Mudcat Café message #4094277 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #167212   Message #4094277
Posted By: Stilly River Sage
22-Feb-21 - 10:10 AM
Thread Name: Terry Silver (Leadfingers)-Jan 2020 accident
Subject: RE: Terry Silver (Leadfingers)-Jan 2020 accident
Recovering from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) takes a LONG time. And it isn't just a matter of the brain reaching one point and stopping healing, the brain will continue to improve slowly over time. The process is incredibly frustrating for the individual involved because they know what they used to be able to do and can't do it now (or not very well). At this point his body has healed, and now the work can really start on the brain part of it.

That said, if friends who are musicians visit him, don't avoid the music because Terry can't perform perfectly now. Gently offer to include it as part of the visit because he used to love it and may find another avenue to being musical again. Share a new song you're learning, sing acapella, etc. And who knows, those pathways in the brain may help him improve more once they are triggered.

My best friend here in Texas was a pedestrian in a parking lot hit by a young woman driving into the space way too fast - Susie was thrown a distance and landed on her head and also had a shattered hip. She has come back a very long way (this happened 9 years ago and she spent 4 months in the hospital and rehab), and it has involved treating not just her physical health but her mental health because it was frustrating to not be able to do things. She is an artist and the fine motor skills have gradually returned to some degree. Not like before, but she can do some of it.

The biggest problem she has, as does another friend who suffered a TBI when he was in college (he's nearly 60 now) is that she loses things. All. Of. The. Time. Short term memory sucks. We tried setting up a system with bright colored bowls on the counter where she would leave her hearing aid and her car keys (yes, she can drive and made sure she could pass the driving test before she renewed her license) but the family didn't pay attention when they came through and the bowl ended up moved or hidden or used for something else. If there is a plan to help then everyone needs to be on board with it.

I haven't seen my friend since the COVID stuff started last. I need to give her back the cane she loaned me for my recovery from knee surgery last year at this time. After deciding her house was too much work she lived with family for a while, and last year she moved to a senior apartment where she lives independently but eats in a communal setting. It sounds like Terry is in a similar situation, so during COVID visits are rare and precious. Don't try to cram in the music as part of the visit, maybe share a favorite song or CD or file for his computer along with flowers or a food gift. A year out from that injury is still early days for him and his friends can help him (please listen to what he asks for - don't assume anything - he will know what he wants and needs now).