Mudcat Café message #3808031 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #142631   Message #3808031
Posted By: Mysha
02-Sep-16 - 03:49 AM
Thread Name: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
Subject: RE: Jane's Rainbow: for all needing support & comfort
Hi Donuel,

This is really more about me than you, but I need to be sure someone said it. I've read your posts in the past, but I can't recall enough now and don't as yet have the energy to read back. But:

I have a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome. I don't normally look people in the eye, as most people scream so loud with their expressions that I'd rather read their lips, which shows enough of their facial expression to read those peripherally (spelling?). Someone on a little girl's case at one point made the very smart observation that people will often ask or expect different things from what they want: E.g. do parents really need their child to clean the plate, or just for the child to eat enough?

So, what I need to say at the moment, just in case it's relevant, is that it pays to be careful to check what your target is: Does your child need to make eye contact? Or would it be OK to just read the face, or just face the person talking? Or is conversation the important bit, even if it goes sideways? (But if not a relevant remark, just forget about it.)
Most faces are intense, and at times I'd rather not look at them too much for fear of missing what people are saying. I sometimes wonder if I could have practised with that face program the Commodore 64 used to have. (It was clearly a face, but it had few details/expression. And it was clearly not human, taking away a lot of time pressure.)

Oh, and as in most cases: Don't fight the monster when it's there. Fight it when it isn't there, so there's less pressure and more preparation time.

(Back to handling condolence cards that tell me my mother is dead.)