Mudcat Café message #4010689 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #166691   Message #4010689
Posted By: Raedwulf
26-Sep-19 - 05:39 PM
Thread Name: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
Subject: RE: BS: Question About Aging and Regret(s)
I really am a brat then, pfr, being as I'm only pushing 50... From the wrong side, admittedly! No, there's nothing I regret. One reason is that much of what I've ever said or done has been a response to whatever.

But, mostly, I did or said what I felt was right at the time, just as I do now. Would I do now what I did then? Often, no; I've learnt better ways of dealing with things (yet sometimes, I still revert because it seems right!). How did I learn better? By doing other things first; if I wouldn't repeat them, I don't regret them either.

When all is said & done, all you can do, and all you can be, is be true to yourself. I've been here, on & mostly off, for nearly 20 years, I discovered earlier today. Mudcat was something that taught me quite a lot about how to deal with a bunch of random pixels over the net. I mostly wouldn't post now the same way I did back in my early days here on controversial topics. I learnt that I'd rather get my point across than post something clever & snippy that simply got up someone's nose. However good that might have felt, I realised that I'd rather be understood & disagreed with than be chucking napalm around just because I was sure I was right! If you see what I mean... ;-)

A lady friend back in '05 described me as decent & honourable. She's right. It's my sense of honour, and my sense of decency. But whilst I feel I'm capable of being ruthless, capable of deliberately hurting people, I can't recall when I ever felt the need to do either, let alone actually did. I know there's a cost with that, and the price has never seemed worth paying. I try to do what I think is right & proper. I try to deal with people as I feel they deserve. One motto of my life has always been "Give what you get & add 10% interest". If someone is nice, you're nicer back; if someone is nasty... In my case, they've always given up pretty quickly; I can be pretty nasty if I must! It's an imperfect philosophy, but it's worked pretty well for me.

I'm human, so I'm imperfect, but I've tried the best I can to be the best me that I can. Whatever I am now is the current incomplete sum of whatever I've been. Incomplete, because the equation is still running... If I hadn't been me then, I wouldn't be me now. And I'm not too unhappy with who I am. When my Dear Old Dead Dad was in his last illness, and we were all spending what time we could with him (& he knew he was on the way out too), I remember asking him "Would you change anything?"

He stared into space for a few seconds, then said "I wouldn't bother with the smoking next time". And that rather sums up how I feel. You are the result of everything you were. You can't change any of it, so why regret it? I guess if you wilfully & maliciously did "X" and knew you were doing it deliberately, you'd have something to regret. But for Dad, for me, regret isn't the right word. I don't behave the same way I did 30, 40 year ago. I've learnt other ways of approaching things and, like most, I'll always choose what I feel is the best path.

But the paths I walk now, I've found only because of the paths I walked then... Regret is the wrong word.

(And yes, having proof read thoroughly, I do realise this sounds nauseatingly twee & saccharine, but... meself was asking for honest responses, not advice, so I've done the best I could!)