Mudcat Café message #3055058 The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #134335   Message #3055058
Posted By: Jim Dixon
16-Dec-10 - 04:40 PM
Thread Name: BS: How to Deal With People Complaining
Subject: RE: BS: How to Deal With People Complain
Something just came to mind that I read a long time ago, in the book "Games People Play" by Eric Berne (1964). He describes a game he calls "Why don't you—yes but." It goes like this:

Player A complains about something.

Player B assumes that Player A has a problem and wants help solving it. Player B suggests a solution: "Why don't you—?"

Player A rejects the solution: "Yes, but—I can't do that, or that won't work, because—."

Player B suggests another solution.

Player A rejects that solution, too.

And so on.

Theoretically, "B" could win by forcing "A" to say, "Yes, you're right: your solution will work, so I'll do that. You've been very helpful. Thank you."

Or, theoretically, "A" could win by forcing "B" to say, "OK, I understand now: there's no solution, therefore this problem is definitely not your fault. You're a saint to endure the hardships that fate imposes on you."

But in practice, that never happens. The game is always played to a stalemate.

There's a lot more you could read on this subject.