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BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*

JennieG 08 Nov 00 - 12:51 AM
Helen 07 Nov 00 - 03:36 AM
Bob Bolton 06 Nov 00 - 09:47 PM
Lena 08 Sep 00 - 08:10 PM
sophocleese 29 Feb 00 - 05:02 PM
Art Thieme 29 Feb 00 - 01:24 PM
GUEST,PETR 28 Feb 00 - 08:58 PM
GUEST 27 Feb 00 - 11:47 PM
Sorcha 27 Feb 00 - 10:20 PM
MAG (inactive) 27 Feb 00 - 10:11 PM
momnopp 27 Feb 00 - 03:55 PM
bob schwarer 27 Feb 00 - 11:55 AM
Eric the Viking 27 Feb 00 - 09:44 AM
kendall 27 Feb 00 - 09:33 AM
Metchosin 27 Feb 00 - 02:46 AM
Troll 27 Feb 00 - 02:14 AM
GUEST,John Gray / Australia 27 Feb 00 - 12:02 AM
kendall 26 Feb 00 - 10:32 PM
kendall 26 Feb 00 - 12:36 PM
Amos 26 Feb 00 - 10:23 AM
Troll 26 Feb 00 - 10:21 AM
Amos 26 Feb 00 - 09:28 AM
kendall 26 Feb 00 - 09:17 AM
kendall 26 Feb 00 - 08:47 AM
wysiwyg 26 Feb 00 - 02:53 AM
Amos 25 Feb 00 - 11:33 PM
Mark Cohen 25 Feb 00 - 11:13 PM
Helen 25 Feb 00 - 09:18 PM
Troll 24 Feb 00 - 07:22 AM
Amos 24 Feb 00 - 12:58 AM
Amos 24 Feb 00 - 12:54 AM
Barky 24 Feb 00 - 12:26 AM
Troll 23 Feb 00 - 10:17 PM
sophocleese 23 Feb 00 - 04:06 PM
Molly Malone 23 Feb 00 - 04:03 PM
kendall 23 Feb 00 - 03:53 PM
Uncle_DaveO 23 Feb 00 - 03:50 PM
annamill 23 Feb 00 - 02:52 PM
annamill 23 Feb 00 - 02:09 PM
Troll 23 Feb 00 - 02:04 PM
wysiwyg 23 Feb 00 - 01:53 PM
Bert 23 Feb 00 - 01:48 PM
Amos 23 Feb 00 - 01:38 PM
annamill 23 Feb 00 - 01:34 PM
kendall 23 Feb 00 - 01:26 PM
Troll 23 Feb 00 - 12:29 PM
wysiwyg 23 Feb 00 - 12:00 PM
Skipjack K8 23 Feb 00 - 11:34 AM
Molly Malone 23 Feb 00 - 11:21 AM
GUEST,art 23 Feb 00 - 04:00 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: JennieG
Date: 08 Nov 00 - 12:51 AM

G'day all,
I'm the one that Bob Bolton mentioned.....I am leaving my job in mid-December as I can no longer cope. My boss controls his staff (me and one other) by intimidation and bullying. In the meantime I am looking for another job - wish me luck!
Cheers
JennieG


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Helen
Date: 07 Nov 00 - 03:36 AM

Hi Bob,

PM me if you want to know about any of the anti-bullying resources I have found. Also, there is a part 2 of this thread with a similar name.

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Bob Bolton
Date: 06 Nov 00 - 09:47 PM

G'day all,

I'll refresh this again because A friend of mine is suffering much the same sort of experience that led Helen to start the thread back ... in February. I hope some of this helps.

Regards,

Bob Bolton


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Lena
Date: 08 Sep 00 - 08:10 PM

refresh


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: sophocleese
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 05:02 PM

Petr, mislaying it is one thing but I find searching for it again quite fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Art Thieme
Date: 29 Feb 00 - 01:24 PM

Kendall,

The flavor is somewhere between a Bald Eagle and a Trumpeter Swan...

Art


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: GUEST,PETR
Date: 28 Feb 00 - 08:58 PM

I never lost my virginity, I just mislaid it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: GUEST
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 11:47 PM

Click here to go to Part II of this thread


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Sorcha
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 10:20 PM

Time to start Lost it II. Gonna do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 10:11 PM

That's the "bulbenik" story in *Joys of Yiddish* -- good luck with the new position you WILL find -- and everything will be on the up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: momnopp
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 03:55 PM

Peking Take Away

A young Chinese couple got married. On the wedding night, the wife lies naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.He climbs in bed next to her and tries to be reassuring:
"My dalling, I know dis yu filst time and yu flighten ... I plomise yu, I give yu anyting yu wan, I do anyting yu wan. What yu wan?"
"I wanna numma 69", she replies."
You wanna Cantonese beef with bloccolli?????????"


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: bob schwarer
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 11:55 AM

We all know that tampons are spongey
And oftentimes get rather grungy
But why they have strings
Among other things
Is so that the crabs can all bungee

Baaaaaaaad


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Eric the Viking
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 09:44 AM

There were two bell ringers in church, one tied his penis to a bell rope-the other told (tolled) him off.

Quazimodo was up on the roof of the cathederal with Esmarelda. all of a sudden he was flying through the air towards the ground- his dying words as he landed were "you stupid bitch, when I asked you to toss me off, I didn't mean off the bloody roof"!! -splat!! Eric


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: kendall
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 09:33 AM

good one Metchosen!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Metchosin
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 02:46 AM

A firefighter is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl has in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a firefighter's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.

The firefighter says, "Hey, little girl, whatcha doing?"
The little girl says, "I'm pretending to be a firefighter, and this is my fire truck!"
The firefighter walks over to take a closer look.
"Little girl, that sure is a nice fire truck!" the firefighter says.
"Thanks, mister," says the little girl.
The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the wagon to the dog's testicles.
"Little girl," says the firefighter, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck, I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn'thave a siren!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Troll
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 02:14 AM

There was a young fellow from boston

Who bought him a very small Austin

There was room for his ass

And two gallons of gas

But his balls hung out and he lost 'em

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: GUEST,John Gray / Australia
Date: 27 Feb 00 - 12:02 AM

I once had a little dog named Ben, he had nine arsehloes - nearly ten, he wouldn't eat bread, and he wouldn't eat crust; but he ate apple-pie, 'till he fockin' near bust !

JG _ F.M.E.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: kendall
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 10:32 PM

stop me before I post again


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: kendall
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 12:36 PM

There once was a man from Racine
Who invented a f***ing machine
Concave or convex, whichever the sex
But, it was a bastard to clean.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 10:23 AM

AH, Todd -- what a sweet pie that was...so naive...


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Troll
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 10:21 AM

There once was a girlie anmed Todd

Who thought babies all came from God.

But it were'nt the Almighty who lifted her nighty,

'T'were Roger the lodger.The Sod!

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Amos
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 09:28 AM

Kendall: I can just hear you sayin g that last line...I'm cracking up! Thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: kendall
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 09:17 AM

A broken down harlot named Tupps
Was heard to exclaim in her cups
The height of my folly was screwing a Collie
But, I got a good price for the pups.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: kendall
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 08:47 AM

There was a young lady named Carol
Who liked to play stud for apparel
Her opponents straight flush
Brought a maidenly blush
And a hasty trip home in a barrel.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Feb 00 - 02:53 AM

Ummmm, guys? I could swear that today the little grabby hand on the 'puter screen gave me the finger. And the pointy nouse thing pointed at me. (SShhh) I am sharing this in this thread becuse it is my hope that people who are serious enough to open a thread of this title, and post to it, are indeed serious enough to THINK about this and HELP ME!

Psst-- Know how I get the most outta my staff? I tell them to give me what I've asked for as quick as they wanna see me go home for the day. Everyone's happy!!!!

Hardiman was too tired to log on tonight, so I am stealing his plan!! He's gonna sign on tomorrow to tellya, went to bed all happy about it-- He wants you all to know that although he usually plays with himself, tonight I played with him while he fiddled with me! I warned him I'd use the line myself-- oh well!

That's OK, though, because he has another real hoot of a topic to post when he does sign on.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Amos
Date: 25 Feb 00 - 11:33 PM

This ventriloquist needing some practice drives up into the hills onto reservation land and sees a weathered old Indian sitting on his porch, minding his own business, watching his sheep graze. The ventriloquist stops and walks over, saying "Hey, Chief...this your dog?". "Yes, my dog!" "Didja know yer dog could talk?" "Dog does not talk!".

So the ventriloquist throws his voice and the dogs says, "My master kicks me and doesn't feed me enough!". The chief is startled, but says nothing..
.
"Well chief," says the insensitive ventriloquist, "Is that your horse?" "Yes, my horse!" "Didja know your horse could talk?" "Horse NOT talk!'..

So the ventriloquist throws his voice and the horse says, "My master rides me hard, and puts me up wet...". The chief is startled. Mutters under his breath..

Then the ventriloquist, who is on a roll, says, "Hey, Chief...those your sheep over there?"..

The chief stands up and says, "SHEEP LIE!!!!"...


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Mark Cohen
Date: 25 Feb 00 - 11:13 PM

Late, as ever, but here are my contributions.

Three couples were seeking admission to the Church. At the end of the course of instruction, the priest said, "Now, as a sign of your devotion to the Church, you must all abstain from marital relations [that's sex, if you must know] for a week. I'll see you all back here next Sunday."
A week later, they all gathered again, and the priest said to the first couple, who were somewhat advanced in years, "Were you successful in your devotion?" And they said, "Why, yes, we did manage all right." "Very well, then, welcome to the church," the priest replied.
"And you?" he asked the second couple, who were of a middling age. "Well, it was difficult, but this is important to us so we were able to do it." "Congratulations, welcome to the church," he said as they ran off.
"And how did you folks do?" he asked the young couple. "Well, father," said the young man, "we were doing all right for a while but when she bent down to pick up a can of tomatoes I just couldn't stop myself." "I'm sorry, my son, but I can't let you into the Church." "Oh, that's all right, Father, we understand," said the young woman. "They won't let us back into Safeway, either."

Then there was the ethnic who flunked out of pharmacy school...he couldn't figure out how to get the little bottle into the typewriter.

And then there's the world's shortest cowboy song:
Out in the West Texas town of El Paso,
One little kiss and Florina, goodbye.

Good luck, Helen. Illegitimi non carborundum.

Aloha,
Mark


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Helen
Date: 25 Feb 00 - 09:18 PM

Hi again

I have been checking in on this thread every day, sometimes twice a day in the lead-up to the mediation session I had yesterday morning with my boss & another manager. The session went fairly well (grimace), but my suspicions of the underhanded dealings of the boss have been well & truly confirmed for me, although he has spent a great deal of energy inventing words to cover his tracks. The female manager approached the mediation session in a much more open & balanced way and I now respect her a lot - I did already for some things, but we haven't had as much contact as we should have so I had not had a chance to get to know her well.

We have come to an agreement about what is to happen to me and it will work in the short term, especially because I will be reporting to the manager & not the boss, but now - as seems usual for the last two years, five years, who knows how long? - I am again desperately searching for a job because I will definitely have no more work after the end of June from these guys.

So, thanks to all of you for making a mighty contribution towards keeping me sane and relatively balanced over the last few days with this thread, and also to everyone at Mudcat for just being yourselves for as long as I have been here. I can feel my sense of humour doing a U-turn somewhere way out there on the road to nowhere, and heading back home to me.

Okay, end of serious transmission. Let me think of another one of my awful jokes to annoy you with.

Okay, the only one I can think of is this one:

A guy looks out of his window one morning and notices that the garbage truck has been and his big rubbish bin on wheels is there but his next door neighbour's bin is missing.

Being a good neighbour he goes and knocks on the door and says "Where's your bin?" and the other guy says "I'se bin away on holidays".

The first one says, "No, where's your wheelie-bin?".

The neighbour looks worried, looks around a bit, checks up & down the street, and says "I'se really bin in jail, man, but don't you tell anyone!"

Helen


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Troll
Date: 24 Feb 00 - 07:22 AM

There once was a girl from St. Paul,

Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.

But a sudden flash fire,

It burnt her attire,

The front page, sports section, and all!

Now this is the story of Clyde, Who fell in an outhouse and died.

And then theres his brother,

Who fell in another,

And now they're interred side by side

troll who refuses to leave it alone and let it die


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 00 - 12:58 AM

Here's one I sure hope she doesn't know yet!

There once was a lady quite rude
Who walked down the street in the nude!
A policeman said "What Am"
"Agnificnet Bottam!"
And smacked it as hard as he coouuld!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Amos
Date: 24 Feb 00 - 12:54 AM

Dang! Barky beat me to it! That's it! Your IMac is confiscated!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Barky
Date: 24 Feb 00 - 12:26 AM

Molly:

There once was a lady from Clyde,
Who ate so many apples she died!
The apples fermented,
inside the lamented,
and made cider inside 'er inside!

Hope I could help!

~Barky


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Troll
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 10:17 PM

He's baaaack!

Said old lady Jenifer Prim,

After cycling down cobblestone rim,

I'm feeling quite spry, T'was a great thing to try,

But I'll never come that way again.

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: sophocleese
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 04:06 PM

Three balls and a purple goatee. Ya gotta finish it kendall.

There once were two ladies of Birmingham/ And this is the story concerning'em/ They lifted the frock/ And diddled the cock/ Of the bishop as he was confirming'em


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Molly Malone
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 04:03 PM

Does anyone know the limerick about the woman who ate the apple that went bad, and the last line is something about "It turned in side her inside into cider"?
There once was a Frenchman named Jock,
Who's love life kept him up 'round the clock,
The maidens revered him,
And some of them feared him,
Because he had a 19 inch.....





Scar, that ran right down the side of his face.;)


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 03:53 PM

I knew...I'm not the dullest knife in the drawer:-)

There once was a randy Chinee
Who humped an ape in a tree
The result was quite horrid
All ass, no forhead


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 03:50 PM

Somewhat late, I offer the acronym of a widespread new organization: DAMN. ,br>

National Mothers Against Dyslexia.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: annamill
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 02:52 PM

Kendall, I hope you know I was joking. I did forget the **BG** and the ;-).

Love, annap


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: annamill
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 02:09 PM

Thank you Bert. I try again.

There was a young woman from Devizes with breasts of two different sizes. One was small, nothing at all. The other was large and won prizes.

When left to my own Devizes I will misname. This IS better.

Love, annap


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Troll
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 02:04 PM

A limericks a poem economical,

Whose subject's sometimes anatomical

But the good ones I've seen,

So seldom are clean,

And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

With that said...

In London a newsboy named Grimes,

Led girls on to infamous crimes.

"I deliver" he'd boast,

"Two Globes and a Post,

And goodness knows how many times."

To his friends said the maitre'd hotel,

My guests can all go to hell.

What they do to my wife

Is the curse of my life,

And the worst is, they do it so well!

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 01:53 PM

Oh all right. If this has ever been posted I guess it won't hurt to post it again, apparently it falls to me. I am missing one line, I hope someone will supply it...

According to brassiere salespeople, there are only these following sizes in nature:

Sub-nubbins
Nubbins

Droopers
Bloopers
and Super-Bloopers.

Let's go now.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Bert
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 01:48 PM

Annap,

the woman came from here

Bert


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 01:38 PM

A profligate fairy named Broome
Had a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
About who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: annamill
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 01:34 PM

Kendall, you cannot say fuck on Mudcat!! You must say f**k!

There was a young woman from Nices (pronounced Nizez) with breasts of two different sizes. One was small, nothing at all. The other was large and won prizes.

I have no idea where Nices isis!

Love, annap


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: kendall
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 01:26 PM

ok Troll lets have a limerick festival. ( by the way, I dont have a book of them, strictly memory)

A mathmatician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The cube of its weight
Plus his pecker, times eight
Was four fifths of five eights, of fuck all.


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Troll
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 12:29 PM

When the Lord created earth, it wasn't all easy going! HE came walking past Gabriel. "Hows the project going?" "Oh, pretty well. I just divided the time into two periods of dark and light" "Impressive" said Gabriel, " What are you going to do now." "Oh" said God, "I think I'll call it a day."

troll


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: wysiwyg
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 12:00 PM

to follow kat's lead: (This is one ideal not masquerading as one reality)

When God Made Moms (God Bless The Women I Know)

By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An Angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one"? And the Lord answered and said, "Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have 200 movable parts, all replaceable, run on black coffee and leftovers, have a lap that can hold three children at one time and that disappears when she stands up, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart, and have six pairs of hands."

The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. "Six pairs of hands! No Way!" said the Angel. The Lord replied, "Oh, it's not the hands that are the problem. It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!" "And that's just on the standard model?" the Angel asked.

The Lord nodded in agreement, "Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair, in the back of her head, are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word."

The Angel tried to stop the Lord. "This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." "But I can't, " the Lord protested, "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower."

The Angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she be able to think?" asked theAngel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate."

The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." The Lord replied, "That's not a leak. That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the Angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride." The Angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything, for WOMAN is truly amazing!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Skipjack K8
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 11:34 AM

That's the trouble with Irish Boomerangs; they don't come back, but keep singing songs 'bout how much they want to.

And how many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Juan!

Fella comes home unexpectedly, finds wife naked in bed in the middle of the afternoon, knows whats up, strides across the bedroom and throws open the bathroom door. There's this naked man standing on the khazi with his hands cupped against the wall.

Husband "What's your game ,mate?"

Lover "Good afternoon, sir. I'm from the council pest control department. You wife reported a moth infestation, and I'm just dealing with the last one now"

Husband "But your naked, man!"

Lover, looking down "The little bastards!"

Skipjack


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: Molly Malone
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 11:21 AM

There once was a young lass from Whimbly,
Reproached for not acting more primly.
She said, "Heavens above,
I know sex isn't love
But it's such an attractive facsimile."


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Subject: RE: BS: Help: Lost my sense of humour *BG*
From: GUEST,art
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 04:00 AM

did you know that DNA stands for the national dyslexic association


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Mudcat time: 25 October 8:31 PM EDT

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