you, you get defensive and blame me back for being too sensitive... others join in... that's part of how it works, you see.

I know you to be a thinking person, LH. How about you just think on it a bit, just because someone you have treated as a sensible person suggests it to you.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: CarolC
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 03:12 PM

I could tip a cow. I'm so short, the cow would never see me above the top of the grass, so I could sneak up on it with no problems at all. Then, I would reach waaayyy high up, as far as I could, and bite it on the ankle. That would surprise it so much, it would tip right over.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 04:27 PM

(oh heavens sakes if I was unknowingly participating in a fat joke I will now apologize. at 120 lbs I too have trouble getting out of a squishy chair, or off the floor, where I like to sit. I have sat down and couldn't get up without help more times than I can count. Poking fun at my own experience more than anyone else's. Please no one take offense because I did not mean any, not in the least.)


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: hesperis
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 08:07 PM

You know, I once heard it suggested that men who are offended by fat women are scared of female power, because it reminds them of when they were small and helplessly in the power of their mothers. I don't know if that is true or not. But when the Great Goddess as the Amazingly Fat Woman was worshipped, women had a lot more power in society as well.

I think LH realizes that you are a person, and I don't think he meant to say anything hurtful to you.

Sooz, you do have a great smile, and you're very huggable, too.

Yes, you are being a bit sensitive. He wasn't talking about you. But he was still being rude.

He does have a point, though, and the facts won't go away just because they hurt some people's feelings. (And those feelings won't go away even though they are irrational.) It is ironic how often people pig out at buffets, as if taking more than enough will somehow make the experience worth more. And it is very ironic how often it's the people with a weight problem already who really overdo it. I really don't know how people can EAT five heaping plates from a buffet, but I've seen it.

People who eat that much have a problem, whether they're fat or thin. But it's more noticeable in a fat person.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 08:58 PM

Hey, it's great to get back from a long day in Toronto and find someone slapping Little Hawk around. Way to go Praise!

You know, if I wasn't so cynical I'd think the guy was psychic. For the second day in a row, my brother took me out to lunch - yesterday to give me shit, today for a programmers' meeting. Not to worry, he picked up the tab both days and today he took me to an all-you-can-wolf-down! You wouldn't believe the crap I swallowed today. It would be enough to kill an American. Just wished they'd had a McGill handy.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 28 Feb 01 - 09:03 PM

120 pounds at 2 foot 6? What have you been eating Kim? Need help getting out of that chair girl?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:18 AM

Flattop, don't. It may not be meant to hurt, but it does, and it's wrong. Cut it out.

The rest of us made up in PM's. You missed it!

*G*

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:21 AM

Oh yeah, I forgot.

WARNING WARNING WARNING

AH-OO-GAH!

MARQUEE MESSAGE FOLLOWS

CLOSE YER EYES AND PAGE DOWN IF YOU CAN'T TAKE BRIGHT LIGHTS!






























♠♠ Celebrate ♠♠
♦♦ Mudcat Diversity! ♦♦




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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 06:30 AM

I think it's time for some serious research on this subject so the NYCFTTS will get the inmates out at night tipping away. We'll start with hamsters, build up to Chihuahas and should be on to cows by about Christmas. All results will be peer-reviewed by Peter T and written up in the Journal of Irreproducable Results or <>Fortean Times.
That's assuming we can get funding from the Smithsonian or the Orillian Cattle Breeders' Association.
Watch this space (less exciting than watching paint dry)
RtS(Director of Research and bedpan operative NYCFTTS)


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 07:54 AM

It could be a whole new version of reality TV. So Who Wants to be a Cow-Tipper, Survival in the Grass, Cow-Tipping Island, and Pastureland Wars.

Set up a Neil Young cam in my living room, it overlooks a pasture and I'm a great cook. We'll have a steak-out. And we'll fund the project like I said, five bucks US per tipper, plus tentspace fees.

I've been suspecting that the Center has been moving north for some time, anyway, like the mountain sneaking over to Mohammed when he's not looking!

Don't need to bring the bedpans either, because outdoor exercise and fresh air are so good for the inmates-- so we have the two-holer out back in case Spaw needs to give anyone lessons in use.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 10:00 AM

No I am 5'3".

I keep thinking about the little cartoon cows in the Hershey chocolate syrup commercials. They have these cuddly round bodies and eensy weensy spindly legs. They'd be easy to tip. In a cartoon anything is possible. :)


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 10:29 AM

3'5" Kim? Sorry, my mistake.

Speaking of diversity, I heard that one of our former mayors had to be weighed on a cattle scale at the farmers' co-op. Regular scales didn't go high enough.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: hesperis
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 11:44 AM

Wild Hamsters are almost impossible to approach for this. They have amazing hearing, and only sleep deep in their burrows where it's safe.

Tame ones are easily tipped, but they don't like it much. However, I've heard there is a new breed called the Black Bear Hamster, they can get so tame they'll roll over to get their tummies rubbed. I wonder where I can get one?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 11:55 AM

don't vexate me flattop, this is a PMS day... ;)


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:13 PM

Do you want to go cow tipping with me Kim?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:15 PM

when do we leave?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:15 PM

Oops. I posted on Carol's cookie. Now I'm getting whacked.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: flattop
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:17 PM

Think I stepped in a meadow muffin.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 12:48 PM

} : ~ (<


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: hesperis
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 02:38 PM

Good. Someone else with PMS. Let's trade horror stories, ok?


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: hesperis
Date: 01 Mar 01 - 11:01 PM

Aiiiieeee! Did I tip this thread too far in the direction known as "off-topic"? Has it broken it's legs? Does a thread even HAVE legs? Can you tip something that doesn't have legs?

................???

Where is everybody?!


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Ely
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 12:11 AM

Yes.

I went to high school with a nice guy who was, I hate to say it, not the brightest phase of the moon. He used to tell us about his cow-tipping escapades until the Monday that he came in limping. Apparently the cow swayed back the wrong way and fell on him.

(not cow-tipping, but bovine-related). I had a cousin who was a true city slicker, and when her family came out to visit us in Colorado we all went hiking in the mountains. Part of the hike took us through a cow pasture. Although we had told Dana what to look for, she decided the best way to avoid stepping in cow pie was to hop from rock to rock (not that cow pies are hard to see). You guessed it--she soon landed in a soft rock. My dad was a good sport and cleaned her shoe off but we teased her for years.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 01:02 AM

I used to live on an old farm where the cows could come right up to the house. We called the house the "cow palace". Sometimes in the summer, the cows got into the basement and stood around in there to get cool.

One time I mistook a cow pie for a rock while I was opening the cattle gate to let the truck through. All I can say is, some days cow pies look like rocks.

Re: PMS... Ooooohhhh ho ho, don't even get me started...

Carol


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wdyat12
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 02:33 AM

The Cow, the first human altered species on the planet other than the dog, is probably the most maligned and revered animal ever to exist.

wdyat12


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: CarolC
Date: 02 Mar 01 - 08:21 AM

The continuation of this thread can be found here.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: GUEST,Hobojr
Date: 01 Apr 03 - 03:19 PM

Can someone please tell me if cow tipping is possible or not! I think it is, but my sister says it is not. And then My sister and I got into this huge fight about if cow tipping was a possible. Please HELP!

    I AM GOING TO PUT A PTITION HERE.
IF YOU THINK COW TIPPING IS TRUE WRITE AND SAY WHY YOU THINK IT IS.

IF YOU THINK COW TIPPING IS NOT TRUE PLEASE WRITE AND SAY WHY!


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Apr 03 - 03:58 PM

NO. (My father had a dairy.)

#1: Cows sleep lying down. I have never seen a cow sleep standing up. Even cows that are chewing their cuds lie down by preference. By the way, if a herd of cows is lying down by mid-afternoon, it means that the grazing in that pasture is good. The later they lie down to rest and ruminate, the scantier the feed is.

#2: They have keen hearing- it is difficult to surprise a herd of cows. You're not going to sneak up on them.

#3: If you knocked down a cow, all the other cattle would come investigate- and that can be scary. An angry cow can be more dangerous than a bull. We used to say that it's because when a charging bull nears his target, he closes his eyes while a cow keeps hers open. I don't know if that's true though.

It's also not universally true that cows give birth while in a standing position- I have seen many a cow birthing a young'un while lying down.

Cows are not particularly ungainly in rising. Horses are far more awkward, having to actually heave themselves onto their feet. Cows do it in two distinct segments.


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: wysiwyg
Date: 01 Apr 03 - 05:08 PM

April Fool, I think-- note there is a part two linked several posts up!

~S~


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: CarolC
Date: 01 Apr 03 - 05:49 PM

Ah, but what a great thread this was (is).


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Subject: RE: BS - Cow tipping...is it real???
From: Deckman
Date: 02 Apr 03 - 04:49 AM

I'm wondering if cow tipping is similiar to "FERRET LEGGING?" CHEERS, Bob(deckman)Nelson


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