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BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp

Barbara Shaw 12 Feb 14 - 10:38 AM
gnu 12 Feb 14 - 07:16 AM
gnu 12 Feb 14 - 07:11 AM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 05:05 PM
Jack the Sailor 27 Jan 14 - 03:49 PM
Peter the Squeezer 27 Jan 14 - 03:14 PM
catspaw49 27 Jan 14 - 01:25 PM
GUEST,Triplane 27 Jan 14 - 02:23 AM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 01:54 AM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 01:21 AM
Bert 27 Jan 14 - 12:58 AM
JennieG 26 Jan 14 - 04:28 PM
Jim Carroll 26 Jan 14 - 09:45 AM
Bert 26 Jan 14 - 03:42 AM
Barbara Shaw 25 Jan 14 - 09:46 AM
Rapparee 24 Jan 14 - 10:03 AM
Roger the Skiffler 24 Jan 14 - 05:44 AM
Roger the Skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 09:20 AM
GUEST,Roger the cookieless skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 06:27 AM
Big Al Whittle 23 Jan 14 - 05:52 AM
Roger the Skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 04:46 AM
Roger the Skiffler 23 Jan 14 - 04:45 AM
Nigel Parsons 23 Jan 14 - 03:47 AM
Bert 23 Jan 14 - 03:09 AM
Amos 23 Jan 14 - 12:08 AM
Janie 22 Jan 14 - 09:57 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 14 - 09:33 PM
Big Al Whittle 22 Jan 14 - 07:13 PM
GUEST,Loo Read 22 Jan 14 - 06:45 PM
Genie 22 Jan 14 - 05:01 PM
JohnInKansas 22 Jan 14 - 11:58 AM
GUEST,Celtaddict 22 Jan 14 - 11:51 AM
Nigel Parsons 22 Jan 14 - 11:08 AM
Rapparee 22 Jan 14 - 10:16 AM
JennieG 22 Jan 14 - 06:49 AM
GUEST,Eliza 22 Jan 14 - 06:38 AM
Big Al Whittle 22 Jan 14 - 06:35 AM
Nigel Parsons 22 Jan 14 - 06:14 AM
GUEST,Black belt caterpillar wrestler 22 Jan 14 - 05:53 AM
Mo the caller 22 Jan 14 - 03:55 AM
Nigel Parsons 22 Jan 14 - 03:51 AM
ClaireBear 22 Jan 14 - 12:43 AM
Bill D 21 Jan 14 - 11:08 PM
Bert 21 Jan 14 - 08:50 PM
olddude 21 Jan 14 - 08:42 PM
olddude 21 Jan 14 - 08:40 PM
Jack the Sailor 21 Jan 14 - 04:42 PM
JohnInKansas 21 Jan 14 - 03:16 PM
Bill D 21 Jan 14 - 02:32 PM
GUEST,Eliza 21 Jan 14 - 02:31 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 12 Feb 14 - 10:38 AM

Roll on Muddy River


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 14 - 07:16 AM

Just arrived from a desperate plea for help on Facebook so I haven't read any posts yet.

Riding My Porcelin Pony


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 14 - 07:11 AM

Refreshed for a buddy on Facebook... so that everyone who looks for it doesn't have to search for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 05:05 PM

In Mobile

The eagles they fly high in Mobile
The eagles they fly high in Mobile
The eagles they fly high
and they shit right in your eye
it's a good job cows don't fly
in Mobile

in Mobile, in Mobile,in Mo, in Mo, in Mo, in Mobile
The eagles they fly high
and they shit right in your eye
it's a good job cows don't fly
in Mobile

The seagulls have a lighthouse in Mobile
The seagulls have a lighthouse in Mobile
The seagulls have a lighthouse
and they use it as a shitehouse
now it looks just like The Whitehouse

There's no paper in the bogs in Mobile
There's no paper in the bogs in Mobile
There's no paper in the bogs
so they sit there 'till it clogs
and they saw it into logs

There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile
There's a shortage of good whores in Mobile
There's a shortage of good whores
but there's keyholes in the doors
and there's knotholes in the floors


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 03:49 PM

Poo Poo Pee Do!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 03:14 PM

The only one that comes to my mind is from Paul McCartney - "We all stand together", otherwise known as ...



THE BOG SONG


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 01:25 PM

I'm going to print this one now for the plumber this week.

I want to thank all of you for your "contributions" here. Y'all have been squeezing them out and though a few run on they are all appropriately stench ridden!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Triplane
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 02:23 AM

"Just a pong in't toilet when the lights are low" from Loves Old Sweet Song

or the final solution by
SS Shiel;dhall


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 01:54 AM

Here 'tiz.

Muckspreading Time
(as sung by The Yetties)

There be some like the smell of the violets in spring,
Or the sweet new mown hay when the lark's on the wing,
But the sweetest to I, be the smells that do climb,
Up in to the breeze ev'ry muckspreading time.

Chorus:
Muck spreading time, Muck spreading time,
Ev'ry thing's fragrant at muck spreading time.

For 'twere muck spreadin time when I first met with Sue,
And showed her the barn and a hay rick or two,
She were hotter than harvest and quicker than lime,
Cos passions in season at muck spreadin time.

Our courtin went on like a hay rick afire,
Till we came to the day that her parents desired,
The wedding was lovely, I felt in me prime,
And suzy looked full of beans last muck spreadin time.

He choir was all there and our chosen hymns sung,
The ringers turned out and the bells they went dung,
Even the vicar forgot for to mime,
When i wedded sweet Sue last much spreadin time.

Now Suzy's as busy as busy can be,
With two little muck spreaders, one for each knee,
& if we works through the season and things turn out fine,
We'll make it a foursome by muck spreadin time

I found the lyrics here
a great collection


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 01:21 AM

Didn't The Yetties sing a song abot "Muck Spreading Time"?


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 27 Jan 14 - 12:58 AM

Manura Manyah
      

copyright 1964 Matt McGinn

CHO: Wi' manyura manyah, wi' manyura manyah!
    Wi' manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!

Noo I've heard men complain of the jobs they are dain,
When they're hawking the coal, or diggin' the drain.
But whatever they are, there is none that compare
Wi manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!

The streets of the toon were all kivvered aroon
Wi' stuff that was pure and gowden and broon,
It was put there, of course, by a big Clydesdale horse!
And they called it manyura, manyura manyah!

I followed its track wi a shovel and sack,
And as often as no wi a pain in me back.
It was all for the rent, and the wonderful scent
Of manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!

But I'm feelin gae sore for my job's taken o'er
And everything noo is mechanical power
And there's naught left for me but the sweet memory
Of manyura, manyura, manyura manyah!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JennieG
Date: 26 Jan 14 - 04:28 PM

"There goes my only possession........
There goes my everything!"


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 26 Jan 14 - 09:45 AM

Used to be a parody of a song called 'September in the Rain" in Liverpool in the sixties - can only remember

"The bits of brown came tumbling down
I remember, I remember,
Before I pulled the chain."
Jim Carrll


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 26 Jan 14 - 03:42 AM

A penny a kiss.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Barbara Shaw
Date: 25 Jan 14 - 09:46 AM

Puff the Magic Dragon
Please Release Me
Little Black Train a'Comin


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Jan 14 - 10:03 AM

This toilet fails to flush ever Monday morning,
So we buy a plunger in the afternoon (apologies to PP&M)

All God's chillun got a place in the choir
Some go low and some go higher
Some take a crap on the telephone wire
And some sit and clap their hams, oh!

In Mountjoy Jail, one Monday morning,
Kevin Berry had to pee

Storm along, drive along, punch it out your ribs
This porcelain thrones a-waitin'
It'll take all you can give....


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 24 Jan 14 - 05:44 AM

I see the moon


RtS
What have you started, Spaw!


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 09:20 AM

Harry Limescale theme from the Turd Man


RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Roger the cookieless skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 06:27 AM

Crap lands, here comes turdy

RtS
(I'll get me plunger)


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 05:52 AM

can't leave it languishing on that old thread -
Ladies and Gentlemen - the genius of Sydney Carter - gentleman, Quaker and Bitish eccentric - a tricky mix!

DOWN BELOW
© Sydney Carter, 1958

When you're working in the dark,
Down below,
Underneath St James's Park,
Down below.
When you're working in the dark.
Oh, it isn't half a lark,
When you're working in the dark,
Down below.

It isn't hard to tell,
Down below.
If it's Bow or Clerkenwell,
Down below,
For Bow and Clerkenwell
Have a diff'rent kind of smell
And we know it very well,
Down below.

Over Covent Garden way,
Down below.
In the merry month of May,
Down below.
The fragrance of the flow'rs
Gives us many happy hours
And we sing a roundelay
Down below.

The objects that we find
Down below
Help to entertain the mind
Down below.
There are watches we can't wind
Wrapped up in bacon rind
And that isn't all you find
Down below.

When you're under Floral Street,
Down below,
With the water 'round your feet,
Down below.
'Mid the cabbages and beet
You may find a marguerite,
And the thought is very sweet,
Down below.

Hatton Garden is a spot
Down below.
Where we like to go a lot,
Down below.
Since a bloke in Leather Lane
Dropp'd a diamond down the drain
We've been waiting, but in vain,
Down below.

When to Billingsgate we come,
Down below.
When to Billingsgate we come,
Down below.
When to Billingsgate we come
Then things begin to hum
And we wish we'd never come
Down below.

There is something in a sewer
Down below.
That has a strange allure
Down below.
The magic of the drains
Is a thing you can't explain
But it's calling us again
Down below.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 04:46 AM

...and a religious toilet might sing:
Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the turd


RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 04:45 AM

Mississippi Sheiks: Sitting on top of the Turd
Sweet Violets ("They say that your father's a muckman...")
Flush the Magic Toilet
Big John
Sixteen Turds
Wee Willie Winkie
Wee Wee Wee Deleelah
The biggest floating crap turd in new York

RtS


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 03:47 AM

The Sydney Carter song mentioned above is "Down Below" and can be found in the thread Sewer Songs which has nothing to do with needlecraft, but does include some other worthy songs.

Cheers


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 03:09 AM

A little bit of thread drift.

Assholes are cheap today
cheaper than yesterday
little boys are half a crown
standing up or lying down
bigger boys are three and six
'cos they're for bigger pricks
assholes are cheap, are very cheap today


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Amos
Date: 23 Jan 14 - 12:08 AM

Toot-toot-tootsie, goodbye!

There was a fine line at the end of one version of the Tattooed Lady, that asserted "Whenever she sits down, she sits on me!"
"You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk real slow, and know when to run..."


Songs a toilet would sing? That's a real conundrum, innit.

"Oh the world goes round in circles like a crazy ferris wheel,
ANd its good to know there's a place to go when the pressures get too real.
Where you leave what's left of oatmeal or a chocolate ice cream cone,
When you're old enough to do it on your own."


APologies to Al Grierson...


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Janie
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 09:57 PM

Oh lordy me, didn't I sh*t sugaree
Everything I got is done and flushed.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 09:33 PM

"This Way To Heaven" by Big As Zeppelins

"Constipation...hurts my heart
Constipation...keeps us apart
Why torture me...?"

"There's No Business Like Bowel Business"

"Blowin' Out Some Wind"

"There's NO paper like NO paper..."


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 07:13 PM

does anyone remember that song John Foreman song _ I think it may have been a Sidney Carter song - about the sewers


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Loo Read
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:45 PM

Diarrhoea, I just got a dose of diarrhoea
And suddenly that name, will never be the same to me.
Diarrhoea, say it loud and your friends go rushing,
Say it soft, you can hear cisterns flushing
Diarrhoea, will I ever stop going, diarrhoea
All the horrible sounds of the arse in a single pharrrrrrrrrrrppp
Diarrhoea, diarrhoea, diarrhoea.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Genie
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 05:01 PM

Black Water?

Urge For Goin'


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 11:58 AM

Lehrer's "I Got It From Agnes" might make a fair potty parody with a few adjustments?

John


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Celtaddict
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 11:51 AM

I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 11:08 AM

Or, anither constipation song by F R David ...

"Turds don't come easy"


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 10:16 AM

"Round and around and around we go again,
Makin' with the flooding to and fro again...."

How about "It's a long way to Tipperary"?

"Come landlord, we've filled the flowing bowl
Until it did run over..."

"Somewhere between your moon and New York City"

"I did it MY way"


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JennieG
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:49 AM

How about the old adage "one good turd deserves another"? Is that in any known song?


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:38 AM

As it will soon be Robert Burns Night, how about his song, "See the smoking bowl before us..."


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:35 AM

should be above the line


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 06:14 AM

For those with long memories, migh I suggest:

"Black Bottom" (Temperance Seven)


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 05:53 AM

I'll fathom the bowl.

Also John Kirkpatrick's "Belinda Brown" relates the events that happen when a mobile phone is dropped in the toilet.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Mo the caller
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 03:55 AM

It's definately 3 old ladies, the other 37 are in the queue.

How about the one that infantclasses sing before playtime?
Hey, hey, skip to my loo.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 03:51 AM

There's the classic song of universal constipation, as sung by THE KING: ...

"We're taut in a crap" Uh-uh!

Or numerous possibilities in this Song Challenge

Cheers (or should that be 'bottoms up'?)
Nigel


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: ClaireBear
Date: 22 Jan 14 - 12:43 AM

How about that song from my youth whose chorus I always hear as "There's a bathroom on the right!"?


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 11:08 PM

"Ode to the Little Brown Shack Out Back"

Yep..I sing that. Written by Billy Ed Wheeler.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bert
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 08:50 PM

They say there's a poop ship just leaving Bombay...


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 08:42 PM

the answer my friend is blowing in the wind


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: olddude
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 08:40 PM

How many turds must a man flush down
before you call him a man .....


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 04:42 PM

This guy puts the number at seven.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 03:16 PM

A sort of well known one:

"Little Brown Shack Out Back"

a.k.a. "Ode to the Little Brown Shack Out Back" and a few other variants.

My music index says it's in Sing Your Heart Out, Country Boy, Dorothy Horstman, Country Music Foundation, ISBN 0-915608-19-7, but I have no idea which pile that book's in.

John


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: Bill D
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:32 PM

Here's one of dozens of versions of this:

Crab Song (Collected by MacEdward Leach)

Good morning, Mr. Devil, morning, sir, he said,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
You've got a crab which you'll sell unto me,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

I got a crab fish one, two, three,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
And the fattest of the three I will sell unto thee,
To thee all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

Jack took the fattest by the backbone,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Like a damn fool came swigging on the rum,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

And when he got home for the want of a dish,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Put him in the pot where the woman had to piss,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

The woman got up and she did want,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Crab fish caught on by the you-know-what,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

Old man, old man, now do you come hither,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Devil's in the pisspot tearing up your lover,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

The man came peeping, as I suppose,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
Crab with his other claw caught him by the nose,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

Run, boys, run get the looking glass,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
See your daddy's nose stuck up mommy's ass,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.

One got the poker, other got the stick,
Whack fol the didlle-o the diddle-i-day;
More they beat the crab fish, tighter held his grip,
To me all whack fol-de-diddle-i-dee.


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Subject: RE: BS: SongsAToiletWouldSing--Fun--NeedHelp
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 21 Jan 14 - 02:31 PM

Thank you Bert. It seems old ladies are hanging round toilets quite a bit these days. I must be missing out!


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