Mudcat Café message #985642 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #61337   Message #985642
Posted By: Rapparee
17-Jul-03 - 10:20 PM
Thread Name: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
Subject: BS: Stuff left out of Harry Potter
Being a librarian, I have Certain Contacts. As a result, here is some stuff that was left out of the Harry Potter books published so far. I knew that y'all would appreciate them

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    Harry gazed up and greater fear than he'd ever known before in his life stabbed through him. At the same time his scar blazed with such pain that he collapsed, staring up at the sign swinging in the gentle breeze, the sign reading "Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, Attorneys-At-Law."
                               **
    "Of course there are girls upstairs at the Three Broomsticks! Why do you think they call her MADAME Rosemurta, anyway?" asked George incredulously.
                               **
    "Harry," said Hermione quietly, "these tests don't lie. You have to face the fact that Severus Snape is your father."
                               **
    "For God's sake, Weasley," drawled Malfoy, "roll off her and let Crabbe show you how it's done."
                               **
    When Snape had his back turned again, Hermione whispered to Ron, "You know, you can stir around in my cauldron anytime."
                               **
    She flicked her long black wand against her tight leather pants and purred, "It's MISTRESS Ginny, Potter, MISTRESS Ginny. Now get down on your belly and beg Mistress's forgiveness like a good little worm."
                               **
    McGonigle pointed her wand at Dumbledore and shouted "Viagra!"
                               **
    "Great man, Dumbledore," murmured Hagrid. "A bit of a twit, but a great man all the same."
                               **
    "Ah, Harry," said Hermione, looking pale. "You know the other night...and, well, I got the spell wrong...and, oh, Harry, you were right! You were right! The words WERE 'Contra ceptio' and not 'Pro ceptio' What are we going to do?! Harry?.. Harry?"
                               **
    "Harry," whispered Angelina, "why don't you let me show you some positions you won't find on the Quidditch field?"
                               **
    "Sorry, Malfoy," grinned Harry. "I thought it was the snitch. You know, you really should either wear underwear or fasten your robes when you play Quidditch or accidents like this will happen."
                        **
In a blaze of anger Harry pointed his wand at Ron and Hermione and shouted, "Coitus interruptus!"
                        **
Harry looked up lazily from his place on the ground, up the shapely leg to the short wizard's robe that fit tightly around the well-shaped figure, past the teasing green eyes to the flaming red hair, and said, smiling, "My goodnes Ginny! You're all grown up, aren't you?"