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My Bodhran is too tight

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Michael Dill 11 Jun 99 - 08:32 PM
alison 11 Jun 99 - 09:43 PM
MissMac 12 Jun 99 - 12:17 AM
O'Boyle 12 Jun 99 - 04:33 AM
John Moulden 12 Jun 99 - 08:48 AM
PeteFletcher 12 Jun 99 - 09:49 AM
MAG (inactive) 12 Jun 99 - 08:14 PM
Jack Hickman - Kingston, ON 12 Jun 99 - 08:43 PM
PJ 12 Jun 99 - 09:57 PM
catspaw49 12 Jun 99 - 10:09 PM
PJ 12 Jun 99 - 10:38 PM
catspaw49 12 Jun 99 - 11:27 PM
Mark Roffe 13 Jun 99 - 12:06 AM
alison 13 Jun 99 - 01:54 AM
Mark Roffe 13 Jun 99 - 03:31 AM
PeteFletcher 13 Jun 99 - 04:28 AM
Margo 13 Jun 99 - 10:54 AM
Mark Roffe 13 Jun 99 - 12:53 PM
Mike Cahill 13 Jun 99 - 01:27 PM
Rick Fielding 13 Jun 99 - 01:38 PM
catspaw49 13 Jun 99 - 07:56 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 13 Jun 99 - 08:11 PM
Bev Lawton 13 Jun 99 - 08:41 PM
PJ 13 Jun 99 - 09:49 PM
katlaughing 13 Jun 99 - 11:17 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 14 Jun 99 - 12:46 AM
PJ 14 Jun 99 - 02:52 AM
alison 14 Jun 99 - 04:00 AM
Margo 14 Jun 99 - 08:36 AM
Alan B 14 Jun 99 - 08:49 AM
Big Mick 14 Jun 99 - 08:54 AM
Bill in Alabama 14 Jun 99 - 08:56 AM
Dizzie 14 Jun 99 - 08:24 PM
Barry Finn 14 Jun 99 - 09:56 PM
alison 15 Jun 99 - 04:25 AM
catspaw49 15 Jun 99 - 10:01 AM
Margo 15 Jun 99 - 10:35 AM
Fadac 15 Jun 99 - 10:35 AM
Roger the zimmer 15 Jun 99 - 02:15 PM
katlaughing 15 Jun 99 - 02:47 PM
Fadac 15 Jun 99 - 03:22 PM
katlaughing 15 Jun 99 - 03:26 PM
Bert 15 Jun 99 - 03:29 PM
katlaughing 15 Jun 99 - 03:31 PM
Bert 15 Jun 99 - 03:35 PM
Fadac 15 Jun 99 - 04:26 PM
katlaughing 15 Jun 99 - 04:31 PM
catspaw49 15 Jun 99 - 05:25 PM
katlaughing 15 Jun 99 - 05:47 PM
Mark Roffe 16 Jun 99 - 02:47 AM
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Subject: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Michael Dill
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 08:32 PM

My tuneable Bodhran from Seamus Keane is too thight even if the inner ring is totally loose. The German air is too dry and I always have to put some water on it if I want to have a good sound. Is there any possibility to loosen the skin permanent?


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: alison
Date: 11 Jun 99 - 09:43 PM

Hi,

I have the same problem here in the summer. I bought an Australian made tuneable becasue my Irish made one just hated the climate over here (played beautifully in Ireland.. still plays beautifully over here when it rains!!). In the winter and cooler weather it plays fine..... but in hot weather I have to loosen all the screws completely, and give it lots of water...... I don't know if you can loosen the skin permanently..... but to honest I'd wait a few seasons anyway .... it may play just fine at other times of the year.....

here's an earlier thread...

bodhran making - a tale of woe

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: MissMac
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 12:17 AM

I found that I have to condition my nontuneable bodhran with a good leather conditioner every two months when it is hot and dry out during the winter it is fine. I make sure that the skin is at a nice playing pitch prior to applying the conditoner and it seems to work. I have never seen a tuneable so I don't know if this would work for you or not. MissMac


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: O'Boyle
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 04:33 AM

Remo makes synthetic bodhran heads. They sound very good and have a consistent sound. The one drummer that truly like to play with keeps one around for when he can't get the natural one just right.

Rick


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: John Moulden
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 08:48 AM

Putting water on a skin to loosen it only works in the short term. In the end the skin gets even tighter because the oils are taken out of it. A good leather conditioner or even goose grease applied sparingly will slowly improve things. Even in Ireland (which is where I am) a skin needs care.


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: PeteFletcher
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 09:49 AM

Hi, Leather conditioner is a good idea, but be careful how much you use or you could make the leather too soft. Taken to the extreme this would mean the leather kept on stretching until it split. I treat mine with hide food sparingly about twice a year.

Peter


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 08:14 PM

Am so glad some one started this thread; I have always used water on my nontuneable (ie, standard); the one time I tried lanolin-based skin cream on it, it got all greasy (not fatally, just didn't seem right). What is hide food, and where do you get it?

--MA


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Jack Hickman - Kingston, ON
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 08:43 PM

I have always used water to loosen my bodhran skin, usually by means of a spritzer, which distributes the water evenly and doesn't appoly too much.

Although I have yet to try it, I am told that the best treatment for a goatskin is "neats-foot" oil. It is an old-fashioned bootleather conditioner, and contains no foreign substances like silicone, which has a tendency to dry the skin. That's one of the problems with mink oil, which is often recommended for making the skin more supple.

I'm looking forward to reading the various recommendations which I am sure will come on this thread.

Keep the Faith.

Jack Hickman


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: PJ
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 09:57 PM

I am a student of Chris Caswell (of Caswell Carnahan fame) and Cormak Gannon (of Orla and the Gasmen) both are amazing bodhran players with very different styles.

Chris also makes bodhrans (along with harps and other instruments) and his advice to me has been olive oil on my newest drum, unitl it's broken in well. (My husband jokes that I should rub it in with a clove of garlic. I say the bodhran itself repels people without any help, thank you.)

Cormak uses water only, never oil, but living in San Francisco his drum benefits from the fog...

So when I'm playing in the city I use a drum that responds well to humid climates, or a synthetic head that doesn't care. Out of town I've loved the results of the olive oil treatment.

Hope this helps--

PJ


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 10:09 PM

Try a touch of basil, half a teaspoon of oregano, and a bit of fennel mixed in a quarter cup of red wine added to your olive oil and garlic. At least a dozen dagos like myself will pounce upon you and devour your bodhran. Your problem is solved and there's one less bodhran.(:})

catspaw


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: PJ
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 10:38 PM

OH MY!

That's awfully bold talk from a marsupial molester...

I'm sitting here trying to imagine the flatulent forthcomings of bodhran feeding frenzy. I can't begin to imagine, can you? Oh, probably so, I forgot; you play dulcimer... :) =O :)

PJ


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: catspaw49
Date: 12 Jun 99 - 11:27 PM

Yeah, and even worse...I BUILD them!!!

catspaw


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Mark Roffe
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 12:06 AM

Hide Food is a lanolin-based creamy white leather conditioner made by Connolly Leather Ltd., London. I used it on the leather seats in my 1964 Rover sedan, and it kept them looking good until I got rid of the car in 1995. Hide Food is available in the U.S. at your local Rolls Royce dealer's parts dept. It is great stuff -- follow the directions and "apply it sparingly and often."

Bark Woof


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: alison
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 01:54 AM

OK....

Sparingly and often, but to which side? or both?

Slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Mark Roffe
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 03:31 AM

I dunno, I just know about Hide Food, not bodrans. Maybe Peter Fletcher (above) can tell us...

Bark


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: PeteFletcher
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 04:28 AM

Hello again, Yes, that's the stuff - Connolly's hide food. I get it from a saddler's shop. OK to apply often to leather upholstry, but as I said above, don't use it too often on your drum skin. As to which side to apply it - I rub it onto the outside (playing side) but I don't know why.

Cheers Peter


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Margo
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 10:54 AM

Shouldn't it be "hyde" food?

I find all this very interesting because I am planning on buying a bodhran at the end of this month. We will be driving up to Canada and spending some time in Seattle. Of course this means a trip to Lark in the Morning. Not knowing anything about bodhrans, I wonder if some of you might give me tips on buying one......

Margarita


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Mark Roffe
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 12:53 PM

I've been to Lark in the Morning's Mendicino store, but didn't know there were any others. After reading Margarita's note, I went to Lark in the Morning's website where I read up on bodrans (I didn't know they were Celtic drums -- I thought they were something that Indian women wore, and I first entered this thread hoping to study pictures of women wearing too-tight bodrans [for educational purposes]). Now I've learned the truth, thank you.

Bark


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Mike Cahill
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 01:27 PM

You can make your own neets foot oil. From your friendly local slaughter house get three or four calves feet boil them up for a couple of hours and skim off the oil and fat that floats to the top filter this and allow to cool. It should seperate into a fat that hardens and an oil this is neets foot oil keep it in a jar with an air tight lid


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 01:38 PM

Thanks Mike. Sounds charming. I'll keep mine in the next county!


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: catspaw49
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 07:56 PM

The oil, the slaughterhouse, the boiling vats, or the bodhran? (answer "e"--all of the above)

catspaw


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 08:11 PM

Never having heard a bodhran (are we blessed or damned in the Bay Area), all my opinions of them are gained from you other Mudphoaks: they are somewhat lower on the evolutionary scale than even banjos or accordions. So maybe the best thing to do is to remove the head entirely and play air-bodhran. --seed


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Bev Lawton
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 08:41 PM

I have been reparing and making bodrhans for a while now and the best substance I know to "feed" a skin is "LIQUID NIKWAX" this is a natural liquid wax that is actually used for high quality leather walking boots but it is used on all leather/skins in UK. It will be readily absorbed by a drum skin apply liberally from the OUTSIDE PLAYING surface - wipe any excess off. You do not need to do this often - every 3/4 months - too often will soften the skin and cause it to rip at the edges. One thing you can do to temporarily ease a skin is to keep a potatoe cut in half in the drum bag (it does work honest!). This problem vary's with the skin type and ther tends to be two popular skins used for bodrhans : 1. Calf Skin - this is thinner and dryer - tends to be on the cheaper drums - this is usually used on all the painted "celtic" drums flogged to the poor unsuspecting public/tourist trade! 2. Goat Skin - this is far thicker,resonant and hold the moisture better. This is usually left plain on drums as you can see it is a much better skin and less translucent than Calf's. 3. My personal favorite is actuall Deer skin as it is thicker still and produces a lovely LOW resonance. One method to loosen a PERMANTLY tight skin is to soak the skin untill it is very loose - tighten the tuning ring until it is HALF extended - allow the skin to dry naturally - ie NOT in the sun! If it is a new drum/skin I would not advise this as it will get a lot looser with playing. The only really permanent solution to thi problem is to move the skin on the rim. Take heart it is not a difficult job - it just needs care. A. If the drum has a cloth/wood/metal band holding the skin/covering the nails it has to be removed. B. Use a flat bladed implement such as a screwdriver etc Hold the drum with the skin facing/touching your belly so that the screwdriver gets pushed AWAY from you and more importantly THE SKIN OF THE DRUM! C. Slide the blade under the band and the nails and prise gently upwards (remember/mark the drum where the band split starts) D. You need to prise the nails up from the skin now. E. It is hard to do this in the same direction as removing the band ie with the skin towards your belly. You will need to VERY GENTLY wiggle the blade between the drum rim and the skin under the tack/nail head and lever it GENTLY upwards to get the tack up. It is better to angle the blade along the rim rather than at ninety degrees from the open end of the drum towards the skin ( a slip at 90 deg tends to mean the blade shoots forward THRU the skin - THIS SHOULD BE AVOIDED!!! ) If you angle the blade at approx 0 - 30 deg to the rim then a slip tends to just dig/tear at the edge of the skin and no real problem occurs. F. You may tear the skin over a few tacks - this will not matter as you need to use a combination of old and new holes when replacing the skin any way. G. Once all the nails are out you have two options. i. If the rim edge the skin folds over is a 90 deg all you need to do is to round the corner off approx 1/4 inch and replace the skin IN THE SAME POSITION. Continue from J. ii. If already rounded you need to move the skin. TO MOVE THE SKIN H. Soak the skin totally in water for approx half an hour. I. Squeeze skin dry - pat dry with a cloth. J. There will be a mark where the skin bent over the rim make sure you start tacking the skin about 1/8 - 3/16 inch TOWARDS the rim edge using this mark as a guide. K. Tack the next bit of the skin OPPOSITE the first tack ie accross the diameter. L. Next tack should be at 90 deg ie quarter from the first/second tack. M. You just keep halfing the distance between the tacks and then do the opposite side. N. Use a combination of existing tack holes in the skin and new ones. O. When all the tacks are done replace the rim band. P. Tighten the tuning band to HALF ITS extension and let the skin dry naturally. You should now be able to tune/detune the drum properly. Regards, Bev Lawton.


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: PJ
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 09:49 PM

Sir Seed-- Blessed or damned in the Bay Area is a subjective question, why not make an informed decision after hearing some good local sessions? Tonight at the Starry Plough in Berkeley for instance! There's a regular named Bruce who knows the business end of a goatskin and I'll be there with my drum as well. It's a friendly session that welcomes newcomers, just check in with Shay Black if you know Irish tunes and want to play. Or come down for a pint and get a feel for the place, then bring the weapon of your choice next time. 3101 Shattuck Ave. (2 blocks South of Ashby in Berkeley) Roughly 8 pm - midnight Sundays.

Other bodhran venues include the Front Room, Plough and Stars, An Bodhran, Johnny Foley's, Durty Nelly's and the Abbey Tavern (all in SF). I highly recommend hearing Cormak Gannon (of Orla and the Gasmen) Saturday 6/26 at The Front Room. I'll give you directions tonight if I see ya.

Cheers The Bodhran Identity (PJ)


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 Jun 99 - 11:17 PM

Well, mine is not a bodhran, it's a Native American drum about 14-16 inches across. It gets really dry here, all of the time, but I have it in the roomw ith all of my houseplants where the humidity is at least 50%, so it doesn't get too, too dry.

After reading some of the above, I am sure it is cow skin. About a year after I got it, it developed what looked like a tear at the edge, which ctarted to extend up onto the head. A NA whom I met at a fair, told me to put water on it, stretch it down over the rim, some more, then bind it all the way round with cord. That didn't seem to work very well.

I do have it bound round; I never have to dry it under a lamp or moisten it to get good sound; it always has good sound, but I am worried about the tear extending even further.

I have a small stick, kind of like the short one used on bodhrans, which I play it like a bodhran with, and a longer, trad. NA one.

Do any of you think the remedies above might work on it, too? I like the idea of olive oil. Am wondering if I'll have to scrap the head all together, for a new one; or get a smaller rim?

I even use it to play syncopation with a cd I have of dumbek playing, which is awesome in itself.

BTW, Catspaw, dulcimers, huh? Do you have them on any kind of website? Do you make harps, too, the kind with strings:-) I am interested in a small Celtic harp and bet's offered to trade her unused cello for one! She's a great big sister!

Thanks. This is really interesting.

katlaughing


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 12:46 AM

Gee, PJ, you bodhran players have thin skins (that sounds like a bumper sticker). We banjo players are well accustomed to the good-natured put-downs*: Why did the banjo player sit and stare at his instrument for six straight hours? He was trying to figure out why it had all those wires above the fifth fret.

I got your message too late to plan for tonight, but next Sunday I'll try to make it. Should be no problem--as another teacher, I have Mondays off for a while. And I'll pass the word on to other local Mudcateers. --seed

*I guess they're good natured.


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: PJ
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 02:52 AM

Glad to hear you'll be coming down next Sunday, guess I'll see you at Quinn's before then. I told several folks about Mudcat tonight, so we may hear from some other Bay Area folk on these threads soonly.

Don't worry for a minute about the thickness of my skin when it comes to bodhran ribbing-- I definately take it in good fun. For me it comes with the territory like blonde jokes and Southern jokes. I'm a one-stop, full-service joke opportunity center. Fortunately for me, I don't get most of 'em-- I either get confused by y'alls funny accent or I can't hear over the bodhran playing.

Personal favorites include:

How do you know a blonde has been using the computer? White-out on the screen.

If a married couple in Georgia get divorced, are they still legally brother and sister?

What's the correct instrument to play a bodhran with? An open pen knife.

It's all funny to you folks until a crime is committed: Tonight at the session I left my bodhran in the car (unlocked) for just a minute. Somebody broke in and left another one. ba da BUM (rim shot)

Got plenty of olive oil for my thin skin, take your best shot buddy... :)


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: alison
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 04:00 AM

Margarita,

Don't buy one that is too big..... ideally if you are sitting down it should fit comfortably, partially into your armpit, (physically impossible with the big ones).

I like a 16 inch one myself (I can hear you giggling.. no comments please**grin**).... although 14 inches is pretty good and my 12 inch one is beautiful to play and has a really good skin to work. The 18 inch ones are too big for me... and I have seen some women my size (ie not very big) trying to play 24 inch drums........ and they simply can't do it!

Next question... do you want to play sitting down or standing up? If you want to stand you will need a cross piece (or two) to make it easier to hold the drum, this has the disadvantage that you have to avoid the cross pieces to "work" the skin on the inside of the drum. If you plan to sit... you don't necessarily need the cross pieces..... I do a bit of both, so I compromise and have only one cross piece.

Hope this helps

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Margo
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 08:36 AM

Thanks, Alison. Yes it does help. I want the option of sitting or standing, so I will pay attention to your advice. It's always nice when you go into the shop to have something to compare to what the sales person tells you! Margarita


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Alan B
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 08:49 AM

What a shame.
I thought this would be about a comic song like Charlie Drake's "My boomerang won't come back". I've read through all the contributions, and its actually about tight bodhrans!!
Clear oppotunity for a humourist here!

Alan B


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Big Mick
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 08:54 AM

Ahhh, my Fair Alison, and don't I just love it when you talk this way.................LOL.

I love hearing all these opinions from so many bodhran players. It is a great instrument, the heartbeat of the Celts, and I am currently getting ready to buy a new tuneable from a brilliant drum maker in Canada, Fred Halpin. On my non-tuneable I use the skin preparation wax that Malachy Kearns (Also known as Malachy Bodhran) markets. It is a great preparation that conditions the drum nicely and keeps the skin with that wonderful low tone that I love so well. It is available through Elderly Instruments website. (www.elderly.com)

If you are going to buy a drum, it is a good idea to find out what the conditions are like where it was made and try to get one that is made in the same approximate conditions that you are in for the most part. This is why the Fair Alison's Irish drum is not all that thrilled with Oz.

Enjoy your drum. They are a versatile instrument, that will awaken a very old part of your soul, if you will let it.

Big Mick


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Bill in Alabama
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 08:56 AM

Yep-- lotsa straight lines here. I'm still grinning at the thought of running down to my local Rolls-Royce dealer!


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Dizzie
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 08:24 PM

Being a Scot I've always used some Dubbin on the old bodhran. What's the difference between a bodhran player and a chiropodist. The chiropodist bucks up the feet whilst a bodhran player.......... Dizzie


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Barry Finn
Date: 14 Jun 99 - 09:56 PM

I've never used anything on my bodhrans.The older & smaller of the two that I still have (a Mance Grady drum, from Rhode Island) is an 18" & now something around 20 years old. It travelled all over the U.S., Ireland & a stint on the Hawaiian Islands. I always carried an industrial heat gun & oiled it only with human oil from my hand when playing. My newer drum (maybe 4 yrs. old now), a 20" Grady with tuneable ring & slide bar, gets the same oil treatment. Both goat skins were healthy & hand picked by Mance & from decent & honorable families.
Alison, no giggles here. My 20" is great & if I'm ever in Oz you'd be welcome to a go on it. It's got a bit deeper of a sound than usual but that's what Mance was aiming for knowing my preference. This big drum can also have a gentle, soft or sharp sound even though it's size may be decieiving. It's range is greater than most I've played. Multi rim shots on the outer side & the inner side a well as playing the rim I find a bit better, maybe because the surface isn't as round as on a smaller drum. I'm not a big guy (5'5") so I don't think the petite would have a problem with it, maybe some adjusting & getting used to it's size in the begining is all. Because of the slide bar (see on the Bodhran Page under Grady) using the inner hand for backslaping becomes a style on it's own.

One more comment. If you're going to oil it, stay natural, chemicals &/or beer will eventually break down the skin.

Happy druming, Barry


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: alison
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 04:25 AM

Barry,

Which bodhran page?

I used dubbin once on one of my old ones.. and it left it slimey for ages.. didn't like it at all...... anyone tried avocado or jojoba oil?..... absorbs easily for massage... might not be as greasy as olive oil......... and no I haven't tried it on the bodhran yet...

slainte

alison


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 10:01 AM

I can't take it anymore. I've been reading this sucker for days and you've got some great suggestions, but this thread name is killing me.

Your bodhran is too tight? So are my underwear. Let's throw BOTH away!!!

Your bodhran is too tight? I know it's Irish, but give it some coffee and suggest AA meetings.

Your bodhran is too tight? Lose some weight and see if that doesn't help the fit.

Your bodhran is too tight? You're supposed to play it, not wear it you dumbass!

Your bodhran is too tight? Tell it a few jokes and see if it doesn't loosen up some.

I'll stop.....I'm feeling much better now......please accept my apologies.

catspaw (I didn't even mention the "thight" part)


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Margo
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 10:35 AM

I like that Dizzie. It reminds me of a similar joke: What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer? The rooster clucks defiance!

So am I to understand that oiling the skin is something that is done to keep it in good condition, the tight problem notwithstanding?

Margarita


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Fadac
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 10:35 AM

I heard someplace that bodhran is "headache" in old Irish.

-Fadac


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Roger the zimmer
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 02:15 PM

I seem to hear a voice across the Irish Caribbean lagoon...
"My bodhran is too tight, dear Liza (no, better make that Mary)...."
"Then oil it dear Michael....."
"With what....."
"With jojoba, dear Michael.."
Well, it could win Eueovision Song Contest! :)


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 02:47 PM

Femme Fatale (Back of hand across forehead in a languishing way: "My bodhran is too tight." (sigh)

Handsome, dark stranger, with a black mustache, weilding a finely tuned tiple: "Oh, my dear...let me loosen it for you!(Uses the finely tuned tiple's "cutting edge" to slash the lacing of her "bodhran.) There does that feel better?" (Fondles her impossibly full, red tresses, which spill down across her shoulder, shielding her oh-so-creamy upper bosom)

Femme Fatale (small gasp of surprise, followed by a sigh of anticipation): Oh! My hero! Whatever would I do without you?"

Stranger: "Why, mia amore, what you have always done! Wait for me, until I return from the deeds of daring and fortune that I must do! Wait for me, as I ride my steed, Trusty, throughout the countryside ridding the land of vermin by strumming the luscious, hypnotic tones of my tiple, while I lead them into the ocean! Wait for me, cara mia, and when I come, your bodhran will be loose, I shall sweep you off your feet, into my arms (at this he slings the tiple over his shoulder, so that the strap holds it across his back), and Trusty, my steed, shall carry us off into the blazing red of the setting sun.

Femme Fatale (tears glistening in her eyes, one gently rolls down her incredibly high cheekbone) (another gasp): OH! Must I? What if the el calde comes to ravish me? Me, with my bodhran already loosened by your hand? Me, who has already waited and waited, drying up like an old woman with a too dry and too tight bodhran! How long must I wait for you to finish with this ridiculous obesssion of yours about tiplaying and rodent drowning!?? Oh! I warn you, Stranger, mio amore, do not leave me, again for long, as in the days of past. For, I'll not be here. The el calde knows full well how to loosen and loooo-bree-cate a bodhran as well as you! Perhaps he is even the better ravisher! Perhaps we shall see if this is true, should you leave my side again! (She flounces off to the other side of the room, looking out the window, and furiously fanning herself with a beautiful Spanish fan.)

Stranger (Working his jaw, pulsing with fury and desire, strides over to the Femme Fatale, grabs her in his arms and kisses her long on the lips): Madame, perhaps that will win your patience! May the taste and fury of my love linger on your lips of rosy hue. May your bodhran stay loose and ready for my return. I shall return and you shall be here, for I promise you I love you and without you and your loosened bodhran, I will follow the rats into the sea! Farewell, mia cara, and remember....if you choose to quench your passion and loosen your bodhran for any other, in the night you shall hear the haunting strains of my tiple, forever reminding you of the Stranger who loved you and went into the sea!"

(Up violins, romantic tones drifing into silence as the screen closes to a shot of stranger walking into the sea with his tiple strung across his back)

kat, who either will make a fortune writing romance novels or will go to Hollywood (NOT!)Heehee


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Fadac
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 03:22 PM

Kat,

Whisper is a Belgin, right?

Methinks perhaps that Femme Fatale, needs her Bodhran adjusted.

I think there is a song about an old German clock winder that could do the adjustments.

Then they rode off to the Butcher dance.

Didn't I see this on a Simpsons show?

-Fadac


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 03:26 PM

Fadac,

Sorry, I've not been reading the Belgian thread and who is Whisper? You're probably right about FF needing an adjustment and a clock winder might just do!

Oh, and I nev-ah plagarise! Perish the thought! I always watch the Simpsons, Lisa is my role model, but I've nev-ah, nev-ah seen such an episode, I swear!

kat


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Bert
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 03:29 PM

Nice one Roger. Too good for The Eurivision Song Contest.

KatL, Is that 'The pied Tiplayer of Wyoming?'

Bert.


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 03:31 PM

Tsk! You found me out, Bert! Yes, a little known historical figure of Wyoming, originally from South of the Border.

How's your wife's mother?

kat


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Bert
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 03:35 PM

She's a lot better, thanks. Looks like I might get my wife back soon.

Bert.


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Fadac
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 04:26 PM

For some reason I thought that Whisperer, was the name of our hero's steed. But I guess the name is Trusty, (sigh).

This reminds me of a short story.

Seems that there was this kight in the days of old. A brave hearted knight, but he only stood 3'2. Rather short even in the old days. They just could not find a sutiable mount for Sir Shorty, so they saddled up the Kings St. Banard, Trixie, and sent them out to do good deeds.

Sir Shorty hadn't been on the road a week, living rough, when a terable storm hit the land. It rained, it hailed (no one answered the hail.) it snowed, it sleeted, and the wind blew, and it was very cold too.

Sir Shorty, was out when he found an Inn. So he pushed the door open and came from out to in. (Yes, and Trixie too.)

Huge puddles of mud, snow, water, and all such muck fell upon the Inn's floor. The Innkeeper said, "I'm sorry but we are full up, every room is being used."

Sir Shorty, looked at the Innkeeper with sad eyes, Trixie looked with even sadder eyes, and drool.

"Aw, what to heck, I just can't send a knight out on a dog like that."

-Fadac


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 04:31 PM

Cute! Verrrryy cute!


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 05:25 PM

Kat my dear, I love you like a sister, and just because of that, I will give you two weeks in my personal, permanent room at the Neil Young Center for the Terminally Screwed........pack your tiple and enjoy yourself.

catspaw


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: katlaughing
Date: 15 Jun 99 - 05:47 PM

Ooooo, 'Spaw, if it's full of terminally screwed men, I don't know if it would do me any good! Hehehe!

BTW, did ya get my message?


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Subject: RE: My Bodhran is too thight
From: Mark Roffe
Date: 16 Jun 99 - 02:47 AM

Now I think MY bodran is too thight thoo. Especially after reading Kat's stheamy passage.


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