Mudcat Café message #3094830 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #63952   Message #3094830
Posted By: mouldy
14-Feb-11 - 03:02 AM
Thread Name: BS: Bereavement
Subject: RE: BS: Bereavement
Thanks Jacqui.

I try to adopt my godmother's attitude: I grieve, but I don't mourn. There is a big difference. Grief can be a gentle poignant thing that is light and easy to carry. Mourning indicates a state of mind (exhibit A - Queen Victoria, m'lud).
I don't wear my wedding ring now, either. Probably for nearly 3 years. I like it, but it is an outward symbol of something earthly that does not exist now ("till death, etc"). I may wear it again if the mood takes me, but I don't feel the guilt I thought I would. (Logically, I am not married - terms and conditions no longer apply!) It sounds very hard-nosed, but Ian's always going to be part of my life, just internally.
I suppose one of the main reasons for moving to a new area is to have people take me for who I am now, not as someone they know as one part of a couple. I met Ian while I was still at school, and I was thus one part of a twosome, and "Ian's other half" for just over 40 years now.
Because of this, I am wondering if there is a part me that hasn't seen the light yet. I don't know, but it may be fun finding out. It gives me a future to focus on, and although I have a mountain to climb in getting my little house renovated, it's something that will, once I eventually get work started, keep me interested and busy. My children are all fully independent, and it would be easy to slip into boredom and self-pity, which I could perhaps have done back at my old place. Here, if I want to clear my mind, or just go scream into the wind, I have a 10 minute drive and, if I choose the right time, I can have a huge beach almost to myself (at this time of year, anyway).

Andrea (apologies for going on a bit!)