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BS: Obit Jerry Falwell (15 May 2007)

Greg B 15 May 07 - 07:14 PM
Peace 15 May 07 - 06:38 PM
Peace 15 May 07 - 06:31 PM
Janie 15 May 07 - 06:31 PM
Peace 15 May 07 - 06:28 PM
Dickey 15 May 07 - 06:20 PM
Little Hawk 15 May 07 - 05:31 PM
KB in Iowa 15 May 07 - 05:30 PM
Ebbie 15 May 07 - 05:26 PM
WFDU - Ron Olesko 15 May 07 - 05:04 PM
M.Ted 15 May 07 - 04:56 PM
Peace 15 May 07 - 04:55 PM
Riginslinger 15 May 07 - 04:52 PM
Peace 15 May 07 - 04:17 PM
Wesley S 15 May 07 - 04:12 PM
catspaw49 15 May 07 - 03:53 PM
gnu 15 May 07 - 03:43 PM
3refs 15 May 07 - 03:28 PM
M.Ted 15 May 07 - 03:27 PM
Peace 15 May 07 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 15 May 07 - 03:07 PM
gnu 15 May 07 - 03:00 PM
Dickey 15 May 07 - 02:58 PM
Don Firth 15 May 07 - 02:54 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 02:51 PM
Sorcha 15 May 07 - 02:47 PM
Amos 15 May 07 - 02:38 PM
Dickey 15 May 07 - 02:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Falwell
From: Greg B
Date: 15 May 07 - 07:14 PM

Fortunately for the song-writers -well rhymes with hell.

I guess 'Good-bye Fall-thee-well' might be a start, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Falwell
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:38 PM

s


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Falwell
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:31 PM

The death of some folks brings out the worst two-faced shit people have in them. No disrespect to anyone here. I am neither happy nor sad that Falwell--his name is spelled FALwell--is dead. The sooner the better for others like him. They can all go be with their respective God.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Falwell
From: Janie
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:31 PM

May he rest in peace in spite of the violence and bigotry he fostered.

Janie


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Falwell
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:28 PM

Yeah. They said nice things about that cocksucker Pinocet, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Falwell
From: Dickey
Date: 15 May 07 - 06:20 PM

Listening to the news (we are in for two days of comments on Fallwell) I hear nothing but good comments VS the hate piled on him before he croaked.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:31 PM

It means less than complete atonement. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: KB in Iowa
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:30 PM

Here you are


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Ebbie
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:26 PM

What does "limited atonement" mean? Anyone know?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: WFDU - Ron Olesko
Date: 15 May 07 - 05:04 PM

We still need to undo the damage


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: M.Ted
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:56 PM

To get a sense of how Dr. Fallwell's co-religionists will remember him, check this :Jerry Falwell's Friday the 13th Declaration. This comment comes fairly near the beginning:

"I do not regard it as unfortunate that he articulated his and Liberty University's honest beliefs, no matter how offensive they may be to me or to others. "


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:55 PM

Falwell.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Riginslinger
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:52 PM

If he lived up to his name and fell well, the fat's in the fire now.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:17 PM

If Ergun Caner has the brains God gave a carrot, he damned well will show up at the funeral.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Wesley S
Date: 15 May 07 - 04:12 PM

I wonder who show up at the funeral from the current administration? Surely not the President?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: catspaw49
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:53 PM

So that's it huh? Well, I guess I can do no better than to relate the story of "The Fartistic Falwell" just the way I told it that night it happened. Perhaps it will send Jerry on his way in a cloud of methane......................

Paw has always had an aura about him, but Cletus says the only aura he knew about was a kind of a mixture of sulphur and sewer gas. But then that got me to remembering how Paw and Cletus had shot Buford and gave him that eulogy and all, then he turned out not to be dead since his backpack was full of a 12 pack and absorbed the blast. Since he was just knocked out and drunk instead of shot dead, its good that Paw and Cletus didn't bury him.......But I tell you the truth, when that ol' boy showed up alive, it damn near killed Paw instead.

Their reunion led to a joyous evening of the three of them and the Reg boys getting drunk on "Iron City" and 'Shine and roasting a hog out in my backyard alongside the garage. Of course, after a while, Paw started lighting up farts as is his wont and that's what I came to think about ought to be left unexplained.

The neighbors began to complain about 11 o'clock or so after one of Paw's flamers had ignited the hedge on his property. That would have passed as the boys got it out pretty quick, being full of Iron City and all, but when a major rip set fire to his wife's bird feeder....well, that was it. I tried to calm the guy down and assured him nothing like that would happen again. He went back into his house dragging the charred remains of the feeder and a roasted squirrel that had been looting it when Paw let fly with that fiery thundersprecht.

Anyway, I got them situated again and since my house has aluminum siding, my only request was that they point Paw towards the wall. I figured a good hosing would clean off the worst of it in the morning. I went inside and the revelry continued at a somewhat decreased decibel level with only an occasional flash lighting the window of my den. Around 2 AM the boys came in for a final pee call and of course they couldn't just go. I heard either Reg or Reg in my pantry and before I could get up there, the whole crew was playing sink the Cheerios in my downstairs bathroom. Karen came downstairs at this point and threw a fit since our kids watch everything the boys do and we were spending a fortune in Cheerios.

After a severe ass-reaming from Karen, I herded them back outside and suggested they get some sleep around the smouldering pig carcass. I went back in and after cleaning and disinfecting the bathroom and taking a shower, I again settled down in front of the TV to watch a half-hour Infomercial on how I could make thousands a week by selling quinnine pills through Direct Mail Order and running tiny little ads.

They were just getting to the good part with the testimonials and all when there was this giant blast from the backyard and the night sky lit up like a Buddhist monk. There was a moment of silence and then I heard Cletus yell, "HO-LEE SHEEIT!!!" Well, there wasn't anyway I could avoid it, so I went out through the garage into the backyard and there they stood, the whole damn bunch of them, except for Buford who was throwing up Iron City and pork fat down his bib overalls over by the smoking hedge. They were staring at an image that Paw's last fart had scorched onto the siding with their mouths hanging open. I stepped back and looked and my first thought was, "Well this ain't gonna' clean off too good and Karen will be really pissed." But when I started to say something, Cletus stopped me and I noticed that the look on all of their faces was almost reverent. Paw was standing with his mouth agape and the others seemed awestruck as well, so I looked again.

Cletus turned to me and said, "Doncha' seez it Catspaw? Its rite thar!!! Paw done farted Jerry Falwell out his ass!!!" Well, I kinda' had to admit, it DID resemble the good reverend in the flickering light of the burning porker on the spit, but I was too much in fear of what the morning would bring from Karen to say anymore than tell them to get some sleep. Problem was, they didn't. I went back inside, the group outside quieted down, and I nodded off before I could get the 800 number for the "501 All-Time Polka Greats" by Myron Kopetz and the Nose Flute Kings.

What I didn't know was that the group had gone off and gotten Pastor Sharphorn, his wife, the Ladies Auxillary, and the Deacons, from the "Church of Evangelical Brethren and Tongue Talking Mohunkers" and they arrived for a look-see about sun-up. When I woke up to the commotion outside it was about 6 AM I guess. The sight that confronted me was reasonably bizarre. At least 150 people were assembled in the backyard and I could see more coming down the alley. A small altar had been erected out of the remains of my stockade fence which was now on the ground, the crowd overflowing into my neighbor's backyard and trampling his stupid-ass garden gnomes into powder....It was the only high spot of the day.

Those kneeling at the altar would place small plastic Madonnas and Jesus statuary at the foot of the garage wall and say a little prayer and move on to the donation box that Cletus was guarding. It was then that I noticed that everyone donating more than $25. was getting a "Holy Relic" to commemorate their visit to this newest religious icon which had previously only sheltered my vehicles and assorted cans of dried out wax and rubbing compound.

There, perched upon a throne like affair that I noticed had been assembled from our porch furniture, was Paw. As each person gave his donation, Buford would cut a small piece from Paw's overalls and hand it to them. For $50. they got a piece from the seat, and for $500. a snippet from the flap of his longjohns. It was a kind of poor man's "Shroud of Turin" I guess. Business must have been good since Paw was missing one entire leg of his bibs and he was about bareassed already. I was dumbfounded and I was just considering how to set this up as an infomercial and start booking tours when the County Sheriff showed up and ran everybody off. Then he proceeded to fine me for 19 different offenses and gave me a summons to appear in court for destruction of my neighbors property.

I was able to head off Cletus and the money, which covered almost all of the fines and my neighbor's friggin' gnomes, but it cost another 50 bucks to get rid of Falwell. Now if I could just get shed of the real one for the same price.......................Anyway, I have never been able to figure out how that happened and I suppose it is one of those things best left unexplained. I've always thought that Falwell was talking out his ass, but I never figured you could blow him out your ass, but Paw's a real religious ol' coot so I guess you just never know. Really, I think Cletus had it right with his first two words, "Holy Shit!!"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:43 PM

Of course, himself not being a believer in Purgatory, I suppose he is now asking Pete why his reservation is not on the list.

Or, wishing he had believed in Purgatory, as the $$$ he made are of no use now.

Spose I'm goin ta hell for this. See ya when I get their, Jer.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: 3refs
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:28 PM

I thought he was a little over the top, sometimes to the point of being extreme.
That being said, I wish him well. I just wish I could watch his new show that will be broadcast from eternity and listen to all that back peddling he'll have to do!


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: M.Ted
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:27 PM

Someone once said something to the effect that "The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones:" Let it be so for Fallwell--


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Peace
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:25 PM

Better off to eat oysters, no?


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:07 PM

Now, now. He did prepare for the Second Coming on January 1, 2000 by stocking up on ammunition....


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: gnu
Date: 15 May 07 - 03:00 PM

RIP (in this case, Rot In Purgatory), you callous, self-righteous.......


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Dickey
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:58 PM

I was never a fan. I considered him a zealot.


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Don Firth
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:54 PM

Well, if there is any residual awareness floating around, I tend to think he's probably in for a lot of surprises. Not necessarily unpleasant ones, but far different from what he expected.

Don Firth


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:51 PM

I can imagine him, finally casting off the silver rope and finding his wits about him about 100 feet above the hospital, going "What the fuck was that?????".

Then, finding himself free of pain, weight, and other concomitants of body-hood, enjoying himsef genuinely for the first time in 75 years, and then wandering around forlornly trying to track down some of those angelic escorts who were supposed to show up and show him the trail to Saint Peter's Gate, or Saint Gates'...well, never mind that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Sorcha
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:47 PM

And I wonder if he will get what he expects.......


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Subject: RE: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:38 PM

IMHO this was an exit long overdue. I hope he didn't suffer.


A


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Subject: BS: Obit Jerry Fallwell
From: Dickey
Date: 15 May 07 - 02:17 PM

Jerry Fallwell dies

1:49 PM May 15, 2007

LYNCHBURG, Va.---A Liberty University executive tells the Associated Press that the Reverend Jerry Falwell has died.

Falwell, a TV evangelist who founded the Moral Majority, became the face of the religious right in the 1980s.

Falwell was taken to a hospital after being found unconscious today in his office at the school he founded in Virginia.

He was 73 years old.


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