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How Do You Handle Telemarketers?

Deckman 11 Feb 01 - 01:09 PM
Justa Picker 11 Feb 01 - 01:12 PM
Matt_R 11 Feb 01 - 01:12 PM
GUEST,Phil 11 Feb 01 - 01:25 PM
GUEST,Phil Cooper 11 Feb 01 - 01:28 PM
Spud Murphy 11 Feb 01 - 01:33 PM
Matt_R 11 Feb 01 - 01:35 PM
MAG (inactive) 11 Feb 01 - 01:48 PM
Sarah2 11 Feb 01 - 02:04 PM
wysiwyg 11 Feb 01 - 02:20 PM
Clinton Hammond 11 Feb 01 - 02:21 PM
fulurum 11 Feb 01 - 02:24 PM
Gypsy 11 Feb 01 - 02:30 PM
grumpy al 11 Feb 01 - 02:34 PM
Jeri 11 Feb 01 - 02:42 PM
sian, west wales 11 Feb 01 - 02:42 PM
SINSULL 11 Feb 01 - 02:52 PM
Bernard 11 Feb 01 - 02:53 PM
catspaw49 11 Feb 01 - 02:59 PM
Morticia 11 Feb 01 - 03:06 PM
Deckman 11 Feb 01 - 03:17 PM
Peter Kasin 11 Feb 01 - 03:22 PM
SINSULL 11 Feb 01 - 03:24 PM
GUEST,diddlysquat 11 Feb 01 - 03:54 PM
Banjer 11 Feb 01 - 04:32 PM
GUEST,kendall 11 Feb 01 - 04:53 PM
GUEST,Phil Cooper 11 Feb 01 - 05:37 PM
Giac 11 Feb 01 - 06:07 PM
McGrath of Harlow 11 Feb 01 - 06:44 PM
sophocleese 11 Feb 01 - 08:34 PM
MarkS 11 Feb 01 - 08:54 PM
rangeroger 11 Feb 01 - 09:07 PM
campfire 11 Feb 01 - 09:15 PM
Rick Fielding 11 Feb 01 - 09:28 PM
Plume 11 Feb 01 - 09:33 PM
campfire 11 Feb 01 - 09:34 PM
R! 11 Feb 01 - 09:55 PM
GUEST,Melani 11 Feb 01 - 10:16 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 01 - 10:16 PM
GUEST,Melani 11 Feb 01 - 10:23 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 01 - 10:31 PM
catspaw49 11 Feb 01 - 10:52 PM
alison 11 Feb 01 - 11:09 PM
campfire 11 Feb 01 - 11:31 PM
Sorcha 11 Feb 01 - 11:32 PM
Sorcha 11 Feb 01 - 11:35 PM
kimmers 12 Feb 01 - 01:03 AM
Dave the Gnome 12 Feb 01 - 04:50 AM
Joe Offer 12 Feb 01 - 05:08 AM
Ella who is Sooze 12 Feb 01 - 05:10 AM
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Subject: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Deckman
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:09 PM

Here in the Seattle area, bride Judy and I receive somewhere between 12 - 15 telemarketers per day. As I get older, I handle it less well. I've been asking my State Senators to pass laws to stop this, but they have been bought off by the lobbyists for this filthy industries. I'd like to hear from mudcatters on suggestions on how to handle these calls. Thanks, Bob Nelson


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Justa Picker
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:12 PM

My solution?

Agree with everything they say.
Tell them I'm not interested.
Repeat this pattern 5 or 6 times.
Thank them for calling.
Hang up.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Matt_R
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:12 PM

Start singing!!!! Gets 'em everytime!


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: GUEST,Phil
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:25 PM


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: GUEST,Phil Cooper
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:28 PM

Oops, hand slipped. My significant other has caller ID. Any call she gets which is listed as "unavailable" we don't answer. If it's someone who knows her/us,they leave a message and we can pick up. Otherwise if we have to pick up the extension without checking caller ID, she will answer the phone "Yah, hey!" and they'll usually hang up. I also have answered saying I'm Susan Urban's Butler and they also hang up, if they are not familiar with us.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Spud Murphy
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:33 PM

I tell them I'm sorry but I'm rushing to get my wife to the hospital to have a baby.

Spud (75 years old)


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Matt_R
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:35 PM

Pull the classic Nathan Lane line...."HELP! I'm having a stroke!"


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 01:48 PM

If you answer and there is a delay befor the other party comes on the line, that's a clue.

Just hanging up after a quick "not interested" is all they deserve, really.

I did finally resort to the caller ID; I agree it is the only thing that really works, besides just not answering and letting the machine take the message.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Sarah2
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:04 PM

As soon as they begin, I interrupt to tell them "I never buy anything over the telephone. No, I won't send you my mailing address. Please take me off your calling list. Have a nice day. Goodbye." And I hang up. It took some time, but I noticed after the first three months of this that I was getting fewer calls. If you're known as a useless call, they do eventually stop wasting their time -- and yours.

Another thing is to come home and fire up the computer to get online during the dinner hour -- if it interferes with your 'phone lines, that is. Nothing like two or three hours of a busy signal to discourge them, at least when you REALLY don't want to deal with that stuff.

Sarah


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:20 PM

We treat the caller as a poor schmuck tyring to make a living, with sympathy and humor, and then hang up promptly. Poor guy or gal, having to do that work... hoping they'll soon qualify for better wages in a better setting. I guess that's because our kids are just now getting out on their own, and what if they had to take a job like that so they wouldn't have to move back in with us??? Yeah! You see the problem!

It's all in the tone of voice. Thus I would have to say that as my iron fist hangs up the phone, the banging sound is softened by the velvet glove worn.

~S~


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:21 PM

I ask them if they've accepted Jesus Christ as their personal saviour... That tends to get them off the phone but quick... if that doesn't work, I tell them that I've just wet myself... Then I ask them if they'd like to come over and 'change' me....

Seriously... tell them to stop calling and to take you off their phone list.. if they call back in 6 months, you have legal precident on your side for harrasment... I know of at least one person who used this method and ended up with a 'huge cash settlement'... and well, now she PRAYS for telemarketers to KEEP calling!

;-)


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: fulurum
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:24 PM

i usually just set the phone down while they are talking. then i go back a few minutes later. if they are still there i just go do something else. its their time, and money. if there still there the third time, i just hang up. here in n.y. we can now be put on a list that will make it illegal for telemarketers to call us. it hasn't gone into effect yet but from what i hear thousands of people have already been asked to be put on it. its one of the few things our state government has done right for us. of cousre the people who call you asking you to vote for so and so will probably be exempt from this law .


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Gypsy
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:30 PM

By law, if you ask if this a phone solicitation, they must tell you. If you then say, You may not call this number again for any solicitation, there will be a fine incurred. Keep a notebook by the phone, you'll need documentation. I've found that i get taken off the list when i use this phrase. As an aside, i remember reading the Wallstreet Journel, regarding phone solicitation. The interview was with a young woman, who flowed tears and flowers about the elderly who took up her time because they are lonesome but spent no money. How it broke her heart that she had to get off the phone from them. She was in jail for murdering her mother. Before you feel too sorry for they people interrupting your life by calling, remember, that alot of the companies can and do hire prison labour. I am polite, but abrubt.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: grumpy al
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:34 PM

here in the U.K. I have found the best way to deal with them is to play them at their own game.

Agree with everything they say and sound very interested in what they are selling, then tell them your not interested but it was nice of them to waste their time, the word gets around very quickly that you are a waste of time and hey presto no more marketing calls.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Jeri
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:42 PM

I went through the caller ID thing. Before that I screened calls with an answering machine. I now just answer the phone, and once I determine it's a telemarketer, I simply say I'm not interested. They usually try again, and I repeat that I'm not interested, then simply "no." There's only been one time when the person at the other end cheerfully kept trying after that, and I said "I'm not interested, and I'm going to hang up now. Goodbye." - and hung up.

No matter how irritated telemarketers make me, there are human beings on the other end of the line. The source of my irritation is the practice, not the poor soul I'm talking to. For many people though, the callers are conveniently handy to yell at. (I've also manage to side-track them into conversations about music and weather. They didn't sell me anything, but we both had a nice experience.)


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: sian, west wales
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:42 PM

There's an internet list floating around with some great lines ... but I only remember,and use, two.

One, whatever they say, ask, "Why?". Nothing else.

or

Two, tell them you're terribly interested but don't have time to talk to them right now. Ask them for their home number so you can ring them in the evening, to which they'll obviously reply that they don't give out personal numbers for business, and you can say, "Then don't use mine, please."

Works for me.

sian


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:52 PM

My handling depends on my frame of mind. Usually I hang up when I hear the delay or say "I am not interested" and hang up. I frankly feel bad for anyone who has fallen so low in life that they have to resort to phone solicitation to make ends meet. HOWEVER, the ones who claim they hire the handicapped and the blind (this means they have blind or chair bound worker, probably part time) get sucked into a long conversation on the quality and quantities of their offerings, the good deed they are doing for society, my payment options, and any other nonsense I can think of before I say "No" and hang up. TV Guide had a particularly nasty campaign here in NYC offering to donate $5 of your subscription to PAL. They simply raised the subscription rate $5 for anyone subscribing by phone. They got "Oh yes, I want to support PAL. How do I send them a donation?". That went on for fifteen minutes before I hung up.


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Subject: I say, I say, I say!
From: Bernard
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:53 PM

You say: 'What is about 9 inches long, slightly bent, and goes dead in your hand?'

They say: 'I don't know!'

CLICK! (sound of you hanging up...)


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 02:59 PM

Oh, I got a few for this one...depends on my mood. One of my favorites which I heard awhile back and now use, is to breathe heavily as though you're out of breath and interrupt them asking, "Look, I got a real problem here.....Do you know how to get blood stains out of carpeting?" From that point on play it by ear and act as though something has happened just now......like amybe you just killed someone in your den." Have fun!!!

I really like the ones who say, "This isn't a sales call, we just want to tell you about..............." The obvious responce is, "Then why did you call?" They generally say, "Just to tell you about......" Break in and tell them you don't want to know, but thanks anyway.

Try to sell them something. Work yourself up a little script about something you know a lot about and launch into them!!!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Morticia
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 03:06 PM

Can you be ex-directory in the States? This is my answer as well as being a necessity in my job.Just once did some salesperson happen on my number....I asked him if he was aware it was ex-directory, where he got my number and was he aware it was a violation of my privacy.....he hung up on me....shame *BG*.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Deckman
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 03:17 PM

Let me complicate my question, bear with me please. I have as many tricks as most when it comes to deflecting the calls. (my trick is to start speaking in FINNISH). But, that does NOT solve the problem. Our situation is awful. I am VERY envolved in my parents lives at a nursing home four blocks from home. Dad is 92, Mom is 87. They are both in failing health. Every day we arrive home to find several important medical messages from various doctors and nurses. Therefore, in the evening when we're home, and the phone rings, we jump to read the caller I.D., expecting the worse. Because of an average dozen telemarketeer calls each evening, I jump a lot. I WANT TO PUT THESE BASTARDS OUT OF BUSINESS. I Don't give a diddly squat how nice they are, what their voting record is, or how poor they are. I want them to stop calling me, period the end. I also want my State Senators to stop taking the payoff dollars. Thanks again for your help, Bob Nelson (deckman)


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 03:22 PM

If they mispronounce my last name, it's a sure bet it's a telemarketer. If they say"Hello, ( my first name)" in a New York accent, and ask "how're you doing today?" that means they're from an investment/brokerage firm. I tell them: "Fine. Thanks for your concern. I really appreciate it. Bye."


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: SINSULL
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 03:24 PM

Bob,
Supposedly, After January 1,2001, you can tell the caller to remove your name from their list. If they continue to call, they are subject to a $500 fine per call. Anyone else read this? Is it only in NY? And how do you get the bureaucracy to work?


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: GUEST,diddlysquat
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 03:54 PM

You can set up a call blocker, that works. I noticed that if one takes off the call blocker and one does not anwser the Sales calls they will call back and mess up the answering machine. I've no idea how they do that but they do it every time. Last year for example I had to buy a new answering machine when they broke my old one.

The routine is like this, you'll get a dead call, no message but a lot of tape is used. Then next time the dead call ends in a squealing sound, then the next the sound as well as the line warning from the TC auto operator and the machine locks up. One then has to dissconnect it and redo the greeting. Final call will lock it up so bad the tape has to be replaced.

I think but cannot prove, the Phone Companies use these tactics as well, especially for added packages like caller Id, Line Blocker etc.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Banjer
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 04:32 PM

I also respond epending upon my mood. If I have a little time to waste I play games with them. Stuff like, "This is not a good time for me, give me your number and I'll call you when I get to it" or, depending on the product..."Water softener? No, the only time I have hard water is when I freeze it....Take it out of the freezer seems to soften it up every time...."; or like 'Spaw said, start to sell them something....We have an outfit that used to call us about heater repairs. I used to tell them I burn wood for heat, and the reply would be, "oh so you have a fireplace?"...The correct response just before hanging up is "No, we build a fire in the living room floor"


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 04:53 PM

Excellent suggestions! blood stains indeed! I let the machine answer usually...it says "If you are selling something, press one. if I owe you money. press two, otherwise, leave a message and I'll call you back" Naturally, it does them no good to press anything, so they just hang up. On those rare occassions when I do pick it up, at the slightest delay, I hang up.

A few years ago, this dating service near drove me nuts, and no amount of "I'm not interested" could stop them. Finally, after about the 4th call, the lady got real personal, and asked "Are you seeing anyone"? I replied, "Yes" she asked "Is it serious"? I said "It will be if her husband finds out"! she said "Oh my...oh dear"! no more calls.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: GUEST,Phil Cooper
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 05:37 PM

In my house there are several Mr.Cooper's. When asked if they can speak to Mr. Cooper, I ask which one. If they ask for my dad, using his first initial and middle name, I know they're reading from a directory, his friends know how he's called. I just say he's not home. If they ask for me by my legal full name, I know it's a credit card solicitation and say that I'm not home. People who call that are friends, or looking for me to do a booking, know that I'm Phil, not Phillip.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Giac
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 06:07 PM

A large number of telemarketers have no idea who they are calling until the party answers and the name shows up on a caller ID sort of system on their computer screens. The calls are dialed automatically by their telephone system. For instance, if the last four digits of your number are 1234, the next number to be called will be 1235.

Unfortunately, I became all too familiar with telemarketers and their hows and whys while I was working for an answering service. We had all numbers through several sequences for our client accounts, and the operators suffered through hours of automated calls coming into our trunk lines in sequence. Sometimes we played little games with the callers, but our powers that were became a bit disenchanted and forced us to stop.

I don't care why they are doing it, I usually yell, "NO, bad dog!" Then I blow a whistle into the phone and hang up.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 06:44 PM

I'm with WYSIWYG on this. It's a lousy job, no need to waste your time and their's. I just say "Sorry, I'm not interested" and hang up. The more calls they do the more they get paid (and little enough), so I reckon I'm doing them a favour in not taking up their time with smart-arse wise-cracks which they've heard hundreds of time.

The only person I knew who did one of those jobs, for a short time, was about the kindest and most decent young person I've ever known. Any time I might feel like trying to give a nuisance cold-caller a hard time, I think of her, and just hang up instead.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: sophocleese
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 08:34 PM

I'm one of those who says something like "I'm not interested, I never buy things over the phone." Then again I don't get dozen a night, I don't know what I'd do then. You have my sympathy Deckman, you don't have the option of turning the thing off either.

There was something on the news about 6 months ago about a man who had been one of the people on the phone who got a lot of abuse and hated it. He wanted to do an art project where he would call people up at random and insult them as he had been insulted. I don't know if he got the funding for it.

I figure if our provincial government can make laws to try and outlaw squeegee kids they can outlaw telemarketing as well.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: MarkS
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 08:54 PM

A nice technique to keep from getting on the list in the first place, is to see that your personal checks do not have your telephone number imprinted on them. We found that when we reordered checks with our number on them, the volume of telemarket calls increased. So if you are moved to support a charity (commendable) or a political party or suchlike, line out your phone number if it is on you check. These guys all share info and the calls result.
MarkS


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: rangeroger
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 09:07 PM

Idaho just won a lawsuit against a telemarketing firm and nailed them to the wall.Deckman,it's going to take an aggressive State Attorney General to stop the telemarketers.

Personally, I screen my calls through the answering machine.The computer dialers don't leave a message. Friends do.The funniest one I get is from First Security Bank.The computer dials the number then puts YOU on hold when the machine answers.It gives a message "Please hold for an important message from First Security Bank", then plays muzak for anywhere from 30 secs to several minutes until a human comes on the line saying "Hello,Hello" with no one to answer them.If they can't be bothered to program the computer to tell the difference between a human and an answering machine,Fokem.

Plus, how many people do you think would stand there and abide being put in hold by a computer that called you?

rr


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: campfire
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 09:15 PM

I'm usually as polite as my mood can tolerate, but tell them, depending on what they are "selling":

1. (Somthing I don't want now and don't envision ever wanting:) "I'm sorry, I'm not interested and don't expect to be. Please remove me from your calling list and don't ever call me again. Thank you." (without letting them get in a word edgewise, as they probably just did to me in their speil) Only a few have been persistant, and then I hate to admit I can get as rude as they do, resorting to hanging up on them if needed.

2. (Something I don't think I want, but might) "I never buy anything over the telephone. Please send me all the details in writing, so I can inspect it fully. If I'm interested after I read all about it, I'll contact you. And please don't contact me by phone again." (I've never gotten the written matter)

3. (Ludicrous things - live two months free life insurance "to try out" before I decide if I want it) "I don't plan to die in the next two months so how would I know if I liked it?"

Actually, I did once tell the telemarketer that asked for "Mrs. My Last Name" that she was out of the country. I'm not married, and my mother (who, of course, does not live here) actually was.

Lawn services get the standard: "I have a very big dog (true statement - I try not to lie) that has the run of the yard."

Last week someone tried to "give" me free airline tickets to anywhere in the country if I would come take a 90 minute tour of their resort (located about two hours from here). I asked her if they allow dogs. She said they did not. I said I was then not interested as I have two, and don't travel without them. She was rather incredulous that I couldn't leave them home long enough to tour the resort. I tried to explain that if I couldn't STAY there with my dogs, why would I want to tour it? She said I don't have to stay there to get the free airline tickets, just take the tour. I'm now trying not to laugh, as I ask: Why would I waste your time and mine touring a facility that you've just told me I can't stay at? She didn't have an answer for me, and hung up.

campfire


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 09:28 PM

Yeah, like McGrath and Susan, I'm afraid I'm just a big suck. I think what a crappy job they're doin' and politely say "no thanks". Galls me sometimes, 'cause I've got a million snappy comebacks, and it would be fun to use 'em, but I know how many out of work musicians have had to work as telemarketers.

Shit, I know a fairly prominent singer-songwriter who moonlights as a "phone-sex" person. Now if she only had her cabby licence........

Rick


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Plume
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 09:33 PM

I have so much fun with telemarketers that I actually look forward to their calls now. For me it's just an excuse to practice my improv skills. I generally try to misinterpret whatever it is they're attempting to sell and use it as the basis for an epic monologue, often lasting fifteen minutes or more. "Windows? Say, I'm awfully glad you called because I been thinkin' about buyin' one of them computer things only I don't know whether to go with that windows thing or that Apple one. I'm sorta leanin' toward Apples right now 'cause I always did have a sweet tooth and I remember the time me and Fredddy Butzlauf spent five dollars on a bushel of apples and ate every last one of 'em and I know what you're thinking, you're probably saying to yourself right now where the heck did a couple of snot-nosed kids get five dollars, but that was just the half of it 'cause the fact of the matter is we'd gotten us five dollars a piece — yes that's right, five dollars each! — and that was good money in those days — for shovelin' out Mrs. Heester's walkway after that big snow — you remember the one — oh, criminey, it practically buried the whole town, you have to remember that unless you're not from around here. Well, I'm not sayin' we didn't deserve it 'cause the snow around her house musta been at least 20 feet deep and you know her walk was about a city block long..." etc. If I haven't that kind of energy, I usually just say, "Excuse, me, I think I hear someone at the door. I'll be right back." Then I, like fulurum, just leave them hanging.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: campfire
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 09:34 PM

Rick, the phone-sex people don't call YOU, though. (At least not here!) That would make it interesting - you really couldn't say "No, I don't want any" or "I gave at the office", could you. LOL

campfire


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: R!
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 09:55 PM

The poor schlep on the other end of the line is just trying to earn a living. S/he may not have any other employment options AND may be in a different time zone that you. That caller does not know when you eat dinner. Remembering that it is a person, just politely say, "Thanks, but no" and hang up right away. You may ask to be put on the "do not call" list but that will only work for calls originating in your state. (This is addressed to the US only) THe FCC has ruled that, nationwide, telemarketers are prohibited from calling you after 8 pm. Remind the caller if you get a call like this. On a related issue, NO telephone company employee will call you and tell you that they are testing the line and ask you to dial a number or say that you've been overcharged and are due a refund. If you get calls like this, do not give out any information; it is a scam. Legitimate phone companies do not do this. Prisioners will sometimes place collect calls and ask you to forward to another number. Again, it's a scam. Whatever the origin, Be brief, say no, hang up. Can you tell that I work for one of the largest telephone companies in the world?

Reen


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: GUEST,Melani
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 10:16 PM


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 10:16 PM

I am totally merciless with them. I say things they've never heard before until they go away.

I got a lot of calls from stockbroker outfits for a while. One guy kept asking me sucker questions like: "Would you like to double your income this year?"

I said, "Before I answer that, I'd like to ask you a question."

"What is it?" he queried.

"Suppose you had in your back yard a small pear tree," says I, "and you also had a very large rhinoceros, weighing several thousand pounds, and you wanted to get that rhinoceros into the top of the pear tree?"

There was a lengthy pause on the other end of the line...

"That wouldn't work," he said.

"Neither will your sales technique work on me," I replied, and hung up.

I laughed for quite a while after that one...brightened up my whole day.

With others, I tell them, "Well, I can't help you with that. You need to talk to Mr. Chongo. Shall I transfer your call to his line?"

They say "yes", of course. I tap the phone, put it down for a few seconds, then pick it up, tap it again, and start hooting and screeching like a chimpanzee, and banging the phone around. Great fun. If they don't hang up, I do, after getting out some really good screeches.

I have no shame when it comes to telemarketers.

I also sometimes tell them to hold and then I go away and do something else for 10 or 15 minutes. Works great.

Sometimes I do like Spaw suggested and start trying to sell them the Coldwater Bridge. It's a small bridge in a little town west of here. I keep trying to sell it to them until they give up and go away.

Sometimes I turn on Bob Dylan on the ghetto blaster, doing "Like A Rolling Stone" or some other hostile song, and put the receiver right by the speaker and let it play.

Whatever.

I know telemarketing is a miserable job, and I pity the people who do it, in a sense, but I will NOT put up with them. They're like mosquitos.

If I ran the government I would simply make it illegal, period, to do telemarketing. It's invasion of people's privacy. Ditto for spam emails on the computer.

As for those f**kers who go around door to door selling vacuum cleaners to housebound seniors for 3 or 4 times what they're worth...I'd tar and feather them, and put them to work breaking rocks for a few months on top of that. They are nothing better than liars and thieves.

- LH


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: GUEST,Melani
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 10:23 PM

Excuse the empty post--screwy computer. If I'm in a hurry or just don't want to be bothered or they sound decent or stupid, I just interrupt as soon as possible and say, "No thanks. Bye." and hang up. If they sound like smartasses and I'm feeling mischievous, I tease them.

By the way, Spaw, that rap about bloodstains was recorded by a guy who taped all his telemarketer calls and then put out a CD of them. It was hilarious and sold all 1000 copies almost instantly. He did the bloodstain routine on a guy selling carpet cleaning, and apparently freaked the guy out completely, because half an hour later, the police were at his door. When he told them what he had done, one cop wanted to arrest him for malicious mischief, but the the other was rolling on the ground laughing too hard to get the handcuffs out.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 10:31 PM

It's nice to know that there are a few cops out there with a sense of humour! :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: catspaw49
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 10:52 PM

Yeah Melani....I heard it on a local radio show and like I said, put it to use right away.

BOB: Regardless of what may or may not happen, you've reached a point where you are probably better off starting over with a new and unlisted number. I know that's a pain in the ass, but it does work for most of the calls. The computer sequential stuff will still come through, but that's a tiny percentage of the total and almost incremental from the standpoint of what you are now receiving.

Doing this may cause a few headaches, but if you give your number out wisely and use the old number for publication (it fills in the blanks and it did USED to be yours), you'll be better off. Use the Caller ID to block the anonymous and that leaves you with a small percentage of unavailables. Anyone getting through should be asked to remove your name from any list they have (ask where they got it) and not to forward it to anyone else. get their name and company and return phone number.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: alison
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 11:09 PM

"would you like it if I phoned you at 4am?... no.. I didn't think so... well I've been working night shift so that's what you just did to me, go away I'm not interested!"

also when it comes to new roofs, insurance , mortgages etc..

"sorry we're renting works" fine too....

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: campfire
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 11:31 PM

Little Hawk, the door to door ones are easy. I really do have a very big dog. He wouldn't hurt a flea, but he makes a LOT of noise when someone comes to the door. There is one word that will put him quietly back on his bed - but I don't use it. All the "stop that!s" I do use put on a good show for the person at the door, but mean nothing to him. Talking over his barking is next to impossible, and he looks like an uncontrollable beast! Even the callers who want to light my way to heaven don't want to go today!

campfire


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 11:32 PM

Deckman, since your position is from a sort of "911" position, just say:

"I am sorry, I am waiting on an emergency call from the hospital,PLEASE Remove me from your calling list immediately." and hang up. The calls should stop fairly soon. If they don't, call the FCC---Federal Communicatins Commision, and tell them that your line can not be tied up at all because of probable in coming emergency calls.

When in doubt speak to the Horses Mouth. I will go look for a toll free number for the FCC........


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Feb 01 - 11:35 PM

FCC Home Page


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: kimmers
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 01:03 AM

When I was a kid, I would hand the phone off to my brother. He would then speak loudly in mock Arabic or mock Swedish or whatever struck his fancy that day. I loved listening to him.

Now, I use caller ID. If it ain't a known friend or relative, or the office, or the hospital, I don't answer it. That no one's time gets wasted.

I'd really like to know how to handle door-to-door religious canvassers. I don't really want to read the Watchtower, thank you very much. I have my own church (one that has more dignity than to send people out 'converting' by knocking on doors) and am not about to be converted by a stranger on my doorstep waving a pamphlet. They've ignored every "No Solicitation" sign I've put up so far.


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 04:50 AM

Different timezones don't apply in the UK and although I agree that they are only making a living I am sure they do not have to try and do it at the expense of my limited free time! I am therefore quite merciless.

Latest one

Mr Polshaw?
Yes....
Of 49 etc etc etc?
Yes....
Oh, good. Can I ask what sort of security you have at your house
You are joking arn't you?
What do you mean>
Well. You know my name. You know where I live. You are asking me to tell you if you can break into my house???You want me to call the police???
Click. Brrrrrrrrrrr

My favourite though was not a telesale but a door to door cavity wall insulation salesman. Feeling particularly evil and having nothing better to do I got hime to spend 2 hours explaining the benefits. Got him to fill in the agreement, credit agreement, everything. Just before signing I asked a significant question.

"Can you tell me where you are going to put the cavity wall insulation?"
What do you mean? He asks, going very quiet.
"Just that, well, like, we have solid walls. Where are you going to install the cavity wall insulation? Inside or outside the walls?"

The air turned blue and I invited him to step outside to calm down...;-)

Well... he should have noticed shouldn't he! Nasty little bugger ain't I?

Dave the evil Gnome


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Joe Offer
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 05:08 AM

I understand the labor market here in Sacramento is relatively cheap, so we have a number of telemarketing firms - and all three of my kids have been stuck doing telemarketing work or political surveys. I did a lot of phone work as a government investigator and got my share of hangup calls, so I have a lot of sympathy.
I try to finish the call quickly, but I also try to say something that will brighten up their day a bit. I can't think of a more thankless job to have.
I used my home phone for government business when I was working, so I still answer rather formally, "Hello, Joe Offer speaking." Many telemarketers think it's a business phone, and I think that word gets around. I don't get many telemarketing calls.
-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: How Do You Handle Telemarketers?
From: Ella who is Sooze
Date: 12 Feb 01 - 05:10 AM

well, recently our house were getting funny phonecalls at least one an evening.

When we phoned BT, to do the nuisance call thing, they told us that it was probably telemarketers.

That the telemarketers, have this system, which automatically dials lots of numbers at the same time... and if someone is quicker to answer the phone than you, and all the lines are busy, then your number will stop ringing, as they have no one to speak to you...

We had our selves put on this list - can't remember what it was - BT know... that if the telemarketer calls you then they get a fine... No calls since...

I hate the ones where they say... Can I speak to...Ella (for example) you ask them who is calling and in a friendly way they say, it's Karen - as though she was my friend.... I have had arguments with people like this...

On one occaision, I was pestered by Staybright windows and had 5 calls one after the other, by a rude salesman, being pervy... In the end I threatened to involve the police if he didn't stop pesteriing me.

Ella

grrrrrr!


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