Mudcat Café message #515854 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #37057   Message #515854
Posted By: GUEST,Anon.
27-Jul-01 - 09:47 AM
Thread Name: Suspect Physical Abuse--What to do?
Subject: RE: Suspect Physical Abuse--What to do?
GeorgeH and mousethief are totally right. You must not forget that it is her life, and all the choices must be hers. Outside interference (no matter how well intentioned) will probibly do more harm than good.

I speak from my experience of being the second husband of a woman who was abused by her first. (Reason for Anon. sign in).

It is extremely unlikely that the only abuse is physical. If a victim didn't tolerate physical abuse, then they wouldn't be a victim more than once. As mousethief said, there tends to be a lot of mental abuse too. It is that more than anything that not only makes a person fear reporting, but ashamed and embarressed to even admit what going on. You have to tread very lightly, or your actions could alienate her.

My wife carries very few scars from her past experiences (none physical), and she now can not believe she allowed herself to be treated that way. That is the point. She allowed it to continue, until such time as she made the decision to get herself out of it. Nobody else could make that decision for her. She never feels physically threatened now, but can get very upset if she feels I am being critical. It's the mental scars last much longer.