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BS: Favourite Insult

Patrish(inactive) 10 Nov 99 - 11:50 AM
Allan C. 10 Nov 99 - 11:59 AM
JedMarum 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM
Patrish(inactive) 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM
Den 10 Nov 99 - 12:08 PM
Clifton53 10 Nov 99 - 12:09 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 12:10 PM
Tony Burns 10 Nov 99 - 12:28 PM
Melbert 10 Nov 99 - 12:41 PM
catspaw49 10 Nov 99 - 12:42 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 12:46 PM
Melbert 10 Nov 99 - 12:49 PM
bob schwarer 10 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM
Blackcat2 10 Nov 99 - 01:03 PM
Clifton53 10 Nov 99 - 01:05 PM
MMario 10 Nov 99 - 01:15 PM
sophocleese 10 Nov 99 - 01:24 PM
Midchuck 10 Nov 99 - 01:27 PM
MMario 10 Nov 99 - 01:28 PM
Áine 10 Nov 99 - 01:37 PM
Liz the Squeak 10 Nov 99 - 01:39 PM
Allan C. 10 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM
Dave Swan 10 Nov 99 - 02:39 PM
Mbo 10 Nov 99 - 02:44 PM
MMario 10 Nov 99 - 02:46 PM
Durham Lad 10 Nov 99 - 03:25 PM
cravinboy 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM
Fortunato 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM
kendall 10 Nov 99 - 03:37 PM
Micca 10 Nov 99 - 03:46 PM
sophocleese 10 Nov 99 - 04:00 PM
Ade 10 Nov 99 - 04:57 PM
Llanfair 10 Nov 99 - 05:00 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 05:10 PM
MAG (inactive) 10 Nov 99 - 06:08 PM
Les B 10 Nov 99 - 06:34 PM
catspaw49 10 Nov 99 - 06:47 PM
DonMeixner 10 Nov 99 - 06:48 PM
Bert 10 Nov 99 - 06:58 PM
MandolinPaul 10 Nov 99 - 08:03 PM
Bill D 10 Nov 99 - 09:57 PM
Frankie 10 Nov 99 - 10:24 PM
Bugsy 10 Nov 99 - 10:26 PM
Brendy 10 Nov 99 - 10:47 PM
Michael K. 10 Nov 99 - 10:58 PM
Michael K. 10 Nov 99 - 11:04 PM
Brendy 10 Nov 99 - 11:20 PM
Jeri 10 Nov 99 - 11:24 PM
ddw 10 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM
WyoWoman 11 Nov 99 - 01:03 AM
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Subject: Favourite Insult
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:50 AM

"Nice face, what you gonna do when the baboon wants his backside back"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:59 AM

Oh, yeah! Like this is going to be a productive thread! It's stuff like this that really gets me steamed. In fact, I wouldn't spit on you if your hair was on fire!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: JedMarum
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM

"Yes Lady," said a young man sitting on the bar stool, "I am drunk - but you're ugly, and in the morning; I'll be sober!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:03 PM

Oh yeah....may the fleas of a 1000 camels infest your erogenous zones.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Den
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:08 PM

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg. Den (whatever that means)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Clifton53
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:09 PM

If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:10 PM

You wouldn't know your prick from your thumb if it didn't have a nail on it!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Tony Burns
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:28 PM

"Do you know what I like about you?"

"Nothing."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:41 PM

" Hello handsome! - (I must do something about these glasses!)"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:42 PM

Profane as I often am, most of my favorites are beyond what even I would post here. The last time I posted something of that sort was in a ridiculous attempt to vent some anger, and to say it didn't come off would be to put it mildly.

I am partial to one that rolled out of my mouth one time and I've used it around here occasionally.

"You are without a doubt the most unmitigated asshole I've ever had the singular displeasure of having meant."

.....and I think I'll leave it at that.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:46 PM

You metamorphosing pollywog!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Melbert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 12:49 PM

In similar vein, one of our (UK) newspapers this week printed some "a**econs" (as opposed to "emoticons" - the little smiley faces constructed from puntuation marks.

(_!_) = fat arse
(!) = tight arse
(_$_) = money coming out of his arse
(_e=mc2_) = (yes, you guessed, "smart arse".


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: bob schwarer
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:02 PM

What's a girl like you doing iin a nice place like this?

Bob S.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Blackcat2
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:03 PM

I tend to insult men (hell, women too) by calling them a "Penile impliment".


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Clifton53
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:05 PM

Your such a loser, if you fell into a barrel of tits you'd come up sucking your thumb!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:15 PM

tell me, did your parents have any children who lived?

Is your intellect natural, or did you have to study to get that stupid?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: sophocleese
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:24 PM

You'd look good on a meat hook.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Midchuck
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:27 PM

"You couldn't get laid in a womens' prison with a handful of blank pardons!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:28 PM

PLEASE NOTE: THIS ONE IS USED ONLY IN THE CONTEXT OF REN_FAIRE - ONLY AT ONE FAIRE (that I know of)_ AND NO OFFENSE IS MEANT TO ANYONE WHO MIGHT ACTUALLY HAIL FROM THERE:

You're from Shropshire, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Áine
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:37 PM

I know this one may seem tame by the standards set by the rest of you; however, this is one my mother (who NEVER cursed) would use when you REALLY got her dander up:

You don't have the sense God gave a piss ant!

-- Áine


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:39 PM

Liam, that was actually Sir Winston Churchill who said that, but it does work nicely. Another one of his is: Lady Astor (or Bessie Braddock, we can't remember) to Sir Winston: 'Sir Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee!'

Sir Winston: 'Madam, if I were your husband, I would drink it!'

My favourite is - to a bloke...

'Are you circumcised? Threw away the wrong bit didn't they.'

LTS


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Allan C.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 01:45 PM

Put your brain in a crow and it'd fly backwards!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Dave Swan
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 02:39 PM

Critic.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Mbo
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 02:44 PM

"Yeah, you're beautiful like the back end of a frying pan."

(An old Italian insult)

--Mbo


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MMario
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 02:46 PM

okay, that one is getting REALLY nasty!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Durham Lad
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:25 PM

One heckler put down I heard at a concert was "Madam; would you mind shutting up, I've only got an hour to earn my living you've got all night to earn yours!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: cravinboy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM

Tom Waits to a loud audience member recently;"I thought I told you wait in the car!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Fortunato
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:33 PM

You couldn't play in the sandbox as a child,
the cat would come and cover you up.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: kendall
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:37 PM

The late Jud Strunk (Daisey a day) had a mean one.. a drunken woman heckler.. finally he said "Give me a break lady, I wouldn't pull the mattress out from under you while you were working." One of my favorites.."Listen pecker breath.."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Micca
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 03:46 PM

They ruined a good arse when they put teeth in your mouth. an old Scouse(Liverpool) insult.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: sophocleese
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 04:00 PM

Overachiever.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Ade
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 04:57 PM

If you had another brain cell you'd qualify for pond life!


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Llanfair
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 05:00 PM

OK, MMario, what's wrong with Shropshire????????
My favourite is "call those laughter lines? nothing's that funny" Hwyl, Bron.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 05:10 PM

Then there's the one Billy Connolly used in 'Raw Meat for the Balcony'

Does your mouth bleed every 28 days?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:08 PM

"You will never need to know."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Les B
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:34 PM

"If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to physic a piss ant" and, as a threat to child or man "I'll kick your ass so hard you'll be shiting out of your collar"


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: catspaw49
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:47 PM

The great and wonderfully brilliant George S. Kaufman was sitting beside a woman at a dinner party one night. She rambled on continuously through the meal and as dessert was being served, Kaufman turned to her and asked, "Madam, do you have any unexpressed thoughts?"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: DonMeixner
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:48 PM

"Why weren't you born twins, you could be twice as Stupid?" As said by Howard Arlen in the film "China Clipper.

" I wouldn't p*** up your ass if your guts was on fire!" onr of my favorites.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bert
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 06:58 PM

refresh


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Subject: Favourite Insult
From: MandolinPaul
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 08:03 PM

Did you shit your brain?


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bill D
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 09:57 PM

heard an old carpenter say once, when shaking his head about the boss...

"Some folks ain't got the sense God give a retarded rubber duck"

I guess it coud be a direct insult, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Frankie
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:24 PM

If she had as many dicks sticking out of her as was stuck in her she'd look like a porcupine. (Where's my choclolate Squeak. Snigger, snigger indeed!)

F


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Bugsy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:26 PM

"He just had an arsehole transplant - the arsehole rejected him!"

cheers

Bugsy


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:47 PM

"I know two assholes in this town....and you're both of them!".
"Oh look!. I've got a pubic hair in my drink. Don't recognise it, do you?"

Bren.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Michael K.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 10:58 PM

The movie ''Ferris Bueller's Day Off'' had a very memorable line.

''He was so uptight, if you shoved a lump of coal up his ass, 24 hours later you'd have a diamond.''


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Michael K.
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:04 PM

Another great put down line, used by a woman fending off the advances of an aggressive male:

''If you make love to me, and I find out about it....''

Others that come to mind to describe dim people:

- 3 bricks short of a load
- lights are on but nobody's home
- his/her driveway doesn't come all the way to the house
- 2 bars short of a samba
- ''Do you have enough fuel to land?''
- Takes him/her an hour and a half to watch ''60 Minutes''

(I'll stop here...)


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Brendy
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:20 PM

How about "He was soo tight (mean) he could peel an orange in his pocket with a boxing glove on"
Feeble really.
However. A good few years ago one of my elder brothers and I were out having a few pints with my then soon to be brother in law. My brother had bought the first round, 3 pints. After a while I bought a round, 3 pints again. We were getting to the bottom of these ones, and the natural progression would have been for our family's newest member to decorate the mahogany next.
Well we waited, and waited, and yer man was making no gestures that indicated loads of pints were imminent.
My brother eventually looked at him and said
"Is your arm OK these days Joe?" Joe, a little confused "what do you mean?" "No, it's just I thought it was broke the way you were buyin' all those pints"

le meas Bren.


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: Jeri
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:24 PM

This past weekend, I heard "a couple of fries short of a Happy Meal."


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: ddw
Date: 10 Nov 99 - 11:57 PM

Hey, I know your mother. She always runs out from under the porch and bites my ankle.

david


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Subject: RE: BS: Favourite Insult
From: WyoWoman
Date: 11 Nov 99 - 01:03 AM

These are from the Elizabethan Curse Generator:

http://robin-nvh.bvsd.k12.co.us/~tstone/curse/

Thou wenching boil-brained maggot-pie!
Thou ruttish paper-faced puttock!
Thou haughty hasty-witted waterfly!
Thou dissembling bunched-backed rampallion!
Thou purpled white-livered maggot-pie!
Thou villainous raw-boned minimus!
Thou saucy common-kissing flirt-gill!
Thou lewd rug-headed scullion!
Thou brazen beef-witted barnacle!
Thou fawning ill-composed egg-shell!

ww


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Mudcat time: 28 October 10:25 PM EDT

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