Mudcat Café message #517624 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #37057   Message #517624
Posted By: SharonA
30-Jul-01 - 09:30 AM
Thread Name: Suspect Physical Abuse--What to do?
Subject: RE: Suspect Physical Abuse--What to do?
Concerned Friend, I'm glad to hear (read) that you are taking steps to connect this woman with an organization that can offer help to her. Definitely more dignified (and hopefully more effective!) than saying "Hey, who gave ya the shiner?"

The thing that's been bothering me about the "speak with professionals" route is that, as the type of professional to whom the abused might first turn (as you describe this woman), wouldn't she already know of and have contacts with several organizations that directly aid the abused? I'm not sure that initiating one more professional relationship will help her to open up to this one on a personal level; seems like it would be one more set of people she would keep at a professional distance.

If you haven't already, you may want to consider something along the lines of kat's idea of contacting organizations in a different town or even county (hopefully in a different professional "circle") to help this woman keep her present professional connections intact and make her feel safer from professional ridicule.

Meanwhile, don't give up on her socially. I've read that the techniques you describe by which she isolates herself are typical behavior of the abused and of the depressed (why else would a woman of "great personal dignity" do such an undignified thing as being a consistent no-show?). Let's hope she can break the cycle of abuse before she reaches the point of canceling out on the sorts of professional banquets and galas that she MUST attend for the sake of her career.

SharonA