BS: The Best Worst Films

Subject: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Sleepy Rosie
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 06:37 AM

Just seen the other thread down there, and rather than de-railing it, thought I'd ask what Catpeeps Best Worst Films are? You know those films that you catch at Two am in the morning, just before bed and usually after missing the first forty minutes, but you can't take your eyes of the screen because it's such a carnival of the bizzare. One of my own suggestions would be the nudie flick House on Bare Mountain It's bonkers and basically an utterly senseless on-screen topless piss-up!

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 07:07 AM

looks hilarious

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: kendall
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 07:17 AM

Best...Dr. Zhivago
Worst..Desperately seeking Susan.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Sleepy Rosie
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 07:46 AM

I mean those films that are so terrible they are unbelievable, and shock you into (what the...?) type laughter.

Probably one of the most well recognised examples of such cult classic low budget celebrated trash, would be Russ Meyers' Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!

There are some really funny old Sci-Fi movies out there too, but some of best/worst the stuff I've seen I can't even remember the names of.

I recall a scene in one fifties Sci-Fi film, where the astronauts had just landed on the alien planet, and decided to relax for a while with a nice fag before venturing abroad! Brill.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Micca
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 08:00 AM

Oh, you mean like "Plan 9 From Outer Space" with its pie plate on a string Flying Saucer?

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: john f weldon
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 08:40 AM

Anything made by Cinepix, Montreal's short lived soft-core production house of the 70's, which also made sporadic attempts at "art". Especially the epic "Loving and Laughing", for pure pointlessness.   Many a friend managed to find employment there, producing, lighting, assisting, or just disrobing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: john f weldon
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 08:45 AM

Actually I must mention a film from my own former employer called "Running Time". It is, unarguably, the worst film of all time. No human has ever managed to sit through more than 20 minutes without getting splitting headaches, intestinal distress, and nausea.

Go ahead, i dare you! (If you can find it)

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: kendall
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:07 AM

Murder without tears was quite dreadful too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Sleepy Rosie
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:10 AM

Yay for Plan 9 From Outer Space: "Future events such as these will effect you too in the future."

Haven't found the Running Time that you are describing as yet John F...

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:30 AM

At my request, I received a boxed set of four movies from the Mystery Science Theater series on television. I doubt that you received this in England, but it was a favorite of my son Aaron and me. The pretense is intentionally silly... a man and three robots he built out of common household items are forced to watch the worst movies ever made as a form of torture. Their figures are silhouted in front of a movie screen, and they make endless wise cracks and supply their own dialogue for the movies.

Things have been a little on the stressful side here the last couple of weeks, so I've watched all four movies. I'd be hard pressed to pick the worst of the four, and because the series ran weekly for ten years, it gives some idea of the magnitude of lousy movies.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: john f weldon
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:31 AM

I see there are several films with this name, here's the one I meant...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0224036/

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Folk Form # 1
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:32 AM

Do you mean, so bad that they are good? Anything by Ken Russell. Over the top scripts with over the top acting. Deep in a totally meaningless way. The Emerson, Lake and Palmer of film making. Try Mahler or Tommy. Pretensioness at its most entertaining.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: john f weldon
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:35 AM

The original "Wicker Man", but I guess everyone now sees that as "good". They didn't at first.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 10:16 AM

Yep the Edward Woodward Wicker Man definitely falls into this category. must watch that again. In the woods there grew a tree, a fine fine tree was he, and on that tree there was a... la la la and from that seed there was a film critic.

My daughters and I found Mystery Science Theatre brilliant and a very bad influence. We could not go to cinema without making MST style comments throughout any film. Yes we were warned several times to shut up by theatre lobby monkeys.

Damn John... that Running Time film is so bad it is almost invisible on IMDB. No plot summary, no reviews, not even a lousy movie poster. How do we find out more?

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: GUEST,Lighter
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 10:18 AM

Mystery Science Theater 3000 specialized in such films. My faves: "The Loch Ness Horror" and "Manos: Hands of Fate."

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: SINSULL
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 10:18 AM

Micca and I are watching the original "Wicker Man". the extended version. Hilarious. Though Micca keeps telling me it's a cult classic.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 10:37 AM

The very worst of the worst would include these...

"From Hell It Came" - animated tree shambles around Pacific Island at the speed of molasses in January, kills people who are too slow or stupid to escape, great scene with native girl who perishes in quicksand. Unbelievably bad, more than a bit funny.

"The Giant Claw" - astoundingly hilarious and fake flying bird which is "bigger than a battleship" terrorizes the planet. Fairly good script and fairly good acting too...but every time the "monster" appears onscreen the audience will disolve into helpless laughter. It has to be seen to be believed. What were they thinking of???   Great entertainment!

"The Creeping Terror" - this has simply got to be the absolute worst horror film ever made. A mouldy old carpet (with some kids underneath it to make it crawl around) masquerades as a devouring monster from outer space. It creeps! It crawls! At about 3 miles an hour. Despite the glacial speed of this thing it manages to devour a large number of incredibly incompetent civilians and even a few soldiers. Most of the people it devours are women in short skirts and you get to look at their legs as they vanish sloooooowly down its gaping maw. The director of this film MUST have had a major leg fetish (or was he thinking in terms of the audience?). The mouldy old carpet finally meets its end when it gets....hit by a car. Yes. Wow, what a way to end the suspense! The trouble with this movie is, it should be funny, but it's so absolutely terrible and disjointed in every way and just so plain bloody awful that it isn't even very funny to watch it. Well, it's funny, I guess, if you have a lot of time on your hands as well as a pretty sick mind. Watch it if you dare...but be prepared. It might help if you get drunk first.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: john f weldon
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 10:56 AM

It 's still in the NFB catalogue...

http://www3.nfb.ca/collection/films/fiche/?id=12880

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 11:05 AM

Worst potential film.

THE RETURN OF THE FLU

This Post Nasal piece directed by Bloody Annoying Virus features in the main roles

Sinus Headache as himself

Sir Hacking Cough & Dame Drowsiness cameo appearances

Score written by Sneezy and Wheezy

now playing at a tamara near you

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 11:54 AM

The Manitou - 1978 - Starring Tony Curtis.

The Synopsis:

A psychic's girlfriend finds out that a lump on her back is a growing reincarnation of a 400 year-old demonic Native American spirit.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Sleepy Rosie
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 11:57 AM

Are you offering your filmic assistance as some kind of formless but ever expanding Snot Monster?

"It Came Out From In There!"

Which reminds me of the fandangalingly fantastic They Came From Somewhere Else classic spooferama..

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:01 PM

I am reminded of one of my favorites (as far as I know it never made MST.) It was a sci-fi movie about snails that grew to siz feet in diameter and feasted on human flesh. Look out, Look out!!!!!!!!! Here comes a ginat snail! You'd better start walking away at a leisurely pace as soon as you finish that novel!

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:20 PM

I bet the giant snails could still outpace the Creeping Terror...people had to actually go over to the wretched thing's "mouth" and dive in there deliberately, otherwise it would never have succeeded in catching anyone unless maybe it was a quadruple amputee.

People in those films always seem to be so frozen in horror that they can't move to save themselves or else they trip and sprain their ankle while running away (this is a favorite plot device for female victims).

The Creeping Terror also had a surprisingly large stomach capacity, able to devour a great number of people and just keep creeping along for more, and it never gained any visible weight! Astonishing. It must have had some incredible digestive system, because it also swallowed women's high heeled shoes along with the rest of them, and never made a hiccup or a burp. In one scene it devours a very, very fat man, yet its appetite remains ravenous even after that.

There's a grotesque dance scene that's really unforgettable too, with awful music and a bunch of gyrating teenagers who you know are going to get eaten very soon...a fitting punishment for their licentious and irresponsible behaviour!

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: PoppaGator
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:25 PM

Thanks for reminding me of The Creeping Terror. My kids discovered and loved it 20+ years ago, and the whole family had lots of laughs.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 12:45 PM

I may have to see "House on Bare Mountain", after reading that plot summary: "The Wolfman, Dracula and Frankenstein spy on a girls' school in the mountains, where most of the girls spend their time sunbathing in the nude". Man, that sounds good!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:06 PM

I am remembering a MAD comic (I think) parody poem of the Popocorn Kept on Popping. In which a movie theatre popcorn maker goes haywire and the resulting mass of popcorn fills theatre, spilling out into streets and suffocating everyone in it's path.

Am I crazy or is this flu induced delerium?

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: RangerSteve
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:25 PM

Almost anything with Vincent Price qualifies. Most of them are entertaining, but "The Tingler" is inexcusable. I'd still watch it again if it was on TV. Any of the bad movies based on Edgar Allen Poe stories are worth watching. Anything from Hammer Studios (UK).
There was a Russ Meyers film - the only one I ever saw - that starts with Hitler hiding out in a remote castle, he gets into a bathtub that someone has unleashed a piranha in, and from the blood emerging in the soapsuds, you realize that even if he lived, he wouldn't be having any kids. It ends in the Pacific Northwest, with some crazed guy chainsawing everyone else. What happened in between is anybody's guess. I think my brain just refuses to remember out of kindness to me. Thanks, brain. Oh, yeah, the women were incredibly endowed.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:29 PM

And who could forget Night of the Lupus where a town is terrorized by giant bunnies? When they'd catch an unsuspecting victim (never quite pictured on-screen) they'd much out on them, although it looked suspiciously like they were eating a carrot.

I suppose if your were a carrot, Night of the Lupus actually would be terrifying.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: RangerSteve
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:32 PM

And the rabbits mooed, like cattle.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Sleepy Rosie
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:37 PM

These two are a bit of a stretch for the thread title, but deserve their place amongst the brilliant and vile: The Revenge of Billy The Kid

And Look Away Now LOTR Fans... Peter Jackson at his fabulous worst.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: GUEST,Jack The Sailor
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 01:38 PM

I just saw "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford."

A least it was not falsely advertised, the movie was as trite, predictable, boring and pretentious and overwritten as the title.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: john f weldon
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 02:15 PM

...can't remember the name of it; shrews get bigger and attack people. The shrews were played by regular old doggie-dogs with pointy dentures.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 02:23 PM

snerk Meet the Feebles

I think I remember the Tingler from when I was just a little bitty kid (5 or 6). Was there a scene with a lobster like thing crawling into bubble bath with a woman? Scared the bejesus outta me. After that it didn't bother me that I couldn't use Mr. Bubbles my siblings enjoyed(I had ecxema and therefore special bath oil).

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: GUEST,Lighter
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 03:59 PM

That's "Night of the LEPUS." A "lepus" is a hare. A "lupus" is a wolf or a fatal disease - both much scarier.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 03:59 PM

I loved "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford."

Best western I've seen since "Unforgiven".

Maybe you wanted something that was paced a little faster, Jack? I thought the 2 male leads simply could not have been better. It's a fascinating character study.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 04:02 PM

That was "Attack of the Giant Shrews", john. Yes, it was rather amusing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Jerry Rasmussen
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 04:51 PM

Lepus... sorry about that.

I kinda liked Superman and the Mole men. It gave work to a lot of midgets wearing little mole suits with the zipper in the back plainly visible.

Jerry

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 04:57 PM

You mean real moles don't have a zipper in the back??? Well, I.......I am just stunned and really disappointed in the people who made that film! I had always taken it to be dead accurate.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Peter T.
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 05:21 PM

We have done this subject many times. Nevertheless, it is always worth restating that "Glen or Glenda" is the most wonderful worst film ever made.   

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 05:28 PM

I regret to say that I have never seen "Glen or Glenda", but I understand that it is a classic.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: RangerSteve
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 06:43 PM

VirginiaTam - yep, that was "The Tingler", although I remember it as looking more like a centipede. Then, again, I'd prefer to just forget it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 06:59 PM

Bob Dylan has begun to look more and more like Vincent Price as he has grown older. Perhaps a whole series of remakes could be made now of the more classic Vincent Price movies, with Bob Dylan playing the central role in Vincent's place.

Wouldn't that be something? ;-) Just think of it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Peter T.
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:12 PM

"Glen or Glenda" is one of those films where you sit with your jaw open throughout. It was put together for about 12 dollars -- chunks of it are from library documentaries he stole for free -- and then there is Bela Lugosi talking complete nonsense -- all in aid of a "serious" movie about transvestites (Ed Wood's own proclivity). It must be seen to be disbelieved.

Yeah, that Dylan/Vincent Price thing is really, truly weird. Do you think he did it deliberately?

yours,

Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: kendall
Date: 02 Jan 09 - 09:18 PM

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The very worst film ever made was titled "Lobsteroids". How do I know? because I was in it.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Jan 09 - 12:25 AM

What was the plot, Kendall? It sounds quite intriguing...

Peter, no I don't think he (Dylan) did it deliberately. I think Bob usually just does what comes naturally at the time, rather than hatching mysterious plans. Besides, why the hell would he want to look like Vincent Price??? ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 03 Jan 09 - 01:00 AM

Are you sure Micca says that the original Wicker Man is a cult Sins? Spelling is not his strong point;-)

Lovers of sword and sorcery have to check out Ator the Fighting Eagle. In fact - check out the site as well. Lots of examples:-)

Cheers

DeG

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Skivee
Date: 03 Jan 09 - 03:34 AM

Roger Corman's Attack Of the Crab Monsters
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair
Full of dumb crap, howling continuity errors, bad acting and really awful special effects.
I AM NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS UP:
Radioactive giant telepathic killer crabs do their worst to kill and eat a rescue party investigating the disappearence of a previous rescue party on an island that is crumbling into the sea at an alarming rate for no reason that's ever explained.
I particularly liked the "Naval Research Outpost" that is clearly a split level California beach house complete with bad wood paneling, cheap motel sofas, formica kitchenette, and 1950s fake oriental lamps.
At one point the rubber telepathic Mega-Crabs speak threateningly to our heroes throught the kitchen flatware. As they do, the actors stare at and listen intently for a looooooong time to aluminium forks and knives monologuing on the futility of resistance.
Later two guys vow to got out and rescue one of their lost companians, "as soon as this freaky weather lets up". An establishing shot scant seconds earlier has shown that it is a completely calm evening.
I've barely scratched the surface of this bucket of rotting crustasians.
Oh, also one of the cast is the Professor from Gilligan's Island.
Not quite an hour long, but well worth the rental. You will laugh your spleen out through your nose.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Sleepy Rosie
Date: 03 Jan 09 - 03:55 AM

Thanks for Ator the Fighting Eagle, I'd forgotton I'd seen that one. Am now being suitably moved by theme tune from said Fighting Eagle Will this pleasure never end!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 03 Jan 09 - 05:12 AM

classic Vincent Price movies, with Bob Dylan playing the central role in Vincent's place

Trying to imagine Dylan's voice in place of Vincent Price's. Now that really would make the films terrible.


Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine

I thought Let's Scare Jessica to Death was pretty awful. No redeeming qualities whatever. Yet I had to watch it again late one night some 20 odd years after the 1st time I saw it at a drive in theatre when I was 14 years old.

Subject: RE: BS: The Best Worst Films
From: Victor in Mapperton
Date: 03 Jan 09 - 06:19 AM

Still love "Thunderbolt and Lightfoot" and the music of Paul Williams adds to it.