Mudcat Café message #83128 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #11106   Message #83128
Posted By: No Offense Intended
31-May-99 - 11:09 PM
Thread Name: Danger: Irony & Humour - Ignore this thread!
Subject: RE: Danger: Irony & Humour - Ignore this thread!
This topic is outdated, but might be funny for those downunder:

Given the sudden emergence of the One Nation Party as a political force in Australia, the government has indicated that all universities should go about estimating the number of One Nation voters in their student catchment, as a potentially new equity group (the "morally embarrassed"). To assist in this task the Australian Bureau of Statistics has just released a relevant demographic profile, stated in a form that can be added as a question directly to university's enrolment forms. Please action as appropriate.

"Please cross out the incorrect response: I am / am not a redneck.

As a guide to respondees, you can say that you are a redneck if: ... your bicycle has a gun rack ... you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it ... your mother keeps a spittoon on her ironing board ... the UFO hotline limits you to one call per day ... you think prime entertainment is a sixpack of beer and a bug zapper ... the directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road' ....* your richest relatives just bought a new house and you helped take the wheels off ...** hailstorm hits your house and you have to take it to the body shop for an estimate ...* you have curtains in your truck but not in your house ... the window on the passenger side of your car is a "hefty" bag .. you have a denim leisure suit." *

Please feel free to complete this questionnaire and send to Pauline

-----Original

ONE NATION MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION

=======================================

Name: ________________

(_) Billy-Bob

(_) Billy-Joe

(_) Billy-Ray

(_) Billy-Sue

(_) Billy-Mae

(_) Billy-Polly

(Check appropriate box)

Age: ____

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:

(_) Dirt Farmer

(_) Dirt Producer

(_) Dirt Eater

(_) Fish and Chip Shop Owner

Spouse's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:

(_) Sister (_) Brother

(_) Aunt (_) Uncle

(_) Cousin (_) Mother

(_) Father (_) Son

(_) Daughter (_) Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number that are yours: ___

Mother's Name:_______________________

Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure,leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

___ Total number of vehicles you own

___ Number of vehicles that still crank

___ Number of vehicles in front yard

___ Number of vehicles in back yard

___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ kitchen

____ shed

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

(_) The Truth (_)Exposure

(_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest

(_) Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:

(_)Weekly

(_)Monthly

(_)Not Applicable

Colour of teeth:

(_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow

(_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

(_)Red-Man

(_)Skoal

How far is your home from a paved road?

(_)1 mile

(_)2 miles

(_)what's a 'peved road'?

What do you admire most about Pauline?

(_) her policies

(_) her her skill with interviewers

(_) her hair-do

(_) the fact that she says just what I think I want to say when I want to say or think what to say ... what was the question again?

IF YOU HAVE BEEN ABLE TO ANWARE THIS QUESTIONNAIRE THEN YOU ARE FAR TOO LITERATE FOR OUR ORGANISATION - SO PISS OFF!

IF YOU HAVEN'T MANAGED TO GET THIS FAR THEN YOU'RE THE ONE FOR US AND SO SEND YOUR APPLICATION TO PAULINE C/- PAULINE'S FISH SHOP, IPSWICH.