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BS: On my gravestone

olddude 18 Apr 18 - 01:34 PM
olddude 18 Apr 18 - 01:47 PM
beardedbruce 18 Apr 18 - 01:51 PM
keberoxu 18 Apr 18 - 01:55 PM
olddude 18 Apr 18 - 01:59 PM
Dave the Gnome 18 Apr 18 - 02:00 PM
Peter the Squeezer 18 Apr 18 - 02:19 PM
Peter the Squeezer 18 Apr 18 - 02:21 PM
olddude 18 Apr 18 - 02:22 PM
gnu 18 Apr 18 - 03:02 PM
Mr Red 18 Apr 18 - 03:04 PM
gnu 18 Apr 18 - 03:13 PM
olddude 18 Apr 18 - 03:35 PM
Dave the Gnome 18 Apr 18 - 03:46 PM
DMcG 18 Apr 18 - 05:59 PM
Steve Shaw 18 Apr 18 - 06:08 PM
BobL 19 Apr 18 - 03:46 AM
Paul Burke 19 Apr 18 - 05:57 AM
Georgiansilver 19 Apr 18 - 06:43 AM
Nigel Parsons 19 Apr 18 - 07:00 AM
Nigel Parsons 19 Apr 18 - 07:11 AM
Jos 19 Apr 18 - 08:11 AM
Jim Carroll 19 Apr 18 - 08:21 AM
Dave Hanson 19 Apr 18 - 08:28 AM
Rob Naylor 19 Apr 18 - 08:41 AM
Senoufou 19 Apr 18 - 08:50 AM
gillymor 19 Apr 18 - 09:26 AM
Donuel 19 Apr 18 - 09:35 AM
Mr Red 20 Apr 18 - 02:25 AM
BobL 20 Apr 18 - 02:54 AM
Senoufou 20 Apr 18 - 03:44 AM
Nigel Parsons 20 Apr 18 - 06:33 AM
Senoufou 20 Apr 18 - 06:52 AM
Rapparee 20 Apr 18 - 04:17 PM
Dave the Gnome 20 Apr 18 - 04:27 PM
olddude 20 Apr 18 - 08:26 PM
olddude 20 Apr 18 - 09:35 PM
punkfolkrocker 20 Apr 18 - 10:34 PM
olddude 20 Apr 18 - 10:52 PM
JennieG 21 Apr 18 - 02:39 AM
Dave the Gnome 21 Apr 18 - 03:30 AM
Rusty Dobro 22 Apr 18 - 02:39 AM
Jim Carroll 22 Apr 18 - 05:44 AM
Jim Carroll 22 Apr 18 - 06:27 AM
Rusty Dobro 22 Apr 18 - 08:58 AM
Mooh 22 Apr 18 - 10:21 AM
olddude 22 Apr 18 - 09:42 PM
olddude 22 Apr 18 - 09:44 PM
Senoufou 23 Apr 18 - 03:36 AM
Jos 23 Apr 18 - 12:48 PM
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Subject: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:34 PM

I want written...finally no taxes



Ugh I hate tax season feel like I am paying Stormy Daniels but only getting jack Daniels in a bottle


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:47 PM

However our idiot governor will probably figure out a way to tax dead people some how


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: beardedbruce
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:51 PM

Hey, olddude, the dead get to vote ( for Democrats, it seems), so why shouldn't they pay taxes?


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:55 PM

One retired health practitioner of my acquaintance,
conversant with folk remedies and holistic medicine,
says their epitaph ought to be:

Here lies Dr. **** in spite of castor oil


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 01:59 PM

I also want i told you I was sick


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:00 PM

"I told you I was ill!"


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:19 PM


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:21 PM

Sorry - hit the button too early

Olddude - Spike Milligan beat you to it, but it had to be written in Irish Gaelic.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/southern_counties/3742443.stm


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 02:22 PM

Great minds think alike lol


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: gnu
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:02 PM

"He devoted his death to medical science."... assuming Dalhousie Medical School will accept my corpse. They have high entrance standards and, then, there is the fire code to consider. Hazardous waste, eh? >;-)

It's a good deal. They pay everything! The round trip (maximum three years), the cremation of whatever they don't throw on the barbie, the urn... it's a hell of a deal. Plus, you get to designate who gets the urn so you can get you shipped to a jurisdiction that doesn't require a burial. That way, whoever gets the ashes can dump them in the toilet and sell the urn for at least enough to buy a bottle of the pure. Win-win-win I'd say.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Mr Red
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:04 PM

I think we can be sure the Twitler got to Jack Daniels............


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: gnu
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:13 PM

Yeah, I know.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:35 PM

Burn me up put me into a coffee can. I like coffee and well one last smoke


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 03:46 PM

Please don't bury me in the cold, cold ground
I'd rather have them cut me up and pass me all around
You can blow my brain in a hurricane
The blind can have my eyes
The rest can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size

There y'are. Music thread now courtesy of Mr I find :-)

DtG


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: DMcG
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 05:59 PM

"An epitaph is a pretty poor way of remembering me.'


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 18 Apr 18 - 06:08 PM

Spike was 100 yesterday, so how appropriate that we remember his epitaph! It was inscribed in Gaelic though, I believe, thus: "Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite."


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: BobL
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 03:46 AM

I've arranged for my body to be offered for medical research - no worries about not being really dead if I get dissected. However they might not be able to use it - e.g. if I get mangled, have bits missing or die of something horribly contagious, or if they simply have enough bodies already - so a normal funeral may have to be arranged. In which case I don't mind what happens to my remains, I shan't be there.

A Biblical quote which keeps coming to mind as my possible epitaph, with a slightly different meaning when out of its original context, is from Ecclesiastes ch.3 v.4 "A time to mourn, and a time to dance".


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Paul Burke
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 05:57 AM

He didn't realise it's never too late until it was too late.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 06:43 AM

Would have been better if you remembered me whilst I was still alive!!


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 07:00 AM

Veni Vidi Bibi


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 07:11 AM

"When I am dead and I'm in my grave
No costly tombstone do I crave
Just lay me down in my native peat
With a jug of punch at my head and feet"


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Jos
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:11 AM

Bobl, you say:
"I've arranged for my body to be offered for medical research - no worries about not being really dead if I get dissected."

Personally, I'd be even more worried about getting dissected if I'm not really dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:21 AM

"I've arranged for my body to be offered for medical research "
Me too, which deprives me of the chance to echo an elderly native of Miltown Malbay who told his family
"Put me in my coffin face down so they can all come and kiss my arse"
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:28 AM

When I die, don't bury me at all,
Just lay me away in alcohol.


Dave H


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Rob Naylor
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:41 AM

"I was here on Earth for XX years and all I got was this lousy headstone"


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Senoufou
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 08:50 AM

'Don't mourn for me now
Don't mourn for me never.
I've gone to eat crumpets
for ever and ever.'


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: gillymor
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 09:26 AM

"Pardon me if I don't get up"

or, better yet-

"Enjoy yourself it's later than you think"
from one of my favorite songs.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Apr 18 - 09:35 AM

old dude - classic.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Mr Red
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 02:25 AM

I pprefer a tree planed above me......

So people can see - he is tree-mendous





I'll get my shroud......


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: BobL
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 02:54 AM

"Personally, I'd be even more worried about getting dissected if I'm not really dead. "

Ah, but you see, someone would be bound to notice.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 03:44 AM

"Here lies Eliza.
They tried to surprise her
With a very large spider
Which they set down beside her.
She jumped up and fled.
And now she's dead."


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 06:33 AM

"Here lies Eliza.
They tried to surprise her
With a very large spider
Which they set down beside her.
She jumped up and died.
And how Mudcat cried."


Cheers
Nigel


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Senoufou
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 06:52 AM

Hahahahaaaaa Nigel! How very kind of you. :)

Actually there was one in our bedroom yesterday evening, enormous blooming thing. Husband put it outside, and I managed not to die of fright. As I recently renewed my life insurance, I wonder if it was he who put it there in the first place???


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 04:17 PM

Legally hanged.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 04:27 PM

Well hung?

:D tG


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 08:26 PM

Fishing for angels


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 09:35 PM

Death by chocolate


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: punkfolkrocker
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 10:34 PM

It seems some of us are in similar mind on this subject...

My headstone...???

"Why did you waste good money on this nonsense.
You know how much I despise parasitic funeral service businesses.
I told you I wanted a cheap cremation,
or better still donating my body to any medical science
that would take it off your hands for nothing.
Or ideally even pay you a few quid for it...!!!
"


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 20 Apr 18 - 10:52 PM

Exactly I want the money spent on a party and dump my ashes


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: JennieG
Date: 21 Apr 18 - 02:39 AM

As do I, Dan!

However I would like the assembled multitudes......all right, perhaps two or three.....to burst into song with "So long, it's been good to know you".

Seems a fitting last song, to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 21 Apr 18 - 03:30 AM

My uncle Dennis had the theme to 'The Great Escape' played at his funeral :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 22 Apr 18 - 02:39 AM

I'm guessing that this one, (from the Charnel House at Bury St Edmunds) caused some thoughtful discussion at the time:


Here lies interred the Body of

MARY HASELTON

A Young Maiden of this Town

Born of Roman Catholic Parents

And Virtuously brought up

Who being in the Act of Prayer

Repeating her Vespers

Was instantaneously killed by a flash

Of lightning August the 16 1785

Aged 9 years


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 22 Apr 18 - 05:44 AM

How about S*** - didn't see that coming
Jim Caaarroll


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 22 Apr 18 - 06:27 AM

Must dig out my copy of "Grave Humour" - full of classics
Jim


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 22 Apr 18 - 08:58 AM

And another from Bury St Edmunds churchyard:

Reader

Pause at this Humble Stone

a Record

The fall of unguarded Youth

By the allurements of vice

and the treacherous snares

of Seduction

SARAH LLOYD

on the 23d of April 1800

in the 22d Year of her Age

Suffered a Just but ignominous

Death

for admitting her abandoned seducer

into the Dwelling House of her Minstrefs

in the Night of 3rd Oct

1799

and becoming the Instrument

in his Hands of the crimes

of Robbery and Houseburning

These were her last Words

May my example be a

warning to Thousands.

(Personally, I've always quite enjoyed the treacherous snares of seduction.)


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Mooh
Date: 22 Apr 18 - 10:21 AM

No grave, thank you very much. Just spread my ashes in the woods, or in the lake. Or leave my corpse to rot in the woods.

I will accept a monument though, Parliament Hill would be a nice place for it. On it, let it be written, "You too, Mooh?"

That is all.


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 22 Apr 18 - 09:42 PM

My favorite fishing hole is a good place for me


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: olddude
Date: 22 Apr 18 - 09:44 PM

Wasn’t it wc fields that wrote rather be here than in Philadelphia


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Senoufou
Date: 23 Apr 18 - 03:36 AM

There's a new burial place which they've opened not that far from us called 'Bluebell Wood', where they have a system of burying folk in cardboard caskets and tree saplings are planted. Very natural and there's an ancient ruined church on the site, so the ground is consecrated. They've put up a sort of wooden circular hut for mourners. There are no gravestones or monuments of any sort, so it just looks like...well... a bluebell wood.
In UK a burial must be recorded as to its position, so presumably they keep a record of who lies where. I'd like to be plonked there.

I love Billy Connelly's monologue where he describes a cemetery in Glasgow for all Christians. But they've built an underground wall between the Catholics and the Protestants. He was really convulsed at the idea of the corpses of different persuasions trying to get at each other under the ground!


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Subject: RE: BS: On my gravestone
From: Jos
Date: 23 Apr 18 - 12:48 PM

Sounds perfect - the bluebell wood, not the segregated cemetery.
I've already specified in my will that I would prefer a woodland burial, and DEFINITELY a cardboard box, don't waste good wood on a flashy coffin.


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