Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: billybob
Date: 07 Sep 13 - 05:47 AM

Lovely morning here,

I have been trying to blue clicky a photo of mothers cake on fire but being a luddite could not do it!

However I have sent the photo to the mudcat page on Face book if anyone would like a laugh!!

Sailing on and taking mother to a RAF church service in the Cotswolds tomorrow

much love

Wendy xxxxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: frogprince
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 10:33 PM

Doin' fine here; hope that "no news is good news" for others of the crew as well.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 06 Sep 13 - 09:15 PM

The crew has been quiet for a few days. Too much grog? How is everyone?

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 11:56 AM

One cake good, two cakes better!!

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 07:13 AM

Janie... long shot but... hold right Shift and press left Ctrl.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 04 Sep 13 - 05:59 AM

I love the (mental) pic of the wax-encased cake!

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 10:26 PM

Wendy, next time you'll need a great big sheet cake!

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Janie
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 09:42 PM

Haven't had time tø post (pardon weird symbols - rate of death oƒ computer is speeding up and keyboard now has a mind oƒ it's own) but have been checking in, rowing, singing, celebrating that whiçh warrants it and holding all in my thoughts and meditations. Sorry to no† be able to address each personally on the forum. Know that all of you are addressed personally in my heart.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 05:45 PM

memories are made of this!
what might be a disaster could be a delight.you still had your cake and eat it too!

I can understand your predicament , dan. sometimes it seems easier to be untruthful or economical with the truth.
with a prayer for wisdom through this.
blessings   pete.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 10:28 AM

That's nice! Good thing you had two cakes.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: billybob
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 08:13 AM

Should have said " put half on each" as mum was 90 not 100!!!

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: billybob
Date: 03 Sep 13 - 07:24 AM

To lighten your hearts!! We celebrated mothers 90th birthday at thw weekend. I had two birthday cakes and ninety candles. I was going to put 50 on each but my granddaughter of 7 said" No nonnie, you must put all the candles on one cake.So .............

The flames were six inches high, the wax melted and covered the cake, we spent forty minutes hacking the wax off!! The cake was lovely minus icing!

Mum had a wonderful time,but I will never live it down!!

Much love Wendy xxxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: rumanci
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 09:15 PM

Onward,upward with loving thoughts for a stalwart crew pulling together. I took shore leave for a while - needed a re-fit! - but my heart and mind stayed with you all.
rum xx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 08:54 PM

Yes. From me, too, Dan.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 09:04 AM

well said everyone.

more love & hugs to Dan

sandra

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 07:22 AM

Ditto Nigel.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 02 Sep 13 - 06:41 AM

Dear Dan, I'm so sorry to read about your desperate situation. I can but echo Wendy's wise words & remind you that you have the love & support of the whole Rainbow Crew. Pete Jennings' post makes good sense too.
                                                         With Love,
                                                                        Nigel.
                                                                        xxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 01:26 PM

When Judi's mom had was suffering from dementia she used to say that she was worried about Norman, her husband who had passed away some years earlier, because she hadn't seen him for over a week.

We settled on replying that he'd gone out and would be back soon, which calmed her down, and five minutes later she'd either forgotten her anxiety or said the same thing again.

Not sure there's a correct way of handling such situations...we just muddled through really. Didn't make it any easier I'm afraid, oldster.

Pete

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: olddude
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 10:21 AM

Thank you all, I cherish the advice
xxx

Dan

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: billybob
Date: 29 Aug 13 - 07:54 AM

Dan,do still visit your aunt, you don't need to lie, just move the conversation on with " I am sure she is missing you too" or something similar. My mother has dementia and never asks about my father anymore, although she remembers him, they were married 67 years. She talks about him and recognises his photo, I think deep down she knows he has passed away but after the first weeks of grief she seems to have moved on .However my brother had a heart attack a few weeks ago, he is the apple of her eye and saw her 4 times a week. I was dreading telling her he was ill. The first week I said he had car trouble and she accepted that and didn't ask again where he was.He has only seen her once a week but she does not appear to miss him.
Dementia affects people in so many different ways but one thing I am sure of is that they will never react the way you expect! Three golden rules, be guided by them, never disagree , and don't ask any direct questions. Very difficult to do but it does work!

Your relationship with your aunt is important to you both, just visit and talk about mutual memories , or just hold her hand.She loves you and will be happy to see you.

with love Wendy xxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 09:31 PM

Dan, I agree with Frogprince's writing that "Sometimes with a dementia patient, each time you tell them that a loved one has died, they will suffer serious grief...and then, before long, want to talk to that person again anyhow." I went through that with my uncle when he would ask when his wife could visit him. I finally learned to say that she was busy today (with others in Heaven, I thought to myself), but had sent me to visit instead and to let him know that she was well and missed him, too, and would be with him again as soon as possible.

Nigel, I wish I did live near Charlotte or could travel there to meet you.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 08:58 PM

Oh my! That is truly rough, Dan. But, if she thinks of you the way you think of her, visit. And, when she asks, lie? Tell her whatever... tell he yer Mum has a flu and would like to visit but does not want to pass on the flu but she'll be in touch when she is better and then change the subject? You could tell her the truth, but, as has been said... gosh. That's a rough one. As rough as they come.

Dear me. I feel your pain, Dan. My "advice" above is pathetic because I am just grasping at ideas. I hope someone herein can provide something better than my thoughts.

Thanks for sharing, Dan. It's something all of us should think about and banter and brainstorm about.

I may not be able to help in a tangible way, but I am here alongside this wonderful crew of sailors and it gives me solace to sail with them. If nothing else, Dan, I hope it does the same for you.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 08:46 PM

sending love & good wishes

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: frogprince
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 06:33 PM

Dan, it's not real easy to know what to say about that. Sometimes with a dementia patient, each time you tell them that a loved one has died, they will suffer serious grief...and then, before long, want to talk to that person again anyhow. One would have to know your aunts personal condition right at this point, to judge what would be best for her, and even then it might be hard to say.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: olddude
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 04:48 PM

My mum passed away in May. My aunt Gracie had to move to a nursing home as she has dementia. Thing is, she will go for more than a week perfect normal but then fades out. No one told her mom passed away. Her brothers ordered us not to in no uncertain terms. Mom and Gracie were joined at the hip. They were sisters that never were apart for more than a few days. She is now calling us wanting to talk to mom.
I can't even visit her as I cannot lie to her ... My God what a mess. I think it is not right but her brothers are the ones that have the power of attorney and health proxies. If I tell her ... family chaos

I am lost .. I hate this .. I lost two mom's

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 28 Aug 13 - 05:18 AM

ChanteyLass, your cheery greeting has brightened up my Wednesday morning no end! Also helped by the fact that the sun continues to shine, here in London. So are we in good spirits? I think 'yes' is the answer, a little muted perhaps, but 'yes', nonetheless.
          Ann & I are planning to visit our other daughter & her Family in Charlotte NC around Thanksgiving time. We tried to organise this last year, but circumstances made the trip impossible. Hopefully, this year it will go ahead. Do any American Crew Members live within striking distance of Charlotte & if so, would some sort of a get together be possible/desirable? I don't have firm dates yet, but will post as soon as I do.
                               Much Love, Hugs & Kisses,
                                                                      Nigel & Ann.
                                                                      xxxxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 27 Aug 13 - 09:11 PM

Hello, fellow crew members. I hope you are all in good spirits in spite of the challenges some continue to face. Fair weather or foul, let's keep this ship afloat.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: billybob
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 06:32 AM

Day by the sea is certainly still my intent Nigel, the next 3 weekends are busy, mother will be 90 on the 31st so a small family teaparty is being planned. Then the following weekend we are taking her to a very special church service at Little Rissington where they are dedicating a bench to remember my father. It will be an RAF service and dad attended it every September for 50 years to remember his friends from WW2.
The following week we are off to Salisbury to celebrate my cousin 's 70th Birthday, hoping to take mother to that to, but am not sure if two long car journeys will be too much?

This weekend has been lovely with four generations gathering together, seeing the "littles" swimming in the sea and having bacon butties in the beach hut was a joy and bought back memories of doing the same thing when I was young. The great thing about Frinton is seeing the same families every summer over the decades, the young of the sixties now being the grandparents and the sandcastle rituals carrying on just as before! Who can build the biggest and trying to defeat the rising tide!

So maybe late September Nigel, I will pm you nearer the time, we are both looking forward to meeting you and Ann in person.

Up spaw, sending love xxx

much love to all the crew

Wendy xxxxxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 26 Aug 13 - 05:48 AM

In my thoughts today especially are: Spaw, Virginia T, Roger & Kat's Family, Wendy (Do we still have time for a sojourn by the sea?), Maeve & all on board for whom life is in any way difficult or troublesome.
         My meds. changeover seems to be going reasonably smoothly...tapering off the steroids & replacing them with Methotrexate. Upside, almost no appreciable side effects. Downside, seemingly endless blood tests for several more months until the changeover is complete. I've been wondering whether the opposite of Spaw's port exists, you know, like a tap/faucet. I could draw off the blood myself & just drop it off at the clinic! (Needlephobics of the world unite!)
       Readjusting to the pace of life in London after an extended stay on a small, very beautiful Greek island is proving to be more difficult than it used to. We're just about on top of the basics: food shopping, cooking, laundry & the washing up.......eventually! Life DOES go on, albeit forever changed, but live with it we will, given time & your Love & Support.
                     Love, Hugs & Kisses to All,
                                                             Nigel & Ann.
                                                             xxxxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 09:13 PM

What frogprince said!

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: frogprince
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 04:09 PM

Good to hear "ups" from so many of the crew; may the "ups" continue, except for Virginia Tam's foot; "down" may it go.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 01:56 PM

I hope the UPward trend continues, my friend. Thanks for the UPdate, Spaw. Bless you and yours.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: catspaw49
Date: 25 Aug 13 - 01:40 PM

I have been following but not posting as this was another chemo week.....more later.....FIRST.....I too want to welcome back Nigel and Ann and was glad to know that perhaps their sojourn has provided some solace and peace. Nothing can ever be perfect again but we move along through life with the certain knowledge of the value of friendship and the strength we can gain through the love and compassion of those friends.

Nigel, that is a tremendous piece of work. Your craftsmanship as wordsmith wraps me in awe and sincerity pierces your work in a way which brings an oddly joyous pain. Thank you.

As for me...........This has been my best chemo week ever. I am stronger now than we started and that, combined with the port, has made this week far better than any before it. Karen Wayne, and Connie, all noticed the difference as well. I'm hoping this is a trend! My numbers are all looking better and I think I will not see the drop-off as much as before and the Aronesp will get a bigger boost. If so, we may be able to back off the Aronesp and later, slow down the chemo. No guarantees though. Of course also no transfusions since early April(I was averaging a pint every 3 days then).

I did encounter a problem on two occasions this week when I had friends asked, "How long will you need the chemo?"   I couldn't find an easy way to tell them except the truth. So when I said, "The rest of my life," there was silence and both asked what I meant. I told them exactly what it meant and tailed it with, "You play what you're dealt but be assured I'm playing this hand out as far as it goes." As this will come up occasionally I keep trying to think of something better. The thing is it could be 3 days, 3 months, 3 years, or possibly longer, which brings it back to my original idea which is, it ain't time to worry yet.

Right now things are doing better and my biggest worry is getting Mike's college paid for which may not happen but we're doing our damndest to make it work. My love to all of you and I hope your news is good too. I proudly sail upon this voyage of life with that certain knowledge of the value of friendship and the strength we can gain through the love and compassion of those friends.......all of you!



Spaw

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: billybob
Date: 24 Aug 13 - 06:17 AM

Beautiful, Nigel

Wendy xxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 08:47 PM

Great work, Nigel.

Hmm, around the 19th I tried to post something which never appeared here. (The same thing happened with a post I tried to put on another thread that same night.) The one on this thread was something like this.

I'm lighting a candle for Maeve's cake and several others for those who are dealing with health problems (their own or a loved one's) or the loss of a loved one.

I hope the seas are calm while these candles burn. I don't want to set the Rainbow ablaze.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 12:19 PM

I was not mistaken, nigel, when I predicted you would post something of meaning and interest. well composed also.       blessings   pete.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 10:05 AM

thanks, Nigel it brought tears to my eyes

sandra

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 08:13 AM

Lovely.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 23 Aug 13 - 06:29 AM

I have to begin with apologies...several PMs & emails as yet unanswered....they will be!
Where to begin...it has to be with Kat. Some months ago, in one of her many, loving, comforting posts, she made reference to Avalon. A little reading around the Arthurian Legends revealed just how perfect that reference was for Ann & I & as so often happens when my emotions are threatening to overwhelm me, I turned to poetry. What follows was begun when Jane was still alive, but not completed until after her death. I would like to dedicate it to Jane, Kat & her belovéd husband.
                  
                                 'Shall we Meet in Avalon?'

And shall we meet in Avalon, or does our journey voyage on
To places never, ever seen where only those who've passed have been?
At journey's end, what will we find, comfort for the tortured mind?
Respite for the restless soul, with passing time, will we be whole?
Shall we be whole to laugh again, despite the anguish, tears & pain?
Shall we be whole to smile & say: "It's time, tomorrow is another day?"
Another day, a different course, (Death's trade winds blew with awful force.)
Our future waits, as yet unknown, but we are two, we're not alone.
The Love we share that binds us tight, enhanced by Friend's illumined light.
Wisdom, Care, Compassion, Healing as breakers struck & left us reeling.
Calmer waters now surround, recedes the risk to run aground.
This voyage complete, we sail again, more mindful now of other's pain.
More mindful now of what we've lost and how to bear & count the cost.
                                                                                             
                                                                           (March-August 2013)

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 22 Aug 13 - 07:49 PM

VTam... sorry ta hear you are of the giant right foot. I hope it gets sorted.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Aug 13 - 02:33 PM

Hi peeps. I am still lurking.

Welcome back Nige and Ann. Sorry it is to sad news.

Here's hoping for smooth sailing for all on board Jane's Rainbow.

Signed Tam of the giant right foot.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: gnu
Date: 21 Aug 13 - 07:58 PM

Just learned of kat? Gosh! Didn't realize you had been away that long. I guess it just seems to me that you are here in spirit every day. I know I think of "you" every time I check this thread.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link
Date: 21 Aug 13 - 04:44 PM

thirded!.
i'm sure you will have something interesting and meaningful to post.
blessings   pete.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: billybob
Date: 21 Aug 13 - 04:30 PM

Welcome back Nigel and Ann

We have missed you but hope your visit to Greece was wonderful and restful and healing
much love

Wendy and Billy xxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: maeve
Date: 21 Aug 13 - 08:18 AM

Welcome home, Nigel and Ann. Your presence is warmly welcomed.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Nigel Paterson
Date: 21 Aug 13 - 03:14 AM

Ann & I have returned from a long stay with Family & Friends in Greece. Will write again soon. Got to get some sleep first...long journey....remote island....etc, etc.. Absolutely devastated to read of Kat's death. Will have much more to say after a good night's/day's, sleep.
            Very glad to be back on board,
                                                          Love, Hugs & Kisses to All,
                                                                                                   Nigel & Ann.
                                                                                                   xxxxxxxxxx

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: maeve
Date: 20 Aug 13 - 09:12 PM

Pete and Dan- Thanks for checking in. And Dan- we too, you.

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 20 Aug 13 - 12:18 PM

just wanted to say how much I love you people

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 20 Aug 13 - 11:25 AM

Just checking in...

Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 20 Aug 13 - 09:43 AM

wiki has it correct, ChanteyLass - the Green bans saved a lot of Sydney & the world when the ideas spread.

Jack Mundey head of the BLF was a friend of John's

Across the Western Suburbs- by Denis Kevans & Seamus Gill, © 1973

Happy (recent) birthday maeve

good wishes to Max & everyone who might be needing support & comfort

sandra