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BS: Never...

gnu 03 Sep 14 - 01:31 PM
Stilly River Sage 03 Sep 14 - 01:42 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 03 Sep 14 - 01:54 PM
GUEST,leeneia 03 Sep 14 - 02:01 PM
GUEST, topsie 03 Sep 14 - 02:24 PM
Bill D 03 Sep 14 - 02:40 PM
Phil Cooper 03 Sep 14 - 03:06 PM
Stilly River Sage 03 Sep 14 - 03:11 PM
Ed T 03 Sep 14 - 03:37 PM
gnu 03 Sep 14 - 03:43 PM
gnu 03 Sep 14 - 03:51 PM
Amos 03 Sep 14 - 03:57 PM
olddude 03 Sep 14 - 04:01 PM
Bert 03 Sep 14 - 04:04 PM
Musket 03 Sep 14 - 04:12 PM
GUEST, topsie 03 Sep 14 - 04:37 PM
GUEST,leeneia 03 Sep 14 - 04:38 PM
GUEST, topsie 03 Sep 14 - 04:53 PM
JennieG 03 Sep 14 - 06:22 PM
JennieG 03 Sep 14 - 06:24 PM
GUEST,# 03 Sep 14 - 06:27 PM
Charmion 03 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM
bobad 03 Sep 14 - 07:08 PM
michaelr 03 Sep 14 - 07:28 PM
Bill D 03 Sep 14 - 08:07 PM
GUEST,gillymor 03 Sep 14 - 08:52 PM
GUEST,gillymor 03 Sep 14 - 09:30 PM
Bert 03 Sep 14 - 10:54 PM
LadyJean 04 Sep 14 - 01:24 AM
GUEST, topsie 04 Sep 14 - 04:02 AM
GUEST,CrazyEddie 04 Sep 14 - 06:54 AM
Big Al Whittle 04 Sep 14 - 08:32 AM
Ed T 04 Sep 14 - 08:37 AM
Charmion 04 Sep 14 - 10:47 AM
Musket 04 Sep 14 - 01:15 PM
GUEST,Rahere 04 Sep 14 - 05:34 PM
Mrrzy 04 Sep 14 - 06:11 PM
Janie 04 Sep 14 - 07:46 PM
Midchuck 04 Sep 14 - 08:53 PM
GUEST 04 Sep 14 - 11:27 PM
Big Al Whittle 04 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM
Janie 04 Sep 14 - 11:42 PM
Musket 05 Sep 14 - 05:32 AM
GUEST, topsie 05 Sep 14 - 06:14 AM
MGM·Lion 05 Sep 14 - 08:53 AM
MGM·Lion 05 Sep 14 - 10:44 AM
Musket 05 Sep 14 - 12:44 PM
Ed T 05 Sep 14 - 02:09 PM
BobL 05 Sep 14 - 04:21 PM
Dorothy Parshall 05 Sep 14 - 06:32 PM
Firecat 05 Sep 14 - 06:33 PM
GUEST,gillymor 06 Sep 14 - 08:02 AM
GUEST 06 Sep 14 - 10:43 AM
Musket 06 Sep 14 - 10:54 AM
Mrrzy 06 Sep 14 - 11:18 AM
artbrooks 06 Sep 14 - 11:34 AM
Bill D 06 Sep 14 - 03:13 PM
MGM·Lion 06 Sep 14 - 04:00 PM
Gurney 06 Sep 14 - 04:40 PM
Ed T 06 Sep 14 - 04:59 PM
dick greenhaus 06 Sep 14 - 07:35 PM
Ed T 06 Sep 14 - 07:49 PM
Ed T 06 Sep 14 - 07:59 PM
GUEST, topsie 07 Sep 14 - 05:59 AM
MGM·Lion 07 Sep 14 - 10:57 AM
GUEST,Rahere 07 Sep 14 - 11:28 AM
Janie 07 Sep 14 - 11:44 AM
Bert 07 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM
GUEST, topsie 07 Sep 14 - 01:01 PM
Q (Frank Staplin) 07 Sep 14 - 01:36 PM
Bill D 07 Sep 14 - 02:41 PM
Nigel Parsons 07 Sep 14 - 03:21 PM
Musket 07 Sep 14 - 04:39 PM
GUEST,leeneia 07 Sep 14 - 07:52 PM
Nigel Parsons 07 Sep 14 - 08:18 PM
Ed T 07 Sep 14 - 08:27 PM
wysiwyg 07 Sep 14 - 09:29 PM
Bert 08 Sep 14 - 12:18 AM
Don Firth 08 Sep 14 - 01:25 AM
GUEST, topsie 08 Sep 14 - 04:02 AM
gnu 08 Sep 14 - 06:11 AM
Nigel Parsons 08 Sep 14 - 08:30 AM
Musket 08 Sep 14 - 09:34 AM
Ed T 08 Sep 14 - 09:51 AM
Uncle_DaveO 08 Sep 14 - 11:20 AM
GUEST,Bryn Pugh 08 Sep 14 - 11:52 AM
Musket 08 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM
Nigel Parsons 09 Sep 14 - 03:18 AM
MGM·Lion 09 Sep 14 - 03:50 AM
MGM·Lion 09 Sep 14 - 03:52 AM
Mrrzy 09 Sep 14 - 12:17 PM
Ed T 09 Sep 14 - 06:12 PM
Steve Shaw 09 Sep 14 - 07:21 PM
Joe_F 09 Sep 14 - 08:30 PM
Ed T 09 Sep 14 - 10:56 PM
Janie 09 Sep 14 - 11:41 PM
GUEST,leeneia 10 Sep 14 - 12:46 AM
GUEST,Frank 10 Sep 14 - 02:54 AM
Musket 10 Sep 14 - 04:44 AM
Bert 10 Sep 14 - 12:15 PM
Sean Belt 10 Sep 14 - 01:32 PM
kendall 10 Sep 14 - 08:01 PM
Ed T 11 Sep 14 - 06:23 AM
Rusty Dobro 11 Sep 14 - 07:10 AM
GUEST,Rahere 12 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM
MGM·Lion 12 Sep 14 - 04:11 AM
Musket 12 Sep 14 - 12:28 PM
MGM·Lion 12 Sep 14 - 12:53 PM
MGM·Lion 12 Sep 14 - 12:57 PM
GUEST,Marianne S. 12 Sep 14 - 01:32 PM
MGM·Lion 12 Sep 14 - 02:10 PM
GUEST,Marianne S. 12 Sep 14 - 03:40 PM
GUEST,Rahere 12 Sep 14 - 03:57 PM
Ed T 12 Sep 14 - 04:54 PM
GUEST,Rahere 12 Sep 14 - 05:44 PM
Keith A of Hertford 13 Sep 14 - 10:48 AM
gnu 13 Sep 14 - 02:21 PM
GUEST,Rahere 13 Sep 14 - 02:29 PM
MGM·Lion 14 Sep 14 - 02:32 AM
frogprince 14 Sep 14 - 08:40 AM
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Subject: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 01:31 PM

... put a letter in a post box with your keys in your hand.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 01:42 PM

tsk tsk tsk - will they get your keys out for you without question, or do you have to fill out forms in triplicate to get them back?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 01:54 PM

Never put the keys on the car seat while you gather your things. Invariably you will forget them as you close and lock the door. Done that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:01 PM

Never dump the paper in the recycling bin while holding your keys, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:24 PM

And never put anything on the roof of the car - so many people drive off leaving important things like wallets and purses lying in the road.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 02:40 PM

I can't read any more... too familiar.

(well, never done the letter box bit, but...)

I can add: Never start the coffee pot without adding the coffee.... filtered hot water does nothing for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Phil Cooper
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:06 PM

I left a cittern on the roof of my car once. I drove 50 miles home before I realized it. An ad in the Chicago paper lost and found section, a $50 reward, and a $90 repair bill, I had it back. I think if it had been a guitar, I never would have seen it again. I figured someone opening the cloth case would not be likely to say, "oh gosh, an octave mandolin, just what I've always wanted." Never done anything like that again.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:11 PM

That is painful to read, Phil!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:37 PM

I live in a city with many University and technical students-and school began yesterday. So, I have seen plenty of questionable transportation techniques on the streets recently-especially matresses being transpirted on the tops of vehicles.

When I was a student, I learned that many car roof racks are ornaments, and are not attached to very much. I recall that my mattress ended up in the forest beside the highway.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:43 PM

... place popping corn in the cupboard next to yellow split peas. The peas don't do well in a hot air popcorn popper.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:51 PM

... replace a CPU fan without simply removing it and letting it sit horizontal overnight. (You don't necessarily need to add any machine oil. Of course, after a second failure, that may be advised. I'll report on that if it happens.)

happycampergnu

P.S. SRS... I dunno what happened 'after that' but I know the young lady was rather distraught about her keys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 03:57 PM

Magnet on a string?

I once carried a manly little handbag around with my stuff in it and once left it on top of the car and drove onto the freeway and home. I got a call half an hour later from someone who lived only a quart-mile away from me, wishing to return the thing, which he had boldly stopped to pick up from the on-ramp. It was intact and I have never forgotten his act of human kindness.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: olddude
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:01 PM

Now where the hell is my keys I probably washed them again


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:04 PM

Never close a self locking door without your keys IN YOUR HAND.

I stopped to pick up a wallet in the road once, It was a busy road and the contents had scattered. So I dodged in and out of the traffic and gathered all that I could find.

I called the owner and she came by to pick it up, and she was pissed at me for not getting everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:12 PM

Never buy a video player from a man on the street.

Who is out of breath.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:37 PM

"filtered hot water does nothing for me"
Have you tried it?
I used to know a delightful elderly Scottish woman who couldn't drink tea or coffee for medical reasons. When with people who were taking tea she would ask for "silver tea" - hot water.
I tried it, and it really is much nicer than plain cold water, especially when served in a bone china cup.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:38 PM

Never bake a squash without first making a hole for steam to escape.

This one's unique: never use the Miracle-Gro solution intended for the houseplants to fill the reservoir in the piano's Dampp-chaser. I have a friend who tunes pianos, and she found the strangest things growing in a college's Dampp-chasers. It took a while to figure it out.

(A Dampp-chaser is an appliance which either adds or removes humidity from the interior of a piano, as needed. I have one, but I fill it with very clean water.)

Never plant Grandpa Ott morning glories. Invasive!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 04:53 PM

On a more serious note, NEVER get home from the pub after a few drinks, start to fix yourself something to eat, and fall asleep leaving the gas stove lit. This is too often fatal - literally.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 06:22 PM

.......say never......


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: JennieG
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 06:24 PM

Never poke your finger into the water in an electric jug so see if it getting close to boiling.

In my defence, I was a rather naive 17YO.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,#
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 06:27 PM

Never not carry a second set of keys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Charmion
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:01 PM

Never play poker with a man named Doc ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: bobad
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:08 PM

Never insert contact lenses into your eyes after chopping/handling hot peppers.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: michaelr
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 07:28 PM

Never handle hot peppers before taking a leak.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 08:07 PM

"filtered hot water does nothing for me"

"Have you tried it?"

No... but I know of a couple of people who did drink hot water. *I* intended to have coffee.

Even worse was the time I put in the coffee, but neglected the water. I caught that after about 30 seconds...before serious problems.

---------------------------------

Never predict exactly what will happen when you do something to wow bystanders... "watch this!" is quite enough...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 08:52 PM

...throw an empty bouzouki case into the back of the van and drive 35 miles south to a paying job.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 09:30 PM

...squat on a portajohn seat with a $20 tape measure loosely clipped to your belt.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 03 Sep 14 - 10:54 PM

Leave your guitar in a the car on a sunny day.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: LadyJean
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 01:24 AM

Keep your keys in your purse. Carry them in your pocket. My mother used to scold me for doing that. It spoiled the line of my clothes, and make holes in my pockets she said. Then somebody grabbed her purse, and her keys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 04:02 AM

Keep your spare keys on the same key ring as your keys.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,CrazyEddie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 06:54 AM

...play leapfrog with a unicorn!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:32 AM

kick a dog in the knackers when your hand is in his mouth....


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:37 AM

 Never Say Never - Justin Bieber


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Charmion
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 10:47 AM

Never eat at a place called Mom's ...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 01:15 PM

Never crack the joke on stage about there being too much happiness in the world, saying you only mentioned it to the wife's sister in bed this morning, and forget your wife is in the audience.




And her bloody sister.

Oh, and the one about rodeo variant on doggy style didn't help matters...


In fact, stick to music Musket. Comedy has a habit of being funnier to some when your mates laugh about what happened backstage afterwards.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 05:34 PM

Ah, well, we have Morris Dancers in the audience, so there's only one thing left never to try. Kind of makes the question futile, sorry about that.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 06:11 PM

Oh yeah, the keys-in-the-hand trick. Also glasses (for seeing, I mean). Things not to have in your hand when doing all kinds of things. And places not to put the car keys down "for a sec" include in the trunk...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 07:46 PM

Drop a heavy pipe wrench into the toilet bowl. What starts out as plumbing problem turns into also buying a new toilet to replace the one now cracked into two halves.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Midchuck
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 08:53 PM

Re, the warning above, about keeping your spare keys on the same ring as your "regular" keys: It appears that car rental agencies (here in the US, anyway) are now giving the renter two keys to the rental car - on one ring, with no way to separate them. What's the point?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:27 PM

Never put a raw egg in the microwave with or without the shell. Kerboom!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:38 PM

cross the M1 with your eyes closed...it brings bad luck


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 04 Sep 14 - 11:42 PM

...eat pinto beans for lunch and spend the rest of the day in a small office interviewing people behind closed doors.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 05:32 AM

Feed a greyhound dried meat..

Jesus H Christ! Anyone got a champagne cork and a hammer?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:14 AM

You can cook an egg in a microwave without the shell if you first prick the yolk with a cocktail stick, toothpick, or other sharp point. Not the best way of cooking eggs though - there so many better alternatives.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 08:53 AM

... mind!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 10:44 AM

... again!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 12:44 PM

.... Nurse!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 02:09 PM

Ing


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: BobL
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 04:21 PM

... corner an animal meaner than you
... do card tricks for the group you play poker with
... feed the cat anything that doesn't match the carpet
... pull the pin and then throw the pin
... say anything you wouldn't want on your tombstone
... watch laws or sausages being made


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Dorothy Parshall
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:32 PM

Lock the boss's car with the engine running, and you are mile and half from the closest phone in January in Ontario. Or even your own, in front of the general store, with the heater running full tilt and the dog does not know how to open the door. Next step: spare keys - everywhere!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Firecat
Date: 05 Sep 14 - 06:33 PM

...play bongos walking down the stairs.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 08:02 AM

...fry bacon in the nude.

...go barefoot to snake stomping.

...go anywhere in your vehicle without a magnetic key holder stuck to the inside of your bumper. (Remember to stick a spare key in it.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:43 AM

....do unto others what you would rather not have done to you (or something like that)


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 10:54 AM

Oh, I don't know. Role reversal can be fun!

I do the ironing whilst she lays on the settee farting.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 11:18 AM

...forget that your dinner had a lot of hot sauce which is likely still on your fingers and in your moustaches, even if dinner was a couple of hours before the post-prandial sex!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: artbrooks
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 11:34 AM

(1) Never put your cell phone in that neat cell phone pocket down by your knee.

(2) Never put trou in the laundry without carefully checking all of the pockets.

(3) Anybody got a cell phone they don't need any more?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 03:13 PM

"...fry bacon in the nude."

arrgghh... had almost forgotten that!

Well, not nude, just no shirt. Leaned against a doorway next to stove where wife was frying bacon. It got me in the armpit! Tender for 2-3 days.

Ok...

"Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else."
    -1st law of wing-walking, adapted to employment


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:00 PM

... at a loss


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Gurney
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:40 PM

Try to dry damp chili powder in the microwave. Burning chili will kill you. Your lungs STOP.

Kick your keys to the curb/kerb if you drop them whilst crossing a busy road. At least, not without being sure there are no drains there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 04:59 PM

Never gorilla glue your guitar pick to your fingers.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:35 PM

...sleep with anyone crazier than you.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:49 PM

""sleep with anyone crazier than you.""

I have done that. It wasn't that bad.:)


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:59 PM

Never confuse blow, with suck, if you work in the vacuum machine sector.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 05:59 AM

"Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else."

That law might apply to employment, wing walking, tree climbing ...

but it's the opposite of what you should do with relationships.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 10:57 AM

... let the loo run out of paper


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 11:28 AM

Put your trust in Princes. Or Civil Servants.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 11:44 AM

Adding to the advice regarding hot peppers - Never change your nephew's diaper within 6 hours of handling hot peppers, even after washing your hands thoroughly.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM

I guess I'll have to add this one, since you all didn't. I thought it would have been one of the first responses.

...hit seventeen when you play against the dealer...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 01:01 PM

Well Bert,

I didn't add it because I've never heard it before and I haven't a clue what it means. Maybe I've led too sheltered a life.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 01:36 PM

Whoo, man! I always get a five or better when I hit seventeen.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bill D
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 02:41 PM

""Never let go of what you have hold of till you have hold of something else.""


..but it's the opposite of what you should do with relationships.

Oh right.... there the idea is not to let go at all--just 'add'


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 03:21 PM

From: dick greenhaus - PM
Date: 06 Sep 14 - 07:35 PM

...sleep with anyone crazier than you.

But surely, in a two person relationship, one, or other, must be sleeping with someone crazier than themselves!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 04:39 PM

Thinking back, I must have been crazy to sleep with some of them.

Though if sleep was the predominant feature , I must be slipping..

I love Mudcat. Occasionally I can allow myself to be as deluded as some of those who take themselves seriously.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 07:52 PM

Never try a shortcut in a parking structures. Parking structures are designed by followers of M.C. Escher, and a shortcut will always take you further from your car.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 08:18 PM

". . . in the field of human conflict . . ."
just typing that, I can hear the voice (mentally).


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 08:27 PM

Never purchase clothes a few sizes smaller, expecting that this will encourage you to work hard to fit into them.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Sep 14 - 09:29 PM

Never... EVER piss me off on a Friday.

Last warning!

~Susan


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Subject: ADD: Summer Wages (Ian Tyson)
From: Bert
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 12:18 AM

Topsie, it is from the song Summer Wages by Ian Tyson

        
Ian Tyson - Summer Wages (Chords)


Intro C F C G C
          C
Never hit seventeen
                F
When you play against the dealer
       C
You know that the odds
                        G
Won't ride with you
       C
Never leave your woman alone
                F
With your friends around to steal her
                C
She'll be gambled and gone
                        G
Like summer wages


And we'll keep rollin on
Till we get to Vancouver
And the lady that I love
Shes living there
Its been six long months
And more since I've seen her
Maybe she's gambled and gone
Like summer wages

(Chorus)G
       In all the beer parlors
                F               C
       All down along Main Steet
                C
       The dreams of the season
                F                         G
       Are spilled down on the floor
                   G
       All the big stands of timber
          F                        C
       Wait there just for fallin'
                C
       The hookers stand watchfully
             F             G
       Waitin by the door

I'm going to work on them towboats
With my slippery city shoes
Lord I swore I would never do that again
Through the great fog bound straights
Where the cedars stand waitin
I'll be lost and gone
Like summer wages
(Break - fiddle same as verse)

(Chorus)
Never hit seventeen
When you play against the dealer
You know that the odds
Won't ride with you
Never leave your woman alone
With your friends around to steal her
She'll be gambled and gone
Like summer wages
F                         C
And the years are gambled and lost
                      G C      G C
Like summer wages


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Don Firth
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 01:25 AM

...slap somebody who's chewing tobacco.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST, topsie
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 04:02 AM

Sounds like a good song but I'm still none the wiser - I assume it is a reference to a card game, as it involves a dealer.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 06:11 AM

Blackjack, topsie.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 08:30 AM

". . . rub another man's rhubarb": The Joker (Batman 1989)


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 09:34 AM

I find 16 to be difficult hand. I usually raise the dealer.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 09:51 AM

I would have expected you to be less than traditional/predictable, Musket, than holding at 16, where the odds of busting are 62 percent.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 11:20 AM

Never put the keys on the car seat while you gather your things.
Invariably you will forget them as you close and lock the door.
Done that.


Though my car, like (most?) (all?) other cars, can be locked by
using a button or lever when exiting, I "never" (knock wood) use
that means of locking; I use the remote lock function of the
electronic fob that came with the car, and thus "almost always"
have both of those locking means in my hand before I close the
door. I would never, these days, buy a car without the remote
access function built in.

When I have, in the past, locked myself out of the car, the keys were
to be found not on the car seat but in the ignition slot.
That's how I learned always to use the remote access/exit fob.

Dave Oesterreich


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Bryn Pugh
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 11:52 AM

Eat Yellow Snow . . . (unless the handwriting is your own).


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 08 Sep 14 - 12:52 PM

62% aren't bad odds to play against if you intend to beat the house, although that is rarely the odds as it depends on the cards in play at any time. That's why I usually raise the dealer and get the next card. I never hold at 16.

That said, if other players have been twisting with cards faced, you can guesstimate the odds back a bit depending on what has drawn from the shoe. I do not have the quick calculations or memory recall of decent players but I reckon it works more times than it doesn't.

Been a while since I played last though. I let my membership lapse at the club I used when I stopped spending half my ruddy life in London.




Never play a greyhound at cards. He may be poker faced but every time you deal him a good hand his tail starts wagging.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:18 AM

I would have expected you to be less than traditional/predictable, Musket, than holding at 16, where the odds of busting are 62 percent.
Even excluding Musket's comments about other players cards, if you have been dealt 16 (in two cards), the chance that the next card will 'bust' you is 60%, not 62%


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:50 AM

Never hijack a thread with disputations on the niceties of the scoring system of an obscure card game. Just look it up in Hoyle, why dontcha!

≈M≈


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 03:52 AM

Note to self:

Never be so bloody pompous and prescriptive again!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Mrrzy
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 12:17 PM

I would think that would mean ALWAYS play greyhounds at cards, since they have tells? Or never play cards if you're a dog? Unless you are tailless? Unless you're one of those tailless breeds that just wags their whole body in the absence of a tail?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 06:12 PM

"He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces." (Mark Twain)


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 07:21 PM

Don't eat prickly pear fruits whilst out on a ramble. I did this last week in Lipari, and I have a degree in botany. I peeled the fruit so carefully so as to get those little spines off, but it didn't work. Thirty seconds of gustatory delight, followed by two days of picking the little spikes out of my lips and tongue. Not what you want, believe me!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Joe_F
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 08:30 PM

Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till the day after tomorrow.

Never let it be denied that I couldn't help but fail to disagree with you less.

Never discuss religion or politics while sober.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never trust a man who doesn't have enemies.

Never express yourself more clearly than you think.

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 10:56 PM

""Prickly pear trees don't produce peaches.""


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Janie
Date: 09 Sep 14 - 11:41 PM

Ooh, Steve. I have done the same. Not fun.

Excuse the bit of thread drift, but Steve's post reminds me - I have read some from the journals of those on the Lewis & Clark expedition. Along the mid and further reaches of the Missouri River where portages were necessary, prickly pear was common. By that time boots had worn out and most of the men were reliant on elk-hide moccasins, which provided little protection from the spines of the prickly pear. Caused crippling hardship, suffering and delay in the party's journey to the Pacific coast. Many journal entries regarding this.

To bring it back around to topic, never wade through prickly pear thickets without thick, hard boots.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:46 AM

My neighbor planted some prickly pear. Never do that. Thick,hard boots might protect you from the thorns you can see, but the p.p. also has tiny, sharp filaments which are almost invisible and are hard to get out of your skin.

When the plant is done with the filaments, it sheds them, and wind and rain spread them into nearby soil. Not a good idea.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Frank
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 02:54 AM

NEVER Pass up a chance of having a wee
NEVER trust a fart
NEVER waste an erection


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 04:44 AM

Mrrzy obviously doesn't play cards for the enjoyment. There is no sport in cheating and watching the greyhound's tail would be cheating in my book. Hence not good to play cards with him.

Note to self. Concur with Michael's last post.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Bert
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 12:15 PM

Pee in a hedgerow, 'cos there's and electric fence on the other side.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Sean Belt
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 01:32 PM

"Never, oh, never whatever you do, sing a gorilla song." - Alan Seidler


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: kendall
Date: 10 Sep 14 - 08:01 PM

Never squat while wearing spurs.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 06:23 AM

Never leave a pot boiling on the stove, and go upstairs for an intended few minute search on the internet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 11 Sep 14 - 07:10 AM

Never sit a warm baby on cold marble...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 04:01 AM

No never...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 04:11 AM

And, indeed --

It's no nay never
No nay never no more...


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Musket
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 12:28 PM

Will I listen to old Grosvenor
No never, no more


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 12:53 PM

Aaaahhhh! Boohoo. Meanie!


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 12:57 PM

Mind you, hadn't realised how well "Grosvenor" formed an assonance with "rover" before...

≈The Wild Grosvenor≈


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Marianne S.
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 01:32 PM

Never put something in a safe place, you'll never find it again. Never say 'It's OK, I'll remember.' when someone offers to write something down, you won't remember. Never get old.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 02:10 PM

Indeed, Marianne. When my first wife had lost anything - again[!], I would always say, "Oh I know where it is. In the safe place where you put it..."

≈M≈


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Marianne S.
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 03:40 PM

Indeed.

10 minutes ago

My partner: 'Mike told me the brand name of that knee-support I need.'
Me: 'What is it?.'
My partner: 'I've forgotten.'


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 03:57 PM

Isn't it amazing when you're looking for something, it's always in the last place you look for it?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Ed T
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 04:54 PM

""Isn't it amazing when you're looking for something, it's always in the last place you look for it?""

So, where has my youthful appearance gone?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 12 Sep 14 - 05:44 PM

Look at your bum in the mirror?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 10:48 AM

Ian Paisley was fond of the word.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: gnu
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 02:21 PM

... infer with obscure references.


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 13 Sep 14 - 02:29 PM

Bum, Keith?


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 02:32 AM

"Bum" here doesn't mean a tramp or hobo, but is another word for buttocks or bottom or behind or posterior or arse [which is our spelling of your 'ass', which to us just means a donkey!].

Oh the joys of a shared language...

≈M≈


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Subject: RE: BS: Never...
From: frogprince
Date: 14 Sep 14 - 08:40 AM

Never walk while looking at the scenery in the stone paved alleys of old Naxos Town, Greece. (Didn't actually trip and fall yet, but tried repeatedly)


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