Mudcat Café message #3873752 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #142631   Message #3873752
Posted By: Janie
26-Aug-17 - 12:31 PM
Thread Name: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
Thinking today of a book I read many years ago by Joan Borysenko, "Guilt is the Teacher, Love is the Lesson."

I'm a natural born caregiver. It is in my DNA. One of the hardest things for many of us so constructed is to ask for support for ourselves when we need it to be able to continue to care for others.

From my life as a social worker I am acutely aware of how abundant the circumstances of my own life have always been, even during personally difficult times. You folks are part of that abundance.

So I feel guilty and narcissistic reaching out to say that I can use some good thoughts and support for myself right now. I feel like I ought to be asking for good thoughts and prayers for those I am supporting instead of support for myself, but I'm gonna take the 'lesson' seriously, and ask for what I need. Since I retired from clinic practice I no longer have the support and ear of colleagues and friends in the same field and who are much like me to lean on and help me keep perspective.

4 people I am very close to are facing end of life issues. They expect and need for me to be fully present with and for them, and that is what I want and need to do for them. But I am often feeling overwhelmed with sadness and fear that I am not equal to the task and will fail them, or somehow try to meet my own needs through them to their detriment. I'm spending way too much time questioning myself and my motives, or feeling like a young child lost in the wilderness.

This is a hard post for me to make. Because it is about me and not about the greater needs of these 4, dear people. Thing is, I know I am up to the work I have been given to do, but only if I reach out to ask for the support I need.

Thanks, Y'all.