Mudcat Café message #534959 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #38108   Message #534959
Posted By: catspaw49
25-Aug-01 - 12:08 AM
Thread Name: BS: Child of the System.....Ramblings
Subject: RE: BS: Child of the System.....Ramblings
Ya' know katmyluv, for once I am gonna' disagree with you. It hurts very little because we knew it was coming. Both Karen and I had a similar reaction, "Well at least he didn't kill anyone." Sounds cruel huh? I guess it is, but Rod was destined for this, although I wasn't expecting a drowning........More like being killed while robbing a convenience store.

When we were new foster parents, I heard a caseworker describe a girl I knew as "one of our throwaway kids." I was irate and really went off. AS years passed I began to see........I still don't like the term, but there comes a point where things can no longer be done and we are all just pissin' in the wind. We still keep trying but a few can use up the available resouces quickly and some others that we can help possibly are left out in the cold.........and then through lack of attention continue to get worse and become the next batch of "throwaway kids."

The head of the Agency is a good friend and Jim and I have had many a late night and long drive together. Although he believes in the benefits of foster care, he also argues rightly that as soon as a child is removed from the home, major damage is done. Certainly it's needed and the Agency is responding faster these days and more aggressively under his leadership. Infants and toddler reports are given highest priority and at the moment the percentage of under 3's in care is greater than it has ever been. Parents are more tightly monitored to adhere tightly to a strict case plan........these families and these kids can possibly be helped and Jim uses his resources first here. Sounds cynical and fatalistic, but I believe he's on the right track.

Funny thing about kids in these terrible situations with abusive parents..........They still love and trust Mom and Dad....or at least one of them. Rod and his brothers all had good feelings toward their Dad and hated their Mom. As Rod said at a hearing reviewing her case, "She never protected any of us. She boiled the water." It comes from how are families are viewed and kids know it's a mother's job to protect her kids...........

When we did parental visits with our younger kids, they all believed whatever the parent said. "Mom's gonna' buy me_______ and we're going to have a party next week," and so on. Mom never came through, but the kids provided the excuses for her. A Dad that never visited his two girls even once in the two years we had them was always provided an excuse by the girls......"Dad probably just had to work or something." They desperately wanted to believe the love was their....he was their Dad.

No publication elsewhere my dear kat........Rod simply fulfilled the expectation and I look back at all the time, effort, love, and money that was expended and all to no avail.............The cause was lost from the gitgo, but we had to try, we had to believe. If we are ever to break the cycle, we must react sooner, faster, and with greater action............Hindsight is all seeing, but I know that for Rod, it all came far too late.

Want another goody? One of our girls, now 19 and unmarried, just had her 9 month old infant removed and placed in foster care.....neglect and abuse (lack of care). She knows better but she also came from an almost identical situation. Maybe this time, with this child, the cycle gets broken. I hope so.