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BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs

gnu 22 Jan 08 - 02:40 PM
SINSULL 22 Jan 08 - 02:44 PM
GUEST,Peace 22 Jan 08 - 02:45 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 08 - 03:35 PM
Art Thieme 22 Jan 08 - 03:41 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 08 - 03:42 PM
artbrooks 22 Jan 08 - 03:44 PM
gnu 22 Jan 08 - 03:44 PM
bobad 22 Jan 08 - 03:46 PM
Wesley S 22 Jan 08 - 03:52 PM
gnu 22 Jan 08 - 03:54 PM
Becca72 22 Jan 08 - 04:00 PM
artbrooks 22 Jan 08 - 04:02 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 08 - 04:03 PM
Bill D 22 Jan 08 - 04:05 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 08 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 08 - 04:11 PM
catspaw49 22 Jan 08 - 04:40 PM
topical tom 22 Jan 08 - 07:26 PM
open mike 22 Jan 08 - 07:44 PM
jacqui.c 22 Jan 08 - 08:42 PM
gnu 22 Jan 08 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 22 Jan 08 - 09:23 PM
artbrooks 22 Jan 08 - 09:48 PM
open mike 23 Jan 08 - 01:21 AM
gnu 23 Jan 08 - 07:12 AM
jacqui.c 23 Jan 08 - 08:09 AM
MaineDog 23 Jan 08 - 08:31 AM
Rapparee 23 Jan 08 - 08:52 AM
bobad 23 Jan 08 - 08:56 AM
Rapparee 23 Jan 08 - 09:01 AM
Schantieman 23 Jan 08 - 09:38 AM
Donuel 23 Jan 08 - 09:52 AM
John J 23 Jan 08 - 10:02 AM
MarkS 23 Jan 08 - 10:14 AM
jacqui.c 23 Jan 08 - 10:21 AM
manitas_at_work 23 Jan 08 - 10:38 AM
bobad 23 Jan 08 - 10:43 AM
Rapparee 23 Jan 08 - 02:20 PM
Rabbi-Sol 23 Jan 08 - 02:50 PM
PoppaGator 23 Jan 08 - 03:12 PM
Bill D 23 Jan 08 - 05:01 PM
bobad 23 Jan 08 - 05:24 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 08 - 05:54 PM
Peace 23 Jan 08 - 06:04 PM
Rabbi-Sol 23 Jan 08 - 06:08 PM
Rapparee 23 Jan 08 - 06:20 PM
Peace 23 Jan 08 - 06:21 PM
open mike 23 Jan 08 - 06:26 PM
Bobert 23 Jan 08 - 06:29 PM
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Subject: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 02:40 PM

So, on Thursday morning, I get my annual innuendo. I always like to lighten the load, if I can. Last year, I was a virgin and the best I could come up with was, "You can keep any change you find, but the bills are mine." Old Doc Murphy chuckled and I immediately thought, "Maybe that wasn's such a good idea." I mean, if he had a real belly laugh, would that be good for my belly?

I thought of waiting until the initial moment and lurching a bit and exclaiming, "JESUS MURPHY!", but, that might be a bit too risky. If he's a good Cat'lic, he might be offended and if he's a bad Cat'lic, he might laugh at the wrong time. If he's protestant Irish, I'm... nevermind.

"What, no dinner and a dance first?" has got to have been done a million times. On that theme, I thought, "Ya know, being gay may have some merit.", but, that's PI these days.

Any suggestions?


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: SINSULL
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 02:44 PM

Get some drugs. You'll be asleep before the doc walks in the room and you'll wake when it's over. Saves on embarrassing conversation.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: GUEST,Peace
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 02:45 PM

Getting a prostate exam. Doc had the glove on and his finger in there. I looked back and said, "__, we have to stop meeting like this. People suspect." His finger was outta there in 0.39402 seconds.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:35 PM

Sheeeee-it, man! I gotta get one next Monday! Sunday is gonna be really shitty, ya know? But I only do it so's I can get that liquid Valium they use.

I wanted 'em to do an endoscopy and a colonoscopy at the at the same time once when I had to have both. I envisioned the doctor saying, "LOOK! A light at the end of the tunnel!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Art Thieme
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:41 PM

Just ask him, "Doc, does your mother know what you do for a living?"

Art Thieme


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:42 PM

Mention that you lost your hedge clippers last Summer and if he should happen to see them.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:44 PM

Peace, consider the possibilities. I had a prostate exam once by a female doc with 1 1/2 inch artificial fingernails! Gnu, just ask the doc for a picture to take home and frame - and wow all both your friends.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:44 PM

Oh, SINS, ya get drugs! But, ya don't go to sleep. Ya can't go to sleep. Ya gotta be semi-aware for all the fun afterward. Pull my finger?... not required.

Rap... ain't them phosphates all they are cracked up to be? When the nurse said, "Take the first bottle at 4PM and don't schedule anything until about 8PM.", she wasn't shittin!


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:46 PM

Mine's due in about a month, I'm actually looking forward to the drug cocktail of I.V. Versed, Fentanyl and Buscopan - puts you on Cloud 9 for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Wesley S
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:52 PM

Maybe a song would be better than cracking a joke. You could start with "Waist Deep in the Big Muddy {and the big fool says to push on}".


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 03:54 PM

I too had a prostate exam by a female doc. She was filling in for my regular doc. (Thanks, or you're welcome, as the case may be.)

She made a big thing about having the nurse present and draping a sheet over things. I had waited nearly two hours and I was late for two appointments. Not a happy camper. I asked, "You are gonna shove your finger up my ass and you are worried about seeing my balls, and, without a witness? When do you graduate?"

Not very tactful. Actually, kind painful.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Becca72
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:00 PM

During an anual "female" exam one time my doctor had a med student in the room with us ( he did this frequently and always asked first if I minded). They were taking a particularly long time checking things out down there and he kept handing me brushes and scrapers and such to hold for him... finally I said " Are you getting ready to pull a rabbit out of there, or what?" Dr. Hobbs cracked up and the med student looked at me, horrified.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:02 PM

Ah, gnu - 'tis the soul of gentlemanliness, you are.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:03 PM

I haven't been awake for any of 'em. "Count to ten," said the Doc and I counted "One, two, th..." and woke up with the procedure over. My wife said they were having a hard time moving me from the gurney to the recovery area bed, so she said, "Roll onto the bed" and I answered "Okaaaaay" and flopped on over.

I don't remember any of it.

It ain't the procedure that bothers me, it's the prep. I was told to drink only clear liquids, but they told me vodka, gin, and poteen were not what they had in mind.

For music, how about "Dark As A Dungeon" or maybe "Sixteen Tons"?


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:05 PM

My last colonoscopy was done by two women doctors(well...one, I guess was just a techie) who didn't look like they would welcome jokes...they showed me the whole procedure on a color monitor and confined comments to "hold still"...so I did. Wasn't too bad, and no problems.

If I can't think of anything really clever in such circumstances, I tend to just follow orders and be quiet.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:10 PM

One time about a year ago the doctor (Ol' Doc Jones, who's younger than I am by quite a bit) sent in a med student for a preliminary workup. He took my temperature and BP and pulse and then made the mistake of asking why I was seeing the doctor.

"Hansen's Disease," I said promptly. "I have Hansen's Disease."

Poor guy looked puzzled and probably was, but he wrote it down on his clipboard anyway. As he was questioning me about my symptoms and I was telling him that I thought another toe was getting ready to fall off, Doc Jones walked in and took one look at the kid's notes.

He chuckled and asked the med stud if he knew what Hansen's Disease was. The answer, not surprisingly, was no.

"Leprosy," said Ol' Doc. "And he doesn't have it -- he's here for a regular checkup on his diabetes."

"But...but," I said, "What about my leg?"

"Just stop pulling his," replied Jones.

Ol' Doc and I get along okay, even if he does order colonoscopies.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:11 PM

Maybe, if they videotape mine, I'll get a copy and I can market it under the title "Guts!" I'll betcha it'd be an instant best seller!


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 04:40 PM

Old 'catters will recall my second "near death" experience of '99 which followed immediately upon the heels of my first of '99.......Come to think of it, since I've been on Mudcat ('98), I've been comatose on a ventilator 4 times.......hmmmmm...............

Anyway, they were looking for a hard to find intestinal bleed and rushed the colonoscopy. I was evidently kind enough to crap on the Doc's shoes but he took umbrage at this and sent me back for another go at the "golightly." This time I forced it down quickly as asked, drinking all of it in less that a half hour but I used ice to improve the hideous flavoring packets which masked the gawdawful natural taste. Bottom line? I became hypothermic and my teeth were chattering so violently a large number of them, almost all the uppers, developed cracks! First time I ever heard of the shits causing your teeth to fall out................

And I'd make a few jokes about my female GP but she is one of the luckiest things that has happened. We transferred to her 12 years ago and I am absolutely sure I'd be dead without her. Very intelligent, well read, and up to date across the board, she does exactly what you want a GP to do.....she manages/quarterbacks all the various specialists to the nth degree. Patricia Hollingsworth.......I have no idea what Karen and I would do without her.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: topical tom
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 07:26 PM

I too am scheduled for one this year.I'm not looking forward to it but I'm anxious to put it behind me.Okay, maybe that's not the way to put it.I'm fed up with it. No, that's not it either.Empty is a better word choice.It certainly is a gas!


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: open mike
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 07:44 PM

as for "Saves on embarrassing conversation." Actually the drug they give to colonoscopy patients is akin to "truth serum" (sodium pentathol) and I was cautioned that the person who give you a ride home may hear you say things that you will never remember...this could be the MOST embarrassing conversation.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 08:42 PM

I had this done last October, both ends. I was hoping to be able to watch what was happening and probably did, but can't remember anything from the time they administered the drug until I was sitting at home, haven't lunch.

I must have been conscious because I got myself dressed and walked to and from the car but the whole event is gone!

gnu - how about the Star Trek bit about going where no man has gone before.....


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 08:50 PM

Certainly not, jac! Well, there were those days in the 70's that I don't recall clearly, butt..... no! Oops, Freudian ship?

BTW.... Say, Cap'n, you sailin om my tide?

Yes... I still have t'3's for my ear. Why do you ask?


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 09:23 PM

Ask the doctor for a signed note certifying that your head is not, in fact, up there.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: artbrooks
Date: 22 Jan 08 - 09:48 PM

Jacqui, were you driving?


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: open mike
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 01:21 AM

This statement was included on a cancer center web page..
"The day of your colonoscopy you will be given drugs to make you comfortable and unaware that you are having the colonoscopy. Having the drug in your system requires that you are in the care of an adult friend or relative and that you rest while the drug wears off. You may NOT drive a car, operate machinery, go to work, eat out at a restaurant, or sign important papers."

Ha...i like the part about signing important papers..\
don't let the hospital or doctor get your signature
on any thing---like a sales receipt for their new yacht....


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: gnu
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 07:12 AM

Here, that statement, almost exactly, appears on the discharge papers you have to sign before release from Day Surgery.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:09 AM

Art - no - Kendall came a got me - there were strict instructions about NOT driving.

It's quite weird to have no recollection of a few hours when I was obviously conscious.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: MaineDog
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:31 AM

I've had two of them now, and they were easy. Last time the doctor offered to let me watch the view on tv. I said, "no thank you, just make me comfortable". He said "ok, were all done, you are fine." Then they kept me for an hour just to make sure. I was indeed fine, and I could have driven home, but my driver arrived on schedule, so I went home and played music.

Very seriously, I would rather have one of these procedures every week than to go thru what Gail went thru.
MD


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:52 AM

Which is why I'm having it done, MD. They found (and removed) polyps the last two times and I'm not taking any chances. I joke about it, as we humans do about everything that can be or is awful, to mask my fears.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 08:56 AM

Jacqui, one of the commonly used sedatives also has amnesiac properties which account for your loss of memory - see here

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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:01 AM

I think they've been slipping that stuff into my food and drink all my life. Especially before I was to take tests in high school and college. It would explain my grades.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Schantieman
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:38 AM

Me too. My memory isn't what it used to be.

Come to think of it, what did it used to be like?

What are we talking about?


When I had my prostate exam there was no prep - just come in, trousers down and finger in. And some people do that for fun?!!

As far as I remember.


Steve


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 09:52 AM

With the writer's strike still on, this film "Inside Gnu" has a descent chance of an award and is certain to bring the house down


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: John J
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:02 AM

How about: 'Now you ARE going to wash that thing before you stick it down my throat....aren't you?'

JJ


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: MarkS
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:14 AM

The prep days prior to the proceedure were worse than the proceedure itself - don't stray far from the head.
But - the drugs you get!
Now I know why drugs are called controlled substances!

(They would not give me any to take home though!)


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: jacqui.c
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:21 AM

I was actually disappointed because I wanted to see what was going on - it all has a bit of a fascination for me.

Maybe next time I'll ask for something that will keep me aware of the procedure.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: manitas_at_work
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:38 AM

I was aware of the procedure most the time. I thought they were going to go through the gut walls several times. But no pain as such! Then they started to pull the camera out and I lost consciousness. It isn't worth staying awake for.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 10:43 AM

I,ve had one done without any sedation whatsoever, it wasn't overly terrible but sure felt good when it was over.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 02:20 PM

Gimme valium
I don't like pain
Gimme sedation
I gotta brain!


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rabbi-Sol
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 02:50 PM

The gastroeterologist that we use has a licensed anesthesiolosist on staff. He uses Propyphil which is a very short acting drug. You are fully out for the 20 minutes that it takes to do the procedure. However after that, the drug wears off very quickly and you are fully conscious and aware 5 minutes after the IV is withdrawn. You dress and walk out of the procedure room on your own steam without spending any time in a recovery room and do not at all feel sleepy or groggy.

                                                    SOL


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: PoppaGator
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 03:12 PM

It's been a few years since my last 'scope. The anesthetic they used on me was something in the category sometimes called "twilight sleep." I was more-or-less conscious, remembered pretty much everything (including watching the video screen as the probe went deeper and deeper in), but literally was "feeling no pain."

More recently, I had a prostate biopsy (with OK results, by the way). The apparatus didn't go in all that far, but it felt pretty weird and would have been hard to take were it not for the local anesthetic (lidocaine) they squirted in there first.

The probe was pretty high-tech: it included a video camera as well as some kind of gizmo that could snip off a sample of tissue and store it. They took 12 bits without removing the probe, so the storage component obviously kept each bit separate and identifiable as the first or second or tenth sample, etc., and was able to record the area of the prostate from which each bit was taken.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bill D
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 05:01 PM

Strange...I've had 3, and no one ever suggested drugs. I drove myself, had the procedure and walked out and drove home. It was not 'fun', but not really painful...just an odd form of discomfort.
I wonder what the differences are and why drugs are needed sometimes. (Now I know they didn't do the special 'deep' procedure on me...that takes over an hour and does need some sedation)


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: bobad
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 05:24 PM

A colonoscopy examines the entire colon about 4 to 5 feet worth and two 90 degree turns (which is what usually causes the pain) whereas a sigmoidoscopy looks at the final 2 feet and no turns.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 05:54 PM

And a sigmundfreudoscopy illuminates the twists and turns of your mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:04 PM

And a carljungoscopy will explain what freud meant!


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rabbi-Sol
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:08 PM

A Colonoscopy examination of the entire colon, if done by a skilled gastroenterologist or colo-rectal surgeon should take no more than 20 minutes. If polyps have to be removed and cauterized add another 10 minutes. The main reason for general anesthesia is to prevent perforation of the colon should the patient make a sudden move during the procedure. Should perforation occur, immediate emergency surgery would be required to repair it.

                                                    SOL


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:20 PM

Rabbi, I can live with that!


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Peace
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:21 PM

The colon is hard to live without, Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: open mike
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:26 PM

aI wqanted to stay awake so i could watch, but after the first few
minutes i was so uncomfortabellmostly from the bloating feeling...
i think they pump air into you to hold the space open for the camera
to move around in..i thought i was gonna float away. they gave me the option of doing the procedure with out the sedative...but inserted an i.v. in case i changed my mind and wanted it..which i did...i wonder
if they video tape the "show" so you can watch later after you regain
consciousness...i did get a dvd of an M.R.I. i had...and a cat scan.

not an oscar-nominated flick, i'm afraid.


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Subject: RE: BS: Colonoscopy ins and outs
From: Bobert
Date: 23 Jan 08 - 06:29 PM

As bobad, I've had one fully awake and without anything to ease the pain so as for the "ins and outs" of the grusome procedue the "out" part is a lot better than the "in" part...

B;(


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