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BS: Chick/dude magnets

Liz the Squeak 28 Nov 99 - 03:07 AM
WyoWoman 28 Nov 99 - 02:07 AM
DonMeixner 28 Nov 99 - 01:33 AM
WyoWoman 28 Nov 99 - 01:20 AM
Michael K. 27 Nov 99 - 11:36 PM
WyoWoman 27 Nov 99 - 09:55 PM
Bill D 27 Nov 99 - 09:49 PM
Liz the Squeak 27 Nov 99 - 03:41 PM
WyoWoman 27 Nov 99 - 01:29 PM
catspaw49 27 Nov 99 - 10:43 AM
catspaw49 27 Nov 99 - 10:26 AM
Caitrin 27 Nov 99 - 10:24 AM
DonMeixner 27 Nov 99 - 08:39 AM
catspaw49 27 Nov 99 - 08:23 AM
Liz the Squeak 27 Nov 99 - 04:32 AM
WyoWoman 27 Nov 99 - 12:36 AM
catspaw49 27 Nov 99 - 12:29 AM
WyoWoman 26 Nov 99 - 11:49 PM
catspaw49 26 Nov 99 - 11:49 PM
Liz the Squeak 26 Nov 99 - 11:46 PM
DonMeixner 26 Nov 99 - 11:44 PM
Liz the Squeak 26 Nov 99 - 11:42 PM
catspaw49 26 Nov 99 - 11:28 PM
WyoWoman 26 Nov 99 - 11:02 PM
Jeri 26 Nov 99 - 11:02 PM
Liz the Squeak 26 Nov 99 - 10:55 PM
Liz the Squeak 26 Nov 99 - 10:54 PM
WyoWoman 26 Nov 99 - 02:49 PM
WyoWoman 26 Nov 99 - 02:49 PM
Michael K. 26 Nov 99 - 11:49 AM
Steve Latimer 26 Nov 99 - 11:35 AM
Liz the Squeak 26 Nov 99 - 11:24 AM
harpgirl 26 Nov 99 - 09:19 AM
Steve Parkes 26 Nov 99 - 07:53 AM
Liz the Squeak 26 Nov 99 - 05:54 AM
Steve Parkes 26 Nov 99 - 03:29 AM
Barry Finn 26 Nov 99 - 12:15 AM
catspaw49 26 Nov 99 - 12:00 AM
Jeri 25 Nov 99 - 11:56 PM
DonMeixner 25 Nov 99 - 11:47 PM
Little Neophyte 25 Nov 99 - 11:45 PM
Jeri 25 Nov 99 - 11:29 PM
DonMeixner 25 Nov 99 - 11:22 PM
Jeri 25 Nov 99 - 11:14 PM
WyoWoman 25 Nov 99 - 11:05 PM
Barry Finn 25 Nov 99 - 10:59 PM
sophocleese 25 Nov 99 - 10:56 PM
catspaw49 25 Nov 99 - 10:54 PM
WyoWoman 25 Nov 99 - 10:40 PM
anonNO1 25 Nov 99 - 10:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 28 Nov 99 - 03:07 AM

From the book "101 Punchlines we have known and loved"

'Great, but can I owe you the other 67?'

For full versions of this joke send $10 to Liz the Squeak East London home for the Terminally Bewildered... London Mars.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 28 Nov 99 - 02:07 AM

And if we ever doubt it, we have Catspaw to remind us of this truth.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: DonMeixner
Date: 28 Nov 99 - 01:33 AM

Bad taste is timeless.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 28 Nov 99 - 01:20 AM

If there are any Asian 'catters out there, we do humbly apologize for our brethren.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Michael K.
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 11:36 PM

....ahem.......speaking of tender, sensitive, dear men.......

(..drum roll.............................cymbal crash!)


A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin.


On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses.


He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring, I know dis you firs time and you flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting you want. What you want?"


"I wanna numma 69" she replies.


He looks at her very puzzled and says, "You wanna beef wit broccorri?"

(tah-dah-boom)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 09:55 PM

That doesn't sound very flattering to the poor female in question. Getting handed off in that way, and STANDING for it.

WW


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 09:49 PM

(reading this thread for the first time)...and remembering a very good female friend of mine who was walking with me at a festival when she was smitten by a performer with that 'something' that some women get all silly over...well, she made her moves....followed him around, etc..and came by next day to report that HE hadn't had time for her...but he'd offered her to ANOTHER performer...(both names you'd know!)...and she'd spent a long evening with #2.....well..*big grin*, turns out, he had refused to mess with her because he knew ME!...and had seen the lady with me, and thought she was with me!..I waited 20 years to tell her what had happened!


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 03:41 PM

Oh, you say the sweetest things....

I left my teens behind a long long long time ago, I have a television set that is half as old as I am, and that could legally vote and drink in the UK....

And I DON'T HAVE A HAIRY CHEST!!!

'Spaw, you're only in the boot because we don't want to frighten off any that we might catch, you know, those young, unsuspecting things that frighten easily..... Besides, age has never bothered me, I always went for the older man (more money, less inhibitions, very grateful.....!)

Don - who you callin' a lady???!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 01:29 PM

I may never be able to purge the image from my mind of me in my bubblewrap finest blown up large on Cletus' outhouse door. Try as I might ...

Well, this morning when I called my good friend, whom I'll call Cynthia, I was reminded of this whole chick magnet/what attracts women conversation. Cynthia is one of the other editors I work with and she is a brilliant, beautiful woman who has just turned 60. She's a wonderful writer, well-read, huge-hearted and nice to look at. The man she's been living with for four years now and is utterly devoted to is a truck driver whose dyslexia means that he can't read much more than highway signs, and he struggles with that. So he's not "literate," can't engage in swift repartee with her, doesn't share her interests. And yet, five minutes with the two of them together and there's absolutely no denying: she adores him. And vice versa.

What she says about him is simple, "He's the dearest man I've ever met." And he is. As kind as the day is long, generous and willing to go the extra mile for just about anyone. And although he isn't 'book-smart,' he's people smart and his insights are always dead on. He's warm of heart and body, and he fulfills her as no one ever has. Partly because she has been a beautiful woman, she's attracted some real sumbitches in her day. She feels as though her life has finally worked out because she has this dear, sweet man to come home to.

SO ... for women who really know what's what, kindness and commitment to the relationship trump all the flashy stuff any day. Any day.

WyoWoman, who's still hoping her kind-heart shows up...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 10:43 AM

Ah Caitrin, were I but 30 (or so) years younger........BTW, I'm really glad to have you at the 'Cat!!! You have a good head and make me think well of the future.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 10:26 AM

Yeah, you're right again Don. I can see where that year and half age difference would make you far more suitable. But you DO HEAR that creak on the stairs don't you?

And HEY!!! I do have clean bill of health.......Wait a minute...maybe I just have the bills...Yeah, that's it. But they are all nice and clean. I dust off the "unpaid" folder every week or so.

I'm thinking Squeaks is older since she has a hairy chest and all....had you considered that? And Pansy Rue Bob WW Twidgett, MB........well, I think Cleigh has a crush on her and maybe she has one on him. She DID send him a handmade, personalized, bubble-wrap cape which he's quite taken with. Then there is Cletus too. He ran 17 copies of WW's picture in the bubble wrap and has them stuck all over...the dashboard of his pick-up, next to his bed, on the door, etc....not to mention the one he had blown up and is now on the wall in his outhouse. Don't ask...I don't even want to think about it.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Caitrin
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 10:24 AM

Hey, I'm 17! Does that mean I'm older than Wyo and Liz? Cool!

I think the "nice guys finish last" thing gets started in high school. Girls my age are, for the most part, nasty little people who don't care about much other than looks and popularity. Because of the emotional scarring nice guys get from rejection at that age, they tend to become less likely to even try later. Of course, I have to say that nice girls tend to finish last, too. Guys are every bit as bad about having standards that no human female girl could ever live up to.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: DonMeixner
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 08:39 AM

Catspaw,

All this flirtatious and taugnting banter aside you are in serious trouble here. Its obvious from Wyo's picture that she is seriously too young for you and Liz sounds like she must be in her teens. A very mature teenager mind you but far to youthful for you, and you with your recent health issues. Could be a fatal adventure and perhaps worse, an illegal one owning to their ages.

Now I on the other hand and much more nearly the right age for these ladies and I would.......... Yike! gotta run, steps on the stairs.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 08:23 AM

I get the 'boot' to the 'boot?' Just great..........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 04:32 AM

Wyo - ELF - as previously suggested - Egotistical Little Fart. Perhaps we'd better get together and go cruising one night..... Grab ourselves a cool car, stuff 'Spaw in the back for later, roll down some beach road somewhere (but not Bridport, nothing ever happens in Bridport)and see what we can catch....

Knowing our luck (if your comment is anything to go by)we'll both catch colds, 'Spaw will be useless from being doubled up in the trunk, and we'll end up with a ticket!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 12:36 AM

Ok,ok.I REALLY have to go watch Spinal Tap, but I can't resist. What's the anonymous ELF? This sounds like a support group for very pesky little people...

Funny, Squeak. You and I just did the same variation on a theme...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Nov 99 - 12:29 AM

When you get these cross posting time things, the answers really get entertaining don't they? LMAO

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:49 PM

Well, I've always thought the latter was better, but these days, it's nice if he starts at all...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:49 PM

Aw gee, don't do that Squeaks........I might then find it necessary to refer to you as an "obnoxious asshole" too...and then where would we be?

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:46 PM

I'd be more than happy if the nice guy even started.....

Sorry, more information than needed to know there.... oops.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: DonMeixner
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:44 PM

Jeez Wyo,

For I years I've always been told it was the nice guy who finshed last. Or maybe its nice if the guy finishes last.

Or may be I'm confused.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:42 PM

I only have hair on my head, not on my chest! I don't have a moustache, I don't have (very) hairy legs and I certainly don't have any on the palms of my hands, not during a new moon anyway......

Admittedly, the hair on my head does go down to my bum, but it isn't quite Lady Godiva - it's too chuffing cold for that anyway!!

I'm starting to feel very put upon tonight, I may just go and join the anonymous ELF and sulk....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:28 PM

Aw geeziz WW, nice guys DON'T finish last? Well damn. Another excuse shot all to hell..........................

And Squeaks, if you have a hairy chest as Jeri suggested, you can forget the entire ass-blowing thing. Cleigh is clay. Smooth you know? Do you get many crumbs caught in the hair? Jeri could loan you some dragonflies maybe.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:02 PM

Yeah, talent is only a part of it. I mean, it makes watching and listening to more fun, but many a jerk has great talent and he's still a jerk. Life is much to short to fill it with jerks.

In my life, nice guys most definitely do not finish last.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Jeri
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:02 PM

Liz, if you have a hairy chest, you may very well keep singing solo.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 10:55 PM

Give me a nice ass, a hairy chest and a pleasant smile any day, I'll keep singing solo......

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 10:54 PM

Who needs to be able to spell it, so long as they can do it!

Talent is a two edged sword, I used to go out with this gorgeous guy, brown eyes, hairy chest, soft, mid west accent, played guitar like you wouldn't believe and sang the most beautiful songs, both self penned and others; but he had two addictions, one was to substance abuse (relatively mild, whiskey and vallium, - well it's mild compared with some) and the other: a girl who hung on his every word, followed his every move, applauded his every song, whether it deserved it or not, and basically mirrored his every action. He would get fed up with her every 8 months or so and go looking for another. The average relationship lasted about 8 weeks, or until the second girl decided she wasn't fond of being his shadow and watching him stone himself to death... Then he'd go back to the first one. He was extremely talented, and could have really got somewhere, if only he would break the two addictions. He knew he was talented, and made sure everyone else did as well. I ended up calling him Narcissus, and so the first girl of course became Echo, because that is all she did. Talent is a terrible thing, to see wasted because Echo wouldn't either leave the town with him, or just leave him. As far as I know, as of last year, they are still in the same pattern, she still hunts for him everywhere, and he is just hunting in bottles.

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 02:49 PM

Can't spell it either...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 02:49 PM

Yeah, but you can't beat a good embrouchure...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Michael K.
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:49 AM

People (in general) seem to be attracted to talent, which is one of the ultimate aphrodisiacs.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:35 AM

Hey 'Spaw, you're right, there's hope. I have "Tuba Embouchure" going for me.

Did I say I play the Five String? Different guy, I wouldn't know a forward roll from a square roll, but you ladies should see my Sousaphone.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 11:24 AM

Spaw, any time.... Just you keep developing that embouchure and I'll give my ass a quick polish.... but why the feather......?

Do you have a hairy chest as well?? shllluurrrrpppp!

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: harpgirl
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 09:19 AM

...ah,for me the most attractive men are those with an endless supply of tunes and songs to share with me...a gentlemen smarter than I am...harpgirl


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 07:53 AM

Well, if it's kinky poets you're after, look no further than Robert Southey. Did you know he wrote "Goldilocks and the three bears", too? I expect he was lying on his stomach or standing up at the mantelpiece when he wrote it.

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 05:54 AM

If it's poets and perversion you want - the late lamented Poet Laureate Sir John Betjamin was responsible for the two liner:

I rather think that I would like, To be the saddle on a ladies bike.

And when asked in an interview - is there anything you regret? answered 'Not enough sex!' He is of course, one of my favorite poets.....

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 03:29 AM

When I started to read this thread, for some reason it made me think of the late Sir Thomas Beecham's famous comment to a lady 'cellist ... but I'm far too well brought up to metion it here.

Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Barry Finn
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 12:15 AM

Hi Bonnie & Jeri, my wife is still breathing & I'm very pleased with that & I'll only ever leave her when she stops it. It's not at all a sad story she played a whistle (comes close to playing a banjo, almost) but she still sings like a bird once & awhile & she's as playfull as ever. I did know a few women though that found breathless squeezebox players the most attractive type of musician. Barry who once tried his hand on a concertina but quickly traded UP to a more free breathing skin tight bodhran.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 26 Nov 99 - 12:00 AM

So much material, so little time...........I'm going to bed. But Jeri, those were two of the funniest lines I've read in weeks!!!!!!!No, three..three of the funniest lines. LMAOWROTF

And Don, she's right....I'm so pathetic..not ashamed, just pathetic. I think its part of the Mudcatter's Manual, in the section called "Simple Ass Rules We're All Stuck With Because Catspaw Lives by Them" in paragraph 3 it states my annoying compulsion to take some innocuous line and turn it into a truly stupid joke of limited humor and then proceed to beat it into the ground ad infinitum, ad nauseum. Jeri's clams and hooters, Kat's Faeries, Peter T. and the Waylon Heron, and then there is ol WW as addressed below.

Pansy Rue Bob WW Twidgett, MB---Epitaphs and band names??? Geeziz, I'll bet you were a Grateful Dead fan huh?

G'Night all........

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 11:56 PM

Thanks, Don! (I was just kidding about the jealousy.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: DonMeixner
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 11:47 PM

Jeri,

Actually she is a very wise if only slightly jealous women who knows I must sell jewelry to survive. After the Christmas craziness I'll send you a catalog of sorts.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 11:45 PM

Barry, that's a very sad story
I hope you don't have to wait that long to find a lovely lady whose breath is gentle and kind.

Bonnie


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 11:29 PM

In some thread somewhere, I mentioned floating around in the water with dragonflies flitting about above. Catspaw jumped on it like a rock star on a supermodel.

I'd probably love your silver dragonflies, but you're now going to tell me your lady friend will be upset if you show your jewelry to other women. Humph...


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: DonMeixner
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 11:22 PM

Dragonflies? I've made some silver ones in the past, but jeezus Pat how would you know about... well... you know?

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Jeri
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 11:14 PM

...and she was feared by clams everywhere. I kind of feel like the pied fiddler of clams. Jeez, Spaw, when did the fiddle get into the act? And aren't you "rooting around" enough without getting your hands all over WW's medula oblongata? Sick, just sick.

Sophocleese, loved the description of the cartoon.

Barry, glad to hear you weren't formerly attracted to women who didn't breathe, although I didn't quite get the part about breathing whistles.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 11:05 PM

It's probably because I ate so much Thanksgiving dinner I feel as though I might croak ...

I NEVER intend to eat that much. But it was fun, with plenty of good company and good food.

Besides, Spaw, I'm always thinking of either band names or epitaphs. My favorite epitaph, and the one I do so hope my children will select for me, despite the fact that I intend to be cremated, is, "See? I *told* you I was sick..."

(this isn't thread creep, is it? I mean, don't dudes find discussions of epitaphs and cremation 'n' shit pretty attractive, or have I just been hanging out with the wrong dudes?)

Wyo Pansy Rue Woman, M.B.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: Barry Finn
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 10:59 PM

Before I got married, I was mainly attracted to woman that breathed, didn't matter much what & how they played. Then I married a woman that played penny whistle, since marring me she gave up the whistle but she still likes to play & which is just fine by me as long as she still breathes once & a while. Next life I'll get it on with a whistle that breathes & a bird that sings & when they stop they'll both still be playing till the lights blow out or the storm blows over or at the very least till I stop breathing. Barry


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: sophocleese
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 10:56 PM

On our fridge we have a 'Cornered' cartoon, culled from some paper or other, showing a man and woman in bed. The man is leaning over, away from the bed, and playing bagpipes. The woman is staring, annoyed, at him. The caption reads "From the No. 1 best seller, 'Women are from Venus, Men are from Scotland.'" It is attached to our fridge with a magnet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 10:54 PM

Well my, aren't we morbid tonight. An epitaph??? I'd like to root around in your brain for awhile Pansy to see where that one came from. LMAO!!!!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: WyoWoman
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 10:40 PM

"Dragonflies love her hooters..."

That sounds almost like an epitaph, doesn't it...

"...and dragonflies loved her hooters
And possums blew her ...

oh, nivver mind...

ww


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Subject: RE: BS: Chick/dude magnets
From: anonNO1
Date: 25 Nov 99 - 10:37 PM

My favorite tune now is an obscure piece called 'Dr Gilberts', it requires a strong vibrant string attack and discourages audience participation being slow almost bluesey, one of those tunes which if it had words would be a 'bitchin' song. Tear in ma beer and all that crap. Awe well..... Better to be alone and happy than in a crowd and lonely.


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