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Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter

VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 04:43 AM
Richard Bridge 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM
Joybell 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM
wysiwyg 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 04:58 AM
Sandra in Sydney 12 May 09 - 05:00 AM
Catherine Jayne 12 May 09 - 05:33 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 06:59 AM
Crow Sister (off with the fairies) 12 May 09 - 07:09 AM
LilyFestre 12 May 09 - 07:15 AM
Beer 12 May 09 - 07:16 AM
Ruth Archer 12 May 09 - 07:18 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 08:13 AM
Azizi 12 May 09 - 08:14 AM
Richard Bridge 12 May 09 - 08:53 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 09:01 AM
Big Mick 12 May 09 - 09:57 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 10:16 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 10:23 AM
katlaughing 12 May 09 - 10:30 AM
Ebbie 12 May 09 - 10:31 AM
wysiwyg 12 May 09 - 10:39 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 10:41 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 11:06 AM
Catherine Jayne 12 May 09 - 11:12 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 11:17 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 11:26 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 11:32 AM
wysiwyg 12 May 09 - 11:33 AM
LilyFestre 12 May 09 - 11:47 AM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 02:52 PM
VirginiaTam 12 May 09 - 05:22 PM
wysiwyg 12 May 09 - 08:31 PM
VirginiaTam 13 May 09 - 04:03 AM
VirginiaTam 13 May 09 - 04:44 AM
ranger1 13 May 09 - 09:03 AM
wysiwyg 13 May 09 - 11:09 AM
VirginiaTam 13 May 09 - 11:42 AM
Sandra in Sydney 13 May 09 - 12:26 PM
katlaughing 13 May 09 - 12:55 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 13 May 09 - 02:11 PM
gnu 13 May 09 - 02:16 PM
Maryrrf 13 May 09 - 02:23 PM
VirginiaTam 13 May 09 - 02:41 PM
wysiwyg 13 May 09 - 02:46 PM
katlaughing 13 May 09 - 02:48 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 13 May 09 - 03:27 PM
VirginiaTam 13 May 09 - 03:50 PM
VirginiaTam 13 May 09 - 03:58 PM
wysiwyg 13 May 09 - 06:03 PM
Spleen Cringe 13 May 09 - 06:43 PM
Peace 13 May 09 - 09:48 PM
VirginiaTam 14 May 09 - 02:56 AM
Lizzie Cornish 1 14 May 09 - 03:26 AM
Barry Finn 14 May 09 - 03:48 AM
wysiwyg 14 May 09 - 07:32 AM
jacqui.c 14 May 09 - 08:06 AM
wysiwyg 14 May 09 - 08:37 AM
VirginiaTam 14 May 09 - 11:57 AM
Sue the Borderer 14 May 09 - 08:36 PM
wysiwyg 15 May 09 - 04:31 PM
VirginiaTam 16 May 09 - 08:43 AM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 16 May 09 - 08:59 AM
VirginiaTam 16 May 09 - 10:50 AM
Lonesome EJ 16 May 09 - 01:44 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 16 May 09 - 01:51 PM
VirginiaTam 16 May 09 - 03:55 PM
katlaughing 16 May 09 - 04:47 PM
VirginiaTam 16 May 09 - 05:21 PM
katlaughing 16 May 09 - 10:51 PM
Sandra in Sydney 16 May 09 - 11:17 PM
VirginiaTam 17 May 09 - 06:18 AM
wysiwyg 17 May 09 - 07:01 AM
VirginiaTam 17 May 09 - 07:17 AM
wysiwyg 17 May 09 - 09:01 AM
Lizzie Cornish 1 17 May 09 - 09:53 AM
VirginiaTam 18 May 09 - 04:21 PM
wysiwyg 18 May 09 - 04:35 PM
Barbara 18 May 09 - 09:40 PM
wysiwyg 18 May 09 - 10:21 PM
VirginiaTam 19 May 09 - 02:48 AM
romany man 19 May 09 - 09:14 AM
VirginiaTam 20 May 09 - 03:06 PM
VirginiaTam 20 May 09 - 03:53 PM
VirginiaTam 25 May 09 - 11:28 AM
wysiwyg 25 May 09 - 11:39 AM
VirginiaTam 25 May 09 - 05:17 PM
olddude 26 May 09 - 10:03 AM
wysiwyg 27 May 09 - 11:33 AM
billybob 27 May 09 - 11:45 AM
VirginiaTam 28 May 09 - 01:56 AM
GUEST,.gargoyle 28 May 09 - 02:34 AM
Barbara 28 May 09 - 03:33 AM
VirginiaTam 28 May 09 - 03:19 PM
wysiwyg 28 May 09 - 03:37 PM
Barbara 28 May 09 - 04:06 PM
GUEST,.gargoyle 29 May 09 - 02:05 PM
Pistachio 29 May 09 - 09:02 PM
VirginiaTam 30 May 09 - 05:21 AM
VirginiaTam 30 May 09 - 06:35 AM
wysiwyg 30 May 09 - 06:51 AM
VirginiaTam 30 May 09 - 10:49 AM
wysiwyg 30 May 09 - 12:15 PM
VirginiaTam 30 May 09 - 02:12 PM
VirginiaTam 31 May 09 - 05:12 AM
wysiwyg 31 May 09 - 09:34 AM
GUEST,Garden of Solace 01 Jun 09 - 05:03 AM
VirginiaTam 01 Jun 09 - 01:28 PM
olddude 01 Jun 09 - 09:46 PM
GUEST,Phillip Cazares 02 Jun 09 - 05:26 AM
GUEST,William S 04 Jun 09 - 12:11 AM
VirginiaTam 05 Jun 09 - 12:56 PM
wysiwyg 05 Jun 09 - 03:07 PM
VirginiaTam 05 Jun 09 - 04:39 PM
VirginiaTam 07 Jun 09 - 04:56 AM
Pistachio 07 Jun 09 - 07:07 PM
VirginiaTam 08 Jun 09 - 02:41 AM
GUEST,William S 08 Jun 09 - 05:36 AM
VirginiaTam 08 Jun 09 - 02:13 PM
wysiwyg 08 Jun 09 - 02:34 PM
VirginiaTam 08 Jun 09 - 03:07 PM
wysiwyg 08 Jun 09 - 04:26 PM
Lizzie Cornish 1 08 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM
VirginiaTam 08 Jun 09 - 05:21 PM
wysiwyg 08 Jun 09 - 05:49 PM
GUEST,Emily 09 Jun 09 - 07:32 AM
VirginiaTam 10 Jul 09 - 04:58 PM
VirginiaTam 19 Aug 09 - 02:29 AM
Pistachio 19 Aug 09 - 07:42 AM
My guru always said 19 Aug 09 - 07:54 AM
sing4peace 23 Sep 09 - 05:13 PM
VirginiaTam 22 Oct 09 - 04:32 PM
fat B****rd 22 Oct 09 - 04:44 PM
VirginiaTam 08 Feb 10 - 04:38 PM
Bonnie Shaljean 08 Feb 10 - 05:01 PM
wysiwyg 08 Feb 10 - 05:40 PM
My guru always said 08 Feb 10 - 05:42 PM
LilyFestre 08 Feb 10 - 05:46 PM
Pistachio 09 Feb 10 - 01:43 PM
Janie 09 Feb 10 - 01:57 PM
maeve 09 Feb 10 - 02:08 PM
VirginiaTam 14 Feb 10 - 08:46 AM
VirginiaTam 14 Feb 10 - 08:51 AM
VirginiaTam 14 Feb 10 - 09:15 AM
VirginiaTam 14 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM
wysiwyg 14 Feb 10 - 09:20 AM
VirginiaTam 14 Feb 10 - 09:21 AM
VirginiaTam 14 Feb 10 - 09:33 AM
AllisonA(Animaterra) 14 Feb 10 - 10:01 AM
wysiwyg 14 Feb 10 - 11:46 AM
olddude 14 Feb 10 - 12:16 PM
VirginiaTam 14 Feb 10 - 01:49 PM
wysiwyg 14 Feb 10 - 03:31 PM
VirginiaTam 15 Feb 10 - 02:51 AM
wysiwyg 15 Feb 10 - 10:22 AM
olddude 15 Feb 10 - 10:27 AM
VirginiaTam 16 Feb 10 - 03:16 PM
olddude 16 Feb 10 - 05:33 PM
VirginiaTam 16 Mar 10 - 03:40 PM
VirginiaTam 16 Mar 10 - 03:46 PM
wysiwyg 16 Mar 10 - 04:05 PM
VirginiaTam 22 Mar 10 - 03:40 AM
Crow Sister (off with the fairies) 22 Mar 10 - 05:38 AM
wysiwyg 22 Mar 10 - 05:45 AM
VirginiaTam 22 Mar 10 - 03:18 PM
gnu 22 Mar 10 - 03:33 PM
SINSULL 22 Mar 10 - 03:54 PM
Crow Sister (off with the fairies) 22 Mar 10 - 05:41 PM
Joe Offer 23 Mar 10 - 02:03 AM
VirginiaTam 24 Mar 10 - 03:31 AM
VirginiaTam 28 Apr 10 - 04:48 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 28 Apr 10 - 05:13 AM
olddude 28 Apr 10 - 08:43 AM
wysiwyg 28 Apr 10 - 11:16 AM
Ebbie 28 Apr 10 - 12:08 PM
LilyFestre 28 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM
VirginiaTam 28 Apr 10 - 02:21 PM
Herga Kitty 28 Apr 10 - 02:33 PM
VirginiaTam 28 Apr 10 - 05:03 PM
Ebbie 29 Apr 10 - 11:31 AM
VirginiaTam 09 May 10 - 03:13 PM
wysiwyg 09 May 10 - 07:10 PM
VirginiaTam 10 May 10 - 01:12 PM
VirginiaTam 12 May 10 - 07:05 AM
Bonnie Shaljean 12 May 10 - 07:59 AM
wysiwyg 12 May 10 - 10:16 AM
VirginiaTam 25 Apr 11 - 03:10 PM
gnu 25 Apr 11 - 03:15 PM
ChanteyLass 26 Apr 11 - 12:00 AM
Lizzie Cornish 1 26 Apr 11 - 04:36 AM
wysiwyg 27 Apr 11 - 03:53 PM
VirginiaTam 28 Apr 11 - 08:21 AM
Lizzie Cornish 1 28 Apr 11 - 08:24 AM
ranger1 28 Apr 11 - 12:21 PM
VirginiaTam 03 May 11 - 02:30 AM
VirginiaTam 08 May 11 - 04:53 PM
VirginiaTam 12 May 11 - 01:11 PM
LilyFestre 12 May 11 - 01:15 PM
VirginiaTam 04 Nov 11 - 09:27 AM
Janie 04 Nov 11 - 07:02 PM
gnu 04 Nov 11 - 07:04 PM
ChanteyLass 04 Nov 11 - 10:59 PM
Dave the Gnome 05 Nov 11 - 11:14 AM
VirginiaTam 27 Apr 12 - 05:31 AM
maeve 27 Apr 12 - 05:51 AM
Ebbie 27 Apr 12 - 10:32 AM
fat B****rd 27 Apr 12 - 04:19 PM
ChanteyLass 27 Apr 12 - 10:40 PM
wysiwyg 28 Apr 12 - 11:57 AM
gnu 28 Apr 12 - 12:40 PM
VirginiaTam 30 Apr 12 - 04:18 AM
GUEST,CS 30 Apr 12 - 05:52 AM
GUEST,CS 30 Apr 12 - 05:57 AM
VirginiaTam 26 Aug 14 - 06:34 AM
VirginiaTam 26 Aug 14 - 07:05 AM
wysiwyg 26 Aug 14 - 10:08 AM
fat B****rd 26 Aug 14 - 12:18 PM
Sandra in Sydney 27 Aug 14 - 10:08 PM
ChanteyLass 28 Aug 14 - 03:36 PM
GUEST,Surprised 30 Jul 15 - 01:22 PM
maeve 30 Jul 15 - 05:00 PM
Bonnie Shaljean 30 Jul 15 - 06:40 PM
maeve 30 Jul 15 - 06:55 PM
VirginiaTam 01 Aug 15 - 08:48 AM
maeve 01 Aug 15 - 09:14 AM
VirginiaTam 01 Aug 15 - 09:25 AM
VirginiaTam 29 Oct 17 - 10:31 AM
Stilly River Sage 29 Oct 17 - 10:42 AM
fat B****rd 29 Oct 17 - 02:59 PM
Sandra in Sydney 29 Oct 17 - 05:29 PM
ranger1 29 Oct 17 - 08:42 PM
ChanteyLass 29 Oct 17 - 09:02 PM
keberoxu 30 Oct 17 - 02:44 PM
LilyFestre 01 Nov 17 - 08:24 PM
leeneia 04 Nov 17 - 09:41 AM
VirginiaTam 05 Nov 17 - 03:08 AM
Sandra in Sydney 05 Nov 17 - 06:04 PM
Janie 06 Nov 17 - 12:38 AM
keberoxu 07 Nov 17 - 02:47 PM
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Subject: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:43 AM

I know perhaps I should have put this thread in the non music section, but it seemed wrong as my daughter was all about music. From 10 months on.

Please moderator let her stay in the music section.

I have mentioned to several of you that I still want to share my daughter Andie (12 May 1981 - 28 April 2005) with people. I want others to know her.   I have been advised by some lovely Catters that I should start a Happy Birthday and memoriam thread to my Daughter Andie.

So I have. But I am going to start it with an introduction to Andie penned by herself.

I lifted this bit Andie put on the Piper Doon fan site. The band self-described as playing trad music with a twist band at the W.B Yeatts Pub in Chapel Hill North Carolina. (Andie's stage name when she was with Piper Doon was Francesca Zee a corruption of her Medieval SCA persona Francesca "Cesca" Zancani)

A letter from Francesca Zee .... Hello there all you lovely people!

It's been great to see all of your smiling faces at our sold-out international shows. It's great to have so much support from wonderful fans like you!

Keep being wonderful and be sure that you buy our CD when it comes out!!!!!

Permanant Features
Name: Andrea Robbins
Born: 5/12/1981
Height: Short and getting shorter as we speak.
Eye/Hair Color: Eyes Blue and Hair changes more often then the months on the calendar.

Best piece of advice: Don't Quit Your Day Job

Area of Residence: Where ever someone will take pity on me.
Occupation: General nuisance and shiftless layabout.

Fun Facts
Instruments Played: Voice Box
Talent: Official Organizational Girl
Inspiration: My parents, Bardic Laurels, Susan Juroff, and the Power Puff Girls.
Phobias: Hieghts, Falling, Being COMPLETELY alone outside after dark.
Sexual Preferences: Any with extra points given for creativity, artistic talent, and technique. Apply at the bar.


Picture of Piper Doon in front of WB Yeats Pub


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM

She sounds an admirable person. Think of the good memories. I find that, time and again, I come in my mind back to the ways in which I failed Jacqui. Try not to let yourself do the equivalent - if there are any equivalents.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Joybell
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM

Thank you for sharing her with us, Virginia. Thinking of you at this time.
Joy


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:53 AM

Thank you. I have a lot in common with her. More later... please, keep going. As you are able.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 04:58 AM

Now a bit from me.

Andie's musicality started when she began imitating scales and notes "perfectly" at 10 months old. Maybe before that as she would kick her feet in rhythm to any song on the radio when she was about 5 months.

She could sing whole songs before she learned to string words together to make a comprehensible sentence. At 2 years old Santa Lucia was no problem for her. Well except pronouncing the letter "L".

By the time she was 7 she was picking up harmonies. By 9 she was creating her own. At 9 she won the part of the Fairy God Mother in the Disney Cinderella put on by her primary school. The only solo song in the play and usually reserved for older students. At 10 she won a scholarship to summer camp by singing Wouldn't It Be Luverly (a capella with cheesy cockney accent) in a Fluvanna schools talent competion. She was competing against teenage rockers (and pretty good ones at that).

When she entered high school she auditioned for and was placed in the older students choir. Wone many solo parts through the years. At 15 she won a place in the distric choir and 17 won best gospel soloist in a samll school chor at the Virginia Beach Fiestival (a high school choir competion for schools up and down the Eastern Seaboard). The trophy was huge but I think the smile on her face was bigger.

In high school Andie joined the Medieval Society for Creative Anachronists and later became apprentice to a bard. This is where she got turned on to traditional music.

I am going to stop this installment of remembering Andie's musicality, because I need to bolt to an appointment.

More later.

Thank for letting me remember her to any who read here.

Tam


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:00 AM

thanks for posting her post & letting us get to know her

sandra (hugs to you)


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:33 AM

Thank you for posting about Andie and posting your memories

Love

Khatt x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 06:59 AM

Richard,

There are equivalents. I try not to, but it is useless. I failed her mostly by moving to the UK and not moving back home look after her a year later when I saw how thin she had become.
A stupid selfishness on my part, I can never forgive. Knowing that Andie would not want me to blame myself matters not a bit. I do and always will, but I don't let it eat me alive anymore as it did.

Thanks Susan and Katlaughing and others for encouraging me to do this.

Back to Andie and her music.

Andie was also nominated for Virginia Governor School Prgramm.

What a strange mixed adventure that was.   I think she was the first from the Fluvanna School to actually audtion for the vocal performance side. She had to do a Classical piece sebben crudele. ( Not Andie's voice, though I do have a VHS of her singing this.)

Also required to perform a popular piece, this is where my girl shows her quirky uniqueness. Where all the other girls dressed in glittering performance gowns were singing Memory from Cats or I Dreamed a Dream from Les Mis, Andie dressed as holey jeans and a boho top and sang Frank Mills from Hair, which put the two male judges in shock. The one female judge clearly loved it.

Andie made alternate.

I can't count the number of times, she was stopped and photographed by total strangers. When they heard her sing and she was always singing (walking through town, waiting in queue at theme parks and cinima, wherever. They just knew she was going to be famous someday and they wanted proof they saw her perform.

She applied, auditioned for and won small music scholarship to Longwood University where she studied vocal performance and communications with a focus on music public relations. She was determined to learn the ins and outs of self promotion. She left school with only 3 courses (2 general eds) to complete, because of her illness.

Enough for now. I need to do something else for distraction.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:09 AM

Hugs to you... x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:15 AM

VT,

   SWEET!!!! On the birthday of my best friend, who passed when he was 31 years old, I like to spend the day doing something I know we would have loved to do together as a sort of an ongoing memorial. Tears and joy are both ok!!!!!!!

Namaste,

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Beer
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:16 AM

Thank you for sharing and may you find peace.
Adrien


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Ruth Archer
Date: 12 May 09 - 07:18 AM

xxx


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:13 AM

One more thing... she was banned from performing at Longwood's Got Talent competions because she won too many times.

She was quite proud of that in a cute, pouty kind of way.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Azizi
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:14 AM

There are no words. But I want you to know that I feel for & with you.

Positive vibrations,

Azizi


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:53 AM

I am sorry VT, I did not wish to open wounds.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 09:01 AM

You didn't, Hon. They are there and I am coping with them much better than I did this time last year or indeed any year since her passing.

The only cut on my arm is one I got by acccidently bashing into door handle last night. That is progres.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Big Mick
Date: 12 May 09 - 09:57 AM

Having come very close to losing my own extraordinary kid, my heart just aches for you, my dear. I remember the shear terror at the thought, the unfathomable hurt at the loss of my surrogate daughter, and the questioning, doubt and blame I put on myself for not doing some things that might have saved us all the grief.

But I must tell you that I find your unflinching way of dealing with the pain and guilt to be inspirational. I have, since you came to Mudcat, enjoyed your posts and views. I now add "admiration and inspiration" to enjoyment. You are special, and that is why your extraordinary girl was special. We are not in command of the fates, just how we deal with the fates. You are in the fight, and I am rooting for you. In fact, I am laying odds that you will deal with this, with sadness, but better than most.

In your corner,

Mick


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:16 AM

I wanted to add here what others have said about Andie. But I don't have the ??? to watch the video made at her service. Many friends came up and said the lovliest things about how she lifted them up, helped them feel better about themselves, brought them out of shell.

No one was alone in Andie's presence. She just would let you be.

some pictures instead...

Andie 21 years old
Role play game card made for her after she passed away


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:23 AM

I found this email sent to me from one of her SCA friends. I removed his surname to protect his crusty image.

Evening Tamara,

I wanted to speak with you but could not muster the courage or the emotional fortitude to do so. For that I apologize but being her mom I feel that you understand.

Francesca and I had a very quiet, deep, and private friendship. To look at us you would never expect it which was a big part of the fun with us. This small beautiful young songbird and a weathered crusty leathersmith....odd combination but we fit well with each other. I always called her my brat for her relentless teasing and pestering of me which she took great pride in doing not to mention carrying that title...*smiles*

I am a very quiet and closed person when dealing with the public at general. I have a fair amount of acquaintances but just a hand full of friends. Your daughter was one of those friends, when we first met she was hesitant to speak to me at all. I have a rather gruff demeanor and air about me which I will honestly say I use to my advantage in keeping people at a distance. She was not fooled though, she walked through my walls to my heart like she was taking a stroll in a garden. Once there she sat down, made herself home and dared me to kick her out...whichI couldn't or wouldn't do.

She gave me such light in my own dark moods, we always sought each other out at events or at the parties we had at Bryce's or Balynar's. She always had either that warm generous smile or that impish grin depending on her mood or intent for me. We used to hug alot for the warmth of a fellow understanding heart and the unconditional love we held for each other. At an event in North Carolina back in 2003 we were sitting at my booth selling my leatherwares and bantering back and forth like we usually did. We were like fire and gasoline most times...each taking on the role that best suited us at the moment...sometimes she would be the fire (instigator) and me the gasoline....*grins* Well we were sitting there trading jokes at each others extent ignoring the customers when we hear a young girl ask a question that we missed in our bantering. When I apologize to the young girl and ask her to repeat the question she said 'Oh no problem, I was gonna wait until you were done arguing with your daughter.... *laughs*.... Andie laughed so hard she fell off the stump she was sitting on which made her erupt into deeper laughs and snorting. She laughed so hard because she was 21 and I was 35 at the time.

She protected me from myself when my hot Irish temper would get the best of me. One of very few people that could deflate me with a smile or by just looking at me and saying Erindahl!! She would sit with me at the parties or gatherings at events and Pennsic because she new i hated crowds and dislikedbeing around so many people I didn't know. She would come and sit next to me, lace her hand in the crook of my elbow, put her head on my shoulder and quietly sing to me quelling my moods and anxiety...*smiles*

She had such a turbulent stormy heart that she hid from alot of people but she let me see it and I tried to always be a shoulder for her to rant on or just rest. She gave out so much Light to people without a thought or even realizing she did so I think. She gave it out so nonchalantly like a person would give another a glass of water. The generosity in which she touched others and gave of herself knew no bounds. Oh but her temper...*laughs* did she ever have a temper. She would come up to me and ask me 'Erindahl, would you beat up someone for me?' Even knowing she was joking I would stand up and she would say something like....'I was just kidding!! really! I forgot who I was talking too' There was nothing I would not do for her and I can take comfort that she knew that. Our hearts were very similar in that they were of the Arts.....those hers was of sound and mine was of the hand we looked at things and life in very much the same way.

She touched my life in so many ways, I just wanted you to know a little of our relationship. I cherished our time together as we lived it and I cherish it now that it is a gift I will have forever. A part of her light I will always carry inside to keep me from going too far astray in my own personal shadows. I loved her dearly and always will....just knowing that in this often screwed up, sometimes dark, and ugly world a person like her existed. And I was lucky enough and blessed to have her share some years with me.

Life to you,

Darren N (surname removed for this post)
(Erindahl - SCA persona)


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:30 AM

VTam, thanks for going ahead with this thread. I have wanted to ask and learn more, but didn't want to bring up too much sadness. We have a tradition at Mudcat of sharing our joys and sorrows. We have been through tremendous times of both. May the sharing of both help you along your way. Andie sounds like a really neat and talented young woman.

kat


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:31 AM

A star blazing across the sky leaving behind the memory of a remarkable experience. Count yourself fortunate that you were chosen to be so close to her. {{{{hug}}}}


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:39 AM

Might want to delete the SCA name above..... they are often "unique."

===

VT, I just want you to know that what you are sharing is, at least for me, not just a support to you in your healing. Of course I want that too, but right now I just want ANDIE, through you. Build the memorial as tall and wide and colorful as it's supposed to be, from whatever instinct led you to offer it, OK? Then it will be what it is supposed to be.

And in whatever order it comes to you.... and remember that anything here will still be here when its time comes, when its use may change for you. You'll be able to time-travel, right here through this thread.


Do her proud (as you are).

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 10:41 AM

more pics

with her glasses on she looks like the Andie I knew - though much thinner

her fav name for me was "goober" - this pic shows what one looks like

the impish expression - so very her... some trouble being cooked up


Thank you Mick and others. This feels very cathartic. Even though I am crying through a lot of it, it is good, purifying, somehow.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:06 AM

Some messages left on the Funeral Home memorial page

I was lucky enough to have Andie as my big brother in Alpha Phi Omega. She welcomed me in, supported me throughout and was a great inspiration to me, always. She taught me so much in the few years I knew her. Her confidence always amazed me, especially when she could capture an audience singing. She was great at accepting all sorts of people and making friends anywhere.
My heartfelt condolences go out to her family and friends. She was a blessing in my life and will be missed.
In love and light,
Sarah B

Andie has a very special place in my heart. She was a friend and an APO Brother, we shared the same Pig Family. She had plans to make it big as a singer and we all believed one day we would be buying her CDs. She loved life, and she always wanted to share time with everyone she met. I can't even begin to imagine how many people she touched just at Longwood, she was one of the few people everyone on campus seemed to know. She also loved her family, and the last photos I will ever have of her are from her trip to England to see her mom. Oh the stories that have been told about her would fill a book, and everyone is missing her greatly and wishing they could have just 10 more minutes with her, and her smile.
Jenn H

I was so sorry to hear of Andie's passing. She was a super sweet girl that always made me smile. I went to college with her. She was my sister in Sigma Alpha Iota. My prayers will be with her family as they grieve her loss. Ahe will be greatly missed.
Love and Blessings,
Crystal T

Andie was an amazing APO brother and made me feel welcomed and loved. She made me feel special and I will miss her so much. Andie you will be missed and I wish I had taken the extra moment on Spring Weekend to stop and have a real conversation with you. My sympathies to her family and other friends.
Omega love and all mine,
Melissa F

Andie was a bright light in the darkness, a sweet voice that brought beauty to all that heard. She will be missed by all she touched... I was lucky enough to call her a friend.
My heartfelt sympathies to her family.
Chris K

I went to school with Andie and as others have mentioned loved hearing her sing and watching her act. She will be missed by many.
Sandy B

Andrea dated my son Patrick for awhile, and they remained friends. She will be missed by all of my family. My thoughts and prayers go out to Andrea's family and friends.
Sharon A

(Sharon still reminds me how she heard Andie's voice singing like an angel when she was taking chemo - this before Andie passed away and her son Patrick is the one who made the Role Play card)

Our hearts go out to all of you. How hard it is to lose such a beautiful and sparkling soul! Always smiling and cheerful, very loving...she was always welcome in our home. She will be enormously missed by our children and so very many of their friends. We can't possibly express how sad we are to lose such a lovely young lady as Andy. And, what a beautiful voice! (We love you, sweetheart...we will miss you terribly...)
Barbara, John, Geoff, Jenn and Shelley V



There was an SCA memorial site but the link is broken and I cannot find it.


Re the SCA name above I already removed identifying bits of his name. Thanks Susan.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Catherine Jayne
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:12 AM

From what you have posted and the comments from others Andie was a much loved, admired and talented young woman. Thank you for posting the photos, it's nice to put a face to the description and memories


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:17 AM

Song written by Andie when she was about 14 or 15. It was long lost, until friend found the lyrics and made a recording as near to the original melody as she could remember. (thank you Samantha). When Chris gets home I will ask him to rip the song from the CD and I will post up a link.

The Candle
By Francesca Zancani (Andie Robbins)

When you have no hope for tomorrow
And the tears do overflow
I will trade my joy for your sorrow
I will not ever let you go

When the dark is all around you
I won't run away in the night
I'll be there my love will surround you
My candle keeps burning bright

When Death's icy glare has found you
and you fear that you might fall
I am there, I'm all around you
I'm a light shining through it all

I nurture your dreams of a new day
You will stretch your wings to the sky
And as I've known from the begining
You will leave when you can fly

I still love you though you have left me
My candle keeps burning bright
You forsook me, you bereft me
You ran away in the night

I have not been able to find any of the other songs she wrote. I do remember they were very Tori Amos -like.


There is also a song or 2 written about Andie after her passing, but I cannot find them either.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:26 AM

found one of those songs


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:32 AM

This song was song written by the same lady as did the one above. Though this not written for Andie it was one of her favorites and was sung by her Bard at her service.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:33 AM

Ya know, she comes through SO CLEARLY in all you are posting, VT.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 May 09 - 11:47 AM

Wow. Just wow. And even though cyber hugs don't really cut it, I'm sending you the biggest one I
can muster ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 02:52 PM

Well I found the courage to listen to the CD my brother copied from an old audio cassette of me and girls singing.

This Wouldn't it be Luverly is Andie at 10 years old.

The site I uploaded the file to requires a verification code to play the file. It will be displayed, just copy it into the little window beside. I guess to stop spammers.


Hope this works.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 09 - 05:22 PM

God!

I forgot to say


Happy Birthday, my DollBaby!


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 09 - 08:31 PM

That's odd, I'm hearing it quite clearly and beautifully said, VT. :~)

(((VT)))

^^^Andie Manynames^^^

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 04:03 AM

Andie and her hair. She was obsessed with it. Too limp, too thin, and the big one TOO COLORLESS.

There is a picture of me holding a 4 month old Andie on my lap, my thumb and forefinger pinched together about 3 inches above her little bald head. One solitary blonde hair. I used to call her my little Zed (They have one hair upon thier heads... from the book One Fish Two Fish). I had forgotten that until now. It seems a bit fortuitous? that she took the name of Zee as a stage name.

Andie was white blonde throughout her preteen years. When she was nearly 6 I did something she still had not forgiven me for when she was an adult. I found locks of blonde hair on the bathroom floor and I was so certain it was Andies. It appeared too light to be her baby sister's (on the head Hilary's hair was very slightly darker than Andie's) besides a near 3 year old would not be able to manage scissors and Andie was smitten with her paper scissors.

Never jump to conclusions. Some women may remember Flicker Razors ? Hilary had somehow reached the one in my shower (god only knows how) and combed her hair with it. it was her hair on the floor of the bathroom.

Poor Andie, Ihad warned her when she was playing around with the paper scissors once that I would cut her hair short if she cut her hair. Well I did. Her waist length hair cut to her shoulders. She was so angry. I think mostly because I didn't beleive her. Hilary's hair still being quite uneven shaggy and baby fine you couldn't tell she had cut it. I have to say and I reminded Andie of this everytime she brought the unfortunate incident up, that cutting it had helped it to thicken up. i didn't need to cornrow plait it after every washing in order to make it look fuller when brushed out.

Getting curl or wavei in to it was another matter altogether. That didn't happen until her mid teens a very soft loose wave which she hated more than straight. Some women! You just can't please them.

the COLOR (I use caps because this was Andie's biggest gripe).

It was naturally a gorgeous bleached wheat blonde. She called it beige and said it made her look beige. When she was 7 she had a little nightie with small girl complaining "But Mom, ALL my friend have green hair." I should never have given her that.

GREEN
Andie's first adventure in hair colouring was when she was 13, green koolaid and vinegar on her blonde hair. And my god it worked. You could really only see it in the sunlight but what a shock. At the time she was enrolled in a fundamental baptist school. They were not happy. But I could not get the stuff out and I refused to use real hair colour on her, so they had to live with it until it washed out.

PINK
One halloween Andie 17, (by this time I had given up trying to cointrol what she did to her hair), Andie had a small tumble down the stairs while carrying a bottle of HOT PINK Manic Panic hair colouring. It comes out of the bottle looking quite red. And it was on the stairs, on my oatmeal brown living room carpet on the walls. We had to hang picture over the stain on the wall. We lived in log cabin where the walls were made of.... you guessed it.... wood.

So the scene is me mopping up and swearing somewhere south of a sailor's profanity repertoire, Andie is mopping up and crying about the wasted hair dye, and Hilary (13) bless her non chalantly walks in and says (dead pan as you like) "That's funny, the blood usually gets off at the 2nd floor."   Well we all started laughing then.

CLEAR
Andie wanted clear hair. She thought that would be the coolest thing and not done by anyone. I told her that clear hair = NO hair. Then I told her to design a fibre optic wig and she could have it any colour at any time, including clear. That brought forth some comment about my being silly. Me? Silly? whowants clear hair?

Andie almost got her wish, re CLEAR hair but only as I described it. I came home one Sunday from church to be greeted by my lovely daughter homefrom university at the door. Her hair was wet and gooey. She was crying pannicking. Too many chemicals had started melting her hair. Too soon after a permanent, she had dyed black and then was trying to bleach it. All within a couple of weeks of each other.

I filled kitchen sink with cold water and dunked her head under, drained the sink and repeated umpteen times. How do you baptise a silly 18 year old? Do you dunk em once, do you dunk twice or do you hold em under until they really repent?

She was a bit more careful after that. And as she had concerts a university with choirs, she was not permitted to have peculiarly coloured hair (or her face piercings -another matter).

RED
Not for the first time but certainly for the last, When she passed away her hair was red. Not naural human hair red. Kindergarten tempra paint red, Stop Sign red, Fire engine red. There were a few hairs on her SCA mantle (I buried her in her house garb) and I collected them and put them in a ziplock bag.

That is the tale of Andie's hair.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 04:44 AM

I thought Parents were supposed to embarrass the kids. It is our right and privildge, am I correct? For having it done to us by our parents? And revenge for when the kids were little and they pitched fit or related some tidbit about you that should not be made public.

Shopping
Taking my girls shopping was mixed. Andie taught Hilary how to get my goat when we did grocery shopping.

They would sing commercial jingles and reenact product adverts at me all the way through the store. Everytime we passed something they recognised they would be on either side of me, taking parts in slightly over loud voices. At the check out, Andie would poke me in the back muttering PokeMom.
(Twice since she passed I felt that poke in the back when I was engaged in conversation. The 1st time I automatically turned around and told her to stop. That freaked my colleagues and I meediately regretted it because I feared she really would stop.)
Anyway at the check out the girls would go into little scene about purchasing one or more of the 7 deadly sins " all out of lust, there is a sale on covetousness" and how it was going to be paid for - something about the immortal soul credit card. They took it in turns to be Hell's cashier.

Driving in the car
Andie and Hilary used to sing all the time in the car together. Andie doing lovely harmonies or teaching them to Hil.

On occasion though they would get into the Are We There Yet song loop. It only took me pulling over once and telling them "Now we are never going to get there or anywhere ever again, because I am not going to start this car until you agree not to sing that song at me ever again." My voice rising in pitch and dynamic. I got the promise amid giggles. I was beaten. I knew they may not use that song but something else equally annoying would come along.

And it did. Why do kids get a word stuck in holding pattern in their brains? And why does it pop out randomly? Andie's words were Concave and Cornbread pronounced in the most annoyingly musical way.
Hil's was FrootLoops pronounced with a deep gravelly monster voice. Soup Girl and Spork other favorites but I knoiw she picked up the habit from Andie.

Vacation
Every year was at some beach or other, where the boardwalk or ocean road was lined with tattoo and body piercing parlours. So every vacation was punctuated with "Can I get a tattoo or something pierced." Not one day would go by without hearing that at least once.

The answering machine. They couldn't leve it alone. Andie and Hil once recorded in dracula voices "Vee are not at home vright now. Please leave your name, number and blood type after the beep.... Muuhahahahaha"

Another time their rendition of the Banana Boat Song

Day-o de Day-o
Daylight come and we never at home
Day-o de Day-o
Daylight come and we never at home

and then something like

Don't call us when we asleep
Daylight come and we never at home
Leave your name after the beep

What are you going to do?


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: ranger1
Date: 13 May 09 - 09:03 AM

VT, I am so sorry that I will never know Andie in person. She sounds like a kindred spirit. Thank you for sharing her with us.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:09 AM

She's everywhere. A force of nature such as you describe keeps spreading itself out and around the lives of every person she touched.

I only wish I'd known her while, as a mature clergy spouse, I was sure I should dye my thin hair navy blue to match the colors that were my "work uniform" that decade and obviate the need for hats. Hardi wouldn't let me-- the only thing he's ever "forbid" me. I know she'd have helped him see the light. :~)

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 11:42 AM

Yes Susan... She very likely would have taken up your cause and needled and wheedled until you had your way.

I forgot to mention in the hair installment, that Andie used neon clothes pins (pegs) to pin her hair back and up at all sorts of weird angles. A shocker for her little rural high school, I am sure.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 13 May 09 - 12:26 PM

keep posting those memories, I've been laughing with the occasional tear.

sandra


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 May 09 - 12:55 PM

It good sharing, Vtam, thanks.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:11 PM

Tam, Tam, Tam!   

You have been spiritually beating yourself up for all these years, when your dear daughter has been wrapped tight around you, loving you all that time...never letting you go.

We are all here for an allotted time, and there is *nothing* on this earth that can change that, (Richard, you and Jacqui come into this big hug, too)

Your daughter is a very Special Spirit.

I have never believed that what we so strangely call 'death' is the end of 'life', it is but a small step into the next part of everything, much as being born is. I also believe that we are surrounded by souls who love us from the moment we take that next step, and never left alone, ever.

She was given to you and you know how blessed you were to have her, to have each other. Andie will always be yours. You will always be her mother, she will always be your daughter, and every single year from now on you should have the most glorious celebration of your Beautiful Andie's life and the love she had inside her.

What an incredible lass she sounds! :0) Her love of everything creative, there right from the start in so many things she did...She lived her life to the full and I'm sure she had a great time. You can see how many people she touched, and how deeply she touched them too. How wonderful is that? Invite them all, and let rip, Tam! Everyone can come with brightly coloured hair...A Rainbow Hair Party. :0)

Oh, to sit here and watch you unfolding, letting out that pain, and seeing it turn into such love, to actually physically see the healing beginning to happen, the love POURING out of you right now. absolute magic!   And Tam, guess what? I've also no doubts at all that your Andie is right beside you as you've been writing all of this, smiling, grinning her beautiful pixie grin, with her soul wrapped tight around her Mum once again, so happy that finally you're able to see that she's OK, that she's safe, and that she's with you and the no part of this was your fault, but just as it was all meant to be.

Andie will *always* be with you, Sweet Lady..and as Mick has said earlier, your posts, thoughts, humour and intelligence are an absolute joy and inspiration to read at times...It's brilliant to know that your Andie is so like her dear Mum.

This has to be one of the most special threads on Mudcat, because we're all witnessing something very beautiful happening here..

Happy Birthday, Andie..and a very Happy Birthday to you Tam, because this is the first year when the new Birth of Andie has started, and still you are her mother, but you're finally learning to hold her tight in a different way, learning to hold her in your heart, without guilt, without blame, only with Pure Love.

Absolute Oodles of Love coming your way. And right now, I'm off to put a sparkly flower in my hair, in honour of your Andie, because today she is SPARKLING furiously! :0)

So, Tam, this is for You and Andie, on your very, very special day....Andie's Day. ((((xxxx))))

Release


"Don't argue amongst yourselves
Because of the loss of me
I'm sitting amongst yourselves
Don't think you can't see me
Don't argue amongst yourselves
Because of the loss of me
I haven't gone anywhere
but out of my body

Reach out and you'll touch me
Make effort to speak to me
Call out and you'll hear me
Be happy for me

Don't argue amongst yourselves
Because of the loss of me
I haven't gone anywhere
but out of my body

Reach out and you'll touch me
Make effort to speak to me
Call out and you'll hear me
Be happy for me"


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: gnu
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:16 PM

Missed this. I have no words, just a few tears, mixed with sadness and joy. Thanks for sharing.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Maryrrf
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:23 PM

Thanks for sharing, VTam. I know how much these memories must mean to you and now we all feel that we know your Andie better. She sounds like a wonderful girl.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:41 PM

Oh dear, thank you all. Lizzie that Sinead song has me weeping. But in a good way.

I just remembered another hair story. When Andie's hair was green she bunched it all up on top of her head and curled it with my mini curling iron. She was bopping through the house with what looked alamingly like a stalk of broccoli bobbling on her head.

Our cat, Squeaky went a bit mental, hissing and growling at the alien thing attacking Andie. Andie came up with a song - "Run kitty run, Run from wicked broccoli" done in operatic voice.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:46 PM

[snerksnortgiggle]

I later came to think the blue hair wasn't needed (and I changed colors), but the next time I get forbidden anything, by anyone, I hope I remember to think of Andie and the fun we'd have had turning forbidding into encouraging! :~)

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 May 09 - 02:48 PM

This has been a poignant read for me the past twenty-four hours. My Rog and I lost a best friend, unexpectedly yesterday morning. He was quite musical and talented, too. Thanks for sharing, VTam.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 13 May 09 - 03:27 PM

Your lovely daughter is making us all chuckle, Tam. :0) Everytime I buy brocoli from now on, I'll imagine it sitting on Andie's head, and smile.

The tears heal...cry them all out, over and over...eventually they'll be replaced by smiles, warmth and even more love.

Time to let the pain go, but never your Andie, just the pain, Sweet Tam. xxx


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 03:50 PM

Andie - friend and defender.

This kid was never nervous or afraid of anyone. Rich, poor, popular, brainy, slow, damaged, whatever. Every new face whether shy, scared, smiling, aloof, or frowning was a potential friend.

Andie was overweight most of her life and she had glasses from 7 years old. One would think the combination would put her low in the playground pecking order.

Nope! She was a natural leader and nurturer. When she was 5 she looked on me as her personal secretary. One vacation, sunning beside the ppol, my 5 year old social butterfly, approaches me and says "Mom, please be sure I am back down here at the pool at 2:30 after my nap. I am meeting with Amanda and Becky." As she waved in the general direction of 2 older girls (7 or 8 year olds) at the shallow end of the pool. It was the start of many, many, chauferrings here and there and organising parties, study buddy meetings, school extra curriculars, etc. What is a Mom for after all.


In first grade I got my first call from the principal. She had bee standing in double line for the new slide on playground and behind her a little boy with learning disability kept kicking gravel up onto the back of her legs and the legs of girl next to her. Legs were bare as they were all in shorts. Andie had turned a number of times to tell the boy to stop. A teacher was holding his hand to keep him from running amok, but she was talking to another teacher and so ignoring the playground drama unfolding under her nose. Andie warned the boy one last time to stop (in a loud voice) or she would show him what it felt like. He didn't so she kicked gravel up so that it struck and stung the fronts of his legs. Naturally the teacher who was distracting the one holding the boy's hand, dragged Andie to the office and the principal called me,

Andie was livid. She made some comment about if the teachers have to hold his hand to keep him from hurting himself and others then why didn't they stop him hurtiung me and my friend?

It wasn'tlong after that she came home from school declaring that she wanted to be president of the United 'States when she grew up. I asked her why this sudden wish. She fairly growled at me... "because I HAVE to be in charge."

Later when she was about 12, I was remarking on Andie's desire to be president to a family member and she instantly corrected me. "No I don't, because you need party support to get to be president and women don't get any party support."   We are talking early 1990's here. I wondered if she figured that out all by herself or if some teacher at the fundamental baptist school she was attending then had taken her down a notch. I didn't push it. The comment was bitter in tone and I could tell she did not want to talk further on it.

Back in the public school system in high school Andie really blossomed again. She made scores of friends.   Very involved in choir, drama and medieval SCA. often leading and teaching songs to the SCA friends. One friend wrote the following on the day she learned of Andie's passing. Really tells how they thought of Andie.

THE VOICE IN THE GLEN

There's a voice in the glen
a far away valley
able to call friends together
and bring them to rally

She spoke in the language
of music and heart
was quick to direct us
each to our part

Our voices weren't hers and
we laughed all the time
but she never failed to finish
teaching us the rhyme

She loved us and taught us
and gave us her best
but a song can't stay trapped
in a body of flesh

A friend and a sister
and though we all miss her
her voice will sing on in the glen

(this is how I will always remember Andie, Stephanie M.)

Somehow I must get video of Andie in school play A Midsummer's Night Dream up with a link here. In it shows her teaching a lullaby (she wrote) to the fairies Peasebottom, et al. So sweet and funny as she would sing liltingly and ask them to sing at which they would all howl and shriek. Andie stamping her foot, yanking at her hair (hair again) crying,,, "No NO No... like this"... and the scene repeated itself again.

Though this was a planned scene in the play, it had been played out in real life when she taught her friends new songs.

I think this is enough for tonight.

I am going to shop for GOLD archive DVDs so I can get the VHS videos in a safer and more useable format. Think I may be strong enough to start looking at them now.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 13 May 09 - 03:58 PM

Oh Kat... So sorry to hear about your friend.

hugs to you and all the rest of you while I am at it.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 13 May 09 - 06:03 PM

but a song can't stay trapped
in a body of flesh


And neither can grief. It insists on finding its way out-- in tears, laughter, yawning, etc.,-- so you can release all the love she implanted in you, back out to the world-- her love for the world, fully manifest in it.

but a song can't stay trapped
in a body of flesh


That's IT, in so many ways, right there.

And that is ONE reason this is a MUSIC THREAD.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Spleen Cringe
Date: 13 May 09 - 06:43 PM

Tam. Much love and good vibes to you. x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Peace
Date: 13 May 09 - 09:48 PM

I didn't know my eyes could have that many tears, Tam.

Bruce


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 May 09 - 02:56 AM

I suppose I say something about the events leading up to her passing. I have in so many other threads. It should be here.

Andie was diagnosed with autoimmune adrenal dysfunction, when she was 21. She only started exhibiting symptoms (mainly weight loss) shortly after I left the US and moved to the UK.

She went from something like a size 26 to a size 14 when I saw her a year later. After a life time of being overweight, she was thrilled with the weight loss. I nagged and nagged. "Go to the doctor, are you anorexic, what the hell is going on?" When I saw her a few months later (the girls visit to UK) she had gone down to a loose size 10 and her normally pale (she had her father's Scottish colouring) was orange and she was so weak.

Her sister had to trick her into going to the doctor when they got back to US and that was when she was diagnosed. Once on cortisol ( the hormone replacement for what the adrenal glands were no longer producing) she started putting on weight, feeling better, though any little thing (cold, flu, injury) can tip you into danger zone again).

She didn't like the cortosol. CLaimed it changed her personality. From her Live Journal... "I don't like this new girl. She is so afraid of everyone." She also constantly griped about not having the money to keep going to doctor and to buy medicine. Her father and sister know she was rationing it. She then got the flu. The last thing her father heard from her was a muttering "Damn Loki (her boyfriend) gave me his flu. I had warned both Andie and her father that she would need to check into hospital for saline drip and cortisol injections if she ever caught cold or flu. They both thought I was over-reacting (her father said making mountaqin out of molehills as you usually do).

Andie went into shock. Her father found her dressed and curled up in the bathtub as though to take a nap, she had even pulled the curtain closed. In hospital they got her heart going 3 times and then gave up. It was asmall hospital and not equipped to deal with her condition. The ER doctor didn't even know what Addison's disease (adrenal dysfunction) was.

In the 3 weeks leading up to her death I had nightmares every night. Not specifically about Andie (dying kiteens and nameless faceless babies) but I knew it was about Andie. I was v=calling and emailing daily trying to reach her. I had to resort to calling her Bard and asking him to talk to her as she was not answering my messages.

Her last email to me was an undramatic request to please not involve and worry her friends in her business. And to please stop interfering in her life.

So... now I need to go to work. Tonight I will add soething jolly again.

love to all

Tamara


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 14 May 09 - 03:26 AM

"I was v=calling and emailing daily trying to reach her. I had to resort to calling her Bard and asking him to talk to her as she was not answering my messages."


She's answering your messages now, Tam...and every answer from here on in will be filled with love. You keep on sending those messages out to her, she'll hear them, have no fear.

You've been in a dark place for a long time, but now Andie's helping you back, out into the sunshine again.

Have a good day at work and I'm really looking forward to seeing your video of Andie if you manage to get it loaded up.

Lizzie :0) x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barry Finn
Date: 14 May 09 - 03:48 AM

Virginia Tam, what a prize package you loved, so sorry she's gone form your life now. I can't imagine anything worst than losing a child. We are supposed to she our children into adulthood before we ourselves go first.
I swear by the love of our children, there is nothing so strong.
The last time I had a transplant my wife was so fearful of my dying (I came very close the 1st time too). I knew my daughter (she's alot like your daughter form the sounds of Andie) & wife would get past losing me but I knew my son couldn't & wouldn't, he has his demons that he deals with the best he can. I told my son I wouldn't die until I knew he was fine &could be left on his own. The doctors told my wife to ask me if I wanted to keep on fighting & she camme in & told me that if I needded to go it was ok & that I could go. I told her I wasn't going any where until Gabe (that's my son) was in a better place & that I wasn't even close to braking that promise I made him. I came through that failed transplant then 12 day coma & another liver transplant. What we will do for our kids.
All the could've, should've, would've's doesn't change a mother's love, not many of us has the gift of foresight, we're all to blessed with more than enough 20/20 hindsight though.
From the sounds of your Andie, she lived life as full as she pleased, right from the start & it sounds as if she died on her own terms too. Sounds like she was asking you to let her do just that.

I'm so sorry that you feel as if you have something to blame yourself for, I'm not in your shoes but it only sounds that you had a one of kind daughter & she would have it her way no matter what you think you could've done for her.
I hope she lives on forever in the hearts of those that loved her

Barry


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 May 09 - 07:32 AM

Tam. Thank you for saying it here. I think I know what it cost to line it all out.... I'm confident that in the hindsight that will come, it will prove to have been healing. But I know that, for now... anyway, I know.

And I know that no parent comes through parenting kids at that age without incredible confusion at every step-- they're all just like that as they start their "adult" lives! Let me be the first to say that you took every step right.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: jacqui.c
Date: 14 May 09 - 08:06 AM

VT - I've been keeping tabs on this thread - there really isn't much I can say.

Take care of yourself.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 May 09 - 08:37 AM

(BTW my last post was made in a previously-open window right after Tam's post-- had not seen others' intervening posts before mine was submitted.)


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 May 09 - 11:57 AM

Thank you all and especially Barry for sharing. I don't think I will be adding much tonight. Had acupuncture (neck and head) this afternoon and just want to drift for a while.

p.s. thanks to the people who pm'd me as well.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sue the Borderer
Date: 14 May 09 - 08:36 PM

Hi Tam
I'm sorry that we only got to meet briefly at Rochester Sweeps recently. It seems to me, having read this thread, that both you and your daughter are very, very special people.
Thank you for sharing Andie with us.

Love and hugs, Sue


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 May 09 - 04:31 PM

(refresh)

Tam, just a quick note to say I hope your "break" is going faboo, and since I'll be less online in the next few days than I am on most weekdays, please know that I'm looking forward to the next installment but never, ever urgent about WHEN or WHAT.

"Not a time-sensitive request."

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 08:43 AM

I really don't know what to add right now. Been quite tearful, dredging all this stuff up.

I want to go on, but need a bit of break. My head and sinuses have had enough. Besides I am killing trees with all the tissues I am going through.

Thank you all for reading and learning my Andie. There will be more.

Someday.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 May 09 - 08:59 AM

Dear Tam,

What a wonderful, inspiring tribute to the amazing, shining light that was (IS!) Andie. Thank you for this beautiful memorial thread. I honor you and Andie.

My husband and I have both had heartbreaking losses in recent years, and know how the remembrances, the pictures, the recordings, and even just hearing the beloved's name is so important.

We've also learned that life goes on, and healing happens, but the pain of the loss can erupt and ambush you unexpectedly from now on. You know all this.

But the most important thing I've learned, and have said it over and over again in this forum is this:
LOVE NEVER DIES!
Andie is with you always.

love to you,

Allison


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 10:50 AM

....it only sounds that you had a one of kind daughter & she would have it her way no matter what ....

Well I said I needed to leave this a bit, but upon reading all the posts again and hitting on Barry's line (italics above)had to say, yes.

And it brouught up more memories.

She was stridently independent from infancy.

I remember her at just turned 2 attempting to navigate her legs into training pants, (too big for diapers now). The re is a photo of her sitting on my bed, bith legs gone through one leg opening and out the waist, an expression of determination on her little face.

Not the last time I saw that expression. Riding the bycycle received on her 5th birthday. Learning to tie her shoes. My god, she spent hours sitting on the front porch, doing it over and over, howls of anger pouring out of her. Any attempt to offer guidance or help was met with fierce rejection. "I will do it MYSELF!" Theshoes were key, because she knew that she could not go to kindergarten without know how to tie them herself. More than once I suffered romonstrations from her father or my Mother or my siblings. "Why don't you just get her the velcro shoes." "Because I want her to know how to tie laces." Had the same kind of arguments about analogue and digital watches. I wanted my children to learn to read time from analog. Was I a monster Mom or what?

Anyway, Andie was something of a Houdini when she was little. She hated clothes from infancy. always finding ways of escaping. My poor brother was at his wit's end after babysitting her one evening. He couldn't keep her inside her Pampers. I came home to find her with black electrician's taped wrapped around waist of the diaper to keep her from taking it off. She was a year old. Kevin pointed to the pile of stripped off papmers and said unless we got her lockable diapers he ouldn't babysit her again.

Bathtime. She was fish. 2 favourite things. She would put her face under the water running from the tap and blow. She loved it. I don;t know where she learned it but she always did it, whe I bathed her. Getting out of bath was followed by a dripping wet hug, she always managed to dodge the towel and a streak out fo the bathroom shrieking with laughter me chasing her with unused towel in hand. What a kid.

Hated shoes to the point of screaming. Remember Striderites? Andie was knock kneed and slightly pigeon toed. Pediatrician said put her shoes on the wrong feet for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon to straighten her feet. Took only 2 bouts of her wailing to know I didn't have the heart to keep up that treatment. She learned how to get out of shoes anyway. Even the little lace locks became a game for her.

Funnily enough, though all of her life she preferred being barefoot (so do I) this girl had so many shoes as a teen and adult. She could not resist them, even the ones that were too painful to wear more than an hour.

Most babies learn how to escape a playpen by standing on a toy and climbing over. Not Andie. She tunneled her way out. Bit and chewed the vinyl skirting at the bottom fo the mesh, tand out she went. I don't know how many times I sewed up the torn spots. I finally gave up.


She learned doors and gates pretty quickly too. I spent most of her 3rd year of life with her baby sister on my hip as I ran up and down the neighborhood looking for my escaped child. You can imagine how I dreaded her learning to ride the bicycle. She would just be able to go further and faster.

Thankfully, by the time she was ready for a car, she was very responsible and even more considerate of my anxiety.   If she was going to be even 10 minutes late, she would give me a call and let me know what was up.

Should say that Andie and I didn't really bond until she was about 11 or 12. Until then she had always been her Daddie's girl, (ezcept when she was sick or a friend hurt her feelings). Suddenly, she just wanted to hang out with me and sing with me and tell me stuff abourt school and friends, when before I had wheedle. It was a year after I started working. Not being an at home mom anymore, maybe she realised she should take advantage of any time she could get.

I dunno.

Well damn, I said I was going to leave it a bit and all this stuff just bubbles up to the surface.

sorry.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 May 09 - 01:44 PM

Thanks for sharing these memories, VT. All of us who have been blessed with clever and beautiful daughters can relate to the love, the joy, and the pain.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 16 May 09 - 01:51 PM

Oh heck, don't you go saying sorry, Tam! It's really lovely learning about Andie. I've been chuckling away at your stories about her there, the little minx. I bet she ran you absolutely ragged.

Beautiful memories of your very special child. :0) xx


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 03:55 PM

More determination -

Andie was a southpaw (lefthanded - which is why she chose Zancani as her persona surname).

When I bought a second had guitar after many years guitarless, Andie was in university. She decided she was going to learn to play. I am right handed. So she started teaching herself holding it the lefthanded direction but replicating chords upside down. I could't bear to watch and hear the torture any longer and restrung it left handed for her. The pickguard looked out of place on top, but at least that way she could learn properly.


I left for the UK soon after that. Don't know she got on. Not very well I suspect, because she had the tiniest little hands and short stubby fingers (another bane to her).


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 May 09 - 04:47 PM

Tam, take your time. Your thread reminds me of a series of thread which Night Owl started on some very grave losses she experienced over many years, starting out with This One about her house burning down and how Mudcatters helped her. She found the process of writing to us, at her own pace which was very slow and thoughtful, to be cathartic and really helpful. I hope this is serving that purpose and whatever other purposes might be helpful for you, too. Thank you, again, for sharing with us.

ATB,

kat


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 May 09 - 05:21 PM

Kat - thanks for posting the link. What happened to Night Owl. I checked. Her last post was in 2003.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: katlaughing
Date: 16 May 09 - 10:51 PM

Life demanded her full attention for various reasons...partly taking care of her mom, full-time, who is sharp as a tack at 99, but in need of physical help. That is a full-time job in itself...but there are other things which have kept her away. That, and she gets a Mudcat Digest from me every few days via the phone.:-) She will be back some day, I hope.:-) Thanks for asking.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 16 May 09 - 11:17 PM

Tam, I'm enjoying (sometimes with tears) your posts about Andie & looking forward to more when they occur.

sandra


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 May 09 - 06:18 AM

Dear Andie (Dear Abbie or agony aunt to my UK friends)

This must have been what her friends thought of her. Hours (often late into the night) she spent on the phone dispensing support and wisdom to her friends (who were many).

God teenagers are so needy and Andie had what they needed. No sooner would she put the phone down after either her father or I threatened removal of priviledges, would it ring again. After midnight, schoolnights, it mattered not, there seemd to be an endless queue of callers.

Perhaps we should have had call waiting? Better to have installed a 900 number and make some money on the deal.

Well Andie's generosity and empathy was part of what made her so remarkable and caused people to seek her out. Guess this is why near 200 people converged in Hopewell Virginia from such distances to say goodbye to her. And why so many came up to say words over her. These are quite paraphrased as I don;t rememberthem perfectly. I cannot bare to look at the DVD at the moment. But you will get the gist of who Andie was, by what follows.

From SCA friend Emma
Andie was a bucket filler. She encouraged me to sing again after someone had told me I shouldn't. That person had tipped over my bucket and Adnie filled it again. My daughter will know her. I will teach her how to fill peoples buckets, because of Andie.

From SCA friend Fritz
I passed Andie on the way out into the screened back porch (smoking room). Andie was on her way back into the house now empty of all but my wife (who is allergic to cigarette smoke). I asked Andie where she was going. "You don't just leave people alone" was her answer. She spent most of the rest of the party talking with and getting to know my wife (a very shy person).

"You don't just leave people alone" prompted a number of other people to remark on this quality in Andie.

Best friend in high school - Lyara
When I transferred to Fluvanna High School (small rurual) from Albermarle (big school on Charlottesville) I was angry and knew I was not going to get along with the country kids. First day of school Andie comes boldy up to me while I sulking in corner of cafeteria and asks "What's your problem?" I replied with a surly "Nothing, What's your's?" Andie came straight back with "Not much if you don't count being in school with a bunch of normals. I guess I am a pretty happy freak." The thing is my hair was green at the time and I was dressed pretty much goth. And Andie had neon clothes pegs in her hair. I realised then that the country school wasn't all that bad. Found out that Andie only lived about 1/4 mile up the road from me. We became best friends after that.   

Several university friends made comments about how Andie convinced them to join APO (service fraternity at Longwood). They had never been joiners, but Andie was so much fun to be around they joined just to be near her. They still keep in contact with me on Live Journal.

Kimmie - friend from university later to marry Andie's Bard (Byrom) in the SCA. Yes she introduced them. They now have a baby daughter.

Told of Andie's very distinctive laugh. And how they were travellying back from an event. Andie in the back seat. It was night, cool out and they had been singing in the car so the windows were steamed up. They got to talking, telling stick jock stories (SCA fighting) and talking of other things. Byrom was driving, Kimmie on the passenger side, starting putting tally marks on the steamy windows. When Andie asked what they were doing. They had made a game of counting who could make Andie snort more often than the other.

Rescuing cows. Late one night when she and Kimmie had just met, they driving back to Farm Vegas (maybe Andie's name for Farmiville where Longwood uni is because of the lights at night in rural wasteland) they encounter cows escaped from some pasture wandering on the road. So Andie decided they had to notify the owner. But who?   Which field, what drive? So they opted for the first drive, drove as near the house as possible. Would have gotten out and knocked on door but for the guard dogs barking angrily all around. So she leaned on the horn and shouted out of partly rolled down window. "Your cows are loose." Then to Kimmie,   "nKay, I did the right thing, now let's go." Evidently this made a big impression on Kimmie.

Enough for now.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 May 09 - 07:01 AM

Did I already say, this girl was/is a force of nature.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 17 May 09 - 07:17 AM

Ahh yes. I remember why the cows had to be rescued. Because another SCA friend would never forgive her if she hadn't tried.

Can't remember which SCA friend (one who was mad for cows- please no mad cow comments). There were so many.

To best friend Lyara I am her Other Mother. She was crazy for my fried chicken. Andie made up a jingle about my fried chikcen based on the old Kentucky Fried chicken - they do it right, advert.

Can't take it fried chicken
They do it wrong
So muuma fries it up
And we take it along.

Wish I could remember more of the silly songs she made up. Wish I could remember more about what she looked like at different ages. Infuriating how entire pockets of time slip away.

I should contact my ex and beg the negatives from him. I can still take those to Jessops and they will put on CD for me, won't they?


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Subject: Memories Re-filed Under "Love"
From: wysiwyg
Date: 17 May 09 - 09:01 AM

Tam, it's not at all uncommon for old memories to pop back up into aware-recall-on-demand after long bouts of weeping. Painful, stored emotion can block access to them, but they aren't really gone; they're just in need of being re-filed under "Love," and the mind can do that, automatically. It's part of why we instinctively take breaks from the deepest expresions of grief-- so that re-filing can occur. If you intentionally put your attention on the beauty and goodsness around you, in the breaktimes, it facilitates that re-filing.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 17 May 09 - 09:53 AM

- "You don't just leave people alone" prompted a number of other people to remark on this quality in Andie."

Hey, wouldn't it be lovely if that outlook were adopted by schools over here in the UK and in the USA, in Andie's name.

I can see a whole website about your beautiful daughter being built around those words, Tam.

And YES, most *definitely* ask her father for those negatives, get those special moments right in front of you again.

You know, you should write a book about Andie. I think this thread is just the beginning of that book...and your Rainbow Daughter is helping you to start writing it.

"You Don't Just Leave People Alone"

Maybe that's your title...


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 18 May 09 - 04:21 PM

Watching films with Andie and Hilary. If anyone has ever seen Mystery Science Theater 2000 you will kinow what it was like to watch films with my girls.

Andie took the lead on commentary long befroe she ever saw this programme. Funny comparisons to other shows, films, songs but outraged rants about inaccuracies. They drove her a bit potty.

More than once she was warned in the cinema to stop or she would have to leave. More than once famiy and friends would shush her when we were watching TV.

To this day, Hilary and I do this and my current partner has to (gently) intervene when I start in on somehting we are watching. I did not used to do this.

I find myself watching with Andie's eye and judging with Andie's sentiment, quite often now. Always a pleasant surprise when I catch myself doing it.

Some actual examples of Andie's movie commentary may soon be remembered. Taking Susan's advice. Opening doors in my mind so the memories can come out.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 09 - 04:35 PM

Well, it's not really advice. Just an observation of how I think our brains are designed to work, how our intelligence brings things together.... the ADVICE I can share about it, from my first time thawing out from verbally inexpressible pain, is that it goes.... faster....smoother.... more usefully if we decide, intentionally, to let any memory/insight-- no matter how surprising or hard to accept-- bubble up to be felt-through. ("Hey, I said to myself, "I can always change my mind later!!!")

Later I learned a pile of various theories that agree with and explain all that, but the first time.... it was just what my native auto-pilot insisted upon. It's not for the faint of heart.... and we each have to follow our own path through everything in life. Tam, I trust your sense for what you need to do.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 18 May 09 - 09:40 PM

Hi VTam, I have been reading my way through your memories, and they -- and the lovely advice friends like Susan, above -- are giving you is helping me deal with the death of my mother last Wednesday. She was 90 and it was not a surprise, but the pain and sorrow and grieving catches me unexpectedly at all moments. Thank you (all) for the help.
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 18 May 09 - 10:21 PM

<3(((Barbara)))<3

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 May 09 - 02:48 AM

Barbara- It appears that Andie is still helping people.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: romany man
Date: 19 May 09 - 09:14 AM

OK V.T. your turn to make me cry, XXXXXXXXX


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:06 PM

I put up pictures of my girls at work yesterday. Been at this new job since 1st October and could not bring myself to put their pictures up. Afraid people would notice, ask questions, get me started blubbering.

I never stop thinking (dozens of times a day) I want my Dollbaby back. And yet everytime I start to cry, I can almost see Andie's eyes rolling upward and hear her voice exclaiming "Too much drama, Mamma."


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 20 May 09 - 03:53 PM

Revisiting Andie's MySpace (only joined just before she passed away) What she wrote.

About me:
I'm a lover not a fighter. I wish that I could smell like an aroused butterfly. I tend to read, watch movies, listen to music and sing along. My reading is generally fiction-most recently read-Still Life with WoodPecker by Tom Robbins. Movies...action/adventure, musicals, and comic book movies primarily. I just saw Constintine and I absolutly loved it. Mmmmm...pretty wings! I love to sing...I sing all the time. I went to college for music and it was totally worth it. :)

Who I'd like to meet:
Hal Sparks, Ant, Johnny Depp, J.K Rowling, Daniel Radcliffe, Simon Cowell, God, interesting people with interesting personalities. guitarists, bassists, drummers, looking for a vocalist. :)

General:
I enjoy camping, medieval recreation, walking, running, I enjoy cooking and baking. I like being outdoors and I think that hammock time is an integral part of any summer vacation.

Music:
I have years of musical experience and I used to be an avid concert goer. I love to sing, I couldn't live without it. Over the years, I have developed quite a cd collection, filled with Goth. rock and roll, chick rock, alternative, some classical and a lot of randomness. I really enjoy classic rock. I try to enjoy music as a whole, so I try to get my hot little hands on everything. As far as new bands go I really like, The Killers, Modest Mouse, Franz Ferdinand, Breaking Benjamin, Crossfade, and as far as favorite bands go...I really love Bella Morte (even though I don't go to as many concerts as I used to) and Carbon Leaf...(read what I wrote for Bella Morte.)

Music - Performance - Vocals
I sing rock and roll, goth, and opera.

Movies:
I like a lot of obscure stuff...probably because that's what my friends watch, so I get exposed to things that normal people have never heard of...like Hell Comes to FrogTown (I love this movie sooooo much) Meet the Feebles (terribly disterbing) Run Ronnie Run (*this is a hard-on, you gave that to me* which has oddly enough be said to me). I'm big on musicals, especially anything with Gene Kelly and Cyd Charrise or Bing Crosby or Fred Astaire. I'm pretty open minded on movies...but I don't watch horror movies any more...too many years of zombies (which I have a love for) and vampyres and mummies and ghosts and Steven King. I do have a big love for comic book movies...i.e. Constintine, Spiderman, the Punisher ect. :) O...and Dodgeball is ass kicking fun.

Television:
Is the creation of the devil...also known as the great satan. Except for Law and Order, the Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama and Inuasha

Books:
Mmmmm...for me...books are like friends. They never put you down and they are always there when you need them. They open up new worlds of thought for everyone brave enough to look beyond the cover. I tend to fiction, fantasy, some sci-fi...anything involving love I will read it. The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress, Stranger in a Strange Land, HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy, Harry Potter series...I'm open to suggestions. I just read Tom Robbins Still Life with Woodpecker....and it's effected me in ways that no book has since elementary school.

Heroes:
Sarah Schoper, people who stick to what they believe, all of the lovers of the world (you know who you are...and don't let the real world get you down...I will always love you.)


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 May 09 - 11:28 AM

Hello Andie Dollbaby,

Yesterday I went to a Wake BBQ for departed partners of some folk friends. It was a glorious sunny day in a lovely garden in Kent. Lots of nice people, good food, adventurous stuff to drink (I know you'd like that) and excellent music (I know you'd love that).

Would have been great if you could be there. But as you couldn't, I was given a lantern to send off into the sky in your memory.

Did you see it?

Love ya baby

mumma


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 25 May 09 - 11:39 AM

Aw... nice.

VT, did you hear the song olddude wrote in memory of each of the losses we've all had?

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 May 09 - 05:17 PM

I have now. Thanks for directing me.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 26 May 09 - 10:03 AM

In my thought, heart and prayers Virginia

Dan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 May 09 - 11:33 AM

What a great thread this has been. I'm tracing it so I make sure not to miss any more of your posts, Tam, this year or whenever you come back to it.

Would Andie like knowing she had been "refreshed"? :~)

Love,

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: billybob
Date: 27 May 09 - 11:45 AM

I am sure the lantern went straight to her,it was sent with all our love,
Wendy,


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 May 09 - 01:56 AM

Thank you Dan, Susan and Wendy.

I found some memorial posts I printed from a site now defunct. I retyped the one below (punctuation added and spelling corrected by me).


Music and all that it entails. Halloween of 2004 was made sweeter for me since it is my favourite holiday. Andie came to see my wife and chat but [she] working all the time was already asleep. So we spent the night of halloweeen talking about life, love and fun, talking of music and muse and watching several really good movies.

(When someone is an angel on earth their time is so much shorter). I am not in the S.C.A family, but Andie made me feel like I was. If not in, at least part of it.
Thank you for your song, smile and spirit. You will be sorely missed by all that saw what an encompassing light you had to bring to people together.

(And with tears still fresh, I wish I could name that tune). Goodbyes are the hardest when someone that was special to you never even knew it.

In closing as for grief the tears we shednow ill only make us want to play the one song we each have in our minds for her (Sallys s Song - London After Midnight).

Blessings for all whose grief has been overwhelming and may you all know one day the peace that Andie has now.

Owen A.... Friday May 13, 2005


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 28 May 09 - 02:34 AM

Lovely Ms. Tam

Some where in the world there is a yang for every ying.

Surely, with all the Mudcat focus - we can make this the longest running - continual - "above the line" non-BS thread in the history of Mudcat .... sort of a continually refreshed eternal flame to the memory of a perished soul ... and a lovingly lovely daughter. we CAN . Yes! We Can.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:33 AM

BONES
(Libby Roderick)

I come from a long line of dead people
I am standing on a tall pile of bones
My people lie sleeping all under the world
Their souls turn to roots leaves and stones

My grandfather went by whiskey in an LA hotel
His father died of Ohio coal
And before him and before that they went under the ground
Fewer bones walk above than below

My grandmother's blue eyes look out of my face
Her skinny bones walk around in my clothes
You might almost hear the sound of her sweet southern voice
In this [body] I've been calling my own.

A toast to the living
As we walk down the aisle
So these bones can be married
To this flesh for a while
A song, a song for the living
Though this flesh worries when
These bones will be leaving
To join family again...

Repeat first verse.

I'll post the corrections in the morning when I can get to the words.
Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:19 PM

Today is the 1st anniversary of the passing of a dear friend's father. This friend, this morning found his beloved 17 year old lab mix (Figaro) breathing his last.

Today, not knowing about Figaro and also having forgeotten about his father's death, I sent my friend a little story, "I pray you enough."

An email or 2 later, I also prayed that Andie and his father would meet Figaro and play with him and that I hoped his Dad and my Andie would sit and talk and tell stories about us to each other, the way we talked about them.

I have found a shload (one of Andie's fav words shit+load = shload) of postings from friends including the eulogy from her friend and bard. I will have to retype them and will do so in the coming days, weeks and months.

I may even get up the stuff to pull out her journals (the written ones) and post some bits of her thoughts.

At the moment I am zotzed - I worked really hard last 3 days (Tuesday and Wednesday at home cleaning, moving furniture, cleaning some more and doing about a truckload of ironing - I really shouldn't put it off so long) and today at work filing in the tomb.

Gargoyle and Barbara you each squeezed eyeball juice outta me. Thank you both.

Huv and lugs too all.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 May 09 - 03:37 PM

(((VT)))

Just cuz.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Barbara
Date: 28 May 09 - 04:06 PM

What Susan said.
Me too.
Here's a link to the corrected lyrics for that song: Bones

Blessings,
Barbara


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 29 May 09 - 02:05 PM

RE: I may even get up the stuff to pull out her journals (the written ones) and post some bits of her thoughts.

That would be very nice.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 29 May 09 - 09:02 PM

This is an amazing thread. Thankyou for sharing Andie, her mischief and happiness, her determination, her caring and thoughtfulness. I wonder how your other daughter Hilary is? Can she share Mudcat hugs.

Please take this hug from a stranger, (((((((((VT & H)))))))))))

It seems young Andie had a lot to teach us all. Thanx.
Hazel.xx


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 05:21 AM

Thank you for asking Hazel

Funny you should ask about Hilary. I just, a few moments ago, sent her a PM on AIM. Gave her a big HUG.

Hilary is amazingly well adjusted, though I am sure she has her moments of rage and sorrow. They were pretty close, especially as they got older.

Hilary was always the sensible, pragmatic one. Though she has a killer sense of humour aned a gift for silliness. I think she doesn't let me know she is hurting and missing Andie. Maybe she is protecting my feelings.

Fortunately, Hilary shares a house with a young woman both she and Andie were freinds with in high school. And her family have adopted Hilary. A huge comfort to me.

Healthwise, Hilary has had some worrying issues since Andie passed. She also has autoimmune illnesses. Her health was starting to deteriorate prior to Andie's illness, she got a bit better just prior to Andie's passing, then started having problems again, until a few months ago.

She has finally been able to see a specialist regards her health and now on proper medicine. She says she feels wonderful with loads of energy. Blood pressure normal too and sleeping better. So I think (I hope) she is healing.

She is excited about auditioning again (she studied theatre in university). Sigh! I miss my Hilliebug, even though I spent time with her last summer. She is Georgia, USA. Hope to get her here to England this Christmas.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 06:35 AM

The Eulogy

Good afternoon. For you that don't know me, my name is Duane M.... I have been honored to call Andie Robbins a friend for about 10 years now. In the Society for Creative Anachronism, I had the honor and privilege to be Andie's mentor and teacher. Andie once called me her 'Big Brother' and I very much feel as though she is the sister of my heart.

Her mother has asked that I start today's memorials. After I am done speaking, the family has asked that anyone who wishes to, please come up and follow me.

"Music is Sound and Silence." These words were spoken to me many years ago by Chicago jazz trumpeter and vocalist Floyd Standifer. What he meant was that every millisecond of a song is important and that the silence between the notes are just as important in the delivery of that song as the music itself. That music , like life, seeks a balance. Just as Andie's life was about Sound, today it is very much about Silence.

We gather to remember the young woman of incredible energy and talent. Andie was gifted both as a talented performer and composer. Her voice was clear and true. Today we gather in silence and then we stand alone here to tell the stories of her life.

I remember the first time I heard her sing, while she was in high school.   She had written a song in honor of her friend Susan J…. She performed it, at the head table of one of our feasts, quaking and trembling in fright .

[I remember this as the only time I ever saw Andie nervous about singing, she so wanted to impress the SCA people.. VT]

Afterwards, I found her in a quiet hallway and thanked her for her gift of song, giving her a small token of my esteem for her bravery. A few years later, when she was a freshmen in college, we reacquainted at a local event and our friendship renewed and strengthened. In time we decided to enter into a formal relationship with Andie agreeing to become my apprentice, studying music and performance. At the ceremony that marked that occasion, I told her that she was "my Shining Star and the Rock upon which I would build my household." Over the years, she proved me right again and again.

I had the distinct honor of watching the young woman blossom as a performer, from shy little girl to a confident, poised woman who could silence a room and hold their attention with rapt awe. Sound and Silence in perfect harmony.

Andie and I would perform for large crowds and for quiet gatherings, singing in harmony together or taking turns. She had a natural ear for harmony and loved to sing in choruses and groups perhaps more than she did singing alone. Either way, Andie understood the Muse's power, it's ability to lift you out of a place and take you somewhere beautiful. She shone like the sun when she sang. Her face was alight with joy. I hear her still now and it comforts me as I ponder the mystery of her life here, trying to figure out why her fire had to burn so brief, why there is silence now, when we had just started singing.

We both shared a great love of music from all times, genre and places. She had a near encyclopedic knowledge of popular music. We spent many hours making my fiancé, Kim crazy on long car trips, singing together.

Andie used to snort when she laughed. Here Duane imitated Andie's *Snort Snort* One time on a long car trip north and the heate rin my van was broken, the windows fogged up because of our laughing and singing. Andie snorted and I slowly reached up and marked out a hash mark on the window. I made her laugh again and again and kept marking. When I crossed them for the fifth mark, she asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm keeping track…. I've got five!" and Kim said "I've got three?"

Andie and I used to play this little game on Instant Messenger where one of us would start a song lyric like "Rejoice rejoice, We have no choice" and the other would come back with "But to carry on." I have a feeling that in the coming months I am going to be sitting at my computer waiting for one of those messages to pop up. I'm going to catch myself wanting tosend her one. And the Silence is going to be deafening for me when I realize she isn't there anymore.

At her apprenticing ceremony, I promised to guide and lead her. I quoted John 21:18 where Christ told Peter that 'when you were a child you woke in the morning, put on your tunic and sandals, girded your belt and walked where you willed. But I tell you now that in the days to come another will gird you and lead you where you would not wish to follow. ' Now I find Andie leading me to a place that I cannot follow. And I am heartbroken not to be able to lead her there instead.

I am standing here today, wishing her a safe passage and a quick journey. I am listening for that Sound that made the music Her Song. I am carrying it in my heart like Fire. I can still hear her voice and it is just as clear and true in my mind as it was the last time I heard it.

I am going to try and sing for you one last time Andie, because I think you would like that.
He sang The Life of the Bard, link to words somewhere above.
she would want music and joy and sound and song. But right now we need a little Silence too, so we can listen to her voice. So we can hear her song again, in our hearts. God keep you Andie. I can't wait for you to share all the new songs that you'll learn with me, and hear your laughter. You'll help me fit right in. Until then, I think the balance is always going to be just a little bit off down here. Too much Silence and not enough Sound. But we will cry because you have gone away, we will rejoice in your life and that we were blessed to know you and we will all carry on, as best we can.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 May 09 - 06:51 AM

She attracted the wise and able-to-love-well.

I often say, at a funeral, that those gathered are the congregation of those passed. Not the congregation from which they came-- tho that is true also-- but the congregation that looked to them for leadership. Andie's "parish", now, THERE is a group (and a leader) I'd have been proud to join.

(((Andie's Parish)))

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 10:49 AM

Susan

You just reminded me of something with Andie's Parish.

When she was in university, some friends from high school were to be married. I think it was Geoff and Jenn from one of the memorial postings earlier in the thread. They wanted Andie to officiate at their handfasting.
She was looking into getting some kind of ordainment so she could do this for them. I don't remember what happened out of this.

Another thing I remembered after retyping Duane's (SCA name Byram) Eulogy (while I was weeping away this morning) was what the videographer said about the service.

That he had never seen so many people come up and say so many wonderful things about the departed in one service. And that later when he was watching again, working on the finished DVD and VHS copies he started crying. A thing he had never done before. He was the one who put A Celebration of Life - Andie Robbins memorial on the labels. And then asked me if that was ok.

Oh dear. Here come the tears again.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 30 May 09 - 12:15 PM

:~) Andie was a Mudcatter, inside, I'm sure of it.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 May 09 - 02:12 PM

Another nickname for Andie when she was a baby.

She loved pitching fits when we put her in crib (cot) playpen or carseat. But she absolutely loved this song when we played it or it came on radio.

She was our Rage in the Cage


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 31 May 09 - 05:12 AM

With the song Rage in the Cage, her little fists curled around the top of playpen or crib rail, she would rock side to side (the crib would move across the room) jamming along to the music.

Rage in the Cage brings back very specific memory of her little face. Bright red with anger, the utter outrage at being pushed into clothing and equipment when she just wanted to be free.

I have thought since her passing since Andie was so adventurous and fearless, that when the time came of her passing, she saw something wonderful and naturally went toward it, not realising as she left her body she could not get back.

Her sister Hilary once visiting the house (which she said always felt very oprressive after Adie's passing) had an encounter. Hilary said Andie came out of the bathroom (where she had died) grabbed her by the shoulders and screamed, "Why won't Dad talk to me? Why can't he hear me?" Hilary told me she just said "Because you aren't supposed to be here, Andie. You died. That is why Dad can't hear you." She said after that the house did not feel oppressive anymore.

I guess I should say that Hilary had seen and heard people others did not from her toddlerhood through her mid teens, when it "started going away." She still does sense things, she tells me, but I don't think with the vivdness she experienced when she was younger.

I don't know what to make of what Hilary told me about the Andie encounter. I don't want to believe it, because it would mean for all that time my child was suffering and frightened and didn't know what was happening to her. She may be still. I can't bare that.

I have been so close to following her just so I could know she was OK.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 31 May 09 - 09:34 AM

(((Hil)))

(((VT)))

~S~ (see PM)


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,Garden of Solace
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 05:03 AM

"Life After the Death of My Son: What I am Learning". author Dennis Apple

CHAPTERS
"Will It Always Hurt This Much"
"Am I Losing My Mind?"
"I Don't Want Him Forgotten"


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 01:28 PM

Dear Garden of Solace

Thanks for the advice re book.

I am ok really. Have not self-harmed in more than a year (I think). I have no immediate plans to top myself. The first 2 years were hell on earth. But I have been surrounded by warm lovely caring friends. My partner is an angel on earth. I started singing again in 2007 and found my voice more confident, powerful and emotive than it was prior to Andie's passing. She is singing through me, now.

It is true I didn't want people to forget her, but I find on Live Journal that her friends remember her on their special days. So I am easy on that score. She was and still is well loved.

I do want more people to know her and was invited by some mudcatters to start sharing her by creating a thread for her. So I did. It also gives me one place to put all my memories and all the nice things her friends have said. When people read and share or ask questions, it pricks more memories to come forward. It is also nice to know that my posting here may be helping others with their own grief.

So all is good.

All the best.
Tam

BTW, don't be afraid to use your real mudcat name. I won't take offense.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 01 Jun 09 - 09:46 PM

Virginia
you are in my prayers , right this moment. And you will remain there.

with love
Dan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,Phillip Cazares
Date: 02 Jun 09 - 05:26 AM

I love you so much,
Its so plain to see.
But what amazes me more,
Is how much you loved me.
And what one doesn't see,
Thoush its clear from the start
It's not the blood that we shared
But the love to our hearts.
The love will last until eternity.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,William S
Date: 04 Jun 09 - 12:11 AM

Out, Out, Brief Candle!


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 12:56 PM

Hope to add some stuff to the thread this weekend.

Bit nonplussed by the guest posts. Especially the last one.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 03:07 PM

It's a quote from Shakespeare. (Maybe Elton John's "Candle in the Wind" has some relationship there, I dunno what-all the persons might have been thinking.) Wasn't Shakespeare often called "The Bard?"

I sort of took it as what a person might say as a commentary on death in general-- the transitory nature of life?

But, as with all Mudcat threads-- "take the best and leave the rest" is usually good policy.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Jun 09 - 04:39 PM

Hi Susan

I know the quote's source. Just weird getting all these guest posts.

Will take your advice. Leave the rest.

Thanks


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 04:56 AM

Well internet connection was lost all day yesterday, so retyped some of the printed out posts from the lost SCA memorial page.

I alternated font colors to distinguish between posts.

I didn't know her very well, but I remember Francesca as a sweet person with a hug and a kind word for me every time I saw her. I still have a candle she gave me at 12th Night one year. I won't forget her beautiful voice or kind smile-- she will be missed. Lady Derdrui, North Carolina


I had the privilege of singing with Francesca in Pennsic choir several years ago. She was a lovely young woman of extraordinary talent, full of grace and a gentle fun-loving spirit. She will be missed. My thoughts and prayers are with her family and with you Bryce. Margaret E..., northern Virginia


I didn't get to sing with her much but I enjoyed hearing her when I could. Whenever I saw her, she had a smile and a hug for me.... that meant a lot. Godspeed Francesca.   Evan da C..., Virginia


Ah those lovely days of driving from Richmond to Chapel Hill for Piper Doon... the drinking, and singing (amd Classic swimming Hole) at Pennsic... the dingy Goth bars (she made me fall in love with Bella Morte & the Cruxshadows... all her fault) such a vibrant, charismatic lady....Andi's memory will live on in my heart and smiles. Jessica McM..... California


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 07 Jun 09 - 07:07 PM

What wonderful words for your daughter. I'm sure the sentiments keep you feeling cozy. I find myself smiling, Andie obviously touched most of those she knew. (((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
H.x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:41 AM

posts from SCA meorial page continued.


I remember sitting with Cesca at Troll at Sapphire while everyone else was in court. We were telling stories and she was singing songs. It is one of the most relaxed and calm moments I can remember. Nikulai, North Carolina

She was the only person to make me cry on my wedding day. Twice actually. The first time was when she didn't show up for rehearsal and I was sure she wasn't coming at all. Then she DID show up and she sang and made me cry again. I cried because it was all ok, it was worth the crying to hear her singing at that moment, in that place and time. I will forever be glad she was there. Dee Dee, east coast Virginia

There's a bard in my heart
But the memory's fading
She came and went
Like a sweet breath of spring
Throughout the cold winter
Her smile was still shining
Through winter's cold comfort, the Troubador sang
There's a song in my heart
And a red-headed singer
She whispers and watches
And laughs at what comes
Through out joyfall halways
Or in darkest dungeons
Through all, the red-headed troubador hums
There's a dance in my heart
And a freckle-faced dancer
Who skips it and glide
Throughout crowded feast halls
Amid joy and laughter
Through all, I can see her, til her form slowly fades.

Hamish, southeast Virginia


I met Cesca so long ago that now I have no idea when it was. I remember spending hours trying to figure out the best harmonies for songs to perform with her and Sam. I remember listening to her sing and the joy that she had in it. We grew out of touch over the past few years, something that I now regret. She is a great loss and I miss her. Jess/Gwen, North Carolina

Francesca is my earliest memory of the SCA.I was brand new, my first event and Francesca took me under her wing. She was kind and gentle and loving. And the thing that I will always remember is her voice. She sang to me, without music, which I find incredible since I can't sings. Her voice was like an angel itself. Whenever I think of her I will think of her singing with the angels. I will miss her. Just know that she was loved and made a difference in peoples lives.Prayers to the family. Love Cat, southeast Virginia


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,William S
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:36 AM

No need to fear. It is indeed Shakespeare - "The Bard" in the heart and in the yard.

Elton John, Robert Frost and a score more have made reference to the line.

Macbeth, Act V, Sc. V

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:13 PM

lost SCA memorial page continued


I met you during your senior year.Even then you knew you wanted to sing. Oh lordy, and sing you did. Most of the time you came across a shy with strangers, convinced you would be ridiculed. But we all knew better. When you would stand and sing it was joy, a light pouring out from your heart. You would come across as aloof, but it was really shyness not wanting to let folks in, but we all know that you really cared to much. And oh how we care about you. [cutting some personal stuff] I feel like I didn't look deep enough past your outer shell. But I promise you this cuty (yeah I know you hate it when I call you that) I will look past the shell, and I won't wait till its too late to make sure a friend gets help. much love Andi, fjf


I have been trying to find the right words all day, but all I can really say is "Thank You". Thak you for the time we had, Thank you for your laughter. Thank you for your voice. Thank you for living. From Natalie Merchant's "Kind and Generous": "Oh I want to thank you for so many gifts you gave, with love and tenderness, I wanna thank you. I want to thank you for your generosity , the love and honesty that you gave me. I want to thank you, show my gratitude, my love and respect for you, I wanna thank you."   Drea, North Carolina


With you a part of me hath passed away;
For in the peopled forest of my mind
A tree made leafless by this wintry wind
Shall never don again its green array.
Chapel and fireside,
country road and bay,
Have something of their friendliness resigned;
Another, if I would, I could not find
And I am grown much older in a day.
But yet I treasure in my memory
Your charity and young heart's ease,
And the dear honour of your amity;
For these once mine, mylife is rich with these.
And I scarce know which part may greater be. -- George Santyanna
Andie, I will forever remember how you sang for my daughter, made her laugh, taught her a song. I know you are singing for us now, the songs we will hear in our hearts from now on. Thank you for your light, thank you for your humor, thank you for charing your gifts. You are missed. Christine B...


and I will write her name and cast it to the sky... silhouettes recede into a mother's tearful eyes... a host of angels clamour to her side... a light disolves to kiss the wind -- release the dragonfly.   tess

And this post from tess has started me weeping for the second time today.

This afternoon, my acupuncturist complimented my earrings, as I walked into her office. She only saw the right side. I reached up and noticed the left earring was missing. Andie bought them for me while on a mission trip to Mexico when she was 13 (I think). She worked so hard and did without birthday and Christmas gifts for the sake of going on that trip. And now I have lost one of the earrings she bought for me. That was the first time I cried today. Stood outside the hospital waiting for my husband to collect me and just let the tears run.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:34 PM

VT, if it's not too time-consuming, would you consider making the alternate quotes blue and some-other-color instead of blue and black, so your own comments in default-black are more discernable? Or, I use this sometimes to separate segments of a post:

===

blahblahblah

===

Those are just lowercase equal signs, tho they display usually as a solid double line.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 03:07 PM

I don't know Susan. Guess I am more concerned with content than format.

This is something of a job as it is, what with reading and retyping the comments. Something about retyping makes one pay closer attention, notice nuances, make connections to other things, even read between the lines. Dragging all the hurt to surface level again.

Is it nearing full moon? Not myself last couple of days and today is the worst re edge of precipice (tearing up) feeling.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 04:26 PM

Oh, I understand THAT feeling. When working on lost-twin grief was a priority, as it was for several years, it took very little to remind me of the need to step away, breathe, drink water, take C's, and jump back in.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 04:50 PM

Tam, this is especially for you, Sweet Lady. It comes with loads of love.

It was written by a very dear friend of mine, Charlie, who lost his only child, aged 22. It nearly destroyed he and his wife, but they got through to the other side of pain, surrounded by love. I believe totally that their dear son, Peter, brought many people into their world who now help to carry them through. I also have no doubt that your Andie is doing exactly the same thing.

And hey, she'll be chuckling over that earring..."Oh! MOMMMM!" You be sure to 'take her with you' when you go to choose a new pair of Andie Earrings. (((xxx)))


'The Reason For My Journey'

Staying the course
Navigating without
Compass or maps
You are the star
That guides me home
From an ocean of darkness
I follow your light
Keeping you
In the center of my vision
Never losing sight of
The reason for my journey
You are
My Destination

(Charles R. James)


Just write naturally, from the heart, let it come out the way it's all meant to.

And by the way, there is no precipice to fear, just a gentle fall, into the arms of your daughter. Keep her 'in the centre of your vision'


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:21 PM

Thank you Ladies (both). Susan so sorry for your loss. Lizzie thanks you for that poem written by a father for lost son.

Strange that beautiful things are born out of such horrible pain. But that is art.

I will make a pendant of remaining earring. Have done this before with my Gammy's old screwback earrings.   Remember them?. That was torture.

Hugs to you both.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 05:49 PM

LOL-- I've actually been known to BUY old earrings, just to get pendants out of them.

And Hardi gave me a lovely small pendant that nakes a nice, tiny brooch.

))hugs(((

(receiving them and sending them back out again)

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,Emily
Date: 09 Jun 09 - 07:32 AM

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 Jul 09 - 04:58 PM

One of Andie's closest friends did this thing that leaves me speechless

I found it accidentally, just googling Andie's name. Yeah I still do that.

So good to know that her friends are still thinking of her, missing her.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 19 Aug 09 - 02:29 AM

Last 2 evenings spent alone. TheSilentOne spending time with his son in Lake District. I am glad he spends time with his kids, he has the luxury of them being in same country. Sometimes I do feel envious of that.

I was afraid I would fall apart, thinking and wishing and regretting, but I have been pretty OK, except for staying up past 3am the 1st night and 1am last night. Watching DVDs and doing a bit of work brought home from work. Avoiding empty bed, avoiding sleep, avoiding nightmares with no comfort to follow.

Still thinking of you my Babydoll, but I think I must be healing some. I haven't felt the grief shadow lurking just out of sight, waiting to swallow me for a few weeks now. Should I hope it will last? Should I feel guilty about not despairing?

Sigh! Glad my honey is back tonight. I need a cuddle.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 19 Aug 09 - 07:42 AM

The speechless link is so lovely.
I telephoned a friend of my twin sister (when I was near her location in Germany last week) and Karen said,"Gillian is such a beautiful person 'inside'. She has the capacity to help, care and share and the world needs more like her".
I believe from this thread that Andie was beautiful too.
Smile.
I just went to a friends grave this morning with my pal Jane. We were able to smile, remembering Lesleys' beauty too.

((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

Hazel.x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: My guru always said
Date: 19 Aug 09 - 07:54 AM

Sending you a hug {{{{{{{VT}}}}}}}


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: sing4peace
Date: 23 Sep 09 - 05:13 PM

If I can stop crying long enough, I'd like to thank you for sharing your pain and your Adie. Your thread has been a journey - one that feels all too familiar and as such is very painful.

I hope you are remembering to take care of yourself. These AI diseases really flare up during stress. Grief is about the worst kind of stress there is.

A burden shared, is a burden divided
and a joy shared is a joy multiplied.

By letting us help you carry your grief - you have allowed us to share the joy that is your Andie.

One day at a time. We are here for you.

Your sister in Hope,
Joyce


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 04:32 PM

Reading through the Getaway planning thread and reading "guest Cooper's post, prompted me to come back to read about my lost daughter. Nearing end of this thread and I remembered something I thought I'd share.

From: VirginiaTam - PM
Date: 08 Jun 09 - 02:13 PM

I reached up and noticed the left earring was missing. Andie bought them for me while on a mission trip to Mexico when she was 13 (I think). She worked so hard and did without birthday and Christmas gifts for the sake of going on that trip. And now I have lost one of the earrings she bought for me.

I forgot to come back in here and say that the earring found its way back to me about a month later. I sent a picture of the remaining earring around work, explained that I lost and where it might be (between office and the bus stop some 500 yards away, up one road and through a car park). Also explained its significance to me.

Guess who found it. A very young male temp worker. He hadn't seen my email as a temp he didn't have an email account. He just found it about halfway between office and bus stop and thought someone at work might know to whom it belonged.

Now how likely is a young man (early 20 something) to
1. notice a not shiny (about dime sized) earring lying on the pavement?
2. bother to pick it up and bring it into work?
3. remember by the time he got there to put it in lost property?

The earring just wanted to come back to me.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: fat B****rd
Date: 22 Oct 09 - 04:44 PM

Best thoughts and kind regards to you VT.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 04:38 PM

My dollbaby has been much on my mind and heavy on my heart of late. Since just before Christmas, she pops into my thoughts more often. Silly things set me crying. Piano score in a tv advert, reading stuff on mudcat, hearing a snort laugh from a young woman, seeing wildly died hair.

Seeing and hearing phenomenally talented young women wailing out trad songs and wishing so much that my Andie could be there strutting her stuff too.

It is very hard.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:01 PM

Thinking of you, Tam. Of Andie too - she's such a sparkling presence in this thread that you've perhaps helped us to get to know her, a little. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I can't think of anything useful to say. Only that I hope you can find some sort of peace and that my thoughts are with you.

And yes - most definitely a music thread. It comes in all forms.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:40 PM

Ah, there's the whiskers.

I know it probably doesn't help to try to think that Andie IS there with those great muso's.... but.... the tears might flow less painfully (and thus more healingly) if you could try to smile.... thinking that SHE knows that.

(That's just for Tam, folks.)

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: My guru always said
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:42 PM

{{{VT}}}


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 08 Feb 10 - 05:46 PM

My mom likes to tell me that when I dream of someone who has passed, it means they have come for a visit. Perhaps Andie is popping in and out to say hello. I don't know about you but when those moments or dreams happen, I never want them to end.

(((((((((((((Lots of Hugs)))))))))))))))))))

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Pistachio
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 01:43 PM

Brilliant to read you got the earring back, soon after it's loss.


It's been lovely to read about your Andie,thanks for sharing.   

             ((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))


Hazel.x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Janie
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 01:57 PM

{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: maeve
Date: 09 Feb 10 - 02:08 PM

I can't say much Tam, yet you and Andie are in my thoughts.

maeve


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 08:46 AM

Returning here to the posts left on a memoriam page to Andie that has now disappeared. I am so glad I printed it all.

Tuesday May 3 2005 (the day after funeral) from Trav

Far Away where the soft winds blow, Far away from it all, There is a place you go, Where teardrops fall. Far away in the stormy night, Far away and over the wall, You were her in the flickering light, Where the teardrops fall. We banged the drum slowly, and played the fife lowly. You know the song in my heart. In turning of twilight, In shadows of moonlight, you can show me a new place to start. i've torn my clothes and I've drained my cup, Strippin' away at it all, Thinking of you when the sun comes up, Where teardrops fall. By rivers of blindness, In love and with kindness, We could hold up a toast if we meet. To the cuttin' of fences, to sharpen the senses, that linger in the fireball heat. Roses are red, violets are blue, And time is beginning to crawl, I just might have to come see you, Where teardrops fall.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 08:51 AM

Tuesday 3 May 2005 from Jen Thies

Cesca had such a glorious smile and a gentle heart. When she came to visit me on my Pelican vigil, she entered the tent with a shy smile and sang a song for me. I was so honored that she would take a moment of her day and share her gift of song with me. She told me I was an inspirations, and I don't think I returned the favor. But she was an inspiration to us all.
Mistress Isobel wrote a song that has a most fitting chorus. - I'll put one foot before the other, and though I know the road is long, I will cross over the raging river and make it safely to the dawn....


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:15 AM

Tuesday May 3 2005 from Sunniva and Turgeis, Stafford VA

Francesca was a beautiful person inside and out. Her warmth and humor, and voice were gifts she shared. My favorite memories are of her with my children. She would sit, singing and teaching them songs. I will continue to listen for her angelic voice amidst the children's laughter.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:17 AM

Tuesday May 3 2005 from Kateryn Rous, Chapel Hill, NC

I will never forget the fun of the nearly weekly Piper Doon performances the summer Cesca lived in Chapel Hill.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:20 AM

VT, I am still "pacing" you on this; I re-read the whole thread the other night when I could not sleep because a cat's whiskers tickled me to do it.

Are you re-typing all this BTW? If so and if it would be helpful, I could scan text out of what you printed, for you. Healing vs time/energy expenditure.... do only as much as Andie would want for you? :~)

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:21 AM

Tuesday May 3 2005 from Lisa Nash, Richmond VA

Such a beautiful person. she was never seen without a smile and open arms for a hug. I was so fortunate to have known her -- even for this short time. I remember being brought to tears when I heard her sing for the first time at DeeDee's wedding last year. My husband had told me how lovely she sang, but to hear is firsthand was truly a blessing. She will be missed by many, but her memory will live on forever. All my love Andie, as you shine your bright light into the next life.


Lisa Nash was the person who set up the memoriam site from which i printed these remembrances). - tam


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 09:33 AM

Susan

I have had the papers on my laptop table since I started this thread. I don't know why I felt need to pick it up today of all days. see pm coming up.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 10:01 AM

Beautiful, dear one. Holding you and Andie in the light of love.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 11:46 AM

VT: Yes.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 12:16 PM

Tam
for you my dear friend
Memorial Day


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 01:49 PM

oh Dan... how heartbreakingly wonderful... thank you.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 14 Feb 10 - 03:31 PM

Breaks the heart, or warms a frozen logjam?

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 02:51 AM

both...

logjam of tears was definitely broken yesterday... may be a week or so before I return to posting stuff to this thread.

my eyes, sinuses and head need recupe time.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 10:22 AM

Yup, and pls review my prev. guidelines on how to keep your attention out into present time (and adrenal care for self) so the break is mos' fruitful.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 15 Feb 10 - 10:27 AM

Hey Tam
have listen to DWditty's doing accent-u-ate the positive. I posted that and 'ain't nobody's business' in a thread Now I know how much you love the ragtime and blues and I guarantee he will make you smile with those ..

love you
Dan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 03:16 PM

Sigh! Looking up some info on Mediaeval Baebes cd, The Rose for a friend and I see that my sleeve notes are signed by some of the members of the group.

Then remembered the concert at Joust Berkeley Castle summer 2004. Andie was with me. She had introduced me to their music some 2 or 3 years prior.

At this juncture Andie was so thin and ill. But she asked some of the girls during the signing "how does one get to be a Baebe?" One of them said, "you have to drink a potion from my slipper" or some such silliness.

I just wanted Andie to be as healthy as those young women. Had she been feeling better at the time, no doubt she would have struck up conversation with one or more as they were wondering about the grounds between concerts. As it was she sat under a tree most of the day and slept.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 16 Feb 10 - 05:33 PM

You are in my thoughts, my prayers and in my heart. No one could say they understand because just the thought of losing one of mine would be too much to bear. All I can say Tam is you are loved, you have good friend and you can count on any one of us at any time for anything. We will be the first to come and the last to leave when you need us

Love Dan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 03:40 PM

I have been in Andie's LiveJournal and found these

I cannot pace the dragon...
nor match an eagle's flight...
would that it could be so...
you'd sing for us tonight...

rest well Andie

from her Live Journal friend Faheud



My friends,

I have the sad duty to report that my student, my apprentice, and my dear friend Lady Francesca Zancani, Andi Robbins passed away this past thursday night. Cesca had been very sick for a long time and her body was not equal to her spirit.

Please pray for Cesca and her family.

Heartbroken,
byram


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 03:46 PM

Andie's last two LiveJournal posts both 3 days before she passed

April 25 2005
07:57 pm   

Did absolutly nothing today but chilled at the Library, and sang Evanescence very loudly out of my open car window. YAY for my supreme vocal machine! I really need to be in a band. Seriously. I want to cover Personal Jesus...shame my name isn't Faith. *grin*

O! This is a great quote by the way!

"So long as both sides of the couple were happy and with needs met, honor respected, no one forced or harmed, did it mater if the couple was comprised of two women or two men?" Jennifer Roberson- Sword Born
Yay for open minded fiction!!!!

12:22 pm

I hate it when I'm in C'ville, and I plan on going to the Dawning, but I do something stupid like lay down because I have a migrane at 9:30 and thusly effectively sleep until 12:50 and just say fuck it and go back to sleep.

This weekend was ok. Had a talk with LohQi, he got a phone,(which means I get to hear from him every now and again, that is a happy thought) we just sorta chilled all weekend, because he was sick, which he blames on me. The worst thing that happened was me locking my keys in my car Friday night. The best watching them obcess over the new game that Goo got.

My birthday is coming. I'm sure I won't be doing anything, and I think I'm ok with that. Soon I'll be 24. I remember thinking that it was going to be so great to be an adult (hahahahahahaha) and that I couldn't wait to be old. Ugh. Only one more year to 25, but at least then I can move out (dad will have his license back) and never look back.

I am really unsatisfied with my life. I'm not happy. I don't really have any friends any more. That's the one thing that really pisses me off. My parents never had any friends while I was growing up and I remember noticing that and praying that I wouldn't become the same way. I miss being social so badly, but it's too fucking difficult to get out there and meet new people. I feel like I'm too weird for the normal people and too normal for the weird people. I'm in a fucking state of limbo. I miss the part of me that would walk up to strangers and say Hi...I'm Andie, you looked kinda lonely so I thought I'd just...

*sigh* That girl doesn't exsist anymore. She was fun...I miss her. How sad is it that the highlight of my day is surfing around online? I wish I could get angry about it and find a solution, but the solution would be getting the hell away from my father, which isn't going to happen for another year. I hope that when I do escape that I will be happier and that I will find my lust for life again. I used to be able to channel my depression into song writing and poetry but I can't seem to find the energy to care. I fucking hate being depressed. It brings down the few people that still enjoy my company. *sigh*


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 16 Mar 10 - 04:05 PM

I hold her.

And you, Tam.

~Susan


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 03:40 AM

To Andie

They passed the health bill. Finally. I had no idea how hard this would hit me. I am weeping with rage and relief.

I am so sorry it is too late to save you. But I know you are rejoicing in this for others.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 05:38 AM

"I am weeping with rage and relief."

Yes, I imagine you must be..
Take care x


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 05:45 AM

Still holding you, whiskerwoman.

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 03:18 PM

Why has this thread been moved to BS? I requested in the original post that it be permitted to stay above the line, because Andie was all about music. Her whole life dedicated to it. Everyone who knew her associated her with singing. Music was who she was life and who she is in everyone's memory of her.

There was no problem with this thread staying above the line before.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: gnu
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 03:33 PM

Wish I had words...........


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 03:54 PM

I have asked a clone to take a look and if possible move it up. If not, Miss Tam, Andie's memorial is on a music site where we share her love for the songs and tunes.
Mary


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Crow Sister (off with the fairies)
Date: 22 Mar 10 - 05:41 PM

"Why has this thread been moved to BS?"

Don't know. Joe seems to have given 'honorary music thread' status to the re-Imagined village thread too (for which I'm glad btw.). So I'm sure some discretion must be available to moderators in this regard?


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Joe Offer
Date: 23 Mar 10 - 02:03 AM

Hi, Virginia Tam-
I did honor your original request that this thread be in the music section, but I didn't expect that it would be active for so long. I figured I could grant an exception because the thread would be active a few days and then drop off the Forum Menu. But the thread was initiated almost a year ago now, and has been refreshed many times over the year. Now it's time for it to be in the non-music section. It has very little music information, and is not likely to be of interest to visitors outside our community.

We placed the music section at the top of the Forum Menu to make music information available to visitors who come here for music research. This thread is far too personal to be of interest to visitors.

I'm sorry if this offended you. That was not my intent.

-Joe Offer-


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 24 Mar 10 - 03:31 AM

Well, now Andie is in the basement. A friend has pointed out she is in good company down here.

Were she alive and participating in mudcat, she would have spent most of her time here anyway. She was a very sharp tongued, outspoken and opinionated young woman. Also mischievous. I think you all would have liked her very much and some would have been just as annoyed by her as often as not.

Welcome to the basement, Andie. Some of the best people party down here.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 04:48 AM

5 years ago today, after 8:30 EST she will have been pronounced dead.


Trying to distract myself. Think I will go clean kitchen now.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 05:13 AM

My thoughts are with you. Andie sounds as though she was a beautiful, vital young woman. I'm so glad you feel able to share her with us. (I see that she credits her parents at the top of the list of her inspirations.) God bless you, and her.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: olddude
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 08:43 AM

Virginia
   I bet they are doing some really fine music. I am sure my dad with teach her some old Irish songs with his big tenor voice. Thoughts and Prayers with you today my dear friend.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 11:16 AM

(((All Whisker Girls)))


All Love,

~Susan
(PS, Ya know, Tam, for those of us who have this thread "Traced," it is not necessary to be IN "BS" to see and jump back into it.)


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Ebbie
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 12:08 PM

{{{{{{long hug, and a few tears of my own}}}}}}}


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 12:37 PM

(((((((((((Added hugs and love))))))))))))))


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 02:21 PM

Dear all

you are all dears

Dan- I love the idea that Andie is singing with your Dad. She may have a few things to teach him, if I know my daughter.


a few of her friends on facebook and live journal are remembering her today too which feels good and bad at the same time. I just wish she was here with me cracking jokes and singing, instead of off somewhere singing with others.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 02:33 PM

Tam - hoping to meet you at Sidmouth and give you a hug in person!

All best wishes

Kitty


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 Apr 10 - 05:03 PM

are the stars or is Andie trying to tell me something?

Recently I have been practicing the G&E Pratt version of Silver Whistle - I plan to sing it at Sweeps (probably on 2nd May the day I buried Andie).

Now for a little background. Andie taught me the Silly Sisters version of Silver Whistle years ago. This morning I revived this thread with info about Silver Whistle.

Review: Graham & Eileen Pratt's music

Around noon thirtyish today I received an email from Graham Pratt telling me that he had created a youtube account. And what should I find there? Silver Whistle.

So Silver Whistle seems to be indelibly linked to Andie and her passing day.

weird and cosmic innit?


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Ebbie
Date: 29 Apr 10 - 11:31 AM

Yep


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 09 May 10 - 03:13 PM

29 years ago, 2 days after Mother's Day you were born. 7 lbs, 7 oz of pink baby doll. There was not a mark on you. The nurses didn't want to let you go and all commented on how pretty you were. 2 weeks overdue and after 17 hours labour, they seemed to think you should have been more bruised looking. But you were picture perfect. Tuesday's child is full of grace. Of personal grace, indeed you were.

Several times in your life we shared the special day, your birthday and Mother's day combined. I do wish you were still here with me. Give me strength to get through the next week.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 May 10 - 07:10 PM

Tam darlin,' you already have that strength. :~)

~S~


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 10 May 10 - 01:12 PM

Te following (paraphrased) posted on Facebook today, is from a young woman who was in high school with Andie

"i think of her so often....... It takes a very special person to have had the ability to enrich so many lives for having been here for such a short time. :')"


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 10 - 07:05 AM

Happy 29th birthday darling girl. Hope you are spending it with some great singers and some of your favs like Billie Holiday, Freddie Mercury, Ian Curtis and Kurt Cobain and some of the friends you lost when you were in highschool and uni.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 12 May 10 - 07:59 AM

Happy birthday Andie. Lotta good players up there too, to back your songs.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 12 May 10 - 10:16 AM

Love you, Tam.

~Whiskers


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 03:10 PM

It's getting near. Every year, I notice the change in season, the change in light, the shape of landscape and colour of the sky and it brings it all home again. What the world looked and felt like, so incredibly beautiful when my daughter died.

And how dare it!


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: gnu
Date: 25 Apr 11 - 03:15 PM

Sigh... I hope time heals ALL wounds, although my words are little solace. Take care VT.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 12:00 AM

This is the first time I have noticed this thread. Remember the good times.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 26 Apr 11 - 04:36 AM

Every Springtime from now on, Tam, I will look at nature's beauty around me and think of Andie. She will be in every blossom I see, in every bird I hear singing, in every new shoot rising up through the earth, in every sign of life renewing. The Springtime sunshine will be Andie's smile.


She will always be with you, always. xxx


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Apr 11 - 03:53 PM

(((VT)))

~Whiskers


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 08:21 AM

I want to go home


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Lizzie Cornish 1
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 08:24 AM

Love coming your way, Tam...xx


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: ranger1
Date: 28 Apr 11 - 12:21 PM

(((Tam)))


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 May 11 - 02:30 AM

Just found a few more of Andie's uni friends on facebook and one has provided a correction to a story above.

"Rescuing cows. Late one night when she and Kimmie had just met, they driving back to Farm Vegas (maybe Andie's name for Farmiville where Longwood uni is because of the lights at night in rural wasteland) they encounter cows escaped from some pasture wandering on the road. So Andie decided they had to notify the owner. But who? Which field, what drive? So they opted for the first drive, drove as near the house as possible. Would have gotten out and knocked on door but for the guard dogs barking angrily all around. So she leaned on the horn and shouted out of partly rolled down window. "Your cows are loose." Then to Kimmie, "nKay, I did the right thing, now let's go." Evidently this made a big impression on Kimmie."

This story was from me, Andie had gone with me up to Collierstown (outside of Lexington) where my family has an old Farm house. I wanted to go on a day trip to take photos for a photography class but didn't want to do it alone. She went with me and we had this cow in the middle of the road experience on the way back. It was quite the experience! We felt we had to be of service by telling someone but that dog was terrifying!
We later told this story in our APO meeting and we were awarded with the weekly "Freak of the Week" award! It was given out to who ever had done the most silly or outrageous thing during the week. Usually a chance to embarrass a brother about something foolish. This was the only time I ever received that award... I usually tried hard to dodge it but couldn't help but share our fun time with the Brotherhood.

Man we had some good times!


Thank you Sarah. Sarah has tagged me in a load of facebook photos (her own and other uni friends) that include Andie. How wonderful to see never before seen pictures of my girl having laughs with her friends.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 08 May 11 - 04:53 PM

Well my favorite cousin Peggy (64) passed away a couple of days ago after a 2 month undiagnosed illness. Peggy had a gorgeous soprano voice. She sang Summertime at Andie's funeral. I told her afterward that I used to sing the same song to Andie when she was a baby. And she returned that she sang it to me when I was a baby. I wish I had been home for the funeral so I could close the circle on the tradition Peggy started.

As my kids did not grow up in my home town, Andie didn't get much opportunity to spend time with my extended family of singers. I am hoping that Andie's wonderful mezzo soprano is harmonising with Peggy's high bright voice now.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 12 May 11 - 01:11 PM

She should be 30 years old today, with me wishing her 60 years more... Happy birthday Andie... forever 23.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 12 May 11 - 01:15 PM

(((Love to You on this very special day)))

I lost one of my very best friends when he was a young adult. To this day, when it is his birthday, I do something in his honor that I know he would have loved doing. It helps me to remember and more importantly, to smile even if it's just the teeniest bit.

Michelle


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 04 Nov 11 - 09:27 AM

Long vivid dream about Andie. She told me lots of stuff but mainly she said to tell her sister, "You don't have to go. Just refuse to believe it. You will be able to come back." I asked her why she didn't come back. She laughed and said "I didn't know it then. Besides, I'm back now."

Really wondering what that last line means. Perhaps back in my dreams. She let me hug her this time. She wouldn't in the first dream about a month after she died. Prevented me from crossing small stream.

She said she was swimming and got pulled out to sea. Perhaps that is what felt like when she died.

It felt like a good dream. She was filling water barrels at this shanty town like place, near beach, filled with people from all walks. Different ages and races, disabled, trans gendered. Like a commune, but people were rather neatly dressed and all busy at some chore or another. Most kids playing on beach and in water. It seemed post apocalyptic in that the structutres were tents and corrigated iron, yet everyone looked well and happy.

She never stopped doing her work while she talked to me. She seemed very contented. I woke before I could ask her if she was still singing and before I could ask if when I die we will be together. Somehow I think she would have avoided the latter question. But I woke feeling at peace in myself somehow.

As the dream faded so did the euphoria and the difference between high and low left me weeping for a bit. But I am better now.

Maybe it is the tramadol I am taking.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: Janie
Date: 04 Nov 11 - 07:02 PM

Or maybe it is the severless tie that love makes.


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Subject: RE: BirthdayMemoriam Andie_VTam's daughter
From: gnu
Date: 04 Nov 11 - 07:04 PM

Thoughts and prayers yet again.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 04 Nov 11 - 10:59 PM

From me, too. I hope she visits you again and that you tell us about it.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 05 Nov 11 - 11:14 AM

That is a wonderful and very brave post VT - And to anyone who doesn't believe in afterlife or spirits it perfectly illustrates the meaning of 'when people are remembered, they will never die.'

Cheers

DtG


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 05:31 AM

Well approaching the 6th anniversary of Andie's death (28 April) and have spent the 6 weeks frightfully worried about her little sister Hilary.

This anniversary is different so far. Before this year, this day (and week preceding) would feel like a building up of a deep session of wallowing in sadness. It was a preparing to give myself a timed space to go back into deep grief mode.

I don't feel like that now.

I think it is due to having been under intense pressure at work and in my personal life (worry about Hilary and others things) and the high disease flare I've been in since October. I've had no time to think about the approaching poignant dates (death, funeral and birthday).

I feel as though I have exhaled and am ready to just take it easy, do some creative things on these days I have booked off from work. I am still worried about Hilary. But I am looking at how (as Hil is) to handle stress better.

My gift to Andie this year, is not tears, but focusing on beauty and creativity. Hope it works.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: maeve
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 05:51 AM

"My gift to Andie this year, is not tears, but focusing on beauty and creativity..."

That's a fitting gift, Tamara; thinking of you and your loved ones.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 10:32 AM

{{{{{hug}}}}} {{{{{sniff}}}}}


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: fat B****rd
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 04:19 PM

It will work, because you can make it work, VT.
Hugs from me too.
Best as always from Charlie.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 27 Apr 12 - 10:40 PM

More hugs from me, too. And love.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Apr 12 - 11:57 AM

My gift to Andie this year, is not tears, but focusing on beauty and creativity. Hope it works.

Tam, it may produce different results than you might envision now, but it sounds (from your description of how you are doing now) like this is a gift worth giving just for the sake of giving it, and it also sounds to me like you will be well able to handle whatever the results turn out to be-- that may also be a gift, to receive.

( S )+(T) that's us, side by side on a park bench, holding hands :~) any time you need to reach over. <3

Much love,

~Susan


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: gnu
Date: 28 Apr 12 - 12:40 PM

I can't say anything better than others. Take care of you.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 04:18 AM

well I had a bit of a breakdown over Hilary's FB posts "I miss her so much" and "I feel like she took part of me with her." I am better now.

Instead of grieving I have been crying in excruciating chest and left arm pain since Friday evening. Went to A&E yesterday early am. BP, heart rate and EKG all normal. A&E doctor's guess it is due to very tender shoulder joint (RA) causing referred pain down arm and into neck. Trapped wind in upper abdomen and left chest. Probably gastritis from all the meds I am on.

Happened again this morning. Still feel pretty wretched. Trying to figure out how to get walker downstairs so I can go to doctor.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 05:52 AM

Good idea to go to A&E even if it was wind / neuralgia. Mum had to call out the locum once for similar reasons, sensations of crushing pain in chest. It turned out not to be a heart attack either, but of course it might have been.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 30 Apr 12 - 05:57 AM

T do you ever skype with Hilary?
I know it can't compare to physically being with someone, but a visual call might help to make you both feel a little closer?


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 06:34 AM

Wow! Long time no post. For a time this thread was closed and the Mod PM'd me stating that he felt it should be closed as I was no longer contributing memories to it. I was pretty much in agreement after I got over the shock, hurt and thought about it.

I don't know if it is still appropriate to keep it going. I have finally had the old video tapes of my daughters converted to DVD. But I don't know how to edit Andie's songs out into single videos for upload to my youtube account.

BTW - Just read through entire thread and been weeping, which happily is a boon to my severely dry eyes.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 07:05 AM

Forgot to mention. Planning a visit home to US and memorial gathering for her friends and family early to mid May 2015. It will be the 10th anniversary of her passing and would be her 34th birthday. Trying to deicde if Richmond or Charlottesville Va is better for the majority of her friends.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: wysiwyg
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 10:08 AM

♥♡♥


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: fat B****rd
Date: 26 Aug 14 - 12:18 PM

All the very best to you as always. Charlie


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 27 Aug 14 - 10:08 PM

& from me

sandra


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 28 Aug 14 - 03:36 PM

From me, too.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: GUEST,Surprised
Date: 30 Jul 15 - 01:22 PM

To Andie family I am so sorry for your loss. I didn't know Andie had passed. Earlier this morning I happened to be thinking about her and how she loved to read which inspired me. I figured at this time in our lives she would be the boss of a major business/corporation or close to becoming president by now. So I just happened to Google her name and I run across this website and noticed that she passed years ago and I wanted to write this post to send my condolences to her family. I went to Fluvanna school (Elementary-High school) with her as well and remember Andie. I also remember going to 4-H summer camp and her being there. Her love for reading and singing inspired me. I'm sorry to find out she has passed but know that she touched the lives of many some she have never gotten the chance to know she inspired.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: maeve
Date: 30 Jul 15 - 05:00 PM

Dear Guest "Surprised",

I have sent a message to Andie's mother so she'll know you stopped in.

Regards,
Maeve


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Bonnie Shaljean
Date: 30 Jul 15 - 06:40 PM

Maeve, please let VT know we're thinking of her, too. Of course this thread should be kept going. I can't imagine why anyone ever thought otherwise.

Thank you so much for posting, "Surprised" - what a lovely message. It's bound to bring some comfort.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: maeve
Date: 30 Jul 15 - 06:55 PM

Will do, Bonnie. I agree on both counts.

Maeve


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 08:48 AM

Hello Mudcat friends. Tis true, I've not been in Mudcat much lately. When I finish work and scan facebook for family/friend posts, I don't have much energy left over for anything else, especially since I find Mudcat taxes the limit of my political passion. Better to just stay away from what causes stress.

I wish I knew who posted the lovely message about Andie. Ahh well for his/her info if they return here, and are on Facebook I am Tamara Linn Hiatt (Chelmsford UK) for the time being. Soon to be moving to the Midlands.

Thank you Maeve for emailing me and bringing this to my attention. Hi Bonnie. :)


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: maeve
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 09:14 AM

Welcome back, and happy to be helpful, Tamara. I think of you often. You know how to reach me when those Bit(s) o' Honey start calling. ;) I have some waiting for you.

Maeve


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 01 Aug 15 - 09:25 AM

Ta Maeve,

I will be visiting Va and FLA in October this year. I had planned to stock up then, but as by that time I will be retired I found a recipe for making my own which is probably healthier.

http://www.justapinch.com/recipes/dessert/candy/bit-o-honey-copycat-recipe.html


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 29 Oct 17 - 10:31 AM

Andie has now been joined by her baby sister Hilary. Hilary (aged 33) was taken under similar circumstances as Andie. Unaffordable healthcare and untreated autoimmune conditions took her life last week.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 29 Oct 17 - 10:42 AM

This is heartbreaking, all the more so in that if the US had universal healthcare it is much less likely to have happened. This is a matter of policy by non-physicians, not a matter of healthcare. And that is obscene.

Off of my soap box.

Huge hug, Tam.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: fat B****rd
Date: 29 Oct 17 - 02:59 PM

My very best thoughts and regards to you VT.
Charlie


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 29 Oct 17 - 05:29 PM

love & hugs from sandra


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: ranger1
Date: 29 Oct 17 - 08:42 PM

So sorry to hear this, Tam.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 29 Oct 17 - 09:02 PM

I, too, am very sorry to read this sad news. My heart goes out to you, Tam.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Oct 17 - 02:44 PM

Were this my family,
I would be crushed to lose two loved ones in almost the same way.

This news stops me completely in my tracks.

And I hold you in the hush and stillness inside of me,
though we do not know each other outside of this forum.
May there be a healing calm available to you when you most need it.
Surely you have passion enough for the other times.
Not sure you want to hear this,
but your thread is an inspiration, wherever Mudcat puts it.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: LilyFestre
Date: 01 Nov 17 - 08:24 PM

There are no words.....just a very deep sadness and desire to hug you tight and cry along with you.

Much love my friend.

Michelle


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: leeneia
Date: 04 Nov 17 - 09:41 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Virginia.

But let's not jump to the conclusion that treatment was withheld for financial reasons. It's possible that there is no treatment for the autoimmune disorder that Virginia's daughters suffered from.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 05 Nov 17 - 03:08 AM

Their conditions were treatable. In Andie's last journal entries were concerns about not being able to afford another visit to ER for the cortisol injections and saline drip she knew she would need if she was coming down with the flu her boyfriend had the previous weekend. She did not have health insurance and because she was so ill she had to drop out of uni, at age 23 she could not be on her father's plan in 2005.

Hilary's organs were shutting down due to lack of immunosupressant treatments that would suppress her hyperactive immune sysem. She was on SSDI, but not eligible for Medicare until November 2017. Public health clinics repeatedly turned her away for having conditions too complex for them to treat. They just told her to seek out specialists. Has anyone tried to get an appointment with a specialist when you have no job and your disability income barely covers living expenses and student loan repayments?

Lack of proper free or truly affordable healthcare is what killed my daughters.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Sandra in Sydney
Date: 05 Nov 17 - 06:04 PM

Lack of proper free or truly affordable healthcare is what killed my daughters.

I don't know what to say.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: Janie
Date: 06 Nov 17 - 12:38 AM

Just seeing this thread, Virginia. No words are adequate, nor are hugs, love or good thoughts, but they are the only currency I have to give.

May such offerings, collectively, give some small measure of comfort and sustenance to your broken heart.


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Subject: RE: Birthday Memoriam Andie-VTam's daughter
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Nov 17 - 02:47 PM

Just went back
and looked at the November 2011 thread
of the dream recall,
in which Andie at last permitted you to give her a hug, in the dream.

I hope, as you grieve,
that your dreams speak to you
and tell you, and show you, what is needful.


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Mudcat time: 19 October 11:49 AM EDT

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