mudcat.org: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafeawe

Post to this Thread - Sort Descending - Printer Friendly - Home


BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature

Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 07:39 AM
Dave the Gnome 15 Aug 18 - 07:43 AM
Backwoodsman 15 Aug 18 - 07:58 AM
Mr Red 15 Aug 18 - 08:12 AM
Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 08:13 AM
Senoufou 15 Aug 18 - 08:14 AM
Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 08:17 AM
Senoufou 15 Aug 18 - 08:37 AM
Dave Hanson 15 Aug 18 - 09:24 AM
Dave the Gnome 15 Aug 18 - 09:42 AM
Raedwulf 15 Aug 18 - 10:07 AM
MikeL2 15 Aug 18 - 10:23 AM
Dave the Gnome 15 Aug 18 - 10:37 AM
leeneia 15 Aug 18 - 10:50 AM
Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 10:55 AM
Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 11:20 AM
DMcG 15 Aug 18 - 12:36 PM
Jos 15 Aug 18 - 12:43 PM
Senoufou 15 Aug 18 - 12:43 PM
Donuel 15 Aug 18 - 01:14 PM
Senoufou 15 Aug 18 - 01:45 PM
DMcG 15 Aug 18 - 01:48 PM
Raedwulf 15 Aug 18 - 01:49 PM
MikeL2 15 Aug 18 - 02:14 PM
MikeL2 15 Aug 18 - 02:20 PM
MikeL2 15 Aug 18 - 02:29 PM
Jos 15 Aug 18 - 02:33 PM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 15 Aug 18 - 03:26 PM
Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 06:55 PM
Donuel 15 Aug 18 - 08:26 PM
Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM
leeneia 15 Aug 18 - 09:10 PM
Steve Shaw 15 Aug 18 - 09:20 PM
Joe_F 15 Aug 18 - 09:59 PM
BobL 16 Aug 18 - 02:15 AM
Senoufou 16 Aug 18 - 02:45 AM
Steve Shaw 16 Aug 18 - 05:57 AM
Senoufou 16 Aug 18 - 06:08 AM
Stilly River Sage 16 Aug 18 - 08:49 AM
Steve Shaw 16 Aug 18 - 08:59 AM
MikeL2 16 Aug 18 - 09:29 AM
leeneia 16 Aug 18 - 12:10 PM
Senoufou 16 Aug 18 - 12:39 PM
DMcG 16 Aug 18 - 12:48 PM
Senoufou 16 Aug 18 - 01:53 PM
DMcG 16 Aug 18 - 02:12 PM
Senoufou 16 Aug 18 - 02:25 PM
Senoufou 16 Aug 18 - 02:36 PM
MikeL2 16 Aug 18 - 02:49 PM
Raedwulf 16 Aug 18 - 07:05 PM
Dave Hanson 17 Aug 18 - 03:20 AM
BobL 17 Aug 18 - 04:31 AM
Dave Hanson 17 Aug 18 - 07:02 AM
Stilly River Sage 17 Aug 18 - 02:01 PM
Donuel 17 Aug 18 - 02:20 PM
MikeL2 17 Aug 18 - 02:41 PM
Steve Shaw 17 Aug 18 - 04:15 PM
BobL 18 Aug 18 - 02:53 AM
Steve Shaw 18 Aug 18 - 06:24 AM
MikeL2 18 Aug 18 - 09:22 AM
leeneia 18 Aug 18 - 12:41 PM
Jos 18 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM
leeneia 19 Aug 18 - 07:14 PM
Donuel 20 Aug 18 - 02:05 PM
Thompson 20 Aug 18 - 04:02 PM
Joe_F 20 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM
Senoufou 21 Aug 18 - 03:06 AM
BobL 21 Aug 18 - 03:24 AM
Steve Shaw 21 Aug 18 - 05:00 AM
Donuel 21 Aug 18 - 12:11 PM
Senoufou 21 Aug 18 - 12:43 PM
leeneia 21 Aug 18 - 01:04 PM
Steve Shaw 21 Aug 18 - 01:42 PM
MikeL2 21 Aug 18 - 02:10 PM
MikeL2 21 Aug 18 - 02:23 PM
Jos 21 Aug 18 - 02:49 PM
Senoufou 21 Aug 18 - 03:44 PM
Steve Shaw 21 Aug 18 - 05:19 PM
Donuel 21 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM
BobL 22 Aug 18 - 02:58 AM
Mr Red 22 Aug 18 - 04:36 AM
Jos 22 Aug 18 - 04:39 AM
Steve Shaw 22 Aug 18 - 05:36 AM
Senoufou 22 Aug 18 - 05:41 AM
Donuel 22 Aug 18 - 06:57 AM
Steve Shaw 22 Aug 18 - 07:33 AM
Donuel 22 Aug 18 - 12:19 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:








Subject: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 07:39 AM

If you pick up a harmonica without looking at it and start to play, it will be upside-down every time.

If you put all your boxer shorts in the washing machine, every single pair will emerge at the end of the wash inside-out.

If you plan to have a barbecue on a nice summer's evening in Cornwall, it will cloud over the minute you put the burgers on.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 07:43 AM

I first learned to play the gob iron upside down! It was years later I discovered my error and had to spend ages relearning :-( Luckily I only knew about 4 tunes :-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Backwoodsman
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 07:58 AM

If you wash your duvet-cover without fastening the press-studs/buttons, it will come out of the washing machine with the rest of your bedding inside it.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Mr Red
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:12 AM

sock divorce. Some pairs just separate permanently.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:13 AM

Once you are over the age of 65, it is not possible to buy more than five items at a supermarket self-service checkout without having to call for the assistant.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:14 AM

If you decide to peg out on the washing line a beautiful load of snow-white laundry, an army of seagulls will immediately appear and crap all over it.
If Andy the window cleaner has just been, an army of seagulls will appear and crap all over the windows.

If one has just washed the car..... etc etc


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:17 AM

"If you decide to peg out on the washing line..."

Strikes me as being a rather odd location at which to shuffle off this mortal coil...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:37 AM

Heh heh Steve. I expect if I did decide to peg out on the washing line, the blasted seagulls would crap all over me too.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:24 AM

If you change your duvet cover, it wii have a cat inside it, weather you have one or not.

Similarly if you puke when you are drunk, it will contain diced carrots, even if you never ate them in your life.

Dave H


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:42 AM

The bus in front of you wants to travel at 15MPH while the white van behind you wants to do 50.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Raedwulf
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:07 AM

Everything is always in the last place you look for it.*














* Technically, this is because you then stop looking because you found it, but you know what I mean!!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:23 AM

hi

If i drop my marmalade toast on the carpet it always lands marmalade side down.

Mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:37 AM

If that is true, Mike, and it is also true that a cat always lands on its feet, we can create a perpetual motion machine by strapping a piece of marmalade toast to a cat's back and then throwing the cat out of the window:-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: leeneia
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:50 AM

Brilliant, Dave!

There is a class of objects called Perverse Objects, which do not obey the laws of physics. Scissors, for example. If you are sewing a garment, scissors will slither into a hidden place while you are sewing. If you are knitting, scissors will tunnel deep into the couch or between two magazines.

Contact lenses are clearly perverse objects. How else could an almost-weightless object, dropped, not thrown, get 8 feet away and under a plumbing fixture? How else could it disappear in a human eyeball with a surface area of 2.5 square inches?

There are other perverse objects, but I can't think of them right now.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 10:55 AM

Hand-dryers in men's toilets are designed so as to blast droplets of incriminating-looking water down the front of your trousers. Except for those Dyson ones, which have a little trough of slime at the bottom containing at least one pubic hair and one bogey. Touch any part of that Dyson accidentally with your hand and you automatically die of a horrible infection, and always only breathe out when you're anywhere near one that's blowing. Hope this helps.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 11:20 AM

If I select the shortest supermarket checkout queue, I will automatically find myself behind one of the following :

(A) an irritated customer who cannot accept that their bloody vouchers are out of date;

(B) a customer who tries it on with several expired or maxed-out cards;

(C) a little old lady who, when she eventually locates her purse in one of her several bags, then pays the £37.62 bill in two pence pieces that the cashier has to count out for her. Twice.


Still, there's the compensation of extra people-watching time. Mostly the people in the much longer queues either side of you who get out of the shop ten minutes before you do.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 12:36 PM

However many doors and windows are open, the cat will always demand you let it in or out through a closed one.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Jos
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 12:43 PM

My cat used to ask to be let out of the back door, see that it was raining in the back garden, and instead of going out, would ask to be let out of the front door in the hope it wouldn't be raining at the front. (He wasn't very bright.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 12:43 PM

If one needs the loo during the night, one will be...er...fully installed before one notices the gigantic SPIDER on the wall beside the lavatory.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 01:14 PM

What ever the long lost valuable item is, it will only be found after buying a new one.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 01:45 PM

Ah, and if you decide to throw something away or donate it to charity, a few weeks later you'll realise you need it urgently.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: DMcG
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 01:48 PM

I don't see why you restrict it to valuable items. I don't think I have been able to find a ruler in the house for years, however many I buy.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Raedwulf
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 01:49 PM

If you'd just got married instead, D, you'd always have a ruler close by! ;-)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 02:14 PM

Hi Dave

Hey you've got something there. We better patent it or others will pinch our important project.

Cheers

Mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 02:20 PM

Hi Sen

" If one needs the loo during the night, one will be...er...fully installed before one notices the gigantic SPIDER on the wall beside the lavatory. "

I know things a getting difficult but I didn't realise that you were sleeping in the street.

Regards

Mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 02:29 PM

Hi DMG

I havw plenty of rulers around the house due to not being able to find one when I needed it.

My wife is a crossword addict. She can never find pens when she wants one, despite there being dozens of them around the house. Where she puts the God only knows.

I have a couple on my desk but there are never any when I need them. I think she has set up a secret pen shop. She will soon be a millionaire.

Cheers

Mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Jos
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 02:33 PM

For years I could never find the scissors. Then the children left home, and miraculously, since then the scissors have been where I left them.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 03:26 PM

Talking of air hand driers (several posts up), why do people nearly always install them so low on the wall. I always have to bend down to get my hands under them (I am 6 foot tall).
Is it so that the top of the hand drier will be cleared of dust by the user's beard?

Robin


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 06:55 PM

Here's another law of nature. In some lavatoria the hand-dryers are calibrated to be deliberately capricious. It can be a real initiative test to find the exact positioning of the hands that will activate the thing, and the slightest wrong move will result in its immediate inactivation. In severe cases you have to waft your hands to and fro underneath the bloody thing like a lunatic to get it to come on at all. In extremis, you emerge from the little boys' room with two wet patches around your trouser pockets, having discerned that the "trouser-wipe manoeuvre" is the only means of emerging anything like dry-handed. Isn't life a ball.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:26 PM

hmm

If you have been to Paris recently Steve you may have noticed the open sidewalk urinals for men all over town. It beats the NYC subway solution. btw the colour of the sidewalk urinals is Trump orange that displays prominently even in the rain.


My lost phone solution/invention does not work if your phone went in the garbage and has already been collected or if you live near the dump which is already a hot spot.

I thought of a plan B solution for Trump to avoid criminal prosecution:
Declare himself a foreign agent.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM

I've seen the pics of those open-air urinals. I wouldn't hesitate to use them myself. After all, the "tackle" would still be discreetly sheltered from view, if not the act itself. The best thing about them is the little sign above each one that displays a lovely stick-man pelvic thrust. I thought only little boys peed like that.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: leeneia
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:10 PM

"Where she puts them God only knows." Don't blame your wife for the missing pens, Mikel2. Pens are perverse objects. See above.

Presumably you don't carry a purse. If you had ever tried to find a pen that you knew was in your purse, you would know what I mean.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:20 PM

If three ten-pound notes are placed on the shelf in the kitchen last thing at night, in readiness for tomorrow's shopping, by next morning there will be only two. My enquiries usually conclude that Mrs Steve is almost probably not quite the likely culprit...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Joe_F
Date: 15 Aug 18 - 09:59 PM

Before you do anything, you have to do something else, usually piss.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: BobL
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 02:15 AM

Mathematical theory (I can't remember which one, it's over 50 years since I was at Uni) state that a closed system has an equal number of sources and sinks. This is certainly true of pens in an office: for every individual like me who can never find one, there is an opposite whose desk drawer is full of them.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 02:45 AM

If you decide to avoid the queues at the checkout in the supermarket by using the self-service one, the disembodied voice will inevitably pipe up that there's an unidentified item in the bagging area, and you'll need to press 'help'.
You can then be sure that an assistant will take about ten minutes to materialise, while the queues for the proper checkouts diminish rapidly as you stand there like a lemon.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 05:57 AM

A law of nature deriving from these checkout complaints is that even the most modern technology is utterly thick. I mean, just because the bar code on my bag of carrots is a bit scrunched up, I have to wait for a supervisor (if one can be located at all) to authorise the sale, often by going the half-mile back to the veg dept to get a bag that'll scan. I can't just say to the cashier "they're 85p, those," can I? Not allowed! The system can't cope with it!* And while I'm at it, why does a 67-year-old buying a bottle of wine at a self-service checkout have to wait for a supervisor to confirm that I'm over 18? Put a rudimentary camera in the bloody thing!

*Although there's one wizened old cynic at a supermarket near me who, after repeated failed efforts to scan something, hands it to me and says "Here, just put it in your bloody bag..." No names, no pack drill!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 06:08 AM

Ha, I'm glad I'm not the only one Steve.
My husband adores using the self-checkout. He thinks it's so modern and clever. He talks to the Lady! (Have to say, he's much better at technology than I, but then I'm a complete nitwit)

Another law of nature about supermarkets is the Snuggling-Up Parker.
You park nicely in the middle of a space, then when you emerge, it's certain that some fool has parked right beside your car, so that the door will open only by about five centimetres.
If you've got just one Snuggler on the passenger side, it can be surmounted. But on the driver's side?
My poor husband has had to get in on the left, clamber over the transmission tunnel and finally arrive behind the wheel.

Tempted to key their car or let their tyres down, but there are surveillance cameras...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 08:49 AM

BobL - the corollary to the drawer with or without pens is that Pens Migrate. One day I realize that they have moved from all around the house and office and are all in the bottom of my everyday backpack. I fish them out and spread them around the kitchen, the office, the bedroom, and months later I'll find them all back in the bottom of the backpack.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 08:59 AM

Just google "People who know how to f***ing park on brink of extinction" and you can revel in sheer sweary frustration at people who can't put their cars in the middle of spaces. I love the Daily Mash and this is one of their best!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 09:29 AM

hi

My good lady and I won't use the self check- outs. Although I spent several years working in electronics and computing I now find all electronics an anathema.
Don't know why. My missus doesn't understand "modern contraptions"
So we always use the "human" checkouts. We have no problems and so prefer to do this.

One thing does bug us in that My wife, all 4'11" of her, finds many of the items she wants are on the top shelf. As I don't often accompany her she often has to ask any taller person to help her. They always do.

In the winter we were both laid up with flu so we decided to use the On Line order system. At first we struggled to navigate the web site easily but managed to complete a large order. We use Tesco because it is convenient for us.

The order was delivered right on time and the driver carried it all in and helped to put it away with us.

Since then we have ordered on line regularly. The service has all been fantastic now we have got used to the system.

No problem with parking and stupid beggers who block you in etc.etc.

And we tend to spend less!!

Cheers

Mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: leeneia
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 12:10 PM

Hi, Mikel2. What a nice thing to happen!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 12:39 PM

We have once or twice ordered a Tesco shop online, and it was successful. But I like to natter (who knew?) and we now look on many of the checkout people almost as friends. So for many reasons the automatic thing is a no-no.

There are loads of Laws of Nature applicable to having cats:-

Trying a new type of (cheaper) cat food will be met with utter revulsion and disgust.
And one will have bought a whole box of the stuff.

Wearing a fairly smart pair of black trousers for going 'up the city', a cat will inevitably caress my legs affectionately and the trousers become mohair ones.

A pair of seemingly dim moggies will suddenly become adept and cunning when one goes out leaving some roasted beef defrosting on the counter top covered with a huge heavy plate. The cats will turn into Morgan the Mighty and the plate will be found on the floor and the meat gnawed.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: DMcG
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 12:48 PM

when one goes out leaving some roasted beef defrosting

If your cats are exceptionally well behaved and moral, they will restrict themselves to your meat in your house.

Most are not.

But one way of chatting with the neighbours, I suppose.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 01:53 PM

They don't go outside though DMcG, we shut the cat-flap most of the time. This was/is our own meat, ready-cooked and frozen, which we defrost while we're out. Silly of us really, we should have put it safely in the cold oven to defrost (which they haven't yet learned to open)
And the little blighters are very well-fed. It's not as if they're starving hungry.

I was looking up on Google the difference between Sod's Law and Murphy's Law. Apparently they are different. Didn't know that!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: DMcG
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 02:12 PM

Ours pinched a neighbour's Christmas turkey on one occasion. All of it. Dragged it home ...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 02:25 PM

Hahahahaaaa! I once had a cat (called Simon) who pinched things off the nieghbours' clothes lines. He once arrived through the cat flap with a very pretty lacy bra. Sadly it wasn't my size.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 02:36 PM

That should say neighbours'. I've given myself detention for bad spelling.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 02:49 PM

Hi Sen

" e have once or twice ordered a Tesco shop online, and it was successful. But I like to natter (who knew?)"

I know what you mean. We know all the regular staff well.   we have monthly orders. But we pop over to Tesco for anything that we need

Eg perish able, fruit etc. The staff are so helpful, some of them we have known for years. The only thing I criticise them for is they have not been able to sell us winning Lottery tickets which we ......well my wife buys each time we go in.

Regards

Mike

ps just heard from Healthier You. The delay has been that the Company that does it ( for the NHS) has changed. The new Company has contacted me to say that I have a placement and will be contacted shortly.

Trouble is we are going away for about a month or so.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Raedwulf
Date: 16 Aug 18 - 07:05 PM

Although I spent several years working in electronics and computing I now find all electronics an anathema.

A Natural Law of IT - IT staff are 50% geeks, 50% technophobes. Half of them are there because they luuuuurve tech! And the other half hate technology cos they have to work with the blasted stuff to make a living...

I was always a technophobe, I might add.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 03:20 AM

We discovered this as schoolboys,

The heat of the beat, plus the throb of the knob, equals the angle of the dangle.

Dave H


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: BobL
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 04:31 AM

Shouldn't the surge of the urge be in there somewhere?

IT staff are 50% geeks, 50% technophobes
Sums me up nicely. The geek side of me enjoyed getting machines to do what I wanted them to - and the fact that this was something useful, and hence that I got paid for it, was a bonus. However as time went on I found myself increasingly reluctant to immerse myself in new technology, such as networking (although I was fine once I'd got into it). Saw myself as a high-tech Luddite. Retirement came just at the right time.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 07:02 AM

Quite right BobL, my memory is fai..... ah fuck it.

Dave H


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 02:01 PM

Not exactly a "newly-discovered" anything, Dave. :-/


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 02:20 PM

You need only to silently change one word in a 100 year old law to suppress 20% of registered voters.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 02:41 PM

Hi Bobl

You have almost described to Tee. On retirement I was glad to get out of the crap. Afraid as I get even older I am getting worse. I have a smart phone but never useit !!!!

What next ??

Cheers

MikeL


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 17 Aug 18 - 04:15 PM

I have a rain gauge in my garden. For 25 years I have emptied it at midnight and recorded the day's rainfall in an exercise book. On a very few occasions I've wanted an early night so have emptied it a bit early, say at 11pm. Naturally, I can do this only if it is not raining at the time and as long as there's no prospect of rain until after midnight.

The law of nature here is that it WILL rain heavily at about ten to twelve if I've taken the reading at 11. That is guaranteed.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: BobL
Date: 18 Aug 18 - 02:53 AM

In summer do you check it at 1am?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Aug 18 - 06:24 AM

I've often thought that I should but no, I don't. Actually, rainfall is routinely measured at 0900 UTC (GMT) in the UK at official weather stations, so I'm out of line there as well. I only have a cheapie plastic rain gauge though I can keep it well clear of the house and trees. It's all very non-standard. I'm interested in rainfall events (how much rain falls in a single downpour) so I often check it through the day, after a heavy shower or thunderstorm for example. I'm only doing it for fun and out of habit but it's always gratifying to see that my monthly measurements closely align with Bude's official weather station three miles away. Local showers can mess that up, of course. Three days ago we nearly got drowned in a sudden five-minute deluge in Bude, but, at home, not a drop! Very occasionally, heavy rain in the first nine hours on the first of the month or on the first nine hours* on the first of the following month can skew the comparative figures as well as I record it in the "wrong" month. (*Or ten. Phew!)

So far, my numero uno downpour was on the day of the Boscastle flood, fourteen years ago this week. I measured exactly 50mm of rain, just shy of two inches, in a shade under an hour. A few miles up the road at Otterham Station, in the catchments of the three rivers that converge on Boscastle, 200.4mm, almost 8 inches, fell that day, most of it in a couple of hours in the afternoon, resulting in the Boscastle event.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 18 Aug 18 - 09:22 AM

Hi Steve

I have a " Heath Robinson " rain-guage that I concocted out of out of use guttering and down spouts and a water butt.

Obviously it is not very accurate but I am not bothered about it being
accurate. I just check if it has rained or not.

I use the water on the garden. It has been of no use this last few months....had no rain to speak of.

Cheers

Mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: leeneia
Date: 18 Aug 18 - 12:41 PM

We were identifying perverse objects a few posts back - scissors, pens, rulers. I mentioned contact lenses. Today my husband lost a lens while reading the paper.

Not on the floor, not in his shirt. He finally found it UNDER A COUCH CUSHION. Explain that, Newton and Einstein!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Jos
Date: 18 Aug 18 - 01:22 PM

Not for the first time, there was a news report in the last few days of someone finding a lost gold ring round a carrot. Was this recycled news, or is there something perverse about either gold rings or carrots, or both?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: leeneia
Date: 19 Aug 18 - 07:14 PM

Both. They are both round.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 02:05 PM

There are many things that do not follow rules we try to impose upon them.
There are Anomalous magnetic dipole moments, virtual particles, quantum foam but polymorphous perversity as a psychoanalytic idea that is one heck of a perversity.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Thompson
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 04:02 PM

The more you own of anything (eg glasses, pens), the less likely it is that you'll find one when you're looking for it.

If you buy eight packets of needles, within a month you will have no visible needles, but your wardrobe will be full of wire coat hangers.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Aug 18 - 08:46 PM

Donuel: Not to mention irrational numbers, improper Lorentz transformations, and degenerate perturbation theory.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 03:06 AM

Speaking of coat hangers Thompson, I'm sure ours elope together during the night. We never seem to have enough and I can't understand it. I'm fairly well-organised and put half a dozen empty hangers on the end of the rail, but when I need one I notice they've all disappeared.

Same with teaspoons. Where the blazes do they go? We always check the bottom of the dishwasher in case they've fallen out of the cutlery box, but no.

I reckon we have a teaspoon-and- coat-hanger poltergeist in the house, or perhaps we're sited over some Black Hole that sucks things into another dimension.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: BobL
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 03:24 AM

If you lie to the computer, it will get its revenge


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 05:00 AM

When you are suddenly inspired to try a new recipe, you will discover that you are one vital ingredient short and that the shops have just closed.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 12:11 PM

Exceptions to the rule open different doors to enlightenment.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 12:43 PM

Speaking of cooking Steve, have you been watching Nadiya Hussein's programme 'Family Favourites' on BBC 2? I'm really enchanted, both with her and her lovely recipes. Healthy food, looks delicious and very do-able.
(Law of Nature: Eliza can be relied upon to derail any thread.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: leeneia
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 01:04 PM

I don't want to sound condescending, but I think most of us were aware that coat hangers multiply in the warm darkness of a closet. Senoufou, your disappearing coat hangers are a new development. Perhaps your coat hangers are migrating to my closets.

Something similar occurred at my church. I had hidden a cheap tambourine under a pew cushion in the music area, and the next Sunday, there were TWO cheap tambourines there - the original large one and a small, immature one right inside it. Both still under the warm, dark pew cushion.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 01:42 PM

Apparently, if you leave a banjo on the back seat of your unlocked car overnight, in full view with all the windows down, in the morning there will be two banjos on your back seat.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 02:10 PM

Hi

When we wweree kids we used to play a game that entailed not treading on cracks in the pavement. If you trod on one you were out of the game.. these days if you tread on a crack you are entitled to lots of money in compensation.

mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: MikeL2
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 02:23 PM

hi

I can control the weather !! Ever time I wash my car it rains,

My wife has the same effect when she sings.

Mike


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Jos
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 02:49 PM

Eliza, it's not just her recipes that I like - I love the way her Muslim headscarf has morphed into a turban reminiscent of a 1950s Italian film star. All she needs is the sunglasses.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 03:44 PM

Hahaha leeneia, if our coat hangers are finding their way into your wardrobes, could you please send them back when you're finished with them? Do you by any chance have our teaspoons as well?

Jos, I do like her outfits, and the turbans are quite practical for cooking and yes, very reminiscent of film stars of an earlier age! I like her programmes, they remind me of Delia Smith (another 'simple yet wholesome recipes' lady)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 05:19 PM

Any circular cycle ride, starting from and ending at the same spot, will have three times as much uphill as downhill.


(Thanks to the late, great John Seymour for that)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 21 Aug 18 - 08:11 PM

In the great American Witchhunt they caught, prosecuted and jailed 5 witches with smoking brooms in their bare hands.

Trump is now officially an unindicted co-conspirator


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: BobL
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 02:58 AM

I can control the weather !! Ever time I wash my car it rains

No Mike, Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Mr Red
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 04:36 AM

Murphy's in-laws

Don't even ask............


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Jos
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 04:39 AM

If you are at home waiting for someone to arrive in order to go out together, and they are late, put the kettle on and they will arrive just as you are about to have a cup of tea or coffee.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 05:36 AM

Whenever I'm watching a Liverpool match on my phone or iPad, no matter what time of day, my mum will ring me.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Senoufou
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 05:41 AM

Hahaha Mr Red! Murphy's Law in our house means that if we buy a ready-roasted half-chicken at Asda for Murphy, he'll glare at us and it, turn his back and refuse to entertain it.

However, if we leave some cooked chicken on the counter top for our tea and the plate over it isn't firmly placed, Murphy will be in like Flynn and have the lot on the kitchen floor, leaving us just a few bones.
He's a Sod.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 06:57 AM

With all the record rain and flash floods HERE , I am going to Hawaii next month for npthing but SUNSHINE ;^/


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 07:33 AM

My brother just spent a few days in Honolulu and he doesn't recommend it...


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: Newly-discovered laws of nature
From: Donuel
Date: 22 Aug 18 - 12:19 PM

Woo Hoo our flight got bumped up to tonight!
Finally I will avoid the August September Carribean blues.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 10 December 5:44 PM EST

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.